# Double Trouble



## Domo (Jan 9, 2010)

I have noticed there are a fair few twins on the board here and was a bit curious about you all 

If you are open to it, I'd be interested to know a bit more about your experience and feelings towards being a twin.


Are you identical or fraternal?
Do you have any twin 'powers'?
Are you anything alike?
etc., etc.
I have a twin brother, not identical because the whole different sex thing gets in the way of that :teehee:

He is the opposite of me and i think the world of him.

Anyway i'll leave it at that for now and see if this gets any interest


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## Jazzey (Jan 9, 2010)

I have a twin brother too Domo.  Hmm - three minutes apart at birth.  Very much alike in many respects. Definitely not identical.  Boy, I hope no one would ever confuse us (I'm a girl) 

As for 'twin powers'...I don't know. As very young children, we were followed by a team of psychologists because we had our own language and, were, "apparently" telepathic. Even when he wasn't with me, according to what others have said, I always knew what he was up to...


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## Domo (Jan 9, 2010)

Oh you had your own language! That's awesome.

What is your relationship like with him now?

I am close with my brother but his priority is his to be wife and their puppy  

There is something about twins that i think is really amazing.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 9, 2010)

I have an identical twin noone could tell us apart  They would always call both names when calling one of us because they never knew.  I have a special connection with my twin both of us know when the other is in trouble suffering   My twin was having my labour pains when i gave birth to my son. She was so mad because she was in army and out of no where she was on floor yelling with abdominal pain   she called and found out it was same time i gave birth.  Crazy but true. She is the oldest by a few minutes  I was a breach baby came out feet first.  We still have that connection that sense when something is wrong.


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## Jazzey (Jan 9, 2010)

Domonation said:


> What is your relationship like with him now?



We're very close. 



> There is something about twins that i think is really amazing.



There is something very special about it...You always have someone with whom to celebrate your birthday.


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## Domo (Jan 10, 2010)

Wow Violet, that is amazing!

I was a breach baby too 

You both sound like better twins then my brother and i am


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## forgetmenot (Jan 10, 2010)

Funny my sister just said i kicked her out and been kicking her around ever since. ah ah
We have our not so good moments but we know each other cares and that we would do anything to help each other in any way we could.   It is hard sometimes because we are so intertwined but i am learning slowly that i need to look after me first so i am strong for her.


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## Domo (Jan 10, 2010)

:lol: I like that.

We were seven weeks premature. My brother wouldn't wait any longer. me on the other hand, well they had to drag me out.

From the get go we were very different to eachother. My brother was outgoing, energetic etc and i was just always in my head. I suppose in that regard nothing has changed.

Hrm i kind of wish that my brother and i were more intertwined. I know he is there for me but i don't think he really understands me or knows me.

I am glad you are looking after yourself first though :2thumbs:


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## forgetmenot (Jan 10, 2010)

My twin is different too. she got better marks in all the sciences like chemistry math business well i obtained higher marks in the languages biology  Never did well with numbers and she excelled   We are different in that way she was always so strong protective of me but now it seems i am the one that has to be strong to protect her its my turn now.


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## Domo (Jan 10, 2010)

My brother is really smart too. Me not so much 

If you don't mind me asking, does your sister suffer from any mental health problems?


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## forgetmenot (Jan 10, 2010)

Yes she does it makes me so sad because she struggles so but she is near me now and she has gotten some help from a kind doctor.  She suffers from schizophrenia, depression, PTSD,and others titles doctors have given her multiple personalities, borderline personalities etc etc etc.  She is going to try new medication like my daughter is on so i hope she stays well with it.  I feel so guilty sometimes that she is suffering so  I have no mental illness really i just have to deal with sadness and some past issues but i am well.


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## Domo (Jan 10, 2010)

Wow that's a lot to deal with. You do well considering.

Do you have a history of mental illness in your family?

I don't. I am the only one. Sometimes i wonder if something happened to make me this way or maybe i am the beginning of it all and if i ever had kids they would be like me or worse. 

I am not sure how it works with genes and all that.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 10, 2010)

Yes a family history two brothers with schizophrenia my identical twin now my daughter  and a brother who took his life just a year ago oh it is so hard but thats life.  I am there for them as much as i can be because is see that maybe i was spared so i could be there for all of them. My mother got cancer and is now blind  I got them all help as much as i could  Im tired sorry take care okay.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 10, 2010)

Violet said:


> maybe i was spared so i could be there for all of them



Or maybe you were just lucky enough to be born with greater resilience and a different combination of genes, not just so that you could be there for all of them but also so that you could be there for yourself.

