# Not sure what is wrong...



## Drew83 (Jun 13, 2005)

First off, thank you for reading this and anyone who responds I greatly appreciate it. I didn't know where to turn but I NEED to figure something out before this drives me insane. The story is a little long, but without details it would be hard to understand. The content is related to sex based problems, so I appologize if this isn't in the correct place. 

My fiance and I have only been together for a short time, but we felt a true bond from the start and I have never felt a love so strong or amazing in my life. The problem starts though with this... she came out of a 3 year on and off relationship right as we started going out. That has always been on the back of my mind because we have only been together for a short time, and this is my first long term relationship (I dated a lot, but never felt anything great before so I usually ended before it got too serious). Well the other night we were lying in bed talking about something and the topic of my "size" came up. This usually is a good thing because I know that I do have a decent size penis, and she has always seemed to enjoy it. Well for some reason I decided to ask her something I had always wondered before, I asked how big her ex was... This is where I messed up. I never should have asked, but me being 6'2 and 240lbs, and the way that she acts when we are making love about my size led me to think that he (5'7 and much smaller looking overall) would have been smaller. Well her response to me was, Drew, you don't want to know. So of course I had to, and I said yes I do. She told me that he was a little bigger, didn't go into it anymore at the time and I never really want to hear about it again. 
Now I am stuck. I hate this feeling, but I don't know what is wrong. He is the only other person she has ever been with, and she is my first. I waited until I knew that I was in love.  The thing is, I know I satisfy her in bed. She always has multiple orgasms when we make love, and even if we do other things I always seem to be able to bring her to climax. She told me, in sort of a shocked way, after we made love for the first time, that she had never had an orgasm before, and she had 3 my first time making love to her. 
Now is where my mind starts running wild. The questions I ask myself are probably crazy, but here is some of the things that are bothering me. Is she lying to me about the sex before us? Is she faking the orgasms (though I really doubt this one)? If he was bigger, then she probably loved his penis just that much more than mine... and the idea of her acting the way she does about me toward another man drives me insane. Does she feel like I am inadiquite and just fake it all really well? I am so lost as to what to think. I know I should just put it behind me and forget about it, but I can't. There is no way. I know I should think about the good things we have, and the love we have, and the fact that we are engaged so there obviously is something good there, but knowing she had a past with another guy, and that he was bigger than me, and the way that she is with me sexually... it all just bothers me to no end. I can't think straight because of this and have to do something before I go crazy. There are probably more details, but I didn't want to make this WAY too long. Thank you so much for reading this, and please please please help me in any way you know how. THANK YOU!!!!

Drew


----------



## Drew83 (Jun 13, 2005)

First off, thank you for reading this and anyone who responds I greatly appreciate it. I didn't know where to turn but I NEED to figure something out before this drives me insane. The story is a little long, but without details it would be hard to understand. The content is related to sex based problems, so I appologize if this isn't in the correct place. 

My fiance and I have only been together for a short time, but we felt a true bond from the start and I have never felt a love so strong or amazing in my life. The problem starts though with this... she came out of a 3 year on and off relationship right as we started going out. That has always been on the back of my mind because we have only been together for a short time, and this is my first long term relationship (I dated a lot, but never felt anything great before so I usually ended before it got too serious). Well the other night we were lying in bed talking about something and the topic of my "size" came up. This usually is a good thing because I know that I do have a decent size penis, and she has always seemed to enjoy it. Well for some reason I decided to ask her something I had always wondered before, I asked how big her ex was... This is where I messed up. I never should have asked, but me being 6'2 and 240lbs, and the way that she acts when we are making love about my size led me to think that he (5'7 and much smaller looking overall) would have been smaller. Well her response to me was, Drew, you don't want to know. So of course I had to, and I said yes I do. She told me that he was a little bigger, didn't go into it anymore at the time and I never really want to hear about it again. 
Now I am stuck. I hate this feeling, but I don't know what is wrong. He is the only other person she has ever been with, and she is my first. I waited until I knew that I was in love.  The thing is, I know I satisfy her in bed. She always has multiple orgasms when we make love, and even if we do other things I always seem to be able to bring her to climax. She told me, in sort of a shocked way, after we made love for the first time, that she had never had an orgasm before, and she had 3 my first time making love to her. 
Now is where my mind starts running wild. The questions I ask myself are probably crazy, but here is some of the things that are bothering me. Is she lying to me about the sex before us? Is she faking the orgasms (though I really doubt this one)? If he was bigger, then she probably loved his penis just that much more than mine... and the idea of her acting the way she does about me toward another man drives me insane. Does she feel like I am inadiquite and just fake it all really well? I am so lost as to what to think. I know I should just put it behind me and forget about it, but I can't. There is no way. I know I should think about the good things we have, and the love we have, and the fact that we are engaged so there obviously is something good there, but knowing she had a past with another guy, and that he was bigger than me, and the way that she is with me sexually... it all just bothers me to no end. I can't think straight because of this and have to do something before I go crazy. There are probably more details, but I didn't want to make this WAY too long. Thank you so much for reading this, and please please please help me in any way you know how. THANK YOU!!!!

