# I hate it



## Lonewolf

why is making and maintaining friends and closeness so damn difficult?? And hurtful? And soul destroying? I have tried so hard lately to be a friend to some, but I just get used and abused and made a mockery of!! I am so alone and so lonely and none of it really seems worth it!! Or maybe I am not worth it!! I struggle all of the time, trying and trying and at the end of the day I am exhausted with my failed efforts!! I don't want to have a battle everyday!! I don't have the strength!! I can't win in this life, I really can't!! I am so worried about being like this I just wish my life wasn't one battle after the next!! It never seems to ease!! Right now I want, no, I need it all to just end!! I am losing the will!! I don't know why this life hates me significantly more than I hate it!! Maybe I deserve all this because of what I did all those years ago? It's caught me!! Someone somewhere has decided I need more hurt? I know some will be totally annoyed with my misery by now, I am so sorry for this!! I know it is just endless!! Believe me, I know!!


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## Retired

*Re: i hate it!*

Please have a look at these articles to see if they might offer some insights:

Overcome Victim Mentality

How to Stop Playing the Victim Game | Psychology Today

It is my opinion that the way we perceive ourselves can be detected by others.  This is how predators and those with bad intentions identify vulnerable people.

Overcoming a "victim mentality" can put you back in control of your life, and help you avoid situations where people take advantage of you.

_*You* need to take the first step in re-orienting your thinking about yourself. _ No one can do that for you.


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## Lonewolf

*Re: i hate it!*

Ouch!!!


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## Retired

*Re: i hate it!*



Lonewolf said:


> Ouch!!!



Sometimes the realisation of a reality is difficult to absorb, but with appropriate support and therapy strategies can be learned make progress.

The way I see it, road to regaining control over your life would probably require hard work, but once you decide to take action to learn some new life strategies and modify your thinking about how you see yourself, you can look forward to a happier and less stressful life.


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## GDPR

*Re: i hate it!*



Steve said:


> Overcome Victim Mentality
> 
> How to Stop Playing the Victim Game | Psychology Today



Thanks for posting these,I found them very helpful.I especially liked the story about the fox in the first one,and this:



> We can all feel like victims sometimes. The term 'learned helplessness' was coined in the 1970s (1) to describe a common feature of clinical depression. People can learn to be passive and feel powerless in a situation where perhaps there was little they could do, but then over-apply this learning to situations in which, if they did but try, they really would be able to influence things.
> 
> An analogy for this would be if a wild bird were caged and really unable to fly free. And one day the cage door is left wide open, but the bird, because of past 'learned helplessness', still doesn't escape when, in reality, it could. People often do this in their own ways.
> 
> - See more at: Overcome Victim Mentality



I can see now that some of the things I am struggling with,with my son,are because of past experiences.My cage door has been open for many years,I just didn't realize it.

Food for thought.Thank you.


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## Lonewolf

I don't like being labelled as a 'Victim' either!! I didn't really think of myself as a victim, more that I have never felt cared for/about!! this conversation has been quite difficult!! I am relieved with all the answers!! I am not hel'less!! just ho'eless!!


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## David Baxter PhD

You're neither helpless nor hopeless. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Retired

Lonewolf,

I believe being in a hopeless or helpless situation occurs when there are no choices; however each of us has choices.  Even when situations in life occur unexpectedly, we have a choice as to how we respond.  

That means taking control of your life, which  may require the guidance of your doctor and / or therapist who can help you learn strategies like being assertive and how to make better choices.

That way you can convert hopeless into hopeful and helpless into positive action.

The first step depends on you to make the choice to get the help you need.


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## Jesse910

Lone Wolf:

You remind me of the person who is drowning in one foot of water.  Instead of putting his foot on the bottom of the pool, that person keeps kicking and raising a fuss.  Lone Wolf, we heal when we look inward and say, "I have a problem that I need to solve."  When we reach that point, fear does come into the picture and we start to panic.  However, as we reach out, we soon realize that we are not alone. Have you considered getting a dog or a cat?  Pets help us to feel less alone and they help us make friends.  Loving a pet allows us to feel loved and we learn that we can love ourselves and others.


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## HBas

Lonewolf, 

On a lighter note ... 

Don't ever lable yourself my friend, we tend to strive toward what we think we are.

Allow me to lable you  You are unique and You are able! 

Please heed all the good advise Steve gave you, use it in a positive light. You are worth every moment of time these people use to try and advise and remember they do so because they care!

:2thumbs:


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## Jesse910

Lone Wolf:

If you want to change your life and get unstuck, you're going to have to place yourself in the hands of someone who can assist you.  After a while, we tire ourselves out when we seek assistance and do not take it.  The best friend you can be to yourself is to seek professional assistance.  As a community, we can offer you volumes of support, but your pain will continue until you take positive and constructive action.  This does not mean harming yourself in any way, shape or form.  This means reaching out for help and working with a therapist or doctor who you can trust to assist you.

I lived in a world of darkness and deep pain for a number of years until I thought I could not make it.  However, when I allowed myself to receive help, the darkness lifted and I found myself.


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