# I am out of options



## SilverRaven

I feel I have no more options available to me...I have spent hours and  days calling places to see if I can find help for my depression and there is nothing available close to me that offers free or reduced payments...I thought I was getting a bit better thou but this past week was just to much for me to handle..I have been crying deep inside alone where nobody can see...but I can no longer show a smile on my face and pretend things are ok....I spoke how I was feeling to my family and I got nowhere...I called a support line today and they gave me a number to call and check to see if they offered free help or reduced it was the last option I could find...they could not help me....so I feel I have no other options out there...I have no support system now....I cant keep my emotions in check anymore...all I think about it the obvious and I am so trying not to act on it but I feel like I have no other choices...I dont have anyone to talk to nobody to help me...I am lost and now I cant be found...I have searched and searched online in phone books and there is nothing in this stupid state that can help me?.!!!!!!...I am getting the impression I was not meant to be helped...so the stupid idiotic thoughts are in my head ever more so now..I dont know what to do...I did what was suggested and yet I am still at square one...I really feel alone...this is real negative thinking and I cant change it.....I am worthless..I serve no purpose....I am a fly buzzing around a home  and being swatted at with newpaper or fly swatter ...why am I here?...my  family does not want me...they have proven that..everything I touch or  get near turns to crap.....I am still here today...but hanging on by a  strand of thin silk...I want to be different..I fought for ten years to  be better than I am..to do what ever it took to be healthy and happy not  for them but for myself...but in the end someone knows just how to tear  it all apart and flush it ...I am hurting so bad right now and have  lost all that hope I thought I was starting to see...because in the real  world all you have in life is yourself and nothing else..you end up  being alone always if you part ways from everything that causes you  pain...I really would be living physically in an isolated world if I  part from all in my life and then I would be dead in my mind anyways...I  have at  least broken one link in the chain today but right at this  moment that chain is never ending and I cant see the end of it today.....I am alone when I cant even find help for myself and my family is not helping the situation....I turned to them like people suggested and this is how I end up feeling .....because they dont want me around or for a couple of them I live with they  don't LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Daniel

There's always the Internet for relatively low-cost online counseling.   And a lot of libraries have the "Feeling Good" book by Dr. Burns.  That book has been a lifesaver for many people, and it has a chapter on hopelessness/suicide.


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## SilverRaven

Daniel said:


> There's always the Internet for relatively low-cost online counseling.   And a lot of libraries have the "Feeling Good" book by Dr. Burns.  That book has been a lifesaver for many people, and it has a chapter on hopelessness/suicide.


 I  will check the sites out if i can find any so far when i have spent time looking for help online I have not come across any online help only self help sittes...is there a specific thing i should be typing in or something to find them...I will go to the bookstore tomorow and look for that book...thanks for the idea...i really dont know what else to do


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## Daniel

A good way to get started for free is this online CBT program (interfacing with a computer rather than a therapist):

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

as mentioned here: 

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cognitive-behavior-therapy-cbt/23201-links-to-online-cbt-resources.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/online-c...isorder-depression-and-anxiety-disorders.html

And, of course, you can always post questions here at Psychlinks.


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## Retired

Hello Silver Raven,

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time locating a resource that can help.



> I am getting the impression I was not meant to be helped



Not at all, but sometimes bureacracy gets in the way to finding the right resource for you.  Give us a chance to help and maybe together we can figure out how you might get through this difficult time.

I believe you are in Virginia, is that right?  On doing an initial search I cam up with This Online Resource that lists crisis lines in various parts of your State.

Because I don't believe we have communicated before, I am not familiar with your situation.  Are you currently under the care of a physician or other therapist for your depression?  Are you taking medication for your mood disorders?

What about family or friends....is there someone close to you that can be of help and provide you with support?

I understand you are feeling pretty bad, and your post is in the Suicide section of Psychlinks....are you contemplating suicide?  Have you ever attempted suicide in the past?

Know that we are here to help, Silver Raven and that although life may seem to be bleak at this time, that there may be solutions we can figure out that can help resolve some of these issues.

Let's keep the conversation going to see what we can come up with.


