# Depressed and grieving



## Jesse910 (Aug 8, 2007)

I've been dancing around for the past two days with myself instead of just dealing.  I'm depressed as hell.  Nothing I've done in the past two days has been soothing.  I'm simply going through the motions of getting up each day, getting my son up for day camp, going to work, going home.  I do laundry, wash dishes, make beds, prepare dinner, take a shower, walk the dog, and play with the cats, and nothing.  I surface talk with my husband because at times he can be short-tempered.  I miss my mom more than anything in the world and I wish that I could either go and join her or have her come back and be here with me.  I started cleaning out her closet last weekend and I got through it by telling myself that I was just taking things to the cleaners.  Her house is empty but before we can sell it, it has to be cleaned out. My brother lives out of state, so I get stuck with the task.  I'm angry with him for leaving the stuff to me to do.  Yet, I no longer tell him about it because he can't deal with it and he has an explosive temper.  I don't cry very often, but I still talk to her everyday.  I talk to the dog because it was Mom's dog and she's the only one who really understands.  The dog was with my Mom when she collasped in the house.  

I've been coming here throughout the day but I couldn't leave a message.  I kept hoping that something would stand out that would spur me on.  People tell me that I'll feel better.  And, I'm trying to believe them.  I tell everyone that I'm fine and then I smile.

I'm talking my meds and seeing my therapist but even there, I hold back.  I know that I shouldn't, but I'm not comfortable being a basket case.  Now, that I've written all this stuff, hopefully, it will be enough to get me out of this funk.


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## Cat Dancer (Aug 8, 2007)

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about your mom. You're in my thoughts. 

:hug: :hug:


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## Retired (Aug 8, 2007)

Jesse,

As you well know stressors are cumulative, so in a time when several stress provoking events occur, such as the passing of your mom, clearing her house, disposing of her belongings, uncooperative brother, looking after your own affairs, dealing with your own illness can become overwhelming.

The memory of your mother will never go away, but the pain of losing her does diminish with time.  In time we are consoled by the wonderful memories and thoughts that bring joyful memories.

During this difficult time, do you have anyone such as a close friend, a religious adviser or therapist who can give you the support you need?



> I surface talk with my husband because at times he can be short-tempered


.

Is your husband available as a source of support for you?


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## ladylore (Aug 8, 2007)

Hi Jesse910,

When I read your post all I could think of is "wow, you have done so much today" - you really have. 



> I'm simply going through the motions of getting up each day, getting my son up for day camp, going to work, going home. I do laundry, wash dishes, make beds, prepare dinner, take a shower, walk the dog, and play with the cats,



I am sorry to hear about your mom but there are many of us here for you to lean on. :hug:

Ladylore


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 8, 2007)

> I'm talking my meds and seeing my therapist but even there, I hold back. I know that I shouldn't, but I'm not comfortable being a basket case. Now, that I've written all this stuff, hopefully, it will be enough to get me out of this funk.



Why not try printing out your post above and taking it in with you to give to your therapist?


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## ThatLady (Aug 8, 2007)

Jesse, the loss of a family member is always so very difficult to bear. The grieving process is never easy for anyone, and it's certainly complicated when the stresses of dealing with all the daily matters associated with the passing of a loved one begin to pile up. Any stress can make things seem so much more difficult and bleak.

People process grief in different ways and in different time frames. When you're the one having to handle all the legal and practical matters, grief often gets put on the back burner. I'm really glad to hear you're getting therapy and medication to help you cope. It won't completely erase the pain, but it will help over time. The one very important thing to realize is that you're not a "basket case" because you're grieving. We all grieve when we experience loss, so don't hold back with your therapist. Let it all hang out. That's the best way to help the grieving process along. Your therapist will understand, and will find it much easier to help you if you'll just turn loose and let it all out. Remember this - if you weren't grieving, you'd be a pretty darned heartless so-and-so. It's obvious you're certainly not. You're a caring person who has lost someone much loved.

That said, as you continue along the path to healing, you'll find the pain will become less and the memories will become more dear. It's a difficult path, yes; however, it leads to a time when you will remember the joy, and the love. There will still be tears, but they will be more tears of thankfulness for the years you had with your mother and the wonderful times you shared. Hold that thought close, and believe in it. That's what's to come. :hug:


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## Jesse910 (Aug 8, 2007)

Wow.  I wasn't expecting so much support so quickly.  Thank you everyone who responded.  I'm am overwhelmed, but I will take David's advice and share my post with my therapist.  I just hope that I don't lose it in the process.  And yes, Steve, I do have priests that I can call as well as friends.  And, my husband is available.  I make things hard for me.  l took care of my mom for two years and no a day goes by that I don't retrace my steps and ask myself what more could I have done for her.  I know that this is added baggage that I don't need, but it's inside of me.  Coming here and reading other people's struggles and reading the responses is giving me strength.  I think it's time that I drop the mask.  Thanks again.


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## ThatLady (Aug 8, 2007)

Printing out your posts here and giving them to your therapist to read is an excellent plan, Jesse. Good luck to you! You're willing to make the effort to heal, and that - and time - is all it takes. :hug:


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## HA (Aug 8, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Jesse.

:grouphug:


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## rebecca8 (Aug 18, 2007)

Do you ever dream about your mom? I don't know if you believe this, but I truly think people and pets who have passed on visit us in our dreams. Also, I think you are doing a good job coping by talking to her, and talking to her dog. Animals are our teachers, and the most comfort we can ever ask for. You are not a  "basket-case." You have EVERY right to experience your loss.


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