# Relationship Quotes



## Daniel

"Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means." 

~ Ronald Reagan


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## Daniel

"The first duty of love is to listen."

 ~ Paul Tillich


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## Daniel

“A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

~ Dave Meurer


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## Daniel

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

~ Ernest Hemingway


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## Daniel

“Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.” 

"We need to help people to discover the true meaning of love. Love is generally confused with dependence. Those of us who have grown in true love know that we can love only in proportion to our capacity for independence."

"Some days, doing "the best we can" may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn't perfect-on any front-and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else." 

“Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life’s important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives.” 

― Fred Rogers, _The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember _


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## Daniel

"When you open yourself to the continually changing, impermanent, dynamic nature of your own being and of reality, you increase your capacity to love and care about other people and your capacity to not be afraid. You're able to keep your eyes open, your heart open, and your mind open."

― Pema Chödrön


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## Daniel

“Believing the words of one’s mate while ignoring the actions can lead to serious distortions of reality.”

― Robert W. Firestone, _The Fantasy Bond: Structure of Psychological Defenses _


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## Daniel

“In general, an ideal partner is (a) open and nondefensive, (b) honest and nonduplicitous, (c) affectionate and easy-going, (d) mentally and physically healthy, (e) independent and successful in his or her chosen career or lifestyle, and (f) aware of a meaningful existence that includes humanitarian values.”

― Robert W. Firestone


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## Daniel

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”

~ Swedish proverb


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## Daniel

“Fun is the glue of love.”

"It's hard for most of us to go through a typical day outside the home without some humiliating incident, however trivial, without some frustrating reminder of how limited our power is, how unimportant we are. The relationships we want to spend our lives in should be a refuge from this. If they are just a source of more humiliation, they're not healthy places to stay in."

― Mira Kirshenbaum, _Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay_


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## Daniel

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."

"You cannot save people, you can only love them."

~ Anaïs Nin


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Marriage

Plenty of research shows that insecure attachment styles can be gradually modified over time either through counseling or through positive interactions with a securely attached life partner. One important way to gain insight into the dynamics of your own marriage is to understand your own attachment style as well as that of your spouse.


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## Daniel

Six Small Ways to Show Your Relationship Partner That You Care

    Do things for your partner that only you can do...whether it’s sewing a button on a coat or fixing a glitch on an email program.


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## David Baxter PhD

There is a small but excellent book I used to recommend to clients which includes a little quiz at the end that both partners complete to identify their own love language. Can be an interesting conversation starter and it's often revealing in couples where one or both partners feels ignored, not valued, taken for granted, not respected, etc.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts: Chapman, Gary: 9780802412706: Amazon.com: Books


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## Daniel

“Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated.”

“Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love.” 

“We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.”  

“I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.”

“The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history.” 

― Gary Chapman, _The Five Love Languages_


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## David Baxter PhD

See also Discover Your Love Language - The 5 Love Languages® and Couples Quiz - The 5 Love Languages® online and free.


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## Daniel

I just started to take the quiz, but it reminded me of getting an eye exam -- two options that seem equally good


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## Daniel

I mentioned the book in passing to my mother, and she mentioned she bought it decades ago when she had issues with my dad  

Recently, I bought the nicest gift ever for my husband.   I am saving it for Valentine's Day.  Usually, we just go out to dinner for Valentine's, but with the COVID-19 we would be eating in a minivan ( by the river  ) So, anyway, this gift be a test to see how important gifts are to him...relative to me helping with the dishes


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## Daniel

“The feeling of love comes and goes on a whim; you can't control it. But the action of love is something you can do, regardless of how you are feeling.”

― Russ Harris, _ACT with Love_


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## Daniel

"We are more than how other people see us."

~ various


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## Daniel

Worried About a Difficult Conversation? Here’s Advice From a Hostage Negotiator.
					


With chronic stress and flaring tensions, many of us are arguing with family and friends. Here’s how to achieve a better outcome.





					www.wsj.com
				




Here is the critical game-changing move: Remember that the last impression is the lasting impression. If you are struggling to get the last word in, that’s when the last word is a cheap shot. But when your last word is something positive, it seeds the possibility that the other person will think about what you said and come back and propose a resolution.


