# Past relationship haunting me



## Lockedaway (Jun 15, 2005)

Well, this is my first post here, I signed up for the forum a while ago but am just now posting about this problem.  I'm 22 years old, maybe older than most people here, but still a young adult.  Now onto the issue at hand...

I've struggled with depression all of my life and always thought it was normal.  In my senior year of high school I met the greatest girl I ever knew, but she was my best friends little sister.  During a camping trip right after high school graduation, my friend's sister and I hooked up.  After the trip was over I spoke with my friend about it and he said that he would rather her be dating me than anybody else in the world.  So, as a result, his sister and I started dating.  We dated for the entire summer and spent everyday together and everything was great.  Then, the end of August came and it was time for me to go away for college (about an hour from home).  We stayed together, but I always blamed myself for leaving her behind.  I came home for the weekends to spend time with her but I guess it wasn't enough.  On November 29 of that year (2001), we talked on the phone after my last class and she broke up with me.  I was devastated.  I began to see a psychologist in January and saw him once a week until August 2002.  He put me on depression medication but since I was too busy with school, I stopped seeing him.  Then, the day after christmas (2002) Gwen (the girl) and her friend came by my parents place looking for me and I answered the door.  Basically, we started dating again for 2 weeks and she broke up with me again right before I left to go back to school.  I haven't really spoke to her since then.  Well, now it is 2005, I just graduated college on May 7th and have my own place here in my home town.  In April of this year I stopped taking my depression medication.  Gwen has a boyfriend, I think they have been going out for over a year.  I drive by her a lot and sometimes I drive by her when she is with her boyfriend.  I act like I don't notice her but really I notice her very much.  I still get that sick to the stomach feeling whenever I see her.  It seems that since I'm home now, all of my feelings for her are resurfacing and I am sick of feeling this way.  I can't take it anymore and don't know what to do, it's killing me inside.

I'm a good looking, intelligent, and well rounded person; so I can get other girls, but she seems to always be the only one on my mind.

What can I do?

-Van


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## Lockedaway (Jun 15, 2005)

Well, this is my first post here, I signed up for the forum a while ago but am just now posting about this problem.  I'm 22 years old, maybe older than most people here, but still a young adult.  Now onto the issue at hand...

I've struggled with depression all of my life and always thought it was normal.  In my senior year of high school I met the greatest girl I ever knew, but she was my best friends little sister.  During a camping trip right after high school graduation, my friend's sister and I hooked up.  After the trip was over I spoke with my friend about it and he said that he would rather her be dating me than anybody else in the world.  So, as a result, his sister and I started dating.  We dated for the entire summer and spent everyday together and everything was great.  Then, the end of August came and it was time for me to go away for college (about an hour from home).  We stayed together, but I always blamed myself for leaving her behind.  I came home for the weekends to spend time with her but I guess it wasn't enough.  On November 29 of that year (2001), we talked on the phone after my last class and she broke up with me.  I was devastated.  I began to see a psychologist in January and saw him once a week until August 2002.  He put me on depression medication but since I was too busy with school, I stopped seeing him.  Then, the day after christmas (2002) Gwen (the girl) and her friend came by my parents place looking for me and I answered the door.  Basically, we started dating again for 2 weeks and she broke up with me again right before I left to go back to school.  I haven't really spoke to her since then.  Well, now it is 2005, I just graduated college on May 7th and have my own place here in my home town.  In April of this year I stopped taking my depression medication.  Gwen has a boyfriend, I think they have been going out for over a year.  I drive by her a lot and sometimes I drive by her when she is with her boyfriend.  I act like I don't notice her but really I notice her very much.  I still get that sick to the stomach feeling whenever I see her.  It seems that since I'm home now, all of my feelings for her are resurfacing and I am sick of feeling this way.  I can't take it anymore and don't know what to do, it's killing me inside.

I'm a good looking, intelligent, and well rounded person; so I can get other girls, but she seems to always be the only one on my mind.

What can I do?

-Van


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 15, 2005)

There isn't a "25 words or less" answer to your question, Van, but I would suggest that you consider resuming therapy... and possibly the medication you were taking previously as well.

This isn't going to go away on it's own or with just the passage of time. You need to find someone who can help you explore what it is that is causing you to hang on to this relationship and preventing you from moving forward with your life.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 15, 2005)

There isn't a "25 words or less" answer to your question, Van, but I would suggest that you consider resuming therapy... and possibly the medication you were taking previously as well.

This isn't going to go away on it's own or with just the passage of time. You need to find someone who can help you explore what it is that is causing you to hang on to this relationship and preventing you from moving forward with your life.


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## Lockedaway (Jun 15, 2005)

I know, I thought about resuming therapy and medication already, I guess it is the only thing I can do.  Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it...


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## Lockedaway (Jun 15, 2005)

I know, I thought about resuming therapy and medication already, I guess it is the only thing I can do.  Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it...


