# Distorted Thinking



## gooblax

The last couple of days I've been falling for some of the distorted thinking - in particular, the "only option" and "no choice" thoughts.

I'm trying to convince myself that I *do* have a choice and that I want to make the right decision here.


----------



## Jazzey

I'm sorry you're having those thoughts Gooblax.  As someone said to me not too long ago, they are just thoughts.  As scary as they are - we don't have to act on them.  And, they're definitely not your only option.

Have you told anyone around you about them?  Your family?  Your T?

Addendum - suicide is _never_ an option Gooblax.  It's giving way to the distorted thinking.  I'm adding here Gooblax - If you are seriously considering suicide, please reach out to someone.  Get your family to take you to the emergency room, call a suicide hotline.  But don't deal with these thoughts on your own.  Are you hearing me on this?

Hotline for Australia: Suicide Resources - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help  & Mental Health Support Forum


----------



## Daniel

Such suicidal thoughts can be a sign that you need more treatment, e.g. more frequent therapy visits, a med change, and maybe also lifestyle changes like socializing or exercising more. 

If you are currently seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, you may want to call them tomorrow morning to let them know.  In any case, you may want to make an appointment ASAP if you don't have one soon.


----------



## gooblax

I don't want to tell my therapist because it will just be stupid if I'm not going to act on the thoughts (which I'm pretty sure I'm not...).


----------



## Jazzey

> I don't want to tell my therapist because it will just be stupid if I'm not going to act on the thoughts (which I'm pretty sure I'm not).



You have to tell him.  There's nothing stupid about it.  I've had suicidal ideation myself recently -  my T was the first person I told.  You have to tell him - as Daniel said, this will be a big red flag that your treatment has to change and/or your lifestyle.

How can he treat you to the best of his ability if you keep something of this magnitude from him?


----------



## Daniel

Yes, suicidal thoughts can be very annoying and debilitating and, if not properly managed, can lead to a worsening of depression, etc.  It's a symptom that needs to be reported in order to get proper treatment.     I guess I would liken it to you having a fever and not telling your doctor your temperature has gone up.


----------



## NicNak

:hithere:  Gooblax.  I have had those thoughts before too.  They are very scary, but it does not mean you are going to act on them.  

Australia Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Australia Suicide Hotlines, Australia Suicide Hotlines, Australia Suicide Hotlines, Australia Suicide Hotlines!

http://www.lifeline.org.au/find_help/24_hour_counselling_service

Please call for help Gooblax, if you feel it is getting too much.  There are _always_ options, please believe that.

I will keep searching for more resources for you Gooblax :hug:

Please tell your therapist.  I always tell my doctors.  They can help us


----------



## gooblax

I don't even know that my thoughts about it are genuine, though.
It shouldn't be as bad after the 'chosen time' when I won't have done it and will have proven yet again that my thoughts about it are just fake.


----------



## Jazzey

Gooblax, the mere fact that you have chosen a time for suicide is distressing to me - I'm really concerned.  Please, reach out to someone around you or call a hotline.   

It's irrelevant whether you think these thoughts are genuine or not - you are not equipped to deal with them on your own.  *None* of us are.  

This is not something you don't want to do to your family and friends....  Grief after Suicide - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help  & Mental Health Support Forum


----------



## NicNak

gooblax said:


> I don't even know that my thoughts about it are genuine, though.
> It shouldn't be as bad after the 'chosen time' when I won't have done it and will have proven yet again that my thoughts about it are just fake.




Thinking of suicidal thoughts is still serious, cause it is showing how much you are hurting inside Gooblax :hug:

It is very important you tell your therapist how you are feeling today.  

I always tell my doctors and I am always glad I did.  This way they know the pain I was feeling inside and are able to help me through it.

When you tell your Therapist, they are not going to think you are just "trying to get attention" or "faking it". 

I cannot stress to you, how important it is, that you tell your therapist all your feelings.  That is the best way for them to help you.  

They only way they can assess us, is to know all of how we feel, from the good to the bad.

When do you see your Therapist again Gooblax?  Are you currently on any medication?

