# Not sure what to do.....



## morph19 (Sep 15, 2005)

This is a running thread in this and all post, apparently. This is my version:

My current girlfriend and I are having a bit of a rough patch. We recently expierenced a major difficulty and are working through it. However, my problem is that after we worked through it, I feel as if she is still trying to hurt or punish me for something I didn't do. One part (the most major one too) was that I was accused of running around and cheating on her while at work, while she was out of town.

Now, yes, I was lonely, but I love and respect her and want only to be with her, so, no, I didn't cheat and stayed faithful to her. She however is a slightly jealous type and got very mad very quickly without proof being presented. This has caused further problems to arise, such as her friendships with other guys has appeared again. Guys she once distanced herself from have become figures in her daily life again.

Now, while yes, I can be jealous, I restrict myself from being so, simply because it serves no use and it would make me look like she was before, no proff of any wrong doing. However, and here is my current problem, the relationship she has with these 'friends' is not one I find healthy. She is very mature and proper when she is in normal life and even more so with me, but when she goes out with these guys (one on one), she is a little less refined.

The most recent account she gave me, she and a guy I'll call "Andrew" went to a mall. She had a goodtime from what I heard, however, it was a less-then-mature time. She described them running around the mall with shopping carts, hitting walls, getting questioned by security guards, running from said guards, and just acting 'crazy' as she said.

Now, she is not an immature girl, but she is only 18 (19 in a few months). I found this to be a little disturbing and asked her why she found it neccessary to go out with other guys and act this way. She replied that she has a different relationship with them and it's not the same as ours. I then asked about perhaps trying to have that kind of fun with me before seeking it elsewhere, at which point she said I was unbelievable and hung up. I was not being rude or forceful.

I was just concerned and inquring about why she was so different with other people and why she was so against me seeing that side of her or doing things like that with me. Any idea? Is this as confusing as I believe it is?


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## morph19 (Sep 15, 2005)

This is a running thread in this and all post, apparently. This is my version:

My current girlfriend and I are having a bit of a rough patch. We recently expierenced a major difficulty and are working through it. However, my problem is that after we worked through it, I feel as if she is still trying to hurt or punish me for something I didn't do. One part (the most major one too) was that I was accused of running around and cheating on her while at work, while she was out of town.

Now, yes, I was lonely, but I love and respect her and want only to be with her, so, no, I didn't cheat and stayed faithful to her. She however is a slightly jealous type and got very mad very quickly without proof being presented. This has caused further problems to arise, such as her friendships with other guys has appeared again. Guys she once distanced herself from have become figures in her daily life again.

Now, while yes, I can be jealous, I restrict myself from being so, simply because it serves no use and it would make me look like she was before, no proff of any wrong doing. However, and here is my current problem, the relationship she has with these 'friends' is not one I find healthy. She is very mature and proper when she is in normal life and even more so with me, but when she goes out with these guys (one on one), she is a little less refined.

The most recent account she gave me, she and a guy I'll call "Andrew" went to a mall. She had a goodtime from what I heard, however, it was a less-then-mature time. She described them running around the mall with shopping carts, hitting walls, getting questioned by security guards, running from said guards, and just acting 'crazy' as she said.

Now, she is not an immature girl, but she is only 18 (19 in a few months). I found this to be a little disturbing and asked her why she found it neccessary to go out with other guys and act this way. She replied that she has a different relationship with them and it's not the same as ours. I then asked about perhaps trying to have that kind of fun with me before seeking it elsewhere, at which point she said I was unbelievable and hung up. I was not being rude or forceful.

I was just concerned and inquring about why she was so different with other people and why she was so against me seeing that side of her or doing things like that with me. Any idea? Is this as confusing as I believe it is?


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 15, 2005)

She is not quite 19. How old are you?


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 15, 2005)

She is not quite 19. How old are you?


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## morph19 (Sep 15, 2005)

I'm turing 25 in 2 months. I know I'm older, but our maturity level always seemed to be a match. She more then normal, me less than (but far from immature).


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## morph19 (Sep 15, 2005)

I'm turing 25 in 2 months. I know I'm older, but our maturity level always seemed to be a match. She more then normal, me less than (but far from immature).


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 16, 2005)

I was thinking that maybe she sees you and your relationship as more serious and sober and occasionally wants to "go crazy with the kids"...


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 16, 2005)

I was thinking that maybe she sees you and your relationship as more serious and sober and occasionally wants to "go crazy with the kids"...


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## morph19 (Sep 16, 2005)

I thought that over as well, but what makes this a diffferent situation is that this guy is one of her biggest ex's. He's been a part of her life on and off for years (6-7 to be more accurate). I just wory that she's spending more time with him because she may have unresovled feelings for him. She tells me not to worry and to trust her (which I do), it's just that I don't trust HIM. Or most guys that she befriends. Not because of jealousy, but because of the fact that most these guys end up hitting on her and making inappropriate advances, which leads to unwanted physical atttention.

She's too nice and forgiving to these guys and says, "They know it's not like that and that I don't like them in that way. They're sorry and they stopped. They are still my friends." I know that most of them have tried more then once (in some cases, serveral times). And it's not that they don't know about me, because they all do. They just seem to take any oppurtunity they can get. I'm getting to my wits end.


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## morph19 (Sep 16, 2005)

I thought that over as well, but what makes this a diffferent situation is that this guy is one of her biggest ex's. He's been a part of her life on and off for years (6-7 to be more accurate). I just wory that she's spending more time with him because she may have unresovled feelings for him. She tells me not to worry and to trust her (which I do), it's just that I don't trust HIM. Or most guys that she befriends. Not because of jealousy, but because of the fact that most these guys end up hitting on her and making inappropriate advances, which leads to unwanted physical atttention.

She's too nice and forgiving to these guys and says, "They know it's not like that and that I don't like them in that way. They're sorry and they stopped. They are still my friends." I know that most of them have tried more then once (in some cases, serveral times). And it's not that they don't know about me, because they all do. They just seem to take any oppurtunity they can get. I'm getting to my wits end.


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 16, 2005)

It sounds like you're wishing you could ask her to give up her friends to accomodate your jealousy. Even if that were to happen, it certainly wouldn't make for a healthy relationship and sooner or later she'd resent it.

There was a poster in the 60s: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If no, it was never yours to begin with."

I think perhaps seeing a counselor yourself to work on your jealousy and trust issues might be a very good idea.


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 16, 2005)

It sounds like you're wishing you could ask her to give up her friends to accomodate your jealousy. Even if that were to happen, it certainly wouldn't make for a healthy relationship and sooner or later she'd resent it.

There was a poster in the 60s: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If no, it was never yours to begin with."

I think perhaps seeing a counselor yourself to work on your jealousy and trust issues might be a very good idea.


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