# Worried and Stressed



## SS8282 (Oct 7, 2005)

As if trying to support a good friend who's dealing with one friend's suicide and another attempted one, my mother went to a doctor yesterday because she has hyperthyroidism. She needs surgery - no doubt about it. The question is when. She has some samples taken and we're waiting to hear if they're cancerous.  If they are, then she'll have surgery earlier.

Work is very busy these past few weeks, and I'm stressed and drained. Earlier this week, I was drinking at my desk while I was alone in the office. That helped me feel better - at the time. Now, my brain tells me it wasn't smart.  I'm not sure how much longer I can provide support to everyone and still stay 'sane'. *sigh*


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## SS8282 (Oct 7, 2005)

As if trying to support a good friend who's dealing with one friend's suicide and another attempted one, my mother went to a doctor yesterday because she has hyperthyroidism. She needs surgery - no doubt about it. The question is when. She has some samples taken and we're waiting to hear if they're cancerous.  If they are, then she'll have surgery earlier.

Work is very busy these past few weeks, and I'm stressed and drained. Earlier this week, I was drinking at my desk while I was alone in the office. That helped me feel better - at the time. Now, my brain tells me it wasn't smart.  I'm not sure how much longer I can provide support to everyone and still stay 'sane'. *sigh*


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## comfortzone (Oct 8, 2005)

Hi SS,

It is important to take care of oneself before attempting to support others.  Being nurturing to others is great, however, it is important to make sure you are getting the rest, nutrition, and emotional support needed to maintain your life.  Taking time out for yourself can be very helpful so that you don't wear down.  If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to help anyone.  Please keep us posted.

And welcome to the forum too!


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## comfortzone (Oct 8, 2005)

Hi SS,

It is important to take care of oneself before attempting to support others.  Being nurturing to others is great, however, it is important to make sure you are getting the rest, nutrition, and emotional support needed to maintain your life.  Taking time out for yourself can be very helpful so that you don't wear down.  If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to help anyone.  Please keep us posted.

And welcome to the forum too!


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## ThatLady (Oct 8, 2005)

Welcome, hon! You've got a lot on your plate, so it's no wonder you're stressed; however, your brain was telling you correctly. Drinking at work, while it might seem to make you feel better, will really just leave you more depressed and stressed out. Additionally, if someone had come in unexpectedly, such behavior could have cost you your job. Now, that would be stressful!

I do hope your mother's tests for cancer are negative. Hyperthyroidism isn't fun but, with surgery, can be managed pretty easily.


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## ThatLady (Oct 8, 2005)

Welcome, hon! You've got a lot on your plate, so it's no wonder you're stressed; however, your brain was telling you correctly. Drinking at work, while it might seem to make you feel better, will really just leave you more depressed and stressed out. Additionally, if someone had come in unexpectedly, such behavior could have cost you your job. Now, that would be stressful!

I do hope your mother's tests for cancer are negative. Hyperthyroidism isn't fun but, with surgery, can be managed pretty easily.


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## Heather (Oct 8, 2005)

Sorry to hear that you have all that going on, it must be really hard! 

I am always offering support to others and am finding I am not coping with it, I am slowly learning to care for myself as well. To give the best support we need to be ok ourselves (I need to take my own advise by the way).

Heather...


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## Heather (Oct 8, 2005)

Sorry to hear that you have all that going on, it must be really hard! 

I am always offering support to others and am finding I am not coping with it, I am slowly learning to care for myself as well. To give the best support we need to be ok ourselves (I need to take my own advise by the way).

Heather...


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## momof5 (Oct 8, 2005)

I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's thyroid. I do understand. I lost half of mine due to a tumor21 years ago. Now need an ultra sound on the good part. No synthroid for years as it balanced itself out.

And I understand about listening to all around you. And I'm sure they ask you not to tell anyone either, which can create  more of a stress with it.

Listen to ThatLady, she is one smart lady, take care of yourself along the way also. And please don't drink at work. This can't be good, and if you loose your job over it, that will be one more thign that will stress you out.

Welcome to the forums, and please post anytime you need anything as someone will always be here to give you support and try to help you out.


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## momof5 (Oct 8, 2005)

I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's thyroid. I do understand. I lost half of mine due to a tumor21 years ago. Now need an ultra sound on the good part. No synthroid for years as it balanced itself out.

And I understand about listening to all around you. And I'm sure they ask you not to tell anyone either, which can create  more of a stress with it.

Listen to ThatLady, she is one smart lady, take care of yourself along the way also. And please don't drink at work. This can't be good, and if you loose your job over it, that will be one more thign that will stress you out.

Welcome to the forums, and please post anytime you need anything as someone will always be here to give you support and try to help you out.


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## SS8282 (Oct 9, 2005)

Comfortzone, ThatLady, Heather, momof5 - thank you for your welcome and support.  I guess the consenses is that I need to take care of myself first. That kinda makes sense (can't help anyone else if I'm in a bad place), but it's hard. How do I convince myself that I'm not being uncaring and selfish by putting myself first? 

We won't know the results of the samples for a week or two, but I'll certainly keep you posted. You are all wonderful people.


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## SS8282 (Oct 9, 2005)

Comfortzone, ThatLady, Heather, momof5 - thank you for your welcome and support.  I guess the consenses is that I need to take care of myself first. That kinda makes sense (can't help anyone else if I'm in a bad place), but it's hard. How do I convince myself that I'm not being uncaring and selfish by putting myself first? 