Please consider calling a hotline, please.  They will be kind and understanding, I know for sure.


----------



## Daniel

> I don't even know that my thoughts about it are genuine, though.


Obviously, I would hope they aren't genuine.  But that doesn't matter as far as reporting it to your therapist, or in the level of distress they may be causing you, or in that they are affecting your mental health in the short and long term.


----------



## Mari

> The last couple of days I've been falling for some of the distorted thinking



That might be something to discuss with your doctor/therapist. Why the last couple of days? :support: Mari


----------



## gooblax

Thanks Jazzey, NN, Daniel and Mari.
I don't want anyone to be worried, because I'll be okay.
I'll tell my therapist when I next see him, if it's still relevant.


----------



## NicNak

Gooblax.  You are always welcome :hug:

Even if it is not "revelant" at the time, please tell him.  It is revelant to how you feel at certian times.  It is important he knows.  Seriously sweetie, please tell him ok?

:support:


----------



## ladylore

What happened Gooblax to start this thinking in the first place. If it's something concrete we may be able to help you come up with options for the problem.

Just a reminder to that no matter how healthy anyone is _everyone_ experiences that type of thought pattern at one time or another. The fact that you caught it and recognized it for what it is is fantastic.

:friends: :goodjob:


----------



## white page

Hi Gooblax ,


> Originally Posted by gooblax  View Post
> I don't even know that my thoughts about it are genuine,



I relate to what you say there .  I now call these kind of thoughts as parasitic thoughts and they can be very distressing , please do tell your T about them , it is his/ her role to help you understand where they are coming from and why . There may be a need for a med adjustment , or a coping technique if these thoughts are in reaction to a recent event or circumstance which provokes a deep distress , at times there is a triggering dynamic of which we are not consiously aware  , which provokes these thoughts , things seem to be going reasonably well , and for no apparent reason we have these intrusive thoughts , so please Gooblax do tell your T.

take care wp


----------



## gooblax

Thankyou everyone.

*gooblax added 23 Minutes and 46 Seconds later...*

I feel so guilty about this thread now... I'm sorry.


----------



## white page

gooblax said:


> Thankyou everyone.
> 
> *gooblax added 23 Minutes and 46 Seconds later...*
> 
> I feel so guilty about this thread now... I'm sorry.



Gooblax :hug:
this is a good thread , and very useful for most people , we all have these kind of thoughts ,  and it is very helpful reading all the advice given , so thank you for sharing your feelings , there is nothing to feel guilty about , on the contrary , you can feel proud because you have expressed how you felt , and you reached out for help , this is an achievement . wp


----------



## NicNak

Aww Gooblax.  Don't feel guilty.  :support:  I am glad you reached out to us when you were feeling this way.  

As I said it is important you tell people including your therapist how you feel.

I am glad to see you came back online :hug:  Hope you are feeling better now :friends:


----------



## Into The Light

gooblax, please don't feel guilty, there is nothing to feel guilty about. i am so glad you posted about what's going on with you because it takes some of the pressure off for you. talking about these thoughts is healthy. not talking about them is bad because they just grow and grow in your head, and that can be very dangerous. by talking here you have taken care of yourself and are keeping yourself safe and that is a good thing!

even if the thoughts seem to be gone by the time you see your therapist, i encourage you to tell him about them anyway. it will give him a clearer picture of how you are doing emotionally. suicidal thinking is a symptom of depression and he may reevaluate your diagnosis.

you done good, girl! :goodjob:


----------



## ladylore

What you are experiencing is very real Gooblax. When anyone makes changes in their lives for the better the brain actually does try to get back to the familiar old ways.

It has been described to me as ski tracks. The old ski tracks are well worn and deep so it takes a bit of time for the new tracks to get deep enough so the brain will use those new ones more and more.

