# The Fear of Feeling



## David Baxter PhD (Sep 19, 2015)

*The Fear of Feeling*
by Margaret Paul, PhD, _Mental Health Matters_
February 3, 2009

We desire to find the path to peace, joy and freedom. We strive to  feel lovable, worthy and secure. We know that if we do our inner work  and open to our connection with Spirit, we will feel all of that. Yet we  don?t. We put it off for days or weeks. We stay stuck in our misery or  numbness. Why? What are we so afraid of if we open to learning about  loving?

I have searched for many  years for the answer to this question. Over and over I would find  myself out of grace and joy and into anxiety and stress. Each time it  was because I failed to take care of myself in some way.

The  problem is that all feelings are in the same box. Pain is in the same  box as joy. We cannot be putting a lid on pain without putting a lid on  joy as well.

What is the pain we are striving so hard to avoid  feeling? Most people feel a lot of pain. We feel anxious, frightened,  depressed, hurt. Since we are often in pain, it doesn?t seem to make  sense that we are, at the same time as we are feeling all this pain,  also avoiding pain. Yet that is exactly what we are doing.

As unhappy as we may be feeling, we are avoiding pain that we believe is even greater than the pain we are feeling.
I  have discovered that there are three feelings which most people want to  avoid at all cost: aloneness, loneliness and helplessness.

Aloneness  is what we feel inside when we are disconnected from God. Loneliness is  what we feel when we cannot connect with another, either because our  heart is closed, their heart is closed, or both of our hearts are  closed. Helplessness is what we would feel if, when we want to connect  with another and his or her heart is closed, we accept that there is  nothing we can do to make them open their heart. Helplessness is what we  feel when we accept our lack of control over others.

When we were  babies and small children, we couldn?t allow ourselves to feel these  feelings. We could not have handled them and may have died of despair.  So we learned many protections to avoid feeling these feelings.

The  problem is that we still think we will die if we feel these feelings,  so we are still avoiding them. We avoid connecting with God for fear God  will not be there and we will feel alone. We get angry, withdraw, eat,  drink, take drugs, watch TV, get busy, overwork and so on to avoid  feeling the pain of our loneliness and helplessness.

Yet  loneliness in our society is unavoidable. There are so many people who  spend their lives with their hearts closed to avoid their pain that it  is impossible not to be around people whose hearts are closed some of  the time. If we choose to avoid feeling our loneliness and helplessness,  then we too will close our heart. However, when we close our heart we  close down the joy too. Then we are stuck with the anxiety, fear,  depression and hurt that is endemic in our society.

You will not  die if you open to feeling your loneliness and helplessness. It is even  quite tolerable if you hold your lonely Inner Child (your feeling self)  while bringing through love from Spirit, for then you are not alone in  your loneliness. The willingness to feel the pain of loneliness and  helplessness opens the door to joy, peace, and freedom. The more you  open to spiritual help in your loneliness, the more you are able to  embrace the privilege of this sacred journey of evolving your soul. There is great joy in the journey, even when there is loneliness!

_Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous best-selling books, including: 



Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You? 
Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You??The Workbook 
Healing Your Aloneness 
The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook Inner Bonding 
Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids? 
Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? 
_


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