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## Daniel

Resolving relationship conflicts usually requires the death of the “self” or “ego,” and that can be painful. That’s why the Disarming Technique can be so hard for most people to learn, and many don’t even want to learn it, thinking that self-defense and arguing and fighting back is the best road to travel!

~ David Burns


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## Daniel

Nothing says "I'm sorry" like flowers ... except for lasting behavioral change ... but you can't buy that at the supermarket.

~ Homer Simpson


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## Daniel

"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible."

~ Carl Jung


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## Daniel

_The Power of Discord_

"You might think that perfect harmony is the defining characteristic of healthy relationships, but the truth is that human interactions are messy, complicated, and confusing...That is not only okay, it is actually crucial to our social and emotional development....Working through the inevitable dissonance of human connection is the path to better relationships with romantic partners, family, friends, and colleagues."


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## Daniel

"There's no better way to dismantle a personality than to isolate it."

~ Princess Diana


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## Daniel

“Love alone is not enough. Without imagination, love stales into sentiment, duty, boredom. Relationships fail not because we have stopped loving but because we first stopped imagining.”  

―    James Hillman


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## Daniel

“I think that with most of our friends we choose how much of ourselves to reveal, and with a very select few it feels as if there is no choice.” 

  ―      Nell Freudenberger,            _Lost and Wanted_


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## Daniel

"They forget how much they used to love their own parents," she said, "when they were kids." 

  ―      Nell Freudenberger,  _Lost and Wanted_


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## Daniel




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## Daniel




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## Daniel

“It doesn’t matter what you do, *it’s how you do it*. That determines whether you really connect, whether you really help people, whether you’re emotionally intelligent.”

—Daniel Goleman, PhD, author of _Emotional Intelligence _


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## Daniel

Imago therapy - Wikipedia
					







					en.wikipedia.org
				




[Replace] judgment—the destroyer of intimacy—with curiosity, which ensures safety and deepens connection.


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## Daniel

“The medicine our world needs is widening circles of compassion. We need to love ourselves—and each other—into healing.”        ~ Tara Brach


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## Daniel

"We can learn to feel good about ourselves not because we’re special and above average, but because we’re human beings intrinsically worthy of respect."

~ Kristin Neff


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

Good Relationtips – Most Commonly Given Relationship Advice — Information is Beautiful
					


What relationship advice do the most popular guides agree upon? A visualisation of romantic wisdom.





					informationisbeautiful.net


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## Daniel

"Try to assume the best of other people because you will help bring it out in them."

~ Nelson Mandela


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

"It's only when we recognize that selves are rivers, flowing onwards in a never-ending process of becoming, that we are able to be fully compassionate."

~ Bodhipaksa


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## Daniel

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.”

~ Audre Lorde


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## Daniel

"Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."

~ Kahlil Gibran


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## Daniel

If You Want Closure After a Breakup: 6 Things You Need to Know - Tiny Buddha
					


You want answers after a breakup. You want to understand, but you don't. Sound right? Here's the truth about closure and how to get it.




					tinybuddha.com
				




The way we view closure matters. Compare the statement _“I’m gaining closure every day”_ with _“I don’t have closure yet.”_ You know straight away which feels kinder, more healing, less self-judging.


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## David Baxter PhD

I think it's essential to understand that after a breakup, particularly a less than friendly breakup as most are, you may not get the answers you seek. By that I mean your ex may not permit you to ask questions or to provide answers to your questions. That is very common.

"I have nothing to say to you and I don't want you to call me any more."

That may be the only response you get.

So what then?

Your only recourse may be to examine everything you know about your ex and about the relationship, and to generate various hypotheses ("guesses" if you like) as to what happened, what went wrong, why the relationship ended, especially if your ex was the one who ended it. Include yourself and your behavior or actions as well as those of your ex in these scenarios where it seems relevant.

