# Blonde Jokes



## Halo (Jan 8, 2008)

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?" 

The agent replies, "Just a minute..." 

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 8, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*

:lol:


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 8, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*



Why is it blonde jokes are so hilarious?


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## Into The Light (Jan 8, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zamboni

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.


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## sister-ray (Jan 9, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*


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## Mari (Jan 9, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*



> Why is it blonde jokes are so hilarious?



Maybe because we are so cute? :dimples: Mari


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## lallieth (Jan 9, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*

hahahahahahha


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## Cat Dancer (Feb 16, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. 

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

======================================

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. 

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. 

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said.... FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.


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## Halo (Feb 16, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Joke*

:love-it:  Those are too funny :lol:


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## lallieth (Feb 25, 2008)

*Smart Blonde Joke*

SMART BLONDE JOKE

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"


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## Banned (Feb 25, 2008)

*Re: Smart Blonde Joke*

HAHA  Good one.  Reminds me of the time I dropped my car off at the dealership for an oil change while I went on holidays.  Told them not to rush - they had a week.  Parked my car for free!


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## Meg (Feb 26, 2008)

*Re: Smart Blonde Joke*

That was a good one - it even made my husband laugh and he is pretty hard to impress with jokes


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## Halo (Mar 11, 2008)

*Blonde In Winter*

Michael and his wife live in Toronto.  One winter morning  while listening to CFRB, they hear the announcer say, 'We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of  snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through. Michael's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, 'We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through.' Michael's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, 'We are expecting 12 to 14 i nches of snow today. You must park......', then the electric power goes out. 

Michael's wife is very upset and, with a worried look on her face, she says, 'Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?'

With the love and understanding in Michael's voice, as all the men who are married to blondes exhibit, Michael says, 'Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"


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## lallieth (Mar 12, 2008)

*Re: Blonde In Winter*

Hahahahahahah

I have sent this joke to pretty much everyone i know,thanks for the good laugh Halo!


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## Halo (Mar 12, 2008)

*Re: Blonde In Winter*

Your welcome...my mom actually sent it to my last night and I spit my water all over my computer screen when I read it :rofl:


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## lallieth (Mar 12, 2008)

*Re: Blonde In Winter*



Halo said:


> Your welcome...my mom actually sent it to my last night and I spit my water all over my computer screen when I read it :rofl:


LOl I know how that goes! My mom sends me the raciest jokes she can find


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## Halo (Mar 12, 2008)

*Re: Blonde In Winter*

My mom only learned how to send and receive email about a year ago and is now addicted :lol:  You should see how many emails I get from her a day now mg:


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## Halo (Apr 28, 2008)

*Blonde in Tim Hortons*

A blonde goes into a Tim Horton's and notices there's 
A 'roll up the rim' sticker on her coffee cup. 
So she unfolds it and starts screaming, 
'I've won a motorhome! 
I've won a motorhome!' 
The waitress says,That's impossible. 
The biggest prize is car . 
But the blonde keeps on screaming, 
'I've won a motorhome! 
I've won a motorhome!' 
Finally, the manager comes over and says, 
'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. 
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome 
Because we didn't have that as a prize. 
The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake. 
I've won a motorhome!' 
And she hands the cup to the 
Manager and HE reads...
.
.
.
.
.
'W I N A B A G E L'


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## Lana (Apr 28, 2008)

*Re: Blonde in Tim Hortons*

:lol:


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## SoSo (Apr 28, 2008)

*Re: Blonde in Tim Hortons*

:funny:


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## Halo (May 21, 2008)

*Blonde Handywoman*

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a 'Handywoman' and started canvassing the neighbourhoods.

 She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?' 

The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'  The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. 'You finished already?' the husband asked. 'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added ... 'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus.'


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## ladylore (May 21, 2008)

*Re: Blonde Handywoman*

:lol:


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## Gene53 (Aug 16, 2008)

*She was Soooooooo Blonde*

She was Soooooooo Blonde
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
At the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign here:' she wrote 'Sagittarius.'

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept
She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
Under 'education ' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said 'Concentrate.'
She told me to meet her at the corner of 'WALK' and 'DON'T WALK.'

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She studied for a blood test.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, 'Airport Left,' she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She had a shirt that said 'TGIF,' which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front.'

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

Written by an ex-blonde who has now turned  grey.
:dance:


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## Mari (Mar 13, 2009)

*Smart Blonde*

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?" 
"Eleven," she replied. 

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" 

"Today and tomorrow." 

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. 

"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" 

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." 

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" 

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"


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## Daniel (Mar 13, 2009)

*Re: Smart Blonde*

This is the best blonde joke I have read in a long time


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## NicNak (Mar 13, 2009)

*Re: Smart Blonde*

I agree with Daniel, Mari.  It was a real good joke!  Thanks for sharing Mari.


