# I don't know what to do



## SteveM (Dec 16, 2005)

Is it possible that I have had a mental disorder from my childhood that has gone undiagnosed?

Recent events in my life have made me question my religion my validity as a human and my right to remain alive.

My wife of ten years seemed to experience what they call a psychotic depression episode and she says she asked me to take her to the hospital which she never did, instead she left the house after a conversation and never came back. come to find out she went to a neighbors house who drove her to the local hospital where she became violent and was sent to the psychology clinic under a temporary restraint order.... she explicitly told the care givers to not talk to me so I was out of my mind with worry for a period of about 11 hours.... then her friend from another state called me and told me where she was.... for the last week Iâ€™ve not slept more then 10 -15 min at a shot with several hours worry in-between.... come to find out that she has been telling her family some very negative things about me like " he's tried to kill me twice, he tried to strangle me once.... he want's me out of the picture so he can bring his new girlfriend and her three kids into our home...." ands so on

I love my wife other then a time where when she was experiencing so medical problems and I looked at pornography to release tensions I have not once looked at another person in an unfaithful way...

Now she still believes that I want a divorce and I'm trying to kill her and she has convinced it seems everyone she's talked to that I am Satan on earth. I've been under tremendous stress over the last two weeks and may have lost my job over this and now with the possibility of loosing my only reason for waking each day because she hates me.... makes me want to just curl up and die....

I'm not saying I am an angle... I'm probably far from it I retired from the military after twenty years and still have the sailors mouth.... my wife says I talk in hateful tones because the military trained me to speak emotionlessly about things and she say that I always sound angry... that is why I ask is there something wrong with me that I need to seek help for?


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 16, 2005)

Step 1 is to stabilize your wife's mental status. You indicate that she has been diagnosed with "psychotic depression" and your description of her behavior certainly sounds delusional. Resist taking what she says at this point to heart... chances are she won't even recall what she's now saying or thinking once she is stabilized on medication.

Step 2 is, once she has recovered from her current crisis, to seek some couples counseling with a psychologist who has an understanding not only of relationships issues but also depression and psychotic illnesses. Do not simply go to a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) unless that person has had additoinal training beyond what is required for MFT certification. Your situation is not a run of the mill marriage counseling situation by any means.


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## SteveM (Dec 16, 2005)

*it seems so useless*

here i sit for the 6th night in a row with very little sleep, _<Admin edit: triggering details deleted. please see forum rules>_... 

my wife who just recently had a psychotic depression episode and was detained in the area psychology clinic has made it quite clear that the reason she is there is me.... she has told alot of people I tried to kill her.... so of course all the councelers think i'm some sort of ted bundy or charles manson.

I can't eat,sleep and i don't even care about work or my school anymore.... the pain of hearing what my wife has told so many people is just like an elephant standing on my chest, it hurts and i can barely breathe...

I truely hate myself, and looking back on my life it seems alot of people feel the same way.


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## SteveM (Dec 16, 2005)

David, she is suposedly going to be released tomorrow verified by the facility so she knows exactly what she's saying as she says it was an imbalace in medication that caused the episode she's been taking zoloft for about 3 years..... and the whole time she has been telling family on her side some nasty things about me while all i have done is praise her....


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 16, 2005)

There's something missing here then. First, the part about Zoloft and an "imbalance in medication" causing a psychotic episode doesn't make sense. Either it wasn't a psychotic episode or there's more to the story. Second, if she's been non-delusional for 3 years or more and complaining to the family about her husband, there's again something more to this story. 

Are you certain of her diagnosis? or are you just relaying what she has told you?

How old is she? Any previous history in her or her extended family that might be relevant? Why is she taking the Zoloft? What was her diagnosis/diagnoses prior to this episode? Is there any family history of thyroid disorder? Does she have children? What is her alcohol/drug use history?


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## SteveM (Dec 16, 2005)

I'm only repeating what she has told me because the councelors and the facility refuse to talk to me like i was a human with emotions of my own trying to deal with the mountain of stress without help.

she is 50, the reason she was taking the zolft was for depression, prior to this the only diagnosis was depression, no history of thyroid disorder and she has one child from a previous marriage, light alcohal usage, glass of wine once in like a month as far as i know.

I talked to the suicide hotline for about two hours last night it kept me from hurting my self today but what about tomorrow or the next day?I don't know what to do


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 16, 2005)

Given her age, I'd guess she is in menopause. That may well be contributing to the problem.

Suicide is not a solution for you, Steve, let alone *the* solution. That won't change anything and nothing will be solved.

Has she been talking about wanting to separate or anything along those lines in the past few months or year?


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## Underwater (Dec 24, 2005)

Hi Steve,

Although I can't say anything closely resembling what David has told you, I do believe I can say this:

I am a volunteer listener for a crisis/ suicide prevention hotline, and you should know that you are not alone in dealing with this awful situation. Has anything new developed in the past week or so? It must be really tough to go through, especially around the holidays.

How was your wife prior to this psychotic depressive episode? All I can say, is that if David is correct in stating that your wife is going through menopause, that my mother was an absolute terror to live with. A woman who was previously very sweet and kind turned into a raging beast who would fly off the handle at the drop of a hat/ spilled milk/ etc. 

I really feel for you. Hang in there.


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## Retired (Dec 24, 2005)

Underwater,

Welcome to Psychlinks! I noticed you are based in Montreal.

In my own volunteer support work, I recently needed to refer someone to a suicide crisis line in Montreal.  All the services that I could identify, provided support in French whereas the person in question needed an English speaking service.

Does the crisis line you are volunteering with provide service to English speaking callers or can you give me info on where an English speaker can be referred?

Thanks for any information you can provide.

Regards and Happy Holidays!


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## Underwater (Dec 24, 2005)

Yes, the line does offer English-based service. Here is the number:

(514) 935-1101

It's funny that you mention that the only available lines you could find were French-speaking. When I first went through my training, they needed Anglophone people very badly, and had previously had a tough time finding enough volunteers. Perhaps this is a recent development.


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## Retired (Dec 25, 2005)

Thanks for the info. 

  Did you receive your training from the Canadian Mental Health Association?

Merry Christmas!


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