# Physical pain of depression



## Cat Dancer (May 18, 2006)

I don't mean the aches and pains of the body. I mean the pain in the throat and chest that make it hard to swallow and breathe. I feel like I want to cry, that if I could cry the pain would ease, but I can't and *won't* cry anymore. 

I just wonder what causes this pain? If it's something physical? I wonder if this even makes sense at all?


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## ThatLady (May 18, 2006)

Actually, these pains are often physical, Janet. They're caused by the tightening of the muscles in our throats and chests...done in an effort to keep from crying. As you say, you WON'T cry anymore. Holding back the tears can bring about physical pain. Sometimes, it's better to find a safe place to be alone and just cry it out, luv.


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## Cat Dancer (May 18, 2006)

I just can't. I've tried to cry and I can't anymore.


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## Holly (May 18, 2006)

Dear Janet,
You mentioned the weather changing maybe some pain is from the pressure of the weather changing, I live in a province where snow, rain and sun can happen in one day. 
My body does feel that change also, this is just a thought. 
If it is not that, Janet you need to maybe you need to slow down, rest for a few minutes, see if you can notice a difference with the muscles in your body, if your breast feeding also it may make you tense too. 
The body has it's way of telling us to slow down. 
Take care of you, Janet, your in my thoughts.
Hope you find some way to feel better!


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## Cat Dancer (May 18, 2006)

Thanks, Holly.  

The weather has been such a downer to me lately. I feel exhausted. I can't seem to focus on anything or finish anything I start. I guess I have some things on my mind that are really weighing me down and I do want to cry so badly. 

Thanks for thinking of me. It's very helpful.


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## BrokenHearted (May 18, 2006)

Hi Janet

I think I know what you mean as I also have experienced a very similar problem. I think it is something to do with anxiety... My voice was so hoarse if you spoke to me on the phone you would have assumed I was a male. Although it was not particuly painful I found I could not quench my thirst and that I could not seem to take enough air in to breath properly... I think I was all cried out at the time.... 

I hope you feel better soon

Take care


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## ThatLady (May 18, 2006)

Janet  said:
			
		

> Thanks, Holly.
> 
> The weather has been such a downer to me lately. I feel exhausted. I can't seem to focus on anything or finish anything I start. I guess I have some things on my mind that are really weighing me down and I do want to cry so badly.
> 
> Thanks for thinking of me. It's very helpful.



If there's ever anything you need to talk about, just to get it off your chest, you know I'm here, Janet. You've recently given birth, so post-partum depression is a real possibility here.


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## Diana (May 18, 2006)

I guess I don't have much advice, but I've noticed a couple of times in my life when I was really stressed out about something I've had some problems with breathing. I don't think it's exactly what you're going through, but emotions and mental state definitely influence our physical bodies. I hope you're feeling better soon. I can only imagine that giving birth could put a lot of stress on your body. Maybe take some time to relax.


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## Peanut (May 19, 2006)

Hi Janet,

I just wanted to echo what everyone else said, especially about being able to talk about anything you want. I also thought thatlady's suggestion that post partum depression is a possibility was maybe worth considering and I was wondering what you thought about it. Has it gotten worse since giving birth? You of course don't have to answer if you don't want to. I mainly just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having such a hard time and wish I knew what to do to help. I will try to think of something!

Hugs Janet!!


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## Cat Dancer (May 19, 2006)

BrokenHearted  said:
			
		

> Hi Janet
> 
> I think I know what you mean as I also have experienced a very similar problem. I think it is something to do with anxiety... My voice was so hoarse if you spoke to me on the phone you would have assumed I was a male. Although it was not particuly painful I found I could not quench my thirst and that I could not seem to take enough air in to breath properly... I think I was all cried out at the time....
> 
> ...



Thanks, Brokenhearted. I definitely think anxiety is a huge part of it. The hard to breathe part is kind of scary. 

ThatLady, thank you for your kind words. 

Diana, thanks for sharing that. I don't know why, but it makes me feel not so alone when others share even though I wish others didn't suffer like this. 

Toeless, thanks for the hugs. It means a lot!! 

I do also think postpartum depression is playing havoc with my mind which wasn't in that great shape in the first place. :yikes: It's definitely worse than it was before. But now I have more motivation to find answers and get better if that makes sense? 

And I think some of it is the fact that my nephew who passed away would have had his first birthday in June and my baby will be the same age he was when he died. It's just making my heart ache so much. I want to cry about it, but I can't. 

