# am i okay



## Ashley-Kate (Jun 26, 2005)

Hello ..
 in the past I was hospitalised three times for attempted suidie and another for an e-d .. the other day my shrink asked me if I have been thinking of suicide and all and well to say the truth yeah and to him I said nothing so he guessed it was a yes but just because I am thinking of it does not mean i am going to do anything and it is as if that he doesn't get .. I do not want ot dye .. it's just like sometimes I think why didn't I just dye then or life is just to  hard I don't know if I can take it n-e more .... but  then again I realise that I have friends and famillly that although  they worry about me none strop they love me and would be hurt if I lived so at the moment I am living for my twined sister and family I don't beleive that I would kill myself but tey all seem worried that that is an alternative ...I don't know what to say to make them see that I don't wan to dye and that I am just depressive.. I was diagnost 2 years ago with depression  an it has not gotten furthe in to that I am just always sad but I  don't want o dye .. am I in some danger are they doing the right thing by worrying??
yours trully 
ashley


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 26, 2005)

What makes you think your therapist doesn't "get it"? If s/he really thought you were actively suicidal, it's highly unlikely you would have just been sent home with a car for your next appointment.

A good therapist is trained in suicide assessment and it is a lot more than just asking whether the individual has had or is having thoughts about suicide.



> am I in some danger are they doing the right thing by worrying??


Of course - as long as you are feeling depressed and thinking even casually about suicide, there is an increased risk and people who care about you should be worrying. That isn't a prediction that you are going to act on it -- it's just realistically recognizing that it increases the risk.

Continue to trust your therapist... s/he can help you with the feelings that drive those thoughts.


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## Ashley-Kate (Jun 27, 2005)

*why am i like this*

Why is it that when I see a car accident on tv or hear that someone died or anything like that deep down in me I wish that that perosnne was me... I hold a sharp object in my hands and wonder why I don't have the courage to put it against my chest...  I don't want o dye but I constantly fantasies about it ... I feel like I am broken ... impure ... dirty just everything about me is so very rong.... my familly is screwed up.. my father alcoholic ... and the sexual abuse I lived in my younger years everythign points out that I don't deserve to live but I just dont wan to dye and probably will never kill myself ever because I don't believe in taking the easy way out i believe I deserve to seffur but I am tiered of all of this and don't wan to think like this anymore..   I am always tiered and just feel bumbed out all the time all I have time to do is my daily ritual of exercises .. why am i thinking like this what can I do for it to stop ...
ashley-kate


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