# Is OCD curable?



## Cat Dancer (Jan 29, 2007)

Or do you just have to learn to live with it and deal with the thoughts and compulsions? Could it ever totally go away?


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## ThatLady (Jan 29, 2007)

Like so many mental/emotional problems we face, I don't know if OCD is "curable", per se. However, I do firmly believe it is controllable. I think we can learn to change the way we do things, and the way we think about things to make our lives more positive.

It's like diabetes - a chronic disease. Diabetes isn't curable, but that doesn't mean a diabetic can't live a perfectly normal, happy life. They just need to change the way they do things. So it is with most mental/emotional illnesses, in my opinion. With medication and therapy, we can learn to turn what might have been a problem into an asset.


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 29, 2007)

I am having a really hard time accepting this diagnosis I guess. Even though I was up half the night worrying that I caused my nephew's death somehow. I don't know if that is OCD or just something else.

The thoughts go around and around and new thought come and then I worry about the thoughts. It's very tiring and overwhelming.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 29, 2007)

That is most definitely OCD, Janet. Why does that diagnosis among all others so worrisome for you?


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 29, 2007)

It's hard to explain. Maybe I'm not even sure why. 

I'm trying to look at it as any other diagnosis, treatable with CBT and medication, but the thoughts just swirl around and around and I get so confused and tired. I start worrying about if I'm even doing therapy right and I'm sure I'm messing that up and it scares me enough to not want to go back. 

There are so many thoughts that I am not sure about and it's tiring trying to figure out what is ok and what is not ok.


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## Daniel (Jan 29, 2007)

> but the thoughts just swirl around and around and I get so confused and tired...There are so many thoughts that I am not sure about and it's tiring trying to figure out what is ok and what is not ok.



One can literally spend all day trying to unsuccesfully manage obsessive/ruminative/negative thoughts.   That's why a behavioral approach, e.g. focusing on a routine of positive activities, is sometimes the only thing that can help me become "unstuck."


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 29, 2007)

Daniel said:


> One can literally spend all day trying to unsuccesfully manage obsessive/ruminative/negative thoughts.



I think that is what I have been doing and I am stuck. I have to figure out how to change gears.


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## Heather (Jan 30, 2007)

It can be very hard to acept a diagnoses sometimes, OCD may be hard to accept because it is something that others resent and make fun of. No one wants to be resented and made fun of, but these are only a couple of things. When I was diagnosed with depression I chose not to believe it I was like no I am just having a bad day, but the bad day turned into a bad week, then month, year, and further. I found that I had to accept it to make it better and to cope with it. This is often so difficult to do, but is, I believe vital to managing and coping. If it helps I have lived with 4 people wth diasnosed OCD and one person who we believe has it, so it is not uncommon.

Heather...


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 30, 2007)

Heather, I think what you said is true. I have this fear of the "stereotype" of OCD, like the television show "Monk." I mostly have obsessive thoughts, but not so many compulsions and no one but my therapist and people here know about the thoughts. Looking back I can see this thing in my life, but I didn't know what it was. I think now it was severe anxiety and OCD and other things, but no one ever knew or noticed because I tried to keep it all inside or take it out on my own body.


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## Heather (Jan 31, 2007)

You know I actually thought of Monk when I wrote that reply. One of my flat mates used to watch it and laugh in front of my flat mate who had OCD, with insensitive people like that who can blame people for the shame that they feel for having OCD.

I do not know for sure but I would think that the thoughts could be more annoying that the actions as they would play over in your mind, but I guess they are equal. 

I am sorry that you have had to keep how you feel inside or take it out on your body, this is not good as you know, I hope that you become more able to express these concerns.

I do not know if this helps but I believe that there is some OCD in us all (well most of us at least) for example me, I avoid touching rubbish bins, I try to get others to open it or I will do it (on the odd occassion) as long as I can wash my hands straight away, but I will walk a long way to use one i do not have to open and if I can not find one and can not wash my hands I will carry my rubbish around with me all day and take it home!

This doesn't change the minds of others though, sadly.

Heather...


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## ThatLady (Jan 31, 2007)

I think you're right, Heather. I think we all have little "habits" that could be identified as OCDish. As long as they don't impact our lives in a really negative way, they're not a problem. I can't stand to see decor pieces lined up on a table, or showcase, like little soldiers. Everything has to be offset, somewhat. If things line up, I'll move 'em. I have learned how to leave other peoples' stuff alone, though.


