# I just don't know anymore



## Sethor (Jun 14, 2007)

No one wants to hear me moan and wail but I'm at my wit's end.  I really need to know what is wrong with me.  I am unable to do anything right, or to get ahead in life.  I can't buy a date to save my life (though my ex has had no trouble finding a new person to date), I can't figure out what I have to do to afford a car of my own, I can't even make my free time be what I want.  Every single day I wonder why I get out of bed, and I never get a good answer.  All that happens is I get crapped on again and again, every day of my life.  Even the little bit of happiness I can eke out are fleeting and fade all too quickly.  I don't think I am meant to be alive any longer.  No one needs me in their life, I am not even anyone's best friend, I'm just a drag, a dead weight, pulling down the life of everyone unfortunate enough to know me.  I can't even find anyone who knows me in real life that cares enough to listen to me.  The only people who seem willing to listen to me are people I only know on line, to show how truly pathetic I am.  I am so sick of my life being like it is.  I am unable to do anything right to change my life though.  My days feel numbered, I just wish there would be some sort of void left after my death, but the mark I have made on the lives of anyone I know is so small, that I will not be remembered.  Just forgotten, which is best.  Sorry for using your time.


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## sunset (Jun 14, 2007)

Sethor, I can totally relate to what you have posted, and have felt those feelings before. Its not a good feeling, and they way I see it is, I couldnt get much lower, so the only way to go is up..
Is there a counselor or therapist you can talk too? Although there are people I can talk too in my family or friends, I am not comfortable doing that and want to deal with things only with a therapist.

Sometimes people close to you will say or do the wrong thing, like "snap out if it", and that will be the last straw.
There is hope for you and you are a worthwhile person! Yes, even I am saying that and I have been where you are, and STILL struggle at times with that. Poor self esteem on my part, and perhaps yours as well.

Take a big step in contacting a professional to help you. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best! :hug:   

Please let us know how you are doing, ok?


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## Sethor (Jun 14, 2007)

I just don't have anyone in my circle fof riends that would listen to me go on about how I'm feeling.  It's not an issue of no one saying the right thing, no one wants to listen.

As for a therapist, I don't think that would do any good.  You can not pay someone to care and all they do is throw pills at problems (without curing or solving anything) until you can just shut up about your problems.  I'm not paying anyone for that.

If I had anything I could be proud of in my life, I would not feel so worthless.  Since I don't though, here I am, for now anyway.


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## sunset (Jun 14, 2007)

How do you know none of your "friends" dont want to listen to you? If thats the case, then I dont consider them "friends". 

A while ago I had started a thread about therapists and asked the question.. Do they really care?  I got a lot of feedback and from some in the field. I think there are honest caring Dr's out there and you just have to look for them.. Maybe you can call the hospitals and talk to someone there who can give you a reference.
Granted, you will find the not so professional ones, but it cant hurt to go for a first visit and check them out.  If the first one dosent seem to fit what you are looking for, you are free to move on to another one until you find one you like and can open up too.
You have nothing to lose at this point...You are worth it even though you dont think so right now.  

By the way, I see a psychologist and they dont deal with pills or meds. Psychiatrists are for medicine, so check out a psychologist...


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## Into The Light (Jun 14, 2007)

> As for a therapist, I don't think that would do any good. You can not pay someone to care and all they do is throw pills at problems (without curing or solving anything) until you can just shut up about your problems. I'm not paying anyone for that.


if this were really the case, that a therapist doesn't really care because they're getting paid, then no one would benefit from therapy. however many people do benefit from therapy. the good therapists are the ones that do care and do want to help. yes we happen to pay them, but like someone said, therapists have to eat too. their time is valuable as well. they've been trained, and their job is to listen, with empathy, and to guide you, help you with your problems and to do this with unconditional acceptance of their clients. this is what a good therapist does. the not so good ones, or bad ones, obviously not. so it is important for you to find someone who seems to be someone you feel comfortable with, and who meets these criteria. they exist. trust me


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 14, 2007)

Sethor said:


> As for a therapist, I don't think that would do any good.  You can not pay someone to care and all they do is throw pills at problems (without curing or solving anything) until you can just shut up about your problems.  I'm not paying anyone for that.



First, you have a distorted impression of what therapy can do and how it works. I'm not sure where it comes from but I can assure you it's not accurate.

Second, your posts above suggest that you are trying to turn your friends into therapists. That won't work. Friends cannot be therapists and therapists cannot be friends. The roles are incompatible.