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## SilverRaven

Steve said:


> Hello Silver Raven,
> 
> Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time locating a resource that can help.
> 
> 
> 
> Not at all, but sometimes bureacracy gets in the way to finding the right resource for you.  Give us a chance to help and maybe together we can figure out how you might get through this difficult time.
> 
> I believe you are in Virginia, is that right?  On doing an initial search I cam up with This Online Resource that lists crisis lines in various parts of your State.
> 
> Because I don't believe we have communicated before, I am not familiar with your situation.  Are you currently under the care of a physician or other therapist for your depression?  Are you taking medication for your mood disorders?
> 
> What about family or friends....is there someone close to you that can be of help and provide you with support?
> 
> I understand you are feeling pretty bad, and your post is in the Suicide section of Psychlinks....are you contemplating suicide?  Have you ever attempted suicide in the past?
> 
> Know that we are here to help, Silver Raven and that although life may seem to be bleak at this time, that there may be solutions we can figure out that can help resolve some of these issues.
> 
> Let's keep the conversation going to see what we can come up with.


 ...thanks Steve...yes i am in Virginia...and i talked to someone on the national crisis line today and she gave me a number for a place near by but they do not accept sliding scales..so I was at at the end of what I can do..she knew of no places near me..and she is in marion here so she should know I guess...I have not been seeing anyone or been on any meds for over a year now since my move....I have plans lots of them...I have thought about when and where...yes I am suicidal now...but have not acted upon it yet..

I talked to family back home and to my husband who is with me and i got nowhere...it goes in one ear and out the other...along with blame...there is alot of history behind my feelings and I was doing well on my own but lately it is  way out of control and all i do is pace and pace and cant get my mind off of thoughts of harming myself...

I do alot of self harm which only relieves the tension briefly but i dont want to do that either...I cant sleep I cant eat...I have tried many times in the past to kill myself...last year being the last time...

I thought moving away from things causing some of my problems would improve things for me and my husband and son but nooooo.....its the same and  worse...I have been reading and that only distracts me for a few moments beforre my thoughts return to bad...i am going to try and find that book tomorrow thou...and I have been looking online for help and i saw alot of CBT things just didnt think it applied to me since I went through DBT several times...I thought they were different since my therapist never mentioned it before...


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## Retired

> yes I am suicidal now...but have not acted upon it yet



Will you promise to keep yourself safe so we can try to figure out a way for you to get through this?



> she gave me a number for a place near by but they do not accept sliding scales



To be sure I understand what you are looking for, are you looking for a therapist or physician whose fees are based on your current income, insurance benefits or ability to pay?



> thought moving away from things causing some of my problems would improve things for me and my husband and son



What seems to be at the root of the problems that moving to a different location cannot solve?  Are the problems based on your relationship with your husband?



> I have plans lots of them



Would you share what are some of your plans ?

How old is your son, Silver Raven?


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## SilverRaven

Steve said:


> Will you promise to keep yourself safe so we can try to figure out a way for you to get through this?
> 
> 
> 
> To be sure I understand what you are looking for, are you looking for a therapist or physician whose fees are based on your current income, insurance benefits or ability to pay?
> 
> 
> 
> What seems to be at the root of the problems that moving to a different location cannot solve? Are the problems based on your relationship with your husband?
> 
> 
> 
> Would you share what are some of your plans ?
> 
> How old is your son, Silver Raven?


my children are 21 20 19 and 11..the others are back home in wisconsin one is going to prison and i cant be there to help him...my husband and 11 yr old son living with me argue everyday over the same thing over and over and over and over..never ending and again just now they are and I am tired of it...they wont listen to me when i say they are driving me insane.....they wont stop not even for one day...we moved away because we lost our home last year and had nowhere to go no family would help us out but a friend i met online gave us an open invitation to come stay with them until we got on our feet...my kids back home were driving me nuts with all the fighting and blaming going on...so we came here to get away from it and start over....I never should have moved...we were lied to from the start by this ex friend of mine..and he is a drug user and me having used in the past started using while living there so we moved asap into our own place.....it boils down to mostly no support in my life and everyone running around with their heads cut off....i guess an entire family of mental issues of various degrees does not help...an\
and yes i am looking for someone who bases care on income...since i no longer have insurance and im poor....