We won't know the results of the samples for a week or two, but I'll certainly keep you posted. You are all wonderful people.


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## comfortzone (Oct 10, 2005)

You are welcome SS!  I think of doing for myself (making sure my needs are met) as helping others as well.  If you constantly did for others and did nothing to provide for your own upkeep...then you would have nothing to give to be supportive or caring to anyone.  We all have needs as well as issues that arise that need our care...if we are focusing our attention on everyone else but ourselves...could it not be a distraction from what is happening with ourselves?  Thus, we can keep the attention away from the issues that could possibly appear overwhelming if we began to focus more attention on ourselves.  Do keep us posted.  Do something that you enjoy, whether it be going to a movie, reading a good book, or watching a tv program, or whatever you like...begin now as you can enjoy your time caring for you.  Many times what we give to others can be the simplest of things...such as a smile.  Take care,


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## comfortzone (Oct 10, 2005)

You are welcome SS!  I think of doing for myself (making sure my needs are met) as helping others as well.  If you constantly did for others and did nothing to provide for your own upkeep...then you would have nothing to give to be supportive or caring to anyone.  We all have needs as well as issues that arise that need our care...if we are focusing our attention on everyone else but ourselves...could it not be a distraction from what is happening with ourselves?  Thus, we can keep the attention away from the issues that could possibly appear overwhelming if we began to focus more attention on ourselves.  Do keep us posted.  Do something that you enjoy, whether it be going to a movie, reading a good book, or watching a tv program, or whatever you like...begin now as you can enjoy your time caring for you.  Many times what we give to others can be the simplest of things...such as a smile.  Take care,


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## SS8282 (Oct 10, 2005)

I do, do things for myself, sometimes - like being in the internet, and reading at night before going to bed. Unfortunately, when I'm supporting others, it's like I have to be there 110%. Can't seem to retain some of the 'comforting' feelings I get when I do things for myself. Hard for me to separate myself from the other person. Does that make sense?


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## SS8282 (Oct 10, 2005)

I do, do things for myself, sometimes - like being in the internet, and reading at night before going to bed. Unfortunately, when I'm supporting others, it's like I have to be there 110%. Can't seem to retain some of the 'comforting' feelings I get when I do things for myself. Hard for me to separate myself from the other person. Does that make sense?


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## momof5 (Oct 11, 2005)

ss:
that makes perfect sense.

before my injuries etc.. I was everywhere doing everything for everyone that needed anything done.

I am not that person anymore, but I try to do as much as i can, which bothers me sometimes as i feel as though I don't do enough.

My energies are limited, especially this year with so much stress on my end. And the weather changes increase the pain levels and the breathing. And when the breathing is ok, then the pain levels cause the headahces, lol, can't win for loosing this year!

My personality has always been thta of I can do it myself, not needing help for things, and i have always hated to ask for help. Not sure if that makes any sense?


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## momof5 (Oct 11, 2005)

ss:
that makes perfect sense.

before my injuries etc.. I was everywhere doing everything for everyone that needed anything done.

I am not that person anymore, but I try to do as much as i can, which bothers me sometimes as i feel as though I don't do enough.

My energies are limited, especially this year with so much stress on my end. And the weather changes increase the pain levels and the breathing. And when the breathing is ok, then the pain levels cause the headahces, lol, can't win for loosing this year!

My personality has always been thta of I can do it myself, not needing help for things, and i have always hated to ask for help. Not sure if that makes any sense?


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## ThatLady (Oct 12, 2005)

I think it's important to remember how good WE feel when we're able to do something for someone else. If you keep that in mind, you'll realize that allowing others to do for us is like giving a gift, because those people get the same good feeling we do. The act of asking for and accepting support and help from others is not selfish. It's an act of giving as much as giving the support and help to others is an act of giving.


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## ThatLady (Oct 12, 2005)

I think it's important to remember how good WE feel when we're able to do something for someone else. If you keep that in mind, you'll realize that allowing others to do for us is like giving a gift, because those people get the same good feeling we do. The act of asking for and accepting support and help from others is not selfish. It's an act of giving as much as giving the support and help to others is an act of giving.


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## comfortzone (Oct 12, 2005)

Very good point ThatLady! The giving and receiving of support in a mutual relationship provides for a balanced relationship.  It is important to be able to receive as it is to give.  Very good!


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## comfortzone (Oct 12, 2005)

Very good point ThatLady! The giving and receiving of support in a mutual relationship provides for a balanced relationship.  It is important to be able to receive as it is to give.  Very good!


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## momof5 (Oct 12, 2005)

comfortzone said:
			
		

> Very good point ThatLady! The giving and receiving of support in a mutual relationship provides for a balanced relationship.  It is important to be able to receive as it is to give.  Very good!



You know this is one of my biggest problems, not recieving help.

Since my injuries I ask less of my children, but, they are such great kids, that they offer to help me out, and if I don't really think they need to, they do so anyhow.

My son has done my total wash for me twice in the past week or so. Sorted and all!


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## momof5 (Oct 12, 2005)

comfortzone said:
			
		

> Very good point ThatLady! The giving and receiving of support in a mutual relationship provides for a balanced relationship.  It is important to be able to receive as it is to give.  Very good!



You know this is one of my biggest problems, not recieving help.

