# I hate life



## Thelostchild

I'm so sick and tired of going up and down with emotions I feel depressed and there's no hope and then I think everything is ok. I sometimes think that my meds are not working. I don't know I can't explain any of why I'm feeling low one day and next everything is ok. I feel like      :frown:  I edited out what I wanted to do.


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## Peanut

Hey Em, sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad right now.  But try to remember, like you said yourself, sometimes you feel like everything is OK, so you know you'll feel like that again. I can relate to feeling like your making progress with something on some days and then other days feel like setbacks. I don't know what to say to make you feel better but I wanted to say hi and you'll push through this.


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## Daniel

> I don't know I can't explain any of why Im feeling low one day and next everything is ok.



For better or worse, this is perfectly normal with chronic, "unipolar" depression, at least the variety of depression I have.  My favorite quote about tolerating some emotional instability in one's life is by Kay Jamison, who had manic depression:



> It is, at the end of the day, the individual moments of restlessness, of bleakness, of strong persuasions and maddened enthusiasms, that inform one's life, change the nature and direction of one's work, and give final meaning and color to one's loves and friendships.
> 
> Kay Redfield Jamison - Wikipedia



Anyway, as I get older, my depression is becoming more stable. In other words, unlike some other diseases, depression tends to gets better, not worse, with time.


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## Into The Light

dear tlc, i don't have much time to reply to you right now but i wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you and that i go through the same thing. hang in there and i will respond better when i have more time. take care.


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## Halo

I can relate all to well to how you are feeling TLC. I have been there so many times and wondering whether the meds are actually working. The way I have started to look at it is if I didn't take the medication then I would probably not even have the ok days at all. I think that if I can have a couple ok days now it is better than it was and maybe those ok days will be more and more frequent.

Now I know that it is hard and upsetting but remember that maybe things will get better and you need to hold on to get through the rough times. We are all here for you when you need us to lean on.

Take Care


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## Daniel

Also, medication is just one form of treatment. For me, therapy, exercise, self-help, and the passage of time have helped a lot, with therapy and exercise being the most helpful.


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## Thelostchild

Well it always helps to have your psychologist there. Unfortuntally mine is going to be gone for two weeks? I don't if I could just go see my marriage counselor. And to think this is what im going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. thats a bumber but it I get this from my mom.


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## Thelostchild

I can't exercise and I read allot of self help book my house is starting to look like a library.


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## Daniel

> And to think this is what im going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.



If you are referring to depression, being depressed in one's 20s does not rule out having, for the most part, a happy adulthood in one's 30s and later on.  This may be one reason why the suicide rate is lower for people in their 30s than for people in their 20s (other than the fact that people are more impulsive when they are younger).


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## ThatLady

Daniel  said:
			
		

> And to think this is what im going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If you are referring to depression, being depressed in one's 20s does not rule out having, for the most part, a happy adulthood in one's 30s and later on. This may be one reason why the suicide rate is lower for people in their 30s than for people in their 20s (other than the fact that people are more impulsive when they are younger).
Click to expand...


That's so true, Daniel. I'm living proof! Yet, I remember very well how desolate I felt when I was suffering, so I understand where TLC is coming from. Just hang in there and keep trying, TLC. There is a light at the end of that tunnel, believe me.


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## Thelostchild

maybe its that young people who are in there 20's are not real clear about what they want out of life?


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## ThatLady

That's probably, at least partially, true, TLC. The unknown is always a scary place, and to a young person there's a lot of life ahead and it's all unknown. However, it's possible to mitigate that by making good, solid plans for your future, thinking about what you want to do with your life, and planning how to get there. It doesn't completely eliminate the unknown, but it serves to put a life-plan in place so there will be fewer surprises.


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## Into The Light

hi tlc, looks like you've gotten lots of feedback from others on the forum. i'm going through the ups and downs myself and it is absolutely driving me crazy and i just can't stand it either. some days i think everything is fine and then i am optimistic. other days i feel awful and get discouraged and think i will never get better and life is always going to be a struggle. i think there has been a lot of good feedback and one thing we both need to do is to remember that we do have better days. i know it's incredibly hard to focus on the positive. but maybe next time when you feel like this come read this thread. at least you know you can post your feelings and have caring people support you. half the time all i want is just to know someone cares and that helps me through my lows. let us know if any of this helps.