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## Heather (Jan 31, 2007)

LOL that lady I am pleased to hear that you can do that (leave others stuff alone that is).

Heather...


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 31, 2007)

Heather said:
			
		

> I believe that there is some OCD in us all



I suspect that is true. We call it OCD when it reaches a certain level but I think of it as a dimension, ranging from less to more.


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 31, 2007)

So maybe I don't have OCD?


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 31, 2007)

Janet said:


> So maybe I don't have OCD?



No, Janet. You most definitely do meet the criteria for OCD. There's really no question about that.


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 31, 2007)

Well, maybe it's not so bad that I need treatment for it. Maybe? It could be low enough to not need treatment. This is so confusing. That is what I wish.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 31, 2007)

Janet said:


> Well, maybe it's not so bad that I need treatment for it. Maybe? It could be low enough to not need treatment. This is so confusing. That is what I wish.



I know you wish that to be true, Janet, but really it just isn't. You're obsessive thoughts and worrying tortures you. That's why you need treatment - to help you cope better with those thoughts so you don't have to be as stressed out all the time by them.

Look for a book called Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior (Harper-Collins, 1997) by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. You'll also find additional recommended books and internet resources here.


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 31, 2007)

This is probably going to sound stupid, but even reading about it is too much.   I feel overwhelmed and lost.


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## Halo (Jan 31, 2007)

Janet I don't think that it sounds stupid at all.  I too often find that when reading about something that is troubling me or affecting me (like reading and seeing exactly what I feel and think on a page) that I become overwhelmed and unable to continue.  That is when I know that I need to step away and put away whatever I am reading and possibly return to it at a later time when I am feeling stronger and sometimes more able to concentrate.

If it feels like too much at this time Janet, put it away and come back to it when you feel you might be able to.

Take care
:hug:


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## stargazer (Jan 31, 2007)

One of the tools in my WRAP workbook (Wellness & Recovery Action Plan) is "divert your attention to something you enjoy."  I'm doing that right now, in fact, by posting about a topic I find interesting, on a forum (PsychLinks) I have enjoyed.  If I were to focus on where my head's been leading me for the past two hours, I'd probably fall apart.  So I think, as Nancy is saying, it's a good thing to stop focusing on what's troubling you.  And it's also a good thing to re-focus your mind on something else--something you will enjoy--as best you can.


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## Heather (Feb 1, 2007)

Sorry I was trying to help and can see that I confused the issue and you more!

I know that meds is sometimes something that no one wants to take, but it is important and it is nothing to be ashamed of, many people cope on meds or with other treatments. For example my mother needs to have her meds for diabetes, my sister has to have her meds for her allergies, a friend of mine has meds for her heart condition and so on, it is just like this it is another disorder or whatever that needs to be treated.

Hope that helps.

Heather...


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 1, 2007)

Heather, I promise you that you did not confuse me. Actually you helped me clarify something in my mind, that I am afraid of the stereotype. And after 7 months in therapy I confessed my diagnosis to my husband. He said he could see it, but now he's saying things like "Don't obsess about this or that or whatever." I guess he was trying to help, but it seemed somehow to increase the anxiety and now I wish I hadn't told him. 

I am ok with being on the medication now. It was very hard at first. I'm just not sure if it's helping me with this yet or if most of the help has to come through therapy. 

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you didn't confuse me at all. I confused myself and that happens pretty often.


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## stargazer (Feb 1, 2007)

Janet, what medication are you on?  (You might have said earlier, but I didn't catch it.)


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 1, 2007)

I'm on 80mg of fluoxetine (Prozac) a day and I'm supposed to take 1 mg of Klonopin at night to help me sleep, but I'm trying splitting the dose between morning and night. I think the medications are helping with the anxiety overall.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 1, 2007)

stargazer said:


> One of the tools in my WRAP workbook (Wellness & Recovery Action Plan) is "divert your attention to something you enjoy."  I'm doing that right now, in fact, by posting about a topic I find interesting, on a forum (PsychLinks) I have enjoyed.  If I were to focus on where my head's been leading me for the past two hours, I'd probably fall apart.  So I think, as Nancy is saying, it's a good thing to stop focusing on what's troubling you.  And it's also a good thing to re-focus your mind on something else--something you will enjoy--as best you can.



