# I really need help before I do it!



## hidden_cry (Sep 10, 2005)

When i was 7 years old i was raped and abused by my cousin and a few of my moms boyfriends, it finally stop when i was 12. i started going out with guys when i was 14, thats when everying got bad i was and still iam sceared to death of men, every guy i seen i thought would do the same thing to me. then my mom kicked me out of her house so now i live with my dad who never talks to me, my grandmother who is sick and my grandfather. i go to school im pretty populary, every likes me, but no one knows what i hinding like my wrist all my attemts to kill myself. I stop when one of my good friends killed her self at our school i seen how much pain she caused everyone and i didn't want to do that to my friends. Then everything went bad again my friends started getting upset for no reason the guy i loved cheated on me with my best friend, my mom told me she hated me. And i started remembering being raped.....and it won't get out of my head. im sceared of even my closest guy friends so i started cut myself again and i think i need help......please someone anyne help me????

Ashley


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## healthbound (Sep 11, 2005)

Hey Ashley.

I can relate to much of your experiences.  I can relate to your past, I can relate to wanting to commit suicide, and I can relate to experiencing how much pain is left behind when someone does kill themselves (I lost my sister to suicide).  You are not alone.

I too am "popular" and hide my pain and anxieties well.  However, being this way caused me a lot of problems when I needed to reach out for help.  That's why I'm grateful for these forums.

In addition to using these forums, I see a therapist and a psychiatrist.  Have you thought about checking that route out?


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 11, 2005)

See the resources listed on these pages, Ashley:

http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/help.htm 

http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/suicide.htm 

There are also crisis lines listed in the Yellow Pages for most communities.

I may be able to give you more specific information if you can send me a Private Message with your approximate location in Ontario. One place might be your family doctor or school counselor -- if you are a member of a church, the minister or priest is another person who you might approach in confidence.


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## Ashley-Kate (Sep 11, 2005)

hello ashley, 
  I am not going to tell you i understand but i will say that i have been threw somewhat of the same situations as you have and well i won't lie today i am not too well myself but i find that being able to talk to someone like a psychiatrist  because it feels good to be listened to and once you get it out tell a person that you trust it will most likely help you because you won't have to live with it inside of u you have no reason to feel that yuo need to hide away in that because it is not your fault they had no right to do what they did and now what you need i belive is help just to talk to someone tell them how you feel just a suggestion .. i started with the school psychologist and she was very kind and did not judge me ..
 tink of it 
hope you feel better .. remember that you are not alone .. if you ever need someone to tlk to  post me 
ashley-kate


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