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## white page (Mar 13, 2009)

*Re: Smart Blonde*

That is very good .  Thank you Mari


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## Halo (Mar 13, 2009)

*Re: Smart Blonde*

That cracked me up :rofl:  Thanks Mari for sharing it....never heard it before but love it :lol:


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## SoSo (Mar 14, 2009)

*Re: Smart Blonde*

Good one...thanks for the :rofl:
Feistyeek:


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## Into The Light (Mar 14, 2009)

*Re: Smart Blonde*

that's a really funny one :thankyou:


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## NicNak (Mar 17, 2009)

*The Irish blonde*

*The Irish Blonde*
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "YES, YES, I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.' 

*MORAL OF THE STORY* 
Not all Irish are stupid; not all blonds are dumb; but all men are men.


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## Jazzey (Mar 17, 2009)

*Re: {adultish joke}  Irish blonde joke*

:lol:  I like it!  Thanks NN.


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## Halo (Apr 24, 2009)

Q - Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A - She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

------------------------------------

One day a blonde was having trouble with her computer, so she calls tech support.

"Hello how can I help you?," the tech support woman says.

"Yes, I am having trouble getting my computer to do anything," the blonde says.

"What window do you have open?"

"Are you crazy! it's freezing cold outside!"

------------------------------------

In the morning, a blonde enters a restaurant with a carton of orange juice. She puts the orange juice on the table and stares at it. 

The store is about to close down and the blonde is still staring at the orange juice. A waiter comes and asks the blonde, "Excuse me, we are about to close for the evening, I'm afraid your going to have to leave." 

"No" They blonde replies.

"Why not?" questions the waiter.

"The carton says "concentrate".


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## white page (Apr 24, 2009)

:funny:  Love it Halo thanks !:clap:


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 18, 2009)

*Blonde Pregnancy Test*

YouTube - Blonde Girl Pregnancy Test - Funny Ad


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## Jazzey (Jun 18, 2009)

*Re: Blonde Pregnancy Test*

...:dramaqueen: Like, I'm SOOO hoping that like her baby boy doesn't like, get her smarts?

But, can you say  _grody_ man...Like, I'm so definitely keeping my ipod away from boys.  I didn't know that, like, iPods, could like, get you PREGNANT!!!  Or is that something that, like, her boyfriend got through like, maybe iTunes?

Now I'm like, a little all nervous - I use that thing, like gosh, like every day???


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## Jazzey (Jun 24, 2009)

*Blonde joke*

Blonde in Warehouse - Blonde Jokes

One day a blonde office worker comes out to the warehouse to walk around. As she is walking she looks up and sees a co-worker hanging upside down from an I-Beam in the ceiling.

She asks "What ARE you doing"?

The co-worker says "I need a few days off but the boss won't let me have them so I'm hanging upside down from this I-Beam acting crazy. The boss will see me, think I need rest and send me home for a few days".

The blonde says "That won't work...uh ohh...here comes the boss now, you're in for it".

The boss spots the blode looking up and sees the man hanging up there and asks him "Just WHAT do you think you are DOING?!!"

The man says (in a "crazy" voice) I'm a light bulb...I'm a light bulb"

The boss says "Buddy, you need some rest..take the rest of today and tomorrow off and get some sleep".

As he is climbing down he winks at the blonde showing her it worked.

The blonde thinks about this for a moment and starts to follow the man out the door.

The boss asks her "WHERE do you think YOU'RE going?"

The blonde says "I can't work in the dark".


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## Jazzey (Jun 24, 2009)

*Re: Blonde joke*

*Helicopter Lessons*
One day a blonde gets free helicopter lesson. So she drives to the place and asks the instructor if she can have the lessons. 

The instructor teaches her the controls and tells her: "Call me on this radio every 2000 feet". 

So she goes in the helicopter and takes off. At 2000 she called him. At 4000 feet she calls him. At 6000 feet she calls him. But, at 8000 feet she does not call him. 

He was wander what was going on when he heard a CRASH from behind him. The instructor ran over to the crashed helicopter and asked the blonde what happened. 

She replied: "It got really cold, so i turned off the big fan".


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## Banned (Sep 24, 2009)

*Bad Blonde Joke*

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. 

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? 

Is it........

A-Robin 

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%... 

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million. 

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question. 

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. 

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."


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## white page (Sep 25, 2009)

*Re: Bad Blonde Joke*

Great joke Turtle, I don't think it's bad at all


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## white page (Sep 27, 2009)

*Sorry, another Blonde joke*

*New Puppy*

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"  

This led to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."  

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."  

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.  

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.  

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 27, 2009)

*Re: Sorry, another Blonde joke*

LOL @ "After several more hours of concentration"...


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## NicNak (Sep 30, 2009)

*Blonde at a football game (North American football)*

A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. 
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game. 

Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents. 

Suprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean? 

The blonde girlfriend replied, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"


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## NicNak (Sep 30, 2009)

*Blonde Ice Fishing*

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. 

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. 

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools. 

Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" 

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. 

Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" 

Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again. 

"There are no fish under the ice!!" 

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?" 

The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"


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## Mari (Jun 8, 2012)

A broke blonde decides to ask G_d for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm going to lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."

  Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "G_d, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."

  Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears G_d speak.

  "Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."


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## forgetmenot (Jun 10, 2012)

lol Mari now that is funny


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