# Right thing



## forgetmenot (Apr 23, 2009)

My twin called me on the way to work yesterday. She had her psychiatrist there and asking me if she should come home or go to this really strict group home.  It was very hard to do but i told her to stay another 6mths at the group home knowing i needed her here.  I told her to go and try this place out and if it got too much for her then she could come home but to at least try. I think she was trying to scare me because she said people who were criminals used this house as well to step back into the community. I hope i did the right thing  I know if she came home to me it would only end up with pain.  I wanted her for selfish reasons as i was hoping for her to protect me again  How stupid i am.  Protect me from what and who  I just had plans we go to our beach we could be happy again like we were when we were young 
someday perhaps but first she has to heal completely. I hope i didn't hurt her
i don't want to. i hope she understands why.  It hurts so much  mary


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## Halo (Apr 23, 2009)

Mary,

I think that you made the right decision for your twin although it may hurt for yourself.  This is not what is best for you but what is best for your twin.  If she can get some help and guidance from the group home which will end up to make her a better person than having her stay is definitely the best idea.  

I know for selfish reasons you want her with you but this is the best time for you to work on your own issues in therapy as well and so in time the two of you will be together but much stronger individually.

Take care


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## texasgirl (Apr 23, 2009)

I agree with Halo, Mary, even though it may be really painful for you now.  Let's hope she gets the help she needs so that that beach trip can be especially enjoyable for the two of you when she is better.

My thoughts are with you.

Take care,

TG   :support:


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## forgetmenot (Apr 24, 2009)

i here what everyone is saying i have done what is right for her. It doesn't matter anymore im too tired and all this will end.  I pray she finds peace  God know she deserves it.   i wasn't a good person to her now i am.  She needs people who will let her talk god i wish i could but i cant.   I don't have her strength she yells at everyone even after they hurt her she still wants to fight themall and i go into my shell and wish i could just dissappear. i can't fight anymore im too tired and it hurts too much Im glad she is listening to me she will show them all she will win for both of us she always did  mary
Whatever energy i have left will be used for getting my daughter well. it will all work out somehow mary


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## HBas (Apr 24, 2009)

Dear Mary,

Please see that you also get the help you need through all of this. Rest and take care of yourself - you need to be strong if you want to be looking after everyone else. Don't take your own needs for granted ... specially now that you feel drained!

:support:
HB


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## forgetmenot (Apr 24, 2009)

Don't worry HBas im alright.  just tired of the fight choose to step away for awhile.  i knew this will all go away as it did before.  i beat this all before memories nothing more it is people that hurt and cause pain.  i don't understand but it doesn't matter.  im okay mary


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## white page (Apr 24, 2009)

Okay Mary , 
You need to take a deep breath mentally , Your first concern is yourself , in order to function more serenely , things have to be put into little boxes for now , 

Box number one , is you and your wellbeing , only you can help yourself by continueing all the great work you are doing by taking your medication and seeing your therapist and general practitioner .thus being responsible, as your are being, for your life as an individual . Your life belongs to you and no one else .

Box number two ; Your sister , she is an individual in her own right , and she is responsible for her life and the decisions she ultimately takes , if being away from her family will help her then , the only thing you can do is to support that . Her behaviour is hers , as is her present distress , this belongs in her box and not in yours .  I know that you respect this . 

 She is being cared for by competent professionals and this is the very best that can happen for her . She needs her own time and space for healing . 

So please Mary give yourself that same time and space for your own healing,, this is the very best thing you can do for yourself and in the long run for your family . Self sacrifice is counter productive for you at this time .
best wishes wp


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## Budoaiki (Apr 24, 2009)

I think you are right not to dwell on an issue but I also think it is important to recognize the sources of your stress so you can be prepared to handle them. Otherwise the next time it arises you might be fighting off the stress and your own apprehensions while your are trying to deal with other things and in my experience, that is incredibly draining. 

We all have a threshold and when you already have a lot on your shoulders the seemingly small things can really weigh you down. I think that is part of the reason why we all need a little help with managing our load sometimes.


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## forgetmenot (Apr 24, 2009)

i understand thanks everyone for you support i am listening thankyou all.

i am going to psychologist today to talk; i see gp on monday for physical ailments

that is box l; box 2 my twin she has agreed to try this group home out for me she says. i know it is for the best that is why i try to explain to her she deserves the help the best care.

I don't know how break bond between all of us we are intertwined me my daughter. Me and my twin.  i feel all their anxiety and pain on top of mine. That is where some the confusion comes in.  It is all just a big mess

I will try again to get me well again.  Everytime i see psychologist i become a mess afterwards but then that is to be expected dealing with all past garbage dealing with the child. I have started to try to organize thoughts the box idea is great thanks White Page  Now i just need energy to carry them through.  Not sleeping well even though i am exhausted. I just have l more evening work then off for few days god so much to do why. You don't understand the work involved keeping my daughter well but she is my life i have to keep her going right direction.  

Then theres my mother god she calls i can't ignore her cries i want ot go away but can't   sorry rambling  just know i am working on me okay i hear your concerns and take them all seriously

i hope all of you find your peace and healing too best wishes mary.


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## white page (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi Mary ,

I would allow yourself some good healthy anger , if I were you . And say to your family that you are taking time and space for yourself , arrange with the red cross or other organisations to take up your Mom's calls for a while , arrange for your daughter to spend time in a rest home or other appropriate structure for a few days , your sister is already being cared for , either persuade your husband to go with you or fill the icebox with food for him and
drive to the nicest place you can think off , hire a hotel room , throw those responsibilities of your shoulders , put your feet into a pair of comfortable walking shoes ,take a deep breath of that fresh canadian spring air , and just drink in all the beauty and gloriousness around you .

I know it sounds like a fairy tale ; but it is possible and you can make it happen , make it happen for you .

best wishes wp


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## forgetmenot (Apr 24, 2009)

you don't know how many times i thought about just running and hiding for awhile but that won't happen.  I can't just walk out on people who need me. i just can't my first priority will always be my daughter.

if i am not strong enough my mothers cries she will have wait until i am stronger maybe just one more day

i love your idea of boxes but now i have appt to keep and my daughters awake go to run  take care thanks again for the fantasie it is nice to dream 

someday hopefully bye mary


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## white page (Apr 24, 2009)

Make that someday sooner rather than later Mary


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## forgetmenot (Apr 25, 2009)

ive been thinking about this.  I think i would love to go up to Guelph and just spend day with my twin.. Just me and her take her shopping go for coffee. If i could just get in that  --- vehicle and drive without panic attack of 401 I am really going to strive for this one this would be good for both of us i think. Maybe even take my daughter too all 3 of us shop till we drop  take care mary


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