I want sometimes to give up, but I won't do that. I'll keep going. I think it's so important to keep going even when it hurts so much you can't breathe. If one person lets go it hurts other people and I don't want to hurt anyone except maybe myself sometimes. And I'm really trying not to do that either.

Thanks to all of you.  I think talking about it is helpful and, I don't know, connecting with people is helpful> I am so isolated, some of it my choice because of fear. But I don't want to be this way.


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## Rosa (May 19, 2006)

((((safe hugs for Janet)))) I'm sorry to hear your having such a hard time but glad your here to share it with us and amongst friends who understand. I know how hard it is sometimes, I've been stuck in a panic stage for well over a week now...I've felt like I haven't been able to breathe in over a week and yet, amazlingly I'm still here It can be sooooo frustrating. I would think the loss of your nephew might have something to do with what your feeling now, have you considered writing a letter to him? It's not something you mail of course, but sometimes it helps me express how I feel to those I've lost...it usually brings on the tears but can be a good release. 
In friendship
Rosa whos here if you need anything


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## Cat Dancer (May 20, 2006)

Rosa, I am sorry that you're having a hard time too. I really like your idea of writing a letter to him. I think I will try that. Maybe I can get some of this feeling out of me. Thank you for suggesting that.


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## Rosa (May 20, 2006)

Good morning Janet,
I really hope writing that letter helps. I've done this soooooo many times. Ususally I start out feeling kind of dumb but in no time I end up sobbing I'm able to release all those feelings and say ALL the things I want to say-my first letter to Rabbi was some 16 pages long!!! When a little girl I knew died in a fire I wrote her a letter and burried that along with some crayons and pennies to spend in heaven. I really hopes this helps. 
In friendship
Rosa


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## Cat Dancer (May 22, 2006)

I was thinking I would write my letter and make a little garden and just bury it in the garden. THanks agaiin for the suggestion, Rosa. 

My father wants to go visit my sister and he wants me and my baby to come and I'm just not sure what to do. I'm afraid it would hurt my sister to see my baby who is the same as as her baby was when he died. 

Sunday I cried a lot and I felt better. The pain come s back, but maybe I can allow myself to cry and not feel so guilty about it. Life is just so hard. I feel like I can't do anything right.


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## Holly (May 22, 2006)

Dear Janet,
You are being too hard on yourself, I can tell you that you have to believe it! I am sorry you feel this way, I am sorry about the loss in your family. It does not mean you should not go, maybe call your sister and ask her, she may be feeling worried about you also! You will never know, call her and just ask. Take care, sending you a hug! Holly


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## ThatLady (May 22, 2006)

Holly's right, Janet. Call your sister and ask her if she'd like to see little Abigail. Explain that you won't be hurt if she can't deal with it right now, and that you'll understand. Just let her know you love her and would love to see her.


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## just mary (May 22, 2006)

> Call your sister and ask her if she'd like to see little Abigail. Explain that you won't be hurt if she can't deal with it right now, and that you'll understand. Just let her know you love her and would love to see her.



That sounds like a really, good idea. 

Are you close to your sister, Janet? If you are, she might just be the person that could help you right now. And you could help her at the same time. 

I wish there was something more I could do. I'll be thinking of you Janet. Please take care of yourself.


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## Cat Dancer (May 22, 2006)

Thanks you all. I will try to \call her and talk to her. I do think we are close. She rescued me, took me in and took care of me. I can't ever give back enough to repay her for her kindness. I certainly don't want to cause her any pain. Thanks for listening to me.


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## just mary (May 22, 2006)

> I can't ever give back enough to repay her for her kindness.



I was thinking about this tonight. Your sister sounds like she loves you very much Janet, and she doesn't expect you to repay her, she just wants to know that she helped. But I know what you feel like. I'm speaking from the side of "being helped" and I know how hard it is to let go of that feeling of "owing something". But sometimes that's all you can do and there will come a time when you can repay her, but sometimes the circumstances are sad. 

And I don't want to tell you to do anything Janet. But I can suggest that you call her and let her know that you're thinking of her and what happened. I had a friend who called me around the annivesary of the time that I lost my baby and all she said was "this must be a hard time for you" and I was so touched. Those few words meant so much to me and made me feel like a part of the human race, that we're all in this together and we all hurt at times. 

Maybe you could let go of that pain with your sister.  Maybe she feels it too?

And finally, I don't think you could cause anyone pain Janet. 

