# i think about suicide...what i can do?



## lovely_mika (Apr 14, 2005)

Hi, 
I am Mélissa, deaf person, live alone at the apt. I just think to kill myself every day, i can't stop to think like it. it make me hurt and panic to think. and i have been see my psych for 4 years and have been change a lot with the sociel worker. now  i dont have any sociel worker. right now i feel very depressive and sad. i can't do anything righht now because i am alone and don't have enough money. i have a lot problem in my past and it is always in my brain, my flashback. i have been cut myself since i was 12 years old ( 22 years old now ) and i drink a lot volka with mixed with pills. i can't stop to feel sad, depressive and think about kill myself. i have been tried to kill myself a lot times, like 30 times ! but i am always alive. my family and my friends are beginning to tried of me, about my problems. i am very hurting that they leave me , make myself what i want to do with my life. they don't care what i did my life. i am shocking...i don't know what i can do? i am all alone, don't have any friends now and family....nothing.....i see my life is end now....it is end...i don't have any more to do in my life....i think to end my life because i don't like to feel hurt every day and do nothing.....i hate it...

thank you
Melissa


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## Jon (Apr 14, 2005)

Melissa,

Welcome to the forums.  Have you tried to locate a support group for the hearing impaired in your area?  I had a friend who's family members were all deaf, so they participated in a local support group.  I went along several times and met people.

From my experience, people who are hearing impaired are generally very kind and understanding people.  Meeting others and making friends could be a good start.

I was once suicidal.  The very thought of committing suicide adds to the depression, or at least it did for me at first.  I didn't have any friends and was alone in a small trailer home.  I know that the depression and suicidal feelings can be overcome.  I also know that it is easier if you have support of some kind, hence my suggestion for finding a support group for the hearing impaired.

I'm sure others here will offer you some good advice too.  Hang in there.


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## ThatLady (Apr 15, 2005)

Jon's idea is an excellent one. A local support group for the hearing impaired could help you reach out and make friends with others who understand what it's like to be deaf. Yet, you have to make the effort to find a group to join. They can't know you need their help if you don't tell them.


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## HA (Apr 15, 2005)

Welcome Mellisa!

Have you ever seen a psychologist? There is a psychologist in ON who works with those who are deaf. I forget her name and can't access the site with the article that was written about her. I'll post the article when the site is working. Remind me if I forget. 

Do you have access to a crisis support line that uses TDY? I could not find one in your area but will keep searching if you don't have one.

Here are some resources that may be helpful to you: 

Australian Site
http://www.qds.org.au/mental_health/MH_Info/qds_mhanddeafness.php

Possible Support Group 
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/healthy_deaf_minds/

British Society for Mental Health & Deafness
http://www.bsmhd.org.uk/ncmhd.htm

Mental Health & Deafness International
http://mhdeafintl.gallaudet.edu/directory.html


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## HA (Apr 15, 2005)

Hi Mellisa,

Here is a national line. What is the difference between TDY and TTY?

TTY - National Hotline
1-800-448-1833


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## lovely_mika (Apr 18, 2005)

*yeah...but...*

Hi 
thank you for all of your infos, i have been try to connect with anybody for help me for have a psych who can help me. but right now, i am tried to try, try and try and don't work, never. Tonight, i want kill myself but my brain make me blur, douht, confused. when i am ready to kill myself, i am thinking all of the images who show me in my visions too fast, i can't think serious, i leave alone, not kill myself. i try to think to clear but my feelings are really high now, like rage, high depression, cry every day, hurt all of times. i am sick of it. 

anyways, i have been try get better since my last hoptail , last year, all of this year is very hard, i am very patient always, try to brave and try to feel happy. always try but my feelings don't go away. 

Melissa


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 18, 2005)

Melissa, if things get very dark for you, go to emergency. I know that's not a very attractive option for most people but they will make sure someone is assigned to follow up with you and that may be one way to get a referral to a psychiatrist.


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## ^^Phoenix^^ (Apr 24, 2005)

David, is that the general rule in most countries... do you know? I never knew that to be an option.


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 24, 2005)

I really don't know. I would say this is probably true in the UK because they too have a giovernment medical system. I would suspect it is true in other countries with universal medical care.

In the US, I really don't know how it works...


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## ThatLady (Apr 24, 2005)

It's true in the US, as well. If you really feel suicidal, and feel that your life is in danger by your own hand, go to the Emergency Room of any hospital.


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## Jaine (May 7, 2005)

lovely_mika, 
I'm really sorry life isn't going too well for you right now... but please hold on this is just a hiccup in the journey and you will get over it. I find that when i feel like killing myself I write down what i feel, then why i feel it, and what i can do to stop myself doing anything eg. write a journal, go for a walk, dance to my fav cd anything to keep you safe and from hurting yourself i use this also for when i get the urge to self harm. It might sound a little useless but it does work. Futhermore going to the emergancy room at your local hospital is a good option they can support you and get in contact with others who can give you the help you need. Your family still love you and care about you but they might be stuck as to what to do to help you, can you tell them what you need? What you want from them? It might seem as though everyone is leaving you but they're not, some times people need to walk away for a while before they say or do something rash, or take time out for their own well being. I'm sure that they love you and want you to be happy again and will do anything they can to help you. Please keep safe and if you feel you can't go to the emergancy room right away!
Take care


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