# The Pros and Cons of Social Comparison



## David Baxter PhD (Aug 24, 2018)

*The Serve and Limit of Social Comparison*
Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors (AIPC), _Counselling Connection_
August 24, 2018

Maggie, a counsellor, saw a client in the morning who related how his  doctor had just given him a diagnosis of cancer, necessitating cutting  out some cancerous tissue. Her client, Arnold, was dismayed about the  diagnosis. “But at least,” he confided to Maggie, “I don’t have to have  that horrible colostomy bag like some people do.”

 Later in the day, Maggie saw her client Joy, whom she was treating  for depression. “It’s just awful!” exclaimed Joy. “I look on Facebook,  Pinterest, and Instagram, and everyone’s doing so much more interesting  things than I am. They’re taking fabulous holidays, their kids are  getting amazing awards at school, and everyone seems so happy and  vibrant. I see that my life is just pathetic!”

 Although it didn’t dawn on Maggie until later in the day when she was  writing up her notes, both her clients had exhibited the same  phenomenon of social comparison. It is a well-established topic in  psychological literature, and many are the debates about whether it is  helpful to engage or not. The purpose of this post is to clarify some of  the issues around it, examining how it may serve and limit us. We  briefly discuss strategies the therapist can engage to help a client  caught in the clutches of this pervasive social phenomenon.

*What is social comparison theory?*
 We can define social comparison theory as the notion that “we  determine our own social and personal worth based on how we stack up  against others. As a result, we are constantly making self and other  evaluations across a variety of domains” (for example, attractiveness,  wealth, intelligence, or success) (Better Help, n.d.).

*Downward and upward*
 We can compare ourselves to less fortunate others, as Maggie’s client Arnold did, in an act of _downward social comparison_,  or we can compare ourselves with others who are seemingly better, more  fortunate, more intelligent (or whatever) than we are, as client Joy  did. The latter constitutes _upward social comparison_ (Curwen,  2016). Few among us have never engaged in such comparisons, but why do  we do it? What goals is the comparer hoping to achieve through the  comparison?

*How social comparison might serve us . . .*
 Evaluating ourselves against our social environment has been called  an “unavoidable human trait”: unavoidable, perhaps, because through it  we meet the need of gaining information about our current situation  (Curwen, 2016). It is self-evaluation when we use social comparison to  gain a better sense of ourselves and where we are in our lives. In this  case we tend to compare ourselves to someone who is similar in at least  one major aspect, such as age, sex, occupation, or appearance. By  choosing a similar other for comparison, we can increase the accuracy of  the self-evaluation (Better Help, n.d.).

 Psychological self-enhancement is often cited as another goal of  social comparison. In this, we are going for a self-confidence boost.  The problem is that it is quite often a poor assessment, as we  inaccurately analyse others, and our comparison to them, in order to  make ourselves feel better. Unlike when our goal is self-evaluation, in  self-enhancement, we don’t necessarily seek out similar others for  comparison. Moreover, if we believe that the compared other outshines us  on the dimension of comparison, the tendency is to dismiss the  assessment entirely rather than admit that the other person is superior  (Better Help, n.d.). Nevertheless, the “serve” of downward social  comparison can be a boost in self-esteem, albeit a temporary one (we  return to this point in a moment).

 More frequent use of downward than upward social comparison with  similar others has also commonly been used as a coping strategy for  preserving self-esteem when confronting wide-ranging life situations  which challenge us, including experiences of physical decline,  rheumatoid arthritis, AIDS, occupational burnout, eating disorders,  unemployment, and intellectual disabilities (Open Textbook, 2016).

 Finally, upward social comparison can be harnessed for good because  it provides information that can help us do better, by helping us to  imagine ourselves as part of the group of successful people that we want  to be like; it can give us hope. Moreover, when we realise that others  are already engaging in particular prosocial behaviours, an upward  social comparison is triggered, and we often follow suit. This has been  shown in such diverse contexts as energy-saving practices with factory  workers and hotel guests (Open Textbook, 2016).

*. . . and limit us*
 Logically, if we are made to feel better by comparing ourselves to  less fortunate others, we may tend to feel more depressed when we make  upward social comparisons. Indeed, a study by Feinstein and colleagues  (2013, in Open Textbooks, 2016) found just that. The researchers  hypothesised that a tendency to make upward social comparisons on  Facebook would predict increased symptoms of depression over a  three-week period. Results showed that making more upward comparisons  predicted increased rumination, which in turn was linked to increased  depressive symptoms.

