# How does one stay?



## forgetmenot (Nov 11, 2013)

never mind im ok


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## Retired (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

What's going on, ForgetMeNot?


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## forgetmenot (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

i don't want to stay anymore  how does one do this stay when all they want is to go 
idon't want to harm anyone  by leaving  but i am too tired  to fight anymore 
i don't really want to face living anymore  i am tired  and i don't think  it is fair i take up any more time here  
just triggers bad one  really bad trigger  just pushing me to the end now  words  words are the worst enemies  
anyways  i want so badly to leave but i don't want to harm them but i hate living i don't want to be here  i have lived my life  
I don't think my T wants to deal with this anymore  why would he  
i just feel so alone and i know you say there is always someone there but there is not not when the darkness comes there is only yourself and the pain


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## Retired (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

OK, let's talk about this, so I can fully understand the situation.

Your talking suicide, right?



> I don't think my T wants to deal with this anymore why would he



Has your relationship with your therapist changed recently?  Has the therapist told you he is no longer interested in treating you?

The fact is you are never alone, and in the absence of someone physically nearby, we are here for you.

May I ask, do you have a plan for a suicide at this time, ForgetMeNot?

Have you been taking all your medications as prescribed?  Do you have a family doctor you can call, a psychiatrist, your therapist, a family member or trusted friend, maybe a spiritual advisor?

Will you promise to keep yourself safe while we discuss your situation?


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## forgetmenot (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

im ok  i am ok  don't worry
i am sorry i just am so tired


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## Retired (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

ForgetMeNot,

If you are tired to get some sleep, then go ahead and get some good sleep and we can continue this discussion tomorrow.

There is no harm in talking, and I would like to know that you can avail yourself of nearby help and support.

Will you keep yourself safe and come back tomorrow to continue talking about what happened with your therapist?


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## forgetmenot (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

i talked to crisis line  and to therapist today  i am going to sleep now   i hope i sleep  
yes i am safe ihave to be for their sakes


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## making_art (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

Hope you feel better tomorrow, forgetmenot.....


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## Retired (Nov 11, 2013)

*Re: how does one stay*

Glad to know you made use of the crisis line.



> i am safe i have to be for their sakes



Your most important reason for living.


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## MHealthJo (Nov 11, 2013)

Thinking of you Forgetmenot. xox


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## HBas (Nov 12, 2013)

Glad to hear you are OK. Take care of yourself please! You mean a lot to us.

HUG


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## forgetmenot (Nov 12, 2013)

another day to get through
armor is not as strong as it use to be
i will keep busy today already have supper cooking slow cooker
life is just too hard 
sorry have much to do girl bday is tomorrow   
i will make it through only because i have to

---------- Post Merged at 09:05 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 09:03 AM ----------

Thanks HBas it is nice to see you again  i am ok  trying to be anyways


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## forgetmenot (Nov 20, 2013)

what i would do to have this all just end


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## David Baxter PhD (Nov 20, 2013)

Learn how to accommodate it and process it.

You do this with



appropriate medication, combined with 
appropriate psychotherapy, combined with 
hard work and determination. 

There are no alternatives.

So... are you doing this now? Why not?


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## forgetmenot (Nov 21, 2013)

no one knows better then me what hard work and determination is 
been doing that all my life
sorry  just sorry


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## HBas (Nov 21, 2013)

Hi Forgetmenot,
Great Advice from Dr. Baxter there, which I will follow with you. Just remember that it does not mean we have not been determined or dedicated, just means that we let ourselves be reminded once in a while to stay strong and keep trying. I think you appreciate that as much as I do.

Stay strong please, you are a very special person.