Third, as long as you hold onto these inaccurate beliefs about therapy (and medication for that matter), you are doomed to persist in distorted, negative, pessimistic, hopeless, self-critical ways of thinking.

It's a choice. You do not have to continue to feel this way. But in order to change, you are going to have to take that step to consult an expert who can help you and then to take the advice that expert offers you.


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## Mari (Jun 15, 2007)

H! Where do people get their distorted impressions? Sometimes I think that there is just too much information and too many self-proclaimed experts. My oldest son calls it arrogance - people without any qualifications giving advice to other people. I do not mind if my friends and family give advice but I still would want to check it out with a qualified person. It never hurts to get a second opinion. I am feeling very sad tonight so if anyone has anything to cheer me up. Feeling  Mari


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## Peanut (Jun 16, 2007)

I just have the comments that first of all, I'm sorry everyone is feeling so crappy, I feel kind of crappy too.  Second of all, this whole issue of paying therapists to listen and help, or not wanting to pay them, just makes me think about how we really have to always exchange things for things we want in lots of relationships.  Like in friendships we have to be a friend, a lot of times put ourselves out and do things to nurture the relationship even when we don't feel like it, in order to receive that kind of friendship in return.  In therapy, the exchange just happens to be in terms of money for therapeutic services.  I agree though, that it doesn't mean they don't care.  There are so many people who care about their jobs, that's why they chose them.  That even reminds me of the saying something like, "Love like you've never been hurt, work like you don't need the money, and dance like nobody's watching" or something...

Mari: to cheer you up...you sound super nice...I wish I could think of something.  I liked your 3 positive things in the other thread...they were cool and natural.  You seem like a really peaceful person.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 16, 2007)

Arose said:


> we really have to always exchange things for things we want in lots of relationships.  Like in friendships we have to be a friend, a lot of times put ourselves out and do things to nurture the relationship even when we don't feel like it, in order to receive that kind of friendship in return.  In therapy, the exchange just happens to be in terms of money for therapeutic services.  I agree though, that it doesn't mean they don't care.  There are so many people who care about their jobs, that's why they chose them.



Absolutely.

If I cared less about my clients or cared more about being a good businessman, I'd be a whole lot more wealthy than I am and have a lot less debt. 

Quite seriously, I could be doing other things entirely to make a lot of money. Or I could be hardnosed like some other therapists I know and simply say "This is my rate. If you can't pay in full, I('m sorry but I won't be able to see you any more".

In the end, it's a matter of personal choice, I think, but it's also at least partly a matter of realism and necessity: I have children to support, office rent and expenses to pay, car payments, and a mortgage. Oh, and occasionally I need to buy food. (And poutine and beer.)


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## Mari (Jun 17, 2007)

Thankyou Arose - that was very kind of you to say. I wish I could say something to Sethor to make things better. I can not say I am feeling all that much better. The last song I heard was 'The Shadow of Your Smile'. I should not complain or feel sorry for myself. I will try three good things for today before I say goodnight. 1 - no baseball tomorrow. 2 - I went for a drive. 3 - I walked in the grass in my bare feet. :heart: Mari


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## Peanut (Jun 18, 2007)

I too wish we could help Sethor feel better.  Maybe Sethor will think or something we can do to help.

I love your three things Mari.  Maybe I will make a thread where we can say our three positive things regularly and see if it does have a cumulative positive effect.  What do you say?  Maybe sethor would be willing to try too?


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## Sethor (Jun 19, 2007)

I'd probably just screw that up as well.


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## sunset (Jun 19, 2007)

Sethor.. give it a try and let us be the judge of that. You WONT screw it up.


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## AVC (Jun 19, 2007)

Sethor, Dr. Baxter gave sound advice in his first post, if you are at the end of your rope you need a little help to climb back up and to get back on solid ground, we all feel worthless when thinking back to failure, it sounds like you dwell on it quite a bit and need to get out in the world and find some success, you have to put your mind to work and make the effort to change and find that success if that truly is your goal.

The Sun comes up everyday and a new day is born, many of us including myself look back way too much on our failures and when you do that you can't see the good things and blessings in the present.

I wish you the best man, don't give up the fight to make things better in your life.


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## Peanut (Jun 20, 2007)

I think you make a good point about not spending so much time looking back that it keeps you from looking into the future, or even being in the present.    Very well said.

I also just want to add, that failing at something doesn't mean that you are a failure, it just means that maybe you failed at that one thing, and that may make you fallable, like the rest of us, and it also means that you tried something, so if you try something and it doesn't work out the first time, it's not the end of the world, it's just life.  The good news is, you get to try again as many times as you want....


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