# So unmotivated



## Murray

I am so unmotivated lately! It is driving me nuts and certainly not helping with my self-loathing.

There are so many things that I should be doing, but I just waste so much time every day. I am just not interested in anything any more. There was a time when I would get so much accomplished every day and I was excited to begin new projects and actually even have some enthusiasm occasionally.  I wake up every morning and tell myself that today I will be productive and then still do nothing. Then, every night I beat myself up for being useless and non-productive again.

Now I am so far behind in everything that I feel so overwhelmed and anxious. It is just this vicious cycle that I can't seem to break out of. I am so angry with myself. I have even been passing up some amazing opportunities because I just have absolutely no enthusiasm or drive any more. Years ago I would have made the most of these opportunities and now I am just letting them slip away. I just hate myself and the absolute waste that is my life.  There is something that I dreamed about doing for ages and after striving towards this goal for years, this amazing chance finally came up. I was thrilled, but now a year has passed and I have done nothing to achieve this goal! 

My life just seems like such a mess; it just makes me so tired to even think about it.  The sad thing is that if I could just get up and motivated then I know that it would make things better. I tell myself that if I started to be more productive things would improve, I would feel better about myself, things would feel less out of control, more exciting opportunities would come up, etc. Somehow telling myself this isn't really helping. Every day is just more of the same. 

Sorry for the pathetic rant, things are just looking kind of bleak right now.


----------



## Domo

*Re: so unmotivated*

Hey Muzza teehee

I know this feeling all to well and how completely frustrating it is. The only thing that get's me up each morning is my job and even then some days it's not enough. 

Have you discussed this with your therapist?

I'd like to say set a few small goals each day but i know that doesn't always work either.

:support:


----------



## forgetmenot

*Re: so unmotivated*

He y know that feeling all too well Murray  It is hard to be motivated when one is depressed. Have you thought about medication as it does help even if it is just for awhile.  Depression seems to suck the life out of you but with therapy and meds you can get back on track okay.  Try getting some fresh air go for a walk as this tends to help as well.  The sun is out try to get some rays okay and do something just for you Murray something that makes you feel happy okay


----------



## Daniel

Do you socialize less on the weekends?    (If so, even doing grocery shopping on the weekends can help with being around people.)


----------



## Murray

Thanks Domo, I have discussed this with my therapist and until very recently he thought that I was just saying it and exaggerating about how little I accomplish. Just withing the past few weeks, I think he has come to realize how truly unmotivated I am. Work is also very good for me. Unfortunately (and fortunately) I own my own business, so my schedule is pretty flexible. This is great, but when I am really struggling I can just stay at home and avoid everything for days. Then, I feel even worse about myself and everything else. I would be much better off if I had to go to work, if that makes any sense.  Oh well, I do have to go to work tomorrow so maybe it will be a good day.

Thanks Violet, I am just doing the therapy for now, no meds. Your suggestion to get outside is a great one and I wish I could do it. Although I know going outside would be good for me I just can't. If I could get my husband to go with me, then I could go for a walk, but it isn't fair to him to always have to be my "security blanket". It is so pathetic but I have a very hard time going outside. I start to get very anxious and uncomfortable after just a few minutes. Basically I go from my house to my car, from my car to work, and back again. Since I have been in therapy i have managed to go to the little convenience store a couple of buildings away from where I work to get a snack. Lately, everyone has been talking about how lovely it is outside and it is making me feel horrible for not just going out and enjoying it. Most days I don't even know what the weather is like outside. Maybe I can convince my husband to go for a walk today, I know it would be good for both of us. I just hate that I am so weak that I need him to go with me.  

Anyway, thanks so much for the responses. I guess I am just wallowing right now.


----------



## Into The Light

i've been there too.. and it royally sucks.

why not start small.. instead of having huge ambitions at the start of each day, pick one thing you will accomplish that day. not a huge thing either - not something that requires huge amounts of effort. just pick one small thing, and get it done. it will give you a sense of accomplishment, and you will be able to build on that sense over time.


