# I needed it?



## Lonewolf (Apr 27, 2014)

I have been trying to work through my crap, but because I spoke about some suicidal feelings,that has been stopped for a while!! (Not my choice!) 

I should have learnt by now that most people seem genuine enough, but when you open up to them, try to trust them, you are vulnerable and they kick you when you are at your weakest,  they don't actually give two hoots about how you feel!! It's like a power trip for them??
I apologise if any of this is offensive,  im feeling incredibly angry and hurt and totally embarrassed!! Sorry!!!
Is there anybody in this horrible world that can be trusted? Is it best that you don't trust anyone???


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## MHealthJo (Apr 27, 2014)

*Re: i needed it?*

I'm so sorry Lonewolf....

Was it a health system worker of some sort? You should make a complaint if you are not being allowed to say what you feel. 

Is it possible that if it was just a friend or something, they were just not able to cope with some part of the conversation, it was just difficult for them.... but you may be able to come to an understamding again when both people are feeling calmer?

Also, some people you come across may not be very well or very self-controlled or not in a good place. Along your journey, you will get better and better at finding good well-developed people to trust.
--
Meantime, very happy to hear of efforts you've been.making and time periods of trying not to use self-harming methods. But it is not easy and there may always be times of slips. The main thing is to then remember to turn to another option, just like you are doing now. Well done!


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## Lonewolf (Apr 27, 2014)

*Re: i needed it?*

It was support forum for people with troubled pasts!! I was told that I could bring people down with me!!! 
I don't know why im so surprised?  
I just don't know how to cope with how I feel, I don't want these feelings!!! I allowed myself to feel and yet again I get kicked down again!!! What is the point? ??


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## MHealthJo (Apr 27, 2014)

*Re: i needed it?*

It can definitely be hard sometimes to judge exactly where each boundary should be with how much we say etc, remembering exactly what the rules are for each web group, how exactly to interpret them, etc. Not always easy for sure! I am so forgetful. 

I think the important thing to remember  LW is you may not have been rejected personally or permanently... People may just be trying to work out what to do in the best interest of their whole group of people....

And the person is imperfect and may have made a harsh call, sometimes that can happen - but later if you talk it over, often it can be worked out...... That happens all the time!

It does not mean the whole world is untrustworthy, or that you are worth less, or that the relationship is ruined and you won't be able to work through it a bit later if you would like to......   

The thing to remember is it doesn't change anything about you. You are important even if people are imperfect and make a wrong judgment.......    (Even though our emotions react strongly and start to tell us those wrong things.) CBT and DBT books or free online worksheets are so valuable.... They can help us tell ourselves to think those more correct ways when our strong emotions hit us!

It is really great you are talking this over with us here LW.......


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## Lonewolf (Apr 27, 2014)

*Re: i needed it?*

As usual though, when I find something or someone to rely on, it gets taken away from me and I have to start all over again!!! If you feel that I have a major personality flaw, please enlighten me so I can at least pretend to be someone that feels the tiniest bit worthy of support! !
This is a deep seeded anger i have because i could never trust my family after they abandoned me when I need support and if I can't trust them, I should never expect to be able to trust others!! I try to pick myself up just so someone else can take a shot at me!! And I really annoy myself because I keep getting up for more!!


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## MHealthJo (Apr 27, 2014)

*Re: i needed it?*

I admire you hun that you do keep trying and I do understand how pointless it can feel. 

It is excellent how much you understand that past mistreatment has so much to do with all of this. 

Did you just forget a certain rule there LW, or just werent quite sure how to apply it? Or do you really feel that you were 'singled out' for no good reason?


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## GDPR (Apr 27, 2014)

*Re: i needed it?*



Lonewolf said:


> I have been trying to work through my crap, but because I spoke about some suicidal feelings,that has been stopped for a while!! (Not my choice!)





Lonewolf said:


> It was support forum for people with troubled pasts!! I was told that I could bring people down with me!!!



I'm sorry that happened to you Lonewolf. I'm guessing maybe you talked about killing yourself,that maybe you had plans that you intended to carry out or something?

