# Everything hurts



## Lonewolf (Nov 19, 2013)

I'm so sorry!! Am an emotional wreck, just so tearful all of the time!! The pain inside is terribly overwhelming!! I don't know what to do? Feels like the world is against me and I have no one to fight on my side!! It hurts!! Very lonely!! painful!! Doesn't feel like its worth it! Just wish I could give in, give up! Sleep forever!! I must have done something really dreadful in a previous life and this one is my punishment for that!! 

I am desperate for a hug and to know that this is all worth it, but that's not going to happen anymore!! Sounds daft!! I don't want to be here anymore!! That would be one less to feed! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

You probably think this is an over reaction? You are probably right? But I have seriously hit a brick wall and can't see any way forward! To be honest im not worth the struggle and it is only me at the end of the day!!! 

Apologise, As miserable, as always!!! 



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I totally understand if you are all bored to tears hearing me bleat on about how rubbish I feel all the time!!


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## Retired (Nov 19, 2013)

Are you receiving any form of medical treatment for your depression?


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## forgetmenot (Nov 19, 2013)

NOt bored hun concerned ok i know what it like to be where you are at   boy do i   so i am concerned and hope Lonewolf you have professional help hun.
If not please do what i do when i feel like i have no hope left  i call crisis line  i call my therapist leave a msg  i reach out to people here like you are doing  
You are not alone ok we are here with you but you need someone in real life to help you too.   Depression omg it is hell i get that it is and it makes one one to j ust give up but please don't ok  not until you try other means to help you  hugs to you ok  i know they are not ones you want but they are sent with compassion and care for you . hugs


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## Lonewolf (Nov 19, 2013)

ive been on the same medication for several years now!


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## forgetmenot (Nov 19, 2013)

Maybe then your medication needs to be changed a bit because it is not working now  sometimes that happens   maybe talk to your doc ok  I am sorry you are so low  just know we care ok hugs


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## Lonewolf (Nov 19, 2013)

The only crisis line I have access to are the 'sams' and I find it easier to email them, but they take a couple of days to respond to that!!

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Have been told lots of times that the medication doesn't solve everything!!! So im a little worried about asking the Dr! Don't think I can cope with being confronted with that!!


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## forgetmenot (Nov 19, 2013)

Good Samaritans have help me too i email them but they usually get back to me within a days time   No meds are not everything therapy is needed too but if meds are not working well and you have been on them years your doc should know the effect of them will wear off some   just tell  doc your meds are  not working as well as they once did 
you advocate for YOU ok  does not matter what your doc says  you fight for YOU  don't let him make you feel small hugs


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## Lonewolf (Nov 19, 2013)

sorry! I don't have any other words in my mind! just so, so sorry! :distress:


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## forgetmenot (Nov 19, 2013)

It is ok  let your mind rest for a bit ok  were here when you want to let go of some of the thoughts later hugs


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## HBas (Nov 20, 2013)

No one is tired of hearing how you feel. It would be awesome to hear that you are taking care of yourself by getting some much deserved help. It would be nice to hear indeed, remember you are worth it.

Hugs


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## Retired (Nov 20, 2013)

> Have been told lots of times that the medication doesn't solve everything!!! So im a little worried about asking the Dr! Don't think I can cope with being confronted with that!!​



.....and that is correct.  Medication restores brain chemical balance that can relieve symptoms to enable supportive psychotherapy to teach us how to modify behavioural and thinking patterns that can contribute to recovery.

Medication is not a magic wand that can cure your illness, and if that truth has not worked for you as you evidently have experienced, then it woud be in your best interest to try something else.

That something else would have to include some hard work on your part to seek supportive psychotherapy and and then actively participate in the recommendations of your therapist.....  combined with a medication regimen.

Additionally, you would want to ask your doctor to re-evaluate your medications to determine if any modifications may or may not be warranted.

Antidepressant medication sometimes has to be occasionally modified in many people, as there is no "one size fits all" prescription.  Each of us responds differently to the variety of antidepressant medications, so it can require some trial and error over a prolonged period, months and even years to find the right combination.

During that time, supportive psychotherapy can make significant strides in making changes in thinking patterns.

You have made progress since you first joined our community, Lonewolf, so why not make the effort to restart a conversation with your doctor to find ways to help you return to good mental health.