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## Lockedaway (Sep 5, 2005)

Well, it's been a few months since I posted this and need somebody to talk to.  I've been going to therapy and it is going well.  On Saturday Gwen (my ex) showed up at my door again.  I was talking to one of her friends the day before and told her that somebody told me they heard my ex was pregnant.  So her friend told her what I heard and as a result my ex ended up on my doorstep wanting to talk.  She isn't pregnant, I was wrong about the b/f thing as well.  She has only dated one guy since me and that was only for a short time.  She says she hasn't found any she likes.  I want to believe she still loves me and that she was looking for a reason to come see me.  Maybe I was even the reason she didn't date anybody else and she just doesn't want to tell me.  We spent all day saturday together along with one of her girlfriends.  We went out to eat, played some miniature golf, them went to her place.  She spent all day Sunday sending text messages to my cell phone and talking to me.  My problem is, she has always been the type to not want to talk about her feelings, i think she is afraid of letting people in and afraid of taking a chance on getting hurt.  But, for my own sake, I need to know what she wants from me relationship wise.  The problem is, everytime I used to bring it up, she would get aggrevated and not want to talk about it.  I know I am young, but I also know if I could spend the rest of my life with one person, that person would be her.  This is the first time we've spoken in two years.  The problem is I don't think I can handle just being friends with her, I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of her with other guys.  I want to know what she wants so that I can either be with her or try and let her go and date other people.  I have a few girls who want to date me right now, if she doesn't want me, I would like to know.  How do I bring it up without aggrevating her or getting her upset.  

She asked if I talk to all the girls as sweet as I talk to her.  I said, "Only you and amy (her friend), because amy is amy (sweetest girl in the world), but your my baby".  To me this seems like she's still at least interested, but I tend to over analyze...


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## Lockedaway (Sep 5, 2005)

Well, it's been a few months since I posted this and need somebody to talk to.  I've been going to therapy and it is going well.  On Saturday Gwen (my ex) showed up at my door again.  I was talking to one of her friends the day before and told her that somebody told me they heard my ex was pregnant.  So her friend told her what I heard and as a result my ex ended up on my doorstep wanting to talk.  She isn't pregnant, I was wrong about the b/f thing as well.  She has only dated one guy since me and that was only for a short time.  She says she hasn't found any she likes.  I want to believe she still loves me and that she was looking for a reason to come see me.  Maybe I was even the reason she didn't date anybody else and she just doesn't want to tell me.  We spent all day saturday together along with one of her girlfriends.  We went out to eat, played some miniature golf, them went to her place.  She spent all day Sunday sending text messages to my cell phone and talking to me.  My problem is, she has always been the type to not want to talk about her feelings, i think she is afraid of letting people in and afraid of taking a chance on getting hurt.  But, for my own sake, I need to know what she wants from me relationship wise.  The problem is, everytime I used to bring it up, she would get aggrevated and not want to talk about it.  I know I am young, but I also know if I could spend the rest of my life with one person, that person would be her.  This is the first time we've spoken in two years.  The problem is I don't think I can handle just being friends with her, I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of her with other guys.  I want to know what she wants so that I can either be with her or try and let her go and date other people.  I have a few girls who want to date me right now, if she doesn't want me, I would like to know.  How do I bring it up without aggrevating her or getting her upset.  

She asked if I talk to all the girls as sweet as I talk to her.  I said, "Only you and amy (her friend), because amy is amy (sweetest girl in the world), but your my baby".  To me this seems like she's still at least interested, but I tend to over analyze...


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## timjohnson (Sep 5, 2005)

Hi, I just read a message you posted about the girl who you can't seem to get over.  I think that i might be able to help a little(or at least try).  Yes, I have like you, been stuck mentally on a girl that I thought was the greatest i had ever met.  It was also very difficult for me to get her to tell me about her feelings sometimes, but I did eventually reach wits end.  I could not wait for her to finally give up on her old plans which she had made with an x boyfriend that actully cheated on her and was not the best at times, to marry him once she was out of college.  Of course she claimed that she "wasn't sure" if she still wanted to do that when she was with me, but he still called her and everything, even while we were dating, even though she said it was just 'friendly' conversation, it was very hard for me to believe that she took me seriously when she was still maintaining the relationship with the guy who she was apparently planning to marry in the past...  apparently she thought that it would be easier to keep her current plans than to change things and try to make a future with me, but she told me she actually did tell me that she was afraid of getting hurt and i already knew that she had ocd, and apparently becomes too obsessed in a relationship, making a breakup much harder and so she wouldnt try it unless i could tell her for sure i wouldn't breakup with her, as she's been through several in the past which were hard.  Of course i couldn't make that promise to her.  Yeah i know you can't relate with that... but I eventually did force her to give me an answer about how she felt towards me, i told her that i didn't care if it was the answer that I wanted, but that I just couldn't take not knowing what she wanted anymore... and so she told me that she didn't think we would work out,and so i told her that I can just be friends with her if she wants, but that I would need some time away from her to get my head straight before I would be capable of doing that.  She did not understand this...  She thought I meant that 'if we couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend, then i didn't want anything to do with her', which wasn't true at all.  Anyway, things did eventually go this way, we dismissed the possibility of trying to be more than friends, and as unusual as i hear that this is, we are still really good friends several months later.  We did actualy have a month period where we didn't see eachother, but we are now pretty much just friends.  Although I am having great difficulty moving on(trying to date again), it was necessary for me to find out what she wanted from me before i could move on...  Maybe this isn't applicable at all to you, but i thought that it might relate on some levels so i thought i'd share...


