# Trying to deal



## texasgirl (Mar 1, 2007)

I went to my doctors yesterday and today.  My psychiatrist changed my meds.  I am trying hard to work, to move to both a new job and a new house, and to pull out of psychosis.  I had a very hard time telling my psychiatrist yesterday that I am somewhat better but still have voices calling me.  It is a monumental struggle to read.  I have 70 people reporting to me and I can only think of one thing and that is how to get out.  I have to travel all next week and I am worried about it.  When I come home I just feel safe in my office - nowhere else in my house because the rooms are too big.  TV is excrutiating.  I love my husband dearly but I can't carry on a conversation.  I just want out.  This is too hard.


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## Cat Dancer (Mar 1, 2007)

Oh, I am so sorry you're having such a hard time.  That's a lot of stress to be dealing with. 

If spending time in your office makes you feel safe then that's what I would do. I sometimes wrap up in a blanket and sit in the corner of the dining room in the dark of the night because I feel safe doing that. 

Lots of hugs.


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## texasgirl (Mar 1, 2007)

thank you Janet - I know you are having it very rough too.  I am just tired right now.  I am taking tomorrow off.  I think that the medicines have to get straight for me to get better.  It's just too hard to do everything as though nothing is happening to me.  I don't know what to do.

TG


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## Cavi (Mar 1, 2007)

TG...I'm sorry your struggling...You've had alot on your plate and you deserve to be gentle with yourself....RIMH


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## texasgirl (Mar 1, 2007)

Thanks RIMH - you too.:hug: 

I also am very worried about my husband who is recovering from cancer.  He had surgery and I think about losing him and how I would ever be able to stand it.  And my current condition's effect on him.  I wish I could wish this away....

TG


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## Cat Dancer (Mar 1, 2007)

I wish I could wish it away too. I wish the best for you and your husband. That must be even more stress. 

I think you're amazingly strong even though you don't feel like it. And brave and so compassionate. 

Hold on to hope. :hug:


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## texasgirl (Mar 1, 2007)

Thank you Janet.  And it helps to know that I am not alone.  I count on all of you too for your wisdom and compassion.  In your other post you mention being a patient instead of a helper.  I like to think of you as a patient helper (has multiple meanings, huh?)

Hang in there yourself :hug:


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## Cat Dancer (Mar 1, 2007)

Thank you. 

It's hard and wonderful and amazing how we need each other and how we can help each other so much here on this forum. I am so thankful for it.


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## Halo (Mar 1, 2007)

texasgirl said:


> It's just too hard to do everything as though nothing is happening to me.



I can relate to this as I go through most of my days pretending that everything is "okay" on the outside when inside I am crumbling.  Sort of like my avatar of the masks.  It is hard and very tiring at the same time.

I am glad to hear that you are taking tomorrow off from work and hope that you use the time to take care of you, however that may be.

Take care and my thoughts are with you
:hug: :hug:


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## texasgirl (Mar 1, 2007)

Thank you Halo.  I plan to do nothing tomorrow - hopefully sleep.

Take care,

TG :hug:


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## Halo (Mar 1, 2007)

Doing nothing is always great and if you can get a lot of rest, hopefully it will help as well.

Have a good day off and hopefully you can get some much needed :zzz: :zzz:

Take care
:hug:


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## ThatLady (Mar 1, 2007)

I was going to suggest that you take a little time off, TG. I'm really glad to hear you're going to do that. You've got so many stressful things in your life right now you just need to put everything on the back burner for a day or so and concentrate on treating yourself well. :hug:


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## texasgirl (Mar 1, 2007)

I agree, TL;  I think my body is telling me that "this is it." "No more!"

so that's what I am going to do.  Thank you!

TG


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## ThatLady (Mar 2, 2007)

I just hope this little respite helps you, hon! Many hugs! :hug:


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## foghlaim (Mar 2, 2007)

:hug: :hug: 

thinking of you and hope you have a restful day off.


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## sister-ray (Mar 2, 2007)

TG,

Iwas going to suggest some time out for yourself, and Im glad to hear your doing that, pamper yourself you deserve it, sending lots of hugs:hug: :hug:


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## Into The Light (Mar 2, 2007)

texasgirl, wow, you have an awful lot going on in your life. i can relate to how stressed you must be feeling. i am glad to hear you are taking a day off. if necessary maybe your doctor could take you off work for a week. i know for me when work was taken out of the equation it made a huge difference. even a temporary break may be just what you need to get through everything.

just wondering, have you got any family and friends that could help out with the move etc.? it might not be a bad idea to call in the troops.


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## texasgirl (Mar 2, 2007)

Since I am transitioning jobs I am actually having to do both at the same time which is wearing me down right now too.  I haven't posted much about my husband's cancer but it is ever on my mind.  He is doing better (they think they got it all) but not out of the woods yet.  It is still very hard for me to talk about.

On the family thing - they are all 2,000 miles away.  We are up here by ourselves.  I just feel kinda stopped in my tracks - not able to think or even get up off my office chair. My doctors did say that if things don't get better they will put me in the hospital - I am hoping the medicine change will make a difference.  I am thinking about hiring someone from the paper to help us since my husband can't really lift anything because of the surgery.

I appreciate your support and helping me think which is the hardest right now.  :hug: 

TG


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## Into The Light (Mar 2, 2007)

it must be terribly difficult being so worried about your husband. that's very rough. i am keeping my fingers crossed for you both.

good idea to hire someone. i think any help you can get you should go for.


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