# I'm suicidal. Is there a way for me to keep little things from affecting me?



## [talon] (Oct 24, 2008)

I suffer from Clinical Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I'm on Celexa.....

I know that I will never be like my sister. But my parents tell me that I should be exactly like her. They can't except me for me. They expect me to be perfect, and it hurts because I know I can never be. To them, my sister is the image of perfection. It bothers me because they remind me of this every day.

I can't be like her because I have less social skills. I only have two friends. I'm lonely and quiet, but I've gotten used to things being this way. My anxiety is intense when it comes to socializing and my psych is a little overly-cautious about prescribing me too much medication supposedly because I'm only 15, or he just doesn't trust me. Anyway, I have horrible panic attacks often. My sister is supposedly more determined than I am. I am trying hard in school but not getting anywhere. I can't help that I'm not very smart. I have applied for jobs but to no avail (I haven't gotten hired!). As silly as this sounds, it's incredibly painful for me because of my anxiety around people. I want to go somewhere in life. I am honestly trying hard with what I've got.

I wish I could ignore my parents and everyone around me but it is impossible and at times like these I can't help but _[edit: trigger]_ . i have no one to talk to. My friends would never understand!

I need advice!!


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## Into The Light (Oct 24, 2008)

i am sorry for what you are going through. depression is really difficult to deal with.

i am sorry your parents keep comparing you to your sister. they may not realize how hurtful this is. they may be saying it because of a misguided belief that maybe this will spur you into action and that you will start to do better in things they want you to do better in.


i know this is really, really hard to do but your parents need to accept you for who you are. you are not your sister, or anyone else. you are you, and you are special just the way you are. somehow you need to believe that.

are you currently in counseling with a therapist or are you just being prescribed medication?


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## prayerbear (Oct 24, 2008)

15 is a very hard age! I remember suffering from OCD and intense depression all the time! I am now 36 please don't look for the quick fix-suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Are you in therapy for this? I hear people's brains change for the better with therapy!  It is true I have OCD, bipolar, and PTSD and after two years of therapy I no more suffer from OCD, and PTSD.!
 Don't ever quit!Winners never give up!


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## Mari (Oct 24, 2008)

H! Talon, have you started group therapy? I have found it to be very helpful and I am very shy. :support: Mari


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## amastie (Oct 25, 2008)

Hi Talon,

my heart goes to you.  I fully agree with what others have said here, especially about counselling.  I'm glad that there are groups like this online that people, especially shy people, can go to talk about their feelings with others.

Have you and your parents ever had family counselling, to help them to see the effect they are having on you.  In all likelihood, they don’t even know what effect they are having.  Also, sometimes, things look different when we feel most down.

Being 15 is a very hard time of life even without depression.  Learning to be comfortable with people is never easy.  I also like what someone else has said about support groups.  There are support groups for people with depression and also ordinary youth groups which are geared to help teenagers socialize.  Have you tried to find any of those in your area?  You could start with a community health centre.

I notice that there is a link to support facilities in different countries on the home page of PsychLinks.  I was surprised to find many listed for Australia.

This is the direct link to support groups in Canada.
Search:: Psychlinks Support Directory

One thing that I find helps me to come up when I feel most down is to list things that are good or right in my life.  That might seem like an impossible task, but that is only because you feel so down.  It really is true that one way to feel up is to look up.  By that, I mean to make a conscious effort to picture things in your mind that are nice or positive, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.  It’s not the size of the thing that matters.  It’s only the effect it has when you consider it.

For example, if you can think of nothing else, ask yourself such questions as these.  You’re not allowed to discount the answer by saying in response “But...”  Just answer the question very simply and use your imagination to find a true answer.