Stargazer, somehow I missed this. This is good. I like doing puzzles online and playing some computer games. They seem to distract me from the dark thoughts. Maybe they're not productive in the scheme of life, but if they can help me get my mind off the self harming thoughts, then I think that is ok. 

I also want to get back into the things I really enjoyed, photography, woodworking, crafts, writing, being outside, planting flowers. Things I've let go in the last four years. 

It is a good thing to refocus. I'm not very good at it yet, but I'm working on it.


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## stargazer (Feb 1, 2007)

Janet said:


> I also want to get back into the things I really enjoyed, photography, woodworking, crafts, writing, being outside, planting flowers. Things I've let go in the last four years.



That would be great, Janet, if you can gradually get back into any or all of those things.  All would be constructive and enjoyable, and they would also serve the purpose of diverting your energies from the things that trouble your mind.  Perhaps you will also receive a new sense of purpose or life-fulfillment once you take up these things again.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 1, 2007)

stargazer said:


> That would be great, Janet, if you can gradually get back into any or all of those things.  All would be constructive and enjoyable, and they would also serve the purpose of diverting your energies from the things that trouble your mind.  Perhaps you will also receive a new sense of purpose or life-fulfillment once you take up these things again.



Thanks for the words of encouragement. 

I liked the person I used to be better than the person I am now. I don't like how I am now at all. 

Maybe if there is one positive thing about the OCD diagnosis, it's that it does explain a lot of things for me, the worrying so much that I've always done. I always thought everyone was the same way and I just didn't know how to deal with it, but maybe it's just the way my brain works. And maybe it isn't my fault.

I don't know.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 11, 2007)

Now I'm worrying about excusing my behaviors by blaming them on OCD.


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## Into The Light (Feb 11, 2007)

what do you mean by this? what behaviours are you excusing that you think you shouldn't be? 

i think it's ok to give yourself a break. you have OCD. it's tough. don't beat yourself up over the fact that you have it. as long as you take responsibility in the sense that you work on it through therapy, excusing it is fine (in the sense that you don't beat yourself up over having it). you need to be kind to yourself. being hard on yourself isn't constructive. you're doing the best you can.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 11, 2007)

I get overwhelmed so easily. I want things to be perfect and ok, and life just doesn't work that way. It's messy and icky sometimes and hard and I think and self-destructive to deal with that. The OCD, for me, really does explain a lot, but I'm worried about starting to say to myself when an issue of anxiety or worry comes up, "Well, that just my OCD." I don't know if that makes any sense. Or maybe it means I've accepted this diagnosis. 

Thanks for your kind words. :hug:


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## Into The Light (Feb 11, 2007)

well, probably in more cases than not, it IS your OCD  and if you happen to wrongly make that assumption, it's not the end of the world. you're learning to recognize things, and like anything you learn, it'll probably be trial and error. don't try for perfection. perfection doesn't exist. do the best you can and when you make a mistake, it's ok. mistakes are good in that you learn from them


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 11, 2007)

Thanks, ladybug.   I am trying so hard to overcome this or live with it the best I can.


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## Nigel H (Feb 12, 2007)

Just ONE description I found of OCD ..........   an anxiety disorder in which a person has an unreasonable thought, fear, or worry that he or she tries to manage through a ritualized activity to reduce the anxiety. Frequently occurring disturbing thoughts or images are called obsessions, and the rituals performed to try to prevent or dispel them are called compulsions.......

So - the simple answer I believe is YES it can be 'cured'.  We have to be careful how we use that word though ... 'cured' because hypnotherapists and the like are always trained that we are not allowed to use that word when treating clients. 

So, if we re-phrase that to allow someone to experience the behaviour that their limiting beliefs create, to be dealt with to the degree that they experience 'that behaviour' going away - then yes it can be done.

From the example/description above - people with OCD [though I hate giving a behaviour someone has a label in that way - it is simply a pattern of behaviour] create certain behaviour to give them a coping mechanism to deal with some form of belief or emotion held internally.

Usually they will not consciously know what the true cause of the behaviour is.  For example, someone who compulsively washes their hands - thinks it is a reasonable behaviour to avoid being dirty in some way - but the real cause will be the belief they hold about what happens if they have dirty hands - i.e. "how is it actually a problem for them?"

