# Psychotherapy



## BrokenHearted

Thank you David . I really do not know where to begin there is just so much going on.? ?

I had an appointment yesterday for my suitability? for? psychotherapy. I? do not understand the process but I felt a total fool.? I? knew I was there to talk about my abuse issues but I felt so uncomfortable. When I was about to tell him I? had a flashback in his office. when he asked me about it I found? I could not verbalize it.? Was that a normal reaction or is it just me ? Has anyone else had this expeirence ?? ? Why do? therapists continually stare at you ?? I found this really unnerving I felt he could see straight threw me? I? almost felt naked? my anxiety went through roof where I could not even think straight my mind went totally blank? He told me I was dissociating what exactly does this mean?? He said he would see me next week for a further assessment and that I should think about what he said and my suitability for therapy.? I? am really worried that I will be turned down as CBT have said I am unsuitabe.? I really want some help I have flash backs daily my life has been so badly affected.? What can I do to overcome my anxiety.? 

Any thoughts 

Thanks


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## David Baxter PhD

> I am really worried that I will be turned down as CBT have said I am unsuitabe.


I don't understand - who or what is "CBT"?


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## ^^Phoenix^^

> Why do therapists continually stare at you ? I found this really unnerving I felt he could see straight threw me I almost felt naked my anxiety went through roof where I could not even think straight my mind went totally blank



I think you'll find that they arn't really consious of it. They search for 'tells', you know, little signs that you give off to indicate whether your uncomfortable, more emotional than usual, under stress, as well as wanting to communicate and give you their full attention. Try not to panic, they don't know what is going on inside your head, no one does. They simply have been trained on ways to help you make sense of it. And don't forget, they are there to help you, if you _can_ be honest (completely naked metaphorically) its probably a good idea. Ive always seen it as talking to yourself, with direction. 

I hope this helps the way you feel about them.
x


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## BrokenHearted

Hi David 

Sorry if I did not explain myself properly - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy


Thanks Pheonix I think I would feel better if his back was towards me or if I could hide somewhere. I feel so stupid and embarrassed. I am 47 years old and thought that I had dealt with these issues years ago although I never seen anyone professionaly.


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## David Baxter PhD

I still don't understand. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a techinique used in therapy. It is part of the treatmenrt for certain issues or problems but may not even be appropriate for certain other issues or certain clients. That doesn't make you "unsuitable for therapy" - it just means you will be best served by using other techniques.


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## ^^Phoenix^^

Broken Hearted:

Well, don't feel stupid about it. Even if you had sorted out your insercurities, your allowing yourself to be seen at its most vunerable with a therapist. Maybe if you made it a point to ask him if he could turn away from you while you speak? If you let him know that it makes you self consious, and you battle opening up freely when he is facing you, he may be eager to help you in that way?
x
_________________________________________________Dave,

What does this mean? 


> he said he would see me next week for a further assessment and that I should think about what he said and my suitability for therapy.


(totally not what you guys are talking about) but what would a therapist mean by that.... does she _want_ to go and open up? just wondering
x


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## David Baxter PhD

Phoenix said:
			
		

> What does this mean?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> he said he would see me next week for a further assessment and that I should think about what he said and my suitability for therapy.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> what would a therapist mean by that....
Click to expand...


I have no idea. I've never heard of someone doing that. Sounds rather arrogant to me...


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## ^^Phoenix^^

It struck me that way too... Like when your given an opertunity, and your parents say, "your attitude stinks, perhaps you should decide if this is what you want, and then act accordingly" ??


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## BrokenHearted

Hi

I was referred to a psychiatrist in 2005 with depression after a very streeful period in my life. He thought? that psychotherapy maybe helpful? so he referred me to our local hospital.

I? was originally sent a? questionaire of aproximately three hundred questions for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. When I went to the consultation I gave her a very brief account of the abuse I had suffered. I was told that I was not suitable for this therapy as there programs run for only nine months and that she thought I would probably? need longer so therefor she thought psychotherapy would be a better option.? She said she would write to my psychiartrist to let him no of her decision. I was quite shocked when I recieved a copy of this letter as the abuse I had spoke about was reiterated.? I? had no idea that this would happen.

