# Minnesota man charged in Ottawa student Nadia Kajouji 's suicide



## David Baxter PhD (Feb 26, 2009)

Police probe whether U.S. man encouraged Ottawa student's suicide
CBC News 
Thursday, February 26, 2009 

_Nadia Kajouji's death was ruled a suicide. Police in Minnesota are now investigating if a man posing as a woman of the same age on the internet influenced her decision._ 

Nearly a year after an 18-year-old Brampton woman's suicide in Ottawa, her family is dealing with the possibility that deceptive internet messages from a man in Minnesota may have played a role in her decision to die. 

Nadia Kajouji was in her first year at Carleton University when her body was found in the Rideau River last April. Her death was ruled a suicide.

Her father, Mohammad Kajouji, said Wednesday that police in Minnesota are investigating whether a male nurse may have played a role in his daughter's death. 

Kajouji said he had no idea his youngest child and only daughter had been struggling with depression and was on medication. "That's what hurt the most," he said.

Kajouji now has 30 pages of internet conversations between his daughter and someone claiming to be a woman of the same age.

In graphic detail the person tells Nadia how to harm herself.

"She [the internet correspondent] was telling her how bad the medication is she's on, and she was advising her to make it easier for herself, how to hurt herself," said Kajouji. 

The final communication occurred the same evening Nadia was last seen, March 9, 2008. 

About four or five weeks after his daughter went missing Ottawa police showed Kajouji the emails. Not long after that his daughter's body was found.

Now police investigators in St. Paul, Minn., have contacted Kajouji and have told him the person his daughter was communicating with was a male nurse in his late 30s from the U.S.

"What would really make me happy is to expose this man in Minnesota and this country, so he doesn't do it to other families," Kajouji said.

"Because I'm sure he's done it before and he's going to do it again. But if they keep hiding his name and his face, he can go home and try it again on some [other] poor kid." 

Peter Panos, with the St. Paul Police Department in Minnesota, confirmed the force's Internet Crimes Against Children unit has been investigating for months.

"We don't want to give out too much," he told CBC News. 

"As this thing kind of wraps up, we will be putting out a lot more information on how it all came to us ? and how we came from going where we were, originally, to the connection in Canada," said Panos.


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## Mari (Feb 26, 2009)

*Re: Police probe whether U.S. man encouraged Ottawa student's suicide*

I noticed a news flash about this just before you posted. My son was also coaxed into suicide but the police will not press charges. I do not have the money or the emotional strength to push any harder than I am already doing. Losing a child is hard enough but to later find out .... I just absolutely can not bear this. :brokenheart: Mari


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 26, 2009)

*Re: Police probe whether U.S. man encouraged Ottawa student's suicide*

It's hard to conceive of what kind of twisted sick person would even consider such a thing...


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## NicNak (Feb 26, 2009)

*Re: Police probe whether U.S. man encouraged Ottawa student's suicide*

I am glad these things are now being investigated seriously.  I only hope they will figure out how to make the laws such that someone can be charged by influencing, manipulating or bulling someone into resorting to this.

I am sorry this happened to you Mari and your son.  :hug:


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## forgetmenot (Feb 27, 2009)

*Re: Police probe whether U.S. man encouraged Ottawa student's suicide*

hi Mari it must be hard for you to see and hear this the world preys on the young and vulnerable and i think they should be very high consequences for these people who are harming others over the net take care Mari im thinking of you and hope you stay well


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 26, 2010)

*Ottawa suicide reviewed by US prosecutor*

Ottawa suicide reviewed by U.S. prosecutor
CBC News 
Friday, February 26, 2010 

The death of Carleton University student Nadia Kajouji was among the cases submitted to a U.S. prosecutor this week to determine if charges of assisting suicide should be laid against a Minnesota man.

"That case has been widely known and discussed and that certainly has been one of the integral cases that has been part of the investigation that has been submitted to prosecutors," Sgt. Paul Schnell, a spokesman for the St. Paul Minnesota police department, said Friday.

Kajouji, 18, of Brampton, Ont., went missing from her Ottawa dormitory in March 2008. Her body was found in the Rideau River six weeks later. The transcripts of her online chats show that in the weeks leading up to her death, she was encouraged to hang herself in front of a webcam by someone using the screen name "Cami D."

About a year ago, Minnesota police identified William Melchert-Dinkel as the man who chatted online with Kajouji. Melchert-Dinkel, who worked as a nurse, allegedly posed as a woman and encouraged Kajouji to commit suicide.

Minnesota's criminal code prohibits assisting in suicide or suicide attempts.

Schnell confirmed that the federally funded Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, based out of the St. Paul police department, sent files containing the Kajouji case and others to the Rice County prosecutor Wednesday.

The prosecutor is expected to decide within the next few weeks whether there are grounds for charges.

