# How to stop the obsessive memories and thoughts about my past



## BigZen (Sep 22, 2012)

Hi Everyone,

I have been suffering from depression since 1997, though I am sure I had suffered well before this official diagnosis made by my doctor...For the past few years I have been dwelling sooooo very much upon the past. Why did I quit such and such a job, why did I get fired from such and such a job, why did I not take such and such a job way back in my last year of high school and first years of university (over 30 years ago!). Or, why did I drop out of university that time (three times), change majors (three times), move from apartment to apartments, city to city...I am married to a lovely Japanese woman and have two great kids. We live in a rural area of Japan. My wife has noticed how I have been living in my head the past few years, often beating myself uo over past mistakes and resorting to alcohol to numb the pain...

How can I get this to stop?


Thanks,

BZ


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## forgetmenot (Sep 22, 2012)

Obsessive thinking hun can be helped with therapy  the what ifs hun they are just a waste of our energy our time.  I think talking to a therapist to help change that mind set would get you to live in the present and look forward to future more.   Do you have a doctor you can talk to  perhaps discuss what steps can be taken to help you out of this mind set  hugs


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## making_art (Sep 22, 2012)

BZ,

Have you talked to your doctor about this?


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## BigZen (Sep 22, 2012)

Hi forgetmenot and make_art,

Thank you both for your quick and helpful replies. Yes, I do see a psychiatrist here for my meds and talk therapy, thought because of the language barrier, it is challenging. I try to talk with good friends, write in my journal, read to get perspective and other ways to try and deal with these issues.  I often talk with two good friends who are American Catholic priests and this helps...

BZ


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## making_art (Sep 23, 2012)

BZ,

Here is an article which talks about how our thinking affects our emotions. The second link takes you to the section of psychlinks that has similar articles. Hope these help somewhat. I was also wondering if you have supportive English speaking friends there.


http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cognitiv...t/1451-the-ten-forms-of-twisted-thinking.html

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: CBT

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*Surviving Depression in Japan*
                                by Robert L. Seltman
2000

                                Being sad is understandable. A careful reflection of our love,  financial, or professional lives will bring most of us into the  doldrums. We know, theoretically, angst is an integral part of what  makes life interesting. At least half of good drama is tragedy. Yet when  despair gets us in her claws, draining all the little joys that make  our life worth living, a major dose of ?happy-help? is in order.

                                Do not waste time blaming yourself. Forget about drowning  yourself in booze, alcohol exacerbates depression and undermines  medication. Instead, head directly for a complete medical check-up.  While depression is a "whole-body" disorder, involving body, mood, and  thoughts, your depression may be rooted in a physical condition. Check  here first.

                                Women may have a depression triggered by hormonal changes from  oral contraception, monthly menstrual cycles, during or after pregnancy,  and at menopause. Men hormone levels fluctuate too. Some diseases cause  depression. Your drinking or obsessive working may be hiding important  symptoms that need attention. The point is to verify your physical  condition and then, if depression persists, ask your physician to  recommend a clinic specializing in psychotherapeutic or  psychopharmacologic treatment.

                                Both cognitive and interpersonal therapies can help depression,  but you may find that you have gone beyond ?talking it out? and may need  a chemical solution. Antidepressants are not ?happy pills? nor are they  addictive, proven by the fact that there are no dope dealers selling  bags of it downtown. Antidepressants are not a fast fix, taking from two  to eight weeks to work by subtly increasing our neurotransmitters in  the brain (most often serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine).  Depression medication needs to be administered quickly and consistently,  and monitored carefully to be of any use. Antidepressants are not a  cure-all but they can be a god-sent when used properly.

                                There are therapy centers for English speakers in Kansai such as  Aoibashi Clinic in Kyoto (075-441-9373) or in Tokyo the Tokyo Counseling Services  and  Inochi no Denwa (Lifeline Telephone Service): Japan 0120-738-556/Tokyo 3264-4343 or TELL Tokyo English Life Line   03-5774-0992 providing immediate advice, but most likely you will need  a Japanese clinic for medication. A caring love-one, or sympathetic  friend, may be willing to come with you for at least the initial visit.  Visit an international religious service if you are in need of a helping  hand from someone familiar with Japan.

                                One can not emphasize enough how important it is in Japan to  express yourself clearly and persistently. Clinics are busy here. This  is a fast lane high anxiety society, with many people needing and  seeking treatment, be assertive and keep the doctor up-to-date on your  condition. Anti-depressants affect us all somewhat differently, and the  doctor will need to know exactly how you are feeling to appropriately  prescribe your dosage. Don?t fade behind your illness; tell your doctor  everything!

                                You may want to cut back from an active social and professional  schedule, yet do not hide completely. Networking with others can be  helpful. Taking time, even if it means mustering up all your energy, to  contact old friends, prepare special foods, to keep your journal, hug  your kitten, or any other self-therapeutic treats ?your heart desires?  can make a world of a difference. Though it may not seem easy at first,  keep going for tender loving self-care.

                                The best source of timely and comprehensive information, in any  language, is the Internet. Here you can find the exact chemical make-up  of the dosage administered by your doctor, the generic and brand names  used in each country, all the potential side-effects, and even the  opinion of various people ?pro and con? who have used it.