_{specific details of suicidal thoughts deleted}_

my problems stem with my current liviing situation and back home...i cant get away from anything...cant fix anything...


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## Retired

You have obviously endured more stress than most people, and you would appear to be in need of local support.  Is there a hospital in your area where you could go to the Emergency Department for help?

 A more immediate resource would be that you call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you. 

Your children will need your guidance and love as they begin their own lives, and your children are your most important reason to live.

Will you call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) explain your situation, and let us know the outcome?


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## SilverRaven

Steve said:


> You have obviously endured more stress than most people, and you would appear to be in need of local support.  Is there a hospital in your area where you could go to the Emergency Department for help?
> 
> A more immediate resource would be that you call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.
> 
> Your children will need your guidance and love as they begin their own lives, and your children are your most important reason to live.
> 
> Will you call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) explain your situation, and let us know the outcome?


 I did call them today....I talked to the lady for over an hour or so...I told her my intentions and what would happen if my husband and son started their crap again tonight...which they did...but yet i am sititng here talking to you so I have not let to do anything yet...if I go to a hospital that will incure high charges that we simply cannot afford...my mental health seems to be a big burden on us as it costs so much ...the meds I need are not cheap and a stay in the hospital would be over 400 a day ...I explained the situation to the lady today...she told me to call back if I was still feeling bad and planned on leaving tonight...I told her I would try...if i can get a cell signal on my phone...I told my husband I was sitting here talking to you and that I was  checking on online therapy and well "we cant afford 149.00 for 8 weeks".....then I told him what was going on and well he just goes to talking about work and how he hates his boss...and so like a good wifey I sit and listen..then he talks about Christmas cards?....ok......I did try to reach out today...I did try...and while talking to her I was pacing like a caged lion...I got angry..and everything else..the more I talked the angrier I got...yeah I need help ...but I dont want to put us in more debt either...thats all that seems to matter to him right now is how much it costs to see anyone...he griped about the 160 he dished out last week to get a piece of metal out of his eye...arrrghhh.......


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## Daniel

BTW:  Mental Health America: Affiliate Search

And 70 percent of the people who call the national hotline are in emotional distress without being suicidal:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-...g-mental-health-care-when-money-is-tight.html

The emphasis is on prevention rather than waiting for people to call only when they are suicidal.


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## SilverRaven

Daniel said:


> BTW:  Mental Health America: Affiliate Search
> 
> And 70 percent of the people who call the national hotline are in emotional distress without being suicidal:
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-...g-mental-health-care-when-money-is-tight.html
> 
> The emphasis is on prevention rather than waiting for people to call only when they are in fact suicidal.


 yeah I know how they work...I have called them many times back home....been looking at some of the links you posted on here...I told my husband about the whole hospital thing and he says why so we get charged even more?...yeah he's not thrilled I see...I been trying to get him to see what needs to be done but all he is thinking about is money...well i am off im taking up you time...I am going for a drive..they wont stop fighting so I am going out for awhile and get me a pop or something ...


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## Daniel

Since you mentioned before that you have better health benefits (Medicaid)  in Wisconsin, do you have some family members there you could live with, assuming someone could pay for your trip?



			
				SilverRaven said:
			
		

> my family consists of me my husband and my children...21 20 19 and  11...the three oldest live back home in Wisconsin  and are happy with their own l ives...my mom is also back home to and  my grandson...who i have only gotten to see for three days...I can not  afford to go see him or anything....I  can not afford to see any of my  family
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/new-members-introductions/24764-i-am-new.html#post177665


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## SilverRaven

Daniel said:


> Since you mentioned before that you have better health benefits (Medicaid)  in Wisconsin, do you have some family members there you could live with, assuming someone could pay for your trip?


 no I dont...my mom and i dont get along together and my other children well...Kat lives with her father at the moment mikes in jail...kristin is married with her own family and wants to keep it that way...she doesnt want anyone staying with them...I was suprised she let us last year for a week but that was only because she was having her son and she wanted me to be there...but other than that we talked and no she could not put up with us being there espec since Scott and Skyler like to argue all the time which is what they did there to and she couldnt stand it....my mom i stayed with for a week that time to and it was agony...for all of us..she is set in her ways and she promised my brother that she would never allow me to move back in ever...so she's holding to that one....when i say i have nobody i meant it....they contact  me when they want something and thats it....sucks to have been adopted into a messed up family espc since my mother was a social worker...you'd think my life would have turned out different since she dishes out the input on others lives but cant apply it to her own...nope nobody back home to stay with...i wish i want back home bad even thou life there is just as hard at least i would still be on my meds and in therapy still...


