# Self-Injury and Arousal



## Herspirit (Jun 13, 2012)

I'm taking a big step here but since no one knows me, I feel I can post this.  When I self-injure I get sexually aroused.  I feel very ashamed about this.  I have not been able to find anything about this on the Internet.  My therapist isn't really any help.  What I want to know is, is there anyone else out there that this happens to?  Also, has anyone ever explained to you why this happens?  I feel like a pervert.  I feel that I'm all alone.  Just to let you know, since this makes me feel very ashamed, I do not act on my arousal.  Cutting makes me feel very good (no pain) but the result is a very perverted, shameful feeling, at least that's how I feel. I ignore my arousal.  My therapist doesn't think I'm a pervert but what am I?  I just don't know.

Herspirit


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 13, 2012)

Human sexuality is a very complex thing, an interaction of biological and individual experiential factors. 

To understand the kind of reaction you describe would require knowledge of your personal developmental and sexual history. But it is not a perversion. It may be similar to a fetish, but in any case it most likely relates to an association based on your specific history of either pain in general or self-injury in particular with sexual arousal and/or orgasm.


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## Herspirit (Jun 15, 2012)

I am self injuring due to anger with myself (nothing to do with the sexual arousal crap but other crap) and who I am. It is not a fetish nor an association of pain with sexual arousal per se. What you have written is so broad that I can't get anything out of it. I didn't always get aroused by self injuring. I have been SIing on and off for 25 or more years and for probably 20 of them this didn't happen. Then, all of the sudden it did and it was scary. Yes, scary! Like I said, I don't act on my arousal because it's just not supposed to happen. 

By the looks of it, no one is responding that this happens to them, so I guess I am a freak. 

Thanks.

Herspirit


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 15, 2012)

You're not a freak. You just need to explore a bit more to find out what the links are for you.

You say your therapist isn't helpful about this issue. Does s/he have any expertise in sexuality and sexual behavior? If not, perhaps you need to consult someone who does have such expertise.


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## forgetmenot (Jun 16, 2012)

YOu are not a freak ok  There could be many reasons why this is happening and a good therapist that deals with sexual behaviors like stated will be able to help you.
I am sure there are many who have experience this behavior   and for some it is because when they were harmed the pain the arousal  went together.   It is only a professional who can help you find that connection   I hope you can find such a therapist to help you 

You are  not a freak ok  you are experiancing something that is upsetting to you and fearful as well.   hugs


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## Herspirit (Jun 16, 2012)

I will try to explore the links but it is very difficult. The mental anguish I feel from this is sometimes overbearing. I won't speak to anyone else about this because it was hard enough bringing it up to my therapist. It's such a private and very uncomfortable matter to speak about that I would never speak to another person about it unless my therapist spoke to them first. I would not want to leave my therapist for another therapist. 

I had asked my therapist to speak to my med provider but she failed to follow through. I was angry at her for not doing what I had asked and that it was important to me. Now I have to wait another month and there are no guarantees. I guess I just have to persist. I know that I will never bring up the subject.

I guess that's it for now.

I still feel like I'm hitting my head against the wall.

Herspirit


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## GDPR (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi Herspirit.

You're not alone. When I burn myself, it feels orgasmic, and I don't understand why. Also, when I get angry, I get aroused. I know I need to talk to my therapist about this stuff, and I plan to, I'm just trying to get the courage to. I've been talking about other sexual things lately, and I will eventually build up to this subject.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 16, 2012)

Sometimes, what you describe may be  associated with a history of sexual abuse or other trauma. Here is some more information you might find helpful:

Frequently Asked Questions | self-injury.net 

Women Living With Self-Injury - Jane Wegscheider Hyman - Google Books 

Chronic Self - Injury in Adult Survivors 

Trauma and Sexuality - Mind Parts


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## Retired (Jun 16, 2012)

Herspirit said:
			
		

> I won't speak to anyone else about this because it was hard enough bringing it up to my therapist.



Hopefully by learning more about this through your inquiries, and gaining insights from the resources provided you, it might help alleviate the apprehension you feel about raising the subject with your therapist.

Know that your therapist should not be judging you, because through his/her training to become a professional, the information your provide aloows your therapist to objectively use that information to form a diagnosis and ultimately a treatment strategy for you.

I might add, that I lived well into my forties with a deep dark secret, unable to speak to anyone about it, including my family, my doctors, because I could not imagine anyone else in the world doing what I was doing.

Then, I discovered that Tourette Syndrome was the name for what afflicted my life and that, surprisingly at least one in a hundred people have a similar affliction.

I share this with you, Herspirit, because I learned from my own experience,  you need not suffer isolation and shame because your therapist can help you discover yourself and come to terms with your issues, and ultimately provide you with ways to better understand how to deal with what you are feeling.