Drew


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 13, 2005)

A lot of men worry unnecessarily about way too many things when it comes to sex... I think it is a legacy of "skin" magazines and the pornography industry.

Drew, to begin with, in the vast majority of cases, size is not related to sexual satisfaction. You're almost certainly worrying about nothing.

Second, given the evidence in front of your eyes, why on earth would you think she is lying about any of this? Is she weren't happy with you, why would she stay? Why would she be planning marriage with you?

My STRONG advice to you is to start by assuming she is trustworthy and honest and is being truthful with you. If you find you can't do that, for some reason, I would urge you to think again about why you are planning to marry her -- that is NOT a good start to a committed life relationship.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 13, 2005)

A lot of men worry unnecessarily about way too many things when it comes to sex... I think it is a legacy of "skin" magazines and the pornography industry.

Drew, to begin with, in the vast majority of cases, size is not related to sexual satisfaction. You're almost certainly worrying about nothing.

Second, given the evidence in front of your eyes, why on earth would you think she is lying about any of this? Is she weren't happy with you, why would she stay? Why would she be planning marriage with you?

My STRONG advice to you is to start by assuming she is trustworthy and honest and is being truthful with you. If you find you can't do that, for some reason, I would urge you to think again about why you are planning to marry her -- that is NOT a good start to a committed life relationship.


----------



## Drew83 (Jun 13, 2005)

Thank you for your response. I have always had some trust issues, and actually with her I don't worry about them nearly as much. It goes back to my father leaving when I was young... but thats another story. Thank you for your advice though. I actually do trust her very much, it is just hard for me to imagine someone having more to offer her than I am able to. But I guess I should know that even though he could offer her more when it comes to size, it clearly wasn't as much as I am able to offer her in many other ways. This is the only thing that has ever come up in our relationship that wasn't worked out right away. We have a very strong relationship that way, and since I felt this was all one sided, I wanted to clear it up on my own before I let it hurt things. Thanks for your help! 

Drew


----------



## Drew83 (Jun 13, 2005)

Thank you for your response. I have always had some trust issues, and actually with her I don't worry about them nearly as much. It goes back to my father leaving when I was young... but thats another story. Thank you for your advice though. I actually do trust her very much, it is just hard for me to imagine someone having more to offer her than I am able to. But I guess I should know that even though he could offer her more when it comes to size, it clearly wasn't as much as I am able to offer her in many other ways. This is the only thing that has ever come up in our relationship that wasn't worked out right away. We have a very strong relationship that way, and since I felt this was all one sided, I wanted to clear it up on my own before I let it hurt things. Thanks for your help! 

Drew


----------



## Diana (Jun 13, 2005)

Hi Drew.  I think it's normal to have a slightly hard time thinking about and picturing your significant other with another person.  It's always one of those things that you just have to ask about, but then sometimes you're sorry you did.  However, you just can't let it bother you to the point that it upsets you or your relationship.  It sounds to me that you're already very confident in your relationship, and that you trust your fiance.  I think that often when we get jealous or worried, it's just insecurities and fears that are coming from within ourselves, not from something that our boyfriend/girlfriend is doing (if there's no reason to believe they're lying to you).  

As far as your "size" goes.  Trust me.  If she's having multiple orgasms, you have nothing to worry about in that department.  It means that she's satisfied and comfortable with you sexually.  The fact that she loves and cares about you probably plays a roll in it, but those feelings alone don't give you multiple orgasms.  Maybe this is difficult for a man to do, but I think you shouldn't even have to consider your size.


----------



## Diana (Jun 13, 2005)

Hi Drew.  I think it's normal to have a slightly hard time thinking about and picturing your significant other with another person.  It's always one of those things that you just have to ask about, but then sometimes you're sorry you did.  However, you just can't let it bother you to the point that it upsets you or your relationship.  It sounds to me that you're already very confident in your relationship, and that you trust your fiance.  I think that often when we get jealous or worried, it's just insecurities and fears that are coming from within ourselves, not from something that our boyfriend/girlfriend is doing (if there's no reason to believe they're lying to you).  

As far as your "size" goes.  Trust me.  If she's having multiple orgasms, you have nothing to worry about in that department.  It means that she's satisfied and comfortable with you sexually.  The fact that she loves and cares about you probably plays a roll in it, but those feelings alone don't give you multiple orgasms.  Maybe this is difficult for a man to do, but I think you shouldn't even have to consider your size.


----------



## ThatLady (Jun 15, 2005)

Sweetie, she's chosen to marry you. That should tell you all you need to know. A woman falls in love with the whole man, not just his penis. Obviously, the person you are is the person she wants to spend her life with. Let that guide you.


----------



## ThatLady (Jun 15, 2005)

Sweetie, she's chosen to marry you. That should tell you all you need to know. A woman falls in love with the whole man, not just his penis. Obviously, the person you are is the person she wants to spend her life with. Let that guide you.


----------