How many times do they have to wash their hands before it is considered OCD?  5 - or 10 - or 20+

Doctors & Nurses have to keep clean hands in hospital - therefore the same behaviour has a valid reason - hence is clearly NOT OCD.  So there is more to it than simply the behaviour on it's own.  At what point does it become a problem to the individual?

Helping someone delve in to the unconsciously held beliefs and negative emotions that exist, which create the problem, and then helping them release those - will enable them to experience the problem disappear, because the things creating that behaviour have been let-go, so there is no longer any need to undertake that behaviour - the anxiety has been dealt with.....

Although perhaps a thought for another topic on this forum, I often find that giving something a certain label can make it SEEM insurmountable, when in fact it is a 'behaviour' that can be dealt with.

Food for thought perhaps!?!?!?

Nig


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## Cavi (Feb 12, 2007)

I had severe OCD by the time I was 4 years old...I hid it from everyone...
I am very stubborn and through that stubborness and persistence to break the OCD, it only acts up when I am under extreme stress...But its nothing like it use to be...I go days w/o having a problem...I feel for anyone that struggles with OCD...its like all disorders...it isnt fun to have!...just wish people that didn't have it realized that...RIMH


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

Nigel H said:


> Although perhaps a thought for another topic on this forum, I often find that giving something a certain label can make it SEEM insurmountable, when in fact it is a 'behaviour' that can be dealt with.
> 
> Food for thought perhaps!?!?!?
> 
> Nig




That is interesting. I think I've decide to refuse to accept that I have OCD. It must be something else and now I have to figure out what. Or if it matters. 



			
				RunninginMyHeart said:
			
		

> I had severe OCD by the time I was 4 years old...I hid it from everyone...
> I am very stubborn and through that stubborness and persistence to break the OCD, it only acts up when I am under extreme stress...But its nothing like it use to be...I go days w/o having a problem...I feel for anyone that struggles with OCD...its like all disorders...it isnt fun to have!...just wish people that didn't have it realized that...RIMH



I'm glad you overcame that.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

Maybe labelling people can be overwhelming to the person, but I guess insurance companies require some sort of diagnosis.


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## Halo (Feb 14, 2007)

> I think I've decide to refuse to accept that I have OCD.



Janet, what has changed that you now have decided to refuse to accept the OCD and look for another cause?  I think you were just beginning to accept and understand how OCD is playing a part in your life and there seems to be a switch all of a sudden, what happened?


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

I don't know. I don't want there to be a cause or a condition or a problem. I want to go back to before. I think things were ok before.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 14, 2007)

> I think things were ok before.



Before what? They certainly weren't okay before you started therapy. That's why you started therapy.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

I don't know. Maybe it just *seems* like it was better before all this conflict inside my head trying to figure out my thoughts. 

Maybe it's not OCD, but some kind of psychosis. I keep thinking this and worrying about it.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

Maybe I'm not ready for therapy, not strong enough.


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## Halo (Feb 14, 2007)

That is exactly what therapy is for Janet, to make you stronger.  People don't go to therapy when they are strong and healthy.  This is the perfect time to go.

:hug:


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

That does make sense. 

It just hurts so much more than it did before.


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## Halo (Feb 14, 2007)

Of course it hurts more than it did before, you are trusting your therapist and opening up about your thoughts and feelings and not hiding, escaping and denying them.  You are going to therapy and confronting them and trying to challenge/change them and that is seriously scary. That takes courage Janet and it definitely hurts but when I have thoughts of giving up or throwing in the towel I look at the alternative to how I felt before I started therapy, the hell that I was living everyday which was actually worse and the idea of what I want my life to be.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 14, 2007)

Nancy said:


> That is exactly what therapy is for Janet, to make you stronger.  People don't go to therapy when they are strong and healthy.  This is the perfect time to go.





Nancy said:


> Of course it hurts more than it did before, you are trusting your therapist and opening up about your thoughts and feelings and not hiding, escaping and denying them. You are going to therapy and confronting them and trying to challenge/change them and that is seriously scary. That takes courage Janet and it definitely hurts but when I have thoughts of giving up or throwing in the towel I look at the alternative to how I felt before I started therapy, the hell that I was living everyday which was actually worse and the idea of what I want my life to be.



Excellent points!


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

I know what I said was stupid.

It's just that I didn't feel this bad before. I wasn't hurting myself as much before and I wasn't really struggling with anorexia before. I was better before I think. It seems all these things have gotten worse.