Once the issue is exposed, it seems to lose its power over you, and the sense of relief is enormous, and your quality of life should improve as the heavy burden might be relieved.


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## Banned (Jun 16, 2012)

Human sexuality is such a broad and diverse topic, and as has been mentioned, there are so many variables that factor into arousal that without going into great depth it's really hard to pinpoint where your arousal comes from.

Most living beings experience arousal on some level and as a different response to different stimuli.  Although I haven't experienced what you're speaking of I'm pretty confident in joining the others in saying you're not a freak.  

We all have our own taboos in the area of sexuality, and your current therapist may not be as skilled in the area of eroticism or self-injury, both complex topics on their own and even more complex when joined.  Do you have the option to seek someone who specializes in human sexuality who can lend some clarity to this and reassure you that you truly are human?  Also check out the links David posted - they will have a plethora of information too.


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## Ashley-Kate (Jun 17, 2012)

I don't think there is a specific reason to explain why someone chose to harm themselves, in my opinion is to put a focus on something else, to avoid thinking or feeling something you try to feel something else something more physical.  Feeling something physical is a lot easier to explain sometimes than something emotional.. I will admit in my case I feel calm when i see my scars when i inflict pain on myself or hurt myself i am never satisfied until i can see it the physical pain sometimes doesn't even suffice it has to show and then i feel the calmness(the high).  I would compare it to a junkie that  has the drug in his hand yet has not yet took it and then when they do they feel calm they feel better as the drug takes its effect , destroying their body yet numbing their pain  and making them feel better, self injury to me is some what the same thing, whatever you look for when you do it i think depends on everyone but it is for some kind of psychological numbing..   There is no better reason to do it there is no bad reason to do it no one can say one reason is better than the other,  self injury is a disorder there will never be a good enough reason to be aloud to do it for whatever reason it's not the right one there is many different ways to get that feeling of calm that are much less harmful ( so i have been told ). I guess what i am trying to say is that you are not a freak and you are not more crazy than someone who injures themselves for different reasons, Its a sign of pain and should be adressed for the cause not for the pain releif it may provide, it's why we don't treat a drug addict by questioning the high he gets but why he needs the high in the first place. 
yours trully 
ashley


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## Herspirit (Jun 17, 2012)

I appreciate the input. I will bring what I have read to the table with my therapist. I have started to read the links that David has posted.  

I do have sexual abuse in my history so I am sure that plays some part in the issue at hand.

Any more input would still be greatly appreciated.

Herspirit


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## Cat Dancer (Jun 17, 2012)

I just want to say that you're not a freak. It is a very personal thing for me, but I can relate to what you're saying. For me I think the sexual abuse related pain to pleasure and so it gets confusing. That is just for me. And also for me the self injury is of a very private nature. I know I"m not making sense. But you're not a freak. It's a difficult subject and I'd bet lots of people can relate, but they just can't talk about it.


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## forgetmenot (Jun 18, 2012)

You are strong to bring this topic up  and i do hope you do talk to your therapist soon   that is something i don't think iwould have strength to do  so thanks for bringing this topic forward  as it lets others know they are not alone that they are not a freak other     Take care   hugs


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## Fanning (Jul 1, 2012)

Herspirit said:


> I'm taking a big step here but since no one knows me, I feel I can post this.  When I self-injure I get sexually aroused.  I feel very ashamed about this.  I have not been able to find anything about this on the Internet.  My therapist isn't really any help.  What I want to know is, is there anyone else out there that this happens to?  Also, has anyone ever explained to you why this happens?  I feel like a pervert.  I feel that I'm all alone.  Just to let you know, since this makes me feel very ashamed, I do not act on my arousal.  Cutting makes me feel very good (no pain) but the result is a very perverted, shameful feeling, at least that's how I feel. I ignore my arousal.  My therapist doesn't think I'm a pervert but what am I?  I just don't know.
> 
> Herspirit



Hi,

It was very interesting to read about this, because I have exactly the same issue. So you are NOT alone.

I started with SI (self-injury) without any sexual arousal at all. The sexual arousal came later, when I started admiring my wounds and I noticed I was sexual aroused by it. I have several sexual issues (called paraphilias) and most of them are connected to humiliation and self-disgust. I think I became sexual aroused by the wounds because my body was actually injured, and the wounds represented sorrow, anger, shame, frustration and all that's related to my self-image. 

I don't know if this makes sense for you or Dr. Baxter's theories, but this is how it is for me.

I did mention it to my therapist and we are talking about finding meds that can reduce my sexual drive. But that's not just because of this but my other sexual issues. But I know how shameful and difficult it is to talk about such intimate and personal issues. 

It would be interesting hearing from you and how it goes.


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