# contemplating suicide



## anthony todd (Jun 26, 2005)

To whomever may be concerned,

I am writing this today on this forum I guess as an attempt to find a valid answer to the question "why shouldnt I just end it now and be done with it?

Yes, I do suffer from depression and I take meds for it but my depressive circumstances are beyond what meds can do.

I am a 45 year old single white male, never married, no kids, a renter, no savings, just started a 401K last month, I have two jobs with a gross annual income last year of $30,000.00 and i have a student loan debt of $87,000.00 which was only $28,000.00 when it originated between 1987-1991. Since then Ive never really been able to make payments on these loans from lack of money. Now to make a long story short and to the point.

As I have been told over and over again over the years, you can not file a bankruptcy on student loans UNLESS you can show HARDSHIP. (Hardship to the U.S Government is you are dead, a vegitable or limbless, that basically their only criteria of a hardship.) In a last ditch effort I went through the Minnesota federal court bankrupsy documents and found an attorney who indeed trialed a case identical to mine less than a year ago.....she won the case. I went to see her the other day where she informed me that she did win the case but the U.S. Government filed an appeal and they won. She said "I got my ass kicked" and refused to take my case. She told me there was nothing I can do except get on an income contingent payment program with the U.S Department of education. How this works is they come up with a payment amount based on your current income that THEY feel you can pay.  That is what you pay monthly untill the loan is paid off or 25 years has passed. In order to get a payment I will realalistically be able to afford over the next 15-20 years, I will have to quit my part time job to lower my income which will hurt me immediaetly.  After 25 years, any  balance left unpaid gets written off, but it becomes a tax liability as untaxed income. Of course Ill be 70 years old when that happens and the balance will be hundreds of thousands of dollars because of interest. The government will also take 10% of my social security payments as well. This is FACT my friends.

Bedsides the student loan issue, I have a miniscule family life, a miniscule social life, I havent dated in about six years because woman my age want to know why I dont own a home and what my finances are so a seriouse long term relationship is probably out of the question  Needless to say I am miserable, lonly, bored with my life and it it looks as if its only going to get worse. I feel I have nothing to look forward to and I feel like I would just rather end it now.

I have no intention of hurting anyone other than myself and I really cant think of a good reason why I shouldnt just end it now. Im all ears for anyone who has a comment.

Sincerely,

Anthony


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## anthony todd (Jun 26, 2005)

To whomever may be concerned,

I am writing this today on this forum I guess as an attempt to find a valid answer to the question "why shouldnt I just end it now and be done with it?

Yes, I do suffer from depression and I take meds for it but my depressive circumstances are beyond what meds can do.

I am a 45 year old single white male, never married, no kids, a renter, no savings, just started a 401K last month, I have two jobs with a gross annual income last year of $30,000.00 and i have a student loan debt of $87,000.00 which was only $28,000.00 when it originated between 1987-1991. Since then Ive never really been able to make payments on these loans from lack of money. Now to make a long story short and to the point.

As I have been told over and over again over the years, you can not file a bankruptcy on student loans UNLESS you can show HARDSHIP. (Hardship to the U.S Government is you are dead, a vegitable or limbless, that basically their only criteria of a hardship.) In a last ditch effort I went through the Minnesota federal court bankrupsy documents and found an attorney who indeed trialed a case identical to mine less than a year ago.....she won the case. I went to see her the other day where she informed me that she did win the case but the U.S. Government filed an appeal and they won. She said "I got my ass kicked" and refused to take my case. She told me there was nothing I can do except get on an income contingent payment program with the U.S Department of education. How this works is they come up with a payment amount based on your current income that THEY feel you can pay.  That is what you pay monthly untill the loan is paid off or 25 years has passed. In order to get a payment I will realalistically be able to afford over the next 15-20 years, I will have to quit my part time job to lower my income which will hurt me immediaetly.  After 25 years, any  balance left unpaid gets written off, but it becomes a tax liability as untaxed income. Of course Ill be 70 years old when that happens and the balance will be hundreds of thousands of dollars because of interest. The government will also take 10% of my social security payments as well. This is FACT my friends.

Bedsides the student loan issue, I have a miniscule family life, a miniscule social life, I havent dated in about six years because woman my age want to know why I dont own a home and what my finances are so a seriouse long term relationship is probably out of the question  Needless to say I am miserable, lonly, bored with my life and it it looks as if its only going to get worse. I feel I have nothing to look forward to and I feel like I would just rather end it now.