David I would be really grateful if you could explain what this means 

" She has a primary and only depression"? ?Does this mean I have something and only depression or just only depression. It does not make sense to me.

Prior to my appointment for psychotherapy I was sent another questionaire with aproximately forty questions to answer. I had to send it? back before I had a consultation. 

I think that this is what really stressed me out. He introduced himself and said we have one hour. I said I do not really understand what I was supposed to be doing and that I felt really uncomfortable. I thought that? he would? ask me a few questions and tell me what psychotherapy involved. He told me he was assessing and that he would not be my therapist. He said he saw how I had scanned the room with my eyes and that I was probably worried about what he would write. I said yes I was worried about what he would write after what had happened with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy letter. I asked him what was private and confidential. He did not answer. I really do not understand. Am I really expected to tell him everything in detail and for this information to be sent to my psychiartrist and doctor in order for me to be accepted for psychotherapy.? ?I think that this is what he meant by my suitability for therapy as he also said that it might be better to leave things as they are.? ?I feel so hurt I don't know what to do I can not continue the way I am.? I have no life. I asked him what I could do to stop the flashbacks. He did not answer. What can I do I feel so desperate inside I really do not feel that I can carry on like this.? 

Pheonix? ?" Your attitude stinks, perhaps you should decide if this is what you want, and then act accordingly"? Your statement Is excactly as I took it to mean.

Thanks?


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## David Baxter PhD

I must say this all seems very unusual to me. What general part of the world do you live in, Brokenhearted?

"Primary and only depression" is not a diagnosis. All I can surmise is it may mean you suffered a single major depressive episode (i.e., non-recurring), but if you are suffering from PTSD that seems unlikely to be true...

You're sure these are qualified therapists? Is this some sort of govfernment run or government funded program? It just sounds very weird...


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## BrokenHearted

Hi David

I live in the UK. I have not been diagnosed as having PTSD. I had a number of shocks occuring simultaneously which was the cause of my depression and anxiety.? My origiinal? diagnosis was deemed as reactive depression.? ?

I am glad that I am not the only one who is confused by diagnosis ?

They are definitely approved therapists as they are part of our National Mental Healh Service. 

I feel I must be really deficit in some areas as I really do not understand what is expected of me.

Thanks


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## David Baxter PhD

Hmmm... maybe somebody in the UK can shed some light on how they do things over there. To me, it sounds like some sort of Dostoevsky novel...


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## BrokenHearted

I thought that I would like to share this with you. My mind has been in turmile since my psychotherapy assessment and although I still do not understand something very important has happened as a result

When I expeirenced my flashback, He asked me what did I feel ? I could not answer as I did not know what I was feeling... No one has ever asked what do I feel... I knew I felt tremendous fear but had no idea as to what my other emotions were.. This has really bothered me so every time I had a flashback I asked myself what it was I was feeling... I know now I feel FEAR and DEEP DEEP SHAME and HUMILIATION. I now know why I have not been able to communicate my feelings as I did not know what they were. The realization of my emotions has now left me feeling extremly low,


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## BrokenHearted

Turned down for psychotherapy
becaause I cannot speak

My shame and humiliation
The pain is to deep

I feel so useless so utterly weak
I am so abnormal and such a freak.

I am so thick and stupid
I feel real bad
Who can help me
Nobody can.


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## David Baxter PhD

I don't understand this practice at all, Brokenhearted. To deny someone psychotherapy because they have trouble speaking about their issue(s) seems unethical and immoral to me.

Can anyone in the UK or familiar with practices in the UK offer any advice or information about this situation?


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## BrokenHearted

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME I AM FINDING IT REALLY HARD TO STAY


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## jkb

Just To Say I Hope You Found A Friend Or Someone With Whom You Could Talk To And That We Are Here To Listen.