And it doesn't seem like there is any END to it.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

Nancy said:


> it definitely hurts but when I have thoughts of giving up or throwing in the towel I look at the alternative to how I felt before I started therapy, the hell that I was living everyday which was actually worse and the idea of what I want my life to be.



But what is the goal? I don't know what the goal is and I don't know how I want my life to be. I know that sounds stupid, but it is true. And insurance companies aren't going to give years of therapy so I would like to figure out what I'm trying to do before the end of it.


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## Into The Light (Feb 14, 2007)

the goal is to become well, mentally and physically. to have a healthy life. to not suffer as you are and have been.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

ladybug said:


> the goal is to become well, mentally and physically. to have a healthy life.



I guess I really don't know what that means.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 14, 2007)

Janet said:


> It's just that I didn't feel this bad before. I wasn't hurting myself as much before and I wasn't really struggling with anorexia before. I was better before I think. It seems all these things have gotten worse.



That's primarily selective memory, Janet.

You have been better in the past and you have been worse, much worse, in the past as well.

Progress in therapy is not a straight line upwards. It is a series of ups and downs. You have a lot of closed doors in your mind protecting you from painful memories, thoughts, and feelings. Every time you open one of those doors a little bit, some of that pain escapes and you think you're getting worse. But in fact you're not. The effort it took to keep those doors closed all these years is what was killing you. As painful as it is, the key to getting to a better place in your life is to persist until they are fully open and the feelings locked behind them are fully conquered.


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## ThatLady (Feb 14, 2007)

Janet, your anorexia didn't develop in the last month or so. It's been with you for a long time. I'm sure there have been times before when it was worse than at other times. The same with your SI. There have been bad times, and not-so-bad times, but it's been there, with you, for quite awhile. These things are indications that something's not right. They are proof, all by themselves, of the need for therapy.

As you begin to confront the things you've kept covered up for so long, it's not surprising that these old coping mechanisms will become problematic. You're facing very difficult times and you haven't had enough time in therapy yet to form new ways of coping.

You're only beginning your journey, Janet. As we've said before, it's not a short journey. You can't get where you're going quickly. It's going to take time, just as it has taken time to get to the place you find yourself now, and the place where you were before you began therapy. Sadly, there is no quick fix.

Your goal is peace and harmony in your life. This is what you've indicated you wish to achieve, and it's a healthy goal. It's one worth striving with all of your being to attain. It CAN be attained. It takes work, and committment, and facing some really difficult times, but it's worth it, Janet. Believe me. It's very much worth it. :hug:


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 14, 2007)

I guess you're both right. All of that makes a lot of sense. I just feel not strong enough at the moment to deal with the pain, like maybe I'm not ready to go into those places, but maybe it's time, ready or not. I just don't know what to do with all this pain tonight. I can't stop crying. I don't usually cry at home. 

I want to be really self-destructive. I'm thinking about it and for the first time in a long time, it doesn't SEEM like the right/okay/helpful thing to do. Which is terrifying because what do I do instead? I feel like I'm losing my only friend. 

I don't know how to deal with the "fallout" of the day after therapy maybe. I don't know.

And it's weird, I want the pain to go away, but if it did, would I feel alive? Is it my friend too, just like I think the self injury is?


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## ThatLady (Feb 14, 2007)

The pain can be replaced, Janet. We replace the pain with self-esteem - self-love. It's a much more pleasant feeling, once you get used to it. :hug:

It's a hard road to travel to find ourselves and our inner strength. It's tough to get well when you're really sick. It can be done, but it just ain't easy, dern it! Just know we're here with you, Janet. We're always here. You don't walk alone. :grouphug:


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 15, 2007)

I'm worrying the diagnosis is wrong and then the treatment would be wrong and I'm totally going down the wrong path. 

Can OCD come in many different forms? I don't seem to have traditional symptoms. I don't know what is wrong with me.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 15, 2007)

Janet said:


> I'm worrying the diagnosis is wrong and then the treatment would be wrong and I'm totally going down the wrong path.
> 
> Can OCD come in many different forms? I don't seem to have traditional symptoms. I don't know what is wrong with me.



You have ALL of "the traditional symptoms".


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 15, 2007)

So if someone questioned the diagnosis because I don't compulsively wash my hands and I'm not obsessive about dirt, they could be wrong?


