# Brick wall



## forgetmenot (Mar 21, 2012)

How many times does one have to hit a brick wall before realizing  the dam wall will win everytime


----------



## Andy (Mar 21, 2012)

I tend to disagree with this statement Eclipse. You are still here and fighting, it would seem that wall is nothing more than a small obstacle that may be annoying and keep popping up but you can get over it. Hang in there...


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Mar 21, 2012)

Eclipse said:


> How many times does one have to hit a brick wall before realizing  the dam wall will win everytime



Generally about 3 to 6 times, but if you knock yourself out that doesn't count because you won't remember those ones.


----------



## H011yHawkJ311yBean (Mar 21, 2012)

Sounds like you have bad aim.  Gotta stop trying to hit the brick walls and try to navigate around them or look for a door or climb over them with a ladder or something.   Just because a bull's eye is painted on the wall, doesn't mean you have to aim your head at it....  8P


----------



## forgetmenot (Mar 21, 2012)

Sorry  ya  in a way it is good some of the times i have hit it so hard  i just blank it all out 
    So  the wall will stay  and somehow  i will have to find another path   one not so painful perhaps 
  I was asked to try again  after this past week  i had yet again given up
  i stopped trying   i stopped everything  in hope somehow i would find  a different way perhaps out of this pain   
  I can't  or do i say i won't  put me in a position of judgment ever again i won't
i need somehowto stop hitting this brick wall I need to find a way out of all this but i guess giving up is not the way not yet.
It just gets to the point of why try again and again when your efforts bring you back to where you started.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Mar 21, 2012)

Eclipse said:


> i need somehowto stop hitting this brick wall I need to find a way out of all this but i guess giving up is not the way not yet. It just gets to the point of why try again and again when your efforts bring you back to where you started.



That's when you take a night off to stoip thinking about it and get up the next day and say, "Okay! let's try that again - a different way".


----------



## H011yHawkJ311yBean (Mar 21, 2012)

Some ideas...

Sometimes I tend to look at something and I think things are waaay too complicated, even more so than they really are...  Would it help to ask yourself something like "What would Obi Wan (or someone you really admire or look up to) do in this situation?" ... Or "Do I need to use less force and use more persuasion?"   ... Or "Who or what do I need to do to get this looked after?  Can I call a friend?  Do I make a phone call?  Do I poll the audience?"  ... "If I looked at this thing from above, or from underneath, or on the far end instead of the near end, would I find a solution instead of looking at it head-on?"  

Is it really giving up?  Aren't you just taking a breath and relaxing and gathering strength for the next attempt?  Can you meditate on it, listening to soft music, drinking chamomile tea, soaking in a hot bubble bath, or doodling or brainstorming on a piece of paper... Think about it, but in a relaxing manner...   Can you imagine this issue as a concrete object that you can use visualiation to imagine your issue dissolving, and getting smaller and smaller, until it's just a little bit of fluff you can suck up with the vacuum cleaner...  As it shrinks and dissolves and gets more pliable and crumbly, you could visualize that it would be easier to run into it and break through it.

Does it really matter how hard the obstacle is, or how many times you run into it?  Or is it more important that you keep looking for a way to get around it or over it or under it...  Sometimes obstacles in the mind are a lot harder to grapple with than things in the physical world. Maybe you're doing a great job, but just being too hard on yourself.  Stuff that's worn a good deep rut in the mind is reeeeally challenging to fill in and try to train the mind to take a different route.  You could even use visualization, you see the path you don't want to take anymore (because the brick wall is there and you still feel the goose egg on your skull from last time) and you climb out of that rut and get out your machete and whack away at a new trail you want to blaze.  It'll be tough going, but you'll make progress, even though it might be slower than your original path.

But it's sometimes beneficial to go slowly through the rough then to keep going in that rut that leads to the same destination....  Sometimes you might find that you were making good progress and suddenly you hack away some branches and there's that damn brick wall again...  So just keep hacking away at that jungle out there, because by golly there's got to be a way around that stubborn thing...