I have no intention of hurting anyone other than myself and I really cant think of a good reason why I shouldnt just end it now. Im all ears for anyone who has a comment.

Sincerely,

Anthony


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## Meagan (Jun 26, 2005)

Anthony,

I know that you're feeling really bad right now but I think you took the first positive step by coming and posting on this site.  You mentioned that you were on meds already, do you have a therapist or doctor you could talk to?  I'm relatively new here and I find being able to chat with other people or finding a group in my area where I can share some of my problems and concerns really help me.  

When I get down in the dumps I can't see anything positive if I close myself off to other people.  Maybe you could contact your doctor and discuss this with him and maybe he knows of some groups that gather in your area.


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## Meagan (Jun 26, 2005)

Anthony,

I know that you're feeling really bad right now but I think you took the first positive step by coming and posting on this site.  You mentioned that you were on meds already, do you have a therapist or doctor you could talk to?  I'm relatively new here and I find being able to chat with other people or finding a group in my area where I can share some of my problems and concerns really help me.  

When I get down in the dumps I can't see anything positive if I close myself off to other people.  Maybe you could contact your doctor and discuss this with him and maybe he knows of some groups that gather in your area.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 26, 2005)

That's good advice. Medication alone is rarely enough to alter the pessimistic hopeless thinking that is symptomatic of major depression.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 26, 2005)

That's good advice. Medication alone is rarely enough to alter the pessimistic hopeless thinking that is symptomatic of major depression.


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## Daniel (Jun 26, 2005)

If you have problems finding people with your same interests, you may want to try one of the free, online friendship networks like Friendster.com or MeetUp.com.



> ...bored with my life...


What about hobbies, personal projects, books you haven't read, music you haven't heard yet, etc.?   These things can be a positive, calming distraction even if they don't provide much pleasure. (Rhapsody is where I get all my music, and they provide 25 free music downloads a month.)


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## Daniel (Jun 26, 2005)

If you have problems finding people with your same interests, you may want to try one of the free, online friendship networks like Friendster.com or MeetUp.com.



> ...bored with my life...


What about hobbies, personal projects, books you haven't read, music you haven't heard yet, etc.?   These things can be a positive, calming distraction even if they don't provide much pleasure. (Rhapsody is where I get all my music, and they provide 25 free music downloads a month.)


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## HA (Jun 27, 2005)

Anthony,

Welcome to the site! I know the frustration of being "old" and still paying student loans. I'm in that same situation at the age of 48. 

Have you considered seeing a financial counsellor?

Have you considered sharing an apartment or sharing a house with a group fo people? This would cut your finacial costs down and also provide some protection from loneliness.

If being married is something that you really want to do then it needs to be at the top of your priority list. Not all women are interested in a partner because of their house, money or other material possesions.

Let us know if any of our ideas would be helpful for you at all.


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## HA (Jun 27, 2005)

Anthony,

Welcome to the site! I know the frustration of being "old" and still paying student loans. I'm in that same situation at the age of 48. 

Have you considered seeing a financial counsellor?

Have you considered sharing an apartment or sharing a house with a group fo people? This would cut your finacial costs down and also provide some protection from loneliness.

If being married is something that you really want to do then it needs to be at the top of your priority list. Not all women are interested in a partner because of their house, money or other material possesions.

Let us know if any of our ideas would be helpful for you at all.


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## Daniel (Jun 27, 2005)

Even if you can't get a mortgage from a bank, you can still own your own home, especially if you can find home owners that will provide their own mortage financing.  This is advertised as "will finance," etc.   Often, the home owners that provide financing had bought the home as a real estate investment. 



> Not all women are interested in a partner because of their house, money or other material possesions.



Exactly.  

Even if most women care too much about finances, that may just mean that you need to date more, not less, so that you can weed out such less-than-true-love types.


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## Daniel (Jun 27, 2005)

Even if you can't get a mortgage from a bank, you can still own your own home, especially if you can find home owners that will provide their own mortage financing.  This is advertised as "will finance," etc.   Often, the home owners that provide financing had bought the home as a real estate investment. 



> Not all women are interested in a partner because of their house, money or other material possesions.



Exactly.  

Even if most women care too much about finances, that may just mean that you need to date more, not less, so that you can weed out such less-than-true-love types.


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