# Giving up



## Ashley-Kate (Apr 1, 2012)

I cant breathe i can't think, everything in my life seems to be crashing so fast around me i dont know how to keep up.  I feel like nothing makes sence anymore.  I went to the doctors the other day and i have a lot of health problems as a result of years of anorexia and bulimia, my bone density test has shown to not be so great.  I have literally starved all the vitamins from my body and have a ways to go if i ever want to reach healthy again.  I was hospitalised three weeks ago for a couple of days do to dehydration and potassium problems . my body cant do it anymore,

  At work i am working 45 hour inspight of a medical leave of absence that i have not yet given to my bosses. 

  I am crying all the time and feel simply exhausted i am running my body to its limits and even beyond yet i am soo scared to stop .  I dont want to live anymore i simply dont want to fight.   life seems to be so hard too hard i dont even know how to live my life has been spent tryign to die.. i dont know if i really want to change it anymore i simply feel i am tired of living i am tired of everything i just want it all to stop.


----------



## Mari (Apr 1, 2012)

*Re: giving up*

Dear Ashley, Is there a particular reason that you are not taking the medical leave? It sounds like you need to take care of yourself, not by yourself but with the help of your doctors, family, and friends. You can be healthy again so please do not give up. Hugs.


----------



## Retired (Apr 2, 2012)

*Re: giving up*

You must not give up, Ashley.  Are you still receiving therapy and taking medications?

And as has been asked, whyare you not taking your prescribed medical leave?


----------



## Ashley-Kate (Apr 2, 2012)

I am currently still in therapie and i am also goign to 2 therapie groups every week for the eating disorderI am also on medication although i have recently changed from prozak to cipralex about a week ago.  I have not yet handed in my leave of absence for many reasons probably not great  ones but simply i am beeing trained at the moment for an assistant manager position at work. i am also doing lots of hours and i know very well that my boss has no one to replace me if i leave . i dont want to put them in any trouble..


----------



## Retired (Apr 2, 2012)

Ashley,

If you feel you are in crisis, then your obligation is to look after yourself first.  Your employer will find someone, because if you become too ill to go into work, only you will suffer, and the boss will still have to find someone to replace you.

I always remember what someone told me long ago, "No one on their deathbed was ever heard to say, 'I should have spent more time at the office' ".

Take the time you need for your own care, and hand in your medical leave authorization.  If this was given to you, it's because you need it.


----------



## forgetmenot (Apr 3, 2012)

Hi Ashley  i am sorry you feel so overwhelmed with living hun.   I think stress from work could be pushing you so far under hun.   If you take leave of abscense  you can get stronger and will be able to perform so much better at work    Please hun do what is right for YOU okay  take the time off now so you can put in the work to get you well.   YOU are more important then any job hun  hugs

---------- Post added at 07:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:43 AM ----------

Hi Ashley-Kate  how are you doing today   I hope you have decided hun to take time out for YOU okay  let us know how you are doing hugs


----------



## battleworn (Apr 4, 2012)

With a leave of absence, you could possibly attend a 10-day Vipassana workshop, which perhaps would help you find that glimmer of HEALTH inside you to focus on.


----------



## Cat Dancer (Apr 4, 2012)

I think you should take your leave of absence and take care of yourself for awhile. That will make you healthier and a better employee in the long run. Not that being a good employee is the most important goal. Getting well is the most important thing.


----------



## adaptive1 (Apr 5, 2012)

Take your leave Ash, they can always hire a temporary replacement worker and you need to take care of yourself so they don't have to replace you permanently. You have been through so much, I have seen you feel better before. You can do it again.


----------

