# I just dont know what to do



## Steven_v

yesterday my girlfriend turns around and says to me that she really used to be "in" love with me but just lately she does feel that she is, but she wants to stay together becuase she says she loves me and could possibley fall "in" love with me again. i asked her what it was that made her fall out of love with me and she said that she wishes she knew then she could fix it. 
when i said to her if your just gona continue this relationship becuase you dont wanna hert me than maybe it would be better to end it. to wich she said something along the lines of your not even fighting for me.
so i explained to her how much i love her how head over heals iam and how i thought she still felt the same, and that i really didnt want to let her go but all the fighting in the world wont do anything if she does want it to. so she said that she does wanna give it a go.
i couldnt saty over after that so we spent a few more hours together after that then i went home.

so i text her this after noon basically saying how much this herts and id do anything to get back to how we were. to wich she text back i know but i need to give her space and stop going on about things.
so i text her back is there any chance she could fall back "in" love weith me again, and she said i dont want to get your hopes up.
so i saidso iam not tgetting my hopes up iam just trying to understand where we stand, you know can we still see each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
she replied i want to but i dont know what i want at the mo, you just have to stop asking me its doing my head in, i know you want know whats going on but i need to think yourr not helping your just making it worse by going on about it.

so what on earth do i do? how do i win her back?


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## David Baxter PhD

I don't think you can "win her back" unless she wants to be "won". In fact, those really aren't words that apply to a relationship at all, in my opinion - either she wants to be with you or she doesn't - a partner is not a trophy that one wins or loses.

People do go through ups and downs in any relationships. Sometimes that reflects things happening in the relationship. Sometimes that reflects things going on within one of the individuals. It's neither unusual nor unhealthy to reevaluate where you are and where you're heading at various points in your life.

It sounds as though your girlfriend is uncertain about how or what she feels right now. All you can do is give her the time and space she is requesting to figure it out.


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## Steven_v

Ive asked her if she just wants to go for a casual drink tomorow afternoon, and maybe go to the cinema after no pressure just to see each other. she said yes so iam gonna make sure i do nothing but treat it like a normal date no winning or whatever from me lol


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## David Baxter PhD

Good!


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## Steven_v

just wish i knew what happened or what ive done to make her fall out of love with me


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## David Baxter PhD

That was part of what I was trying to say, Steven. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you. It may be entirely something she's going through herself.


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## Steven_v

so just give her time basically, and dont push her into answering anything and dont give up untill she says theres absolutly no point trying


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## David Baxter PhD

That would be my advice.


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## ThatLady

I agree totally with David. Sounds like the best thing to do is just lay back and enjoy her company when you're together. Don't push for committment, or answers, or reasons. Just have fun together and let things develop as they develop. If it's meant to be and you don't try to rush it, it will happen, hon.


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## Steven_v

its just hard iam still in love with her and thought she felt the same i didnt know there was anything wrong. just wish i knew what was wrong


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## ThatLady

There's not necessarily anything wrong, hon. People sometimes have things going on in their lives that make them stop and think things over. Their friends, acquaintances, and even lovers, have to give them a little room and some time to reassess how their lives are going and what changes they might wish to make to ensure that they're on the right track with everything. It doesn't have to mean that you're doing anything wrong, and it doesn't have to mean that she won't care for you in future. She's probably just taking stock of her goals and dreams. We all do it from time to time.


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## Steven_v

well its the next day ive had practicly no sleep,a nd iam an emotional reck. got a reall y bad feeling about this


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## Peanut

*Re: I just don't know what to do*

Hey Steven,

I just wanted to say that first, I am sorry about what is happening. Second, I just went through almost exactly the same scenario, only I was actually married when it happened. I said pretty much the same things that your girlfriend said to you, and my husband subsequently went to see a psychiatrist and got almost exactly the same advice from him as Dr. Baxter gave to you. 

I think that the going on dates is a good idea...that's what we did for 7 months. My husband was close to losing his mind but carried through with the advice anyway. But it was really uncomfortable for him, just like it is for you. The dating was nice because it alleviated the pressures that were present in the relationship and brought back old feelings from the courtship. There were times that things looked very bleak, like a reconciliation was not going to happen, but it did end up working out. However, I should mention, that as time drug on, his psychiatrist told him that eventually he would reach a limit where being in limbo was no longer acceptable and then he would perhaps have to lay that on the line if that time came. He never did do that though. 