Schnell said he could not provide details of the file, including the number of suicides involved, while it is under review by the prosecutor.

Investigators have been gathering evidence since mid-2008, including an electronic record of internet communications based on computer forensics, Schnell said. They also needed to do extensive legal research, he added.

"It is a bit of uncharted territory," he said, noting that most cases involving the statute so far involved someone who has provided a suicidal person with a weapon or vehicle.

The task force involved focuses on the use of the internet for exploitation of children and deals mainly with sexual abuse, Schnell said. It took on this case due to forensic and investigative similarities.

The penalty for assisting suicide under Minnesota law is up to 15 years in prison, a fine of up to $30,000 US, or both.


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## Ronbell (Mar 3, 2010)

*Re: Ottawa suicide reviewed by US prosecutor*

I lived in Ottawa when that happened, sad stuff. I'm glad to hear that even though it may not fit the criteria of the assisted suicide law, they're trying to get him for something.


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 23, 2010)

U.S. man charged in Ottawa student's suicide
CBC News
Friday, April 23, 2010 

 
_Nadia Kajouji started her first year at Carleton University as a bright, happy, ambitious young woman._ 
_(Nadia Kajouji's family)_ 

U.S. authorities have charged a former nurse from Minnesota with attempting to talk Carleton University student Nadia Kajouji into killing herself.

Kajouji, 18, who was from Brampton, Ont., threw herself into Ottawa's Rideau River in March 2008 after struggling with escalating mental health problems in the months leading up to her death.

Saint Paul police said Friday they have charged William Melchert-Dinkel, 47, with one count of aiding suicide in the case involving Kajouji, and also laid another charge in a case involving a man from the U.K. who took his own life. If convicted of both counts, Melchert-Dinkel faces up to 30 years in prison.

Police said Melchert-Dinkel and Kajouji met online in a chat room, and that the accused used the internet correspondence to encourage her to take her own life.

According to court documents filed Friday, police allege the accused went online claiming to be a young woman who was also suffering from depression.

Transcripts of Kajouji's online chats showed that in the weeks before her death, she was encouraged to hang herself in front of a webcam as part of a suicide pact by someone going by the name "Cami D."

Charges filed in the district court of Minnesota's Rice County said Cami D was one of the accused's online aliases.

Melchert-Dinkel allegedly told police in an interview he felt terrible about the advice he had given, but also admitted to encouraging dozens of people to kill themselves and had entered into 10 to 11 suicide pacts online.

Prosecutors allege Melchert-Dinkel estimated that he had assisted as many as five people in committing suicide.

Kajouji wrote that she ultimately chose to make her suicide look like a skating accident to make it easier on family and friends.

*'The best news'*
Kajouji's mother, Deborah Chevalier, said she was in shock that something was finally happening.

"It was overwhelming ? but it was the best news I've gotten in over two years," said Chevalier.

"It raises a lot of pain, but I will be following [the case] closely every step of the way," she said.

Kajouji's brother, Marc Kajouji, said the important thing is to keep similar tragedies from happening. He wants more help for people with depression.

But he also questioned why U.S. authorities took the lead in the case.

"Why is another country laying charges for the death of a Canadian citizen?" he asked.

Uday Jaswal, acting inspector for the central division of the Ottawa police, said his force helped Minnesota police in the investigation and the evidence it gathered will form part of the U.S. case.

A forensic examination of Kajouji's computer by Ottawa police showed Nadia Kajouji had a general online discussion about suicide with someone in Minnesota. But investigators were unable to link the chats with Melchert-Dinkel, Jaswal said.

Kajouji disappeared from her dormitory room on March 9, 2008. Her body was found in the Rideau River on April 20.

In one of her final blog entries before her death, a haggard Kajouji sits in a dark room, her face partially obscured by shadows, and describes how she can't even bring herself to go to class. She feared she would lose the semester, she said.

"I can barely string together a cohesive sentence or two," she says. "Like when I'm speaking, I can't put that down on paper and write a test or an essay. I can't function and that was what the doctor said we should focus on: getting me to function."


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## Justaday (Jan 23, 2011)

This case really angered me.  What a creep predator, unbeleiveable the kinds of perps out there.  Yes, sick and twisted.

I'm supportive of this case being pursued.

I also broke down at Carleton as well, I live very close to that River (I walked it and said some prayers for Nadia and her family), this really saddened me.
I hope there's been some improvement up in Health Services on campus, and that they have learnt in light of this terrible tragedy.

Having a breakdown in school, and when so much money has been invested in one's own education, being in a financial debt to it-- it's really hard to let go, when we may need to to take care of own mental health.  I think for Nadia, she may have been stressed about disappointing her family and afraid to reach out, feeling guilt that they helped finance her education.  