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## ThatLady

You're finding it hard to stay where, hon? Also, what do you mean when you say you cannot speak? Are you just unable to verbalize your problems comfortably, or are you literally tongue-tied and unable to utter a word?

I know nothing of the intricacies of receiving help with emotional conditions in the UK, since I'm from the US; however, it sounds like you're having one heck of a time. I'd like to help, but really don't know what I can do. We can offer you support here, and a place to talk (without really "talking", which is kinda nice sometimes).


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## David Baxter PhD

Anyone reading this from the UK, please post - or if you'd rather not but have a suggestion that might help Brokenhearted, click on the little envelope under my name or one of the moderators (e.g., ThatLady just above) and email us the information.


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## Lana

I'm in Canada  but was able to find this through good ole Google. Maybe it'll shed some insight

UK Health And Social Care Topics

There is an interesting link on that page that talks about policy and performance
Mental Health

I sincerely hope we can find a way to get you some needed help, BrokenHearted.


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## Lana

Here's another link to a PDF that talks about 





> Treatment choice in psychological therapies and counselling: Evidence based clinical practice guideline
> 
> These clinical practice guidelines were developed to aid decisions about which forms of psychological therapy are most appropriate for which patients. They address who is likely to benefit from psychological treatment, and which of the main therapies available in the NHS is most appropriate for which patients. They also consider which other factors need to be taken into consideration. The guidelines have been produced by a multi-disciplinary guideline development group, led by the British Psychological Society, and they have undergone extensive independent scientific review.



It has a link where the PDF can e downloaded.


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## BrokenHearted

Thank you for listening JKG

Hi Thatlady

I am finding it quite hard to keep my consentration at the moment but I will try and explain. If I am repeating myself please excuse me I cannot remember what I have already said.

I felt unable to verbalize what I was feeling I did not know what the feeling was and why I was behaving the way I was. There was so many shocks that had occurred with no resolution insight... I know I need to come to terms with my situation as there is no solution but I feel devastated.. I feel such a failure... I blame myself I feel uselless and worthless ... I suppose this is how I felt as a child hense the flashbacks... My childhood stutter had returned and I could not stop shaking... I now know why... 

I can speak it is just that my mind keeps going blank. On my last assessment I told the psychologist my revelation of being shamed and humiliated alhough I was unable to go into to much detail as to why I felt this way. He said he thought that I needed something more stuctured as I still could not speak properly [ story of my life I never have been able to speak properly ] I know he never ment it in this way I really tried but felt so uncomfortable.   

I do not know how I can be helped because I was told I was to stupid to learn how to read and write. I went throgh my schooling achieving nothing as I was always in anticipation but as I now know it was fear of being shamed and humiliated again. 

I have repetitive thoughts to cut my wrist.. I am no good.. it is not logical because the easiest way would be to take an overdose. 

Thank you David and Lana

I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply, I felt to scared to look I have isolated myself and felt alone. I started this post yesterday I find it difficult to write I am really sorry about my previous post. I just felt tottally overwhelmed. 

Thank you all


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## ThatLady

Well, sweetheart, as I see it you "speak" very well in this venue. In my experience, it isn't unusual for people to have real trouble verbalizing what hurts them deeply. It's just not something that's easily talked about. Perhaps, if you write it down (even type it out, like you do here, then print it) and take that to your therapist, you can get across the essence of what you're trying to deal with.

You're not bad. You're not a failure. You're a person who's undergone some very difficult trials and is trying very hard to deal with the aftermath of those trials while simultaneously living life...which has its everyday ups and downs. If you think of it that way, you'll realize that you're just like many of the rest of us...you're not worthless, or unworthy of love and care. You're you, a person we're glad to have as one of us.


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## BrokenHearted

roblem is that I do not have a theripist. I have answered approximatly three hundred questions and have been turned dowm twice for different therapies. At my last assessment I was told if he put me through for another therapy there would be a lot more questions to answer. I feel totally demoralized.