----------



## forgetmenot

Murray lately i haven't been able to do much on my own either. I go for walks with my daughter  I go for a drive with my husband  It is okay to lean on others when you are this low. They don't mind they would rather see you try then not try at all.  I just started to accept the fact sometimes it is okay to ask for help  It is hard i know but it is necessary to cope  Just open the door or a window and sit by it and get the fresh air.  Take small steps okay Murray each minute each hour at a time things will get better it will just take time.


----------



## Domo

Murray said:


> I have discussed this with my therapist and until very recently he thought that I was just saying it and exaggerating about how little I accomplish.


How does this make you feel?

Do you have a porch or a spot outside your house where you could sit? start out just sitting out there, might only be 5 minutes to start off with and slowly build on that as you get a bit more comfortable. Then walk to the end of the street etc etc.  Could that be a possibility?


----------



## Murray

Daniel, I don't socialize much at all. Once in a great while I do get together with a friend, but it is pretty rare. Grocery shopping isn't a bad idea, it is one of the few places I can go on my own without freaking out. 

Into the Light, you are right,I need to set smaller goals. I tend to look around me at the mess that is my life and make a to-do list that is unmanageable. I will tell myself that today I will clean the whole house, get caught up on all of my paperwork, exercise, etc. When each of the things on my list are huge chores because I have let them go for so long. Then I just get more angry with myself, which then makes me even less motivated...and round and round we go. Anyway, I will try to set smaller achievable goals so that I can at least see a little bit of progress. One of my friends once told me that she was sick of feeling bad about how little she got done on her to-do list each day. So, she started to add every little thing that she did do to the list just so she could cross it off. For example, checked email, or even made a cup of tea would go onto her list and then get crossed off. Anyway, you are right, I need to set some smaller goals for a while. I just remember the person I used to be who got so much done and it is so incredibly frustrating to be this way.

Thanks Violet, I just feel bad because I don't like to be a burden. I may open the shades in my room today, normally they are down so I don't feel so exposed. I think it is nice today, though so maybe I will try to see the sunshine.  My husband is going to meet with some of his coworkers today to teach them to knit this afternoon. He has said that I am welcome to join them. I may go, just to get out and be around people. We'll see.

---------- Post added at 11:16 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:05 AM ----------

"How does this make you feel?" your funny Domo.LOL

It was actually quite frustrating. He seemed to think that since I own my own business that I must really be very productive and just saying that I wasn't because I wasn't doing all of the extra projects that I used to do. The reality is that I am behind on everything and doing the bare minimum every day.
If I cleaned off my deck I could bring a chair out and maybe read a book for a few minutes I suppose. I haven't been able to do that for many years, but maybe I should try again. It is behind my house so I wouldn't feel so exposed. It just sounds so stupid when I write this crap.


----------



## Banned

Hey Murray,

Along the lines of what ITL said, how about making a list, and then splitting it into "Must do today", "Can wait until tomorrow", "Isn't urgent at all" and "I don't care if I actually ever do it" (ok, the last one is for humour sake)...but by prioritizing your tasks, it breaks them up into much smaller pieces, which may not be so daunting when you look at them.

Randy Pausch has an excellent way to prioritize tasks; if you check is lecture on Time Management (available here: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/anxiety-and-stress/18622-time-management-videos.html) it will provide you with some ingenious strategies to not feel so overwhelmed.

I can empathize as well.  The weather is so nice, and I have the day off...it'd be nice to lay around and do nothing.  I'm doing, what I should be doing (studying...kinda) with a bit of fun interspersed so it doesn't drain me too quickly.


----------



## Domo

Murray said:


> If I cleaned off my deck I could bring a chair out and maybe read a book for a few minutes I suppose. I haven't been able to do that for many years, but maybe I should try again. It is behind my house so I wouldn't feel so exposed. It just sounds so stupid when I write this crap.


No maybe, Murray. Definitely!

And also, none of this sounds stupid. I've been there and i understand how paralysing it is.


----------



## Murray

Thanks 
I did raise the blinds for a while today and at least look outside. It does look like a beautiful day.

I even got a few things done today. I have been trying to get a project done that has to be done within 3 weeks and I actually have it all written out, now I just need to make it look good. I even sent out a broadcast email to all of my customers and even did a bit of cleaning. I am still waaaayyyyyy behind on so much, but at least I did accomplish something today. Maybe I can get a bit more done this evening.


