# Help me please



## bettina (Apr 28, 2005)

Hello....and help.

I'm 17, female, I don't believe in God, but am very much a "christian type" girl when it comes to morals and values. I'm an honor student, popular, and have good friends. I don't get into any trouble and live with my dad who is a very loving one.  With that said, I have a mental problem that I need help on. Its involved, but I need a best guess about what is wrong with me. 

First, I've had these problems all of my life and its hard to explain but it goes like this. Whenever I see bad events on TV for example, I can become part of that event. This last one was the worst and involved a little 9 year old girl. A month or so ago, a 9 year old girl on TV, Jessica Lunsford was kidnapped, raped and murdered. When I heard about it, I began to think about it a lot. She was on my mind daily. As I continued thinking about her, I started to go downhill to the point that I become her. It can become so intense that I am with her, I can feel her crying, screaming and fighting for her life. I "know" what she went thru, I know how she felt, not physically, but mentally. I usually end up sick to my stomach for days on end. Sometimes sick enough to throw up. She was one of many that have affected me like this and she will haunt me for a month before she fades from my mind like the other bad events.

Now for my other problem. I'm a good singer, and on Sundays, I sing in church at the right side of the altar. Lots of senior citizens come there to hear me sing and when I look at them, I see a lot of sadness in there eyes. That sadness, and the emotional music like "Oh holy night" makes me tear up to the point that it runs down the side of my face. I have always been prone to tearing up when I sing emotional songs, so I don't read too much into that. Some of them will see me after mass, and when I look at them, I can feel something like they want me to tell them something. Not all of them. Just some. 

Sometimes in the mall with my friends, I will look at a little kid thats crying and if he looks at me looking at him, I get like an emotional wave that comes over me and I can almost know why he is sad. I sometimes get the feeling that they are trying to say something to me. The eye contact remains long. 

I'm not pulling anything here. I just can't take this anymore. I'm seeing a female physciatrist who has me on Prozac, but doesn't know what is wrong with me. She thinks its some form of PTSD, but she's not sure. She says that I see an event, my mind makes up a story to fit that event, and then I play it out. Geez.....how does that work.  The medication makes be feel different, but it doesn't stop what I see and feel.

Now....I am not suicidal or think of hurting myself, and am happy 95% of the time when I'm at the mall, jogging, riding my bike, with dad, etc, but some events will suddenly grab me and drag me way down. I can and I do "feel" people and it really scares me. 

Please don't mention or use the word psychic or telepath.....I can't send any messages or bend any spoons, and none of those quacks can. I don't believe that junk at all. The people who make those claims are bogus and are just con artists and thats why I haven't gone to any of those sites. 

What is wrong with my brain.

Thank You

Bettina


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## ThatLady (Apr 28, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Sounds to me like you're just a very empathetic and emotional person. That's not a bad thing, really; but, it can be difficult. I know. I've been there. If it's any comfort to you, those feelings get less intense as you age and learn to better deal with your emotions.

Are you an attention seeking person? Do you dress in a way to draw attention to yourself, or enjoy being the center of attention at events and gatherings?


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 28, 2005)

*Help me please.*

See also Are You Highly Sensitive? -- http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=654 .


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## bettina (Apr 29, 2005)

*Help me please.*



			
				ThatLady said:
			
		

> Are you an attention seeking person? Do you dress in a way to draw attention to yourself, or enjoy being the center of attention at events and gatherings?



No. I don't like being the center of anything. I dress conservatively. No belly showing, tatoos, etc. I do wear shorts in the summer though.

What you and david have described pretty much is me. Now, how do I tell this to the physcicatrist so she doesn't think of me as nuts. Will she understand Empathic?

And....how do I control these horrible feelings I get when they come.

Thank you very very much

Bettina


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## HA (Apr 29, 2005)

*Help me please.*



> This last one was the worst and involved a little 9 year old girl. A month or so ago, a 9 year old girl on TV, Jessica Lunsford was kidnapped, raped and murdered. When I heard about it, I began to think about it a lot. She was on my mind daily.



