# Not really able to make this judgement



## AndPao (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi. I feel odd using this site. I know I only check it out when I'm not feeling too good. I guess that's what it's here for, but I do feel quite selfish for using it in this way.

I was just hoping for a clear perspective on something please.

I have been taking citalopram for a few months now after realising I'd fallen into a bit of a slump. I've felt a lot better in recent weeks, but I do sometimes get terribly low. But I've noticed for the past few days that I've been daydreaming about hurting myself, passing out and not waking up. I don't want to do this, it's not a desire, I don't want to die. It concerns me, especially as I once took too many pills as a teenager, trying to end the anxiety (not my life). But I'm concerned it's a sign that I should possibly discuss things with my doc. I have a repeat prescription, so I'm not due to see her for a couple of months.

I've also been finding myself thinking how pointless my life is, how lacking in worth and purpose. Ok, seeing all this written down, i can see it's not a terribly healthy state of mind... I will make an appointment sooner. That was to be my question really, whether these feelings were a sign of a dip into depression, or if i was just being silly.

I am quite alone (though I live with my parents) and lonely. I really don't have any close friends. I'm pretty hypersensitive at the moment and reading the most negative things into my interactions with people. Paranoid and defensive. Phew, glad I've got a week's holiday booked! I need a nice break...

Thanks for listening.


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## Eunoia (Nov 8, 2005)

all of us have ways of coping when we don't feel "so good" so if it helps you to come here at those times then that's totally fine... there's nothing to feel guilty about and the fact that you know that you come here when you feel down shows you have insight into your emotions and are searching for ways to deal, I guess. 



> I'm concerned it's a sign that I should possibly discuss things with my doc. I have a repeat prescription, so I'm not due to see her for a couple of months


whenever you feel like something is not quite right, especially if meds are involved, follow that gut feeling and discuss things w/ your doc. Even if you're not "technically" due to see her for a few months, that is only for the best case scenario, right? and in this instance something has come up and you have every right to go talk to her about it, and should do so. she will be able to tell you of how muc that has been going on could be due to the meds (I can't help you there) or what you could probably due (ie. dosages etc.). 

do you think maybe something triggered those feelings you've been having??? maybe even back to when you did take too many pills as a teenager? I don't think you're being silly one bit, it definitely sounds like you're depressed about things w/ feeling like things are pointless and lacking in worth. Listen to those feelings and make that appointment, b/c it doesn't sound like things are too good right now for you. 

Living _with_ someone per say doesn't mean that you're "all happy" or "never lonely". In fact, many people that are surrounded by lots of friends, family, coworkers etc. do feel quite lonely. But again this sounds like a sign of depression... In the break that you have coming up, I'd say take some time to relax, try to just take things and see things for what they are and do things that you like.... allow yourself to take a break from "reading into things" and from feeling so worn down. Hopefully you're going somewhere nice and warm?? lol.

I hope that you make that appointment soon, and don't give up b/c you've taken that first step before and you're never alone in this!


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## Kanadiana (Nov 9, 2005)

Hi, if I were in your shoes, (and I realize that I'm not) I'd call the doc immediately for an immediate appointment and let doc know about the new things (passing out, daydreaming of hurting yourself etc) ... maybe it's time to cut back the dosage of your meds or try a new one???  I have no idea, but my first impulse was to think of the meds and see doc now ... and go from there. 

I hope you get this figured out soon 

Take care of yourself.


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## AndPao (Nov 9, 2005)

Hi Eunoia, Hi Kanadiana, many thanks for your replies, I appreciate it. I certainly shall give the doc a ring tomorrow for an earlier appointment. 

I'm sorry, I think I was a bit unclear in my original posting: "daydreaming about hurting myself, passing out and not waking up." I was a bit afraid how much I was able to say on a forum like this. What I meant was I was daydreaming about hurting myself so I would pass out, and not wake up again. I didn't mean that I was actually passing out (gosh, that would certainly freak me out!).

Yeah, just writing it all down has made me see I really should go back to the doc, and that what i'm feeling isn't really normal and needs looking into. I know I get a bit worse with PMS, and I've been a bit run down cos I've had a cold and have not been sleeping well. I've just been quite hypersensitive, and things that I would normally brush off or laugh off are kind of sticking and building up, and that effect just makes things worse!

I'm planning a nice little break to a little retreat in west Wales for a few nights, where they do nice therapeutic treatments and it's very chilled and lovely. I truly can't wait.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. You've been a great help, thanks. Best wishes to you all too.


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## Eunoia (Nov 9, 2005)

if you're ever uncertain about what is ok to say and what's not (out of courtesy to everyone else) check out the following: 
http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/rules.php
The most important thing that you should keep in mind is that what you say may potentially trigger someone else in a negative way. And ensuring everyone's safety and well being (as much as is possible) and even just feeling comfortable on here is definitely important. 

