# Sad



## Ashley-Kate (May 13, 2011)

The week is long, every day seems like it last forever.  It was a lovely day sunny and beautifull i spent it locked up in a room unable to step out.  I got into a fight with my older brother my only family support close to me at the moment and we are not talking at the moment.  I am wondering when these antidepressants will actualy kick in because i am falling and i can't seem to hold on to anything anymore.  My mother informed me that they all tried to help me but i always pushed me away so now they don't know what more to do to help me, what to say that will be okay. I feel like i failed them.  I  can't seem to get past this depression not even a little bit it's been 3 months now that i have been this way and it only seems to be getting worst. I feel like i can't breath, thinking too far into a week scares me because it reminds me that i have to breathe that much longuer. I hate that i simply can't will my mind and body to stop breathing tell my heart to stop beating I hate that I can't control my body in that way.
I am depresed and i am tired.


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## David Baxter PhD (May 13, 2011)

It will probably take a couple of weeks at least, Ashley. Hang in there.


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## Ashley-Kate (May 13, 2011)

if only you knew how sick i am of hearing or reading those words hang in there... i know i sound dramatic and all but there is no more hanging in there, it's exhausting and i have  no therapie anymore or if i so its once every 2 weeks i am losing it every passsing day ..


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## David Baxter PhD (May 13, 2011)

I'm sure you are, Ashley. I probably would be too. I don't want to sound patronizing and I am certainly not minimizing how difficult it is or trivializing your pain.

Sometimes we say things like that because we don't know what else to say.


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## Ashley-Kate (May 13, 2011)

yeah I know it's like saying everything will be okay, or in time things will get better or you will make it. its all about predicting a futur that may not even happen.  I am tired of the hope that people want me to have cause i keep on being let down i keep on losing more and more evry day.


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## David Baxter PhD (May 13, 2011)

Actually, I think you are starting to move forward again, although I get that it may not feel like that to you just now.


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## Ashley-Kate (May 13, 2011)

I don't know were to go from here how to go on living.  i am drowning and i can't reach the shore.


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## David Baxter PhD (May 13, 2011)

You're at the shore, Ashley. All you have to do is stand up and stop fighting the possibility of being disappointed or let down.


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## forgetmenot (May 13, 2011)

Ashley stop fighting okay  the meds will work they will  and i do hope soon  you will feel better you will  hugs


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## Retired (May 13, 2011)

> my only family support close to me at the moment and we are not talking at the moment.



It's so easy when we are frustrated to lash out at those dearest and closest to us.  I am sure you meant no harm to your brother, and this might be a good time to reach out to him, telling him about the pain and frustration you're feelng and that you are sorry you took it out on him.  

Family support is so important when we are healing from illness, so see if you can make things right between you.

You are a strong and courageous woman, who has been battling your illness for some time.  We understand how hard it must be, but in time the bad days might just rurn into a few good days, and eventually there might be more good days than bad days.

That is the only hope any of us can cling to during the difficult times, and having the support of loving family and friends should make it a little easier.

Speak to your brother, Ashley.

Steve


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## Ashley-Kate (May 13, 2011)

there is really very little good days if any, the fight with my brother had lots to do with me but also with his own drug issues that seem to be clowding is jugdment and his maturity. I understand that i have to believe i just dont know in what and in recovery in getting better should be the proper responce but the truth is i don'T believe in that


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## Retired (May 13, 2011)

Ashley,

You can believe in yourself.  You can be your best motivation.

Despite the difficulties you are obviously experiencing, there can be better days and even years ahead.  You are a young woman with your life ahead of you, and the courage you have demonstrated in the years you have been with us on Psychlinks, makes me believe that if you focus on what might be for you in the future, that your courage can get you there.

You, Ashley, are your best reason to carry on the struggle, in the hopes of enjoying a fruitful and happy life.


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## forgetmenot (May 13, 2011)

Yeh hard to believe in anything when one is in depth of depression of hell really  been there still am but can tell you meds do help.  
When one stop fighting  and lets the docs and therapist take over  it is like  some heavy load has been take off of oneself   let the professionals take care of you okay do what they ask  don't fight them  i have waisted to many years fighting Ashley  when i could have been using that time to heal.   I don't know where i am heading right now but i have past my fighting gloves over so now i have more energy just to survive   You can survive Ashley let the professionals fight okay for you  do as they ask let them get you well again  it will happen once you stop fighting  hugs


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## H011yHawkJ311yBean (May 14, 2011)

I don't know what to say, either Ashley-Kate, but if you can't feel hope right now maybe the rest of us have enough between us to keep you going. WE have hope for you Ashley-Kate. And that's why we keep saying those words 'hang in there' like that stupid cat in the poster. 

 

Maybe, at least for distraction, you could put up this poster and use a straw or empty Bic pen cylinder for launching spitballs at it. Or for more of a challenge, put the poster on the ceiling. Then sometimes you have to dodge.


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## suewatters1 (May 14, 2011)

Ashley do you have Galaxie music on your TV?  There is some nice music channels to listen to even one called Nature. Some very soothing calming music might help you.  Also can you remember some of those happy times you had like the your first date with you current boyfriend and your thinking I hope I can see him again. Or is there a place you like to visit like a museum you once went to that you enjoyed or maybe a Zoo you went to visit that put a smile on your face. Maybe you can go visiting those places that made you happy even just for that day you went and visit that place that brought a smile to your face.

I am always thinking of you and I just asked God to take extra special care of you because you are important to to many people.  I also think God has a plan for you that someday with your education in Psychology I believe you have ( I can't quite remember sorry)  you are going to help other people who are in your situation because you will have lived through it and you will be able to help them through it.  You are such a special person please know we all love you.

Sue


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## H011yHawkJ311yBean (May 14, 2011)

Yes, it might help to journal your thoughts and feelings. That sort of thing helped me when I had to wait for my therapist's appointments. And then I had something to show him when I came for the session. 

Write a note to your self... One side of you wants to end the pain, well dig deep down and get the other side of your self to tell that side of your self all the reasons why you should stay alive. 

Heck, get some canvas and some paints (acrylic is easier to clean with water and doesn't stink and dries really fast) and don't even try to paint anything recognizable: just use colours and experiment with line and motion of your hand and brush. It's therapeutic for me, anyway, and I will listen to all sorts of music that mirrors my feelings while I do it (or journal). Or draw. 


Tell us at least one reason right now. I can already think of several.


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## Ashley-Kate (May 14, 2011)

thank-you,


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