Then examine each of those hypotheses in the light of what you know about your ex. Which one seems the most plausible? Which one seems to explain the most about how then relationship evolved and how it ended? 

That may be your best answer, or at least the best answer you are going to get. Use that to move toward some closure on the relationship and to regain some control over your life again, instead of being buffeted by all the questions and uncertainties you have.


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## Daniel

How Not to Care When People Don’t Like You
					


Everyone is disliked by someone. Don’t let it slow you down.





					getpocket.com
				




“People will try to achieve status, and a lot of time, whether they like you or don’t like you may have nothing to do with who you are.  We see this in all kinds of species. They preferentially tend to spend time, outside of mating, with either individuals who are similar to them in status, individuals who are similar to them in personality, individuals who are similar to them in some sort of way genetically, so, family.  So if you don’t have anything in common that is equally valuable to both parties, then you will likely be rejected. It’s kind of an inevitability.”

~ Jennifer Verdolin, PhD


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## Daniel

America Isn’t Awkward Enough
					


Ever since vaccines became available, people have been joking that the return to normal life would be awkward. After more than a year of relative isolation, so the





					www.zocalopublicsquare.org
				




We treat our fellow citizens as servants, as students, or simply as obstacles—choosing the comfort of clear hierarchical norms over the awkwardness of open-ended and unpredictable encounters with our equals. What is most important in life—and what we desperately need more of as a society—happens in those awkward in-between spaces that the rules did not anticipate.


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## Daniel

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
					


There are many books that promise to help you fix a bad relationship. This groundbreaking bestseller is the first one to help you choose whether you should even try—or if you need to go.Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you...




					www.google.com


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## Daniel

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."

~ Alice Walker


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## Daniel

“Attachment is a unifying principle that reaches from the biological depths of our being to its furthest spiritual reaches.”  

― Jeremy Holmes, _ John Bowlby and Attachment Theory _


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## Daniel

“All relationship systems become anxious. People put together and inevitably anxiety will arise. Anxiety can be infectious. We can give it to others or catch it from them. What precisely triggers anxiety is unique to each system. Common Activators are significant changes and losses. They upset the stable patterns and balance of the system.”  

  ―      Peter L. Steinke


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## Daniel

“Love, like life, is much stranger and far more complicated than one is brought up to believe.” 

― Kay Redfield Jamison, _ An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness _


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## Daniel

"I want minimum information given with maximum politeness."                              

~ Jackie Kennedy


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## Daniel

"It is difficult to overcome an attachment disorder probably largely because the individual feels so much distrust and ambivalence about close relationships but that doesn't mean there isn't hope for learning how to have successful relationships. Part of the process is becoming aware of what you do and how you are in close relationships and then working on how to inhibit your "automatic reactions" and restructure your interpretations and perceptions of your partner's actions and reactions."

~ David Baxter


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## Daniel

How To Break Toxic Relationship Patterns
					


Give yourself a chance for change





					getpocket.com
				




In looking for new ways to engage, one thing that can help is slowing down the conversation and speaking in longform. "As people get to know each other, they start to use efficient communication, where they assume they know what the other is about to say, what the other is thinking, what the other is feeling, because they’ve heard it before,” says Strong. Instead, focus on clearly conveying your whole emotional message and trying to hear the whole of the other person’s without perceiving it as an attack.


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## Daniel

Emotional security - Wikipedia
					







					en.wikipedia.org
				




Emotional insecurity or simply insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one's self-image or ego...

The fact that the majority of human beings are emotionally vulnerable, and have the capacity to be hurt, implies that emotional insecurity could merely be a difference in awareness.


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## Daniel

“Don’t Take It So Personally” Is the Ultimate Gaslighting Insult—According to Experts
					


The phrase “don’t take it so personally” might sound innocent enough, and is often used with the best of intentions, but it’s also used by gaslighters as a classic way of asserting control and spreading self-doubt in relationships.





					getpocket.com
				




The phrase “don’t take it so personally” might sound innocent enough, and is often used with the best of intentions, but it’s also used by gaslighters as a classic way of asserting control and spreading self-doubt in relationships.


