# It's Not About The Nail



## GDPR (Jun 8, 2013)

I thought this was SO funny. Guys always think they can fix everything.All we really want is for them to listen to us.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 8, 2013)

I've seen this before but it is funny. Men don't listen to women and women are right to complain about that. This video also shows that often women don't listen to men either.

In relationships, too often both partners are more interested in talking than in listening, in continuing to push their own points of view instead of trying to understand (not necessarily agree with but just understand) the feelings and viewpoints of the other person.

So yes... men do too often want to fix instead of listening. But the irony in this video is that this time the woman's problems would indeed be resolved if she would stop to listen to what her partner is trying to point out to her.

"All my sweaters are snagged... I mean ALL of them..."


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## Budoaiki (Jun 10, 2013)

Heh, nice video. Illustrates the importance of empathy sometimes people just want to be heard even if the problem or the solution is um...in your face.


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## MHealthJo (Jun 11, 2013)

Hahaha... so awesome...

Am I weird? I think I can be pretty "mannish" in this way, with some people closest to me.

I've got a few people in real-life who could (and would, or used to) complain or need to 'be heard' LITERALLY ALL DAY EVERY DAY - I'm not kidding or exaggerating - about the same one or two things, until the day of death. If nobody acted 'mannish', they'd literally never see the nail nor consider the possibility of getting it out..... 

And I think I try to give the 'mannish' approach as a gift when I am sure that is happening with someone, because that was given to me a few times when I really needed it, and things would have carried on downhill for me, otherwise.

It is absolutely frustrating though, isn't it, when it's a time when you're sure what you need is womanishness, but you're getting mannishness.

I guess there's a right time for each. And it's probably a challenge to be really really good at both, and/or really really good at the best timing of each one. Even if you do get it just right, the other person might not think so.  And vice versa. 

Complicated.


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## br350 (Jun 12, 2013)

I agree with Dr. Baxter - great point!  In my opinion, I think women really expect and want to be understood, but don't always reciprocate.  And I'm a woman, so I see this in relationships I observe, at least some of the time.   I think because women tend to be more emotional creatures (outwardly), we often expect the same type of emotional reaction/response from men when what we need to do is hear them on their own terms, in the way that they are most comfortable communicating.  It's a lifelong process on both sides.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 12, 2013)

br350 said:


> I agree with Dr. Baxter - great point!  In my opinion, I think women really expect and want to be understood, but don't always reciprocate.  And I'm a woman, so I see this in relationships I observe, at least some of the time.   I think because women tend to be more emotional creatures (outwardly), we often expect the same type of emotional reaction/response from men when what we need to do is hear them on their own terms, in the way that they are most comfortable communicating.  It's a lifelong process on both sides.



On that last point, Gary Chapman has some interesting observations and suggestion on how people express love and affection in different ways, and how it is important for couples to recognize and adapt to this (both ways). See The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts: Gary D Chapman: 9780802473158: Amazon.com: Books.



> Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse?s primary love language?quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.
> 
> By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship.


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