Since my injuries I ask less of my children, but, they are such great kids, that they offer to help me out, and if I don't really think they need to, they do so anyhow.

My son has done my total wash for me twice in the past week or so. Sorted and all!


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## ThatLady (Oct 12, 2005)

I'm sure your son feels wonderful that he's able to help you, momof5. Mothers give so much of themselves, it's really a great feeling when one is able to give something back. It allows a young person to revel in the joy of growing up and knowing that they are becoming "responsible adults". I find myself smiling when I think of how much helping you is doing for your son. Believe me, it's making him feel sooo important, sooo worthy, and sooo loved!


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## ThatLady (Oct 12, 2005)

I'm sure your son feels wonderful that he's able to help you, momof5. Mothers give so much of themselves, it's really a great feeling when one is able to give something back. It allows a young person to revel in the joy of growing up and knowing that they are becoming "responsible adults". I find myself smiling when I think of how much helping you is doing for your son. Believe me, it's making him feel sooo important, sooo worthy, and sooo loved!


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## SS8282 (Oct 12, 2005)

I posted, but for some reason, it's not here. What I said was that momof5, you have a really good kids, to help you out without being asked. Congratulations to you and your kids. 

ThatLady, I totally agree with what you said. You are one smart lady.

I've been down with a migraine for almost 2 weeks now, and the last few days were pretty bad, so I didn't post. I'm on meds for the migraine now.

Anyway, you've all given me food for thought. You people are so supportive - thank you.

My mom told me that she has an appointment with the surgeon in November. That's when she'll get the results, because the results will be sent directly to him.  That's a long wait.


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## SS8282 (Oct 12, 2005)

I posted, but for some reason, it's not here. What I said was that momof5, you have a really good kids, to help you out without being asked. Congratulations to you and your kids. 

ThatLady, I totally agree with what you said. You are one smart lady.

I've been down with a migraine for almost 2 weeks now, and the last few days were pretty bad, so I didn't post. I'm on meds for the migraine now.

Anyway, you've all given me food for thought. You people are so supportive - thank you.

My mom told me that she has an appointment with the surgeon in November. That's when she'll get the results, because the results will be sent directly to him.  That's a long wait.


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## ThatLady (Oct 13, 2005)

Ouch! That is a long wait, hon; especially, under these circumstances. It's going to be difficult for your family until the results are known. Be sure to take time for yourself, and treat yourself with loving kindness, just as you would treat anyone else who was facing what you and your family are facing.

Hugs to all of you!


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## ThatLady (Oct 13, 2005)

Ouch! That is a long wait, hon; especially, under these circumstances. It's going to be difficult for your family until the results are known. Be sure to take time for yourself, and treat yourself with loving kindness, just as you would treat anyone else who was facing what you and your family are facing.

Hugs to all of you!


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## momof5 (Oct 13, 2005)

SS:
I totally understand how headaches feel. And what its like to be down with them. Though not knowing the cause of yours, have you tried ice packs on your head? They dont always take them away, but they sure do help to relieve it just a bit sometimes.



> ThatLady, I totally agree with what you said. You are one smart lady.



Maybe we should start to call her That SmartLady ;>)


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## momof5 (Oct 13, 2005)

SS:
I totally understand how headaches feel. And what its like to be down with them. Though not knowing the cause of yours, have you tried ice packs on your head? They dont always take them away, but they sure do help to relieve it just a bit sometimes.



> ThatLady, I totally agree with what you said. You are one smart lady.



Maybe we should start to call her That SmartLady ;>)


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## SS8282 (Oct 13, 2005)

Momof5, many things trigger a migraine for me. I think this time around it's the weather, along with the stress of other things. I've never tried ice packs before, usually heat. I'll try ice though.

I agree, we should change ThatLady's name to ThatSmartLady )

SmartLady, thanks for the reminder, about taking care of ourselves. I noticed my mother is doing a lot of extra things for me. It'll be so hard especially for her.


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## SS8282 (Oct 13, 2005)

Momof5, many things trigger a migraine for me. I think this time around it's the weather, along with the stress of other things. I've never tried ice packs before, usually heat. I'll try ice though.

I agree, we should change ThatLady's name to ThatSmartLady )

SmartLady, thanks for the reminder, about taking care of ourselves. I noticed my mother is doing a lot of extra things for me. It'll be so hard especially for her.


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## momof5 (Oct 13, 2005)

SS:
What I do is I put the heating pad on my back so that its about neck/shoulder level. Then I put the icepack in a towel and put it all around my head. Usually covering my eyes. If no body is home, I sit in my recliner.

If everyone is here making tons of noise, I go up to bed.

I use two zip lock bags to put the ice in, and squeeze out the air, lol, should just get a regular ice pack, but the zip lock bags last a while, I just dump them and let them air dry!

I fill one about half way with ice, squeeze out the air, put that into another zip lock bag (these are the gallon sizes) squeeze out the air. This way, the ice sort of lays on your head better. Wrap in a towel, I use a thin dish towel.

It helps if I do the regime as soon as the headache starts in my back to my shoulders, if I don't do it asap, then I get a severe one.

Also, if you have anyone to give you a foot massage, that helps also. There is an area on the bottom of your foot around the big toe and next one on the upper padding behind the foot that is about where it relates to your head somehow. A nice massage for the feet can help also.


