# Four Things You Can Do to Stop Suicide



## David Baxter PhD (Sep 23, 2017)

*Four Things You Can Do to #StopSuicide*
by Douglas Coote, _A Splintered Mind _
September 17, 2017     



I was once suicidal.  I hated myself. I hated my life. I was blind to the love of people  around me. I was virtually on the precipice, but stepped back at the  last moment because of their love. They mattered to me, and I mattered  to them. I remembered that at the moment it would do the most good. I  survived that dark period, and other dark periods that followed. I  survived, healed, and now I try to help other people as desperately  miserable as I once was by opening up about depression, ADHD, and suicide with my writing.

 In fact, I wrote a book to #StopSuicide,  but helping people doesn?t need to be that elaborate. Just listen and  care when somebody is in crisis. Take the time to care. Don?t recoil  from the subject. The fact somebody is opening up to you about such a  difficult subject is an amazing blessing in your life. Don?t waste it. 

 The  other night I spoke with a gentleman whose boy committed suicide years  ago. His pain survives that suicide years later. He felt his boy didn?t  mean to do it. That it was an accident. People care. They agonize over  these deaths. If you are convinced nobody cares, that?s the suicidal  intentions lying to you. This father, like most survivors, was wracked  with survivor?s guilt. I could see it in his eyes. It?s a look I?ve seen  before. ?What could I have done differently?!?, they usually ask  themselves. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. The ultimate choice  is theirs to make, but you can do a few things to give them a fighting  chance:



*Ask*
You know what people look  like when they are sad. You know what people look like when they are  devastated. If you see somebody carrying that kind of cloud over their  heads, take a moment to inquire how they?re doing. They will probably  tell you they?re just fine, because don?t we all? But you?ve opened a  door that they didn?t know was open for them before. 
*Listen*
If  they choose to open up to you, their feelings may be intense, and what  they describe may be hard to bear, but persevere. You are their  lifeline. Don?t pull it back into the boat before they grab on. 
*Care*
You  may find their reasons for feeling suicidal are insignificant and even  silly. I?ve heard it all. People without problems react to people  drowning in problems with some form of ?What? That?s nothing!? But keep  this in mind. Suicidal depression magnifies small events into giant  meteors of impending death. Their perception is that there is no hope,  no way out except death. You may look and see tiny obstacles that would  be easy for you to circumvent, but for them, these obstacles are  mountains of impossible height. Don?t berate them for not being you. If  they saw their life problems as small obstacles, they wouldn?t be  confiding in you for help. Do your best to give them support,  perspective, and compassion. 
*Follow Up*
As  the adage goes, out of sight, out of mind. You may pat yourself on the  back for a job well done, but they may continue walking around with a  cloud over their heads. Check in on them to see how they are doing. Your  simple pep talk won?t erase a tsunami of suicidal depression anymore  than one moment of sun dries your clothes on a rainy day. Don?t pester  them, obviously, but keep at it. Ask them here and there how they?re  doing. Let them know somebody cares. 

 From my own  experience with suicide, we don?t think clearly during our bleakest  moments. We may even believe that what we are planning is perfectly  logical?even a kindness to the people we leave behind. Keep reaching  out. Keep loving. It matters. 

 It?s not our responsibility to  make their choices for them. It?s not our fault if they reject us and  make that final, horrible choice. But if there is even one chance that a  caring ear bent towards their needs could have helped them stop,  wouldn?t you want to be the person who saved somebody from their darkest  impulses? 


_The e-book, *Saying No To Suicide* can be purchased directly *from Douglas Cootey's website* or *from Amazon*. It can also be previewed at *Free Preview*._


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