Were you banned? I was a member of a support forum and I made some suicidal posts and was temporarily banned,I think it was for like 3 days.I was very upset,but their rule was no suicidal posting.They allowed talk about suicidal thoughts,but not talk of plans or attempts.

Have you read the rules for that forum? Will you be able to remain a member?


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## Lonewolf (Apr 28, 2014)

I didn't discuss any details or description of suicide!!!! I tried to let them know I had suicidal feelings!! I've been banned from the site for a week, but it might as well be for a year!! I need them now!!! Surely, I'm not the only person who thinks about suicide due to childhood difficulties!!!! If I go back to the forum, I feel that I will have to tell how excellent my life is! What a wonderful world we live in!!! I look forward to the future............blah.....blah.......blah! If that were true, I wouldn't even need their damn support, would I??? 
So, its just another failure to add to my collection!!!!


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## forgetmenot (Apr 28, 2014)

Lonewolf  i am so sorry that this happened to you    i too was banned from a forum   and i know how bad that hurts  but you are here now ok and we will not ban you 
we are listening and we care   

The other place well it is good you are not there if they are harming you  

Yes people that have been abused  do think of suicide  and you did not fail anything ok   you were reaching out for support and they could not help you  they were uncomfortable with those thoughts

They are just thoughts  as long as you do not act on them  it is ok  really   it is like  the thoughts are there for a reason  i am not making sense sorry but we care ok we do


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## MHealthJo (Apr 28, 2014)

Always remember that it is a human on the other end, just trying to do what they think is best for their whole group of people that they are there for. 

Some groups really are much less tolerant of ANY talk or thoughts about suicide. It is a tough topic that some web groups watch very carefully and have  a pretty zero-tolerance policy of. It's so important to get a good feel for what the rules are, what the general culture is, of each internet web group you may be participating in. 

Always remember that suicide hotlines and counselling hotlines are available, are 24/7 services, and there you can always say whatever you feel. xx

We are here and you can keep talking. Most forums and web groups have on their rules and information that they are not a crisis service or a suicide hotline, and do not necessarily have someone available to respond at all times, and they exist for peer support of people who want to keep learning and working towards better mental health. This is no different from Psychlinks and we do encourage positive steps and for people to try to keep thinking about what they can do for themselves and what they can do next, and how they can grow. But we are also a somewhat smaller-sized group that may be able also to remember the various situations of members - even though at the end of the day, rules are rules, and every member needs to refresh themselves of the rules regularly of every place that they participate in and try to keep them in mind.     xx


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## GDPR (Apr 28, 2014)

I'm sorry Lonewolf.And I hope it wasn't the forum I told you to check out.I was only trying to help,not hurt you.I'm sorry if it was that one.


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## MHealthJo (Apr 28, 2014)

That was a nice thing to do LIT. Remember that you can't really predict or control what happens outside of yourself, so something negative happening from a place you recommended is not your fault, and it's hard to know all the details of a situation too.


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## Lonewolf (Apr 28, 2014)

LIT it's not anything you did, infact it was a nice thing you did for me and I thank you for it!!  I think that sometimes I rely on something or someone too much and they cave in under the pressure!!! As these people have!! Maybe they have never tried to support someone like me! I'm quite a difficult customer,  I suppose and I guess the world is very lucky that there is only one of me!!!


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## GDPR (Apr 28, 2014)

Maybe it's none of those things at all,maybe you simply broke some kind of rule.

Maybe read over the rules and see exactly what is was you did instead of beating yourself up over it. If you don't quite understand,maybe PM a mod or someone and ask.I'm sure it was as simple as breaking a rule and has nothing to do with you as a person.