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## Daniel

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."

~ Bob Marley


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## Daniel

“There’s nothing in our definition of success or maturity … that includes friendships.”

~ Niobe Way, author of _Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection_


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## Daniel

“We... heal ourselves by giving others what we most need.”  

― Sherry Turkle, _Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other_


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## Daniel

“Nobody enjoys the company of others as intensely as someone who usually avoids the company of others.” 

  ―      Mokokoma Mokhonoana


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## Daniel

It’s Okay to Be Needy in Romantic Relationships
					


Having a need for consistent connection with your partner is actually a sign of emotional maturity.





					www.shondaland.com
				




Someone who’s emotionally unavailable will read any attempts at connection as needy.


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## Daniel

How to Let Go of the Need for Approval
					


And live the life you want.





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




"Queen of social chameleons, I mastered the art of telling people what they wanted to hear and being someone they would find impressive—all the while worrying incessantly about what others thought of me, fearing criticism, and holding myself back as a result.”

_– _Sacha Crouch


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## Daniel

What to Do When You Feel Insecure
					


What to Do (and Not Do) When You Feel Insecure Savvy Psychologist March 16, 2018    Is your confidence the consistency of Jell-O? Do you feel like a  dandelion in a sea of orchids? Do you walk through the world with an  existential trombone accompaniment of wah-wah-wahhhhhhh?   The good news...




					forum.psychlinks.ca
				




Insecurity is inevitable. No place—and no one—is completely secure, from a supermax prison to Cheyenne Mountain to that guy in your office with perfect teeth and CEO hair. But you can minimize it by anchoring   yourself in your deepest values, your moments of integrity, and your   unique self.


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## Daniel

How I Stopped Feeling Unworthy of Love (And Finally Learned to Receive It)
					


How I Stopped Feeling Unworthy of Love (And Finally Learned to Receive It) by Briana MacWilliam, TinyBuddha.com May 28, 2021  “I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you’re strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t.” ~ Tiffany Tomiko  When I was in my early thirties, I briefly...




					forum.psychlinks.ca
				




The way to a partner’s heart is to make them feel safe enough to explore and experience their own authentic self.


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## Daniel

Why We All Just Need a Little Attention
					


A powerful need we ignore at great cost.





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




It is the small moments that count. When your partner calls you during the day, does your voice light up when you realize who's on the line, or does your tone of voice imply that they are interrupting more important tasks? When an employee or colleague walks through the door, do you put down the phone or close the computer to give them your full attention? If your child had a dentist appointment or was facing a challenge with a friend, do you remember to ask how things went? It is these small, non-trivial moments of attention—these positive rituals and routines we establish—that turn out to be the most powerful predictors of relationship success.


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## Daniel

“Men are raised in a way that makes it difficult to accept in themselves anything that might be called ‘weak,’ including those healthy dependency needs which you have to accept to be really close to someone else."

~ Harriet Lerner


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## Daniel

5 secrets of getting a man to open up
					


"I don't know what he's thinking because he never tells me what is going on."Sound familiar? In a recent poll, 42 percent of iVillage visitors say that they have a hard time getting their partner to share his feelings. When that happens, she feels shut out and he feels misunderstood. But in my...





					www.today.com
				




No one is entirely good and no one entirely bad. In fact, rather than seeing anyone as good or bad, it is more useful to notice the roles being played in the relationship and the ways in which all of us become stuck in patterns that we don't know how to get out of.


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## Daniel

"In the proffered services of the busybody there is much of the affectation of kind-heartedness, and little efficient aid."

~ Theophrastus


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## Daniel

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

― Jodi Picoult, _My Sister’s Keeper_


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## Daniel

Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle: For Some People, Intimacy Is Toxic
					


Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle: For Some People, Intimacy Is Toxic  November 21, 2006 By RICHARD A. FRIEDMAN, M.D., New York Times  It is practically an article of faith among psychotherapists that an intimate human relationship is good for you. None other than Freud himself once famously said that...




					forum.psychlinks.ca
				




"For some people, love and intimacy might not just be undesirable but downright toxic."