I probably needed hospitalization as well back then, it was too hard to let go of my studies, though I was not able to function or concentrate either, but I kept pushing myself and not getting anywhere.  I really needed to stop and take a break.  Maybe 2 weeks in the hospital would have been enough to help re-stabilized me, and I could return to studies-- looking back, I feel it would have been more appropriate for the helper to suggest this and maybe help prioritize mental health over school, but he didn't do that, nor were any safety plans developed for crisis, and I was presenting suicidality as well.

I couldn't keep up in having a social life with others, because my illnessness was presenting so much difficulty just trying to get through course work.  As a result, I also withdrew from others.  I couldn't relate to others, others couldn't relate to me-- it was alienating.  I didn't understand my illness, no psycho-literature was presented to me, re: PTSD-- and when one's role is researching to do papers, where's the time to research on PTSD (and the resources were hard to find). . .

My psychiatrist there (who I think was the same one treating Nadia, because I went there to retrieve my records, about two months after Nadia had been found and discovered my psychiatrist there had just gone on a "sabatical").

Carleton has more than enough physical space to implement other supportive programs for those facing mental health issues.  There could have been support groups.  There should have been more clarity about things like a 'treatment plan', so that one doesn't feel solely depended on the psychiatrist who is offering "counselling".b  They couldn have run a outpatient program focussed on recovery and self-care, and basic needs and have a group for that. . .?  How to manage time, support re: medications.  And/or they could have coordinated with other community services and programs, but they were more than equipped to be able to offer some stuff theirselves.  There's a MSW program, groups could have been faciliated by students with training to do so.  Support which helps with coping with the alienation of a mental breakdown at school, and come together on things like safety planning for mental health crisis.

There are also other resources that could have helpful as well, and re: security protocol-- could have contacted Mobile Crisis Unit, who are trained to assess mental health crisis, and could have assisted with obtaining consent to bring Nadia to the hospital to stabilize.

They could have followed the example of Psychiatric Survivors of Ottawa and develop a good mental health peer-support program.

My experience there, it seemed my psychiatrist fostered complete dependency on him.  He didn't teach me coping skills for symptoms-- he didn't refer to any place that could teach me this.  He didn't provide any psycho-education about PTSD-- so I was perpetually confused and overwhelmed by my symptoms.  He didn't have the ability to be present to what I was presenting, re: responding to anxiety, flashbacks, (I don't think I had as much dissociation back then as I developed later-- I don't think I showed that in front of him, but maybe I did and he just never addressed that).  

There was no questioning re: my basic self-care (which had significantly deteriorated)-- I think he had a bias, assumming that I'm educated, intellectual-- but people can split that intellect over abstract stuff, vs. having the mindfulness to take care of one's basic needs, and healthy study-life balance.

And he was like an anti-psychiatrist, reluctant to prescribe drugs.  So, maybe he knew that meds don't fix PTSD all together, but he wasn't really capable of offering me the therapies which could help ameliorate my symptoms.  So what was he doing. . .?  I was going through intense panic attacks in class and I'd have to run to the washroom to hide-- no instruction on it, no going into it.  I think he practiced an idea that the client is the expert on their own symptoms, but you know at the emergency stage of recovery, when first getting hit with a breakdown, that's a good time for more guidance from a helper, vs. being scattered and having no idea where I should be focussing my energy to help stabilize these symptoms. . . total confusion and my doctor seemed to have total role confusion.

But to be fair, my doctor didn't operate out of a vacuum.  It seems clear to me that there were cutbacks, and there was poor coping with those.  Carleton at that time did also have a "peer counselling centre" and there were actually decent counsellors there-- they were the ones who referred me to a psychiatrist, because I was freaking out about what I was experiencing, I wasn in panic and flashback, and I might have overwhelmed one of the helpers there.  I misunderstood things, that I was too sick for their services to work on me, so I trusted the psychiatrist.  What I didn't realize is that both could have been complimentary in my recovery.

But the doc seemed to want to keep me to himself.  He blocked my attempts to seek out other programs that I felt could help me.  I had gone to Serenity Renewal, alcohol in the family of origin was definitely relevant to what I had been experiencing (it was started by a guy I had dated, who hid his alcholism, and then it really showed up and I started having flashbacks, and fears [because my alcholic dad also killed himself when I was a child, and the family was sick both by alcoholic family dynamics and traumatized family dynamics-- I know this de facto.].  Sister Louise recommended the Family Program, The Camilus Centre, up in Elliot lake-- which I still beleive, aven looking back now-- that would have been a great help for me, and probably would have helped prevent a lot of other problems which followed.

I took initiate to get it all set up, but the doc blocked the final paper work re: simple release of information.  I dont' know what was really up with that.  I kept phoning the Camilus Centre, everything was a go, just waiting for my doctor's release forms.  He "Forgot" not one, not twice, but three times. . . and the window of opportunity had then closed.  Was that deliberate, or was he just way out of his mind and not focussed at all.  