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 15, 2007)

Janet said:


> So if someone questioned the diagnosis because I don't compulsively wash my hands and I'm not obsessive about dirt, they could be wrong?



Not "could be wrong". Would be wrong.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 15, 2007)

So it would be best to listen to a professional who diagnosed me and actually listens to me and knows more of my thoughts and fears than this other person who ridicules me? 

I know I should do that. It is just hard.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 15, 2007)

Yes. I recommend that you smack that other person with a dead fish. He has no idea what he's talking about.


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## ThatLady (Feb 16, 2007)

If you can't smack him with the dead fish, Janet, give the dead fish to me and I'll smack the turkey! Now - about that fish - can we make it a baracuda? They've got such lovely, sharp teeth ...


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## Halo (Feb 16, 2007)

But wait.....I am looking for a way to release some serious built up anger and would LOVE to do the honours as it would benefit me as well.........please, pretty please....can I??:bad: :bad:


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 16, 2007)

I guess it's hard for someone who doesn't have a mental illness to understand it? I don't know.

Now my fear is of going back to the doctor and therapist, that I am being harmful to them. It's a really high, high, high fear and causing great anxiety. I am so weary of all of this. My brain.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 17, 2007)

I think I've gotten stuck in thinking that OCD is me, defines me. But maybe it doesn't. I just think it's ironic that I have the very thing I thought I could NOT handle being diagnosed with. Something to learn I'm sure. Some lesson. Some strength to gain. 

But wouldn't the ultimate goal be to learn to deal with it in a healthy way and then give testimony to others that they too can learn to deal with it? I don't know. Reaching out, giving back, caring, loving, trying to help, listening, being there for someone. Letting go. 

And if I accept it, the diagnosis, what does it really change? It doesn't change who I am. It might even help me learn about myself more and help me learn the tools I need to survive. 

But does it take away from me, to have OCD? To some people it does and that is sad. I don't know. I'm not making sense.


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## ThatLady (Feb 17, 2007)

No human being can be defined by a disease process, Janet. People with diabetes are not defined by their diabetes. They are defined by their humanity. It's the same for those suffering with depression, or OCD, or BPD, or any other illness. The illness is not the person; nor, is the person the illness.

While it may be difficult for a person who does not suffer from mental illness to truly understand what it's like, it's not difficult for anyone to be understanding. There's a difference between those two states of mind. One can seek to understand things, but the ability to give understanding and empathy to others is inate. It just depends on whether a person decides to use that inate ability, or prefers to denigrate, humiliate, and judge.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 17, 2007)

I also continue to wonder why this particular diagnosis worries you as much as it does.

Perhaps it would help you ro read more and learn more about OCD - about why the obessions and compulsions exist - and about what you can do to help you manage it.

OCD is basically an anxiety disorder. The obsessive thoughts are a style (the OCD style) of worrying - everyone worries - people with OCD worry in a more extreme way. The compulsive rituals are attempts to reduce the anxiety aroused by the thoughts, although they are not entirely successful and for many people create more anxiety. Together, OCD represents the individual's attempts to impose certainty and predictability on a world which frightens her because it is inherently unpredictable and uncertain.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 17, 2007)

David Baxter said:


> I also continue to wonder why this particular diagnosis worries you as much as it does.



I don't know.  It just seems like the worries never stop, a lot of the anxiety is focused on the diagnosis and that I can't figure out how to deal with it or the compulsions which are mainly self-injury related. 

Even reading about it seems to cause too much anxiety. I KNOW it isn't hopeless, but it IS overwhelming right now. Shouldn't the medications be helping to relieve some of the anxiety so I could deal with this? Or is that expecting too much?


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## Nigel H (Feb 17, 2007)

It appears as if you have taken to 'wearing' the label of 'having OCD' since the diagnosis and as David has rightly suggested - it is simply a behaviour pattern that exists, a coping mechanism to actually help you deal with a different problem you have held within your unconscious.

All human behaviour has a positive intention, so even an outwardly negative behaviour is achieving something positive for you at an unconscious level.  

So your OCD related behaviour becomes something different to who you are - instead being something you DO.

I mean - is that all you think you are?  
You do know you're more than that don't you .....

So, what are you that's more than that?

Nig


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 17, 2007)

Nigel H said:


> I mean - is that all you think you are?
> You do know you're more than that don't you .....
> 
> So, what are you that's more than that?
> ...