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## Lonewolf (Apr 29, 2014)

I need to wait for the week ban to finish and then try to swallow my pride, calm down and maybe not be so trusting with other people!! Thing is I struggle to trust people and once I have to I sort of act like a bull in a china shop! I go from one extreme to the other!! I don't really understand why I do this??
I may have over reacted to the ban!! I don't have any other support apart from these forums and I was just devastated by it because I had told them some very personal and agonising things and when they reacted this way, I felt so raw and distraught having been left alone having had my heart ripped open and left to bleed!!! By myself, alone!!!
Thankyou guys and if i do ever do or say anything out of order please tell me and if it is felt that i need to be banned from here, let me know before i get in too deep!!! 
The one thing i can't cope with is being abandoned while I'm in up to my neck in it and need help more than ever!!!! Im petrified of having to be in this struggle by myself, alone, on my own!!


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## Retired (Apr 29, 2014)

Lonewolf,

I cannot speak for other forums, but the the concern we have on Psychlinks is the effect posts by members can have on other members.

We need to keep in mind that many of us can be struggling with our own issues, and that fragility can sometimes be triggered by graphic descriptions of situations that could be written to be expressed using more sensitive language.

For example, there is no problem for a Psychlinks member revealing they have thoughts of suicide, but we do *not* want a graphic description of the _method_ contemplated in the plan.


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## MHealthJo (Apr 29, 2014)

I think it will go fine LW. Everyone gets things wrong and has struggles. Have forgiveness for yourself. You don't need to be ashamed or judge yourself, or think that is how many others will feel. They often don't. 

Go ahead with it in a weeks time.
You will be OK. 

I think one of the keys with trust Lonewolf is this: being able to have a good sense of trust in others is largely to do with our own positive relationship with ourselves, and knowing that we trust *ourselves* to care for ourselves compassionately when something does go wrong. 

There can always be times that people can be imperfect or surprise us. But if our relationship with ourself is positive, we still feel safer no matter what. Because we know we are there for ourselves, always, and we can use our tools and our healthy options to look after ourselves when we're in trouble.

That does not mean we trust anyone with anything, or trust too quickly. But what it means is, we know that we have ways to look after our own emotions, and we know that we can have our own role/ impact on how we feel. We are not just totally at the mercy of the unpredictable universe. So we can enlist help sometimes and engage with people as we choose, but how we feel is not all about others too much. That makes life a lot easier and stabler. 

So that's why it is awesome for you to carry on learning LW, because that makes it safer to trust, and makes you more at the helm of your own boat.  So keep on with it, you're doing great.


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## Lonewolf (Apr 29, 2014)

From that I guess that no one can be 100% honest on any forum!!! Suppose that's always a good thing? 
I don't intend to come across so angry and bitter, I really don't!  I'm so sorry!! I can't apologise enough!  Don't know what is wrong with me? Just so rattled!! I have never felt anger like this before! I don't know how to make it go away? Its not a nice thing to lose total control of infact its very frightening,  like im turning into my dad!!


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## GDPR (Apr 29, 2014)

Lonewolf said:


> I have never felt anger like this before! I don't know how to make it go away? Its not a nice thing to lose total control of infact its very frightening,  like im turning into my dad!!



Get a big bag of chipped ice and throw it against the walls,it melts and eventually dries.
Take a plastic baseball bat and beat a couch with it.
Beat up a pillow,you could even tape pictures to it and beat the crap out of them.
Rip up old magazines or phone books.
Go somewhere that nobody will hear you and scream as loud as you can.
Write letters to people that have hurt you and then burn them.Sometimes I write letters and then shred them and put them in the sink and fill it with water until they're all soggy and them throw them away.I like doing that better than burning them,I don't know why.

There's lots of ways to get rid of the anger inside.Just find something that works for you.It really does help.


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## Retired (Apr 29, 2014)

> From that I guess that no one can be 100% honest on any forum!!!



There's a difference between being honest and forthcoming and managing what you disclose.  The former is preferable to maintain your credibility, while the latter can protect you depending on circumstances and need to know on the part of the audience.

I have never found an upside to dishonesty...it tends to catch up with you and ruins relationships.

Managed disclosure is a better alternative, in my view.


