# Seeking advice



## JFFB (Jan 20, 2012)

Hello everyone, thank you for reading my post!

I am a happy 26 year old male.  I've been going through a lot of life changes the past year and have finally gotten to a point in my life where I am satisfied with my job/living situation/and have a good social network.  I really have not been in the 'dating' game for a while, and other than friends haven't been talking to many females.  That was up until about a month ago.  I have known this girl for quite some time(since high school), but we were only acquaintances.  In a moment of 'just do it' I asked her out for some coffee where we hit it off right away.  Since then, we have been spending quite a bit of time together and have both told each other that we have a strong connection and that we like each other.  

The problem that I have had in my past relationships is I tend to over analyze things.  I over think things and let small unimportant things become major problems in my head.  I don't think I'm a jealous person, I just stress easily about relationships?  I have had quite a few meaningful relationships fail because of small issues causing me a lot of stress.  That would cause my lover to become distant and would just snowball things in my head.  

Would any of you be able to give me some advice to help me stop this before it becomes a problem?  I have no issues with failed relationships, because I know if things don't work out, they don't work out.  But I don't want this to be the cause, because I over think some things.  I really like this girl and enjoy her company a lot.

Thanks in advance


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## choco chip (Jan 20, 2012)

*Re: Seeking advice.*

hello JFFB.... I understand what you are actually feeling... i would really suggest you relaxation hypnosis.... or meditation. any of them would work the best... 

Try this also :  whenever you are feeling low or frustrated out of something... just sit down and write down all your thoughts in detail. And then try to replace all your negative thoughts with a positive one.... hope you are getting what i am saying and its not being too complicated for you...     just repeat this for 5-6 times... and i am sure it will make a difference.. you start feeling better...... 

I would like to receive a feedback if you try this.... this really works amazing!! 

All the best!!       :high5:


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## forgetmenot (Jan 20, 2012)

*Re: Seeking advice.*

Have you sought out any type of therapy for the way you think just maybe someone to help you deal differently when these stresses come up   like a therapist that deals with relationships     I think with any relationship there has to be trust perhaps that is the issue trust  you lack it   and also open communication is important  don't let the little things build up to one big thing  talk about them okay  with your gf    hope this helps


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## H011yHawkJ311yBean (Jan 20, 2012)

*Re: Seeking advice.*

I think I understand...  It sounds like you'll be happily moving along in your relationship and some little thing occurs that sets off some kind of insecurity in your mind.  It's like a little tiny hole in the dam, but it gets bigger and bigger until it explodes or crumbles...

I think with I agree with the folks above.  Somehow, for some reason, you are talking yourself out of relationships.  Sometimes when this happens over and over, it might be a sign that your mind is used to a pattern of behaviour.  Therapy can help correct this.  It's almost as if you start to talk negatively to yourself about your relationship, and instead of saying positive things to yourself and believing those, you are listening to negative things...

Perhaps it goes like, "Oh she smiled at that guy when he made that joke, and he hasn't smiled all day... I must be doing something wrong...  Is she attracted to him instead of me?  I wonder if she's a flirt...  Why'd she smile at him and not me??   I wonder if I should make a joke, too, and see if she smiles at me.  What if my joke is really bad and she doesn't smile?  Does that mean she didn't like the joke, or she just doesn't like me??"  and then your logical positive voice pipes up and says, "Oh come on, it _was_ a funny joke.  She worked 8 hours and is tired.  You weren't joking with her, you were caring about her and were concerned about her.  You asked her how her day was.  This waiter just made a joke, he's a complete stranger, he hasn't invested any time in her.  She just smiled because it was a funny!  You two have been going out for months!  Have some faith in yourself. Relax!!"  But then your more deep-seated inner negative insecurities speak up again, and even though the logic makes perfect sense, your inner angst seems to talk louder than your confident logic...   That's usually a sign that something in your past might have taught your insecurities to yell louder than your confidence...

Hence the suggestion of therapy.  Sometimes you have to write over the programming from days gone by...  And sometimes you need a little objective help.  Yoda was right when he said you have to unlearn things.  Meditation and therapy help!  (I should know, I've tried)


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## JFFB (Jan 20, 2012)

*Re: Seeking advice.*

That pretty much sums it up jollygreenbean.  Like I said, I don't think I'm a jealous person, I guess it would probably be inner insecurities.  I have been told I have a logical outlook on life, which is why this bothers me.  I know I'm doing it while it's happening.  But it just seems like the more I tell myself I'm making a bigger deal out of it, the worse it gets.  

Thank you for the advice everyone, I'll go talk to my family doctor and see what she has to say about it.

-Josh


*Edit* I'll let you know how it works out coco


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## choco chip (Jan 20, 2012)

*Re: Seeking advice.*

:reading:           :agree:


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