My advice would be, first listen to Dr. Baxter...and secondly, be available for things like dates but not too available (i.e. overeager because that can feel smothering). Maybe if you pull back a little (and I mean a little not totally) it may be more apparent where she stands (like, if you don't call her, will she call you?). 

That one saying comes to mind "If you love something, set it free...if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with" and also another saying that I read (somewhere) that I kind of latched onto during that time was "In order to save a relationship you have to be ready to walk away from it"
I know...easier said than done 
Good luck! Be strong!


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## David Baxter PhD

Excellent advice, Toeless.


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## JA

Wow Toeless, great post! 

Steven, I understand that you feel like an emotional reck and that you couldn't sleep... learning that your relationship is in trouble is a really hard thing to go through... I think Dr. Baxter & Toeless gave you really good advice. You're not alone going through this  I wish you luck and my thoughts are with you...


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## Steven_v

well it all went better than i thought, i saw her again today for a little but. but i cant help feeling i let my obssesive side come out a bit today. she's going out clubbing with her mates tonight and tomorow night, and i asked twice whats she's doing tomorow and who's she's going out with today and tomorow. but i didnt dwell on it like i would have. also i mentioned very quickly if she had any idea when i might get out of this limbo, she said i still dont know and i left it at that.

but i still cant help but feel i pushed it a little to far and let my obssesive side out a bit today. (even though she didnt seem to bothered, but for a month she was and i didnt know so...)


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## Peanut

*Re: I just don't know what to do*

Good job Steven.? I don't think you should expect yourself to be able to change completely over night...nobody can.? I think a good goal to have is improvement, and today it sounds like you improved a lot--so, well done, keep it up!



> i mentioned very quickly if she had any idea when i might get out of this limbo, she said i still don't know and i left it at that


I think it's totally fine that you asked her that, but don't forget, that it can be your decision too...it's not all up to her!



> she's going out clubbing with her mates tonight and tomorrow night, and i asked twice whats she's doing tomorrow and who's she's going out with today and tomorrow. but i didn't dwell on it like i would have


Maybe tomorrow you could make plans to go out with your mates!? 


Mainly I just wanted to say it sounds like you did a good job and handled yourself well?


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## Steven_v

thanks. ive just got to try and not mention anything at all about her going out, when we go to the cinema on sunday


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## Steven_v

If iam honest i know ive got nothing to worry about but my obssesive side always finds something. ive just got to ignore it but more than i did today


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## Steven_v

she finished with me. she said she didnt think we would work. the strange thing is she seemed as upset as me. if i would have realised 2 months ago i would have had time to prove that i could change before she got in her words "fed up with me". maybe i should had said yes when she said we can always meet up in two weeks and see if her feelings have changed. but i said to her they probably wont and i cant do this again.just she seemed so sure that this is how she feels and yet at the same time she seemed to really want it to work. but thats probably her not wanting to hert me or just finding it hard to let go. but i love her so much i just wish i could go back two months and stop acting like a twat then when there was still time with her.


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## Peanut

Steven,

I am really sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better I don't think there's a single one of us that has not been through a rough break up. It sounds like it wasn't easy for your girlfriend either--you must have meant a lot to her too. But, sometimes for whatever reason, it just doesn't work out. 

It sounds like she may have left the door open a little bit, but I think you were wise to tell her what you did, that you didn't see anything changing. If I were you, I would try to carry on as though she was never going to change her mind. Try to recover from the break up and move on. If, by any chance she did change her mind, I'm pretty sure she would contact you and let you know. It's not like you have to keep checking in with her to see if her mind has changed. Plus, I honestly think that she is more likely to change her mind if you start to move on (just act like it if you have to at first!). 

I would say, grieve for the relationship (not in front of her), force yourself to engage in any hobbies or anything you might like to do, go out with your friends, etc. If you do these things I think that regardless of what she does, you will be happier. 

I was also just wondering if she had ever said or threatened to break up before this, like during fights or anything? Also, how long were you with her?

