# Comical Song Lyrics



## Retired (Aug 3, 2009)

There are plenty of song lyrics that can make you chuckle either because of the way they are written or because of the offbeat message they convey.

Like,

"There ain't no future datin' magazine girls" , Powder Blues, Doin' It Right

or 

I'm just hanging round a better class of losers
It don't matter if you drink beer or champagne
I've only found a better class of losers
Uptown downtown misery's all the same

Ray Price, Better Class of Losers

If you have some that come to mind, please share them so we can all get a chuckle.


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## NicNak (Aug 3, 2009)

*Harvey the Wonder Hamster - Weird Al Yankovic*



> Oh, Harvey, Harvey
> Harvey the Wonder Hamster
> He doesn't bite and he doesn't squeal
> He just runs around on his hamster wheel
> ...


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## Jazzey (Aug 3, 2009)

"Look Ma no hands" - ELTON JOHN - LOOK MA NO HANDS LYRICS

The skeletons they hung from the bushes and the trees
But not a skull among 'em said boo to me
In a time of wine and cheap cigars
I'm on top of the world
Top of the world Ma

Look Ma no hands
Look Ma ain't life grand
I'm a super power, I'm a handy man
Didn't I turn out, didn't I turn out to be
Everything you wanted Ma
Ain't you proud of me


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## Jazzey (Aug 9, 2009)

There ain't nobody here but us chickens 
There ain't nobody here at all 
So calm yourself and stop that fuss 
There ain't nobody here but us 
We chickens tryin' to sleep and you butt in 
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble, with your chin 
There ain't nobody here but us chickens 
There ain't nobody here at all 
You're stompin' around and shakin' the ground 
Kicking up an awful dust 
We chickens tryin' to sleep and you butt in 
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble, it's a sin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXdk4DOPgM8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKxj3KbSiYk


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## Andy (Aug 9, 2009)

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

In the morning,
Laughing happy fish heads,
In the evening,
Floating in the soup,

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

Ask a fish head,
Anything you want to,
They won't answer,
They can't talk

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

I took a fish head,
Out to see a movie,
Didn't have to pay
To get it in

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

They cant play baseball,
They dont wear sweaters,
There not good dancers,
They dont play drums

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

Roly poly fish heads are never seen
Drinking cappucino in Italian resturants,
With oriental women, yeah

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum, (yum!)

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum

Fish heads fish heads,
Roly poly fish heads,
Fish heads fish heads,
Eat them up yum,

Yea.. 

Anything Dr. Demento really. Of course there is this one as well...(Little tip:If you are ever in a "funny farm" do not let this song creep into your head! Especially if there is no other music around to get it out of your head.:crazy

Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees and begged you
Not to leave because I'd go berserk?

Well!

You left me anyhow and then
The days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind

And

They're coming to take me away ha ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha ha
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away ha ha!

You thought it was a joke and so
You laughed, you laughed
When I said that losing you would
Make me flip my lid

Right?

You know you laughed
I heard you laugh
And then you left but
Now you know I'm utterly mad

And

They're coming to take me away ha ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha ha
To the happy home
With flowers and trees and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes and
They're coming to take me away ha ha!!

I cooked your food I cleaned your home
And this is how you pay me back
For all my unselfish loving deeds

Hah?

Well you just wait, they'll find you yet
And when they do they'll put you in
The ASPCA you mangey mutt

And

They're coming to take me away ha ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha ha
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away ha ha!

To the happy home
With flowers and trees and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes and
They're coming to take me away ha ha!!

(mumbled) To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away ha ha!


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## Retired (Aug 15, 2009)

I watched Neil Diamond's Hot August Night NYC he recorded this year and was reminded of the lyrics:

Money _talks_,
But it don't sing and dance and it don't _walk_.

from: Forever in Blue Jeans


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## Banned (Aug 15, 2009)

This one's for Jazzey (pardon my spelling, it's been since grade 8!)

Les poisson gigotte
Les poisson barbotte
Les poisson vivent dans l'eau.
Dans la mer verte
Fond des flic-flac
Oh la-la qu'ils fait beau!


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## Jazzey (Aug 15, 2009)

:lol:  Thank you Turtle.

