# Fragility



## Shaymus (Dec 2, 2004)

Ive started coming out of a pretty ugly place recently. It lasted probably three days but felt like a month. Anyways now that im starting to pop back up im noticing the kids are annoying me much more than they used to. Like the oldest(20) reminded me the movies we rented are way over due and i got very irritated at her. Didnt say anything cause that isnt my way but it bugged me for several hours and started to crash me again(thoughts like why is she bugging me with this crap when i was planning my death 24 hours ago or like yes im so stupid i didnt realize movies we rented last month were now overdue).  Or listening to the constant bickering they go thru with each other or their boyfriends drives me insane too. This isnt something new, they have always been loud and like to fight a lot. Why is it sucking my will to live now?  Im sick of being so affected by people. Im getting very sensitive to them now too ive noticed. If they even start talking to me or i hear them i put my headphones on so i can escape.  Even just normal small talk gets me angry, i just want to be left alone.  Every little thing sets me off.  Is this normal to be so fragile after a particularly deep down? Are there things i can do other than hide from them til i feel better? Mainly i ask cause there is no such thing as hiding from them lol.


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## Daniel (Dec 2, 2004)

> Even just normal small talk gets me angry, i just want to be left alone.



Have you already told your kids you need to have some alone time? When I and my brother were in our late teens, sometimes my mother used to jokingly tell us she wasn't going to be in the mother role after 9 pm so that she could unwind from the day.


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 2, 2004)

Yes, it is normal, Shaymus. And, as Daniel says, you p[robably need to find a way to tell them that right now you are stressed out and struggling and that you need a bit of solitude and leeway from them -- basically, ask for their help in trying to avoid doing things that will increase your stress levels. 

If you were recovering from a heart attack or major high blood pressure or something like that, you probably would have already said something like this, or somebody else would have said it on your behalf. Don't be afraid to let other people in the house know what you need from them right now...

They might surprise you...


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## Shaymus (Dec 3, 2004)

It probably sounds sad but im scared their anger will direct at me if i say something that can be perceived as negative.  Ive felt that before and it wasnt any fun and nothing id like to purposely revisit.  I find it funny in a self depricating kind of way that me a 6'6" 29 year old male is afraid of 17 & 20 year old girls who might be 5'6 and 5'7 each and both maybe 100 lbs each.  I dont think they are bad kids even, just the polar opposite of me.  I was and am a loner and they are social butterflys and dont understand me as much as i dont understand them as they are cheerleader type people. 

One question i have is, Daniel, did it hurt to have mom say that? I dont want to hurt anyones feelings, or make someone feel like they are causing me stress when 90% of it is in my head i think. Part of that has to do with the future, i dont want either of them blaming themselves for me being a nutcase if i do something nutcasey.


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## ThatLady (Dec 3, 2004)

We must ask for what we need, Shaymus. Otherwise, people don't know what we need. They don't mean to offend, they just can't devine our needs. We have to tell them.

Tell the people around you that you're feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment and would appreciate their help and consideration during what is a hard time for you. If it's said with love, most times it will be accepted the same way. 

When the oldest noticed the rented movies were overdue, a good response might have been: "Well, darn! Why don't you run them back for me? I'm really not feeling all that well and that would really help me out. It's great you noticed!"

I think one of the problems we face is that we feel our needs and feelings aren't as important as other peoples' needs and feelings. If we stop to think about it logically, we're people, too.


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## Daniel (Dec 4, 2004)

> One question i have is, Daniel, did it hurt to have mom say that?


No, not at all.   We understood that she needed time alone to destress from the pressures of her job, etc.


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## Daniel (Dec 4, 2004)

> i put my headphones on so i can escape


All the music I am getting now from the new, legal, subscription-based Napster has really helped my mood.  I am listening to music now almost all the time when working.


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