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## BrokenHearted

Sorry pressed wrong button,

Thatlady I really appriciated your kind words and advice

Thank you


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## BrokenHearted

Really really low so depressed. I keep searching for answers but nothing seems to fit. How can anyone help if I cannot seem to help myself... I'm so fed up living like this. My day turns into a week... My week turns into a month.... month turns into a year eighteen months later... I'm still unable to move on... Feels like I have been frozen in time.

My day consists of getting up.... getting washed and dressed or maybe not... Doing what is required... cooking cleaning washing... I cannot seem to motivate myself to do anything... even having conversations with other family members seems like such an effort... nothing seems to matter anymore... I do not go out and socialize anymore choosing to cut myself off from everyone... I cannot seem put on a false front anymore pretending that I'm happy when I'm not...I hate being this way but feel unable to control how I feell... I don't want my friends and family seeing me like this as they have always known me to be a happy person someone who always bounces back regardless of what life throws at you... I know they are there to help me but I keep pushing everyone away...I don't know why.. It makes me feel really bad as I know they feel helpless as to how and help me... Sorry to be so negative I just can't see anything positive

What I was wondering about if it is possible for a person to regress back to a former emotional state of mind when you were helpless and unable to express your thoughts and feelings and so therefore lost your sense of identity.... In other words who you are what you think and feel... My situation was hopeless and I was helpless as to what to do... The last time I would have felt like this is when i was a child... This is the only explaination I have managed to come up with as to my present situation.... I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else 

I'm so messed up and confused trying to find answers to my problems feels like I'm going round in circles and getting no where... If the above is a possibility that means I have lived my life never really knowing who I was... where do I go from here... Why do I not feel anger hate and bitterness as to what happened to me... how do I move on if I'm so disconnected.... 

I don't know how much longer I can go on like this... I feel I'm just exsisting... I don't see a future and if my future is what it is now what is the point.

Any thoughts or suggestions.... Any books that anyone could recommend that may be of help. I would appreciate any help... I feel quite desperate.

Thanks


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## David Baxter PhD

I am at a loss here. I do not understand a system that tells someone they don't 'qualify' for psychotherapy - maybe i just don't understand the health system over there but it makes no sense to me at all.

In general, I think there are some helpful resources in Resources, Self-Help Exercises, Readings, especially:

Feelings and the Thoughts That Control Them

Good books on Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT): David Burns

The Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking

See also:

Depression

Anxiety

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Adult Survivors

I can't recall if you are currently taking any medications - if not, perhaps you could talk to your family doctor about this. I would assume you don't need to be "accepted" into psychotherapy for that.

Your doctor might also know about support groups that wouldn't have that bizarre "acceptance" policy. If not, send me your location and I'll see what i can find in the way of support groups.


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## BrokenHearted

Thank you Dr Baxter for the links

Ido not know what to do with myself I feel so incredille low... 

I'm on an antipressent mirtazapine 45mg.... They feel that medication is not going to help in my case. I think because it is reactionary.

Thanks for your help....I really do appriciate it 

Thanks


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## Cat Dancer

> What I was wondering about if it is possible for a person to regress back to a former emotional state of mind when you were helpless and unable to express your thoughts and feelings and so therefore lost your sense of identity.... In other words who you are what you think and feel... My situation was hopeless and I was helpless as to what to do... The last time I would have felt like this is when i was a child... This is the only explaination I have managed to come up with as to my present situation.... I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else



I just wanted to say that I can relate to this. I can relate to a lot of the things you said in your post. I believe there is hope for you. 

Maybe your doctor could try a different antidepressant. Some work better for some people.


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Janet

Thank you for understanding and believing there is hope for me. It does help somewhat to know I'm not the only peron to feel like this...You and others on this forum are an inspiration to us all... Thank you'

I'm really scared about going to the doctors and telling him that the medication is not working... I'm frightened in case he wants to send me the hopital... I have never been in one and it scares me.

thanks


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## ThatLady

Usually, hon, other antidepressant medications will be tried before resorting to hospitalization. Hospitalization is a last-ditch effort, not an early choice. I don't think it's something to worry about in your case. You probably just need a different medication.


