# I'm not sure anymore ..



## Kman (Mar 27, 2015)

- IM NOT SURE WHERE TO POST THIS - Im at my witts end . im not suicidal or anything . but my life is a never ending cycle of get up , and immediately just want to go to sleep again . i never leave my house because i have this irrational fear of people , major issue . and i struggle with depression and have for years . i recently applied for ODSP seeing as how i have never really had a real job before . at all , my anxiety makes it way to overwhelming to even go for an interview .. im always a wreck . therefore i rarely do it .i live at home with very supportive parents , but no matter how much they encourages me .. it seems to always make me feel like im coming up short . i have no friends , but i do have a wonderful girlfriend . but the relationship has been taking a hit because i just can't care . i just dont have it in me , im always just so sad , i feel like im undeserving of it . im always letting her down on her birthdays and Christmas , or having plans fall though cause i can't get enough money together . which brings me to my ODSP . its been 41 business days and i haven't heard anything .. i know they have 90 days , but its depressing getting up and immediately going to the mail box only to find it empty . im terrified of being denied . i can't go though another summer sitting in side doing nothing . i realize no matter what my anxiety's wont just go away with a source of income .. but it would give me confidence in knowing that i can buy my own things with out having to ask someone . its terrible . im 21 for Christ sake , i couldn't feel more like a loser . ive heard it all my life . no matter what i do ( blocking it out , faking it till i make it , ive tried being nice to myself and seeing if that helps ) ( im usually always down on myself ) but nothing has changed . im still just sad and scared . i cant really even comfortably talk to anyone ( i have though ) .. i just feel so left out and left behind in my own life .. my house is like a prison with no bars . and it scares me. and that's only the tip of the ice berg .


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## Retired (Mar 27, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

You stated in another post you have a supportive family doctor and a psychiatrist's report.

What treatment are you receiving for your anxiety and depression?


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## Mari (Mar 27, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

Kman, you are very articulate and I hope you have told your doctor(s) how you feel as clearly as you have written it here. A few years ago I attended a number of workshops and one of them was about ODSP so I do know the basic process. Patience is definitely required! It could be good to focus on interests or activities you have so that your worry about the mail is not the major focus. One time when my anxiety was extremely high my doctor said to me ?things will happen when they happen?. I am not sure why but just hearing that calmed me down. I hope you do not have to wait too long.


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## Kman (Mar 29, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

im taking paxal ( not sure how to spell it ) and i was seeing a psychiatrist , but the idea of spilling my guts to someone i don't even know is kindof unsettling to me . in person anyways . anxiety and irrational fears have controlled me for so long i kinda forget what its like to not have a weight on my shoulders . but i have an appointment for a psychiatrist in the up coming week .


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## Retired (Mar 29, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*



> the idea of spilling my guts to someone i don't even know is kindof unsettling to me



Your concern is not entirely unusual, and often that concern can be resolved once some important facts are understood.

A doctor, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, an auto mechanic...these are all service providers and they are all professionals (with different levels of training and skills, of course)...but the point is a professional should never be judgemental about a client's issues, but rather a professional asks for a description of the symptoms of the problem, in order to use their expertise to provide some options for correcting the problem.

When you report to your auto mechanic your car doesn't run right, I don't think the mechanic really cares whether you washed your car that morning or not..the mechanic wants to know the symptoms that are causing the problem.

It's pretty much the same with a mental health specialist, who has undergone extensive training, and has seen and interviewed hundreds and perhaps thousands of people with just about every kind of problem imaginable.

Because her/his professional training has been so extensive, there is nothing that you might say that has not been heard or seen before.

Your relationship with the psychiatrist is not intended to be the same as it would be in a personal relationship.  See your interview with your psychiatrist as going in for a tune up of your emotional and psychological state, where you tell the doctor what doesn't seem to be working right, and the doctor will provide some "repair" options.

As you are an articulate person, consider writing out a page or two listing your concerns and the fears you are dealing with.  Give it to the doctor when you come through the door, and let the doctor do the rest.

Does that sound like a strategy that might work for you?


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## forgetmenot (Mar 29, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

Let us know how your appt goes ok  and i do know that it can be hard to open up but try ok  You doctor is there to help you not harm you    How long have you been on paxil  it may need to be changed a bit if it is not working


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## Kman (Mar 29, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

I never really thought about it like that . . and that seems to be something that might work . ill for sure give it a try . thank you so very much


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## Kman (Apr 8, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

Still waiting on ODSP and waiting to get an appointment to see a psych


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## Mari (Apr 9, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

I think that it would now be an additional 5 business days which gives a total of 46 business days so you/they are more than half way to the allotted time. Have you received any acknowledgement from ODSP that they received your application?


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## Kman (Apr 17, 2015)

*Re: Im not sure anymore ..*

yeah , i started the bussines days on the day i got a letter that they got it , ( about 2 days after i sent it in ( i overnighted it ) ) which was 54 bussines days ago


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