This is actually a testament of how well you are doing Gooblax. I am proud of all the work you have done and the positve changes you have made. This is just a speedbump. :wink:

:goodjob: :friends:


----------



## white page

:agree::goodposting:


----------



## Jazzey

I agree with what everyone here has said Gooblax.  And, I'm so happy that you shared with us.  Please don't beat yourself up about this.  :hug: :airkiss:


----------



## gooblax

Thanks everyone. Your support and kindness mean a lot to me, and it really helped to talk about things here.
A warm :hug: to each of you. :flowers:


----------



## white page

:airkiss: gooblax  you are most welcome :hug:


----------



## NicNak

I am glad it was helpful to you Gooblax :kiss2:  

You are always welcome :hug: :support:


----------



## amastie

Hi Gooblax :hug:

we both live in Australia but I didn't see your thread.  Just coming in late to say that I too am glad that you brought your thoughts here   It doesn't matter how unreal or "not genuine" your thoughts of suicide seem to be.  It just doesn't matter.  Always speak of them, especially to your T because that helps him to put together the pieces best to help you.  He might recognize something that you might miss.  Don't leave anything out and that way he can help you work out what *is* real and worth addressing.

I'm *very* glad that you found support here 

Take good care of you :hug:  :flowers:

amastie


----------



## gooblax

Thanks amastie. *hugs*


----------



## gooblax

Sorry to revive an old thread and all...

Some of these thoughts have really started to scare me, when I manage to step back and get a different view of them. I'm going to work out a way to make an appointment with my therapist sometime.


----------



## Jazzey

I'm sorry to hear that you're still having these thoughts Gooblax.  I think that an appointment with your therapist is a really good plan - the sooner the better Gooblax.


----------



## amastie

gooblax said:


> Sorry to revive an old thread and all......I'm going to work out a way to make an appointment with my therapist sometime.



No need to be sorry at all 
Sounds like a good idea to see the therapist.
Sending thoughts your way..


----------



## gooblax

I feel incredibly guilty about posting about this yet again.

With my mood being somewhat inconsistent lately, I can't exactly predict what kind of thoughts I'll be having. This is unfortunate because I inadvertently came up with a 'plan' of sorts (which is 'supposed' to happen tomorrow due to where I'll be at the time). I don't think I'll do it - I'm 98% sure that I won't. The 2% uncertainty is scaring me, though. What if my thoughts go all screwy? It happened last week and I managed to totally freak myself out.

I know they're just thoughts and I don't have to act on them. I'm going to make sure I remember that. It's just... :hopeless:


----------



## David Baxter PhD

> I know they're just thoughts and I don't have to act on them. I'm going to make sure I remember that.



Gooblax, find and write down the number for a crisis line, carry it with you, and use it during those times when that 2% is active.


----------



## white page

gooblax said:


> Sorry to revive an old thread and all...
> 
> Some of these thoughts have really started to scare me, when I manage to step back and get a different view of them. I'm going to work out a way to make an appointment with my therapist sometime.


Gooblax , :support:
Please don't apologize ,  this forum is the right place to come to when these chronic thoughts resurge , by telling us , we can support you through these times and it is always better to communicate how you are feeling than keeping these thoughts and feelings locked inside .:hug:


----------



## amastie

Hi Gooblax,

I was going to PM you this information but it might be of help to others in Australia - and I welcome it being added if needed to any resource list on PsychLinks.

To help provide support lines to you,  I rang Lifeline here in Victoria, which is Australia-wide to ask what is the number for the Suicide hotlines in Australia (hoping it would just be one).  Instead,  it turns out that there is one  for each state.   Since I don't know which state you are in, I will list them all.

Please know that  I am not including this list to impose them on you - not at all - but only in case any of them might be a good backup if you ever feel that 2% chance niggling at you.  I'll also give you the number of Lifeline (which you may already have).  It *is* Australia-wide but *never* answers straight away.  I waited nearly 18 minutes to talk to someone just now.  But they gave me the  numbers  across the country for the Suicide Hotlines.  I rang one of them and they answered within half a minute.  I was so glad of that 

So here are the numbers:

Lifeline (Australia wide) avail 24hr  -  13 1114
   can keep you on hold for ages but, if you can, keep them on speaker and play on your computer while you're waiting for someone to speak

Suicide Hotlines (by State) ... all are avail 24 hours
   Victoria  ..............   1300 651 251
   ACT ..........j.........   1800 629 354
   NSW ....................  1300 363 622
   Norther Territory ..... 1800 019 116
   Queensland ............ 1300 363 622
   South Australia ....... 13 1465

   Tasmania ............... Metro area   - (03) 6331 3355
                                Country area - 1300 364 566

   Western Australia .... Metro area    - (08) 9381 5555
                                Country area  - 1800 198 313

Keep whichever number may be of help to you Gooblax.
And feel free to PM me if I can be of help or support by phone.  (I can ring anywhere in Australia for free because of the telephone/internet package I have).