Anyway Steven, again I'm really sorry. But trust me--there are TONS of women out there. I know you probably don't care about any of them right now, but just keep in mind that everything will be alright. This is a really normal, really human situation. I mean, look at the extremely high divorce rate. It will get easier. If it ends here and now with her, this will be the hardest part, after this it will just hurt less and less. 

Hang in there! You did everything you could so don't beat yourself up about it. You did your best, you tried, and that's all you can do.


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## Steven_v

gonna see her again in 2 weeks i hope. but i daught if anything will have changed, especially since ive text her 4 times today (she didnt reply) and rang her about 7 (she didnt answer), but it was nothing to do with her, this women who knew me by name who id never seen before came round and gave me free brand new mobile phone, so i text and phoned everyone i knew to see if they knew who this women was. but to my now ex it will probably seem as if iam hastling her or stalking her or something. dont know what to do about that so that she doesnt think i was hastling her


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## ThatLady

It's best to put this whole thing behind you, steven. Continuing to try to contact this girl is only going to make the situation worse. Go on with your life, find other things to do and to think about, and let this one go. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, all the chasing in the world will not catch she who wishes not to be caught.


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## Steven_v

iam just worried she's gona think iam hastling her or something, because of all the text and calls i left about the strange phone ladie (who i still have no clue who she was)


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## Peanut

*Re: I just don't know what to do*

Steven,

I mean this in the kindest possible way, because I really do feel for you, but you ARE hassling her when you are calling and texting her that much. Your reasoning behind why you did it does not seem plausible and I doubt she would believe you even if you were able to explain that to her. Pestering her is going to turn her off...remember you want to come out of this with your integrity in tact! 

I think the best thing that you can do at this point is do not call her again, let her call you. No matter what excuse you have to call her, it is going to seem like just that, an excuse. If there is any hope at all, let her call you. 

But!! In the meantime...try moving forward! Force yourself to go out with some friends even if you don't feel like it. Get out and see other people. The world is rich with all kinds of different personalities, and there is no point in dwelling on the one that got away. 

You will get through this, try to keep your head up!


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## David Baxter PhD

Excellent advice, Toeless!

Steven, please read what Toeless just posted *very carefully* and then re-read it. I'm currently trying to help a young man who did pretty much what you are doing with his ex-girlfriend and fiound himself under arrest and facing charges for stalking. The courts take this sort of thing very seriously these days.


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## Steven_v

i did only call her because of what happened, this women shows up at my door ask my dad for me by name gives him a phone he gives it to me i say thanks to her thinking she's one of his customers (he's a window cleaner) and take it. she goes i say to my dad who was that he says i dont know i though you knew her. so oviously i text and ring all my friends and everyone i have in my phone, my ex is the only one who doesnt reply so i think maybe she knows something so i ring her didn get an answer rang her other phone didnt get an answer. so iam really getting a bit scared about who this woman was, my ex is still the only one i havent herd from so i ring her a couple more times and leave 2 voice mails asking if she knows anything about this woman on one phone, and one on her other phone.
 i know it sounds like bullshit but ive got the phone in my room and i texted or rang everyone else in my phone. just dont know how iam gonna get that across to her that i wasnt haslting her without  well hastling her


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## Steven_v

iam deffenitly not stalking her, iam just trying to find out who this women was. i text and rang my ex last cause i really didnt want to ring or text her at all. God cant believe you people are accusing me of stalking iam only trying to find out why a strange women gave me a phone


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## David Baxter PhD

Steven, I am NOT accusing you of stalking her. My client wasn't stalking either (in fact, his ex made more calls to him than he did to her).

But what you did could well be interpreted as staking. I was trying to WARN you that if she makes a complaint the police WILL act on it and the results will not be fun at all for you.


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## Steven_v

but ive done nothing wrong my dad spoke to this lady my sister saw her. and all my friends got texts or calls asking if they knew who it was, i only text and called my ex so many times because she didnt reply and iam quite worried about who this woman is and if she knows anything about it. of cause iam not gona contact her again, apart from later in the week because she wants to arrange to pick her stuff up from mine. i would have done the same to anyone in my phone who didnt reply because this thing with the phone lady is worreing me alot


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## Steven_v

but i can see how trying to explain myself would only make things worse. i'll just appologise to her casualey when i have to get in contact with her later on in the week. thats if she doesnt already think iam a stalker. lol. and iam gona go into the shop with the reciept that was in the bag with the phone and ask if they remember who they sold it to cause its starting to scair me a little


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## Steven_v

my point is she wasnt the only one i was hastling that day but how do i get her to know that and not think iam so wierdo stalker


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## David Baxter PhD

Right now, Steven, your first priority is not to make it any worse. Just leave it. Wait for her to contact you. Then you will have an opportunity to explain if you wish.


