# Recognizing Depression in Your Partner



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 13, 2018)

*Recognizing Depression in Your Partner*
by Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC, _World of Psychology_
June 13, 2018

Depression  is a difficult illness in any circumstance. The repercussions for  untreated, long-term depression can be wide ranging and potentially  dangerous. And when you are dealing with a depressed spouse the problems  affect every aspect of the relationship and family, and can have  devastating consequences on everyone involved.

*How do you know if your partner is depressed?*
 One of the biggest problems with depression is that it can be  hard to recognize even for the person suffering with it. Chances are  that if someone is struggling with depression they will understand that  something is wrong, but not know how to define it. That can make it  especially tricky for a partner to recognize, too. 

 It may seem at first like your partner is simply moody and  maybe lazy. They may seem down or sad, or frustrated with life. They  don’t want to do things they used to, and perhaps you even feel like they have fallen out of love with you.  

 These behaviors can be symptomatic of many things, from a  midlife crisis to genuine marital issues. So how can you tell if it is  actually depression?

 Depression is different from passing sadness or temporary  frustration with life’s issues. There are number of common signs for  depression and they tend to be persistent. Among them are the following:


*Withdrawal.* If your partner shows an increasing  withdrawal from social situations and possibly from you, this can be a  sign of depression. Depression is isolating. When you are depressed it  can feel exhausting or overwhelming to connect with others in even a  basic way. 
*Disengagement. *As with the withdrawal from social life,  you may see your partner begin to remove themselves from hobbies or  interests they once enjoyed. It may now feel like too much work. Or,  where they once had the motivation and drive to accomplish tasks like  household chores, work projects or exercise, they now no longer do,  opting instead to watch TV or sleep. 
*Exhaustion/Fatigue.* Depression is exhausting to the  person suffering from it. Just accomplishing the bare minimum can seem  like too much work. If your partner is sleeping more or tired all the  time, this could be a sign of depression. 
*Anger/Moodiness.* When a once easy-going spouse gets  angry or sad at the drop of a hat they may be dealing with depression.  Anger is a particular sign in men.
*Changes in the bedroom.* It is not surprising that along  with the other symptoms of depression you may also see changes in the  bedroom. In a relationship where an active intimate life has been the  norm, this may be one of the most glaring indications of a problem. If  your sex life has taken a downturn, and you see some of the other  symptoms listed, you may be dealing with a partner suffering from  depression.
 These are just a few of the most common symptoms of depression.  The combination can vary, as can the severity of each. However, you are  seeing these signs in your partner it is worth considering depression  as a possible cause. 

*What should you do if you suspect your partner is depressed?*
 Clinical depression is not likely to go away on its own. It is  not a passing phase, nor is it your fault. The longer it goes on the  more problems it will cause for your partner, for you and for your  relationship. Left untreated it can lead to erratic behavior, substance  abuse, or, at its most devastating, suicide. If you believe that your  partner may be depressed you need to take action and seek a professional  diagnosis.

 As mentioned, someone suffering depression may know that there  is something wrong or different going on. They are not likely to  proclaim themselves depressed, however, or be overly receptive to being  labeled by you. Rather than dealing with things on your own, work toward  getting him/her into see a doctor. There are some physical ailments  that have similar symptoms and should be ruled out as well. 

 With the help of a physician’s opinion your partner should be  more willing to get the mental health help they need. Another option is  to get the advice of a mental health professional. With help your  partner can be on the road to relief and recovery more quickly. And so  can your relationship.


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