# Need advice Right away



## Thelostchild (Dec 7, 2008)

Im soo angry at my husband yesterday we went into a store and I left to go look at something else while he went and hit golf balls, well I was talking to a guy about a spacific gof bag my husband wanted and I was trying to purchase it and sneek it in the car my husband comes up and we automatically leave the store with out purchasing the iteam. We get in the car and he ask are you wanting to see someone else like I wa fliirting with other people which is so not true. Im really upset and still am what do I do not to be so pist off.


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## Retired (Dec 7, 2008)

> We get in the car and he ask are you wanting to see someone else like I wa flirting



Is there an ongoing pattern of distrust on behalf of your husband?  If there is, why do you think he feels that way?

The issue should be resolved as soon as possible.  The ideal would have been to resolve it in the car when he implied you were flirting, but you might discuss it today in order to close the issue.

You might say something like " I'd like to talk about what you said in the car yesterday.  You asked if I wanted to see someone else, as though I was flirting.  That made me feel very bad because I love you and would never look at somebody else.  In fact, I was talking to the salesman about buying you your Christmas present. Don't you trust me?"

You need to set the record straight, that you were not flirting, that you love your husband, there's no one else, and he just blew his Xmas present.

Finally you need to explore his insecurity, to find out why he made the remark.  It could be that he was making a tasteless joke, in which case you need to tell him that kind of humor hurts you.

The key is to help him understand that accusations are hurtful, and people who love each other don't hurt each other with sarcastic remarks.


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## Jazzey (Dec 7, 2008)

:yeahthat:  I agree with everything TSOW has said.  I think I'd have that conversation with him today - don't wait on it.  It's obviously bothering you and, unfortunately, any kind of insecurity in a relationship tends to fester.  

I'm sorry you're going through this right now lost child - my thoughts of support are sent your way.


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## white page (Dec 7, 2008)

> Finally you need to explore his insecurity, to find out why he made the remark. It could be that he was making a tasteless joke, in which case you need to tell him that kind of humor hurts you.



Hi Thelostchild, 
TSOW is so right , insecurity in a person can cause so much misery , for both partners ,  pick a calm moment to talk this out quietly , best to do so as soon as possible , as this sort of incident can become oppresive in your mind . tell him the truth about the blown suprise , then maybe you can laugh about it in the future . 
sending supportive thoughts , let us know how it goes .
 take care wp


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## Meggylou (Dec 7, 2008)

:agree:


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## Sparrow (Dec 8, 2008)

Hello TLC,

I think I agree with what someone else mentioned. With this surprise golfbag gift scenario, maybe let the cat out of the bag and just tell him know what you were trying to do. Golfbag or no golfbag, trust can be a real can of worms somedays though.
Also, don't overlook some other "stuff" that might be piling up on both of your plates? Moving, looking for a job, your sister, X-mas etc.
BTW, I hope your sis is doing o.k. 
:support: to you.


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## Thelostchild (Dec 9, 2008)

Well I did finallly talk to him he got soo sick from me being mad at him. everything is fine now ..He sparrow my sister is doing good as far as I know she will be going to my parents house for christmas.. Thanks everybody for the addvice


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## white page (Dec 11, 2008)

Hey Thelostchild ,

Thank you so much for letting us know , that all is fine now , good to know !
I'm glad your sister is doing well and will be in your parents home for christmas .

take care wp


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