                                Each medication has at least two names, for example Prozac is  Fluoxetine, and Wellbutrin is Bupropion. Once in therapy these different  medications may become part of your vocabulary but initially ask your  doctor to translate the katakana name. Sometimes the pill packaging will  have the name printed. Type this into a good search engine and follow  the links for an expanding world of information. Also, by typing  ?Depression? into LookSmart.com, or your favorite search engine, you  will find comprehensive sites in England, the US, Australia, and  elsewhere dealing with depression and its cures.

                                There is a hearty assortment of national and international  support groups, many for particular disorders, such as, ?Depression  After Delivery?, ?Emotions Anonymous?, ?National Depressive &  Manic-depressive Association?, ?NOSAD? (?Seasonal Affective Disorder,?  for people seriously affected by season changes) and many more.

                                Via computer you can chat with others in a like situation, for  example alt.support.depression is a newsgroup of people worth visiting.  They provide the latest on related medical research, ?Frequently Asked  Questions,? recommended book lists, self-help suggestions, and a ?Who?s  Who? list of famous folk who have been where you are.

                                If you are comfortable in Japanese you may want to take  advantage of clubs set up as outpatient centers. For example in northern  Kyoto City ?You-You? Club ( Yu Yu Kan 075-721-6861) meets daily in  their own suburban neighborhood house, where outpatients mix with a  trained staff over coffee. Many hospitals have similar facilities.  Caseworkers can be very experienced with the way depression impacts  people?s lives and make concrete suggestions.

                                There has been a long-standing stigma attached to seeking help  for psychological problems, but this is changing. Still, we dread the  thought that people we work with may consider us less than ?normal? and  this prevents us from getting the help we need. A dangerous trap,  indeed. Suppressed anxiety builds, until we delude ourselves into  believing the sad reality we are experiencing is universal and  irreversible. Low self-esteem, anxiety, work stress, complicated by a  sudden hormonal or emotional shock, like childbirth or the death of a  parent, can tumble us into deep despair.

                                Last year the suicide of several professors shook our small  academic community here in Kyoto. Could confession and communion with a  good listener, blended with appropriate medication, have brought in  enough fresh air to save these lives? When feeling down, check your  general health first, next check the Internet for diverse opinions, and  seek professional counsel. Take the medication prescribed while keeping  the doctor informed of your condition, and treat yourself to continuous  tender-loving care. Happiness is real, worthwhile, and accessible, and  you deserve it.


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## BigZen (Sep 23, 2012)

Hi make_art,

Yes, I do have a few supportive English speaking friends here. Thanks very much for your great and helful reply!

BZ


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## making_art (Sep 23, 2012)

BZ,

I'm glad you found Psychlinks because there are many others here who also live with depression


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## Darkside (Sep 26, 2012)

I used to do this same thing - a lot. Still do sometimes, but not as much or as often. I can't comment on depression or OCD because those are medical conditions, but I did talk to a therapist about this issue. The advice he gave was spot on. You can even hear the advice in songs ... like Fleetwood Mac's, "Don't Stop." The song goes:

Don't stop, thinkin 'bout tomorrow
don't stop, it will soon be here,
it will be here, better than before
yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone

Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.

Don't you look back,
Don't you look back.

For me it was the realization that everybody does this and the advice is the same for everyone. It is pointless and self-defeating to constantly look back. Remember and learn, but when you find yourself going over and over the same circumstances it becomes unhealthy. You can't change yesterday but you can change the next moment - you can change tomorrow.

The worst time for me was falling asleep. I would keep myself up for hours and hours going over the past in my head. Regrets, guilts, sorrows, and sometimes events over which I had no control - that were not even my choice. 

The advice was to change my thoughts. When I began thinking about the past he told me to think about my plans for the next day. What time would I get up? What would be my routine? Shower first then coffee and breakfast or have my coffee first? Which book would I read? Where would I go and who would I talk to about a job. Make plans ...

I also began an evening routine. Not too much stimulation after about 10 pm (turn off the computer and TV) and either sit quietly and meditate, walk outside in the night air or read. Reading became my favorite thing and I chose contemplative books. The books I chose were designed to raise my awareness; to force me to think about "higher things" - about spiritual things that took my mind above and beyond my personal worries and concerns. My favorite became a book called, "Our Many Selves" written by Elizabeth O'Connor back in the 1970s. It is filled with exercises and quotes from people like Victor Frankl, Carl Jung, Dietrich Bonhoeffer and many others.

Somehow or another this began to work and I found myself falling asleep more easily and quickly. In fact, I can remember the first night I did this and fell asleep and didn't wake up until 7 a.m. - not even to pee. Once I began getting more sleep my depression began to lift, my energy level improved and I began to think about the future more than the past. I still fall into the old pattern sometimes, but now I know what to do.

Whether this would work for anyone else I don't know. At the time I didn't have a full-time job and I do now. That certainly has something to do with it as well. But I wasn't making any progress towards getting a job until I started doing this. The most important thing for me was that I found that my mind was more likely to focus on the past and I was more likely to be depressed when I didn't sleep well and when I didn't actually think about tomorrow - so the words of the song really do mean something to me.

May God have mercy on you as he has had mercy on me.


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