1)   What is the nicest colour presently in  your environment?
2)   Whatever the weather today, what positive thing can come about because of it?
3)   What piece of garment are you wearing that you are most grateful for?  (no playing with the answer, no snide remarks; keep it simple and truthful)
4)   What possessions mean most to you - that you have!  Hold one or more to yourself and feel how good it is to have that.
5)   Are there growing anywhere near to you some flowers that you can cut and bring into your bedroom.  Do that as often as you can.
6)   Does your mother allow you to wear makeup?  If she does, try some on, not necessarily to wear out,  but to feel more special.  Or if you have perfume, wear some of that.   I find certain fragrances make me feel one way whereas other fragrances make me feel differently.  In general, floral scents are uplifting but for you it might be something else.  Walk through the aisles of a major department store where they sell perfumes because they often give away samples of their perfumes on cards.  Keep one in your bag or in your underwear drawer to make them smell nice.

There are so many small things to help uplift us.  I hope that you find the things that most uplift you.

My very best wishes,

amastie


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## white page (Oct 25, 2008)

Hi Talon ; 
Into the light and amastie are so right...



> you are not your sister, or anyone else. you are you, and you are special just the way you are. somehow you need to believe that.





> One thing that I find helps me to come up when I feel most down is to list things that are good or right in my life. That might seem like an impossible task, but that is only because you feel so down. It really is true that one way to feel up is to look up. By that, I mean to make a conscious effort to picture things in your mind that are nice or positive, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. It’s not the size of the thing that matters. It’s only the effect it has when you consider it.



re: the dosage your psych has given you , as you are still growing and developing : adult dosage would not be appropriate for you , as your developement could be affected . you do not say how long you have been taking medication , the effects of medication for depression is progressive and cumulative , so your meds may not have had time to kick in yet , it can take several weeks . 

You may be a natural introvert , which is just a nice place to be as an extrovert .  At times it takes a little longer to blossom , my goodness you have every possibility before you .  Write a little list of what you would really like to do and be . A list which is  nothing to do with the expectations of your family
but what really attracts you as an activity .

keep posting here so that we can support you during this difficult time for you . :support: 

best wishes white page


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## amastie (Oct 25, 2008)

Hear! hear! white page.

Don't know about you white page, but I can't think of anyone wanting to suicide when they know me, whose ears sit exactly in the right place on my head!  And while God gave me only one pair of eyes, mum and dad improved on it by giving me a second!  My goodness, what would I do without my wonderfully practical ears to hold up my brand new eyes?  And today, well, do you know, the sun winked at me!  No-one would believe me but it's true!  And tonight, when the stars started to make their way across the sky, I saw them playing chasey to see which of them would make it first across the sky.  Who would have believed it!  I'd give you their colours but they're obstinate and keep twinkling so much that I can't catch what colour they most want to be!  How impertinent!

Marj, how much money would you take for half of your shyness?  I have not got one shy bone in my body - and I would *love* to be able to fade into the furniture sometimes - preferably nice, antique-looking furniture, the kind that people walk past and say "My, I'd really like to know the story behind that interesting piece"  And I'd stay quite, and keep my story to myself, proudly, maybe with my nose slightly in the air while I sat silent, watching all those people gabble on about much that doesn't seem to be important at all.  And if sometimes I don't feel that I fit in, well that might be because they aren't antiques like me... [Hey!  I’ve lost the smilies, just when I wanted to show a face that showed me looking haughty! .. where have the smilies gone?]

prayerbear, I find what you've overcome remarkable!   I was once thought to be bipolar - many years ago - and while it's not true now, it's tempting for my family to believe it still because I do have smaller highs and lows.  Besides, what else could account for talking so much!   Your PTSD I can also relate to.  One day I may be able to say I overcame my challenges like prayerbear did!  

[Again, where are those smilies.  I want one with a face with its nose up in the air, haughty and, of course, justifiably proud!]

talon, if your parents cannot see how special you are, do they need to borrow my glasses? 

[I’m left only with a smile because I’ve lost all those other smilies]

Never mind, talon, those of us here have 20/20 vision - even with the help of our glasses - can see perfectly well how special you are.

As white page said, keep posting here so we can help support you.

It’s night-time here.

I just heard my bed call out.  I think it speaks in Spanish because I don’t understand it very well.  Or maybe I don’t want to   Anyway, I’m not about to learn to speak Spanish just to know what it’s saying.

I’m used to people in forums such as these just getting up when I’m going to bed (or *supposed* to be)

Good night,

amastie


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