# Stopping a friendship



## redstar (Oct 24, 2005)

I feel like sometimes I'm in self-destruct mode.  In the last week I have stopped a friendship with someone that called me their best friend.  I got tired, I got sick of the games.  Time and time again I told him that I didn't want to hear the negative things that people say about me but then he kept telling me.  He shows me the _<admin edit: specific methods mentioned>_ in case he decides he wants to kill himself.  It all just got so much, that I thought how many times have I talked to him about this and am again in an abusive situation. He kept ringing and ringing.   He doesn't seem to want to help himself.  I have been a loving friend to him, I have been there for him when so many haven't and told him how great he was.  He just ended up thinking that there must be something wrong with me since I was the only one that thought that.

 I suffer from dissociation and self injure, it got too, too much.  I felt like the best thing to do was to write him a letter saying I didn't want to see him anymore.  Now, I feel just hideous.  I hate this.  I need to move forward but I don't know how.  I do still care about him.  What would you do  when talking over and over again with someone doesn't seem to change a situation at all and you feel that the person is acting in such an abusive way? Please help.


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 24, 2005)

You've probably done what you need to do. If his negativity is creating additional stress anmd distress for you, and he has ignored your attempts to withdraw from these topics of conversation, in the end you must take care of yourself.


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## redstar (Oct 24, 2005)

I just feel pretty bad because I think I could have handled the situation better.  All I seemed to feel was an overwhelming impulse to get him out of my life for good.  Now I just feel for having let down someone that I was supposed to have been a friend to. Its that debate of whether to be straight with someone and say you no longer want a friendship or just avoiding their calls until they some sort of message.  I'm afraid now that having cut people out of my life that were abusive I will no longer have any one there.


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## ThatLady (Oct 24, 2005)

Friendships, hon, are two-way streets. You have been a friend to him, but he has been less of a friend to you. We don't swamp our friends in negativity. We support them with positive thoughts and useful suggestions. We support them by being there for them, not using them as nothing more than sounding boards for our own problems. It's a share and share alike kinda thing, ya know.

Sounds to me like you've made the right decision. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll not be able to be there for true friends.


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## redstar (Oct 25, 2005)

Thanks David and thatlady, your responses have been so supportive.  now just a matter of getting having let someone go.  I guess its that grieving process.  Requires more courage and self-belief now to hold firm on my decision than it seemed to take to stop the friendship.  Thats seems always much easier for me in a way for I am most prone to the old pushing away for some protection.


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