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## Yuray

Is the present situation you are now in a recurring one?, and if so, what is the cycle, and what are the similarities and causes?


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## David Baxter PhD

I gave you some links previously to low cost or free medications for those without financial resources. Were you able to follow up on those?


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## Cat Dancer

Here is the post Dr. Baxter is referring to with the links. 


http://forum.psychlinks.ca/suicide/24765-thinking-about-ending-it-all.html#post177676


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## Cat Dancer

You said you've been through DBT? Could you use some of the coping skills from that to help you out? Here's a helpful site that Daniel shared with me. 

DBT Self Help


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## SilverRaven

David Baxter said:


> I gave you some links previously to low cost or free medications for those without financial resources. Were you able to follow up on those?


 yes I did check on those site remember and they cant help me because I do not have a doctor presently who will write the scripts I need..thats my whole problem is that I  cant find anyone who will see me...I have exhausted every resource I can find...I went for a drive and was gone for a couple hours and I called the crisis number again...she is going to get me a number to  call tomorrow to see if they  can help me..she's not sure if they can but she said they might be able to so its worth a  shot ....

---------- Post added November 9th, 2010 at 12:02 AM ---------- Previous post was November 8th, 2010 at 11:56 PM ----------




SilverRaven said:


> yes I did check on those site remember and they cant help me because I do not have a doctor presently who will write the scripts I need..thats my whole problem is that I  cant find anyone who will see me...I have exhausted every resource I can find...I went for a drive and was gone for a couple hours and I called the crisis number again...she is going to get me a number to  call tomorrow to see if they  can help me..she's not sure if they can but she said they might be able to so its worth a  shot ....


 I will have to check that out because its been so long since I went through the course...all I  can remember is staying in a wise mind..and that there is no cant and what if  and why...seems I remember that because i say cant all the time and what if and why....so good at sayiing i cant......


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## David Baxter PhD

Oh, yes... sorry... I remember now.


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## SilverRaven

Yuray said:


> Is the present situation you are now in a recurring one?, and if so, what is the cycle, and what are the similarities and causes?


 I guess I dont get it...are you refering to my mental situation or my family life situation?...cause the answer to both is recurring and the cycle?..uh...I never paid attention to that other than it was at least once a year i would go through this but this is different...I have never gone so many times around in one year being this bad off...or constantly being in one state of mind...the thoughts recurring over and over like a broken record and when I try to break it I end up with a new one repeating itself......causes most are unknown I just end up  feeling like this and then there are the times when my familiy gets on my nerves and start ripping on me for  one thing or another...like tonight...my husband knew there was something wrong with me and knew I was in one of my moods as he calls it and still he let me walk out the door...why?...to let me do my thing I guess...I came back tonight for one reason...my son.....but I cant keep this roller coaster thing going .....I feel like a burden...I want to cry so bad and yet I cant because I am  suppose to be strong..I am not suppose to be like this.....I am a mother a wife a daughter a sister a grandma...and a granddaughter..I am suppose to be the one supporting  them arent I ?...then why am I such a disaster...why after all these years i am no closer to being normal but gettting farther in the hole?...there really arent any similarities other than it usually something said or done to trigger the thoughts to go into hyper mode...and the only way to avoid them is to avoid human life all together and thats not possible...my cats are even avoiding me that makes me feel oh so much better...


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## Retired

Silver Raven,

Your priority has to be to get some local support and medical attention.  Do you have a trusted friend or family member who might be able to assist in making some phone calls to local service agencies on your behalf?  You might even try contacting a local womens' shelter for information on local support agencies.   Are you anywhere near a teaching hospital or public hospital that might have a facility that can provide free service to you?

In what part of Virginia are you located?