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## ThatLady

Ack-sin-chew-ate the positive and
E-lim-in-ate the negative and
Hold on to the affirmative and
Don't mess with Mr. In Between! 


Pardon me. I had a musical moment.  :red:  :think: :flowers:


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## Thelostchild

Ware did that come from?


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## ThatLady

It's a really old song, TLC...from even before I was born...probably, even before Dr. Baxter was born! :shocked:

It popped into my head because you and baseballcap had mentioned having those optimistic days. That's basically what the song is saying. You have to put the emphasis on the positive and chase the negatives out of your head.

Like I said, it was just one of those weird times when a musical moment jumps on me!


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## Thelostchild

oh yeah like I know my number my telephone number wont you sing it with me. I found myslef doing that when i was waitting for my therapist one day. weird


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## Thelostchild

oh and I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my throwt.


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## ThatLady

Ick. That's an awful feeling, TLC! Is there anything in particular that's making you anxious right now?


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## Thelostchild

my husband


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## Thelostchild

I had a previous post its under depression and its emotions mixed emotions


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## ThatLady

Ish. I can certainly empathize with that! My ex-husband used to drive me right out of my tree! I used to go into the bathroom and lock the door (it was the only room in the house with a lock on it) just to get away from him! He was always growling and snarling about something. I still can't imagine what joy can be found in a life spent complaining about everything and anything; yet, that was what he did. He still does, but I don't have to listen to it anymore.


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## Thelostchild

Ok I think im ok now I just took some valuim an im really feeling goog. and on top of that I took a really hot bath. wow


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## ThatLady

Glad you're feeling better!


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## Thelostchild

can you tell i can't spell im feeling goog


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## Thelostchild

For the last couple of weeks my life has become a deep depressional hole. Im anxious, aggitated, anxiety, sick I don't feel like eating, my heart goes a hundred miles a hour. Sometimes I can't sit still and im constantly moving around or im trying to find things to keep my mind busy. Or I wont get out of bed all i do is sleep all day I wont get up and take a shower or brush my teeth yuck. and I hardly socialize . I can't express myself without being emotional so I don't. And now I can't sleep because im no longer taking sereqoel . My mind races constanly thinking about things and the more I do the more I feel sick. I have lost 5 pounds.


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## Thelostchild

Ya know what else I think my health is going down hill


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## Thelostchild

And now the vomiting begins.


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## Cat Dancer

Sorry you're feeling so bad. 

Have you talked to your doctor about all this?


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## Thelostchild

I don't know what they do for me. Just send me to a psyk ward. haha


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## foghlaim

TLC.. now that you have brought it up.... is that such a bad idea.. sounds like you could do with a rest from everything.. 

otherwise as janet says.. you need to talk to your doc or therapist about how you are feeling.

and i'm sorry things are not so good for you at the min..

hope you feel a bit better soon.

nsa


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## foghlaim

i never thought i would do that either, but i did, and i didn't do anything to myself, i needed the rest and the meds to help me feel better.. and it worked. 

so when do u see therapist again? or can u contact your own gp?


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## foghlaim

and you won't know unless you go see him or ring him... true???


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## Thelostchild

I see him july 6th. But im going to see my marriage counselor the 28th of june.


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## Daniel

You really need to call your psychiatrist.


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## Halo

I agree with NSA and Daniel that you really need to reach out for support from someone. You sound like you could really use it. I also think that maybe the hospital (as much as you don't want to) would be a good idea as you seem like you are really struggling. At the very least, call someone you trust to talk with.

Take Care 
Nancy


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## Thelostchild

Im waiting for him to call me back maybe i need to sound serious?


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## foghlaim

correct me if i'm wrong but the 6th july is nearly 2wks away.... surely you can ring for earlier apt? I'm glad u see your therapist sooner than the doc... but i think the way you are feeling now.. you could do with something to help u sleep at least.. so please ring at least and explain your situation.. he might be able to offer u something or some kind of help.. You have nothing to lose only the price of a phone call..

you take care ok.. and enuff with the ear piercing..ok.. 

nsa


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## Thelostchild

I don't have anyone to talk to that I trust. I have no friends, nothing. Im alone in this world. thats what it seems


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## foghlaim

i'm glad u called.. doesn't matter how u sound as long as you give him the full picture of how you are feeling these past few weeks ok. 

and if he don't ring back in next hr or two,, ring again.. don't let this go ok.

thinking of you.

nsa

you are NOT alone... it may feel like it.. but u are not alone i assure you.. we are here for you as always..


