# Obsession Over Suicide?



## Pilonea (Dec 9, 2005)

Is it common for there to be obsessive tendencies about suicide?   I mean a recurrent, unmitigated urge or thought to do harm to oneself?  That seems to be the case with me.  Every day suicide pops into my mind and every day it appears a little more appealing and seems as if it is less scary then the day before.


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## Eunoia (Dec 10, 2005)

well I would say it's common for people w/ depression..... or maybe for someone who has been through some kind of recent trauma etc. If it seems a little bit more "appealing" every day, I'd suggest taking whatever steps you need to take to find someone to talk to.... do you have a therapist? can you talk to your doctor? Pilonea, as appealing as suicide can seem, it seems appealing b/c every other option seems impossible or not realistic, like things won't every change, right? but as difficult as it is in some situations, there _are_ other options....


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## Daniel (Dec 10, 2005)

Another problem is the tendency to romanticize suicide and to also romanticize depression.   These romantic/idealized notions can make it more difficult to seek out professional help.


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## foghlaim (Mar 11, 2006)

> Another problem is the tendency to romanticize suicide and to also romanticize depression.



can someone explain what the above quote means. 

thanks.


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## Lost (Mar 11, 2006)

Daniet could mean what I felt at times,... like I LIKED being miserable and depressed and wasting time and wasting my life... in a perverse way.? 

It was like, it was cool to be depressed, to be thinking about suicide.? I felt like I was one of the only ones in the world who are really living - I was one of the only ones who are truly aware of their own fragile mortality.? I felt that other people are living in denial, living in illusion etc... They aren't living with the awareness that in 100 years time or less we'll all be gone!

Only me, only me in my special depression, realised how we open the curtains in the beginning of the day - just to close them again at the end... we live, only to die... It's all pointless, meaningless, and everyone else gets upset over silly, transient things, and gets happy over silly, transient things... only special me, special me with my special knowledge and wisdom - sees how pointless it all is...

 and so I stayed detached from everything... kind of revelling in it...? enjoying it.

Altho of course now I realise how perverse that was, and how it's really the opposite of everything I thought.

Anyway, this could be completely off-topic, but when I read the words 'romanticising depression and suicide' it's what I thought of - and this is how I really used to think and feel.


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## Lost (Mar 11, 2006)

If it's any help, the other day I was on the balcony of the 28th floor of a building, and as I was looking out over, I couldn't shake the feeling of, "What if I fall over?" and land splat on the pavement... "Should I just lean over a little more?" ... and a whole load of other thoughts that freaked me out, and got me out of that balcony fast!

Is that normal...?


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## Peanut (Mar 11, 2006)

Maybe he meant suicide is romantized in the sense that it's really dramatic...like Romeo and Juliet


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## Lost (Mar 11, 2006)

Yeah... maybe.
Hello toeless! Nice to chat with you again!


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## Peanut (Mar 11, 2006)

Hey Lost, what's going on?? Glad to see you back and also glad to? hear you came down from the 28th floor balcony w/o leaning over _any further_


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## Lost (Mar 11, 2006)

yeah... nice to hear from you - delete that - nice to READ you too Toeless! And I really do like your name!

I'm still wondering whether it was normal for me to have had those thoughts, or whether it's another symptom of some other psychosis I can add to my long list...


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## just mary (Mar 11, 2006)

I don't know Lost, that's a hard one. I think about disappearing all the time. I think about killing myself but then I think everyone I know (not a lot but a few) would be hurt or maybe just angry with me. I don't know, I also feel guilty for having these thoughts, that I should be more grateful for the life I have but eventually it passes. If it gets really bad, I will phone a crisis line. I've done it before and it helped just to talk to someone. 

Take care,


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## Lost (Mar 11, 2006)

mary, after reading this I feel that you should continue seeing a therapist. I hope you don't mind me saying this outright. It's only coz I'm seeing one and I admit to being a total mess so I feel like it's ok for me to say this to you...? 

ok?
Basically I just finished typing to you on the other topic and ended off wondering if you do in fact need to see a therapist... (and worrying that here I am lecturing the world to go to therapists just coz they're great for me - but maybe they're not gr8 for everyone else!!) 
But after reading what you wrote in this post I think that I'm right in advising you to see one. 

