# Letting go



## Ashley-Kate (Jun 4, 2006)

today i was in my room cleaning and while i was packing some things i am not going to use anymore well i found some clothes that i still wear and in my head the only thing i thought was that well i may as well just put it in the bag as well it is not like i need to look good anymore for anyone i have no life so who cares... i am really tired of this whole thing my life has no point anymore..

i don't know how to switch my brain to happy but it would be a good time soon 

yours truly
ashley


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## Mia713 (Jun 4, 2006)

*Re: letting go*

Hi Ashley,
I know how your feeling about not really having a life. The best advice I can give you is to just look for things in your life that you enjoy. The simple pleasures in life make it all worthwhile. I hope you can find something that brings you happiness. What I think of when I am feeling hopeless is that I am young and this will pass eventually. I hope things start to look up for you soon.

Mia


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 4, 2006)

Not that I mean this is the only way to be happy, Ashley, but I thought you had a boyfriend? Am I confused about that?


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## Ashley-Kate (Jun 5, 2006)

yeah the thing about the boyfriend is that he lives in montreal and i live about three hours away i met him while i was in the hostpial cause i was residing in montreal then .. and well as we don't see each other very often things are not great and i have not heard any news form him in like 2 weeks 
ashley


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 5, 2006)

Do you think that's part of why you're having a harder time lately?


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## Ashley-Kate (Jun 6, 2006)

to say honestly i really don't think so cause well i felt free a bit without him badgering me with the hole ashley eat and stuff!.. i just have all the exams at school.. all the people having the lovely life without any cares in the worlds and here i am with my stupid fears were all i can think of is how my life will never be perfect ..
ashley


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## Halo (Jun 6, 2006)

I can relate to the last part of your sentence Ashley 



			
				Ashley-Kate  said:
			
		

> all the people having the lovely life without any cares in the worlds and here i am with my stupid fears were all i can think o fis how my life will never be perfect ..ashley



I too have angry towards those people and towards myself because I don't feel like I belong anywhere. But then sometimes I look at myself and think that I would much rather be me than them because most of them don't have the insight and knowledge of their feelings. Sometimes that is the only thought that gets me out of my head with feeling angry.

All I can say is hang on to whomever and whatever is going to keep you safe and remember that we are here for you anytime.

Take Care
Nancy


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 6, 2006)

Nobody's life is perfect, believe me - some just hide it from other people better than others.

All any of us can ever do is make the best of the cards we're dealt. We can't control the deal.


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## ThatLady (Jun 6, 2006)

David has said exactly what I was going to say. Just because it appears that "all those people" are living happy, carefree lives doesn't mean it's true. Some people are just better at hiding the rough parts than others. Doesn't mean they don't have rough parts. They just don't let them show. That's not always a good thing, as many don't get the help they need because they won't admit they need the help.


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## Ashley-Kate (Jun 6, 2006)

i ti sjust so frustrating seeing everybody my age living normally being able to do things that people normally do but that i am tooo scared to do i can't even seem to be normal everything i do to others is in some way off not right or just plane stupid i am just tiered of feeling so expelled from the normal world.. i don't even feel real anymore cause i have done such efforts to act like everyone else to smile at there jokes to drule over the foods that girls my age eat without woundering the calories that are in it why do i feel so lost and alone i just want to escape but i find there is no exit ..
yours trully
ashley


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## Halo (Jun 6, 2006)

David Baxter  said:
			
		

> Nobody's life is perfect, believe me - some just hide it from other people better than others.



I thought about this sentence that you wrote and the first thing that came to my mind was, well then I want to be one of those people that hides it well. I am sick and tired of everyone around me seeing the many, many ups and downs (more downs) that I have and I wish that I could just hold it in and hide it from the world. I know that realistically this doesn't work for me as it just sends me further down and also, I can't seem to control it. One minute or hour I am up and giddy and the next I am down. That or I am down for days and nothing seems to lift it. It is like when I am with others my mind is off somewhere else when they are talking about things that I just don't think matter to me. To be honest most times it is trivial stuff that they are talking about and I think it is a waste of time.