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## Thelostchild

Its been an hour


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## Halo

If I recall correctly have you not spoken of your mother before and how supportive she is. Can you not call her. Or what about a crisis line I know that they have helped me in the past?


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## Thelostchild

Yeah I have spook with my mom before. Its just that I don't want her to stress and worry over me. and Ive called those crisis things and it was really weird and I felt uncomfortable


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## Halo

I think that if you didn't call your mom and she knew how you were really doing than she would worry anyway. Parents always worry no matter what. It is okay to let her know that you are not doing well and for her to be there for you to support you during this rough time.

In my opinion I would call her.

Nancy


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## Thelostchild

ok so I called him and left him a message again. being serious


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## Halo

I think that making the call is a very smart decision on your part. Do you even know if he is in the office this afternoon?

Nancy


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## Thelostchild

He works out of his house. He has a huge house. I have his home phone, the answering machine phone, and his cell phone. but im not going to call him on his house phone and cell phone I would feel guilt. I know maybe I should


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## Halo

Yes I think that you should considering you really need him right now. If he gave you the numbers than I would use them but only because it is necessary. As long as you don't abuse the numbers than I think calling him in this sort of situation is warranted.

Nancy


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## ThatLady

TLC, your doctor gave you his cell phone number and his home phone number because he wanted you to use them if you really needed them. He wouldn't have given them to you otherwise. This sounds like the time to use one, or both, of them.


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## Thelostchild

I did call him and he was in secion and he got mad at me for calling that home number.


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## Thelostchild

Ok right now i feel like im not getting anyware and support from these frekkin people I even called my normal doc im waiting for a call


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## David Baxter PhD

Call your mother. You are NOT all alone in this world. You DO have people who would help you if they knew you needed help.

Let them in.


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## Thelostchild

I went and got out of the house for a while I went to the library and found nothing. went down to the tattoo shop hung out there and looked for something else I can put on my body. And I have my lorazapam


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## foghlaim

TLC: i just got in home again... i have been wondering about you all night, (my time) i hope you are ok..
if you do come on later and see this post and haven't yet rung yur mom, then please do if you still feel as badly as you did earlier, or even if you don't, and let her know how things are..ok..

did getting out of the house help? i hope so..
thinking of you

nsa.


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## Halo

Hi TLC,

I too just got off from work and thought that I would check in with you to see how you are doing. I notice that you are not online now but I hope things are better for you.

Take care and you are in my thoughts.

Nancy


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## Into The Light

did you call your mom? if she has given support in the past then it makes sense to call her. like someone else said, she will worry about you regardless, that is what moms do. i think she would be happier to know about your situation and be able to help you than to be kept in the dark and feel badly after the fact that she wasnt there for you. she loves you regardless and you do not have to worry she would get angry at you like the doc did. please let us know how you are if you are at all able to.


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## Thelostchild

Everything kind of got out of had between my husband and my mom. and my husband with really upset and peed off. he try busting out his truck window and I stopped him from doing that. and then he was walking and running away and I was trying to stop him and I feel and hurt my leg. And then my mom and husband started to get into eachothers face and thats when I got into my car and ran home and started being self destructive I all most went to the ER.


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## Cat Dancer

Sorry about that, Em.


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## foghlaim

sorry to hear that happened TLC, are you ok? how's your leg? 

try not to S I. tho i know it can be very hard when you are hurt and so frustrated with everything going on around you.  
almost going to the e.r. means you are most probably injured in some way.. are you?


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## ^^Phoenix^^

hi lost child
just checking your still here really, I havn't read the whole thread, just the recent ones and was worried about you after i read about your mum and husband. Hope to hear from you soon
x - robin


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## Thelostchild

Yeah Im still here. And things are better  :roll: My leg is hurtin like heck. but yeah im still here


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## Halo

TLC I am glad to hear that you are are still here 

Nancy


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