Even for  the 98% part  of you that doesn't think you will act on your distorted thinking, use that clearer part  to takes steps to actively ensure that you remain safe.  By all means stay online here when you can.  If not one person can be online, another one can be.  And, *please* do tell your therapist as soon as you can how  you are  feeling - even if you describe it as not *knowing* what you feel.  By talking over things with her/him, other stuff will come up.  If your therapist is a good one, then they will be able  to gauge from the tenor of your conversation if, in fact, your mood is more low than even you are able, intellectually to assess (if that makes sense <lol>)

Ok, enough of me :bonk:

Hang in there, *be well*, be  supported, be here!

:hug:  :hug:  :support:

*amastie added 22 Minutes and 59 Seconds later...*

Too late to add this note to my previous post:

I am looking at the time - 12.23am on Monday morning and I won't  be able to stay online for very much longer.  Depends on how long it takes to do what I must do before going to bed.  I'll leave this thread available till then.  I'll let you know when I go offline.  Remember to PM me if you need  to, if not tonight, then at another time.  I'm out most of tomorrow and Tuesday and Wednesday during the day but will sign in when I get home.

Ok.  Leaving this on till I report back....


----------



## Jazzey

Gooblax you're in my thoughts.  I'm just adding one thing to the great information you've already received.  Whenever I have these thoughts, I force myself to imagine the reaction of those who love me and that I love right back: my family, my friends (both IRL and here).  That helps to remind me that I can accept the thoughts as just that, thoughts.  Deciding to put them into action would result in a tragedy for the people I love the most. 

Sometimes, having a plan can bring some kind of peace (at least for me) - but it doesn't mean that we have to follow through on it....

Please carry around those numbers.... :hug: :hug: - I'll be checking in on you later Gooblax.


----------



## Into The Light

gooblax, if you are alone at that specific time, why not make a change in plan and be somewhere with other people? that way you can keep yourself safe during that window of time.

whatever pain you are feeling that makes you hit that 2%, keep telling yourself, over and over and over, "this will pass, i will not always feel this way."

come here and post on the forum to distract yourself if you cannot find a way to be with people during that time. call one of the hotline numbers amastie found for you. there is support available to you to talk you through that crisis time and get you through it.

i can guarantee you that you will not regret making it through. from personal experience i am really, really glad i fought to make it through. life is good for me now. it is *worth it* to make it through, gooblax, i promise you that. do not give up hope, and do not give up on yourself. life can and will be okay for you again.

keep us posted. :hug::support:


----------



## amastie

Ok, I'm going to cheat, only so that you know, Gooblax, that you're not alone at this time.

There has been a part of me which has been fantasizing about the ways that I can do the same thing - not that I have set things things up to do it.  I haven't, and I expect that I'm further away from it than you may feel.  I'm not nearly 2%, but the thought of it ... mmm.... I think .. mmm, I wonder....  This way or that way?..

I say this *NOT* because I need support.  I'm actually doing better tonight than in a long while, but it's come out of some up and down time myself.  So, along with others who have expressed in here how they too have  felt like  you, I add my own (terribly guilty :blush  admission <Now you can forget that I said it, ok?!>

You're not alone in feeling it's not worth it, that it's too hard, too much, too ... anything and *nothing*.  You are not alone, you are surrounded by people who understand, *truly* undersand.  Stand on our shoulders.  Things look higher from up there 

... ok, have put on the washing.  Dishes to do..

Be back...

*amastie added 117 Minutes and 30 Seconds later...*

... not finished yet.  Had to redo some washing...