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## momof5 (Oct 13, 2005)

SS:
What I do is I put the heating pad on my back so that its about neck/shoulder level. Then I put the icepack in a towel and put it all around my head. Usually covering my eyes. If no body is home, I sit in my recliner.

If everyone is here making tons of noise, I go up to bed.

I use two zip lock bags to put the ice in, and squeeze out the air, lol, should just get a regular ice pack, but the zip lock bags last a while, I just dump them and let them air dry!

I fill one about half way with ice, squeeze out the air, put that into another zip lock bag (these are the gallon sizes) squeeze out the air. This way, the ice sort of lays on your head better. Wrap in a towel, I use a thin dish towel.

It helps if I do the regime as soon as the headache starts in my back to my shoulders, if I don't do it asap, then I get a severe one.

Also, if you have anyone to give you a foot massage, that helps also. There is an area on the bottom of your foot around the big toe and next one on the upper padding behind the foot that is about where it relates to your head somehow. A nice massage for the feet can help also.


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## SS8282 (Oct 15, 2005)

Heating pad and ice pack at the same time? Zip lock bags are the best. I put ice in them for times when I get a mosquito bite or something and I swell up. I don't bother to squeeze the air out. I just close it up. When the ice melted a bit I throw the whole bag into the freezer to harden the ice again.

Foot massage sounds so good. Unfortunately, there's nobody here to give me one. (

How are you doing?


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## SS8282 (Oct 15, 2005)

Heating pad and ice pack at the same time? Zip lock bags are the best. I put ice in them for times when I get a mosquito bite or something and I swell up. I don't bother to squeeze the air out. I just close it up. When the ice melted a bit I throw the whole bag into the freezer to harden the ice again.

Foot massage sounds so good. Unfortunately, there's nobody here to give me one. (

How are you doing?


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## momof5 (Oct 15, 2005)

Hi SS:
I'm doing ok, I guess.

I'm hanging in and getting ready to get seriously into web design and make some crafts I think. My daughter can take a few arrangements to her job, so I hope to sell a few.

And we are going to work on candles together, my daughter and I, so that would be really great to do this with her.

I have always called her my princess, so I am naming the candles princess scents. I miss these things so she will help with shows if I decide to do them, and she does those charm bracelets that are in squares, I think they are called italian charms.

Oh, the reason i squeze the air out of the bags is because they seem to lay on my head better, lol, I don't have to hold them, I can just toss them up there over the eyes and head and wonder into lala land ;>)


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## momof5 (Oct 15, 2005)

Hi SS:
I'm doing ok, I guess.

I'm hanging in and getting ready to get seriously into web design and make some crafts I think. My daughter can take a few arrangements to her job, so I hope to sell a few.

And we are going to work on candles together, my daughter and I, so that would be really great to do this with her.

I have always called her my princess, so I am naming the candles princess scents. I miss these things so she will help with shows if I decide to do them, and she does those charm bracelets that are in squares, I think they are called italian charms.

Oh, the reason i squeze the air out of the bags is because they seem to lay on my head better, lol, I don't have to hold them, I can just toss them up there over the eyes and head and wonder into lala land ;>)


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## SS8282 (Oct 19, 2005)

Momof5, you're very creative. I love the name for the candles ) If you can make some money out of selling the crafts, that would be great. Of course, the real bonus is making them with your daughter.

The naproxen that I've been taking for my headaches - have been hurting my tummy. I do take it with food, but my tummy still burns.  Guess I can't have everything.


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## SS8282 (Oct 19, 2005)

Momof5, you're very creative. I love the name for the candles ) If you can make some money out of selling the crafts, that would be great. Of course, the real bonus is making them with your daughter.

The naproxen that I've been taking for my headaches - have been hurting my tummy. I do take it with food, but my tummy still burns.  Guess I can't have everything.


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 19, 2005)

I have never been able to tolerate anti-inflammatory drugs. I don't have any chronic conditions that require them, thankfully, but the few times I have had them prescribed I have discontinued them after 2 or 3 days -- the cure is worse than the disease!


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 19, 2005)

I have never been able to tolerate anti-inflammatory drugs. I don't have any chronic conditions that require them, thankfully, but the few times I have had them prescribed I have discontinued them after 2 or 3 days -- the cure is worse than the disease!


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## momof5 (Oct 20, 2005)

David Baxter said:
			
		

> I have never been able to tolerate anti-inflammatory drugs. I don't have any chronic conditions that require them, thankfully, but the few times I have had them prescribed I have discontinued them after 2 or 3 days -- the cure is worse than the disease!



so true, I refues nsaids and steroids as they cause many problems with me. Some sort of machine on my shoulder in my first round of therapy had steroids in it, and caused eye floaters for me. As soon as they started it. THEN they ignored me and used it a second time. Third visit, I refused it and told them what it was doing, dont' think they believed me, but a neurologist did, and even had a term for itt. Think I could remember it? Nope.


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## momof5 (Oct 20, 2005)

David Baxter said:
			
		

> I have never been able to tolerate anti-inflammatory drugs. I don't have any chronic conditions that require them, thankfully, but the few times I have had them prescribed I have discontinued them after 2 or 3 days -- the cure is worse than the disease!



so true, I refues nsaids and steroids as they cause many problems with me. Some sort of machine on my shoulder in my first round of therapy had steroids in it, and caused eye floaters for me. As soon as they started it. THEN they ignored me and used it a second time. Third visit, I refused it and told them what it was doing, dont' think they believed me, but a neurologist did, and even had a term for itt. Think I could remember it? Nope.