Take care,


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## Cat Dancer (May 23, 2006)

I think you're right that she loves me. She has such a kind heart. And it is hard to let go of owing something. I guess that is how life is? Sometimes we need more and sometimes we are able to give back. 

I think I will call her tomorrow. 

I'd not forgotten your loss. I think that was on e of the first things you posted here. I'm glad your friend remembered and that it touched you. I'm really sorry about what happened. You're right, we are all in this together and whatever help or kindness we can do for each other is so important I think. And sometimes what we might think is so little is actually so much to the other person. 

I 've been thinking about my best friend who died almost nine years ago. I try to write to her parents every now and then to let them know how much I miss her and how much I loved her and I really want to do that again. It's hard to know what the right thing to do is. I don't want to cause them any pain either. On the other hand it's hard when no one seems to remember a loss like that. 

Thanks for talking to me.  Talking here about this is really helping.


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## ThatLady (May 23, 2006)

I think we forget that love given does not accrue debt. We love because we are human and made to love. That love is what begets our giving. We don't give anything in love for the purpose of getting something back. We get something back from the pure joy of being able to help someone for whom we care deeply. Never, never, never do we owe anything to someone who gives to us out of love. They've already received their gift.

Think about the times you've been able to help someone you love. Did you want something in return? Heck, no! You were just pleased silly that you were able to help, eh?


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## Cat Dancer (May 23, 2006)

Very true. 
I'm not giving my sisiter much credit I think. I'm sure she doesn't feel I owe her anything. 
That comes from inside me, that feeling.


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## ThatLady (May 23, 2006)

Feelings of obligation to loved ones do, indeed, come from inside us, Janet. The loved ones almost never feel we owe them anything. I think the trick is to always remember, when the feelings of obligation start to raise their ugly heads, turn it around. How would you feel if the situation were reversed. You can bet your bottom dollar that's exactly how your loved one feels.


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## foghlaim (Jun 1, 2006)

thinking of u Janet. i agree with Holly's suggestion also, ring and ask your sis, then you'll know what to do. hope u feel better soon.

nsa


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 29, 2006)

I still have this pain so much. It seems most of the time it is there. I wonder if it is this pain that I am trying to escape from when I self-injure. I wonder if it is actually anxiety. I am not sure what the difference is between emotional pain and anxiety. 

I'm just really struggling a lot with this lately. I am trying to work on some techniques to ease this feeling in my throat and chest of pain. One thing that seems to help is to focus on my breathing and breathing more slowly and deeply. I don't know if that makes any sense. 

Anti-anxiety medication seems to help, but I am so afraid of becoming addicted to it that I am afraid to take it. I want to figure out how to make this pain stop without being self-destructive. I want to write about it, but who would read it? Or would it even matter if anyone did read it? I'm worried I'm just stuck hurting and hurting.


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## ThatLady (Nov 29, 2006)

Take the anti-anxiety medication, Janet! Dont' be afraid of it. We don't become addicted to medications that we need! That's the nurse in me speaking, so please pay heed. I've been taking medication for anxiety for years, and I am not addicted to it. There are times when I don't take it for weeks, even months. Yet, I don't hesitate to use it when I need it. Please, do the same. It's important.

As for the pain in your throat and chest, I've got a feeling that part of it might be indigestion brought on by anxiety. Try taking some Pepcid or Zantac. Pepcid has a great chewable form that works very quickly. You might find that will give you some relief, as well. Indigestion is often associated with anxiety.


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 29, 2006)

I've thought about that and I had plenty of indigestion when I was pregnant, but it isn't the same feeling. I don't know. It's like how you feel when someone dies, that pain inside. I don't know how to explain it. Or maybe it is something physical. I do struggle with not eating at times or making myself throw up. It could be damage from that. Maybe I will try some Pepcid. I did take that when I was pregnant. It couldn't hurt anything.


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## ThatLady (Nov 29, 2006)

No, it can't hurt anything and it just might help. Indigestion of pregnancy often doesn't feel the same as indigestion when we're not pregnant. It's worth a try.


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 29, 2006)

IT's just that feeling like you want to cry so much, but you can't cry.  Like tears are stuck inside and pain. Like it's too much pain and it can't come out any single way. I'm hoping I can sleep it off tonight. Sometimes that helps. 

Thank you.


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## ThatLady (Nov 30, 2006)

You're welcome! I hope you get a good night's sleep. What the heck, if you need to cry just go ahead and cry. A good cry can be very freeing. :hug:


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