# I want to give up (or, part of me does)



## braveheart (Sep 1, 2006)

Re my thread in general support and advice for info about what's going on.

I want to give up.

I just feel so pushed aside, invalidated. like my pain's not real.

how can the psychiatrist totally ignore my main cause of distress in my diagnosis.

how can he have totally paid no attention whatsoever to my hyper-vigilance and anxiety and startledness? 
I told him enough times.
he had my life history.

and then even my GP is wary of including anxiety.

I know official labels shouldn't mean as much. (at least I'm not diagnosed borderline. because I do have traits, but the worst of that has passed now, with therapy very focused on my emotional regulation.)
I've even not self harmed in a year. I can contain my distress without hurting myself physically.

But I feel so very very alone.

what's the point?


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## Halo (Sep 1, 2006)

HB

I know that you feel alone and that the diagnosises are all messed up and your gp won't include anxiety but if in your heart you know that this is a problem or issue for you than that is all that matters. You know your body and mind better than anybody else.

There is a point to what we are all trying to accomplish and that is to get a handle on our feelings and expresss them in a constructive way that is non harmful to ourselves and others and to move past them.  I believe that we will get there someday with a lot of hard work and patience and there definitely is a purpose to what we are doing.

Please take care and remember that you are never alone as you have a family here waiting for you.....always.

:hug:


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## braveheart (Sep 1, 2006)

thank you Nancy.

it feels with what my GP said (and I thought she understood...)that part of me is missed out when I see her. that I can no longer talk about why my dissociative flashbacks and anxiety attacks happen. (the first step to healing them, I would have thought....) especially I am scared of men...and that is not just anxiety because I'm depressed.
I'm depressed because I am anxious all the time.
I am 36, and cannot ever imagine being 40. 
I'm not suicidal, but there is part of me that says (and I think this must be a child state feeling as its not logical at all) I would prefer being run over by a bus to being trapped in a room full of people.


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## Halo (Sep 1, 2006)

I know for myself that my gp is not good when it comes to dealings with psychological/psychiatric issues and usually just refers patients to others.  He doesn't really even listen that well and therefore I know the feeling of not being heard as sad as it is.     

I think that once you get back into seeing your therapist on Monday and after a session or two you will be back in the groove of feeling and knowing what you need to talk about. I think things will become much clearer and you just need to hold on until Monday....gather all your support that you can and remember that we are here for you day or night.

As for your comment about the bus....that hit home with me for particular reasons and I can relate completely 

I don't know if anything that I am saying is helping but I just want you to know that I am here for you to support you anyway I can

Take care :hug:


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## braveheart (Sep 1, 2006)

thanks Nancy,

yes, you are helping. it helps me to feel seen and heard. 

I am lucky in many ways as my GP is very supportive.
and now I feel totally disappointed.

but you are right....come Monday and seeing my therapist again, I can start putting the pieces of myself back together again....


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## texasgirl (Sep 1, 2006)

Braveheart, I have found over the years that my primary care doctors (or any other medical doctors) have not been all that helpful in understanding my psych diagnoses, too.  To the point where sometimes I just leave out the fact that I have been treated for bipolar illness (and never even mention PTSD) for years because I have found that it works just the opposite - they then sort of ignore the physical problem that I went to them for, attributing it to the "mental" illness and have missed unrelated and equally real physical diagnoses.  Maybe it would help to just realize that their training really hasn't been all that good in a lot of cases in recognizing or understanding how the mind and body are connected.  Not to say that it doesn't stop us from wishing they were better at it!


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## ThatLady (Sep 1, 2006)

Some doctors who don't specialize in psychiatry or psychology have some understanding of the subject. Other's don't. Your GP may well be one of the latter. If that's true, then you need to depend on your therapist to address the emotional end of things and let the GP deal with the physical stuff.

I can understand your feelings completely. Yet, at least you have your therapist to turn to. Even if a name can't be given to some of the symptoms you're experiencing, you're still experiencing them. Sometimes, it seems, we have symptoms that can fall into more than one category. I think, perhaps, the doctors pick the one that fits the best. That doesn't mean, necessarily, that they're ignoring the other symptoms. They probably just feel that the treatment they're giving will help with all of it.


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## texasgirl (Sep 1, 2006)

You are so right.  I think that the good news is that doctors coming out of training now have much more actual training in dealing with the physical symptoms associated with psychiatric illness so that they can treat the "whole" person.


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## Halo (Sep 1, 2006)

You are lucky BH that your gp is so supportive but yet just because they are supportive does not necessarily mean that they know or even understand psychiatric illnesses.  Support is great but for real understanding and knowledge in this area your best bet is probably still your therapist who is trained in this area.

I know for me that I have come to expect that I will get support from my gp for whatever I need but I will not get any real understanding of my psychiatric conditions.  

It must be hard and I can only say that my heart goes out to you but as your name suggestions.....you have a brave heart.

Take care :hug:


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## braveheart (Sep 2, 2006)

thank you so much for your support and kind words..it means a lot to me....


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## momof5 (Sep 6, 2006)

braveheart said:


> ~be gentle with yourself, you just need some time to heal~



Hi Braveheart, I had to quote your sig line for you. I think that this says it all.

Let the portion of you that wishes to give up, look at what you have under your postings. Its a good strong sig line.


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