# When one can't disconnect



## forgetmenot (Nov 19, 2011)

it never leaves this pain inside  it never leaves   fear always there  when one cannot disconnect from past  when all the dam fears come back  one knows nothing is going to change   not for a long while   

  I can't disconnect   and i don't know how to move forward  the fear where is she where is she

    the thoughts  the pain  i can't disconnect    i cant call crisis line  i know no one can help me

I'm tired of fighting this  im tired  disconnect  the only way to disconnect from all of this  is one way  

I'm tired   i wish i could pick up the phone call crisis line but i cant do that.

  i call my t left msg but it is Saturday I'm so tired  i am to take care of me but i can't   sorry   i just wish i could disconnect


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## Daniel (Nov 19, 2011)

*Re: when one can't disconnect*

Some reminders:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/depression/24660-challenging-your-hopelessness.html

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/coping-strategies/24733-challenging-your-rumination.html

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-...-deal-with-difficult-emotions.html#post196402

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/dialecti...-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt-skills.html


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## Budoaiki (Nov 19, 2011)

*Re: when one can't disconnect*

Hi Eclipse,

If I may, perhaps disconnecting isn't the right path maybe you need to connect those things and accept that in spite of them you are still trying to move forward and although you may not have the means at this time you are looking for them and that is not something to be undervalued.

I've tried to escape the pain in my past but I found I was running from myself and in spite of what I have been through I like who I am and I am trying to better my life. 

It seems to me like most people you are trying to better your life in spite of the pain inflicted upon you, so maybe you should re-think how you want to do that and what that really means to you.


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## forgetmenot (Nov 20, 2011)

*Re: when one can't disconnect*

thanks Daniel and Budoaiki 

    i don't know how to separate i've tried and still am trying

I will talk to T again

  Better today everyone safe now  i can breath again

  I just don't want to do something stupid that will take me away  when i am in that state   as i grow too tired really to fight the issues to attack the problems

   I can just be grateful that this time i was able to hold on yet again until the situation was resolved.

  Each time it just gets harder and my will to continue gets less.


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## Yuray (Nov 22, 2011)

I can't say anything that will alleviate your present pain, but I can offer this: You have not yet recovered from, or processed your brothers suicide. If you take the same course, others may feel the same way you do now, and for the same reasons. If nothing else, put your present momentary impulses aside, and consider those who love you. Do you think you can do that? You have displayed great resilience in the past, call on it now and listen to the responses to this post, as we are not burdened with your pain, and we have clarity.


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 22, 2011)

I wish I had the right words to help. Thinking of you.


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## forgetmenot (Nov 22, 2011)

i wish i had the freedom to chose i really do but in the core of me i know i cannot harm others with my action i just have to hold on for them.
 i know i have to keep that thought always  don't harm them  by leaving  it has kept me here it has been the only thing that has kept me here.
I am just taking o ne day at a time and praying i get through it without too much pain or triggers 
thanks for all your responses  i willl continue to try to fight each day as it comes.


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## JennyS (Nov 23, 2011)

It is fortunate that you can express your self on this forum.
Keep it coming.
It will make a difference for you and for others in this situation.

Seems like you are a caring person and I am sorry you have to be in this emotional place.


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## forgetmenot (Nov 23, 2011)

thanks  iwill be okay somehow.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 20, 2011)

Noone   can get me to understand how people in power harm so much  with their words  why can't they see the damage they cause why  why  i hate me partially because of them i do i hate them all


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## AmZ (Dec 20, 2011)

Did you meet with your therapist this week yet? 

Please look after yourself. 

Feel good.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 20, 2011)

i phoned my therapist i have appt tomorrow  sorry


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## AmZ (Dec 21, 2011)

Don't be sorry. 

Good luck for your appointment. I hope that you can get some stuff sorted out with your therapist. 

Take care.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 21, 2011)

Take care AmZ


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## AmZ (Dec 21, 2011)

Good luck for your appointment. Thanks.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 22, 2011)

i do not want to stay   i should not have uh gone back to all that pain   My T is gone now for a  month  and  with each trigger i seem to have less energy  less control  i am heading for a major breakdown  i know that now  i have had one melt down  i just don't want to be here  i don't want people remembering me like that  like that nothing  i can't even call anyone now  there is no one that would understand as i am not able to tell them  hell not able to even understand it all myself   i just know i cry to dam easily for no dam reason and i just want a way out  and there is  no door opened  nor will there ever be.


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## Cat Dancer (Dec 22, 2011)

Did your therapist give you a number of someone to call in her place?


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## forgetmenot (Dec 22, 2011)

no there is noone to call but that okay  i know they cannot do anything  it has to be me i wish i could keep me together


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## Cat Dancer (Dec 22, 2011)

Well, we are here for you. I am here.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 22, 2011)

Thanks Cat Dancer  for your care and understanding hugs to you


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## Cat Dancer (Dec 22, 2011)

Hugs back. I sure can use all the hugs I can get right now.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 23, 2011)

I know hun just read your post  this time year is so hard hun i do understand    so tons of hugs okay for you  and your little ones hugs:friends:somehow we will get through this okay we will

---------- Post added December 23rd, 2011 at 12:19 AM ---------- Previous post was December 22nd, 2011 at 07:59 PM ----------

took new medication took whole pill  of xanax not a half like before  i was sleep tonight now   i need to sleep


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## AmZ (Dec 23, 2011)

I'm here too E


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## forgetmenot (Dec 23, 2011)

Thanks AmZ  well tired today  a guess a bit of a hangover from the medication  it is so new my body not use to that dose yet  but hey i slept alarm clock did not even wake me up   my girl did  took her to her volunteer work now i think i will sleep some more  got till noon to rest up   i guess med is good in its place  hugs


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## AmZ (Dec 24, 2011)

*hugs*


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