# What is wrong with someone like this?



## Cat Dancer (Nov 15, 2009)

What is wrong with someone who puts their trust in another person only to have that trust broken over and over and over again? 

Why would someone do that? Is it stupidity? Insanity? I don't understand it. Why do the same thing over again hoping for a different outcome?


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## Daniel (Nov 15, 2009)

One possibility:



> The more people perceive events as uncontrollable and unpredictable, the more stress they experience, and the less hope they feel about making changes in their lives...
> 
> Those who are extremely shy, passive, anxious and depressed may learn helplessness to offer stable explanations for unpleasant social experiences.
> 
> Learned helplessness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## David Baxter PhD (Nov 15, 2009)

Some times it's about hoping that person has finally learned the importance of living up to your trust. Sometimes it's about that fact that some people are just very good at manipulating others into believing they are deserving of trust.


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## Daniel (Nov 15, 2009)

And, of course, manipulations would have more effect on someone with low self-esteem, e.g.:



> Women in abusive relationships have developed at some point in time learned helplessness. These women have low self-esteem and blame themselves when things go wrong, therefore, they feel they deserve the physical and mental abuse (similar to the young children who felt they deserved the negative criticism they received because of being "bad").
> 
> Learned Helplessness - Sanctuary for the Abused


I assume what narcissistic manipulators want in a romantic relationship is a docile "employee" more than a partner.


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## IDii (Nov 15, 2009)

Is it possible for the trust-breaking party to believe, themselves, that they're worth trusting? Despite the efforts or hopes of such a trust-breaker, is it necessary at some point to leave them?

_Edit:_ And would the possibility of them being a manipulator contribute to that necessity?


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## Daniel (Nov 15, 2009)

> Is it possible for the trust-breaking party to believe, themselves, that they're worth trusting?


They usually do.  



> Despite the efforts or hopes of such a trust-breaker, is it necessary at some point to leave them?


Most relationships end sooner than later, so the answer is usually yes even if there is not an issue with trust.  But, for example, marriages in which there has been an affair can be saved.

Regarding manipulation, one example:



> They have thrown so many sad tales at us and guilt trips and have basically made us feel responsible for their bad behavior that we are afraid to do what we know is best for us.
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/personal...-of-a-manipulative-person-or-personality.html


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## Yuray (Nov 15, 2009)

......to directly answer you direct question.......its called 'hope', and nothing will destroy it faster than urealistic expectations being unfulfilled


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 16, 2009)

How do you know what is unrealistic? Or how do you know if your expectations are unrealistic? It's hard to know.


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## Banned (Nov 16, 2009)

Cat Dancer said:


> How do you know what is unrealistic? Or how do you know if your expectations are unrealistic? It's hard to know.


 
If you're not sure, ask someone else for their opinion.  Someone who is objective, whom you can trust.


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## unionmary (Nov 16, 2009)

Cat Dancer said:


> What is wrong with someone who puts their trust in another person only to have that trust broken over and over and over again?
> 
> Why would someone do that? Is it stupidity? Insanity? I don't understand it. Why do the same thing over again hoping for a different outcome?



How many times did Liz Taylor marry? lol


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## David Baxter PhD (Nov 16, 2009)

And she married Richard Burton at least twice.


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 16, 2009)

That is true. He he.


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## texasgirl (Nov 16, 2009)

Sometimes I ask myself what would I tell my girlfriend if she came to me with the same issues.  Helps developing a clearer perspective for me....

TG     :friends:


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