# Co-Dependency



## CKYMargera00 (Mar 12, 2008)

Is co-dependent considered a mental health issue?? 


I was just wondering.

Thanks!!
<3Nicky


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 12, 2008)

I hate the term codependency, personally. I think too often it's used to describe the efforts of caring people to help a loved one who doesn't want to be helped. The net effect is to pathologize the behavior of the person attempting to help, when the reality is that it is the behavior of the one who needs that help but rejects or manipulates it that is pathological.


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## ladylore (Mar 12, 2008)

David Baxter said:


> I hate the term codependency, personally. I think too often it's used to describe the efforts of caring people to help a loved one who doesn't want to be helped. The net effect is to pathologize the behavior of the person attempting to help, when the reality is that it is the behavior of the one who needs that help but rejects or manipulates it that is pathological.



I've never thought of it that way before. And :agree:


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## CKYMargera00 (Mar 12, 2008)

Thank you!! That makes me feel so much better!!!


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## ShyLady (Mar 17, 2008)

David Baxter said:


> I hate the term codependency, personally. I think too often it's used to describe the efforts of caring people to help a loved one who doesn't want to be helped. The net effect is to pathologize the behavior of the person attempting to help, when the reality is that it is the behavior of the one who needs that help but rejects or manipulates it that is pathological.





I agree to. Sometimes, though, its used for people who are unable to leave a relationship because they are afraid of being alone. Isn't that another way of calling someone co-dependant? This is what I've always believed, was I right or did I mistake it all somehow? I'm not really sure, cause I did just pick up the idea on my own.


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 17, 2008)

No, you're not wrong. See the pedia article on [[wiki]]codependency[/[wiki]].

But the term, in my opinion, is overused and often inappropriately used, as I said above.[/wiki][/wiki]


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## lallieth (Mar 17, 2008)

If you are trying to help someone but are also enabling the other person with their addiction etc..does that make you co-dependent?


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 17, 2008)

Possibly but not necessarily.

Think of this scenario: One of your children is overusing/abusing alcohol or pot. You are trying to be supportive in assisting your child/teen/young adult in getting better control over that issue. Are you enabling if you don't give that child an ultimatum and kick him/her out of the house if s/he doesn't comply more-or-less immediately? There are some who would answer "Yes" to this question on the grounds that anything other than zero tolerance is enabling. I don't agree.


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## ladylore (Mar 17, 2008)

Around addiction its more about setting boundaries. For example not lending money or the car at such and such a time....


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## lallieth (Mar 17, 2008)

Oh I see,thank you..


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