Good to hear that you decided to make an earlier appointment... all those thoughts that you've been having about hurting yourself and eventually not wake up don't sound too good! In the end, if some of this or all of it can be attributed to ie. PMS, feeling down from your cold, just being run down then that's great- but one it's still important enough to be checked out and two, you're not just talking about "feeling down" or tired but you're describing thoughts of hurting yourself and passing out and not waking up- that's definitely further down on the continuum and it's very important that you take your doubts about all of this seriously and talk to your doctor. 

Have fun on your retreat!


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## AndPao (Nov 10, 2005)

Thank you for your messages. I hope I didn't write anything too out of turn - I'm truly sorry if I have.

I have made an appointment with my doc, so that's a positive thing. Thank you for your support, I do appreciate it.

Best wishes to you all.


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## Kanadiana (Nov 15, 2005)

Hi AndPao ... how are you doing? I hope your visit to wales (sounds LOVELY!!!!) helps to recharge your energy and positives ... maybe things will shift and you'll feel clearer about what sorts of things you can do to make a difference. A doc is always there to run things by and advise or help. Let us know how things go okay  Take care of yourself in the interim


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## AndPao (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Kanadiana,

I've been ok, thank you for asking. I hope you are well too. I'm really sorry I haven't replied for ages, it was rude of me.

My doc appointment is tomorrow, though I have been feeling a lot better since I made it. But I think I should mention the bad patch I had, and see if there's anything I can do about that sort of thing.

I have joined a gym in the past week, to try to sort out my general creakiness, but I'm hoping I'll see an improvement in my mental health as a bonus.

Thank you all for your kindness and support, it meant a great deal to me.

AndPao


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## Eunoia (Nov 27, 2005)

we're all busy w/ our own lives, don't feel bad about not posting earlier... glad to hear your doctor appt. is coming up. Even if things feel a little better I would strongly suggest bringing up the way you've been feeling. It's kind of like a rollercoaster, there's the extremely low days, the really good ones, and the average one... but it shouldn't be more lows than highs etc... so even if you do feel a little better it's easy to slip back into a low if you don't do anything about it. 

physical exercise has many benefits, not just physical but also mental and emotional ones.. ie. it helps eleviate stress and kicks in endorphins, making you feel happier and better about yourself and life. and at least you're doing _something_ which in itself is enough to make you feel like you are trying to fight this and get through this and you will w/ time. Doing something gives your life a renewed purpose (you had mentioned this in your 1st post) and you may even end up meeting new people when you go to the gym! always an added bonus... let us know how everything works out.


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## AndPao (Nov 27, 2005)

Thank you!


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## Kanadiana (Nov 28, 2005)

AndPao said:
			
		

> Hi Kanadiana,
> 
> I've been ok, thank you for asking. I hope you are well too. I'm really sorry I haven't replied for ages, it was rude of me.
> 
> ...



Hey, If I've had a positive impact for you, then that's perfect  I love to hear that.  I'm glad you have an appointment tomorrow.  Hope you get some good medicine, whether that good medicine is understanding good advice that actually helps you, or knowledge that the doc will sort this out with you til you come up with some helpful solutions ... be they meds or whatever.

I'm still thinking about Wales .... ahhhhhh .... I want to go to Scotland ... the Orkneys  Must be my Scots/Orkneys bloodlines ... 

(keep us posted I hope?)


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## Silver (Nov 28, 2005)

Old thread sorta, but I still like to try to help when I can.  The gym you mentioned will help your mind as well, that is a definate.  It will make you sharper and more energetic and it will help with your thoughts in terms of easy problem solving and stuff like that.  If I may suggest 2 more things that may help as well, Self-hypnosis and Writing.    Self-hypnosis a lot of people may pass off saying its worth nothing, and saying it doesnt work.  It does.  It will calm you down, relax you, and maybe even cause some interesting thoughts to pass through your mind.  It really helped me make it through my late teens.  Just know what you are doing when you do it.  That is my real advice in terms of that, otherwise it can turn out slightly...odd.

For writing, that was and still is my favorite way to release emotions. I have written something like 10 short stories and maybe 15 poems that I feel are really good.  My emotions fueled these, and I wrote most of the poems when I was depressed.  It is a great way to let out feelings.


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## AndPao (Nov 29, 2005)

Hey, thanks for the suggestions!  I'd like to have a look into self-hypnosis sometime, but I have a lot on at the moment, so, it's on the backburner for the time-being. I'm currently thinking of looking into nutrition right now, as I've just realised that since I became a veggie (about 3-4 years ago), my memory has gone, completely! Well, it's maybe just a coincidence, but it may be useful to look into it.

Best wishes


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