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## Daniel

On that note, it may help to expand your search to towns/cities that are within 1 or 2 hours of driving distance.  In the rural area where I live, many people here, including my parents, often have to drive almost 1.5 hours to see a specialist.

As a reminder, you can search the United Way's online database by state and city: 2-1-1 Search

So if you live near another state, it may help to search by different states as well.


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## SilverRaven

Daniel said:


> On that note, it may help to expand your search to towns/cities that are within 1 or 2 hours of driving distance.  In the rural area where I live, many people here, including my parents, often have to drive almost 1.5 hours to see a specialist.
> 
> As a reminder, you can search the United Way's online database by state and city: 2-1-1 Search
> 
> So if you live near another state, it may help to search by different states as well.


 I have been doing alot of reasearch into areas outside my village...everything seems to be centered near the southern part of the state and so arent the hospitals that offer help in this field...I did the 211 search a few times and still am checking more..united way also pointed to the southern part of the state..im still looking but I am at a point of giving up...I tried to go into town today just to get out and my truck told me nooooo high idle...even my truck is giving up on me....I seriously think something is telling me I am not to be here...every thing that has happened since being here has happened only to me or the close calls ..accidents..near misses....fate is out to get me and I am eager to let her...


and no I do not have any family here they are all back home in Wisconsin...which right now they are all being negative towards me yet again...I do not know of any teaching places here...I do not know this state so I do not know where to look for things...first priority...I am last on priorities ....I have to be...I was late on my rent this month because of my husbands mishap and expenses.....now that puts us behind on other bills...so how can I be a priority if I am going to cost alot..I think I am what do they  call it a liability...to costly to keep...I been reading things on the DBT and you know my mind turns everything around to a negative...why?....using the senses and that....I find every reason to hate what i see hear taste feel...and I dont do it on purpose....my mind just pops up with why I hate it.....I know I am a complete waste but cant help it...every step forward leads to a mile further backwards......I am still looking

---------- Post added at 04:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:31 PM ----------




Steve said:


> Silver Raven,
> 
> a teaching hospital or public hospital that might have a facility that can provide free service to you?
> 
> In what part of Virginia are you located?


 

I live in Etlan, VA 15 miles from Culpeper...I found University Of Virginia that offers sliding scale and services to people on the 211 just a few mins ago..I am still reading the info on what they offer and such but will give them a call tomorrow ...problem is they are in Charlottesville which is alot farther off and getting there is going to be hard for me as my husband has the truck during the day for work...thats why I think he wanted to live in the boonies so I was isolated from everything I cant walk anywhere and I have no friends here so no ride from them...sighs....figures...ggggrrrrr.....why does mental health have to be the biggest headache in the world


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## Retired

Have you tried contacting or visiting Southwestern Virginia Mental Health Institute located in Marion, Virginia?


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## SilverRaven

Steve said:


> Have you tried contacting or visiting Southwestern Virginia Mental Health Institute located in Marion, Virginia?


 

no I hadnt come across that one  yet...thanks for the info I will call them to


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## Retired

Here is another resource provided by the State of Virginia:

*Suicide Prevention Virginia.gov*


Specifically here is some contact information from Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC): Virginia State Page

Christina Benton
Suicide Prevention Manager
Virginia Department of Health
109 Governor Street 8th Floor 
Richmond, VA 23219
Tel: 804-864-7736
Email: christina.benton@vdh.virginia.gov


  Christy Letsom
Chair, Virginia Suicide Prevention Coalition
The Planning Council
130 W. Plume Street
Norfolk, VA 23510
Tel: 757-622-9268 Ext: 3041
Email: cletsom@theplanningcouncil.org


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## SilverRaven

Steve said:


> Here is another resource provided by the State of Virginia:
> 
> *Suicide Prevention Virginia.gov*
> 
> 
> Specifically here is some contact information from Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC): Virginia State Page
> 
> Christina Benton
> Suicide Prevention Manager
> Virginia Department of Health
> 109 Governor Street 8th Floor
> Richmond, VA 23219
> Tel: 804-864-7736
> Email: christina.benton@vdh.virginia.gov
> 
> 
> Christy Letsom
> Chair, Virginia Suicide Prevention Coalition
> The Planning Council
> 130 W. Plume Street
> Norfolk, VA 23510
> Tel: 757-622-9268 Ext: 3041
> Email: cletsom@theplanningcouncil.org


