# Step-mum



## AmZ (Dec 6, 2012)

My dad got remarried several years ago and lives in London with his wife. Both me and my sister live abroad so the only time we have met and been with our dads wife is when they come to visit us every 9 months or so. 

It's so awkward all of the time. Like our dad is trying to force us to have a REALLY strong relationship with her. 

Don't get me wrong, she's an extremely nice woman and my sister even says that she is the grandmother of her children. It's not like we're not 'trying' or are opposed to having a relationship with her. 

I've even been frustrated when certain things have happened like when my dad and his wife came to the hospital a couple of weeks ago to have a meeting with the staff. I don't know why, but ALL of the staff members were just looking and talking to my dad. Not once did they look at my dads wife. They should realise that she is there for a reason, because I want her to be involved. My dad then asked me if I'd said something to the staff about her maybe not really being involved or something and I said absolutely not, in fact the opposite. My dad said that his wife was really upset because of what happened. Then my dad told ME to tell his wife that I also felt awkward in the meeting and let her know that that was the case. 

My dad is coming alone on Sunday to visit me at the hospital and my dad said that his wife is worried about getting in the way and therefore decided not to come. I genuinely said straight up to both of them that I want both of them to come but my dads wife just said ' no, no, you spend some quality time with your dad'. There's nothing more I could say for her to believe me. 

Then when they were here the other day, I heard my dad talking behind my back to his wife and made a comment about me and where I get 'all this money from'. He cant just ask me directly but has to talk behind my back. It's all mixed up. On one hand, we have an open relationship with each other (everyone) and then there are instances like this where it's my dad and his wife together not communicating with me and my sister. 

It's all hot and cold. It's like nobody can be honest and even if they say they are being honest and genuine, they are not believed.  

One minute we're having this forced relationship with her and our dad goes crazy if we don't involve her in the conversation and starts 'eyeing' us to get her involved in the conversation when in the end, she's an adult and a human being and can talk up for herself also. Why is it down to me and my sister to have to get her to talk and become a part of the conversation. Maybe just like in the meeting with the staff, maybe she could have very easily spoken up and made comments or ask questions too rather than feeling rejected??

It's messy and difficult. Not a good combination of 'replacement mother' 'new wife' etc with issues all flying all over the place as it is.


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## AmZ (Dec 8, 2012)

Sorry for the rant guys. Just needed to let some fumes out there. 

I've since spoken to my dad and have taken more control of the relationship. I've thought about it a lot too and know that I can't let things like this affect me when I've got so much going on already. 

I spoke with my dad and he said he's going to come tomorrow alone to visit me at the hospital. Then on Monday with his wife. Then they go back to England on Tuesday. He asked me if I wanted him to come tomorrow and I said to be honest, two days in a row of visits is too much for me even though I am feeling better. So I was upfront and honest and for once said how I really felt rather than giving the answer that I think people want to hear. I still hope however that he hasn't taken it to heart that I've told him to not come visit me!!

But I'm going in a good direction I hope. Just need to take a balance with everything.


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## Cat Dancer (Dec 8, 2012)

Glad you stood up for yourself. I think that's important even though it's hard. Try not to worry about how he takes it. He's an adult and can handle it.


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