If you think about disappearing and killing yourself all the time - come on! That's not good! And even worse, the only reason you give for not killing yourself is because OTHER people would be hurt, and OTHER people would be angry with you...? 
But what about YOU hon? 
Not only would YOU be hurt, but you'd loose your only chance of making something of your life...! The world needs a wonderful Mary, like you, and if the present seems so bad, there has to be a better future for you! 

I'm glad you talked to a crisis line - I never had the guts to do that - but maybe you could think about getting more regular support...?


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## just mary (Mar 12, 2006)

Thanks Lost, I didn't mean to turn this post into something about me.? I always end up talking about myself somehow.? ?:red:? But I will take your comments seriously, my rambling did seem pretty pathetic.? I guess I'm just feeling pretty low these days but that certainly doesn't make me special.? Anyway, there I go again.



> I'm glad you talked to a crisis line - I never had the guts to do that - but maybe you could think about getting more regular support...?



I was always too afraid to call and then I talked to a co-worker who actually volunteered on the lines.? She told me about some of the calls she got, she said that many of them were from people who just needed to talk.? So, when I was feeling very down and helpless, I called and they were very supportive and they helped. I wouldn't want to abuse the service and I've only called twice in the last year but I wouldn't hesitate about calling again if I was ever in that place again.? 

And I think you have a lot of guts Lost!

Take care,


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## Cat Dancer (Mar 12, 2006)

Mary, I'm glad that the crisis lines are helpful to you and that you posted that. There are so many times lately that I've been wanting to call and am too afraid or worried to call. Sometimes everything gets so overwhelming. Maybe that would be a good option. 

Also, you're not pathetic at all.


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## Lost (Mar 13, 2006)

Yeah, agree with Janet, Mary you are NOT pathetic, and you are not rambling. 
I think I'm the only one who rambles around here! And you don't talk about you half as much as I talk about me! So there!
And in any case there's no need to apologise for talking about you. That's what this whole website is for.

Re me and my guts... funnily enough I have guts to do certain things which people often say, "wow.. how did you do that?" etc. But you should know, for the real things in life, I am the most timid, shy and GUTLESS person you ever met... you wouldn't believe it.


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## foghlaim (Mar 13, 2006)

*what does it mean*



> Another problem is the tendency to romanticize suicide and to also romanticize depression.



i need to know what this means.


Dr. Baxter maybe???


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 13, 2006)

> > Another problem is the tendency to romanticize suicide and to also romanticize depression.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Notsure, that comment was from a post by Daniel. I don't know what he meant by it. When he returns, he may wish to clarify the comment or you could send him a private message and ask him.


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## Lost (Mar 13, 2006)

It could mean what I wrote... or what Toeless wrote.

With depression and suicide becoming more common over the years, instead of realising that feeling depressed and suicidal is an awful experience, people may rather think that it's 'cool'. They romanticize it by not truly understanding the horror of it, but more, like, by liking the name, and liking the 'description' of being depressed or suicidal.


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## Daniel (Mar 13, 2006)

By "romanticizing depression," I am referring to the same term used by Peter Kramer in his book Against Depression.  
Examples of romanticizing depression are in the prologue of the book:



> We may find ourselves claiming that an episode of depression is _justified_, in a way that we would not call a bout of asthma justified, even when the cause is clear. We associate depression with a heroic artistic stance, one we think humankind might be worse off without. We admire traits that can accompany depression, such as alienation, without asking in each case whether they constitute aspects of an illness.
> 
> -- Peter Kramer, _Against Depression_



From a review at Amazon.com: "Kramer is fed up with the toleration of depression, particularly among adults, intellectuals, professionals, artists, and particularly some of his own colleagues."

A short interview with Peter Kramer:
Myths of the Blues: Why it's a bad idea to romanticize depression (USNews.com)

BTW, the examples of romanticizing depression that Lost gave are similar to those given by Kramer when he describes the existential philosophy of Albert Camus as active depression.


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## Lost (Mar 13, 2006)

...well then, maybe I used to be actively depressed. thank god I'm out of it. without medication too!

altho, I'm probably still suffering from some other forms of depression. I'm just aware that I don't think in the same delusional way that I used to think.

Hearing the term 'romanticizing depression' really brought back some memories... Now I can see how far I've come. Altho of course there's still a mighty long road ahead... depressingly long...


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## foghlaim (Mar 14, 2006)

thank you both.. ye have been very helpful.
now i know i'm not romanticing..


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