----------



## Domo

Nice work! Just focus on what you did accomplish and not all that is left to do. Easier said then done i know. But we have to appreciate the small things in times like this


----------



## Murray

Your right, I think I will write down in great detail, every little thing I did just so I can cross it off as done. Made a cup of tea, check. Threw away tea bag, check. That way it will look like I did a bunch of stuff today. hehe

I didn't actually make it outside today, though. oh well, like I said I did at least look out the window. I know that I shouldn't feel that this stuff is stupid, I just get so aggravated with myself. I hate this paralyzing fear that I have about so many things. When I think about the things that I struggle with, they do seem so stupid to me. Logically I should be able to just go for a walk, or drive somewhere unfamiliar, or make a phone call, or whatever, but when I try I just can't. Over the past year or so I have been trying to force myself to do more things, but it is still a struggle. It can be so hard to try to come up with excuses for why I can't do certain things when people ask. They just don't understand and think that I am weak or foolish. Which kind of goes along with how I feel anyway.  

Ooops I started to ramble on again, sorry. I just can't seem to manage to be concise.


----------



## Domo

It is hard for people who don't experience it to understand, just know that even though you feel this way, you are not weak.

Also don't be sorry. I like rambling 

Remember, baby steps.


----------



## forgetmenot

i am glad you are doing a little better Murray  Maybe today just open the window a door get the nice fresh air it  is soothing. Funny how sometimes it is so hard to do things like make a phone call but thats okay sometimes reaching out for help is needed.   I am such a different person at my work place but when i leave there i can't seem to do the littlest of things i just become so afraid.  None of it is stupid  You will do what you can on each given day and be greatful for the good days.  I hope you get outside today Murray it is sunny and warm I will try to go for a walk with my daughter again.  take care and its good to ramble lets the mind unwind a bit.


----------



## Murray

I am at work right now and I have lots of big windows all around me so I can really see what a beautiful day it is. Honestly, I wish it was a dreary day, then I wouldn't feel so guilty about feeling so blah. My business also does better when it is not such a gorgeous day. Oh well. I have accomplished a little bit today, not much but some, and the day is still young. 

It is funny how you can do things sometimes and then at other times it seems impossible. I am supposed to give a talk tomorrow night and I don't speak in front of people. Not sure why I agreed to do this, a moment of weakness I suppose. It will be good for my business(if it goes well), but I am afraid that I am going to make a complete a** of myself. Luckily my husband is coming with me to assist. So if I choke too bad, he will help.
Groups don't bother him at all and he has no trouble talking to anyone.


----------



## Banned

What is your talk about, Murray?  (If you don't mind answering).  Have you done the "practice in front of a mirror or friends" bit yet?  I know alot of people find that helpful.

It's pretty dreary here...would you like to change places?!


----------



## Murray

I haven't tried practicing in front of a mirror or in front of friends. I really should do something like that, but I haven't. I have been sort of going over it in my head a bit and I guess I am just hoping for the best although I am terribly unprepared. It is kind of embarrassing, but I am a quilter and I design patterns. So, I am going with a bunch of my creations to talk about them and hopefully sell some stuff. It shouldn't be too bad as I will just be talking about my designs, I just have a hard enough time talking to one person, let alone a whole group. Oh well, I just wish that I had never agreed to do this. At least it will be over soon.


----------



## Domo

Don't be embarrassed! I wish i could do something creative like that 

I'm glad you have your husband there for support.

Maybe it will go really well and give you a bit more confidence to talk to people in general?