~ Richard Alan Friedman, M.D.


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## Daniel

Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents
					


Polarised politics and a growing awareness of how difficult relationships can impact our mental health are fuelling family estrangement, say psychologists.





					www.bbc.com
				




With political divisions centre-stage in many nations, as well as increasing individualism in cultures around the world, many experts believe the parent-child ‘break-up’ trend will stick around.

“My prediction is that it's either going to get worse or stay the same,” says Coleman. “Family relationships are going to be based much more on pursuing happiness and personal growth, and less on emphasising duty, obligation or responsibility.”

Pillemer argues that we shouldn’t rule out attempting to bridge rifts, however, particularly those stemming from opposing politics or values (as opposed to abusive or damaging behaviours).


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## Daniel

Does sibling rivalry ever end?
					


Most siblings fight and compete among each other as children. But for some, the conflict never ends.





					www.bbc.com
				




“As human beings, we’re oriented towards comparison.”

“The sibling relationship is unique and multifaceted and there are often just as many differences within families as there are between them.”

"The best predictor for your adult relationship is your childhood one, but there’s also room for change."


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## David Baxter PhD

Daniel said:


> Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents
> 
> 
> 
> Polarised politics and a growing awareness of how difficult relationships can impact our mental health are fuelling family estrangement, say psychologists.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.bbc.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> With political divisions centre-stage in many nations, as well as increasing individualism in cultures around the world, many experts believe the parent-child ‘break-up’ trend will stick around.
> 
> “My prediction is that it's either going to get worse or stay the same,” says Coleman. “Family relationships are going to be based much more on pursuing happiness and personal growth, and less on emphasising duty, obligation or responsibility.”
> 
> Pillemer argues that we shouldn’t rule out attempting to bridge rifts, however, particularly those stemming from opposing politics or values (as opposed to abusive or damaging behaviours).



I predict that it's either going to get worse or stay the same or get better.


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## Daniel

I guess the only other option is a rip in the fabric of space-time


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## Daniel

https://www.thecut.com/2019/01/why-does-it-always-seem-like-our-dentists-are-mad-at-us.html
		


Even in a controlled laboratory setting, people only accurately recognize simple emotions (like happiness, anger, fear, and disgust) about 70 or 80 percent of the time.


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## Daniel

Horrible parents: a survival guide
					


Growing up with a difficult parent can be crushing. Is it possible to recover? Absolutely say the founders of a new website that helps people move on





					www.theguardian.com
				




“The saddest thing we hear is from people who say: ‘I had such a difficult time with my own parents that I don’t dare risk becoming a parent myself.’”


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## Daniel

How Not to Care When People Don't Like You
					


At one point during high school, I found out that my  friends didn’t like me. One of the girls in my “group” told me I wasn’t  invited to a birthday party because “everyone” thought I was  annoying—which, to be honest, at 15 I probably was—and for months I was  ostracized. It took some time for...





					lifehacker.com
				




“Spending time with people that care about you can boost your self-esteem and help you to feel more secure.”


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## Daniel

Why We Say Hurtful Things We Don't Mean
					


How some people reject our worst impulses.





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




"There is something generous, mature, and wonderful about having another recognize the inauthenticity in our temporary little madnesses and refuse to believe that we truly mean the hurtful things we say in a momentary lapse of reason, someone whose view of us is firmly anchored in our deeper, truer tendencies, and who continues to know us even when we ourselves forget who we are."


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

A Shift in American Family Values Is Fueling Estrangement
					


Both parents and adult children often fail to recognize how profoundly the rules of family life have changed over the past half century.





					www.theatlantic.com
				




“Families in the past fought over tangible resources—land, inheritances, family property. They still do, but all this is aggravated and intensified by a mindset that does seem to be distinctive to our time. Our conflicts are often psychological rather than material—and therefore even harder to resolve.”

~ The historian Steven Mintz, the author of _Huck’s Raft: A History of American Childhood_


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## Daniel

“Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?”

“Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is about having; desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusiveness. It is less concerned with where it has already been than passionate about where it can still go. But too often, as couples settle into the comforts of love, they cease to fan the flame of desire. They forget that fire needs air.”

"Introducing uncertainty sometimes requires nothing more than letting go of the illusion of certitude. In this shift of perception, we recognize the inherent mystery of our partner."

― Esther Perel, _Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic_


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## Daniel

https://www.thecut.com/2022/01/mom-rage-leda-the-lost-daughter.html#_ga=2.255260747.2114217500.1642139182-1317885062.1634841428
		


It feels as if no one is, or can, empathize with us, the real-life moms...the ones who are simply mad at the relentlessness of modern motherhood, a role that demands a constant best while offering little assistance in achieving it.


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## Daniel

People in unhappy relationships are more likely to commit suicide
					


A new study published today in The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention found that those who have unhappy relationships with others are more likely to commit suicide.





					www.deseret.com
				




"Data so far clearly show that a person's suicide risk is lower if he/she is in a relationship. However, the recent study suggests that the level of satisfaction with the relationship is also important"...

Among middle-aged people, those who are unhappy but in an ongoing relationship — one where there are unresolved conflicts — are the most at risk for suicide.

In fact, the study said those in unhappy relationships become more suicidal or depressed if there are an extensive amount of unresolved conflicts in the relationship, like problems with a partner’s temperament, communication, bad habits, sexuality and housework...

A 2013 study out of the University of Ulster in Northern Ireland found that four out of five people who committed suicide in that area of the world had relationship issues before they died. The study said that 78 percent of those who died by suicide had a breakup or were going through relationship issues before their death.


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## Daniel

"If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

~  J. K. Rowling

Similarly:


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## Daniel

We’ve Reached Peak Wellness. Most of It Is Nonsense.
					


Here’s what actually works.





					getpocket.com
				




A recent poll from the market research company YouGov found that 30 percent of millennials say they feel lonely and 22 percent said they have zero friends. This is hugely problematic, and a trend we all, together, must work to reverse*.*


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## Daniel

5 simple tips to help you have a real conversation with a teen
					


A quick guide to get beyond “Fine” and “Whatever,” from child psychologist Shelja Sen.




					ideas.ted.com
				



Avoid these two words: “let’s talk.”​It seems like the most natural way to start a conversation. But when we say “Let’s talk” to our teenagers, alarm bells go off in their brains and the shutters come down, making it pretty much impossible for a meaningful conversation to happen. Instead, hang around them in a non-demanding or -threatening way before saying anything. At times, I’ll take a book and just plunk myself on a chair in my daughter’s room. Invariably, she’s the one who starts a conversation. Look for your chat window — it might be while you’re driving them to their friend’s home, working in the kitchen or brushing the dog.


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## Daniel

7 Characteristics of Positive Relationships
					


Studies show that positive relationships have a tremendous impact on your overall health, happiness, and life satisfaction.





					www.brides.com
				




"Great relationships are built, not discovered.  It’s all about putting in the work to build a great relationship, and then keeping it great."

~ Logan Ury


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## Daniel

Publications — Dr. Michelle Drouin
					







					www.drmichelledrouin.com
				




When most of our interactions are through social media, we are taking tiny hits of dopamine rather than the huge shots of oxytocin that an intimate in-person relationship would provide.


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## Daniel

What Do We Mean by Personal Relationships? | Taking Charge of Your Health & Wellbeing
					


In our model, personal relationships refer to close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions.





					www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu


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## Daniel

“Don't live life like an apology. Be yourself unapologetically.”

“When we let go of our reactions and detach from other people's moods, actions, and words, we take back our power. Instead of reactors, we become self-determined actors in our lives. We take charge of ourselves and decide how we act in that moment and every moment, skyrocketing our self-esteem.”

― Darlene Lancer, author of _Codependency for Dummies_


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## Daniel

3 Reasons Why It's OK for Couples to Argue
					


It's all about the repair process.





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




Mindreading and avoidance are not effective tools to deal with marital issues and problems.

