# Wal-Mart Job Application



## Thelostchild (Aug 13, 2008)

*Wal-Mart Job Application*

[This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest…] 

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard) 

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate). 

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. 

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. 

EDUCATION: Yes. 

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. 

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. 

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. 

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. 

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. 

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. 

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here? 

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.?: Of what? 

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?” 

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. 

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no.  On my breaks - yes. 

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:  7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely. 

SIGN HERE: Sagittarius.


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## sister-ray (Aug 14, 2008)

LOL I like that remind me of some of things I put on applications to jobs I didnt want but had been made to apply for years ago.


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## poohbear (Aug 14, 2008)

Makes us wish we could all be so honest, eh?--Poohbear


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