# Help me



## helpless1 (Jun 17, 2005)

Hi i have been with my partner for 4 years and we have a great relationship, we have been engaged for 3 and half years and we have a 3 month old son.

my problem is as much as i love her i cant stop cheating on her, before my son was born it was with anyone who payed me attention i knew it was wrong and felt guilty right to the bottom of my stomach, but kept doing it anyway.

since my son has been born i have not cheated on her but nearly did the other day, i knew i should not because i an not just cheating on her but my beautiful son as well. since this incident i cant get this other woman out of my head nor can i look at my son with the loving eyes i used to.

I have been off with work and cant seem to shake this feeling off, i think of the times me and my partner were in the hospital getting the scans and tears welling u in my eyes as i seen my unborn son moving in the womb, but then i get the guilt feeling setting in and this just tears me up.

is there anyone out there that has any experience or knowledge of this as its destroying me, i dont want to be like this i hate myself for doing this but dont tell anyone so no one will find out.

I need help with dealing with this please can someone help or offer any advise in similar experiences.


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## helpless1 (Jun 17, 2005)

Hi i have been with my partner for 4 years and we have a great relationship, we have been engaged for 3 and half years and we have a 3 month old son.

my problem is as much as i love her i cant stop cheating on her, before my son was born it was with anyone who payed me attention i knew it was wrong and felt guilty right to the bottom of my stomach, but kept doing it anyway.

since my son has been born i have not cheated on her but nearly did the other day, i knew i should not because i an not just cheating on her but my beautiful son as well. since this incident i cant get this other woman out of my head nor can i look at my son with the loving eyes i used to.

I have been off with work and cant seem to shake this feeling off, i think of the times me and my partner were in the hospital getting the scans and tears welling u in my eyes as i seen my unborn son moving in the womb, but then i get the guilt feeling setting in and this just tears me up.

is there anyone out there that has any experience or knowledge of this as its destroying me, i dont want to be like this i hate myself for doing this but dont tell anyone so no one will find out.

I need help with dealing with this please can someone help or offer any advise in similar experiences.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 17, 2005)

There could be a variety of reasons for this, helpless1, too numerous to list.

Is it an option for you to consider finding a counselor/therapist to explore what is behind this behavior in your case?


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 17, 2005)

There could be a variety of reasons for this, helpless1, too numerous to list.

Is it an option for you to consider finding a counselor/therapist to explore what is behind this behavior in your case?


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## helpless1 (Jun 17, 2005)

thankyou for your help on this matter, however what would be the best soloution, tel my partner and then get help or seek help on my own and let the old saying "what they dont know cant hurt them".

thankyou again also where would you suggest i go to seek help


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## helpless1 (Jun 17, 2005)

thankyou for your help on this matter, however what would be the best soloution, tel my partner and then get help or seek help on my own and let the old saying "what they dont know cant hurt them".

thankyou again also where would you suggest i go to seek help


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 17, 2005)

First, ask your fiancee if she will go with you. If she says yes, then find a reputable counselor in your area who does marital/relationship counseling. Your family doctor may be able to recommend somebody. Or, if you give me your general area, I might be able to suggest somebody (or maybe not... but I could try anyway).

If your fiancee refuses, then definitely go yourself... find someone to help you cope with whatever is going on, whatever happens...


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 17, 2005)

First, ask your fiancee if she will go with you. If she says yes, then find a reputable counselor in your area who does marital/relationship counseling. Your family doctor may be able to recommend somebody. Or, if you give me your general area, I might be able to suggest somebody (or maybe not... but I could try anyway).

If your fiancee refuses, then definitely go yourself... find someone to help you cope with whatever is going on, whatever happens...


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## ThatLady (Jun 18, 2005)

You really do need to get counselling, hon. Whether you go alone, or whether your partner agrees to go with you, you must get help. You already realize this is tearing you apart, and those feelings are only going to get worse if you don't do something about them. You can't do it on your own. See someone.


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## ThatLady (Jun 18, 2005)

You really do need to get counselling, hon. Whether you go alone, or whether your partner agrees to go with you, you must get help. You already realize this is tearing you apart, and those feelings are only going to get worse if you don't do something about them. You can't do it on your own. See someone.


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## helpless1 (Jun 18, 2005)

i am the man in the relationship if i sounded unclear above, my fiancee is amazing and i tink if she found out she would never be the same again.

i lie in england the uk in the midlands area.

i definately need help but dont know where to turn, i mean these councellors do theyactually give a shit! is it just there 9-5 job! will they just tell me stuff i wanna hear and send me on my way, god i am confused.

thanks though for your replys people i appreciate it


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## helpless1 (Jun 18, 2005)

i am the man in the relationship if i sounded unclear above, my fiancee is amazing and i tink if she found out she would never be the same again.

i lie in england the uk in the midlands area.

i definately need help but dont know where to turn, i mean these councellors do theyactually give a shit! is it just there 9-5 job! will they just tell me stuff i wanna hear and send me on my way, god i am confused.

thanks though for your replys people i appreciate it


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 18, 2005)

My apologies, helpless1 - I've edited my post above so I don't confuse anyone else.

To clarify (now that I'm in the correct thread again), since you were in this instance attracted to the woman but did not act on it, whether you tell your fiancee about it is for you to decide but I would say it isn't necessary. Maybe this is something you and a counselor could discuss after you meet.

It might be most helpful for you to start by going to a counselor on your own -- that way you can be honest about the difficulties you've had in remaining faithful without fear of hurting your wife. I would, however, still recommend that you see a counselor who is experienced in working with couples so that your fiancee can be brought into the sessions later.

I'm not very familiar with the sustem in the UK, I'm afraid -- I'd still suggest your family doctor as a referral source.



> i definately need help but dont know where to turn, i mean these councellors do theyactually give a ****! is it just there 9-5 job! will they just tell me stuff i wanna hear and send me on my way


A reputable counselor will not just tell you what you want to hear. And no, I think you'll find that any reputable counselor won't just look at it as a 9 to 5 job.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 18, 2005)

My apologies, helpless1 - I've edited my post above so I don't confuse anyone else.

To clarify (now that I'm in the correct thread again), since you were in this instance attracted to the woman but did not act on it, whether you tell your fiancee about it is for you to decide but I would say it isn't necessary. Maybe this is something you and a counselor could discuss after you meet.

It might be most helpful for you to start by going to a counselor on your own -- that way you can be honest about the difficulties you've had in remaining faithful without fear of hurting your wife. I would, however, still recommend that you see a counselor who is experienced in working with couples so that your fiancee can be brought into the sessions later.

I'm not very familiar with the sustem in the UK, I'm afraid -- I'd still suggest your family doctor as a referral source.



> i definately need help but dont know where to turn, i mean these councellors do theyactually give a ****! is it just there 9-5 job! will they just tell me stuff i wanna hear and send me on my way


A reputable counselor will not just tell you what you want to hear. And no, I think you'll find that any reputable counselor won't just look at it as a 9 to 5 job.


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