When it comes to mind reading and conflict avoidance, nobody does it better than people who were raised in emotionally neglectful families. Having missed the opportunity to observe emotionally healthy arguing between their parents or to participate in resolving family issues in a direct and emotionally aware way, these individuals typically rely on the primary skill available to them: avoid conflict altogether.


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## Daniel

Lengthy Marriage Now Includes Threats and Ill Will - Dear Abby
					


DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old man, married for 25 years. My wife is older than me. In the beginning, it was great, but our relationship slowly started fail...





					www.uexpress.com
				




If marriage counseling "isn't an option," it doesn't mean you can't get psychological counseling to help you become emotionally stronger.


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## Daniel

How Bipolar Has Influenced My Cycle of Friendships | bpHope.com
					


Every new bipolar cycle introduces me to a new set of friends—and a new disconnect from society. Bipolar Mood Swings & Friendship I used to have a lot





					www.bphope.com
				




"Every new bipolar cycle introduces me to a new set of friends—and a new disconnect from society."

"Will that nihilistic voice ever go away? Or is it simply a part of me now? Going through bipolar cycles is like traveling to other dimensions."

~ April Michael


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## Daniel

How Introverts Can Keep People From Taking Over Their Lives
					


How Introverts Can Keep People From Taking Over Their Lives By Liz Greene  November 2, 2017  I used to have a terrible time vocalizing my introverted  needs to family and friends. Telling them that I needed time alone ? or that I couldn?t come to their last-minute party because I didn?t feel...




					forum.psychlinks.ca
				




 "It’s vital you set clear expectations with your family and friends — and even your roommates — as to what you need as an introvert."


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## Daniel

The philosopher who resisted despair
					


Albert Camus and the search for solace in a cruel age.





					www.vox.com
				




"We’re all rolling our boulders up a hill and...life is most meaningful when we push together."  ~  Sean Illing


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## Daniel

"Never pick a fight with your partner in a moving vehicle."

~ Judge Judy


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## Daniel

“If we create networks with the sole intention of getting something, we won’t succeed. We can’t pursue the benefits of networks; the benefits ensue from investments in meaningful activities and relationships.”

― Adam Grant, PhD, _Give and Take_


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## Daniel

“Entrepreneurs who kept their day jobs had 33 percent lower odds of failure than those who quit.” 

― Adam Grant, PhD, _Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World _


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## Daniel

The Three A's of Relationship: Acceptance, Accommodation and Assertiveness
					


The Three A's of Relationship: Acceptance, Accommodation and Assertiveness by Dr. Dan Bochner   Once you have fallen in love - that is, once you’ve become infatuated and obsessed with your partner - and once you start slipping into the less tumultuously blissful period of relationship in which...





					forum.psychlinks.ca
				




"The three A’s, acceptance, accommodation and assertiveness, are the hallmarks of a good relationship."


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## Daniel

Cultural humility - Wikipedia
					







					en.wikipedia.org
				




Cultural humility is the “ability to maintain an interpersonal stance that is other-oriented in relation to aspects of cultural identity that are most important to the [person].”


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

“Friends are God's way of apologizing for your family.”

― Wayne W. Dyer, _The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way_


“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.”

“In any relationship in which two people become one, the end result is two half people.”

“When you're at peace with yourself and love your self, it is virtually impossible to do things to yourself that are destructive.”

― Wayne W. Dyer


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

"Learning about anger, violence and narcissism and the darker side of human nature help prepare us for the real world as it is. Your children need this information on avoiding toxic friends and setting boundaries with those who take advantage of them. And good-minded, codependent people need to understand that too much kindness and empathy towards self-involved, destructive people can harm them."

~ Lynne Namka, Ed. D.


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## Daniel

Anger Always Makes Sense
					


What are three key ways to understand unprovoked anger?





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




The angry person was _already_ frustrated, disappointed, irritated, etc. by something you said or did—but keeping a stiff upper lip, held their fire. Why? Probably because their reinforcement history “programmed” them to avoid conflict whenever possible. Still, this latest provocation in a _series _of felt provocations may—however petty in itself—have been more than enough to set them aflame. Though they refrained from expressing it earlier, their anger build-up was well underway _before_ this latest perceived affront.