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 20, 2005)

> caused eye floaters for me


Maybe that's what happened to Dennis at the BoG )


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 20, 2005)

> caused eye floaters for me


Maybe that's what happened to Dennis at the BoG )


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## momof5 (Oct 20, 2005)

roflol, maybe you should ask him if he was ever on steroids?


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## momof5 (Oct 20, 2005)

roflol, maybe you should ask him if he was ever on steroids?


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## SS8282 (Oct 20, 2005)

Um, who's Dennis?

Ive been on steroids on/off over the years. Makes me gain weight. Wonder when it's better to refuse meds and just stick with the illness.

Heard something sad today - related to my friend, but this is not the right place to post (


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## SS8282 (Oct 20, 2005)

Um, who's Dennis?

Ive been on steroids on/off over the years. Makes me gain weight. Wonder when it's better to refuse meds and just stick with the illness.

Heard something sad today - related to my friend, but this is not the right place to post (


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## momof5 (Oct 21, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> 1. Um, who's Dennis?
> 
> 2. Ive been on steroids on/off over the years. Makes me gain weight. Wonder when it's better to refuse meds and just stick with the illness.
> 
> 3, Heard something sad today - related to my friend, but this is not the right place to post (


1. Dennis is someone from another forum Doc and I are on. Nice person. (yes doc is as well)

2. I dont agree with steroids, My youngest had exercise induced asthma. They put him on steroids, and he gained weight, and now he can't loose it, and that was years ago they did this. Had I known that it would cause him to gain weight, I would never have put him on them, and aksed for a different method of treating this.

3. I'm sorry that you heard something sad, I hope all is ok with you and yours.


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## momof5 (Oct 21, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> 1. Um, who's Dennis?
> 
> 2. Ive been on steroids on/off over the years. Makes me gain weight. Wonder when it's better to refuse meds and just stick with the illness.
> 
> 3, Heard something sad today - related to my friend, but this is not the right place to post (


1. Dennis is someone from another forum Doc and I are on. Nice person. (yes doc is as well)

2. I dont agree with steroids, My youngest had exercise induced asthma. They put him on steroids, and he gained weight, and now he can't loose it, and that was years ago they did this. Had I known that it would cause him to gain weight, I would never have put him on them, and aksed for a different method of treating this.

3. I'm sorry that you heard something sad, I hope all is ok with you and yours.


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## SS8282 (Oct 21, 2005)

I have asthma - the brittle kind. Sometimes exercising makes me weezy, like going up the stairs or carrying a box from A to B.  I'm sorry you son can't lose the weight. I'm trying to lose mine - due to steroids and other meds. 

Oh, you're right - Doc is nice too. )


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## SS8282 (Oct 21, 2005)

I have asthma - the brittle kind. Sometimes exercising makes me weezy, like going up the stairs or carrying a box from A to B.  I'm sorry you son can't lose the weight. I'm trying to lose mine - due to steroids and other meds. 

Oh, you're right - Doc is nice too. )


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## momof5 (Oct 21, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> I have asthma - the brittle kind. Sometimes exercising makes me weezy, like going up the stairs or carrying a box from A to B.  I'm sorry you son can't lose the weight. I'm trying to lose mine - due to steroids and other meds.
> 
> Oh, you're right - Doc is nice too. )



So sorry to hear about the asthma.

My son likes food, well both youngest do. Next to youngest is a bean pole and eats tons of food. youngest gets upset because instead of the 4-5 slices of pizza his brother can put down, I only permit the 2, maybe 2 and a half slices.

I hope he looses, but suspect bi polar with him, and I was supposed to call dupont today to schedule his appt, but, I worry they might take him from me once he starts talking about how his dad is. THat is the fear that holds me back, loosing my son.

Todays outburst of things was due to something minor, but escalated, and then hubbie dear saying that Joey was nuts and was the kind of kid that kills his family. Yeah, say that with joey in ear shot.

On the other hand, I am so tired of being in the middle per say of all of this. Hubbie torments puts son in aggitates state, then all suffer. Nobody can look at him etc... Not a pretty family picture here at all. :>(

I guess woried and stressed is a good place to chat about this sort of thing.

Spent the day with a headache instead of cleaning the basement and searching online for htings I need to accomplish.

I have a few fall arrangements that if I make them daughter will take them to work for me.

Hmm, I seem to be wandering rambling, if that makes any sense?

btw, the Great and Might Doc helped me greatly to get my forum going up decently again, thanks doc, you are so appreciated (even though we love to tease the daylights out of you ;>) )


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## momof5 (Oct 21, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> I have asthma - the brittle kind. Sometimes exercising makes me weezy, like going up the stairs or carrying a box from A to B.  I'm sorry you son can't lose the weight. I'm trying to lose mine - due to steroids and other meds.
> 
> Oh, you're right - Doc is nice too. )



So sorry to hear about the asthma.

My son likes food, well both youngest do. Next to youngest is a bean pole and eats tons of food. youngest gets upset because instead of the 4-5 slices of pizza his brother can put down, I only permit the 2, maybe 2 and a half slices.

I hope he looses, but suspect bi polar with him, and I was supposed to call dupont today to schedule his appt, but, I worry they might take him from me once he starts talking about how his dad is. THat is the fear that holds me back, loosing my son.