 

thanks alot for the information more resources to check on...sucks they are all in southern and south western virginia instead of where I am at..lol...hey I laughed...I am in Madison County so every thing I put in for my area seems to come up further south..but they might still be able to point me somewhere..thats why I am hoping UVA will be able to tell me they can offer me the sliding scale they are at least an hour away so I might be able to see if I can take the truck that far on my own...I dont like driving distances like that at higher speeds...hubby is just gonna have to part with MY truck so I can go if I get to..he can use the bosses truck for all I care...I am a worth while individual right?...so I should be able to stand up to him at least and get something I want ...if he loves me like he says...

you know last night all I did was go for a cup of coffee and my husband opened his big mouth in front of our son that I was in one of my moods and my son ended up cryinig himself to sleep because he didnt think I was  coming home...I felt so bad because he had to hear his dad say something like that...I couldnt sleep all night because of that...i sat in his room watching him sleep and cant help but think why I am feeling like I am when I do know he needs me...why cant i just think things through before my mind goes bezerk and I do things impulsively...I dont  want to hurt him he loves me so much and I love him with all my heart and I want to be the mother he so desperately needs....


So I am thankful for the people I have met here that have helped me out even when i am at my lowest ...


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## Cat Dancer

I am in Southwestern Virginia and there isn't much here either. I have to drive almost an hour to get to a therapist and doctor. It's sad and frustrating.


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## Retired

The reality of healthcare in North America today is that certain specialties tend to work in groups in order to pool and share their resources.  Therefore, when we are advocating for ourselves and taking charge of our own healthcare we have to be prepared to go to where the services we need are available.  

When I needed specialized surgery recently, I drove three hundred miles to the medical facility that provided the kind of care I needed and wanted.

So once you have located the services you need and want, you might need to figure out the best way to get yourself to that facility.


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## Cat Dancer

That is definitely true. I know in some counties they have rural transportation buses. That might be something to look into.


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## SilverRaven

Cat Dancer said:


> I am in Southwestern Virginia and there isn't much here either. I have to drive almost an hour to get to a therapist and doctor. It's sad and frustrating.


 

back home there is help in pretty much every town and city...but here its like nobody wants to deal with mental health.......very frustrating ....I talked to a woman who is in Marion and she didnt know of any help..but yet according to the site I looked at from below its in Marion so I dont get it.....not sure where that is but everything else is like 68 miles and farther...grrrrr...but I contacted the two places below and left messages so maybe I will here something today back from them...if I don't then I understand...


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## Yuray

Since you first posted this thread on Nov 8, there has been a lot of interaction, and disclosure on your part. It appears that your 'out of options' thinking is still being worked on, and answers trying to be found. Do you feel any better as a result of so many people trying to assist you, and has your mood changed a little for the better? (even a teeny weeny bit?)


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## SilverRaven

Yuray said:


> Since you first posted this thread on Nov 8, there has been a lot of interaction, and disclosure on your part. It appears that your 'out of options' thinking is still being worked on, and answers trying to be found. Do you feel any better as a result of so many people trying to assist you, and has your mood changed a little for the better? (even a teeny weeny bit?)


 

I feel a wee bit better ..and I dont..I appreciate all the help..I am trying to fiind something..and when I think I am starting to think positive ..someone knows just what to say to shatter those thoughts..and back down I go...and I dont know how to make him understand anymore....I keep looking at things on this site and others that I might be able to use to distract myself even for a little bit...I never knew that people could exist in far places that could care for someone else they didnt even know an would try to help...I ha ve a big trust issue and never know if someone is genuine or not anymore but seems this place is different


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## Retired

> I dont know how to make him understand anymore



As has been said before, your focus at this time should remain finding help to deal with your own mood, and to regain your strength and confidence.  Taking one thing at a time, once you are stronger and can see things more clearly you can then work on your relationship with family members.  Your priority must be to get help for yourself, and not to deal with relationship issues at this time.

You are doing well to make the contact calls, explaining your situation and working on finding help.  You are taking charge of your own healthcare, and hopefully your efforts will find a solution.