Many people experience this and usually talk it out with friends and it becomes more or less fleeting thoughts within a short period of time. I find these events become more intrusive then this for me and will have days where I struggle with keeping it out of my thoughts. My thoughts will dwell on the details and in particular on how they felt which is what is most disturbing.

I can only suggest what works for me. I tell myself that it did not happen to me and it won't happen to me or my family. The person did not suffer as much as we imagine because our bodies bring forth protective measures very quickly. These are very rare events. I briefly talk about how terrible it is with a friend. I don't spend time searching or reading any further about the events. If thoughts become overwhelming then I redirect them with doing activities or stopping them and thinking about other things.

Many young people have read "The Lovely Bones",  which from what my daughter tells me is about a rape and murder of a young woman. If these kinds of events, stories and movies affect your life in a negative way then perhaps they should not be something that you spend time with.

Try using thought stopping techniques like the exercises at this coping site:
http://www.coping.org/selfesteem/lifestyle/stop.htm


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## lammers1980 (Apr 29, 2005)

*Help me please.*

I wouldn't say that you are crazy or anything.  I think you may be one of those blessed people who posess a higher than normal amount of empathy.  The ability to "put oneself in another's shoes" so to speak has many benefits, as well as the drawbacks that you mention.  People such as yourself make excellent friends, companions and counsellors.  

I remember experiencing similar situations myself regarding the news.  I don't want name specific instances for fear of triggering your emotions, but as a father of a 2 year old son, I am often deeply affected by tragic stories involving children of that age.  That is because I often become the "father" and my son becomes the "child".  This triggers such an emotional response that sometimes I even cry.

The key here is to not supress you empathy, as I feel it is a gift to be cherished, but to learn how to control it so that it does not take over your life.  I read the book that David mentioned and would also wholeheartedly recommend it.

Good luck and welcome to the site.


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## Jon (Apr 29, 2005)

*Help me please.*

*stevel wrote*


> The key here is to not supress you empathy, as I feel it is a gift to be cherished, but to learn how to control it so that it does not take over your life.



I agree with this.  I too have a strong sense/ability to "read" emotions.  I believe that it is a gift too.  You are still young and at a point where there can be a lot of confusion in your life.  You will find that as you get older this gift will become a real blessing to you and those that you will be able to help if you allow yourself to follow that path.


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## ThatLady (Apr 29, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Your psychiatrist should understand the words empathetic and overly sensitive as they apply to your feelings, hon. Just tell her exactly what you've told us. We understood, and so will she. 

This isn't a disease. It is, in fact, a blessing. You just need help to learn to control it and use it for the benefit of yourself and others.


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## bettina (Apr 29, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Thanks so much for the replies. In two weeks the physco is sending me to a therapist and I will be more open with him about what you guys told me, but to me, this is more a curse than a gift. I always thought I was delusional and that something was wrong with my brain that made me see things.

Besides church, (I have a 3 octave vocal range) I sing at the senior home twice a month because they asked me too. They give me a list of songs they want me to sing for them next time, and I download the lyrics from the internet. The place has a great organ and the senior that plays it is very good. I don't mind doing it, and I bring some choir friends with me. It only takes about 45 minutes to sing the songs.

Its the people there that I get these vibes from. Not all of them, just the ones who have a lot of sadness. If I make eye contact with them, thats when I get overcome with something I can't explain. I know that some see themselves in me when they were young, but I feel that some want to share something with me. One of them came up to me at the end and called me an angel....right in front of my dad and my friends. She was serioius and really thought I was one.  I almost died.

But the little kids, the ones that are crying, .....they can really throw it out to me. It becomes intense and when I get affected like this, I feel my heart beating and I normally can't. If I keep the eye contact with them, I begin to feel what they are feeling. Now this is the scary part and god kill me if I lie, but I sometimes can tell why there sad Like I got inside them or they me. I mean its vivid. I feel my breathing deepen too and it scares me to death and thats why my dad sent me to a physco. Another thing....why does a little kid who I don't know try to keep the eye contact going? I just don't get it.