If what you have been doing has not worked so far, it might be time to try something else.

What do you think?


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## Lonewolf (Nov 20, 2013)

Maybe??? I don't have the strength to face anyone!! I need to! I can't hold it together enough!! im so annoyingly emotional! If I go out its going to make me even more vulnerable!!! I know I need to give myself a kick up the bum and get on with it! just can't!!! I'm really sorry, I wish I could vanish !!! Stop annoying everyone!! Stop needing!! Sorry!! Am very sorry!


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## Retired (Nov 20, 2013)

I don't know what kind of support services might be available to you in the U.K., but if you called a local crisis assistance group, like Good Samaritans, for example, I wonder if they might be able to provide a companion to  help you travel and see your doctor, give you support to open a discussion with your doctor, to get the help you need.

I cannot imagine the way you might feel at this moment, and although you might feel overwhelmed at the possibility of seeking help, if you think of the process of taking one step at a time, that is to focus on accomplishing each step of the process, then moving on to the next, rather than visualizing the entire journey, you might find it more manageable.

I believe, from having several discussions with you, that deep inside you would like to regain control of your life.  I've seen the incremental steps of progress you have made, and am encouraged by that, for you.

It might not be easy, but nothing worth accomplishing is ever easy.

Perhaps you could start by making a phone call to your doctor to make an appointment.  Once that's done, we can figure out what to plan next.


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## Lonewolf (Nov 21, 2013)

need it all to stop!!


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## Retired (Nov 21, 2013)

The pain and the symptoms can only stop if you take the necessary steps to get the ongoing treatment you need for your diagnosis.

This can only happen when *you *act to get the help you need.


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## MHealthJo (Nov 21, 2013)

Hugs to you LoneWolf. Keep going, keep seeing the groups and resources and professionals available to you at this time, keep learning, keep reading. Thinking of you.


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## Lonewolf (Nov 23, 2013)

Easier said than done, i'm afraid!! I have tried to get some help but its just out of reach for some of us!!! I can tell you that I have an assessment by a mental health practitioner on Tuesday, but im getting myself so worked up about it, I am so scared!! Intimidated!! I am so nervous around professionals. It would be so nice if I had someone to go with me, hold my hand (so to speak!!) Yet again I fight alone!!
I know some of you think that I have to face this if I want the help and you are right, but it doesn't take away my fears, my panicking and feeling that im wasting anyone's time! I am always frightened im being a nuscence!!!  I apologise to anyone who thinks im being negative about this, im just worried!!

sorry!


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 23, 2013)

We will be with you in spirit. Thinking of you.


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## forgetmenot (Nov 23, 2013)

I know it is hard not to worry LoneWolf  but the professionals will not think you are wasting their time  They are there to assess you and get the help you need to feel better
Just know as said we are there with you ok  in spirit like said  Let us know how it goes  hugs


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## Retired (Nov 23, 2013)

> I am so scared!! Intimidated!! I am so nervous around professionals



Let's talk about that, Lonewolf.

What do you see as the worst thing that could happen in this upcoming encounter....that would cause you the greatest amount of stress.

Please take a few moments to articulate what you see as potentially could go wrong for you in that appointment, and let's see if we might be able to offer some insights and strategies you might use to deal with your concerns.


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## Lonewolf (Nov 24, 2013)

To start with it could be a man doing the assessment!! That would freak me out before anything else!!! I am also afraid of any confrontation that may happen and the big issue is if they tell me that they can't or won't help me!! I would be totally destroyed and embarrassed if that happened!!! I am also concerned about what I would do if they couldn't help me!!! mg:


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## Retired (Nov 24, 2013)

> To start with it could be a man doing the assessment!!



Could you just say that you have some issues that make you feel uncomfortable being seen by a male therapist, and that you would be more comfortable being seen by a female?  I think that is not an unreasonable request to make.

I cannot imagine a therapist suggesting anyone is beyond help.  Has that ever been suggested to you in the past?


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 25, 2013)

Not to hijack your thread, but I also have a appointment with a mental health work on Tuesday, a psychiatrist. I am anxious and nervous. I will be thinking of you though and sending through the air (  ) positive thoughts.


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## Lonewolf (Nov 25, 2013)

In answer to your question 'yes'!!! I was told that no one could ever cure me, which I understand!! And I was also told that I am as good as I am ever going to get! This was by the last psychiatrist!! So not very positive, hey?? mg:

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Good luck lol! I sincerely mean that!!