Pure foolishness, IMO.  I don't think the staff at CU's Health Services had proper staff meetings to discuss client needs, nor to offer proper collegial supervision to one another.

My doctor was completely unfocussed.  He had his own political musings, and would weave things out of my story to support his political views.  He was active in other politcal organizations and (some 'secret ones'. . . word, that's what he told me).  He took me further into the abstract, further away from myself and what I was presenting physiologically-- I don't think he had a clue nor the presense of mind to be in-tuned with my body lanaguage, the anxiety presenting, the flashbacks, etc.  

When I asked him about "boundaries", he said "there are no boundaries". . . like way out of context.   He didn't know because he was completely unclear himself about his own boundaries, to be able to assist me in helping me learn about those to keep myself safe.  I was volunteering in crisis work-- and the place was going through several cycles of oranizational burnout, dramatic breakdowns of supervisors-- NOT a healthy environment.  I though I was being responsible, knowing I have this PTSD, that it's all good as long as I'm recieving proper supervision. . .

So who is watching the helpers and if they've lost the ability to self-monitor themselves. . .?  How would I have know this was abuse at the time-- I didn't have a standard to compare it with?  I know I followed my training re: my work as an outreach worker, and I had the attitude of "carte blanche", establish good rapport, listen to them, be present to their level of experiencing. . . it's funny, I was working that out there, which might have also been unconscious, because it wasn't happening in my other realm where I was needing help, support. . .  I still did okay, because I beleived in professionalism and took it seriously.  That I would be grounded in the training I recieved.  I was good at it actually.  I knew at least myself, rerofessional boundaries, even if it was said they didn't apply to volunteers, I believed that it did and I'm right, IMO.

What I was blind about was recognizing boundary violations in the organization.  I was vigilant in protecting our clients, and speaking up for them.  I took reports of our team's abuses, seriously.  

It really is a very chaotic world.  Totally absurd.  I'm stronger now.  I took time to self-educate, and come to these unsettling realizations (because I had to, they had traumatic effects on me!  Long-term abuse, violations of boundaries-- I self-educated).  The Pat Carnes book on The Betrayal Bonds, traumatized people can find themselves in abusive relationships-- and I knew that, and I seriously tried to avoid alcoholics, but unfortunately I feel in love with someone who kept it hidden then all of the sudden it all came out, and it was totally stressing me out and making me feel mental.  The sane thing would have been to just walk away, but I didn't realize that choice, trauma-bond, fear of others dying or becoming really sick.  I also didn't realize how important it is to protect myself from abusive work places, exploitive work places-- I didn't think about that, that I could be set up that way as well, to stay in work settings that are not healthy either.  How was I to see the "forest for the trees", when all I knew anyway was external chaos. . .

Anyway this is a rant.  Systems and helpers aren't perfect.  Helpers do have an ethical responsibility to stay healthy though.  And colleagues as well have a responsibility to keep watch on other colleagues as well for signs of burnout (which boundary violations are a clear indication of, in addiction to inadequate training, and treating others which are outside one's own professional expertise-- it's ethical to refer to others with more specialization. . . should have certification of some sort, ideally re: treatment of PTSD, because it presents a specific set of symptoms challenges not covered generally by other therapies, e.g. flashback management techniques, grounding, but life balance stuff-- they shoudl have been screening and assessing. . .).

I think it might have been the case of "old dog" professionals, who also forgot they have an ethical duty to update their skills and not practice in areas which they don't have training, experience, nor expertise to treat.  Making the profession work, means all individuals there are practicing responsibility and duty to professional ethics-- it's not just a paper, it's an agreement.  Some of these 'helpers' also have addiction problems of their own, e.g. pot smoking. . .maybe some psychosis from that. . .  What happened to "in-house" training.  Was there no budget for that left after the budget cuts. . .

Anyway, I guess it was some sort of 'talk therapy', but not appropriately applied, when the basics of safety and stabilization were ignored, and I guess this can happen commonly, but Judith Herman does address this in her book.  I also have Babette Rothschild's book, 8 Keys to Recovery and there are good clues in there as well, re: flashback management-- these books were hard to know about before, having the Algonquin training helped me a bit

It's an imperfect world.  Hopefully all seek to learn from mistakes, be humble enough to be open to learning.

A quick story, but affirming the special case, of stressors at university:

I knew another guy in first year, who was in a stressed external situation as well, and he was in a very dangerous living situation (that had all the potentiality to escalate into something like the Dustin LaFortune case), roommate was controlling, possessive, progressed to violence, and stalking (roommate had a very identical wrapsheet and background as Dustin Paxton, similar histories).  I urged him to get out of that living situation, that roommate is dangerous.  He didn't want to bother his parents about it, but I insisted that he do.  I found safe temporary housing for him; he made arrangements with the school to write his exams in private and secret locations (because this roommate also stalked him, knowing the exam schedule).  He wound up dropping out after Christmas exams, and you know what-- good decision, cut his loses, because the situation could have become much worse.  We had been working on a group assignment together, so I witnessed the behaviours of this pscyhopath/PD, whatever it was.  The hostilities, teh demanding, the destroying our project work-- he was jealous of me, needed to know if I had relationship interests with this guy. . . bizarre sick attachment.