There is no blame assigned for developing mental illness but there should be no blame or guilt (cf. "survivor guilt") associated with *not* developing mental illness either.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 10, 2010)

I understand more me being there for myself because when im not i am too exhausted to help any of them  thanks.

---------- Post added at 10:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:56 PM ----------

I don't know if the guilt comes from not having mental illness but from the fact i did nothing to help when i should have.  I ran from a family i was ashamed of.  i hid and told nothing i should have told and helped her but i chose to run and forget to become someone else.  The guilt comes from abandoning her like everyone else did  We were so dependant on each other until she left me she left and then i left and we needed each other but we abandoned each other. It doesn't make sense   I didn't speak up i didn't tell i ran. that is why she is ill and i am not
I chose to forget the past  she wouldn't let it go and i couldn't stay. i am not making sense im sorry but now i feel i need to undue the wrong done.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 10, 2010)

But what could you realistically have done, Violet? How old were you? What resources did you have to do anything at all about what was happening? And how could you staying have prevented her subsequent mental health issues?


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## Domo (Jan 10, 2010)

Just sounds like you did what you had to do to survive.

That's not the reason she is ill Voilet...

She is getting the help she needs now and that is all that matters.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 10, 2010)

oh i can't remember exactly the age but i remember not telling  I told her to tell but she wouldn't um i should have told then maybe um she would of got help not kept it hidden.  um i didn't help her why didn't i help her um   I was old enough to tell  She never told either it destroyed her i think.  I chose to forget because i had too  I had to leave and become somebody new where nobody know us  I left such a coward but i forgot and went on i survived because i forgot why didn't she just chose to forget.  um do you understand i need to somehow undue the fact i didn't help her i ran oh god why did i run. im sorry just remembering some things and its confusing somewhat

---------- Post added at 11:28 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:22 PM ----------

Im sorry i remember now she left me she didn't even say goodbye i was in school um she left me why. Oh we were to leave together that was the plan but she left and joined army she was to be a nurse like me. I remember her growing to hate me she wanted nothing to do with me  I had no one then oh i hated me so much
 i remember she was 14 maybe 15  i told her to tell i should have told  She left at age 16 didn't even tell me i was no one without her iwas invisible i had to leave too. i was so confused in so much pain she never knew about me either she left me.  At 17 i left and i forgot so much but it is coming back in pieces  It started to come back in pieces when my daughter was abused just emotions at first now some memories now some past. Please just erase all this if inappropriate i am just remembering that all.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 17, 2010)

l.  i should have told someone anyone but was too afraid to. Maybe if i told she would have got some help she would not have run

 --   She told me she couldn't see spending another 3 years with me she left just like everyone else did.  She didn't want me either 

   --Go to the police no they tormented my family,harassed my brothers.
Go to my aunt, mother no they had already said from before keep our mouth shut  about another incident.

  I did nothing i let the abuse continue i did nothing oh god and i understand her hatred now i didn't help her when she needed it she always help  me.

Still today i seem to coward into myself i can't make a stand somehow and if i do it takes everything all my strength is drained. 

Just fighting for them it drains me  I am still that scared stupid child that would do anything to have someone to protect me but that is not going to happen.  I don't need protection anyways  it is over 

if i could have just had the strength to help her instead of hiding away maybe her hate for me would not have grown. There is still much anger in her when it comes to me so much anger  Can you blame her.


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## Jazzey (Jan 17, 2010)

Violet, for now you need to reserve your strength for yourself.  I know it's hard at times because boy, as abused children - are we EVER good at guilt trips (I'm a bad sister, I'm a bad *fill in the blank*).  I know you love your twin, and she knows it too.  

A few years ago, something happened in my family.  I needed my twin, his support.  At that time, he simply told me that he had to take care of himself first - didn't have any time for me, not even to talk about the whole thing.  I was devastated.  But, I get it now - I understand where he was coming from.  And better yet, I reserve the right now to take care of my emotional needs first.  Because I appreciate that I can't be any kind of sister/ daughter/friend if I don't.

You can still love her.  But, love yourself first.  And, remember that guilt trips are only self-imposed. They only affect you if you allow them to.  You may initially wince a little, feel that little twinge of guilt - and then, remember that it is JUST a guilt trip. :hug:  

As my psychologist would say "so what, s/he is upset...you can't control that".  That helps me keep it into perspective somewhat...