Todays outburst of things was due to something minor, but escalated, and then hubbie dear saying that Joey was nuts and was the kind of kid that kills his family. Yeah, say that with joey in ear shot.

On the other hand, I am so tired of being in the middle per say of all of this. Hubbie torments puts son in aggitates state, then all suffer. Nobody can look at him etc... Not a pretty family picture here at all. :>(

I guess woried and stressed is a good place to chat about this sort of thing.

Spent the day with a headache instead of cleaning the basement and searching online for htings I need to accomplish.

I have a few fall arrangements that if I make them daughter will take them to work for me.

Hmm, I seem to be wandering rambling, if that makes any sense?

btw, the Great and Might Doc helped me greatly to get my forum going up decently again, thanks doc, you are so appreciated (even though we love to tease the daylights out of you ;>) )


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## SS8282 (Oct 21, 2005)

How old are your kids?

Keep wandering rambling. You make sense. Like to listen to you. )   Sorry you're in the middle so much between your hubbie and son. Is he like that with everyone?


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## SS8282 (Oct 21, 2005)

How old are your kids?

Keep wandering rambling. You make sense. Like to listen to you. )   Sorry you're in the middle so much between your hubbie and son. Is he like that with everyone?


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## momof5 (Oct 22, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> How old are your kids?
> 
> Keep wandering rambling. You make sense. Like to listen to you. )   Sorry you're in the middle so much between your hubbie and son. Is he like that with everyone?



I have 5 children. Oldest is going to be 24, and he is stationed in california in the marines. Just promoted to sergent. He was recomended for this not long after making corporal. However, he had some thigns that He needed to accomplish first. Going to Iraq twice created a bit of a slow down in his promotion. 

Someone told my husband at work that was in the service, that it is almost unheard of for someoen to get a recomendation for promotion that quickly. He is going to make a career out of it.

Not surprising though as when he was a child he always wished to go to military school! lol.

Next one is 22 and works in construction and moved back with us and sleeps in the basement. Sometimes I wonder how we did it with 5 children in our house! lol

Next is my daughter who is 20 And in January will be married for a year. She teaches pre school, and loves it.

Next is my 16 year old son. Very into paintball.

Last is my 12 year old, the one that needs the counseling. I was reading on Dupong hospitals site their information regarding bi-polar, and they say that abuse can cause this in people. So sad.

In asnwer to your question is he like this with all of them? Yes. No matter what you ask him not to do he does it. always tormented the kids. My daughter didnt wish for me to work because she didn't want him tormenting her. I had to leave my inlaws phone number for her to call her grandmom if he started with her.

My youngest is a different type of child. Very emotional, always was. Was always a loner, even when he was very little. He would have prefered sitting by himself away from everyone putting puzzels together or whaterver. He wishes to work with making games etc.. inventing. He is so higly intelligent. though he hates school?

btw, thanks for liking to listen to me. ;>)


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 22, 2005)

> I was reading on Dupong hospitals site their information regarding bi-polar, and they say that abuse can cause this in people.


I don't think there's any real evidence of this, momof5.


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## momof5 (Oct 22, 2005)

David Baxter said:
			
		

> > I was reading on Dupong hospitals site their information regarding bi-polar, and they say that abuse can cause this in people.
> 
> 
> I don't think there's any real evidence of this, momof5.




OOPS spelling correction here. Dupont Hospital in Delaware USA. ;>)


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## SS8282 (Oct 22, 2005)

It's amazing how you managed to raise 5 kids.  What's even more amazing is that you stayed with your hubby though he treated the kids so poorly, especially the youngest. I hope he doesn't do the same to you.

Maybe if you go with your 12yr old to see a therapist might help. I guess they call it family counselling. It is definately damaging to your son with your hubbie saying all these nasty things to and about him.  Actually, it would be good if your hubby sees a therapist.  I don't want to be rude or anything. I'm just concerned.  You're a very nice person and I worry about you and your son.

If there's something I can help you with, please let me know.

Btw - you're other kids sound great! Maybe they can help your 12 yr old to feel better about himself. 

Take care, momof5


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## SS8282 (Oct 23, 2005)

It's been raining for the past couple of days, and my darn headache is back. grrrrrrrrrrrr How can I get my head to be less sensitive to the weather? At least I think it's the weather.


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## momof5 (Oct 25, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> It's been raining for the past couple of days, and my darn headache is back. grrrrrrrrrrrr How can I get my head to be less sensitive to the weather? At least I think it's the weather.



Have had the rain here as well, and before this weekend we had 9 straight days of rain. Yes increases headaches as well.

Have you discussed the possibility that the headaches could be muscle spasam related?


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## SS8282 (Oct 25, 2005)

My dr. and I both believe it's weather related, and doesn't seem like there's much that can be done about it. Can't control the weather. Just have to 'rely' on meds if the headaches get too bad.


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## momof5 (Oct 25, 2005)

I was curious as the weather starts the thoracic area of the back during the day (lumbar and all other areas at night!) 

So with all the rain we have had here in NJ, I have been getting them like crazy, but with the cocktail of meds they advised me to take, it does help. Though am low on them, have scripts but have to wait till saturday/hubbies pay day, to get them refilled.

Don't forget about the heating pad and ice packs. Make sure you wrap the icepack in a towel so that your head doesn't get too cold, it could aggrivate it if it does sometimes.