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## BrokenHearted

Really bad day yesterday I could not stop crying... I went to bed last night telling myself things would probably seem different in the morning... I hardly slept at all. 

You are right Thatlady maybe a different antidepressant would help... I will make a appointment to see the doctor... I suppose I'm overreacting and seeing the worse possible case scenario... My mother is seriously ill and I do not want to add to her worries.


Thanks for advice


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## Holly

Hi BrokenHearted,
I just wanted to let you know your in my thoughts, I hope the medication/are change in medication will help you during this time. 
If your under stress meds sometimes may not work as well at first. 
With your mother being ill, you may want to give your self time to see how it works. 
I know when my mother was ill my body felt not normal, with not much sleep I am sure you feel changes also. 
I hope you have a better week, Brokenhearted. 
 ALL THE BEST TAKE CARE


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Holly

Thanks for your kind words of comfort it means so much to me. I don't know what I would have done without this forum so many loving caring people. 

I can relate to the body changes I feel so sick and bloated and with my blacks eyes through lack of sleep I look like a panda bear.

Thanks again

Take care


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Dr Baxter 

I just wanted to let you know I am internaly grateful for all your help and support. The links you gave me were very helpful... You have a wonderful webb site I'm so pleased I found it.... I can't express my gratitude to you and others on this forum... you are truly a life saver

Thank you all so much


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## Cat Dancer

I just wanted to say that I think it is a good idea to talk with your doctor about medication changes. I agree with ThatLady, I doubt that would cause you to be hospitalized. I really hope you can find the right medication and get some relief from all this pain inside.


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## ThatLady

I'm really sorry to hear your mother is ill, hon. I do hope she feels better soon. In the meantime, while taking care of her is important, be sure not to forget that taking care of yourself is just as important. Lotsa hugs coming your way.


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## BrokenHearted

Janet I have phoned to try and get an appointment with the doctor hopefuly I will hear back from them tomorrow.

Thatlady I am not so sure my mum will get better... she has one blocked heart artery and one narrowed one... she had a heart attack in february and it was deemed to be inoperable at that time... The doctors are going to review her situation in june... I really hope that thay can do something for her.

Thanks for the hugs I could really do with some right now.......

Take care


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## ThatLady

With one blocked artery and one partially blocked artery, why are they saying the condition is inoperable? I'd ask some questions of the doctors to determine why they feel they cannot operate, and what treatment they are proposing in lieu of surgery. It's always good to ask questions and insist on being informed of the reasons behind decisions being made.


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Thatlady

The reason why the doctors were unable to operate was because the clot was to deep I'm unsure exactly what thay mean by that but I'm assuming the clot was to close to the heart. Thay said to do any other procedure at this present time would be deprimental to her. Thay felt that the best coarse of action was to give the heart a chance to heal as there is damage to it. Thay have put her on a number of different medications in the mean time and hope to review her situation in june. .. We are all extremely concerned about her and can only hope and pray that thay will be able to do something for her. 

Take care


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## Cat Dancer

I hope the best for your mom. 

I hope also that your doctor has gotten back with you or will soon.


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## ThatLady

Hmm. There must be something we don't know here. Normally, if arteries in the heart are blocked, a coronary artery bypass graft (CABG) procedure can be done to route blood around the blockages. Multiple bypasses are possible, and the surgery is very common these days.

Arteries aren't usually blocked by clots, but by plaque buildup. A heart attack happens when a partially blocked artery is completely shut off by either a clot, or a piece of plaque that has broken loose from vessel walls. If it's a clot that causes the complete blockage, said clot can often be dissolved, if it's caught quickly enough. If not, the patient is placed on a blood thinner (like heparin) to allow the clot to eventually dissipate, or pass on through.

Does your mother have any other conditions that might be complicating things?


