# The Struggles Never End...



## insideiamdying (Feb 7, 2012)

Just spent a week in lockup... and although I am home... I still can't shake the feelings of suicide... I just can't see any reason to really live... I rather just the world stop and let me off... Isn't there a happy pill...

Tariki...


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 7, 2012)

Are you currently in therapy? Are you taking any prescribed medications?


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## insideiamdying (Feb 7, 2012)

I see a therapist weekly now... and a psychiatrist every 8 weeks... I am on 800mg of Seroquel... 300 mg of Trazadone... 1 to 3mgs of  Ativan daily... Citalopram 40mg daily... not counting drugs for health issues or hormones...

Tariki...


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 7, 2012)

Okay. You need to ensure that both your therapist and your psychiatrist are kept informed about your suicidal thoughts. Medication cannot do all the work but it may be that some adjustments to your medications are needed and you need to talk about ways to manage the suicidal thoughts when they occur so you do not act on them.


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## insideiamdying (Feb 7, 2012)

Why didn't they do that that when I was at the Lighthouse... and if i come forward to them I am really struggle they will lock me up again... and I don't think it will do anything in the end... been fighting this for years...and if i tell an old friend... post a note on Facebook everyone just hopes its a phase... just words... i don't thing anyone really reads my poetry... 

Tariki...


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 7, 2012)

insideiamdying said:


> Why didn't they do that that when I was at the Lighthouse...



I don't know what "the Lighthouse" is but if it's an emergency care or  crisis facility they may not have been equipped to do long-term therapy -  rather, their job may be to attempt to stabilize you and discharge you  to followup with your regular therapists and physicians.



insideiamdying said:


> and if i come forward to them I am really struggle they will lock me up again...



No, that's not necessarily true at all. Thinking about suicide is almost chronic for certain mental disorders or conditions but your regular therapists should be able to do a risk assessment and they will not necessarily have you hospitalized again. They may ask you to agree to certain conditions and monitor your status  on an ongoing basis.



insideiamdying said:


> and I don't think it will do anything in the end... been fighting this for years...and if i tell an old friend... post a note on Facebook everyone just hopes its a phase... just words... i don't thing anyone really reads my poetry...



Your friends are not and cannot be your therapist. Poetry is often personal and of limited interest to others except perhaps yourself and your therapists. And Facebook is not a fitting or useful place to talk about whether or not you are feeling suicidal.

Tariki...


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## Daniel (Feb 7, 2012)

> and I don't think it will do anything in the end...



http://forum.psychlinks.ca/depression/24660-challenging-your-hopelessness.html


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## forgetmenot (Feb 7, 2012)

Hi just want you to know i hear you okay  and it is hard to have these thoughts continually in your mind.  I do agree your therapist needs to be told hun  as the therapist will be the one that can help change that thought pattern  but only if he or she knows what is happening.   You doctor pdoc that is  can adjust your medication as stated as well.
I know you see no hope hun  but i can say is that i too have thoughts like you do  and with therapy they are now less   with a new medication as well i am not as impulsive not as you say so sad so deep with emotional pain.    Please keep the lines of communication open to all who are helping you hun okay  and leave your friends out of this as they do understand they do not have the skills to help you     Keep us posted okay .   Let us know how therapy is going    I just want you to know there is hope  i know you don't see it but there is  and with time and treatment  your thoughts will not always be where they are now   hugs.


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## insideiamdying (Feb 7, 2012)

Thanks Eclipse... I don't know how to respond... But I understand...


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## forgetmenot (Feb 7, 2012)

NO need to respond hun just hope it all goes well with your therapy


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## insideiamdying (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm so sad... I can't stop crying... I can't move...I don't want to continue this insanity...


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## Daniel (Feb 8, 2012)

It may help to change your environment, e.g. take a walk outside or even just sit outside.  One way of looking at depression is that it is a "pathology of space" -- people who are depressed tend to withdraw from social places and stay home.  



> I can't move...



Or does it just feel that way?


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## jodijaye (Feb 8, 2012)

Please know we are here for you!You are loved and appriecated...

---------- Post added at 07:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:40 PM ----------

Crying releases toxins  so let it out....I find if i eat wrong i get low energy and sad.Try eating energy foods.lol


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## forgetmenot (Feb 9, 2012)

Hi again  tears let the dam tears fall okay  just let all that pain out of you
  You just seem so afraid hun so overwhelmed 
 You will be ok  you just have to learn to breath in those moments you feel you can 't move.
     I take in a deep breath and i hold it then i let it out slowly  it helps okay  it gives you that feeling you have control.
  I am sorry you are feeling so sad hun  it is so hard i know
    The thing is  although you feel alone you not now okay  you can talk here to us  you can pm me i will understand and i promise you i will never judge you.
   IT is just emotions hun just an emotion so don't let it take you away okay  breath through it next time
   Hope you and your therapist can go over a technique to help you when you get frozen like that.
YOu keep posting hun  we are listening okay  you will be ok  you have professional help now  hugs


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## jodijaye (Feb 10, 2012)

suicide is a permant solution to a temporary situation...it stops your very soul from learning what your here for,and to maybe repeat same horrors over and over,I dont know i just think there is a way out of how you feel and what can be...please let time answer that,,,


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