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## Lonewolf (Apr 29, 2014)

Maybe?? It's all getting too much for me!! Maybe I should never have written the stuff on these forums, the things that I have! It gets far too complicated to know what the right thing to do!! When I started reaching out to different forums, I thought (very selfishly) that I could get a few things off my chest and straightened out in my mind!! I didn't think it could cause so many problems and bring up so many issues for other people and myself!! Relationships have never been a strong point for me, but without them I wouldn't want to exist!! I can't find a happy balance!! 
I am so worried about talking to people now, is it worth keep trying!!
I stayed quiet for so many years and that was very, very painful and self distructive, but it was only me being affected!! Now i seem to be causing problems for other people and that was the last thing i ever wanted to do!!! It takes a lot of courage to speak out, but sometimes i think maybe it takes more to keep your mouth well and truely shut!!! Cope with it as best you can, it may be very destressing, but its not as complicated!
I am truely sorry if I have ever caused distress to anybody, I really didn't mean too!!
I know it hurts!!


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## Retired (Apr 29, 2014)

There has been nothing to my recollection that you posted here that was inappropriate; any of the suggestions made to you in this discussion were just general observations and comments.....certainly not intended as any kind of criticism of what you have written.

Can you see that you may be very sensitive to conversational remarks that people make, perhaps misinterpreting that these remarks somehow are critical of you, when in fact they are just people just talking.

Our Forum is open and receptive, willing to help and to be supportive....you don't have to worry about  any kind of rebuke or personal attack.

Our moderators ensure Psychlinks to be a safe environment.


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## MHealthJo (Apr 30, 2014)

Hun what happened on the other forum is not at all the big deal that you are thinking it is. All it is is enforcing the rules, thinking about what's best in the longer term,  keeping the content what it should be, and ensuring that all members try to remember to keep the rules  in mind.

Most forums remove the wrong content quite quickly so that very few people see it. And even if a few did, they may not be feeling vulnerable right now, and will remember that humans make mistakes and learn from them. And anyone who knows what happened will now feel safer and more positive there, knowing their moderators there strive to keep the content what it should be. 

And when you return they will respect you knowing that you intend to keep trying, to keep the boundaries in mind as best you can, and everyone knows that boundaries are healthy things and learning about healthy boundaries and having them set for us is healthy and helps us to grow.  Seeing it happen sometimes like what occurred on the other forum is healthy for people too. 

Always remember that there are helplines and hotlines and typing chatlines too that are private, and those can be places where you can say absolutely anything.  x


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## Lonewolf (Apr 30, 2014)

I guess I am!! Thanks for your response! Just feel like everyone is getting at me at the moment,  not only on the forums,  but in my life generally!!! I'm finding it all very painful!! 
Thankyou for being here!


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## Harebells (Apr 30, 2014)

I don't really have anything to add to what others have said lonewolf, just wanted to say I'm really sorry that happened, that you were cut off from support when you needed it most, I can understand that's so upsetting - I would have reacted the same way I'm sure. I hope it goes well when you return to that forum and I hope you keep coming here and feel safe to say what you're feeling xxx


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## Mari (Apr 30, 2014)

> I guess the world is very lucky that there is one of me!!!



I quoted you but took left out one word to change it to an inspirational message. Really, I think that is true for you and for every single person who is striving to be better. Selfishly, I also wanted to write that for myself because I am struggling very much this month. My therapist is on sick leave and I have been doing the best I can on my own but have now made an appointment with my GP. Also, thank-you for being here and for sharing and for not giving up.


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## MHealthJo (May 11, 2014)

It is lovely the sentence you made Mari. (I'm sorry you are in such a difficult spot right now.)

I think we should often write down sentences we've got in our heads, and remove or change a word or two!!

Maybe we can remember that when we feel terrible, we usually aren't seeing a totally balanced version of reality.... If we change some words, it balances things around a bit to the other view which we cannot see yet.

That is what CBT and DBT are partly about Lonewolf, and they can help a lot to see reality clearer and be more fair to ourselves. So keep checking out CBT and DBT book recommendations at Amazon, or the resources of that kind here.


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