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## Retired

Silver Raven,

Here is the resource than can get you the help you need in Madison County:

Rappahannock-Rapidan, the local County service Board for Madiason County.  (540) 825-3100  I am told this office can find you the help you need either at no cost or on a sliding scale.

If you are in crisis and require immediate assistance, *the crisis number for Madison County is  (540) 948-5911*

If you require further information feel free to contact:

Christina Benton
Suicide Prevention Manager
Virginia Department of Health
109 Governor Street 8th Floor 
Richmond, VA 23219
Tel: 804-864-7736
Email: christina.benton@vdh.virginia.gov

who has been kind enough to provide me with the information on Madison County.

Please keep us informed on your progress.


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## SilverRaven

Steve said:


> You are taking charge of your own healthcare,


 

one of the problems with taking charge of my own healthcare is to get my husband to understand how important it is..if I cant get him to understand that I need his help finacialy if it comes to that I wont get the help I need...he is being a road block to...he said it last night I am the bread winner in this house and I pay for everything so if i dont think its a necessety it doesnt get paid for...so ok I am trying to take charge but when I have him interfering I have to find some way of getting through...so I am taking things one step at a time so to speak..first making the calls second getting him to pay for it


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## Yuray

> so I am taking things one step at a time so to speak..


The first step leads to the biggest obstacles. After that, stepping becomes less difficult, and more rewarding.:2thumbs:


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## SilverRaven

Yuray said:


> The first step leads to the biggest obstacles. After that, stepping becomes less difficult, and more rewarding.:2thumbs:


 well its that obstacle that is going to be a hard one to step around...I am still waiting to hear from these people but I am getting impatient..grrr..patience was never my fortay


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## SilverRaven

ok so I got a call today...I got an appointment.....FEBRUARY 15 TH.......ok now thats a long ways off.....so I overcame the first hurdle but now I am still in a rut.....my feelings are still strong and I have been staying busy....how do I keep going for three months?....my brain cant plan that far ahead...grrrrrrr...wish I was a dragon instead....mg::hide::bonk: that about sums up my emotions that are running in my head all at once


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## Retired

It is good to hear you now have an appointment.  In the meantime, you need to focus on your own peace of mind, and not let the frustrations of family members provoke your feelings of anxiety.

The only way to work toward your goal, which in this case is your appointment in February, is to break the time down into manageable parts.  In other words, your long term goal is made up of several short term goals, during which you will manage your feelings and work on containing your anxiety.  First short term goal is the end of November, second short term goal, December and so on.

The strategy is to take on day at a time and celebrate the successes you might enjoy, always understanding there might be little set backs during that time due to circumstances beyond your control, but the successes usually outnumber the setbacks.

The upcoming Holiday season might be stressful, but if you prepare for it by, perhaps shedding other non essential activities, you might be better equipped to deal with the Holidays.

By concentrating on getting through one day at a time, and by celebrating your successes, hopefully the time until your appointment will be less difficult.

Make use of the support systems at your disposal including Psychlinks where you can feel free to vent and seek support whenever you need it.

You have made progress since you first joined us!


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## Cat Dancer

That is awhile, but you can make it. Did you ask them to get in touch with you if they have a cancellation or something like that? So you could get in sooner?


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## SilverRaven

Cat Dancer said:


> That is awhile, but you can make it. Did you ask them to get in touch with you if they have a cancellation or something like that? So you could get in sooner?


 


yes I  did ask them..but because it is a community  service and so many are in need of help they said they would try but I would probably just have to wait until my appt...they said I could use crisis four times in the mean time...and they do know how I am feeling and all so I was honest with them about that...after all I tell it like it is ...

and I have never broken down anything in my life I have always done things as they come at me which is usually all at once...and my brain is always thinking of ahead instead of one day at a time so i guess i am going to have to  figure out how to do that...cause i am already thinking of the holidays...as I will not be there with my family again this year which will be two years in a row...and I have never been away from my family for holidays....last year was so miserable and so I was already thinking how its going to be again this  year...so you were already ahead when you said something about holidays....

I dont feel like I made any progress since I joined here other than making an appt...thats all i see  as making progress....but then again I am not in the right frame of mind to see anything right now but I guess you would know if I have or not....well thanks for the comment..