Before I was diagnosed I thought there was more to me than that (maybe it was lost, but inside somewhere), but now, maybe it's the stigma of OCD, I think everything about me revolves around it. Like it's the core of me.


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## ThatLady (Feb 17, 2007)

Personally, I think it's wrong to think of yourself as a diagnosis. You're not a diagnosis. You're a person! You're not OCD. You're Janet! You've got some problems to deal with and you're doing everything you can to deal with them correctly.

Heck, we all have problems, but that doesn't mean we ARE our problems. We're still us! We're good people struggling to be better people. I see that as a good thing. I see what you're doing as a good thing, Janet. :hug:


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## Halo (Feb 17, 2007)

Janet,

I can understand what you are saying. It is hard to think of ourselves as more than our diagnoses considering that we live it, breathe it and face it every single day.  On the other hand, you were so much more before you received your diagnosis that it doesnt change anything.  We are still who we were before that.  You were and still are a good person and a good mother.  Yes, you have issues that need to be dealt with (but then again dont most of us) but it doesnt mean that you are not still not Janet the person that you were before you received your diagnosis. OCD does not define who you are.  It is part of you who you are NOT only who you are.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 18, 2007)

It does define me. Now that I know what it is, it is all of me. I don't know what thoughts are real and what thoughts are exaggerated worrying thoughts that don't make any sense. None of my thoughts make sense now. How can anyone take anything I say seriously if I can't figure out what is real and what isn't? I can't expect that. 

I'm so confused.


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## ThatLady (Feb 18, 2007)

Janet, you have to realize first that your illness does NOT define you. You saying it does is detrimental to you. It does NOT. You're you. The disease is the disease. The two are not the same.


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 19, 2007)

I'm going to try to keep saying that to myself. Maybe if I say it a lot, I'll come to believe it. I want to be Janet whoever that is. I want what is inside my heart, the good, to come out and be me, not this other stuff that is so confusing and painful. 

I just want so much to have a good heart and be a comforting person and not a burden or a hurtful person. I want to get past believing I AM OCD and try to figure out who I really am. But what scares me is what if I am really nothing and there's nothing inside me anymore? What if it's all gone? 

I don't know. I want so much to figure things out. If I could drag my focus off this worrying and fear about the OCD, then I could put it on healing and get better quicker. I am really feeling stuck right now though. Overwhelmed.


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## Into The Light (Feb 19, 2007)

> But what scares me is what if I am really nothing and there's nothing inside me anymore? What if it's all gone?


i can relate to this feeling, janet, and as hard as it is to believe, you will not dissolve and disapear when you start to manage the OCD and it stops controlling your life so much. you are still you. i know it may feel like you don't know who you are anymore, but you're there. right now you're just overwhelmed by so much that you're kind of buried underneath all the hard stuff in your life. as the hard stuff gets lifted a little there will be more room for you to breathe, and the real janet will start to emerge again. she's there, really she is. :hug:


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 24, 2007)

ladybug said:


> the real janet will start to emerge again. she's there, really she is. :hug:




I'm not sure there is a real Janet. I've always been this way. I don't think I can find a way to live with OCD.  It's too hard. I can't figure out what is reality anymore.


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## Daniel (Feb 24, 2007)

> It's too hard. I can't figure out what is reality anymore.



Maybe you are focusing more on the problem than on the solution?  That certainly is/was the case with me and is a feature of ruminative or negative thinking. 



> *Conjure up an image of the Positive You.*
> Shut your eyes, get quiet, and conjure up a very positive image of yourself. Watch that Positive You get up in the morning, get dressed. What are her interactions with her family like? What does she do for the rest of the day? Does she go to the same job you have? Her interactions with other people? What kinds of things does she do over the course of the day? How does she feel? At the end of the day, what does she do?
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/showthread.php?t=3536


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## Cat Dancer (Mar 4, 2007)

Daniel said:


> Maybe you are focusing more on the problem than on the solution?  That certainly is/was the case with me and is a feature of ruminative or negative thinking.



I think you're right. I am so stuck on the problems or the diagnosis, even though at the moment I accept, that I can't see any positive things right now.

I was also wondering if being paranoid is part of OCD? Or is that something else? I've been feeling paranoid lately. It's being triggered by planning to go to the hospital. I think.


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