And yours made me think of this one:

Trois p'tits chats, Trois p'tits chats, chats, chats
Chapeau de paille, chapeau de paille, chapeau de paille, paille paille.
Paillasson, Paillasson, Paillasson, son, son.
Somnambule, somnabule, somnabule, bulle, bulle.

Etc...

Yours is better.


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## Banned (Aug 15, 2009)

It's actually quite annoying when you have the tune in your head, as I have for the last 23 years.  I can still hear the stupid cassette playing, and us having to sing along.  Who knew a song about fish could traumatize me


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## Jazzey (Aug 15, 2009)

..the song for the multiplication tables is the one that still traumatizes me to this day! 

I still hate multiplying.


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## Banned (Aug 15, 2009)

I never learned that one.  But I learned this one:

There are 66 books in the Bible
Come count them down with me
Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy 
That's five!

Joshua, Judges, Ruth and Samuel
Kings and Chronicles too
Ezra, Nehemia, Esther, Job
Psalms and Proverbs make 22.


And on and on it goes...

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
The wrote the Gospels four
Acts, Romans, Corinithians
Now just 17 more...

Eek


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## Jazzey (Aug 15, 2009)

....Kinda reminds me of "there's a hundred bottles of beer on the wall" song, except this one's for the bible...

I think I'll stick to my beer song.


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## Banned (Aug 15, 2009)

You got a hundred bottles of beer???  I only got ninety-nine.

How many humps did your camel have?


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## Jazzey (Aug 15, 2009)

Mine had 2 humps..:yikes:


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## Banned (Aug 15, 2009)

You got ripped off.

Mine had ten.  She lost them though.  Poor Alice.


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## Jazzey (Aug 15, 2009)

:lol:  Thank you for making me laugh Turtle :hug: :hug:

There's a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
There's a hole in the bucket,
Dear Liza, there's a hole.

Then fix it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then fix it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With a straw, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With a straw, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, with a straw.

But the straw is too long,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
But the straw is too long,
Dear Liza, too long

Then cut it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then cut it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With an axe, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With an axe, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
The axe is too dull,
Dear Liza, too dull

Then sharpen it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then sharpen it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, sharpen it.

With what shall I sharpen it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With a stone, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry,
Dear Liza, dear Liza
The stone is too dry,
Dear Liza, too dry

Then wet it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
Then wet it, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it,
Dear Liza, with what?

With water, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
With water, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, with water.

How shall I get it,
Dear Liza, dear Liza,
How shall I get it,
Dear Liza, how shall I?

In the bucket, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, dear Henry
In the bucket, dear Henry,
Dear Henry, in the bucket.

There's a hole in the bucket.


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## Banned (Aug 15, 2009)

My ship sailed from China
With a cargo of tea
All laiden with treasures
For you and for me.

They brought me a fan.
Just imagine my bliss.
When I found myself going
Like this, like this, like this.

**************************************

Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder 
Like a (something something) soldier?
Do your ears hang low?

**************************************

Black socks
They never get dirty
The longer you wear them
The stronger they get.
Sometimes 
I think I should wash them 
But something keeps telling me
No no not yet, not yet, not yet, not yet.


I feel like I'm at Brownie camp haha.


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## Jazzey (Aug 15, 2009)

...Yes, but it would be even better with some 'smores (sorry, don't know how to spell it).


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## Banned (Aug 15, 2009)

You spelt it right.  Mmmm...'smores.


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## NicNak (Aug 15, 2009)

*The One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater* 
Not sure who wrote this, but Raffi did sing it before.