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## Steven_v

yeah i know iam not gona. its just i cant stand anyone thinking bad of me


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## Diana

That is really weird about the woman and the phone . But, besides that I just wanted to comment on your break-up situation.
A friend of mine recently emailed me explaining that the guy she's been with for (I don't know - 3 years?) and who she just bought a house with suddenly told her that he doesn't think they have enough in common to get married, so that's that. She is really heartbroken. Basically, she told him that she wasn't moving back in with her parents (all her stuff is there). For a week or two he was really busy and they barely spoke. He slept on the couch and it was driving her crazy.
Finally, one night they sat down and talked. He apologized for not bringing up how he felt a couple of months ago and they made some decisions about what they would do with the house. They're still friends. My friend still wishes they will get back together deep down inside, but she knows that she has to be realistic and figure out where she's going.
The reason I told you that story is just simply to let you know that life is life, change happens, and sometimes it hurts for a while, but then you have to move on. If they do get back together - great - and if they don't then she'll be fine and experience more great things in her life. Also, to explain that it's not YOU and it wasn't MY FRIEND, it was just how things and people came together.
Anyway, hang in there. You'll be fine. I also hope you find out about the phone mystery. Just be careful though...


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## Steven_v

i dont want to be happy unless its with her


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## David Baxter PhD

Steven_v said:
			
		

> i dont want to be happy unless its with her



You cannot force someone to want to be with you and you cannot rely on another person for happiness. Even if she were with you, the burden of being the sole reason for your happiness would be huge.


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## Steven_v

i love her and when has it ever been wrong to fight for what you love


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## Halo

Hi Steven,

I don't have much expertise or any knowledge actually but I am just going to pass on a saying that I once heard....

A relationship should compliment you, not define you.

Take Care and Good Luck
Nancy


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## Steven_v

it did and so did she, and thats why iam prepeared to fight for it.


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## Steven_v

i cant love anyone else, i dont want to love anyone else i'd sooner be alone and misrable.


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## David Baxter PhD

That's your choice, Steven. Just make sure that you understand that that is what you are doing: Making a choice to be unhappy, to stay where you are, to refuse to move forward. 

It's also a form of emotional blackmail, albeit perhaps unspoken. What you are saying, at least to yourself, is that if she won't agree to stay with you, you will punish her by ensuring that you remain miserable.


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## Steven_v

it wont punish her at all. if she does not want to be with me than she never even has to see me again but if i can not be with her than id rather go mad. not that i'll tell her this of course she doesnt deserve such a burden i'll merely let her know how much i love her and fight for her any chance i get. after that she can live a normal life infact i hope she finds her perfect man if iam not him. if iam not then iam resigned to the same fate as Majnun in the story of Layla and Majnun.


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## Steven_v

it is only myself who i wish tol punish , only myself i wish misery on. no one else and i will make sure that, that is how it shall be


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## David Baxter PhD

> it is myself who i shall punish



Because you have chosen to do that. It IS a choice. You have a right to make that choice -- as long as you understand that there are alternative choices you could make.


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## Steven_v

i could never nor would i ever want to love anyone else the way i love her so if she does not want me than i can never be happy nor would i ever want to be with anyone but her.


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## Steven_v

all human beings desire one thing above all to make a connection with another human being. my strongest connection has been made never will i have one so strong. so unless my connection with her can be brought back then i do not see the point in trying to make connections with others for it will never be as strong. She was my perfect woman wether or not iam her perfect man


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## David Baxter PhD

It's not unusual to feel this way initially, Steven, but it isn't really true.



> i could never nor would i ever want to love anyone else the way i love her



There is a difference between "I could never" and "I don't want to" - the second is a choice; the first isn't factual.



> so if she does not want me than i can never be happy



That isn't true.