----------



## Murray

I am hoping that it will go well as my publisher is really wanting me to do more things like lecturing and traveling to teach, ugh. I'm supposed to teach at some huge international conference next year. I tried to get out of it, but was sort of coerced. So, I figure I better start doing this more now to get comfortable before the big event. I just keep telling myself that they want me to succeed and if I totally screw up, it isn't the end of the world...even if it might feel like it.LOL

What's funny is I can sort of remember this other me, that was much more confident and capable of doing things. I never liked speaking in public and I was always shy and had my issues, but I never had problems going outside, or driving somewhere, or making phone calls, or any of the million things that I struggle with now. Even if I did have problems with something, I didn't give in and avoid everything. I don't know how I got to this point. It must have been fairly gradual, I guess. Just kind of sad and strange. This other me was also very motivated and productive, which is the opposite of what I am now. I think that I used to feel some sort of enthusiasm and drive to accomplish things. Now, I just to the bare minimum required (often even less than that). For many years I had a goal of getting to do a book of my designs. I worked really hard to get to the point where I could do this. Finally, last year a great publisher asked me to do a book! This was one of my big goals so it was great. Now, over a year later, I haven't done anything at all. I just don't feel any creativity or anything. The fact that I am letting this opportunity pass me by just kills me, but I just have nothing in me right now. Years ago, I would have had the first one done and had enough extra stuff for one or two more.  

Anyway, I guess I am just feeling pretty down right now when I think about how I am wasting my life. I feel like it is too late to try to improve things. Wow! That train of thought sure took a detour, sorry. I guess I will shut up for now before I get any more pathetic.


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey just do some breathing before hand slow breathing and don't look at the people when talking look at the back wall.  I have never been able to get up in public to talk never. I am glad your husband will be there for support.  Just know once you have done this it will get easier the more you do it.  I got thru having all those people in my house i lived. You get to present something you created you love so just be yourself okay and everything will work out well.  Let your quilts do the talking for you.  I think it is great the direction you are heading a book  designs of your own  Once you have started again you will get that creativity back just have to get the juices moving again thats all.  You will do great Murray I am confident in that and as you said your husband can help you pick up the slack if you have any trouble.  Way to go  would love to see some of those quilts what a talent.  take care.


----------



## Domo

Muray, please...you are not pathetic. Don't apologise. Don't shut up. It's good to get these things off your chest.

Depression just completely sucks the life out of you. 

Can i ask, do you feel like you are making progress in therapy? Also how long have you been in therapy for?


----------



## Murray

Thanks so much you guys.  I'm just going to hope for the best. I am trying to make some notes now. I figure if nothing else, I can hold the quilts in front of my face while I talk if I need too 


I have been in therapy for a little more than a year (this time) and I do feel like I am making progress. It is just slow. It took me ages to be able to open up and talk about my issues so things seem to be going better now. You are right that depression does just seem to suck the life right out of you.


----------



## Domo

Unfortunately therapy is slow.

I'd never try to push meds onto you (or anyone for that matter) because i know your situation. But just keep in the back of your head that if things ever get too much for you, there are options available to you.


----------



## Murray

Thanks Domo,
There actually was a period recently when I considered asking for meds because the anxiety and depression was getting pretty bad. Thinking about doing unfortunate things, and such. Now, I just seem to be back to my usual crappy self. I do think that since we are now really starting to work on some of my "stuff" I may start to make more progress.


----------



## Banned

Murray said:


> It is kind of embarrassing, but I am a quilter and I design patterns. So, I am going with a bunch of my creations to talk about them and hopefully sell some stuff.



That is really, really cool, Murray!  I've often been envious of people who are crafty and talented with that kind of stuff.  I think it's really awesome that you're doing what you're doing.

Public speaking is a skill and it takes practice.  Have you considered something like Toastmasters to help you develop the skill?

I remember when I was 18 I was terrified of speaking in front of anyone.  I decided I couldn't go through life like this so I got a job coaching gymnastics.  I remember the first class I taught I had eight pairs of eyes all staring at me, waiting for me to speak.  If I could have run out I would have.  But...it got easier after that.  I speak for a living now and really enjoy it.

You've probably heard the "picture your audience naked" line...I'm not sure if it actually works, but...whatever will make it easier...go for it!  Can your therapist help you practice before you do it?  Maybe give you some...not pointers...but some things to boost your confidence?

Just remember...it gets easier every time, so the next time won't be nearly as daunting.