 Beyond that, social comparisons can have a significant effect on our  feelings, on our attempts to improve, and even on whether we are willing  to continue performing an activity. Positive comparisons give us the  sense that we are meeting goals and living up to expectations set by  both ourselves and other parties; so we feel good about ourselves, enjoy  the activity, and tend to work harder at it. But when we have a sense  that we compare negatively with others, we experience the limit side of  comparison in that we are more likely to feel poorly about ourselves,  enjoy the activity less, and we may even stop performing the activity  altogether (Open Textbook, 2016).

 Downward social comparison has been found to have a relationship with  the negative emotional states of burnout and emotional exhaustion. This  occurs because of the short-term nature of the boost we get (Curwen,  2016): a short-term ego-boost followed by a longer-term sense of  burnout.

*It’s not simple*
 The discussion so far would have us believe that, if we want to _feel b_etter (temporarily at least) we should compare ourselves to those worse off, and if we want to _do_  better (and our ego can take it), we should compare ourselves to those  who are superior in some way. The truth is more complex. Rather than the  act of making a social comparison being the independent variable which  affects the dependent variable of how we feel about ourselves, research  now tells us that it is the other way around. That is, unhappy people –  not happy ones – make the most spontaneous frequent social comparisons  (Lyubomirsky & Ross, 1997). In one study, both happy and sad people  had the opportunity to compare themselves to a better or worse peer.  True to the oversimplified sense, unhappy people felt worse when paired  with a better “performer” (a confederate of the researchers) and better  when paired with a worse performer. Happy people, meanwhile, had less  emotional vulnerability to the available social comparison information;  they simply did not pay as much attention to how well others were doing.  Other researchers had similar findings: Giordano, Wood and Michela  (2000) found that unhappy people make more frequent social comparisons,  and Swallow & Kuiper (1992) found that mildly depressed people make  more frequent social comparisons. The tendency to seek social comparison  information is correlated with low self-esteem, depression, and  neuroticism (Gibbons & Buunk, 1999).

*Social comparisons to reduce uncertainty*
 These studies imply that people make social comparisons when they  need both to reduce uncertainty about their abilities and other socially  defined attributes, and when they need to rely on an external standard  against which to judge themselves. Thus, those who are uncertain of  their self-worth, who do not have clear, internal standards, will engage  in more frequent social comparisons. Unfortunately, research has shown  that this very drive to evaluate ourselves is what is problematic, in  that it tends to set up a cycle of objective self-awareness, which leads  to more frequent comparisons. If we add in the effects of self-focused  attention and negative affect, this very drive can send us swiftly down  the road to chronic unhappiness. While the comparisons can reduce  uncertainty and positively impact wellbeing, this result is short-lived,  as we mentioned. The larger consequence of making social comparisons is  that they act as reinforcement, leading the individual to make more  frequent comparisons, which leads to the person being dependent on them,  and on meeting external standards to renew a sense of wellbeing: a sad  cycle which ties social comparisons to ever-diminishing wellbeing  (White, Langer, Yariv, and Welch, 2006).

*How to help the socially comparing client*
 So what do we do to help clients escape the unhappiness-engendering  cycle of social comparison and decreasing wellbeing? Let’s get a  perspective on how it arises. First, the negative feelings from  unfavourably comparing ourselves need to be acknowledged as arising from  a deficit framework: a sense of scarcity that says that if someone else  has more, then I will have less, because there is never enough to go  around: not enough talent, enough awards, enough money, enough good  looks, etc. Second, we need to be clear with clients that they aren’t  comparing apples with apples most of the time. That is, the tendency is  to be comparing someone else’s life _as seen from the outside_ with their own lives _as known from the inside_.  As most of us who delve into social media have experienced, the  stunning photos and happy declarations that appear on someone’s page are  carefully curated; they do not generally reflect the person’s total  reality, as people tend to want to project the best image possible of  themselves and camouflage those aspects that are less happy or  “successful”. When we know people more closely, we also know their  challenges, frustrations, and dark secrets – despite how beautiful and  perfect their lives look when viewed externally. Here are some  strategies to assist the socially comparing client.

*Strategies*

*Remind the client: it isn’t real*. If the angst follows on from involvement with social media, the  client can be encouraged to remember the above caveat: not to compare  the visible, exterior life of another with the intimate knowing of their  own life. If following that proves too difficult, you may suggest to  the client that taking a break from social media would help them plug  back into the genuine interactions of their life (Scott, 2016). Along  these lines, it may be worth exploring how many supports the person has  in their network: that is, real people who can be counted on for  emotional or other support when it is needed. Greater social media  involvement is often associated with fewer and less sustaining  friendships. These strategies fit well with a CBT approach, or any  approach that encourages clients to reframe. Another point here is that,  even objectively comparing two individuals’ sets of achievements is not  helpful; there will always be someone better at a given  activity/sport/endeavour.