:friends:


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## Ftbwgil (Nov 23, 2013)

Hi Forgetmenot

I have noticed you have sometimes  liked or thanked some of the things I have written..... that means a lot to me. This forum is like a familly.... we all have challenges.... major ones .. and this community really cares.  You are not alone.  I also have had some really difficult times and have to work at my recovery every day.  You are a great person and deserve great things.  I would sometimes make a list of alll the good things I have done in my past .  I sure if you made a list you would come up with a good amount of things that show that your good and needed.  I hope you keep on working hard at getting to know the goodness you posess.  I will send you some postive airwaves:lol: and lots of encouragement. you are a great person and  if you continue telling yourself your good you will believe it


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## forgetmenot (Nov 23, 2013)

Thanks you both for your kindness i am less anxious now  and i  know i am good now  just tired thanks


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## forgetmenot (Dec 17, 2013)

How does one accommodate all the sadness the pain  the fear the loss the guilt  the shame  and what does accommodate really mean i don't know 
i am in therapy  i just cannot take meds ok i have tried but i cannot my brain my thoughts wont let me  i feel worse when i take them


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## Ftbwgil (Dec 17, 2013)

Hi forgetmenot

I really share a lot of the same burdens you have. Guilt is a big one and shame as well. They kind of go together. Guilt is devastating and so is shame. For that reason you need to forgive yourself. What happenned to you and the way you dealt with it was the best you could do. I assume a lot of the bad things happenned when you where younger and where just a child. You had no assistance then .... but you do now.  I recommend that you make a list of all the things that you did that where shamefull and then write yourself a forgiveness for each situation... each one and back it up with the fact that it was not your fault and that you will show more love towards yourself. At first it will feel awkward and mechanical but you will get the hang of it.  When I see the words that yousay about suicide I share your sadness and I also know that there is I am sure a lot of people that love you and appreciate you/  Life is a present which infers live the present.  Some one told me the other day .. everything starts as of today...  the past has no value other than what you give it.... You can close it and start living now..... alot of people care


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## forgetmenot (Dec 18, 2013)

I had closed it  the past  i had moved on became someone  but then the past was drugged up again by dam professionals

  they should have left it buried all of it should had been kept  buried

  thanks  i will try to show some forgiveness to myself try to let go of it all i will

  Hard to live in the present when the emotions keep being triggered from the past

  It is like im there again dam  but i know im not there

  thanks for your help  and for all your post  they help too.

i just feel like that nothing that no one again  and i hate her  i hate feeling like her  because im not her not anymore

each day i wake up and i fight to get through it but i don't want to be here anymore i just don't


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## Mari (Dec 18, 2013)

I am not sure closing the past is helpful if you have not first dealt with it, as difficult as that is. It makes me think of closing the door on a messy closet and hoping no-one ever opens it - better to clean it up first. This can be a difficult time of the year - I am definitely struggling and looking for any help I can get. Stay grounded, stay focused, and stay here. Even the snow can be pretty.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 18, 2013)

Mari said:


> I am not sure closing the past is helpful if you have not first dealt with it, as difficult as that is. It makes me think of closing the door on a messy closet and hoping no-one ever opens it - better to clean it up first. This can be a difficult time of the year - I am definitely struggling and looking for any help I can get. Stay grounded, stay focused, and stay here. Even the snow can be pretty.



I am sorry you are struggling Mari  i hate this time year so much  last time i saw my bro  i hate this time of year  anyways  messy closet  oh god my aunt always said leave the skeletons in the closet  leave them there  don't talk  and i feel guilty for saying what  i have said  and i won't say anymore   i will try to enjoy my surroundings the snow  lots of snow there is  went for awalk in it today  lots of snow inside my boots lol  

Hope you can stay grounded Mari hope you have friends and family to help you stay grounded  hugs to you


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## MHealthJo (Dec 19, 2013)

Hugs to you Forgetmenot.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 20, 2013)

i was honest with my gp yesterday  i will again try to take med she ordered  one at bedtime  each night    Have to get them first  storming here  i just wish my mind would let me do this without the battle inside  such a battle


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## Ftbwgil (Dec 20, 2013)

Hi There Forgetmenot..... 

I also have been afraid to go in the past.  Its really scary .... and it brings out feelings that we as children buried...  They have to come out but gently..... very gently and very slowly....  The exercise growing down the inner child in this forum has really helped me. If you could find someone to meet once a week that is in a similar situation that would be helpfull to do the exercise with them. What my recovery partner and I found makes the whole difference is the manner in which we deal with things that we opened from the past. The meeting needs to be well structured we will be doing it I figure for the next 3 years or more  which is what I mean by gently and slowly...... What also helps is a recovery partner someone you trust   not very easy for us eh!!!!!!     