I don't really have a direct and active voice in the system.  Mental Health though is really important, without it, it's really hard to function.  It has to be a priority, because so many things depend on it.  Universities should be taking it very seriously, as students of those ages are a high risk group for first-episode issues.  Many unique contingencies, re: the stressors and strains of university students, some of them away from home and community for the first time.  The stress of the investment, not even having a career established (and ideally with good health insurance plans).  

It's also angering though because as students, we did pay into Health Services, it's part of our student fees--so where were those going to?  If, e.g. psychiatrists are covered by provincial health care, as well as GPs. . . ?  When I think about the scale of that, certainly there is a lot of funding, with I don't know how many students together have paid for them. . .40,000 students (?), paying $60. a pop towards Health Services-- was that just all for admin?  It didn't look like there was a lot of admin, that wouldn't also be covered somehow by OHIP or from the clinic's doctor's salaries-- I don't know how that works. . .?

But with that type of funding, it seems there's plenty of opportunities to partner up even with other community resources, to bolst mental health recovery support.  Could have been shared funding arrangments. . .?  Did this have anything to do with my attempts to seek outside help, being denied-- was this a big scam going on?  I don't know?

To be fair, I have not looked at CU's budget nor the budget of Health Services.  But from what I've seen of this world and how things work, I've seen fraudulent money grabbing which seems to be a common and accepted practice (e.g. Ottawa being an government town-- I've met former department accountants before); I saw a big scam at the organization I volunteered for-- and that made me really angry-- they fudge our "outreach budget" and used that as a emotional, fundraising ploy, what we need funds. . .scams.

It's really offensive to me.  I was raised with some "Catholic values" (though I'm highly critical of the church, and their history of abuses in the world, and stupid hate from fundamentalists, etc.).

It's one of those things that have scared me about the work world. . . I would really want to find an honest space.  That organization I was with defrauded the "Crime Prevention Council"-- damn that's ironic and infuriating.  Bad betrayal, when others go in there with their heart and souls and wanting to help out and make a difference in people's lives.  My supervisor knew it was stinky, and decided to wash his hands of it, and handed me a work position, to honour my "many years of volunteer service" (10 years), and I would have loved to have applied my skills there, even my sociology etc. to evaluate the project-- but they stole $20K from the grant for that program.  And it gave me stress-- I dono't want to put my name to that report-- Infuriating. . . and that opened up an entire other can of worms, stressed out the project manager who supervised that project and was directly involved with the clients in an active and supervising role, and she became abusive, violated the "groundrules" and "comfort agreement"-- the staff violated-- not the clients!!!  It was rotten.  I was outnumbered re: decision-making (cause the project manager was sleeping with the other staff guy). . . it was beyond sick and toxic, and it pissed me off that it lead to abuse of youth and the staff not taking responsibility for their end of it.

It's a messed up world.  I can only hope that I've gotten smarter, and can smell the BS earlier and take myself out of toxic places, filled with useless drama, and unethical practices.

Obviously, I'm not healthy to pursue a career in social work or whatever.  I thought if I improved my education then I could have better choices, find less abusive, exploitive, scamming enviornments to work in.  But I'll never have enough education to protect me.  And more importantly, it won't work with my PTSD-- I need a boring job, that's hopefully in an honest enough environment, lower-stress, unionized maybe, so there's less abuse. . .?

Yes, this is a long rant, but I'm re-affirming to myself that I can Trust Myself, my intuition was good and working, I just kept blaming it on me being sick, with PTSD, when in reality, these were toxic situations, and I wasn't the only one affected either.    If my doc had been clear on boundaries and actually listening to me, but he seemed to take flight from the present moment as well (burnt out, that's my belief).

Anger can be a useful emotion, because it's a signal boundaries have been violated, this I did learn from the Algonquin program.  There are things I can't fix in this world, I don't have much power over organizations, sick places.  I need to have boundaries, 3 strikes they're out, instead of sticking in a bad situation hoping it will change, while causing my own mental health to suffer.

Eventually, we learn and that learning doesn't have to depend on it being supported by outside resources.  I have empowered myself, through some self-directed study, and I've learnt that I can trust myself.  Very few people out there are skilled with the presense of mind to be fully present to others, to be strong in honest feedback and detached perspective-giving.  The Mental Health Crisis Line, IME, has been fairly consistent with staff/volunteers who are skilled in that listening and being present, but it's not a normative thing out there in this world.  I also like that I can call the MHCL, and feel guilt-free, because I know they are supervised properly and do get debriefing for I think every four hours of supporting they give to others-- that makes the odds of it being safer (mentally, emotionally) vs. a lot of other outside support.

