# What are some ways I can handle pressure better?



## TheNorm (Jan 17, 2008)

I'm not very good at handling pressure. I get stressed and curl up and get anxious.  What can I do to better deal?


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## Retired (Jan 17, 2008)

*Re: WHat are some ways I can handle pressure better?*

Norm,

Are the situations that cause you stress work or job related or home life related?

Can you identify the types of situations in advance that cause you stress and anxiety?


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## ladylore (Jan 18, 2008)

*Re: WHat are some ways I can handle pressure better?*

I practice mindfullness on a fairly regular basis. All it really is, is focusing on what is in front of you at that very moment and let everything else slide away - as in washing the dishes. When that is over then focussing on the next thing at hand.

I prepare myself in advance for new situations.

But I do have the same question as Steve - What type of situations give you the most stress - that way there may be some concrete ways we can help you out.


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## TheNorm (Jan 18, 2008)

Um, being around others, having to converse, fear of being looked at, judged....


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## Into The Light (Jan 18, 2008)

what if you tried to put yourself into social situations on purpose rather than avoid them? make a plan, a goal of how often and where, and then work towards that. it's like anything else really... it takes a bit of practice to gain some confidence. it may feel uncomfortable at first but the more you do it, the easier it'll get.


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## Retired (Jan 18, 2008)

> having to converse, fear of being looked at, judged



Is there a reason you have a fear of people looking at you, other than perhaps feeling intimidated with direct eye contact?

ITL' suggestion to practice social interaction skills is the way we all learned to hone our ability to interact in social situations.   If you have a trusted friend or family member, you might ask them to rehearse and role play with you so you can work out your personal _schtick_.

A technique you might want to add to your repertoire is to ask questions of a person you meet.

Everybody likes to talk about themselves, and to know others are interested in who they are and what they are doing.  And, people like people who are interested in them.

So when you meet someone, remember the questions that reporters ask: 


How, 
What
Where
When
Who

How does it work?   When you meet someone, use these words to start a question about that person, such as:

In what part of the city do you live?   How long have you lived there?  What kind of work do you do?  What persuaded you to get into that line of work?  Who is your favorite author?

Another technique that works the same way to keep a conversation going is to answer a question with a question.

So if your new friend asks you what type of work _you_ do, you can say, "I work as a xxxx, and what kind of work do _you_ do?"

There surely are other good techniques to maintain a conversation with a new friend that others have. What is your favorite?

(see what I mean?) ...


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## ladylore (Jan 19, 2008)

> A technique you might want to add to your repertoire is to ask questions of a person you meet.
> 
> Everybody likes to talk about themselves, and to know others are interested in who they are and what they are doing. And, people like people who are interested in them.



One of my favorite techniques. :2thumbs:

Another thing I keep in mind is that the other person may be just as nervous about social situations as I am. That way I don't feel so alone or strange.


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## braveheart (Jan 20, 2008)

I understand those fears. It's something I have to work with on a daily basis myself as a result of abuse I suffered as a child and teen. 
Although I am nowhere near Miss Sociable, I do have people in my life who I know I can trust and feel safe with. This 'safe circle' is a source of strength and proof for me that not everyone is out to hurt and ridicule me - as they once were. And I take comfort in the fact that these people were once unknown to me, so I do have the ability to feel safe with other people - and myself, which is really the crux of it.
My suggestion would be to reflect a bit on times and people you've been with which did feel ok for you, and focus on building these.


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