----------



## SoSo

I can certainly relate to all this.  I have to force myself to go out anywhere.  That is why I got my dog, MoJo so I would be forced to go out.  Either that or have a stinky home and a stinky home is not an option so everyday, out with her I go.  I passed up a great chance a few years back to teach art, give classes and have really regretted being too shy/anxious to do it.  I just figured I had nothing to offer.  I even passed up being interviewed by the press, not good enough.  I wish I had made other choices.  I hope you will do really well with your presentation.  Ha, tried the imagining everyone in their underwear to make it easier but then I ended up with a really bad case of the giggles, oh my.  Anyway, all the best and agree with the others, we have to give ourselves credit for whatever we manage to do.  I will have to give it a go, writing down what I do everyday instead of sitting here beating myself up over what I didn't do.  Thanks for all the great ideas in this thread.
:support:SoSo


----------



## Murray

Turtle, that is great that you have been able to get comfortable speaking in front of people. Maybe someday I will get there. Maybe I could get some pointers from my therapist tomorrow, but it is probably too late. I don't think that I could do Toastmasters, but I hear it is terrific. 

SoSo, I am so sorry that you struggle too and have passed up some opportunities. Are you an artist? Please don't feel that you have nothing to offer, I bet you are amazing. I can totally relate to that feeling though. I can't believe that they want me to speak to them when I feel like I have nothing to offer. I just feel like such a worthless excuse for a human being, especially when people are looking at me. I have passed up quite a few opportunities because of this too. It sucks! 

Picturing everyone in their undies is probably not a good idea for me, I could see some giggling from me as well.


----------



## Banned

Murray,

Obviously they think you have something to offer, or they wouldn't have asked you to speak.  I've been in that position as well, of "why me?  There are 500 other trainers in the city they could have asked"...but I took it as an opportunity to promote my business.  If nothing else, use it for selfish purposes, and don't feel bad about it.  You deserve it.


----------



## Murray

Okay, major panic now! What the heck was I thinking when I agreed to do this? I must have been nuts. I have been fairly calm about this talk until just a minute ago when I pictured myself standing up in front of a group of people with all of those eyes on me, looking at me waiting for me to say something. UGH! All I can say is that in less than 9 hours it will be over regardless of how it goes. Even if it goes badly, it won't kill me...right.


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey try not to focus on what is to come try to keep busy okay  Do something relaxing today get your mind off it for awhile. As you said it will come and go quickly and no one is there to judge you they are coming to see your beautiful quilts and patterns.  Do the breathing your doctor taught you and just get it out of your mind for awhile okay  You will do great Murray especially with your husband there to support you.  Go and just have some you time okay no more thinking about it for awhile.


----------



## Murray

Thanks Violet,I am actually just getting ready to go to my therapy appt in few minutes. That should be a help. I probably won't be able to focus on anything other than this talk, but maybe that will help anyway.


----------



## forgetmenot

I am so glad you are seeing therapist and yes it will help you to talk about it and get some coping skills from him/her to get you through it okay  You will do fine Murray


----------



## Banned

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  Just remember that you WILL get out of this alive.

Well, alot of good advice does when you're already done .  Oh well...how did it go?


----------



## Murray

Well, I survived the talk and it actually wasn't horrible. My therapist was very helpful getting me ready for it. We talked about how my body dismorphic issues contribute to my difficulties standing up in front of a group with everyone looking at me and lots of other stuff as well. We also worked on imagining it going well, and having a cheering section of people who support me in my head. I am glad I had an appointment before this event. Anyway, I am glad it is over, and am relieved that it went fairly well.


----------



## Banned

Yay!!  That is awesome - I'm so happy for you!  The next one will be even easier and having an appointment the day of might be an excellent strategy until you are really comfortable.


----------



## Domo

Fantastic news Murray! Very proud of you :2thumbs:


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey glad all went well and you got some good coping skills for the day of presentation. Let us know how it goes okay stay calm breath


----------



## Murray

Thanks Violet,
It actually went better than I expected. I am glad that it is over though.


----------



## forgetmenot

I know now you can say good job and breath i undestand totally way to go now just take some relaxing time for you.


----------



## Crazy Cat

Murray,
You're not alone.  I could have written your post.  No motivation yet I berate myself for not having the motivation to get motivation!  I even take Ritalin for my ADD; 60 mgs. and nothing.  I could be taking placebos and have the same effect.

I hate my life.  That doesn't help.

Adriane


----------