I don't need lots, 5 minutes can help me get out of flashback, and they can help remind me of healthy coping that I'm forgetting in those moments of crisis.  Somtimes though I do need to write things out, and I know I write a lot, but I really am alone with this stuff, truly.

There's some really messed up problems out in the world, and it was surprising to me where I found these things.  I was a high school drop-out (because two close family deaths that year, and it was both traumatic and re-triggering of the early loss/father's suicide-- I couldn't focus).  I worked retail.  I decided to try university, and try to make a better life for myself.  I was okay for the first couple of years, I was doing so well, making great grades (I came in as a 'mature student'), I even worked out good routines, I used the peer centre to help me re: essay organization, and structure and routines-- I was happening.  Then the rotten PTSD, caught up with me anyway.  That's so frustrating.  I feel that I tried to work my own part of things, to work towards being a contributing member to society-- it wasn't lack of effort on my part.

I feel a bit of tears. . . that's good, that's healthy.  Tears help let things go, release anxiety, and grief.  I'm in a transition period in my life, moving forward again can trigger some old grief.  I have to come in to acceptance over this other part of my life that I had no control over, and I tried my very best.  I hope I can stay strong, retain some strength, protect myself from being re-traumatized, to not fall in to child parts with stress out there.  To not be a victim, to have my Protector, stay strong in me, no BS.

I've made other attempts to move forward, but this grief was so heavy and disorientating, emotional, not processed-- it was trauma as well.  I need to believe in my self and I need to believe I can be strong to have healthy boundaries and protect myself out there from abuse.  I need to rehearse that as well, and not under-estimate the true importance of healthy boundaries.  I need to continue to conjure up this stronger aspect of myself, bring it in, integrate it, let it be fully an accessible part of my self.

Better to write out anger, than act out stupidly on it, lol.  It might be good to use this energy and go for a good brisk walk.  And shake it off.  I think I'll borrow my neighbours doggy-- he's fun to hang out with, and he's a great protector-- awsome buddy-- and he loves me lots and lets me also be joyful, play.  Doggy-medicine, good Tx   Healthy physical release-- cold brisk air, fresh air, good strong walk.

Edit: spelling


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 15, 2011)

*US man convicted of encouraging suicides*

*US man convicted of encouraging suicides*
CBC News
March 15, 2011

The former Minnesota nurse who targeted depressed people online, including Carleton University student Nadia Kajouji, has been found guilty of aiding two suicides.

 
_William Melchert-Dinkel, seen in February, leaves the Rice County Courthouse in Faribault, Minn., with his wife and lawyer. He was found guilty Tuesday of aiding two suicides.__Robb Long/Associated Press_ 

William Melchert-Dinkel, 48, of Faribault, Minn., was charged in April with two counts of aiding suicide in the 2005 hanging death of Mark Drybrough, 32, of Coventry, England, and the March 2008 drowning of Kajouji, 18, of Brampton, Ont.

Melchert-Dinkel had declined a jury trial and left his fate to a judge in Minnesota. That judge issued his decision Tuesday.

Kajouji's older brother said he's glad to close this chapter, even though it won't bring his sister back. "It shows that this crime isn't going unpunished and that's the bottom line," Marc Kajouji, 32, said from Brampton. "It could be a deterrent for the future."

Prosecutors say Melchert-Dinkel cruised chat rooms for depressed people, posed as a female nurse, feigned compassion, and entered fake suicide pacts or gave instructions on how they could kill themselves. They said Melchert-Dinkel acknowledged participating in online chats about suicide with up to 20 people and entering into fake suicide pacts with about 10 people, five of whom he believed killed themselves.

He entered into a suicide pact with Kajouji and tried to get her to hang herself while he watched via webcam. She instead jumped into the freezing Rideau River.

*'I just want out'*
According to court documents, an online posting she made days before her death reveals her severe depression. "I have not attempted suicide in the past because I am terrified of failing ? the attention it would garner," she wrote, adding that rehabilitation process would be more than she could bear. "I just want out," she added.

After his sister's death Marc Kajouji got involved with the suicide prevention organization Your Life Counts. He hopes his sister's story can make people more aware of the issue and maybe save a life.

"Talk to your friends, talk to your family, as hard as it is," Kajouji tells people who find themselves experiencing the same feelings as his sister. "It's important to reach out for help and not just try to battle this on your own because it is very tough."

Rice County attorney Paul Beaumaster said Melchert-Dinkel told police he did it for the "thrill of the chase."

Defence attorney Terry Watkins had argued the victims were predisposed to committing suicide and his client didn't sway them by making statements online. During oral arguments in February, Watkins called his client's behaviour "sick" and "abhorrent" but said it wasn't a crime because Melchert-Dinkel didn't directly incite the victims to kill themselves.