Well I saw the thing coming out of the sky
It had one long horn and one big eye
I commenced to shakin' and I said oo-wee
It looks like a purple people eater to me
It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater
Sure looks good to me

Well, he came down to earth and he lit in a tree
I said mr Purple People Eater don't eat me
I heard him say in a voice so gruff
I wouldn't eat you 'cos you're too tough
It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater
It sure looks strange to me

I said mr Purple People Eater what's your line
He said eating purple people and it sure is fine
But that's not the reason that I came to land
I wanna get a job in a rock 'n roll band
Well, bless my soul rock 'n roll flying' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed under-growed flyin' purple people eater
one-eyed one-horned it was a people eater
What a sight to see

Well, he swung from the tree and he lit on the ground
he started to rock really rockin' around
It was a crazy ditty with a swinging tune
Wop bop a lula wop bam boom
one-eyes one-horned flying people eater
Ooh, it sure looks strange to me

Well he went on his way and then what do you know
I saw him last night on a TV show
He was a blowin' it out and really knockin' them dead
Playing rock 'n roll music through the horn in his head
--------------------------------------------------------


*Aikendrum - Raffi*

There was a man lived in the moon, in the moon, in the moon. There 
was a man lived in the moon and his name was Aikendrum.

And he played upon a ladle, a ladle, a ladle. He played upon a ladle and 
his name was Aikendrum.

And his hair was made of spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti. His hair was 
made of spaghetti and his name was Aikendrum.

And his eyes were made of meatballs meatbalss meatballs. His eyes 
were made of meatballs and his name was Aikendrum.

And he played upon a ladle, a ladle, a ladle. He played upon a ladle and 
his name was Aikendrum.

And his nose was made of cheese cheese cheese. His nose was made of
cheese and his name was Aikendrum.

And his mouth was made of pizza pizza pizza. His mouth was made of 
pizza and his name was Aikendrum. 

And he played upon a ladle, a ladle, a ladle. He played upon a ladel and 
his name was Aikendrum.

There was a man lived in the moon, in the moon, in the moon. There 
was a man lived in the moon and his name was Aikendrum.


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 15, 2009)

Original by Sheb Wooley:

YouTube - Sheb Wooley - Purple People Eater (1958)

An update:

YouTube - One Eyed one Horned Flying Purple People Eater


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## NicNak (Aug 15, 2009)

:lol:  Thanks Dr Baxter, those are funny!  :teehee:


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## Retired (Aug 15, 2009)

Purple People Eater, Eh?  Well, here are the lyrics for "Ape call" ...........

.....from 1956, by Nervous Norvus:

Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom 
ze-ze-ze-zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. 

Back in history before time began 
All the real cool cats had a solid plan 
When they dug a nervous chick they all, to a man, went 
Aaaaah - eee - yaaah! 

Ape call, doodly - ah - bah 
You wanna be cool man? Go ape! 

The almighty Joe swingin through the trees 
Was the king of everything that roosted in the leaves 
But when he saw a girl ape, a-hangin in the breeze, he went 
Aaaaah - eee - yaaah! 

Ape call, doodly - ah - bah 
You like to be hip boy? Go ape! 

A big dinosaur was a long, tall lizard 
He drift through the jungle like a slow blizzard 
But when he got a double take at a lady lizard, he did 
Aaaaah - eee - yaaah! 

Ape call, doodly - ah - bah 
You wanna be sharp cat? Go ape 

A pterodactyl was a flyin fool 
Just a... - I thought Id break 
in and tell you what a pterodactyl was. Well, it was sort of a stork 
lookin bat with sharp teeth that cruised around lookin for... say, we 
Top40db: The most accurate lyrics site on the net.
havent changed a bit, have we cats? 

A pterodactyl was a flyin fool 
Just a breeze flappin daddy of the old school 
But a mama dactyl could sure make him drool 
Aaaaah - eee - yaaah! 

Ape call, doodly - ah - bah 
Dont be square Joe. Go ape! 

Now old papa tiger was the boss of the Nile 
Just a sport model cat with a solid style 
He was old King Cool til a girl tiger smiled 
Aaaaah - eee - yaaah! 

Ape call, doodly - ah - bah 
Bees warts daddio, go ape! 

Adam was the first boy in the land 
A big malaroony daddy with an iron hand 
But when little Eva said, Hiya Man 
Aaaaah - eee - yaaah! 

Ape call, doodly - ah - bah 
Dont be a cube, rube. Go ape! 

So remember to ape! 
Call today .... yeah! 
Aaaaah - eee - yaaah!


•Reached #24 on the Billboard charts in August 1956


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 15, 2009)

Here it is on YouTube:

YouTube - Nervous Norvus-Ape Call


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