> nor would i ever want to be with anyone but her



That may be true, if that's the decision (choice) you make.


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## Steven_v

it is my decision because of my love, there was never a more noble cause to go mad or to even die for than love. (well perhaps for the sins of all man kind, but iam no yeshua)


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## ThatLady

You're still young, steven. Give this a bit of time, hon. We change as we learn and grow. What seemed impossible only a short time ago may become a reality just a little ways down the road. I know it hurts to lose someone you care for. I've been there, too. However, you do recover and you can learn to love again.


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## Steven_v

iam not sure i want to


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## ThatLady

At this point, that's probably a good thing and how anyone would most likely feel. That, too, is subject to change.


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## Steven_v

I just cant see how, ive been inlove 3 times before and 2 of them finished with me. this is just so different i honeslt think she's my perfect girl and i ruined it


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## Peanut

> it is my decision because of my love, there was never a more noble cause to go mad or to even die for than love.


I disagree and I think that you are confusing love with obsession. 

Steven, you are going to be ok. It really hasn't been very long since the relationship ended, so maybe you just need some more time to heal.

Plus, to put this in a little different light....just think how great it would be if you ran into her, and you had your act together, and you seemed happy and well adjusted, etc. That to me, would seem much better than running into her looking all depressed and like you haven't slept in a year. I mean, you want to impress her, not scare her, right? I think that if you really think she is the one for you, if you have any chance at all, that would be it. A little side bonus is that if you actually do move on this will be more attractive to other women as well! 

Is there anything you like to do for yourself? Like go to the gym, your job, go out with your friends, etc? Don't forget, along with the loss of this relationship you are gaining freedom to do other things that you like!


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## Steven_v

nothing, nothing at all


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## Peanut

what did you do before you met her? Do you have any interest in anything? Do you have a job, do you like music, have you considered exercising?

Come on Steven! I'm sure there is something. Think hard!


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## Steven_v

i was planning on traveling to jerusalem, and not coming back


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## Peanut

You mean before you met her? Why Jerusalem? Would you be leaving any family or friends behind?


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## Steven_v

i would be leaving all my family and friends


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## Peanut

Hmmm...that would be hard. Why would you choose Jerusalem to go to? Have you ever been there before?


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## Steven_v

nope never been there, just feel i need to go there. and i was gona travel from there to where ever the wind took me


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## Peanut

Ahh, so your the adventurous type, huh? That's supposed to be a very spritual place to go, isn't it? 

Have you told your family and friends about this, and if so, did they have any good advice for you or offer support?

Well so far I'm totally digging the travel idea. If you don't want to leave everyone behind maybe you could just take a trip there at first and see what you think? Maybe you could drag one of your friends along too. 

I can see the appeal of traveling...I think it helps to get away from the situation and clear your head and your thinking (not just yours but everyones'). That's one excellent idea you've came up with--is it feasible for you to take a trip somewhere if you decided that's what you wanted to do?


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## Steven_v

maybe one day soon, right now iam sure you can guess all that i can think of


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## Peanut

Well not really because I just saw you thinking about something else for a minute so I know you can  It was really nice to see Steven the person, not Steven the obsessed. Will you bring Steven the person back so I can talk to him? He seemed like a cool guy


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## Steven_v

i try to get over her i try to think about other things it was working kinda yesterday, then just as iam thinking of something else i'll catch a glimpse at her picture that i still have on a shelf in my room (i cant bring myself to put it away). and my heart will break memories of us together come flodding back and i remember how much i love her, and how much i want what we had back.


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## ThatLady

Putting the picture away would be an excellent start on the road to healing, steven. If you know the picture brings back painful memories, put it away. That will be the first step into the future, hon.


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## Peanut

> i try to get over her i try to think about other things it was working kinda yesterday,


I am sincerely happy to hear that Steven!  That sounds like real progress. Try to hold on to that thought...it was kinda working. The more you practice thinking about other things, the better you will get at it, just like anything else. 



> then just as iam thinking of something else i'll catch a glimpse at her picture that i still have on a shelf in my room (i cant bring myself to put it away). and my heart will break memories of us together come flodding back and i remember how much i love her, and how much i want what we had back



That kind of thing is very hard, but to be expected. You are grieving for your relationship. It takes time. It was better yesterday and hopefully you can keep on the right track...and if you keep making an effort it will get better. 

