# Everything wants me to die



## no point (Aug 28, 2010)

sorry for wasting time again but i just don't know what to do. i'm going away next week.
i stopped taking antidepressants. i'm on antipsychotics but i want to stop taking them too. they're not doing me any good. my psychiatrist is on vacation. she told me i could call her anytime but i don't trust her and i don't want her asking questions. she knows i've been OD'ing lately. 
i've never told this to anyone but everything wants me to die. i just need to do this but at the same time, i'm scared. but i need to listen to them. i need to OD tonight. i'm angry tthat i never take the right amount when i OD. i'm just confused.


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## forgetmenot (Aug 28, 2010)

*Re: everything wants me to die*

NO time for you to call pdoc your meds are not working fully  yet   No one wants you dead just you mind playing tricks again  you need to listen to doc okay call and keep communications open so you start feeling better.  You antidepressants you need to go back on them as your pdoc subscribed them for you    Pdoc can only help you if you are honest okay   you can trust pdoc over anyone you can trust her okay   Phone her now get  yourself back on the right track.


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## no point (Aug 28, 2010)

*Re: everything wants me to die*

what do i tell her tthough? i don't want to start back on the antidepressants. they make me eat all the time. i can't tell her everything wants me to die either because she's not going to believe me. how do i tell her? plus i'm a bit scared of calling her...


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## forgetmenot (Aug 28, 2010)

*Re: everything wants me to die*

Tell her what you told me that your antidepressant is not working they are making you eat too much   tell her you feel that everything wants you to die thats how you feel  She will be happy you trusted her and called her  she is not someone to fear okay  she wants to help you.  She may just increase your antpsychotic medication for you so those thoughts stop and start you on a different antidepressant one that does not increase her appetite  let her know what is happening to you so she can help you.  She won't be mad she will be happy you trusted her okay she will


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## no point (Aug 28, 2010)

*Re: everything wants me to die*

i called her but couldn't tell her everything. i heard other people in the background and i got scared. felt like they were listening. just told her i didn't want to take the antidepressants. she told me to increase the dose of my antispcyhotics instead. didn't prescribe me any antidepessants which is fine with me. i don't want to take them anyways. i'm still scared though. feel like i have to overdose again tonight.


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 28, 2010)

As Violet said, the statement "everything wants me to die" isn't true, not even close to being true. The only thing that wants you to die is your distorted thinking, the result of your mood disorder. Even you don't want you to die.

So let's use that as a starting point: The suicidal thoughts are nothing more than distorted thoughts caused by depression and anxiety. Where does that leave you? It leaves you with a mission - to start talking in clear terms to your doctors to give them a clear picture of your symptoms, and how severe those symptoms are, so that you can together find the correct treatment.

As an aside, consider the incredible inhernet illogical contradictions of your statements: "I want to die" vs. "I don't want to take medications that may cause weight gain".


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## forgetmenot (Aug 28, 2010)

Hey good for you calling your pdoc way to go  I am glad she increase your once medication that will help you not be so afraid way to go.  It will take awhile for increase to be affective so hang on okay stay here stay calm your did good it took alot of courage but you did it  you should be so proud of you okay .


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## no point (Aug 28, 2010)

it's nearly 7am here and i haven't slept so i might seem a bit incoherent. so anyways, violet and dr. baxter thanks for your replies. i'm feeling ok now.



David Baxter said:


> to start talking in clear terms to your doctors to give them a clear picture of your symptoms, and how severe those symptoms are, so that you can together find the correct treatment.



you're right about this. i can't really talk about my problems/symptoms to my psychiatrist, who is also my therapist. i don't really trust her. i tried trusting her and telling her stuff but i just can't. it wasn't like that with my former therapist. i could talk to her much more easily. so i'm thinking of just changing to another therapist. i don't know if i should though...



David Baxter said:


> As an aside, consider the incredible inhernet illogical contradictions of your statements: "I want to die" vs. "I don't want to take medications that may cause weight gain".



i don't understand what you mean by the above statement? could you please explain?


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 28, 2010)

> i don't understand what you mean by the above statement? could you please explain?


 
The distortion is that you feel so bad about life that at times you think you're ready to end it. But taking something that could relieve that despair might cause you to gain weight is out of the question?

My point was that a rational person would see suicidal despair as a more urgent situation, a higher priority than gaining a bit of weight. Not to mention the fact that weight gain is reversible; death is not.


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## Andy (Aug 29, 2010)

*Re: everything wants me to die*



no point said:


> what do i tell her tthough? i don't want to start back on the antidepressants. they make me eat all the time...



This is exactly what you tell her. There are medications that don't cause weight gain. Tell your doctor you want to work with her, if she will help you get on a medication that doesn't cause weight gain then you are more likely to stay on them. 
I have a deal with my doctor, and he adds a medication with another that counteracts the medication I am on that causes weight gain. 
I'm sure your doctor would be more than happy to try to accommodate. 
Just a suggestion. Sorry for jumping in.


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