*Use awareness and mindfulness to notice the thoughts – and what’s missing*. Some people are not aware when they are comparing. If your client  falls into this category, help them bring consciousness to such  thoughts. Clients can be invited to sit with the comparisons for a  moment, engaging them if they are helpful, and letting them quietly waft  away if they are not. Clients can thank their mind for the contribution  and decide if, perhaps, their tendency to compare in some way is  signalling an unmet need along some dimension (Moore, 2014). If so, the  client can bring fresh awareness of the need back to session, where you  can process how they can gain more of the attribute. A woman feeling  like other women are more glamourous or good-looking, for example, could  need to give herself more “me” time/resource for  pampering/self-appreciation.

*Practice gratitude and a focus on strengths*. If social comparison arises from a sense of lack, then gratitude –  focusing on that which we have and counting our blessings and strengths –  is the antidote. Positive psychology has many exercises to help people  do both, as do other modalities. Sometimes, even just writing down, say,  three things we are grateful for in a day, and/or three strengths which  we were able to use in a given day, is a powerful reminder to be  present with our own lives, which are enriched with a focus on the  positive (Zen Habits, n.d.).

*Don’t engage the Tall Poppy Syndrome*. Does the client have a tendency to make herself feel better by  criticising others? Again, this habit, springing from perceived lack,  boomerangs to hurt the criticiser. Remind clients that supporting others  in their success attracts more success to us. Beyond that, no one is  perfect; the more we can learn to live with imperfection – in ourselves  and others – the more we can recognise the perfection of the  imperfection: it makes us who we uniquely are (Zen Habits, n.d.).

*Summary*
 Ultimately, life is a journey, not a destination, and if we wish to  enjoy the trip, we are probably better off to forgo the relief gained  from a downward social comparison that briefly allows us think we are  superior. It is better, as we have seen from the included research, to  humbly focus on our own lives with gratefulness and an acknowledgement  that life on Planet Earth isn’t about always having more, or having  perfection. What we have (in the western developed world, anyway) is  generally enough. What we _are _is enough. Remind your clients of Roosevelt’s wise saying that “Comparison is the thief of joy” (Battles, 2018).

*References*


Battles, R. (2018). Comparison is the thief of joy. _Ryanbattles.com_. Retrieved on 30 July, 2018, from: Hyperlink. 
Better Help. (n.d.). Social comparison theory means we determine our worth based on others. _Betterhelp.com_. Retrieved on 24 July, 2018, from: Hyperlink. 
Curwen, J. (2016). Social comparison: An unavoidable upward or downward spiral. _Positive Psychology Program_. Retrieved on 24 July, 2018, from: Hyperlink. 
Gibbons, F.X., & Buunk, B.P. (1999). Individual differences in  social comparison: Development of a scale of social comparison  orientation. _Journal of Personality and Social Psychology_, 76, 129-142. 
Giordano, C., Wood, J.V., & Michela, J.L. (2000). Depressive  personality styles, dysphoria, and social comparisons in everyday life. _Journal of Personality and Social Psychology_, 79, 438-451. 
Lyubomirsky, S., & Ross, L. (1997). Hedonic consequences of social comparison: A contrast of happy and unhappy people. _Journal of Personality and Social Psychology_, 73, 1141-1157. 
Moore, S. (2014). How to overcome social comparison. Huffington Post. Retrieved on 24, July, 2018, from: Hyperlink. 
Open Textbooks for Hong Kong. (2016). Upward and downward comparisons influence our self-esteem. _Opentextbooks.org_. Retrieved on 24 July, 2018, from: Hyperlink. 
Scott, E. (2016). Give yourself a break from stressful social comparisons! _Very Well Mind_. Retrieved on 24 July, 2018, from: Hyperlink. 
Swallow, S.R., & Kuiper, N.A. (1992). Mild depression and frequency of social comparison behavior. _Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology_, 11, 167-180. 
White, J.B., Langer, E.J., Leeat, Yariv, & Welch, J.C. (2006).  Frequent social comparisons and destructive emotions and behaviors: The  dark side of social comparisons. _Journal of Adult Development_, 33(1), 36-44. 
Zen Habits. (n.d.). Life’s enough: Stop comparing yourself to others. Zen Habits. Retrieved on 24 July, 2018, from: Hyperlink.


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## Daniel (Jun 19, 2020)

Why No One Feels Rich: The Psychology Of Inequality


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