It's OK to be sad though--just don't commit yourself to that state forever! Be sad, but also look to the future! There are so many opportunities and experiences out there. Also, be careful not to be so blinded by one person's beauty that you lose track of all the other beauty in the world.


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## Lana

Hi Steven;
I bet things are a bit tough for you right now and it may seem that the hurt won?t ever go away. I can tell you that it will get easier, and it will go away, and that in some years, you?ll look back on this day and think, ?Wow, it felt like the end of the world?but it wasn?t? I know this because once, I too felt a similar kind of hurt. But it passed.

What you?re experiencing right now is grief. And it is that grief that distorts view and thoughts. It is perfectly ok to take your time and grieve the loss, but don?t make any decisions?not yet. Give yourself time to adjust and come to terms. 

We all go through relationships during our lifetime. Each one special and each one serving a different purpose. They?re like waves of the ocean: they come and go, shaping us as if we?re made of sand. And maybe your girlfriend was that wave (the bigger one), but be rest assured, there will be another. 

One thing I used to do when getting over a break up was writing. I would write good thoughts, sad thoughts, angry thoughts, whatever came to mind. A while ago my husband and I were doing some spring cleaning and I found my diary, one I filled out when I was 16. It was a wonderful feeling to read all that, to get to know myself all over again, and do so with care and compassion of a woman, not hurt and disappointment of a 16 year old girl that wrote it. 

Anyways, hang in there. Things will get better.


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## Steven_v

i think it would be easier if i knew for sure it was over, but ive still got to meet her to give her stuff back and she also said she wants to meet up in 2 weeks to see if her feelings are anydifferent


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## Lana

I agree with you, it would be easier to know where things stand. But, it doesn't mean you have to stand still.  Taking charge of yourself and your life is a challenging but rewarding step in the right direction. That means not letting others control your life and your feelings, which will help you with this:


			
				Steven_v  said:
			
		

> ... its just i cant stand anyone thinking bad of me


I think one of the most important goals is to like yourself enough not to be bothered by what others think. When you feel that way, you will find that relationships, while very rewarding, will not break you if they end. In addition, you won't have to be stuck in an emotional limbo like you are now.


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## ThatLady

We can NEVER control what others think. That's a really important thing to learn, steven. The only thing we can control is what WE think and do. We must think well of ourselves, and try to work toward becoming the best people WE can be...for ourselves. The thoughts of others will always remain THEIR thoughts and beyond our efforts to control.


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## Steven_v

i dont know what on earth iam doing, and havent got a clue what she's doing.
we meet up yesterday and ended up spending the night round hers, but she still says she's not sure about wether we could ever be together. plus iam a bit unsure now, oh and 3 days ago when we split up there was my last condom in her draw and it wasnt there last night she said she accidently threw it away. but if thats not true than she got over me pretty damn quickly


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## Peanut

> we meet up yesterday and ended up spending the night round hers


I'm not quite sure what you mean here. Do you mean you spent the night with her?



> 3 days ago when we split up there was my last condom in her draw and it wasnt there last night


 So what is going on now Steven? It sounds like you might be snooping through her drawers and speculating. Do you really want to go down that road?



> i dont know what on earth iam doing


I really think that this should be your priority. Figure out what you're doing independently of whatever she decides to do. 



> she still says she's not sure about wether we could ever be together.plus iam a bit unsure now


 I'm glad that you are thinking about yourself a little here. This is your choice too...you don't have to get sucked back into this mess or these games. You can still be available for dating and things like that, but you don't need to pander to her every want. If I were you, and she wanted to come get her stuff on Tuesday, I would tell her "Tuesday is actually not good for me, how about Wednesday?". Take back some control in this situation. She shouldn't get to have it all.


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## Steven_v

yes i mean i spent the night with her.
no i wasnt snoping, i asked her if she still had the condom in the draw she said yes i looked and it wasnt there. she said oh i must have chucked it a way.
i really dont know what going on iam really just following my heart rather than my head.