Hard to live he present when the emotions keep being triggered from the past

The structure we follow is this

1. We answer a question and the we discuss the emotionand feeling of the past.... we talk about how it makes us feel today
2. We acknowledge that this did happen and a feeling is appropriate with the goal to hand over that feeling to the adult self.  At the time we where not in control. It was not our fault. We seek understanding/forgiveness for ourselves and try to do the same for the abuser. It helps to visualize the abusers as wounded children
3. Ths is the most important one CLOSURE  we take control today and acknowledge that what happenned was in the past. Its over it does not exist. We say out loud that our choices are to end the pain today and live the now with what it is now.

doing 1 question or 10 it all depends on how you feel per session. But every emotion you feel can be processed in the manner above.  This is my opinion only and it has worked for me and my recovery partner.  

I hope that you take the time to look deep inside of yourself and see how good a person you are.  Your words often help me and they make a positive difference in my life andmany others in this forum.  

We where hurt in the past but look we are survivors. We are writting about our feelings and expressing ourselves. We never didthat as childdren. the healing is happenning we just have to be patient.

My therapist told meone time its a wonder i did not end up on the streets or on crack, meth etc.  Some of the people we see that are in that situation are really hurting inside and where not as fortunate to see the tools that are at their disposal.  We have the power now to make a difference. We are no longer powerless wounded children

Take care and have a nice day


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## forgetmenot (Dec 28, 2013)

Thanks for you support  all i can say is that you are very strong to do what you are doing   and i am glad you have a partner to help you


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## Ftbwgil (Jan 6, 2014)

Thanks forgetmenot and I realize how fortunate i am for having found a friend who was also abused and wishes to help himself out. This recovery partner friend i have is that.... we dont hang out .... we meet and work and share..  of course he is like a brother to me and we do not judge each other.  I met this person at a twelve step program then we decided to do a recovery program above and beyond the meeting within a group of 6 .  During a year we did this program and then continued to stay in touch to support one and other.

I appreciate your strenght as well as I read thru your threads there is always hope and determination .


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## forgetmenot (Jan 6, 2014)

What is a 12 step program someone ask me once if i did that i don't know what it is


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 7, 2014)

forgetmenot said:


> What is a 12 step program someone ask me once if i did that i don't know what it is



The Twelve Step Program originated as the model for Alcoholics Anonymous:



> a set of guiding principles (accepted by members as 'spiritual  principles,' based on the approved literature) outlining a course of  action for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems



It has since been widely used as the basis for a number of other peer-support programs.


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## GDPR (Jan 7, 2014)

There are twelve-step programs for nearly everything imaginable anymore.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 7, 2014)

David Baxter said:


> The Twelve Step Program originated as the model for Alcoholics Anonymous:
> 
> 
> 
> It has since been widely used as the basis for a number of other peer-support programs.




oh ok thanks i knew there was a 12 step for AA  but did not know it was applied for other  illnesses   thanks


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## Ftbwgil (Jan 7, 2014)

As David highlighted there are twelve step programs for all sorts of behaviors.  I attended a twelve step program for 5 years and then stopped going.  There is a twelve step program workbook that you can get at bookstores.  I believe the one we did was Twelve steps a way out ... or close to that.  It took six of us 1 year to complete and it really helped clean up a lot of my issues that where hampering my wellbeing.

 The biggest benefit to these groups is sharing your situation and listening to people who share and feeling normal that your not alone.  These groups can somtimes be rigid and the way they expect members to follow the program and some are pretty care free. I do not like the rigid. You can always go on a website and see what its like. They often have a phone number where you can contact a member and he will help you with the process of attending a first meeting.  The people attending these meetings can really relate to a lot as they have also experienced and are experiencing personal challenges.

 Some of my significant experiences where to recognize what I can and cant control.... thats a big one.... Its called the serenity prayer. 

Another was to disclose to someone I trust all of my secrets all of my shame and my hurt.... that one was huge and you really have to trust the person ....

one step is to be  asponsor and help people who have issues... that can be rewarding.  Its worth looking at and can be complimentary to other recovery sources such as your therapist , meds, etc.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 7, 2014)

Thanks but i know i will never attend a group  just not for me  not sure abt things   what is going to happen im not sure


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