For instance the other day a girl at work was having a problem with the hem on her pants. She was getting frustrated and said I always have this problem with all my pants, boy do I have a lot of problems. I almost jumped out of my skin to say something like....if those were all the problems that I had I would be heaven. Wanna switch lives? 

Anyway, that is why I wish that I could just hide my feelings and thoughts more.

Nancy


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## ThatLady (Jun 6, 2006)

The difference is that those who hide their troubles so well, many times, are suffering horribly on the inside. Furthermore, because they've become accustomed to stuffing their feelings, they often never get help. Without help, they're destined to lead miserable lives while keeping a false front up. That's a lot of work, I'd think, and sooner or later the house of cards will fall.


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## Holly (Jun 6, 2006)

David Baxter  said:
			
		

> Nobody's life is perfect, believe me - some just hide it from other people better than others.
> 
> All any of us can ever do is make the best of the cards we're dealt. We can't control the deal.


Hi Ashley-Kate,
What Doc is saying is very true, I know you may feel life is like that, believe me it is not. Hiding is a way to not deal with pain, I tried to hide, I told you before it does not work! 
Take care Ashley, I hope you will not hide, your have the support of Dr. Baxter and many others here in the forum.
Hang in there Ashley-Kate
Thinking of you Holly


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## foghlaim (Jun 6, 2006)

> The difference is that those who hide their troubles so well, many times, are suffering horribly on the inside. Furthermore, because they've become accustomed to stuffing their feelings, they often never get help. Without help, they're destined to lead miserable lives while keeping a false front up. That's a lot of work, I'd think, and sooner or later the house of cards will fall.



TL: every word you have said here is so true, i think i said this else where on another thread, but i was one of those who never showed or acknowledged that i had any problems, prefering to keep things, everything to myself, and being miserable inside and yes the house of cards did come down, crashing down being a more apt description.

To Nancy and Ashley K: don't hide what is happening cause the consequences are devastating, i should know. just be the real ppl that ye are ok.


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## Diana (Jun 7, 2006)

Hey Ashley, I don't know anyone who has a perfect life. Some people are more happy than some others and I wish them their happiness. Some people don't _need_ therapy to go on, or might not need it as much as others. Some people do, but it doesn't make them any less of a person. Those girls you described drooling over certain types of food - Ashley I totally understand that. I still live with that. But, that only means that those people don't have problems with eating disorders. Just like there are certain ways in which you are _normal_ and don't have problems with.
The point is, you acknowledge _your_ problems and are aware that they exist. Now, it's just a matter of dealing with them, which is by no means easy. I know from the entire time I've been posting here that you have a desire to help yourself get better. That desire is REAL. It doesn't come from nothing and you do matter. Hang in there ok?


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## Ashley-Kate (Jun 9, 2006)

hey there i just wanted to tell you all that next week i am calling my NEW PSYCHOLOGIST to make my first appointment i never saw her before in my life and i am really nervous but finally things are getting into place i am really happy i get to finally see someone but i am nervous for the first appointment ...:S
ashley


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 9, 2006)

Ashely, that is EXCELLENT!!! :yahoo:

Well done, girl!!


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## Holly (Jun 9, 2006)

Hi Ashley-Kate,
Good for you, I am so proud of you Ashley-Kate,
All the best always 
Your be in my thoughts


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## just mary (Jun 9, 2006)

Good stuff Ashley-Kate!! :goodjob: . 

And you'll be okay, just remember she's there for you and she wants to do whatever she can to help.

Thanks for letting us know. 

Keep us posted too!


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## ThatLady (Jun 10, 2006)

Good for you, Ashley! :yahoo:

Remember, everybody is nervous for that first appointment. It's not just you.


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## foghlaim (Jun 10, 2006)

hope your apt goes well for you.. 

nsa.


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## Halo (Jun 12, 2006)

Congrats Ashley on taking such a huge step in the right direction. Good luck with your appt. and I hope that you keep us updated.

Nancy


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