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## Retired

> I dont feel like I made any progress since I joined here other than making an appt



Not to trivialize the appointment, but it is movement forward from your situation the day you first posted this discussion.  On that day, you noted you were out of options and feeling suicidal and a week later you've made contact with an agency that can help, an appointment is made and you have succeeded in keeping youself safe for a week.

A jouney is a made up of a thousand steps, they say and although all your issues are not yet resolved, you have begun the journey with a few steps.

In my view, you've made progress.


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## SilverRaven

well this will be  my last post in this section for now i hope...I found something that I dont know why I got it but i did because i had liked it before so I bought one today...I bought a Jeff Dunham DVD today and I laughed so hard i had tears ...lol.....its the first time in a long time I actually laughed...lol...I still am....thanks people for not giving up on me ...an helping me make it this far....glad I am here....whoo hooo........yeeeee haaaaaa...yip yip..have a good night all...:2thumbs::lol::jiggy:


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## Cat Dancer

Laughter really is good medicine. I'm glad you found something that made you laugh.


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## Retired

> I laughed so hard i had tears ...lol.....



Thank you for sharing that wonderful experience....and that is what I would call _real progress_

:2thumbs:


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## Yuray

> well this will be my last post in this section for now i hope


Your posting in this thread has been a two way street. It has allowed you to find people who are aware of you and what you are up against, and it allows those who respond to feel good about themselves, that they have helped someone, somehow.


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## Robyn

I just wanted to say, hang in there okay.  I know how you feel right now because I am going through similar thoughts.  I remember as a teenager, I was very suicidal and I had a lot of trouble finding help too. Finally I found a psychiatrist that pulled me out of my deep and dark hole.  Unfortunately I feel like I'm back in that hole again.  My family also does not support me - they make things worse.  My mother has told me she loves me but doesn't like me.  She is now an alcoholic.  My Dad hates the fact that I'm overweight and can't seem to get past that.  He is very critical and judgmental - I know he loves me and doesn't mean to be like this, but he is.  I'm only now starting to realize at the age of 34 that I need to either end the relationship with my father or have it one-sided so that he can still be a part of my children's life (not telling him anything about my life).  I know it seems like there are a lot of people out there that don't care. But there are people that do care.  I care.  I can relate to your emotional pain.  I know how hard it is.  Please continue to hang in there.


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## SilverRaven

I read a book called Toxic Parent a little over a year ago..was  very informative..you could try reading that one and get some insight to what might be going on with your family like I did...my mother did not drink but she  could be very emotionaly abusive if she wanted to be and everything  was my fault or the fault of everyone else..nothing was ever hers..and we were suppose to make her happy ...so she would buy you things to seem like she was tryiing to please you but in the end it was always to please herself..if she could make you happy then she was happy for a time until the next time she blew up about something..my husband did that today in fact bought me somethiing to make me happy knowing we cant afford things right now but it made me smile somewhat because he cared but ...you know....it was only 10 dollars but that to me was 10 that could have been used for something else..I guess I think different than some...I just said thank you and left it at that...no need to say anything...I am trying to hang in there...I did get out of the house today and had a nice talk with the lady at the antique shop...was kind of strange talking to someone I didnt know becaue I am usuly not the type to talk to anyone...I have a social phobe...I  guess...but if you could hang in for the time you have you can most certainly do it again to...emotional pain is not something I could ever wish upon anyone...not even my most worst enemy....but I am hangiing in thanks for sharing a bit with me...it was thoughtful


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## BluMac81

This is just off the top of my head but, are there any universities near where you live?  I'm pretty sure that Psycologists in training, mental health nurses (or interns), and Psychiatrists in training there need a client to get experience hours with, and they'd be free, might look in to that.  Hang in there my friend, I've been there before, the best thing I can tell you now is that everything changes, it will all pass and someday you will look back on it and be glad you didn't do anything irrational, and you'll be a better person for having gone through what you are going through now.  No matter how much you believe it, thinking that your current sorrows will continue for the rest of your life is FALSE.  It can be surprising how fast your life perspective can change, until then, it's best not to fight your depression, but rather to let it pass.  

-Matt


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