# When one cannot reach out



## forgetmenot (Mar 16, 2013)

tried  so many times i tried  i dialed phone number   i dialed different ones but i hang up each time  i hang up before it ring through   i am too afraid of the voice on the other end

i am to ashamed to be calling someone for help   i don't know how to reach out  i don't know who to trust   i am so lost  in this pain  triggers are always the same  and god knows  i have tried  to fight them     

i want to so badly hear  a voice that understands  but they don't understand  how can they understand  when you tell them the pain inside is not yours when you tell them you just need to hear a voice  a real voice  one that will ground me    to where i am and who i am   

i want to so badly somehow get out of this pain   and i don't know how  without the fear  i just can't let the dam phone right  through  i am stuck  inside my own head  i am stuck inside with all her pain  and i don't know how to get away  i just don't know how to get away   

only one way that keeps coming to me  and that is to leave   because  there is no way to separate  and i know this does not make any logic  and i am sorry  please 

 i want this to end so badly  how do l leave  how without  harming them how.  sorry i am so sorry  i have fought this fight along time now   i have  i guess i am just so very overwhelmed with sadness and pain


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## Retired (Mar 16, 2013)

*Re: when one cannot reach out*



> i am to ashamed to be calling someone for help i don't know how to reach out



People who work on crisis lines volunteer for that kind of work because they genuinely are interested in helping people in crisis.  They do not judge anyone, bur instead are trained to ask you the questions they need in order to point you in the right direction for the resources you might meed locally.

People who staff crisis lines, at least in Canada, and quite likely elsewhere, probably receive the ASIST comprehensive training course.  They do not offer therapy, nor any medical advice, but instead they are trained to provide the equivalent of St. Johns Ambulance First Aid to people in crisis.

So, if you need immediate crisis support, go ahead and call your local crisis hotline.  You will probably be asked some specific questions by a trained volunteer, who may, in all liklihood, have recovered from some crisis themselves.  This may be their motivation to help others.

Answer the questions honestly and thoroughly, as this will provide the volunteer the information necessary to point you in the right direction.  

Sometimes a crisis line can be busy, so if they have an answering machine, leave your number so they can call you back. Remember, these people are hard working volunteers, and sometimes the calls can be more than than the available people can answer at the moment.


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## GDPR (Mar 16, 2013)

*Re: when one cannot reach out*



forgetmenot said:


> i want to so badly hear  a voice that understands  but they don't understand  how can they understand  when you tell them the pain inside is not yours



Sorry you're struggling forgetmenot. Maybe the most important thing right now is to get someone to understand that you are in need of help and don't worry so much about the specifics of what you're experiencing(?).


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## Cat Dancer (Mar 16, 2013)

*Re: when one cannot reach out*

Please just call and reach out.


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## GDPR (Mar 16, 2013)

*Re: when one cannot reach out*

Yes,please do,forgetmenot.


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## forgetmenot (Mar 16, 2013)

*Re: when one cannot reach out*

I um  called my twin  i did not want to but she helped by calling someone   i cannot go on  i cannot call for myself i am too afraid of people  

I will see my therapist on Thursday  

 i see a specialist on Tues for my physical pain  

  I am sorry but when i am triggered i become someone  that is totally um useless to me 

 I fall apart  want to hide  and i don't know how to protect me from all the pain 

Husband came home  took me for a ride  as well  he got me away   from my thoughts  

 my twin made a call for me  i could not 

i hate having to bring her back into the pain  i am sorry i did that  i promised her i would talk to my therapist Thursday  about going somewhere away from living for awhile. 

When i am triggered i am no one  i am nothing  i am oh god  i am her again and i can't explain it   it is insane  i just feel all that pain  all that fear  all her sadness  like it was just yesterday  how the hell does one get out of that    you can't without help and if i can't call anyone   but i did call my twin  i know  she won't hurt me god but i don't want to hurt her by bring her back too.

sorry if i worried anyone  i am ok now  the crisis is over again  i am ok  i can breath now  but i am so drained   i wish i knew when these attacks were going to end  i need them to end  

thanks for reaching out to me


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## MHealthJo (Mar 17, 2013)

You did so well hun. And don't forget, you have done a great deal for others in your family (and many more others too).

We can ask for help from others, without necessarily bringing them into the same pain.

The strength and support you have given to others over time, even from small everyday things, can come through back to us, without necessarily bringing pain to them. 

Hugs xx


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## adaptive1 (Mar 17, 2013)

*Re: when one cannot reach out*

I hope you are feeling a little better today. It's horrible to feel that way and talking about it does help.


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## forgetmenot (Mar 17, 2013)

i am better today thanks adaptive1.  
  trying to get some rest soon  

 So hard for me to reach out now  to trust anyone  but thanks for understanding  and for caring

 I hope with all these changes that are going to be  i  somehow can hold me together  better then i did last night anyways


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## GDPR (Mar 17, 2013)

Glad you're doing better today!


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## eva (Mar 18, 2013)

It's good that you have self-awareness about what you're like and how you act when you become triggered. It's helpful to know that about yourself because it's information that you can use to get yourself back to calm and back to the "you" that you usually are or the "you" that you want to be.

Reaching out is scary sometimes because we don't know what to expect but you're taking the steps necessary to do that reaching, and I'm glad you've got people who can help you reach out.


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