# Character issues



## growingup (Jun 26, 2005)

Hi, this is my first post here, and I'm glad I found this forum.

The world has been speaking to me lately in the form of feedback from friends and a failed relationship. I realize that there is something flawed in my character, and I need to correct it. The short story is that I seem to fail to honestly connect with other people, I can become very self-absorbed and insult people without ever meaning to. Some even tell me I come across as having too much 





> cockiness, egotism, self-servingness.



The slightly longer story is that that quote is from a critique of a recent performance I gave (I'm a singer and actor). I never dreamed that someone would have that reaction. But it's not the first time, so I think there's an issue with me that I haven't grown from (hence the username). I was introduced to a nice woman, who gave me her phone number, and then sent me a message asking me not to call it. I obviously said something teasing to her, which I do admit, but meant it in a playful way. At least I thought I was being playful. Sometimes I seem to want to say the wrong thing and tick people off, even though I am very careful not to slander anyone, and always defend people when others attack them. There's just this side of my character that keeps me from truly connecting to other people. 

I can say that in therapy recently I did discover that I had serious trust issues with my parents when I was younger. My mother was insensitive to my night terrors, and my father would throw terrifying temper tantrums. I simply did not feel safe as a child, and developed a strong independent streak, an "I'll take care of myself, since I can't trust you" feeling. I'm sure that that's a big part of my block, the difficulty in trusting other people to remain friends with me. I often feel that it is guaranteed that any woman I'm seriously interested in could never like me back. Even if she shows initial interest, it will quickly fade. Etcetera.

That's the long story. I'm searching for ways to build up a healthier character, to learn how to trust people, have normal friendships and a significant other relationship. And, when on stage, to not have my stage confidence be interpreted as cockiness, egotism, and self-servingness (OUCH!).


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## growingup (Jun 26, 2005)

Hi, this is my first post here, and I'm glad I found this forum.

The world has been speaking to me lately in the form of feedback from friends and a failed relationship. I realize that there is something flawed in my character, and I need to correct it. The short story is that I seem to fail to honestly connect with other people, I can become very self-absorbed and insult people without ever meaning to. Some even tell me I come across as having too much 





> cockiness, egotism, self-servingness.



The slightly longer story is that that quote is from a critique of a recent performance I gave (I'm a singer and actor). I never dreamed that someone would have that reaction. But it's not the first time, so I think there's an issue with me that I haven't grown from (hence the username). I was introduced to a nice woman, who gave me her phone number, and then sent me a message asking me not to call it. I obviously said something teasing to her, which I do admit, but meant it in a playful way. At least I thought I was being playful. Sometimes I seem to want to say the wrong thing and tick people off, even though I am very careful not to slander anyone, and always defend people when others attack them. There's just this side of my character that keeps me from truly connecting to other people. 

I can say that in therapy recently I did discover that I had serious trust issues with my parents when I was younger. My mother was insensitive to my night terrors, and my father would throw terrifying temper tantrums. I simply did not feel safe as a child, and developed a strong independent streak, an "I'll take care of myself, since I can't trust you" feeling. I'm sure that that's a big part of my block, the difficulty in trusting other people to remain friends with me. I often feel that it is guaranteed that any woman I'm seriously interested in could never like me back. Even if she shows initial interest, it will quickly fade. Etcetera.

That's the long story. I'm searching for ways to build up a healthier character, to learn how to trust people, have normal friendships and a significant other relationship. And, when on stage, to not have my stage confidence be interpreted as cockiness, egotism, and self-servingness (OUCH!).


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## HA (Jun 27, 2005)

A warm welcome to you, growingup.

I hope during your therapy that you continue to find some answers and solutions to your problems.

Have you ever had good reviews of your performances? You can't let one bad one paint the whole picture for you.


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## HA (Jun 27, 2005)

A warm welcome to you, growingup.

I hope during your therapy that you continue to find some answers and solutions to your problems.

Have you ever had good reviews of your performances? You can't let one bad one paint the whole picture for you.


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## growingup (Jun 27, 2005)

Hi, and thanks for the welcome. 
Yes, I get mostly good reviews delivered to me. This was written anonymously for a friend (I do have some) who was gathering feedback for me. My issue is not so much in the performing, but in the day to day relating to other people. I'm tense in conversation, and get feedback that I am perceived as not being a warm person. Even though that's not how I perceive myself, I take the messages that the world sends me seriously. I do think I have a major trust issue that kind of blocks me from truly connecting with other people. It is that which I seek ways to grow past. I'm in my thirties, and would like to marry someday, but every relationship I was interested in evaporated before it could get anywhere. I am concerned.

Thanks.


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## growingup (Jun 27, 2005)

Hi, and thanks for the welcome. 
Yes, I get mostly good reviews delivered to me. This was written anonymously for a friend (I do have some) who was gathering feedback for me. My issue is not so much in the performing, but in the day to day relating to other people. I'm tense in conversation, and get feedback that I am perceived as not being a warm person. Even though that's not how I perceive myself, I take the messages that the world sends me seriously. I do think I have a major trust issue that kind of blocks me from truly connecting with other people. It is that which I seek ways to grow past. I'm in my thirties, and would like to marry someday, but every relationship I was interested in evaporated before it could get anywhere. I am concerned.

Thanks.


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