----------



## forgetmenot (Mar 21, 2012)

Yes now if i could just get my brain to stop thinking  lol  that in itself would be a feat.
 Itook  the medication one to calm me and one for my pain 
   I start yet again tomorrow
  i will keep my mind busy so i don't think i just react
   Tonight i hope with both meds taken i will get some sleep
If i could i would truly chose to leave i would 
 One should be able to say enough is enough
   I would like to leave  being someone not that noone  but I know i can't go  not when there are other lives that will be affected by my choice  
I see no way around this wall of  pain right now
   Stopping my meds i hoped it would just take all the dam clarity all the dam logic away   i know stupid clouded thinking    
Meds taken as i need to be able to be stable to be of any good to anyone  but some day  i pray  my day will come  when i will not have to fight anymore  i will be able to just have peace  sorry rambling  i know what i want but i can't have it  not yet.


----------



## H011yHawkJ311yBean (Mar 21, 2012)

It's okay.  I still need my meds to keep my mind from swirling around at light speed in a billion directions at once, too.  8P

Good for you goin' back on the meds.  Watch out for those cold turkeys, they come back to bite you in the butt...  Normally you need to wean yourself off gradually.  Otherwise it's like jumping from a hot sauna into a polar swim...  8P  Now that's cold turkey!


----------



## forgetmenot (Mar 22, 2012)

Day one is over  soon  day 2 will come soon enough  taking the medication yet again


----------



## forgetmenot (Apr 1, 2012)

up all night   i hate night time waiting  4am finally a call tired but i can't sleep  maybe one day


----------



## Retired (Apr 1, 2012)

Are you trying different approaches each day to find a stategy that might work for you?


----------



## forgetmenot (Apr 1, 2012)

i keep me busy all day  i don't have time to  let my mind wonder  

 I am sure i could be doing more for me  but right now there is too much going on so i am kept busy all day  then night comes and things happen and my mind won't shut down .

  I just can't seem to do what it takes to keep me stable.    My mind fights me every step of the way.  It fights me  i wish it didn't but it does.


----------



## Retired (Apr 1, 2012)

> I just can't seem to do what it takes to keep me stable.



Are you taking medications that can help relieve the anxiety and settle the racing thoughts?  Can you arrange to see your doctor or therapist who might be able to help?


----------



## forgetmenot (Apr 1, 2012)

yes i a m to take med every night 

 some night i can do that other nights i can't  i just cant  dam  

 i see my therapist in two days.  I am afraid you know so much going  on

  i am afraid of losing more people of watching them suffer  oh  it is so unfair  this life  it  really is  

  i wish it was me who was ill and not her  i wish it was me not her  she is a fighter she has come so far  she is the true fighter  dam it 

 never mind sorry   my therapist will help me i hope  take away some of these fears  ones i don't want to even look at


----------



## Retired (Apr 1, 2012)

> i am afraid of losing more people of watching them suffer



It's always sad and painful to see a loved one suffer.  The best we can do is give them the love and support they need, while reaching out oouserlves to our own support system to get the support we need during these difficult times.

Continue taking your medications as you have been doing and be sure to explain all these struggles you are having to your therapist in two days.


----------



## forgetmenot (Apr 2, 2012)

took meds last night two of them now i all iwant to do is sleep  so tired  but if i don't take them i am so anxious  hard to know what is best really


----------



## Retired (Apr 2, 2012)

> took meds last night two of them now i all iwant to do is sleep



Maybe that's a good thing, to allow yourself to sleep and catch up on any lost sleep and might even relieve some of the anxiety you feel.



> if i don't take them i am so anxious



Comparing the two alternatives, perhaps allowing yourself to sleep is the better choice.


----------



## forgetmenot (May 25, 2012)

It is me that keeps that wall up so high
It is me my mind just refuses to try
to step outside this comfort zone i am in
god what will it take until i realize
that if i want this to end i need to listen
i need to follow through with what t ask me
can i help it if my mind is programed to not be like them
to not take meds  to not be judged 
this mind of mine is the worst enemy i ever had
i just can do it  i can't so it is my own doing then i am stuck here
i have noone to blame but me  
It is ok i will take care of me somehow i will


----------



## forgetmenot (Jun 10, 2012)

Trying so hard to break through


----------