I haven't told the physco everything for fear she will put me in the hospital and shock me. I heard that they do sometimes. I won't go there.

I've been learning about chemicals in the brain, so hopefully they will find a pill that can suppress the one that is bothering me. I can't go on like this...imagining people are trying to tell me something. I just want to be a normal mall teen. 

Again....I'm not pulling anything here. I dont do drugs, am not wild, and feel good 95% of the time, etc. I just want to stop that 5%.

Thanks again

Bettina


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 29, 2005)

*Help me please.*



> why does a little kid who I don't know try to keep the eye contact going?


Young children seem to do that instinctively, unless they have been traumatized or otherwise punished -- it's one of the refreshing things about young children. I think is has to do with curiosity and trust and looking up to bigger, stronger people for guidance.


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## bettina (May 26, 2005)

*Help me please.*

My phychiatrist said I'm complicated and sent me to an analyst. He also thinks PTSD but not the usual form. He is perplexed, to use his own words. He said he would like to take an image of my brain when I view photos he wants to show me. I don't want to but I'm still nowhere with this and tired of going. He even had a friend of his join us who talked to be about "Mirror Neurons" and wants to test me. 

I'm getting more confused.

Bettina


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## bettina (Jun 3, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Can someone post me a link to a place I can get some help or info? 
This place doesn't seem to have any answers 
Thank you

Bettina


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 3, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Bettina, did you look at the link I posted above? "The Highly Sensitive Person"?

I think the problem is that it's difficult to know HOW to answer you...


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## Daniel (Jun 3, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Article: Mirror neurons may generate ability to empathize


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 3, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Man, Daniel... you are a wizard!


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## bettina (Jun 3, 2005)

*Help me please.*



			
				David Baxter said:
			
		

> Bettina, did you look at the link I posted above? "The Highly Sensitive Person"?


Yes I did and I took the online empathy test which says I'm a natural born. I didnt need that test to tell me what I already knew.  I have been to ALL those places including the "Theory of mind" sites too. I have all the articles similar to what Daniel posted and I have almost 40 links to the places that talk about "mirror neurons".  I have researched this to death.

This is why the Physco guy I'm going to now wants to take pictures of my brain. I don't want to. I'm frightened of that for one thing, and I don't trust him talking to other doctors like I'm his special freak.

I know what I am. I Know what the little kids are thinking when I look at them. Some, not many, but some "know" that "I" know.  I can get right inside them and feel what they feel. I can't talk to anyone about what I am feeling because I'm afraid they will commit me or something. 

None of the articles I've read can tell me how to turn it off. And I want to turn it off because I'm afraid of it. 

I don't do drugs, drink, swear, or smoke, so why is this happening to me.

Bettina


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 4, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Well, Bettina, I think the problem is what you describe is way beyond the experience or expertise of most people. That's why you're not getting much in the way of responses to your questions: I'm afraid that we really just don't have answers for you.

I can tell you I don't see any way that brain-imaging can hurt you, though... mayube it will shed some light on what's going on and help your doctors to "turn this off".

I wish you the best but I don't know what else to say...


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## bettina (Jun 4, 2005)

*Help me please.*



			
				David Baxter said:
			
		

> Well, Bettina, I think the problem is what you describe is way beyond the experience or expertise of most people. That's why you're not getting much in the way of responses to your questions: I'm afraid that we really just don't have answers for you.
> 
> I can tell you I don't see any way that brain-imaging can hurt you, though... mayube it will shed some light on what's going on and help your doctors to "turn this off".
> 
> I wish you the best but I don't know what else to say...



Well, thanks anyway for trying. My dad and I decided to let him zap me so I can know once and for all if anything is wrong with me. I'll let you know what he says unless he zaps me too hard. 

Bettina


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 4, 2005)

*Help me please.*

Good luck. Let us know how it turns out, okay?


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