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## SS8282 (Oct 26, 2005)

Hope you have enough meds to last you until you can get your refills.

I'll remember the heating pad and ice packs. It's harder to apply them while I'm at work tho, so I'll have to do it on-off throughout the day.


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## momof5 (Nov 4, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> Hope you have enough meds to last you until you can get your refills.
> 
> I'll remember the heating pad and ice packs. It's harder to apply them while I'm at work tho, so I'll have to do it on-off throughout the day.



I managed to get a few of them refilled. It is an expense even though we have a script plan.

They hydrocodone I am streaching out. I have 4 left, and an appt on tuesday. I can break them if necessary, but the script recomended for the headaches is two of those, one anxiety med and one muscle relaxer. IF that don't work, then two valium.

So far things have been good with the headaches, they start, but are manageable now. thank God for that.

Sorry you have to wait till work is over to work with yours. I wonder how people manage with different thigns like this when working.

IF I ever get this web stuff going, at least I wil be workign at home so I can work with the things that are wrong.


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## SS8282 (Nov 9, 2005)

Glad to hear your headaches aren't so bad right now. I hate to ration meds.

I would just love to be able to work at home, but it's not possible - in my situation.

Just this past weekend, I had migraine - again, and this time, my jaw hurts too, cuz all the clenching. To make matters worse, I also have some kind of bladder infection or something. So I'm on antibiotics. If it's not one thing, it's another.  Man it really sux.


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## momof5 (Nov 9, 2005)

Yeah, I know how you feel. I try to maintain a positive out look by telling myself that there are others out there that are worse then I am. And even though I feel that pain etc.. at least I have the feeling. There are those bound in chairs that most likely wish they could feel.

Sorry about your headache. There are special dental things that you can purchase for the clenching.


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## Daniel (Nov 9, 2005)

SS8282 said:
			
		

> my jaw hurts too, cuz all the clenching



As momof5 says, there are products that can help with the jaw clenching.   At least for nighttime clenching there is the Doctor's NightGuard.


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## SS8282 (Nov 10, 2005)

Thanks. I gotta get it. Good thing there are small ones. I have a small mouth.


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## momof5 (Nov 10, 2005)

This might help a good deal of your headaches, well at least I hope they do.

good luck!


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## SS8282 (Nov 12, 2005)

The night guard helps my jaw, but doesn't help my head.

I was fine for the past few days, but now, my head is starting to hurt. It's suppose to rain tomorrow. I dunno. How do I fight the weather?

Then, my asthma's kinda acting up. Took an afternoon nap, but my chest got tight. I HATE the weather - the quick changes. *sigh*


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## Daniel (Nov 14, 2005)

After a quick web search, some things that may prevent weather-triggered headaches seem to include:

1.  Taking preventative medication.
2.  Reducing other triggers like stress, caffiene, etc.
3.  Unrealistically (for most people), moving to a different location with less storms.  In the US, this would be  Hawaii or San Diego, California.  
4.  Exercising regularly:



> Regular aerobic exercise reduces tension and can help prevent migraines. If your doctor agrees, choose any aerobic exercise you enjoy, including walking, swimming and cycling. Warm up slowly, however, because sudden, intense exercise can cause headaches.
> 
> http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00120.html


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## SS8282 (Nov 15, 2005)

Daniel, thanks for the suggestions.

I exercises regularly. Guess I need to do more or do it when I feel a headache coming on. I'll try to do some relaxation more. Maybe that'll help. 

I'll really need that because there's a trade show that's coming up that I have to attend and my shrink's office called today to tell me that my appointment this week has been cancelled. I can reschedule, but don't think it'll do any good, because the last time he cancelled an appointment was in September, and the earliest date then, was for January/February. Fortunately, I've got an appointment scheduled for every month for the rest of the year, but that won't be help me with the trade show issue, which is at the end of the month.

I am social phobic and I don't do well at all with people. (


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## Daniel (Nov 15, 2005)

> I am social phobic and I don't do well at all with people.



Of course, on the positive side, everyone at a trade show has a common interest, so it may not be too bad.  The worst part, at least for me, is just the anticipatory stress, which, at best, resembles some form of excitement.


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## SS8282 (Nov 16, 2005)

There is a common interest, but they have the technical knowledge - I don't. I'm there to snoop and smooze. People tend to like talking to me, but I'm scared to death at talking to them, so I hardly say anything. Guess that's why they like to talk to me, and having people being at ease with me is important cuz if we (my company and theirs) end up doing a 'partner' thing or even have them as client, I'll have to interact with them as some point.

I don't mind interacting over the phone, but in person - I'm shaking. My anxiety goes to overdrive and I get panicky. I've already started thinking of taking extra meds, have a drink or two at the show or even both. I've even thought of hurting myself to the point that I can't go. 

I called my shrink's office today and I was right - the next available appointment won't be until next year. (


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## Daniel (Nov 16, 2005)

> I don't mind interacting over the phone, but in person - I'm shaking. My anxiety goes to overdrive and I get panicky.



This may seem corny or something you've tried before to no avail, but what about rehearsing, role playing, or simulating the experience to help habituate/expose yourself to that kind of social situation?  I tend to use this strategy to a fault.  A better strategy for me is just going to different social situations on a very regular basis even if I don't want to.  That's part of the reason I'm going to a conference in December.

In the long-term, group therapy would seem to be one possible treatment for social phobia in addition to individual therapy and medications.