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## forgetmenot (Jan 17, 2010)

Hey i understand take care of me i do.  I wish i could go away so i do not have to see her suffering  but then i would be running again. 
Something happened yesterday and it brought so much anger and pain in me i  hurt myself.  
 I don't do that often The police that was there stopped me from doing it again  
 I just felt useless felt hopeless My twin was brought to hospital in ambulance she was psychotic and drinking  i just missed her. Funny i knew something was wrong that is why i rushed over there.  
They didn't even keep her long then she went home  it is never going to end i know that  

 I hear you okay take care of me right  I wish i could i really truly wish i could but there always seems to be someone else that is of more need than me.   I am fine now i always am it is funny that way how i can just stop the emotions and just pick up and carry on.  
 Your right guilt trip doesn't accomplish anything now it just gets in the way of getting things done. 

 I need to focus on present not the past  stay out of the past   Thanks


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## Jazzey (Jan 17, 2010)

When's your next therapy session Violet?

If you want, you can share with us what happened yesterday.  Maybe that will help you a little?  Or, journal about what you were feeling - just get it out, ok?

Otherwise, this is going to sound really harsh - your twin has to be responsible for her recovery.  You can support her.  But, you cannot do it for her.  I sincerely believe that by being as close to her as you are, you are doing yourself a lot of harm in the process.  You need to deal with the past for your own reasons - not as a means of salvation for your twin.  Until you're ready to let go a little, the roller coaster ride will be never ending.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 17, 2010)

Jazzey  I had been trying to help my twin because her doctor was changing her medication around took her off of seriqual and on resperidone injection.
  My twin phoned said she was becoming psychotic again hearing voices from past  
She kept asking me questions about our past. I told her no NO i am not going there she kept talking about remembering when you know bringing up things i said no.
  um  I knew she was unstable   
I told her to take a seriqual because the resperidone injection was not working yet it had only been 3 days.
  Her doctor stopped the seriqual all together  i am sorry but that was wrong
  With my daughter they weaned her off her seriqual even with the injection given.
I was hoping the doctor in emergency would have fixed things but no she was sent home   
She has take her seriqual and is feeling better.
I will try to call her pschiatrist tommorrow to get this clarified if she should not be weaned off the seriqual not stop it cold turkey.  
My twin was bringing the past back  saying things like remember when she was screaming non stop remembering that past
 It made me feel so so bad and then i was angry because i had no control then and no control now  so i start smashing my hand into the brick wall again and again then the police stopped me

I apologised said i was sorry but was just angry and i left  
 She should not have brought the past back right but that was because of her psychosis her voices wouldnt leave her alone.  
I am okay I always am  I phoned my twin  i think she wants me to go over there right now i can't but maybe later maybe but not now i am into much physical pain my back and wrist  

Sorry i am rambling just know i was overwhelmed thats all  My daughter was home not well then my twin was not well and i was just tired thats all.  Im okay now.


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## Jazzey (Jan 17, 2010)

No rambling at all Violet.

While my mother doesn't suffer from psychosis, she also wants to bring up the past.  I walk away if I have to...It's not always easy.  And, it's not that I don't want to deal with the past - but, it has to be with someone 'safer'.  My mother isn't that person for me.  And neither is your twin for you. For that matter - neither is mine. 

I'm sorry to hear about your sister's medications issues.  Hopefully, that can be straightened out soon.  I hope you didn't really hurt your hand, Violet.  I understand the frustration.

Your situation is a little difficult Violet, because of your twin's psychosis.  I'm wondering, if in those kinds of situations, you can maybe send your husband to make sure she's safe?  Anyone but you.

I'm happy to hear that you're not really considering going over today. Yesterday was a lot to deal with - today - take care of you.   :hug:


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## forgetmenot (Jan 17, 2010)

Thanks for understanding   My daughter is gone back to Guelph now   My sister i went i had to to make sure she was stable.

Her psychosis was gone so no more mentioning the past so it went  well.

I will still call tomorrow to clarify about her Seroquel being discontinued so abruptly.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow getting blood work done and maybe get my wrist checked  reminder to self no hitting brick walls stupid really stupid.    

You are right though the past it is not good to remember unless someone is there to pull you out  It was a little overwhelming but i was able to just blank it out again just don't go there.

Tomorrow another busy day taking care of me then my twin   My mom and brothers called too I don't think i will have enough energy for them maybe Thursday i can go to help them.

Jazzey i am so sad about what happened but know it can't be undone now  It is awful to think someone could be so cruel He knew we had no one to protect us  he knew we had no father  he knew he was bad god why it doesn't make sense none of it. It is over now  but not for her it still plays on in her mind  I wish she could just shut it off like me.

Sorry my husband will not go to my twins for me and i can't blame him  He is doing enough to look after his daughter she is handful enough  and i do understand that.


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