*amastie added 196 Minutes and 45 Seconds later...*

That's it.  Got caught up too long online but *did* accomplish some things which feels great!  Overtired but happy 

I'll be back online tomorrow night I expect.  Perhaps we will hear more from Gooblax before then.  I just hope Gooblax that you know you are cared for and that, regardless of whether *you* think you deserve it, we are extremely smart, sensiible people so if we think you are deserving of our support, then it *must* be true 

Best wishes and good night to all,

amastie


----------



## texasgirl

Just thinking of you, Gooblax.  Take care...:hug:


----------



## gooblax

Thankyou all so much for your support. I've written down the number and all should be fine.


----------



## Into The Light

we're here to support you all the way gooblax. stay safe.


----------



## NicNak

:hithere: Gooblax.  I am sorry I was not here to support you while you were upset today.

You are always in my good thoughts.  I always wish for you peace.  

I hope you use those numbers when you need them.  The folks on those lines are quite nice and understanding.  

There are always ways to ease the pain.  Even if you come online here to laugh in the Just Fun area or pass around your hugs like you do  

We are all here for you.  We all support you and wish for you the best.

I hope you do get to see your therapist soon.  

If you maybe talk to your  therapist, maybe could you see your therapist more often if you require that?

Sweet Goooblax.  Your therapist is there to help you out.  It is so important you tell your therapist how you feel, your good times your bad rough patches, everything.

I learned this.  They don't judge.  They are there to help us and teach us ways to cope.

You are in my thoughts Gooblax.  :friends:  :hug:  :support:


----------



## gooblax

Thanks soo much, everyone. :grouphug3:
I got through today, all good. (Except the bus driver probably thought I was a total freak, but whatever.) Still a bit worried about it, but I'm seeing my therapist on Wed and have already sent him an email to let him know about the thoughts.
I love you guys. :heart: Thanks again for all the support and understanding. *hugs*


----------



## amastie

gooblax said:


> ... I'm seeing my therapist on Wed and have already sent him an email to let him know about the thoughts.
> I love you guys.  Thanks again for all the support and understanding. *hugs*


Three thoughts:

1.  Goodygumdrops!  :dance:   :yahoo:

2.  You're welcome.  And remstember:  us smart, sensible  people also give extremely cheap rates, so call anytime you like   

3.   Luvshya back :heart:   :flowers:

4.   Becaue I was tempted into too much talking (on other threads) last night, I'm having to go  to bed tonight very early tonight - I mean "now*.  So please know that I won't be able  to respond for the rest of tonight but will catch up tomorrow night.

:grouphug4:


----------



## Jazzey

Now _that_ brought a smile to my face Gooblax - that's a pretty good way to start my day today!   :hug:


----------



## Into The Light

gooblax - i am _so_ proud of you for telling your therapist via email. that is HUGE! you did really, really well. i am so pleased. proud of you kiddo! it's a step forward :yahoo:


----------



## white page

Gooblax ,

Yey!!! that's is HUGE  ,  congratlations  for having told your therapist ,  so glad you are seeing him/her the day after tommorrow  .........

Well done Gooblax .  sending great big hugs .


----------



## gooblax

Thanks everyone. *hugs* I had to flip a coin to decide whether or not to write the email, then sat staring at it for ages before sending it... but at least my T knows. Now there's just the other hard part - continuing to talk to him about things.


----------



## NicNak

I am so proud of you Gooblax that you emailed your therapist!  So so proud of you!  

You made a huge step by emailing your therapist about your feelings.  

I have a smile this big   after reading your post here.  I can not think of words enough to say how proud I am of you.

It is such an inportant step.  I am so happy you emailed your therapist.

:friends:  :support:  :hug:  :flowers:


----------



## white page

Hi Gooblax ,

Getting the words out face to face is at times very difficult ,  at times it seems unsurmountable .  So dear Gooblax , why don't you print out what you wrote here about your feelings , and take this along with you . Your therapist will understand when you say that it is easier to write about your thoughts, rather  than talking about them .  more big hugs


----------

