# So a professor walks into a bar... (Pay attention. This is research.)



## David Baxter PhD (May 5, 2006)

So a professor walks into a bar... (Pay attention. This is research.)
Thursday, November 10, 2005
by Tom Spears, _The Ottawa Citizen_

Psychologists from a couple of British universities have gone trolling for babes, and analysed 40 pickup lines in terms of likelihood of success. Or as they call it when applying for grants, they analysed "verbal signals of genetic quality."

Believe it or not, they claim a man?s best chance of impressing women is by saying something like: "It?s hot today isn?t it? It?s the best weather when you?re training for a marathon."

At least, that got the most favourable response from 205 women tested by the combined brainpower of Edinburgh AND Central Lancashire Universities.

Leaves you wondering what the worst pickup line was, right? It was this: "You?re the star that completes the constellation of my existence."

Followed closely by bragging about your money: "I was wondering if you had space in your bag for my Mercedes keys." 

Okay, back to the allegedly good ones. The trick, says psychologist Christopher Bale (no relation to the Batman actor) is to make yourself look witty, bright, and other good things. Good taste in music helps, so say this, he suggests:

"The Moonlight Sonata or, to give it its true name, Sonata quasi una fantasia. A fittingly beautiful piece for a beautiful lady."

Or: "Your eyes are blue like the ocean, and baby, I?m lost at sea."

A couple of intrepid Brit reporters (and yes, I am plagiarizing from the Independent) went bar-hopping with these lines. Total failure everywhere. One reporter pulled out the blue-eyes-like-the-ocean line on some young woman and she told him: "You?re an idiot. And you?re colour-blind. They?re brown."

Universities often brag about their latest research on websites. Strangely, neither Edinburgh nor Central Lancashire says a peep about this one. Hey, at least it's not my tax money.

Dark Matter bets Bale is single, and likely to stay that way.


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## Holly (May 5, 2006)

The Ottawa Citizen :yuck: :yuck: :yuck: :yuck: :yuck:


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## David Baxter PhD (May 5, 2006)

Wasn't that the same Ottawa Citizen you were quoting yesterday as proof the Senators were going to lose to the Sabres? :huh: :think: :hmm: mg:


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## Holly (May 5, 2006)

David Baxter  said:
			
		

> Wasn't that the same Ottawa Citizen you were quoting yesterday as proof the Senators were going to lose to the Sabres? :huh: :think: :hmm: mg:


NOTE TO DOC ON WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE SENATORS AND HIS QUOTE _*Don't believe everything you read... especially not the Ottawa Citizen  *_


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## ThatLady (May 5, 2006)

Ummm...whatever happened to "hello"? :yikes:


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## David Baxter PhD (May 5, 2006)

"Hello" is soooo last century, I'm told. My sons answer the phone this way:

#1: "Hey."

#2: "Hey, man. What's going down?"

#3: "Hi, dad" (or if it's his mom, "Hi mom, what do you want?")

Not a hello in the bunch...


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## Holly (May 5, 2006)

I will say hello, what is up?
after you have listen to the message which is saying:
I listen too Jack please leave a message after the tone!! 
Jack is the radio station giving out the money!
Which I hope to win one day?


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## Peanut (May 5, 2006)

> Leaves you wondering what the worst pickup line was, right? It was this: "You?re the star that completes the constellation of my existence."
> 
> Followed closely by bragging about your money: "I was wondering if you had space in your bag for my Mercedes keys."



LOLOLOLOL :lmao:  Those are SO BAD!!!! :lol: Especially the second one!!!!!!!!! :lmao:


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## just mary (May 6, 2006)

To me, the whole study sounds suspect. In fact, I don't even think it started out as a study. These guys weren't having much luck and rather than admit it, they said it was only a "study". I think it's called "denial".  :cheers:


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## David Baxter PhD (May 6, 2006)

Or "how can we get our research grant to pay for pub night this week?"...


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## just mary (May 6, 2006)

> Or "how can we get our research grant to pay for pub night this week?"...


 
Exactly.


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## pip (May 7, 2006)

hmm.

The following work on me:

"Hi, my name's ___, what's yours?" *strike up a conversation*

"Hey, what's that you're reading?" Good taste in books and an interest in reading is a definite turn-on.

"You look lost, can I help you?"

Just nice friendly things really.

Also, I answer the phone with my name

"Pip Tighler?' or if it is someone I care about 'hey sweetie!' in person, I greet people with a hug and an ''ello dear!'

If my best friend calls? 'HELLO MONKEY-STORE' or 'GEITENNUEKER!', based on an inside joke. It's a not so nice word. He told me it meant hello, I said it to his mother...you know the rest


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## Heather (May 18, 2006)

gee i thought that this was really important research, lol, lol.

Heather...


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