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## David Baxter PhD

Could it be age-related, TL? Might it be that they are worried about her ability to weather either the surgery or the anesthetic?

How old is your mom, Brokenhearted?


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## ThatLady

These days, at least here in the States, bypass surgery is done for people in their 70's, provided there are no comorbid conditions. With only about a 3% failure rate, it's a pretty good bet to add another ten or so years to the life of a relatively healthy person. That's what got me wondering. I think there must be something here that the family isn't understanding correctly.


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Thatlady

After my mum had her heart attack she was kept in hospital for a month while waiting to be 
transfered to another hospital that specializes in heart conditions. We were led to believe that thay were going to do the procedure that you mentioned. it was heartbreaking as my mother was told thay were going to go ahead with it and was prepped to go to theater and at the last minute it was cancelled. Thay were not happy to go ahead untill a top consultant gave his opinion as to what could be done. My mother sat in the hospital a further four days watching people having that procedure done and going home within fortyeight hours.

My mums present situation is that she can not lay down to sleep she has a continual cough and fluid on the right lung. She is being monitered in out patients every two weeks. She is on heparin. 

Dr Baxter I do not think it is anything to do with age as to why thay cannot do the procedure although she does have other health problems. She is seventy years old. My mum and dad have private health care insurance and I think if thay could do anything thay would have. My dad was so frantic he offered to pay them with his own money but thay said it was not in her best interest to do anything at the present time.


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## BrokenHearted

Thanks Janet I hope that thay will be able to do something for her in june.

I have a appointment to see the doctor at the end of may. I'm feeling quite stressed out as I have been told to decrease my medication by 15mg OMG I can't believe it I just had a phone call will talk later


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## ThatLady

Is your mother a smoker (or ex-smoker), or does she have asthma? I'm asking in an effort to learn a little more about her condition. If she has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), that could be a reason for the doctors to hesitate in going ahead with open heart surgery; particularly, with the fluid present in the lung. Pneumonia is a very real threat under these conditions, and it could be extremely difficult to get your mother off a ventilator (which would have to be used during the surgery). Have they "tapped" the lung at all (put in a tube to pull off the fluid)?

Fluid on the lung can be caused by heart failure, or by a lung condition. I'm trying to determine which condition is being dealt with here. It sounds as though the doctors are trying to get the fluid to dissipate before they proceed. As a side note, the coughing isn't a bad thing, hon. It helps to get that fluid up and out of the lung, and most people who have breathing difficulties find they sleep better if they're sitting at least partially erect. It helps, as well, to be sure your mother moves often when she sleeps in order to keep the fluid mobile and avoid infection.

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through all this. It's so very difficult when a family member is really sick and there's nothing to be done but wait. Everyone feels so helpless and frustrated. Please, keep us informed as to her progress. Hopefully, the doctors will be able to get the fluid build-up under control so they can go ahead with treatment for the heart problems.


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Thatlady

I'm feeling really really stressed out my dad colapsed today he was taken to hospital thay want him to see a neurolgist. He was walking the dog became really dizzy and could not see he was disoriented and could not remember what happened. He has had a headache I'm really worried what is wrong thay have let him out of the hospitall but he is not to be left alone. He has been told to see the doctor on monday to arrange to see a nerologist. 

I'm sorry I can't think straight


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## Cat Dancer

I'm so sorry about that. Please keep us updated if you can and if you feel like it.

You and your mom and dad are in my thoughts.


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## ThatLady

Oh, dear, hon! You're the poster family for "When it rains, it pours" right now! I'm so sorry! 

There are a couple of things that could have caused your father's problem. Do you know what kind of tests they ran in the hospital? A CAT scan would be used to see if there was a stroke, or some other problem within the brain. Sometimes, a TIA (Transient Ischemic Attack), or mini-stroke, can cause this type of symptom. Treatment for that usually involves being placed on oral blood thinning medication to reduce the incidence of clots. Does your father take an aspirin daily? Does he have any medical conditions that you know of?


