# I feel like my time has ended



## no point (Aug 4, 2010)

This may be triggering to some!


I feel like it's my time to die. I feel like I don't have any choice in this. Looked at some suicide methods. There is this website where each method is explained and their certainty is rated as well. I can't resist from looking at that website. Most probably my family will be upset. I know that! I don't have any choice though. I have to do this. My time here has ended. I just feel like my soul has died already and it's just my body that has to die. I'm so angry these days. I'm making everyone mad. I keep arguing with people. Maybe it's for the best because they won't be too upset when I'm gone.


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## Retired (Aug 4, 2010)

> I feel like I don't have any choice in this



You always have choices, and suicide is always the wrong choice.  

What is it in your life that is causing these feelings?  

Do you have a therapist, family doctor, spiritual advisor or trusted friend or family member who can halp you during this difficult time?  Is there a crisis line you can call locally for support?



> Most probably my family will be upset.......Maybe it's for the best because they won't be too upset when I'm gone



Yes they would be upset, and that emotional devastation will last with them for months and years to come.  These people care about you and they are your reason for living.

You need to seek professional help either in your personal physician, or at your local hospital to deal with your feelings of despair.

These feelings are treatable, and the next step depends on you.

Will you promise to keep yourself safe until you can contact your doctor or another local resource to get help?


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## no point (Aug 4, 2010)

How do you know suicide is the wrong choice? What am I supposed to do if I have no other choice? I'm sick of feeling like this on and off. I already went to see my psychiatrist. We just talked for a bit. I'm not sure how talking is supposed to help. She told me I can call her if I want to but I don't really know what to say when I call her. I'm sorry but I honestly think death is the only way out.


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 4, 2010)

You feel that way because you're depressed. It only makes sense to you because you are in the grip of the distorted thinking, pessimism, gloominess, and hopelessness that characterizes depression. Hanging out at pro-suicide sites certainly isn't helping the situation either. What you'll find there are people who will normalize abnormal thinking, just like the pro-anorexia sites.

Are you on any medications currently? When did you last see your therapist?


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## Daniel (Aug 4, 2010)

> How do you know suicide is the wrong choice?



Over time, it gets easier to see how the depressed mind plays tricks on us.  When I have felt suicidal (especially in my early 20s), I saw my depression as uniquely bad -- that others with severe depression would get better but my depression was untreatable or would take so long to treat that it wouldn't be worth the wait.  Ruminating on such irrational thoughts (which seemed rational at the time) led to further catastrophic thinking. 

Also, feelings of impulsivity/urgency or anxiety are one clue that one is being temporarily overwhelmed with distressing signals from the brain.   In fact, anxiety can be a better predictor of suicide than hopelessness.  (Anxiety is by definition beyond a rational fear or concern.  And hopelessness is a symptom of depression, so much so that anyone with severe depression will almost certainly have suicidal thoughts at some point.)


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## no point (Aug 4, 2010)

I know I shouldn't be on these sites but I can't help it. I'm constantly thinking about death and I feel like I need to find a perfect method. I just feel like I have no other choice.

I'm on antipsychotics and I'm also on sleeping meds which are not working. I only have a psychiatrist that I will see every week for about 4 weeks. After that I'm moving to another country.

---------- Post added at 02:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:00 PM ----------




Daniel said:


> Over time, it gets easier to see how the depressed mind plays tricks on us.  When I have felt suicidal (especially in my early 20s), I saw my depression as uniquely bad -- that others with severe depression would get better but my depression was untreatable or would take so long to treat that it wouldn't be worth the wait.  Ruminating on such irrational thoughts led to further catastrophic thinking.
> 
> Also, feelings of impulsivity/urgency or anxiety are one clue that one is being temporarily overwhelmed with distressing signals from the brain.   In fact, anxiety can be a better predictor of suicide than hopelessness.  (Anxiety is by definition beyond a rational fear or concern.  And hopelessness is a symptom of depression, so much so that anyone with severe depression will almost certainly have suicidal thoughts at some point.)



What you are saying makes sense but I just don't want to live like this. I just don't see how I will get better.


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## Retired (Aug 4, 2010)

> I only have a psychiatrist that I will see every week for about 4 weeks



Then the best thing you can do for yourself is to pick up the phone and to call your psychiatrist right now.  Tell her you are feeling suicidal and ask for an appointment as soon as possible.

Your psychiatrist will know what questions to ask you, so wondering what to say should not be a reason to call.


