# The fight



## Ashley-Kate (Nov 2, 2012)

Smile, look pretty, don't forget too put my make-up on, smile again, "how are you doing" "great" lie.... smile again.... 

For the past 2 months i would say i have been a robot fallowing the rules in my head to avoid conversation human contact pity, or even care from anyone, I can't take it anymore i can't take the words, it' will be okay, or stay strong or there is still hope..  I know a criteria for depression and suicidality is exactly that the feeling there is no solution yet i am also very realistic without trying to deny the hole depression causes me to feel helpless i can't stress this enough... there is none.   

My doctor informed me last week during my weekly appointment that he can't help me anymore.. hes about the 8th family or general Dr. in my life that has given up on me.  My psychologist is looking into another treatment option possible for me to transfer me as well i don't even remember how many transfers happened with psychologist, my depression worsens i lose the therapy my e-d worsens i loose the therapy again. .. he hasn't found anything yet.. there is no program in Montreal that treats both eating disorders and depression with anxiety and PTSD anything with eating disorders is basically specialized in only eating disorders and as soon as another disorder is present they transfer you therefore losing the eating disorder treatment. I have been in the treatments and i have looked into everything in Montreal that exists.  How is it that i am supposed to believe when they don't believe anymore.. 

they just don't want my life in their hands when i can't take it anymore.  they are panicking and all transferring me because they see time is running out. And the more people drop me the more i lose hope. People see E-D for over 14 years , then they seem OCD with sever anxiety, PTSD, Depression and self injury,  they have basically already decided helpless. I have been unable to work for the past 6 months at least.  i am tired and i want to be able to transfer myself out of this all everyone else can do it.. i am sick of it all... i see my shrink next week like every week i will be there on time but the thing is i just hate it all i hate breathing living everything. i wish people could see how much pain this is and let me go.


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## forgetmenot (Nov 2, 2012)

*Re: the fight*

People will not let you go hun  they are not giving up on you.  The professionals who transfer you  are hoping they are giving you a better chance at survival    With each new therapy  each new therapist  there is new hope   New ideas  new eyes  new ears to hear you.   New hope.


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## AmZ (Nov 2, 2012)

*Re: the fight*

So sorry you're going through so much pain. You certainly have a lot to handle. I hope that you find the strength inside of you to continue on and find the right treatment for you. You are not alone in the struggle - we are here with you. Hold on. You never know what's around the corner. 

I hope you feel better very soon.


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 2, 2012)

Is there something outside of Montreal that you could go to? I don't know how the system works in Canada, but i would have to go out of my state to find any kind of eating disorder program. They are out there though. I know it's hard, but please don't give up.


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## Mari (Nov 2, 2012)

Maybe there is something here that would be of help. :support:


Help for Eating Disorders in Montreal

   ANEB Quebec? 514-630-0907

   BACA: Eating Disorders Clinic - 514-485-7772

   Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Clinic - 514-761-6131 Ext. 2895

   Douglas Hospital Eating disorders Clinic - 514-761-6131 Ext. 2895

   McGill University Eating Disorders Program - 514-398-1050

   Montreal Children's Hospital Child Psychiatry - 514-412-4449 or 514-934-1934 Ext. 31619

   St. Justine  Hospital - 514-345-4695

   Your local CLSC - number referral514-286-5615


  EATING DISORDERS
  AMI-Qu?bec
Agir contre la maladie mentale
Action on Mental Illness
  5253 Decarie, suite  200
Montreal, Quebec  H3W 3C3
  Phone: (514) 486-1448
Fax: (514) 486-6157
  Email: outreach@amiquebec.org
Website: www.amiquebec.org


_For more information visit these_ Websites
www.anebquebec.com
www.hopewell.on.ca
www.reachout.com
www.cmha.ca
www.nami.org
www.cliniquebaca.com


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## Ashley-Kate (Nov 2, 2012)

thank you for your post but I have been to the douglas 5 times as well as aneb as well as ste justine as well as BACA and for the other programs some for adolescents the others would refer me because or my other issues.


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