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## timjohnson (Sep 5, 2005)

Hi, I just read a message you posted about the girl who you can't seem to get over.  I think that i might be able to help a little(or at least try).  Yes, I have like you, been stuck mentally on a girl that I thought was the greatest i had ever met.  It was also very difficult for me to get her to tell me about her feelings sometimes, but I did eventually reach wits end.  I could not wait for her to finally give up on her old plans which she had made with an x boyfriend that actully cheated on her and was not the best at times, to marry him once she was out of college.  Of course she claimed that she "wasn't sure" if she still wanted to do that when she was with me, but he still called her and everything, even while we were dating, even though she said it was just 'friendly' conversation, it was very hard for me to believe that she took me seriously when she was still maintaining the relationship with the guy who she was apparently planning to marry in the past...  apparently she thought that it would be easier to keep her current plans than to change things and try to make a future with me, but she told me she actually did tell me that she was afraid of getting hurt and i already knew that she had ocd, and apparently becomes too obsessed in a relationship, making a breakup much harder and so she wouldnt try it unless i could tell her for sure i wouldn't breakup with her, as she's been through several in the past which were hard.  Of course i couldn't make that promise to her.  Yeah i know you can't relate with that... but I eventually did force her to give me an answer about how she felt towards me, i told her that i didn't care if it was the answer that I wanted, but that I just couldn't take not knowing what she wanted anymore... and so she told me that she didn't think we would work out,and so i told her that I can just be friends with her if she wants, but that I would need some time away from her to get my head straight before I would be capable of doing that.  She did not understand this...  She thought I meant that 'if we couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend, then i didn't want anything to do with her', which wasn't true at all.  Anyway, things did eventually go this way, we dismissed the possibility of trying to be more than friends, and as unusual as i hear that this is, we are still really good friends several months later.  We did actualy have a month period where we didn't see eachother, but we are now pretty much just friends.  Although I am having great difficulty moving on(trying to date again), it was necessary for me to find out what she wanted from me before i could move on...  Maybe this isn't applicable at all to you, but i thought that it might relate on some levels so i thought i'd share...


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## Lockedaway (Sep 5, 2005)

Thanks for replying.  Yeah, my situation is similar in certain ways.  Don't know if you read the second half of my story but it makes it so hard for me considering the fact that she keeps coming back into my life on her own.  Don't know if she's coming back because i'm done college now and wants a relationship or if she just wants a security blanket.  She actually woke me up this morning and came over on her way back from work because she got off early.  She was laying on me and i had my arms around her and stuff, in my mind it feels so right.  But, I don't know what she's thinking.


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## Lockedaway (Sep 5, 2005)

Thanks for replying.  Yeah, my situation is similar in certain ways.  Don't know if you read the second half of my story but it makes it so hard for me considering the fact that she keeps coming back into my life on her own.  Don't know if she's coming back because i'm done college now and wants a relationship or if she just wants a security blanket.  She actually woke me up this morning and came over on her way back from work because she got off early.  She was laying on me and i had my arms around her and stuff, in my mind it feels so right.  But, I don't know what she's thinking.


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## Lockedaway (Sep 6, 2005)

Well, here's a short update.  I talked to my psychologist and he suggested I speak with her and ask her what she wanted.  So I was with her today and said "I don't want you to feel any pressure or anything like that.  You know how I feel about you and I want us to get back together.  I want to know what you want."  She told me that is the reason she came by my house on saturday and wants to see what happens.  We haven't spoken for 2 years and are 2 totally different people compared to 2 years ago so this is understandable.  My problem is that my mind is working overtime constantly thinking about it and my nerves are about shot.  I'm so afraid she will not want to be with me that it is making it hard for me to eat and function throughout the day.  Over the past 4 years, she has never told me she didn't love me anymore.  This will basically decide our whole future together and we both know it.  If she says she doesn't love me anymore, I won't know what to do.


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## Lockedaway (Sep 6, 2005)

Well, here's a short update.  I talked to my psychologist and he suggested I speak with her and ask her what she wanted.  So I was with her today and said "I don't want you to feel any pressure or anything like that.  You know how I feel about you and I want us to get back together.  I want to know what you want."  She told me that is the reason she came by my house on saturday and wants to see what happens.  We haven't spoken for 2 years and are 2 totally different people compared to 2 years ago so this is understandable.  My problem is that my mind is working overtime constantly thinking about it and my nerves are about shot.  I'm so afraid she will not want to be with me that it is making it hard for me to eat and function throughout the day.  Over the past 4 years, she has never told me she didn't love me anymore.  This will basically decide our whole future together and we both know it.  If she says she doesn't love me anymore, I won't know what to do.


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