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i'm petrified!!!!


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## Retired (Nov 25, 2013)

> And I was also told that I am as good as I am ever going to get! This was by the last psychiatrist!!



So that was the opinion of one person.  Did this psychiatrist explain why in his/her opinion your illness was untreatable?

If I were in your situation, I would seek another opinion, at least.

In the end, the question remains, do you want to get better, find ways to manage your symptoms and regains some if not all control of your life?


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## Lonewolf (Nov 25, 2013)

my control was taken away from me when I was raped and abused!!!! If I could ever 'get over' that I would be half way there!!! It effects everything more now than it ever did when it actually happened!! I can't get a brain transplant so that im not trapped inside this repulsive body!!! I know that's never going to happen!!! I do have times when I think I am coping better with my lot and I have times when I feel like my fight was over before it began!! 

Im so sorry to say this, but I needed to say it where its safe!!! I apologise if its out of order!!


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## MHealthJo (Nov 26, 2013)

"Bah Humbug" to the last psychiatrist, Lonewolf.

There are always more options or ideas to explore and there are always possibilities we can think up even if some boring old person wasn't imaginative enough...

There are always limits that we can shake off of ourselves eventually
...



Sending lots of strength to you..... You can do it....   !! xx


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## Lonewolf (Nov 26, 2013)

went to assessment and it seems they haven't given up on me totally, yet! Even though I have! I have to wait for the result, but he told me it shouldn't be more than a couple of weeks!! Unfortunately it was a man and there wasn't a woman available to do it!! I had a worker from the group I go to, with me and I get on really well with her! she was able to fill in the gaps when I felt uneasy discussing difficult stuff with him!!


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## Retired (Nov 26, 2013)

> my control was taken away from me when I was raped and abused!!!!



Lonewolf,

I couldn't even imagine the terrible harm you must have endured.  I'm encouraged by the evaluation you underwent, and that your experience was largely positive, though I understand your apprehension with having had to do it with a male, but fortunately you arranged to have an ally come with you.

This indicates to me that you do have some control of your circumstances, and hopefully with counseling and therapy you will learn to gradually increase the level of control of your life.

I thought you might find some inspiration from the following article in The Telegraph, titled Life After Rape that tells about women who were raped but found ways to come back and regain control over their own lives.

The article ends with this message:

_*For local support services visit thesurvivorstrust.org. To find a Rape Crisis centre near you visit Rape Crisis - England and Wales  Contact Victim Support on 0845 303 0900 or Victim Support *_

Have you ever had contact with these?


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## Lonewolf (Nov 26, 2013)

I have been in touch with the Rape crisis service but there is a very long list im still awaiting my turn! I am at number 24 now! I am not in any rush for this though!!! The thought of revisiting any of it, is much more of a struggle for me than the actual waiting for an individual therapist to become available!! There is a helpline but its not available during the nights which is when I find things difficult!! mg:


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## MHealthJo (Nov 28, 2013)

You have done amazingly Lonewolf yet again. You are amazing. So proud of you!! 

Keep hanging in there....


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## Ftbwgil (Nov 30, 2013)

Hi Lonewolf,

I sense your frustration and I would like to say that some of the books I read say all sorts of things and everybody who reads a book gets a different view /angle of the message. My point is that if someone tells you that you are as good as it will get then they are right ...... about themselves!!!!!!! not you ..... how can they make that comment and conclusion..... they are not you..... while they might have an ideal about you, the truth lies within yourself.  The determination is within you.  My best example for making my own determinations is the upbringing I had. If I would have listened and accepted the statements of my caregivers i would probably not be alive today.  The fact that you are here and voicing your feelings and concerns is done for you.  Not to validate anyone elses opinion or thoughts. You have had unfairness in your life and I can relate.  To me the only moment in life that is real is the now.  This moment now will never happen again therefore try to do things that keep you in the now. And decide that your recovery will improve your way of being and if anyone says differently then know that they cannot and i mean cannot make a conclusion about your well being.... they are not you... they cannot predict or control your determination to live a better life. Only you can do that. As soon as someone gets negative with me I make a conscious decision to exclude their opinions from my life. I think your doing fantastic as you are expressing your feelings .


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