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## Daniel (Nov 17, 2005)

I've highlighted techniques below that seem most relevant to preparing for trade shows:



> Social anxiety disorder (social phobia): Self-Care
> (from MayoClinic.com)
> 
> ...Practicing these techniques regularly can help you manage or reduce your anxiety. You may need to begin with small steps in situations that aren't overwhelming.
> ...



Also at the Mayo Clinic site for social phobia is a list of coping methods, the first of which is "Banishing negative thoughts about yourself."  Obviously, a big problem with social phobia is the fear that others will be critical of oneself, as if we were still living in small tribes when rejection from the group could mean starvation.


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## SS8282 (Nov 19, 2005)

Those are good ideas. I've already practices some of them. The hardest part is stopping the negative thoughts about myself. I don't know if it makes sense, but the 'voices' that criticize me seem to be coming from other people. It's as if I read their minds. I look at them, and criticisms just appear in my head.

What about technical questions? There are a lot of techy people there, and I am not techy at all. There's no way I can pretend I know what I'm talking about, let alone understanding them.


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## Daniel (Nov 20, 2005)

> What about technical questions? There are a lot of techy people there, and I am not techy at all. There's no way I can pretend I know what I'm talking about, let alone understanding them.



What kind of technical questions?   Often, the kinds of technical questions that are asked by potential clients can be anticipated to some degree and prepared for.   If you are referring to just general conversation about tech stuff, joining a related tech forum, reading daily tech news, listening to related podcats, etc. can obviously help.  Another approach is to use some of the same products that one's clients use.


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## SS8282 (Nov 24, 2005)

I work at an engineering company, and a lot of the people who attend would like to know how certain equipment would be more efficient and save electricity/gas money. They want to know the type, the size, how they work (lighting, boilers) everything that comes with it. 

Another thing that we do is VOIP - I don't know much about computers. All I know is what VOIP stands for, that you 'talk' through a computer, and that it's cheaper than an actual phone line. I don't know what kind of computer, router, phones, nothing. The people at work tried to explain it to me, but darn it - I just don't understand.

Since I'm the only female in the company, my boss want's to use that point to our advantage. Most people there are male.  For some reasons, men like to talk to me. I think my boss' thinking is that I can establish some kind of 'relationship' with the people in case we want them as our clients or as 'partners'.

I hope I won't do something dumb and embarrass myself and the company.


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## Daniel (Nov 24, 2005)

Regarding VoIP, which I don't know much about, there are some intro books on VoIP at Amazon, including VoIP for Dummies, which was released in September.  (I have enjoyed some of the "Dummies" tech books, though I haven't read the VoIP book.)


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## SS8282 (Nov 25, 2005)

Didn't know there was a voip for dummies. How do you get past the connotation you're a 'dummy' when buying a 'dummy' book? I've looked through some of those books, but never had the courage to actually buy one. I guess since this is a techy thing, it's ok. I'll be going out this weekend, so I'll see if I can find a copy. Thanks.


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## SS8282 (Nov 28, 2005)

I got the book. There's a lot of info in it. It's going to take me a while to go through it, but  I'm sure it'll help me know more. I guess there's hope?


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## David Baxter PhD (Nov 28, 2005)

Years ago I took a course on basic auto mechanics and bought a book called _Auto Repair for Dummies_. That book was amazing. It even showed you how to rebuild a carburetor or repair a transmission but id did it all with pictures and simple language.


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## SS8282 (Nov 29, 2005)

Pictures and simple language - exactly what I need. Can you come and fix my car if it breaks down, David? hehe

Seriously, I'm on page 24 now, and wow - there are a lot of technical terms there, lots of acronyms too. I constantly have to flip back to the beginning to remind myself what the terms mean. I can just imagin when I'm on page 90 or towards the end. Part of me thinks I'm much more of a dummy than what the book called. If it's for 'dummies' and it's hard for me to understand it... *sigh* Don't think I can finish the book before Thursday. (


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## ThatLady (Nov 29, 2005)

Heh. The "for dummies" tag has always given me a giggle. I know for sure, if someone wrote a book titled "Physics for Dummies", I could read myself blind and still be totally befuddled.


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## SS8282 (Dec 3, 2005)

I think those 'dummies' books are a misnomer. Then again, maybe if I read some other dummies books they would be easier to understand. It probably depends on how easy it is for a person to understand and retain certain topics. I dunno. It's easier for me to learn by seeing and doing, oh and having equipment labled.


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 3, 2005)

> I think those 'dummies' books are a misnomer.


I agree. It has nothing to do with the readers being "dummies". It has to do with starting with the basics, not assuming that the reader has any prior knowledge, and then explaining things in straightforward language without trying to get too fancy.


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## SS8282 (Dec 7, 2005)

You're right David. Wish there are Cole's Notes for these 'Dummies' books. I'm ready to give up - so lost.

The trade show that I went to last week was the biggest in Canada. There were thousands of people.  I hope everyone there will forget me. I was such a dummy there - just like a bump on a log. During the exhibits, I went around the booths and wait for the people manning them to be occupied by other people before I dared to grab some brochures and 'treats'.  I felt so embarrassed when I got 'caught' taking a brochure, like a kid getting caught shoplifting.

I went with a co-worker, so I slept in the car on the way back to the office after lunch. I was so exhausted and tense. I don't know how to relax at these kinds of things - trade shows.


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