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## Peanut

I'm sorry I think I misunderstood your last post. This situation is starting to sound very familiar again! It does sound like she's still interested and you still have a chance if you guys are still sleeping together. Perhaps just sticking to the plan of trying to play it cool and giving her time to figure things out could potentially still work. 



> iam really just following my heart rather than my head.


I do that all the time


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## Steven_v

iam just so confused as to whats going on, and i dont want to push her to explain cause that really p's her off. plus she keeps saying i dont wanna get your hopes up.

i just sent her a text good night now, she replied with a blank text. so i text "you do realise you just sent me a blank text" she sent one back saying "sorry". so i text her saying "what were you ment to send me". she didnt text back so i just sent another saying "it dont matter aslong as its nothing bad.lol. anyways night night". but she still hasnt text back and ive got a really strong erge to text her asking why but i know thats stupid, i just hate it when people dont text back.


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## Peanut

> i dont want to push her to explain cause that really p's her off.


That is a really good instinct Steven--remember it, because you're right, it will make her mad, and that is not what you want to do right now. 

I'm not really sure what to say about the texting :blank: It sounds overwhelming. 

I think it would be really good if you could find a way to relax a little bit and decompress. Situations like these are very stressful, and it really helps to have some techniques or activities to reduce stress so you can function better. Maybe you could try to think of something relaxing to do to help yourself get through this?

I just also want to say that you are in a difficult situation and I can understand why you feel the way you do. I'm not a very patient person myself and I understand how waiting for things, especially important things, can be torture. But I guess kind of like you were talking about earlier...everyone's got to follow their own heart or head (whichever they choose) and I think that's what your girlfriend is doing too.


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## Steven_v

so basically dont text her again


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## Peanut

Right!


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## ThatLady

Bingo! Don't text her again, hon. Find something to do to occupy your mind. I don't know if you play video games, or read, or what you like to do with your leisure times, but this is the time to roll one of those things out. The more you push, the further away she's going to run. Just leave it all alone and let what happens happen. Pick up with your life.


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## Steven_v

ok guys thanks for the advice. well its nearly midnight here in the uk so good night everyone


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## Steven_v

so iam gona go meet her tomorow to give her, her stuff back. this is gona be so hard, it could be the last time i could see her


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## ThatLady

Yes, steven, it will more than likely be very difficult. However, as we go through life we're faced with many challenges and difficult moments. The measure of a person is taken by how well they handle those difficult times and how well they move on from them into better things. Just hold your head up, do what you have to do, and go on with your life. Live it to the very best of your ability and you'll do just fine, hon.


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## Steven_v

its just hard to think that i may never see her again


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## Peanut

Yes Steven, no doubt it will be hard. These things are never easy, that's for sure. Just remember that it may not be the last time you see her. Also remember that whatever happens you can come and talk about it here.

I know I vividly remember moving all of my stuff when I moved out...I put all my stuff in plastic bags and put on my sunglasses (one of the few times I've worn sunglasses indoors!) and did it as quickly as possible...and then when it was done I uncorked a bottle of champagne and drank it with a friend (not that I'm recommending that, but I'm just saying the situation is what it is and how you choose to view the situation and deal with it is something that you can have some control over).

It is not fun but it is a relief when it's done, that's how it felt to me anyway.

Good luck! Just do the best that you can.


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## Steven_v

its been about 2 months know, ive made sure ive had no contact with her at all ive even seen other girls. but it still herts just as much if not even more


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## Diana

Hi Steven. Sorry, I have no advice to give right now. It's 2 am in korea right now. Just wanted to let you know that I read your post and I'm thinking of you. I hope you can keep moving forward and that the hurt goes away soon.


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## Peanut

Hi Steven,

I'm sorry to hear that you are still having a hard time, but I am glad to hear that it sounds like you are handling it in a healthy way. I think that's a really good step that you are going out with other girls too. When I was seperated I guess you could say that I went out a couple of times, and I know that it does kind of just feel like you're going through the motions. Sometimes those people that you date immediately after a meaningful relationship fails seem to just serve to make your ex look better and better. But I think the thing to remember is that you can't expect the next great girl for you to come along right away. It might take some time to find another good fit. And in the meantime I think you'll begin to start feeling better and be in a better place to start your next relationship.

It is great to hear from you Steven! I'm proud of you--it sounds like you're doing the right thing.


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