# Coping with the Death of a Loved One



## David Baxter PhD (Oct 24, 2009)

Coping with the Death of a Loved One


Common Reactions - What to expect

Stages of Grief

Secondary Losses

Prior Losses

Coping with a Loss

Helpful Tips and Rituals

Helping Others Grieve

Helping Children Grieve

Gender Differences

Abnormal Grief

Moving Forward


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## fireflame (Nov 18, 2010)

I have lost my Mother this year the single most difficult experience of my life and having schizo affective has presented alot of challenges. You offer some great advice. Do you think that the loss of someone is something you learn to adjust to or do you think the pain remains almost like a scar?


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## David Baxter PhD (Nov 18, 2010)

The loss changes you permanently, I think, but what you learn is, first, how to accommodate the loss in your own life, to keep going, and to find peace and even joy in your life again; and, second, to learn to honor that person's life and the legacy of her life.

Your mother's legacy was not about when and how she died. It was about how she lived. What she gave to you and others while she was alive. What she taught you. How she shaped the life you and others are living now.

That legacy is the meaning of her life. And that legacy is her immortality.


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## Bumblebean (Nov 5, 2012)

My auntie died a long time ago but I still miss her so much and sometimes I still cry like my heart is breaking all over again. Someone said to me that wasn't normal or healthy and that it was probably just my depression. I think it's normal to miss someone who was really special and important in your life, especially when things are rough and the person you need most right at that minute isn't around any more. I am curious to know what other people think.

Thanks

BB


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## David Baxter PhD (Nov 5, 2012)

Bumblebean said:


> My auntie died a long time ago but I still miss her so much and sometimes I still cry like my heart is breaking all over again. Someone said to me that wasn't normal or healthy and that it was probably just my depression. I think it's normal to miss someone who was really special and important in your life, especially when things are rough and the person you need most right at that minute isn't around any more.



Of course it is, totally normal. If anyone tries to tell you differently, they don't know what they're talking about. Grief is not something that ever goes away. You just learn to accommodate it so you can move forward in your life and over time it gets less intense, at least most of the time.


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## gardens (Nov 5, 2012)

Right - it's totally normal.  How do you stop missing and hurting that someone you love has died?  To me the people who say you are not normal are the ones that are really off-base.  Either they have never lost some one they love or they have never loved someone they lost.

Grieving is so personal and so different for everyone.  And Dr. Baxter is right grief doesn't go away - it changes but doesn't go away.


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## Bumblebean (Nov 5, 2012)

David Baxter said:


> Of course it is, totally normal. If anyone tries to tell you differently, they don't know what they're talking about. Grief is not something that ever goes away. You just learn to accommodate it so you can move forward in your life and over time it gets less intense, at least most of the time.



David, thank you! I think I needed to hear that. I question myself so much my thinking gets muddled up and it's confusing when people tell me I need to stop living in the past and get over it. I know she's gone, but the memories didn't get buried in the ground with her.

Thanks

BB

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gardens said:


> Either they have never lost some one they love or they have never loved someone they lost.



gardens, that is so perfect I'm going to write it down and put it where I can see it to remind myself.

Thank you!

BB

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I never thought of this before just now, but it seems like people tend to put a lot of what I feel down to my depression or anxiety. I think I need to work on trusting my own feelings a bit more.

I am so glad I found this site 

:thankyou2:

BB


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## momof5 (Jun 18, 2014)

Bumblebee, I just posted something that goes along with how you are feeling in regards to how long and how hard you are grieving.

Your posts let me know that i am not the only one who grieves long and hard for someone.


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