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## BrokenHearted

Janet I'm sorry about yesterday my mind was all over the place.

Hi Thatlady

My mum does smoke... She does not have asthma or pheumonia although she does have a pump to keep her airways open. Her lung has not been tapped but thay did give her a drug that seemed to ease the pain she was having. The family do believe that she has heart failure although we have not been told that by anyone. She is taking sixteen different medications a day for blood pressure thyroid duretics stomach heart and has a angina pump. 

You are absolutely right " when it rains, it pours" I do not know which one I should be more concerned about at this present time.

My dad is seventy five he has had cancer of the bowel and liver but has been clear now for six years. He is very active for his age plays golf three times a week and also plays bowls. He does take one asprin a day.

At the hospital thay did check his blood pressure urine reflexes blood and memory recall. I assume the referral to the neurologist would be for him to have a CAT scan.

I was wondering could this possibly be stress related.

Thanks for listening

Take care


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## ThatLady

Yes, hon, it could be stress related. You'll know more when a CAT scan is done. In the meantime, I'll be thinking about your family and hoping that things start to turn around for all of you.

Considering your mother's illnesses, it's easier to understand why the doctors were reluctant to operate. Hopefully, they'll be able to get her in a bit better shape and then try a bypass. In the meantime, all you can do is offer your support and your love. Many times, those things are what tips the balance.


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## Cat Dancer

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, Brokenhearted.


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Janet

You really are a very thoughtful caring person, Sometimes the least said can mean so much more. Thank you for thinking of me.

My dad seems to be ok, The doctor thinks that it was a possible mini stroke or something to do with his pituitary gland. 

I was in a bit of a state over the weekend as the psychiatrist had suggested that I was to decrease my medication by 15mg a week.. I was quite panicked and felt unable to do so without having anything else to take its place... I was really worried that I would not be able to control my thoughts or actions of self harm [ no history of self harm ] or suicide. I went to see him on monday and he said I could take extra diazepam untill he could start me on a new antidepressent venlafaxine

The psychiatrist has told me that he has heard back from the pschotherapy unit and that thay believe I have PTSD thay have recomended trauma therapy to help me deal with flash backs.

I have told the psychiatrist that I do not believe my condition will improve with medication. The therapy may help with flashbacks but that still leaves me with parts of myself that are not intergrated. I do not feel anger and hate... I fear anger. He has told me that I have repressed my anger... How do I intergrate myself if I knew how to I would... Every book I read mentions anger and I can not relate to it although I know I should.

If anyone has any suggestions on books regarding intergration or any other alternative approach I could use I would be most grateful


Take care


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## Cat Dancer

Hi there. 

I was reading back over your posts and saw where you were called stupid a lot? I think that is so very sad and so untrue. You're very articulate and intelligent. I can tell that. I'm sorry you were hurt like that. 

I am glad your father seems to be ok. 'Hopefully his doctor can figure out what happened and treat it. 

I really, really hope you are able to get into therapy. 

I can relate to fearing anger. I think for me I am afraid that if I let myself feel anger then it will be so much it will overwhelm me and something bad will happen, that I will have a breakdown or something. But it seems like not feeling it isn't good either. Maybe anger turns into other things, like self hate or depression or anxiety. I'm not sure. 

I will try to look around on the internet for some books or articles or something about this. I can't think of any that I've ever seen, but I haven't really looked either. I'll see what I can find.

Hope your weekend goes well.


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## BrokenHearted

Janet I'm sorry about the delay in replying to your post but i'm finding it quite hard to stay focused.

Thank you for the compliment and understanding how negative input given as a child can affect the way you percieve yourself as an adult.

I'm sure my father will be ok, it is just a case of waiting for the test results to come through.

I can understand your reluctance to feel your anger and being overwhelmed by it, also I believe you are right about anger turning into other things. The mind is so complex everyone is unique what may be right for one person would not necessarily mean it would be right for another person. I admire your strength and courage, I'm amazed you have never had counselling... How do you cope when you are feeling overwhelmed... I hope you do not mind me asking.