 
_Nadia Kajouji of Brampton, Ont., who jumped into a river in 2008 at age 18 after talking online with William Melchert-Dinkel.__Associated Press_ 
He said Drybrough had been ill for years and went online seeking drugs to overdose, while Kajouji was going through a rough time in her life, had a miscarriage after drinking heavily and was depressed.

Watkins said they were both intelligent people who wouldn't be swayed by his client's online "babbling." 

Judge Thomas Neuville said the defence's argument was irrelevant.

"The predisposition of a suicide victim actually makes the victim more vulnerable to encouragement or advice, and their death more imminent and foreseeable," he wrote in his judgment.

Melchert-Dinkel "never tried to discourage either victim from committing death by suicide, or question the morality or judgment of the act," Neuville wrote. "Rather, the facts indicate repeated and relentless encouragement by [Melchert-Dinkel] to complete the suicide."

*Sentencing scheduled for May *
In February, Melchert-Dinkel agreed to accept the facts against him, but maintained his not guilty plea. He waived his right to a jury trial and agreed that the judge would issue a verdict based on the evidence. The arrangement allowed Melchert-Dinkel to keep his right to appeal, and Watkins said Tuesday they will do so.

Neuville scheduled his sentencing for May 4. Minnesota's aiding suicide law carries a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison and a $29,500 Cdn fine.

The law has been rarely used in the state. Data from the Minnesota Sentencing Guidelines Commission showed that since 1994, there have been only six people sentenced on that charge: one person was sent to prison for four years, while the rest received either local jail time, probation or both.

Minnesota authorities began investigating in March 2008 when an anti-suicide activist in Britain alerted them that someone in the state was using the internet to manipulate people into killing themselves.

Melchert-Dinkel has been allowed to remain free under certain conditions. Among them, he is not allowed to use the internet without approval.


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## forgetmenot (Mar 15, 2011)

*Re: US man convicted of encouraging suicides*

he should not be allowed to use internet period  sickest of all people he is


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## David Baxter PhD (May 4, 2011)

*Man aided Brampton teen's suicide, may get no jail time*

*Man aided Brampton teen's suicide, may get no jail time*
CBC 
May 4, 2011

A former Minnesota nurse convicted of aiding suicides ? including that of a Brampton woman ? by trolling internet chat rooms and encouraging depressed people to kill themselves could see little or no time behind bars when he is sentenced Wednesday in Minneapolis.

William Melchert-Dinkel, 48, was convicted in March of two counts of aiding suicide in the deaths of an English man and a Canadian woman. Under state law, he faces a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison and a $30,000 fine for each count, but worksheets prepared by probation officers as part of the pre-sentencing report point to much less ? and presume that a prison sentence would be stayed.

Rice County District Court Judge Thomas Neuville, who convicted Melchert-Dinkel in March, will be the one who decides the sentence after hearing the recommendations of prosecutors and defence attorneys and any comments from the victims' families. The hearing is scheduled to begin at 10:30 a.m. CT.

Prosecutors say Melchert-Dinkel was obsessed with suicide and hanging and sought out potential victims online. They say he posed as a suicidal female nurse to win his victims' trust, then entered false suicide pacts and offered detailed instructions on how people could take their own lives.

Court documents say Melchert-Dinkel, a former nurse from the southern Minnesota town of Fairbault, told police he did it for the "thrill of the chase." He acknowledged participating in online chats about suicide with as many as 20 people and entering into fake suicide pacts with about 10 people, five of whom he believed killed themselves.

*Declined jury trial*
Melchert-Dinkel declined a jury trial, leaving Neuville to decide whether he was guilty. He was convicted in the death of Nadia Kajouji, 18, of Brampton, Ont., who jumped into the frozen Rideau River in March 2008, and Mark Drybrough, 32, of Coventry, England, who hanged himself in 2005.

Kajouji had struggled with an unplanned pregnancy, a miscarriage, a crushing breakup, and escalating mental health problems in the months leading up to her death, her video diary showed.

"Yes, I am depressed," Kajouji tells the video camera in one video blog entry relating a conversation with her doctor. "'I have postpartum mood disorder, clinical depression and insomnia.' 'So have you thought about suicide?' 'Yes, I've thought about suicide.'"

The diary entries, obtained by CBC's _Fifth Estate,_ show Kajouji's deterioration from a bright, happy, ambitious 18-year-old first-year Carleton University student to a desperate young woman who was encouraged by a predator in an online chat room to take her own life.

Defence attorney Terry Watkins doesn't dispute prosecutors' account but insists Melchert-Dinkel's activities were protected speech and did not rise to the level of a crime. Watkins plans to appeal the convictions.