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## Always Changing (Aug 5, 2010)

Hi No point,
I can relate very well to where you are at, I was there some time back,  I too believed that suicide was the only option open to me, in fact it made perfect sense to me that I would be better off out of this world, that those close to me would be better off. I couldn't have been more wrong.  It is so hard to see there IS another option when you are where you are now, its hard to even hear other people say that with help it will work out and that life can and does get better.  But I can tell you that it does get better.   I chose at the time (with help from the members here on this site) to ring up my psychiatrist and explain where I was at, ( it wasn't easy to do ) But I received the help I needed at the time and continue to do so,   and can now say that I am glad to still be here.  

I urge you to please ring your psychiatrist or present yourself to your nearest A & E and tell them very honestly where you are at.  They *will *help you get through this.


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## no point (Aug 5, 2010)

Thank you for your replies. I couldn't call my psychiatrist yesterday because it was late in my country and I didn't want to bother her when it was that late. I will try to call my psychiatrist today. I am very scared as I often find myself looking down from the balcony very tempted to jump. A part of me really wants to jump while a part of me is afraid. Can you help me with what to say to my psychiatrist? I have a hard time initiating conversations especially conversations about how I'm feeling.


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## Retired (Aug 5, 2010)

You are doing the right thing to contact your psychiatrist.  You might want to write down a few of your thoughts on paper to have handy when you speak to her, and just read what you have written.

The information you want to tell is is essentially what you have already written here:



> I am feeling hopeless, and am having thoughts about suicide.   I am very scared as I often find myself looking down from the balcony very tempted to jump. A part of me really wants to jump while a part of me is afraid.



Finish by saying, "I would like to see you as soon as possible, when could I have an appointment?"

I believe if you read that to your doctor, she should have enough information to continue the conversation.


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## no point (Aug 10, 2010)

I just wanted to update you on my appointment with my psychiatrist. I went to see her today and she gave me antidepressants (mirtazapine). Telling her about the suicidal thoughts and how I was feeling in general was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do! I'm not very good at talking about feelings and such but I managed. Hopefully the meds will start working soon. I also wanted to thank you for supporting me through this


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## Into The Light (Aug 10, 2010)

i'm really glad you did this for yourself. well done


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## Always Changing (Aug 10, 2010)

I am so glad to hear you were able to speak to your psych about how you have been feeling this past while.   Hopefully in a couple of weeks you will start to feel better with the help of the medication and also do continue to post here for support as you wait for the med to "kick in". 

Well done, you took a really big step in helping yourself to get better.  :hug:


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 10, 2010)

Thank you for the update, no point. Good luck with your treatment. Well done.


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## Retired (Aug 11, 2010)

No Point!

I would also like to thank you for letting us know about the support you received from your psychiatrist.  You have shown courage and determination, and with follow up with your doctor, hopefully the symptoms and the suicidal thoughts will get under control.

This experience could also demonstrate that if you have thoughts of suicide again, your best course of action would be to reach out for support. Others cannot read your mind, so you need to let others know you are in distress.  By doing so, you have made strides to regain control of your life.

Continue to keep us posted on your progress.


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## no point (Aug 18, 2010)

Sorry to start this thread again. I've been feeling unwell lately. Been struggling to cope. I'm seeing my psychiatrist regularly but I feel as if she thinks the stuff I tell her aren't important. I can't trust her anymore. She laughed at me yesterday when I was telling her about some stuff. I can't trust her. I burned myself yesterday. It was impusive. I just wasn't thinking. Then I took an OD. I think it was a small one. I've taken ODs before and I don't think I took that much this time. I don't exactly know how much I took though. And today I feel ok, just feeling a bit faint and sick tp my stomach. It could also be because of the antidepressants. She just upped the meds yesterday. But I just want to OD again. I'm sorry for starting this thread again. But I don't know what to do.


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 18, 2010)

First, are you certain she was laughing AT you? Was it possible she found something you said funny, even if it wasn't meant that way?

Please contact the psychiatirst again for a followup appointment and let her know how you are feeling.


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## no point (Aug 18, 2010)

I don't know. I'm due to see her next week anyway. I can't talk when I see her so I'm just thinking what's the use. I just sit there in silence. I really want to talk but I can't. I think it's because I don't trust her and thinking that she's laughing at me doesn't make it any easier. It's just hopeless.


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 18, 2010)

Print out this thread and give it to her when you go. It says what you want to tell her.


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## no point (Aug 18, 2010)

Thanks. I don't think she speaks english but I'll write down my thoughts and give it to her when I see her next week.


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