I have been reflecting back over my consultation with psychiatrist and something that he said, which was that it would be very painful and overwhelming to deal with my past. I have thought about this long and hard , I'm left wondering do thay really understand that I am already overwhelmed with my feelings... how can it be any more painful than it already is... 

It is really nice of you to try and help me and I do appreciate you looking for any information that may help me... Bless you and thank you.

Take care


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## Cat Dancer

Don't ever worry about responding to me. I understand how it can be. I don't want you to worry about that at all. 

I'm still looking for articles about repressed anger. There are lots of articles about how to deal with anger that you do feel. I'm going to keep looking. I'm interested in this topic too. 

Anyway, take care and hang on.


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## BrokenHearted

Thanks Janet


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## Cat Dancer

This book looks good:

When Anger Scares You: How to Overcome Your Fear of Conflict and Express Your Anger in Healthy Ways 

I'll keep looking.


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## David Baxter PhD

This one is pretty good, I think:

Lerner, Harriet G. The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. HarperCollins, 1989

Some other books are listed on this page (scroll down).


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## Holly

Hi Janet,
The Book Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Author: Harriet Lerner, is a great book!
Anyone one that is good is Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends
Author: Bruce Fisher
Take care Janet.


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## JA

Hi BrokenHearted, 

I had been away for a little while and just read you posts. I just want to say I wish you luck with therapy, I hope it will help. The flashbacks you described did make it look more like PTSD than depression, although it's hard to tell just like that... I'm glad you seem to be on the right track  

Take care


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Janet

I agree with you, the book looks very interesting and appropriate, thanks for finding it for me, I look forward to reading it.

Thank you Dr Baxter for your recommendations

Take care


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Ja

I think luck is the operative word, There must be something fundamentally wrong with me. I do not understand the concept of what you need to do in order to be accepted for therapy. I think I'm past caring.... Maybe some people cannot be helped.

Sorry I just feel low 


Thanks anyway


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## Cat Dancer

I'm sorry, Brokenhearted. 

I think you can be helped. It sounds like you're stuck in a bad system and can't get help because of that, but it's not about you. It's just a very bad system. 

I wish there was more I could do or say. 

Have you heard back from your psychiatrist about psychotherapy? 

Janet


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## BrokenHearted

Hi Ja

I feel really awfull, I have reread my post to you, I'm so so sorry, i don't know what is wrong with me, my mind seems to be all over the place at the moment, I think I saw the word THERAPY and went to pieces, but that is not an excuse. I am really grateful that you took the time to read my posts and wish me luck... I'm truly sorry

Thanks again

Take care


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## BrokenHearted

Janet I just wanted to say, You have been more than helpful to me, You have a wonderful way of reaching out to others who are in distress and helping them in any way that you can. You have a lot of truly lovely qualities about you... 

My psychiatrist has referred me to trauma therapy, This would involve a further assessment as to my suitability, although he has stated that unless this is guaranteed he does not want me to go ahead with it... He was quite helpful... I'm unsure what I feel about this as I do not know what trauma therapy involves?

Take care


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## David Baxter PhD

It's not a type of therapy per se. It sounds more like he's referring you to a specific clinic or group or that he's referring you to someone with a recommendation for focusing on your reactions to various traumatic experiences (or possibly PTSD).


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## BrokenHearted

Thanks for the information Dr Baxter, I think I will need to consider how beneficial this kind of therapy would be for me. If it is a group thing then it will be definitely out of the question.

Thanks


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## David Baxter PhD

I think what you need to do is talk to your doctor to get more information. As I said, the term "trauma therapy" isn't very specific - it could mean a number of things. Ask the doctor what s/he meant by that before you make any decisions.


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## BrokenHearted

I think you are right Dr Baxter, I do need more relevent information before making a decision, I will talk to the doctor.


Thanks


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## Cat Dancer

thank you for saying that, Brokenhearted.


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