# Having a bad time



## Ashley-Kate (Feb 25, 2007)

i am just sick of this little pathetic life to think of it i spent all my adolescent deeling with anorexia , bulimia , depression, SI , and i just can't take people saying just wait hold on a bit longuer thigs will sort out life will get better how do they know that why do they say that when i feel that it i sso not true.. i am at a poitn that i just can't stand living . life sucks everymoment of every day i wounde what the hell i am doing on the face of this earthi am sick of living i am sick of feeling so numb!!! i look to death not with fear but with freedom , solution , finally at last .. but yet i feel i just can'T dye .. but i don't want to live anymore!!! i feel i am soo not there.. people walk talk continue living beside me and i feel like i am just not there so why hang on to something that just doens't exist anymore... really can anybody answer that for me.. 
yours trully ashley


----------



## foghlaim (Feb 25, 2007)

*Re: not worth the time!*

Ashley.. i can understand most of what you are saying.. i have spent a long time existing.. not liviing.. wondering why just like you .. why the hell i'm still here. just about a year ago. i came across this forum.. that has helped me to hang on a bit more.. gave me hope when i needed it, everyone here gives me hope all the time, even if i can't take it in at times.. it's there when i come in next time to read again, i ended up in hospital because i couldn't take it anymore, that helped to keep me here .. i have been so close to not staying here ( a lot of times) but each time i get that close.. i come here and read your posts or some ones elses and it gives me hope.. it helps me.. one reason these days for not exiting.. is i want to see if things can get better,, i have waited and waited to be heard.. and i'd like to see things in a diff light, but it's not easy to keep hanging on.. it's not that simple.. it does take a lot of persuading, battles in my mind.. i have managed with the support i found here (including yours) to hang on.. i really hope you can too. 

i'm sorry i have no answers for you.. but i'm sure the others can be more helpful.


((hugs))


----------



## Mari (Feb 25, 2007)

*Re: not worth the time!*

Dear Ashley, I wish I could answer your question. I am a new member and I am not even sure of the correct way to post or what is okay to say or not say. My heart wants to offer you hope and I know that there is hope in the future, someone needs you in that future and if you are not there when they need you then what will they do? When my heart was broken just over a year ago I thought I would die and even yesterday I thought I would explode into a million pieces. I talked with a friend and went for a walk and then the snow started to fall and covered up all the mess and a little bit of hope took hold of me and today I feel a bit better. I wish I knew more what to say. Mari


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Feb 25, 2007)

It IS worth the time and effort, Ashley.

I understand that it doesn't feel that way at the moment. You've been struggling for quite a while.

But you're still barely 18 - you have a lot of good years ahead of you once you get through this. And you have made progress in the past - you know you have. This is just another bad day, another relapse, another blip on the road to recovery for you. You're in another dark tunnel. That's all it is and all it means. Just keep going forward a bit at a time - the light is directly ahead of you.


----------



## Daniel (Feb 25, 2007)

> i spent all my adolescent deeling with anorexia , bulimia , depression, SI ...



BTW: Adolescent Brains are Works in Progress


----------



## braveheart (Feb 26, 2007)

^ *nods*

There is always hope. There are always positive things. Sometimes they are hidden behind the clouds, but they are there. 

You are here, you do exist, and your pain is real. I hear you. :hug:


----------



## Jodi (Mar 11, 2007)

ashley keep reading this forum. everyone is behind you 100% and will help you thru your rough time. You do exist even if you don't feel like it. I have found that the more you talk about it with someone little by little you will feel better


----------



## blazerblue (Mar 11, 2007)

Ashley,

thinking of you.  Hope you are doing better.


----------



## K9 (Mar 17, 2007)

Dear Ashley, All of us here care - please come back and let us know you are okay.  I have been away for a while.  I too have felt like not going on but someone was there for me and it was just one person.  You have MANY here who CARE ABOUT YOU.  I know it takes a while to get out of that black hole but the light IS there.  As the others have said PLEASE keep reading - we are real and WE CARE.  
Please take care


----------