Neuville strongly rejected defence arguments, writing in his March ruling that Melchert-Dinkel's "speech imminently incited the victims to commit suicide, and can be described as 'lethal advocacy,' which is analogous to the category of unprotected speech known as 'fighting words' and 'imminent incitement of lawlessness."'

Deborah Chevalier, Kajouji's mother, plans to appear at Wednesday's hearing. Family members for Drybrough have declined.

"I'm expecting the worst and hoping for the best," Chevalier said Tuesday.

*Six people sentenced since 1991*
Minnesota's sentencing guidelines are designed to ensure uniform sentences for those convicted of similar crimes. Most crimes are given a ranking based on their severity. Then, taking a defendant's criminal history into account, an appropriate sentence is applied. But aiding suicide is so unusual ? only six people have been sentenced for the crime since 1991 ? that it is "unranked."

"The key player in this whole thing is the judge," said defence attorney Terry Watkins.
Bradford Colbert, law professor at William Mitchell College of Law, said the judge will consider the gravity of the conduct, as well as cases of similar offenders. He said the judge has "a lot of discretion."

Rice County Attorney Paul Beaumaster said two worksheets were prepared as part of the presentencing report: One ranks the offense as a six, with a prison sentence of 27 months, while the other ranks it as a seven, with a prison sentence of 42 months. Both rankings assume the sentence would be stayed, meaning Melchert-Dinkel wouldn't go to prison unless he violated terms of probation. Probation could be up to 15 years and include up to a year of jail time.

Beaumaster said he saw the six ranking as a case involving someone who entered a suicide pact but decided not to kill himself at the last minute. In this case, Beaumaster said, Melchert-Dinkel never intended to take his own life.

"I do think there is an extra element here of fraud in the inducement, encouragement. For me that was an aggravating factor," Beaumaster said.


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## David Baxter PhD (May 5, 2011)

*Odd aiding suicide sentence draws mixed reaction*

*Odd aiding suicide sentence draws mixed reaction*
CBC News
May 5, 2011

The unusual sentence handed down to a Minnesota man for persuading a Canadian woman and a British man to kill themselves through a series of online chats has done little to appease members of one victim's family.

William Melchert-Dinkel, 48, was ordered on Wednesday to serve 360 days total behind bars, but only 320 of those days will be served consecutively. For the rest of his sentence, he will return to prison for two-day spells every year for a decade on the anniversaries of both of his victims' deaths.

Melchert-Dinkel was convicted in March of aiding suicide in the 2005 hanging death of Mark Drybrough, 32, of Coventry, England, and the March 2008 drowning of Nadia Kajouji, 18, of Brampton, Ont.

Marc Kajouji, Nadia's brother, said the punishment was too light for the crime. "A guilty verdict isn't justice; punishment is justice," said Kajouji. "A year in a jail with work release doesn't really seem like justice."

Kajouji said Judge Thomas Neuville's attempt to extend the sentence was little comfort. "That's almost offensive, I don't want him going to jail on March 10th and 11th, the days she went missing, and in July when the Drybrough family found their son hanging by the very means that he said," he said.

*Melchert-Dinkel obsessed with suicide, court heard*
The court heard that Melchert-Dinkel was obsessed with suicide and trolled internet chat rooms looking for depressed people. Posing as a female nurse, he would feign compassion and then offer step-by-step instructions on how they could kill themselves and, in some cases, pretended to enter into suicide pacts.

Paul Beaumaster, the lawyer in Minnesota's Rice County where the case was heard, called the sentence "well-reasoned" and "appropriate, given the egregious conduct, given the facts of Mr. Melchert-Dinkel?s conduct."

"He was hoping he would let sink into his heart over those two days what he'd heard in the courtroom, and that that would give him some contemplation over the longer probationary period," said Beaumaster.

*Sentence 'intriguing': Canadian legal expert *
David Paccioco, a University of Ottawa law professor, said the structure of the sentence is unusual even in the United States, and unheard of in Canada.

"The way it works in Canada is that a judge has to pronounce the sentence that's being served, and will not have the authority in a typical case to be able to decide exactly how it's going to be served," said Paccioco.

And while Melchert-Dinkel is under probation for 15 years as part of the sentence, Paccioco said that unless a person is a long-term offender, the longest probation in Canada is three years, and only for jail terms of two years or less.

Paccioco said the sentence was intriguing in that it allows for some opportunity to maintain control over the offender beyond the limits of probation.

But he concedes that for the victims' families, the overall sentence appears light.

"This man set out for his own enjoyment to bring about the death of another individual," said Paccioco. "So 320 days and a couple of birthday visits doesn't add up."

Melchert-Dinkel was ordered to start serving his jail sentence June 1, but his lawyer promised to appeal the convictions, even though a statement expressed remorse for the crimes. If the appeal is filed before June 1, Melchert-Dinkel will remain free as his appeal is pending.


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