On the other hand, it may well be that you _hadn’t_ provoked the angry person earlier. But someone else did. And now that anger is being redirected toward you. Too many of us hold things in and don’t let the person we’re presently engaged with know that we’re battling a bad mood—whether because of something specific that happened at work, or some insensitive or aggressive remark that another made to us, or some more general setback, failure, or defeat. Frankly, it could be _anything_ that got to us and struck us as unfair or made us feel vulnerable. As I’ve pointed out in other posts for _Psychology Today_ (see, especially, here), anger can function as a robust defense against feelings of powerlessness. So if a person seems much too quick to blow their top, they may—_before _their encounter with you—have somehow been made to feel weak or defenseless.

In such scenarios it’s essential that you not take the other person’s words personally...


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## David Baxter PhD

^^^ I agree 100%. A lot of times, the anger is triggered by something other than what you did or said, or didn't say or do.

It's also often the case that it is driven by mood (depression). The common theme of powerlessness and/or frustration is in effect in such cases. You're just in the right place at the wrong time.

Stopping to consider these things before expressing your anger as a reaction to the other person's "anger" is essential to prevent escalation.


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## Daniel

6 Rules for Happy Birthday Etiquette in the Age of Facebook
					


Calling preferred, texting permitted: Friends you made in the past five years.





					time.com
				




It should go without saying—but it doesn’t—that you call your mother, your aunt and anyone you are related to on their birthday. Don’t leave messages (ever, really, but especially not on someone’s special day). You’re not as busy as you think—try them again.


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## Daniel

Op-Ed: Moving in with your parents could be good for America
					


It’s possible that multigenerational housing arrangements, created by socioeconomic pressures, could result in more tolerance for divergent views.





					www.latimes.com
				




Adult children living with their parents in multigenerational households is certainly not a panacea and runs against an almost century-long, post-Depression norm of moving out of family homes in young adulthood. But given new socioeconomic pressures, it’s possible that multigenerational housing arrangements could result in more tolerance for divergent views. In a society full of echo chambers, political polarization and deep mistrust, that might be a very good thing.


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## Daniel

Amazon product

"People do escape high conflict. Individuals—even entire communities—can short-circuit the feedback loops of outrage and blame, if they want to."


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## Daniel

“Nobody chooses dysfunction, conflict, pain. Nobody chooses insanity. They happen because there is not enough presence in you to dissolve the past, not enough light to dispel the darkness. You are not fully here. You have not woken up yet. In the meantime, the conditioned mind is running your life.” 

― Margaret Nash, _Drop the Drama!: How to Get along With Everybody, All the Time_


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## Daniel

One way to get people to be less defensive:









						How to get better at speaking up in the moment
					


Learning how to push back can be hard. But it’s something you can get better at, with practice.





					www.fastcompany.com
				




“Questions force people to give you the permission that you are seeking versus being confrontational, pushy, and direct. It gives people the opportunity to course correct and gain awareness of their behavior. And it helps protect your reputation.”


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## Daniel

Why Do Narcissists Lose Popularity Over Time?
					


New research shows why narcissists become less popular over time.





					blogs.scientificamerican.com
				




Narcissists cyclically return to the emerging zone because they are addicted to the positive social feedback and emotional rush they get from this zone. They _live_ in this zone. As a result, they are good at being popular, making new friends, and acquiring social status, but are really quite terrible at sustaining anything meaningful and intimate.


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## Daniel

Attention Is the Most Basic Form of Love
					


Attention Is the Most Basic Form of Love by James V. Cordova, Ph.D., Psychology Today  May 6, 2011 Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it we bless and are blessed. ~ John Tarrant Intimacy's secret is simple.    There is an epidemic ravaging the health and happiness of American...




					forum.psychlinks.ca
				




"Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it we bless and are blessed."

_~ _John Tarrant


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

Why is it so hard to make new friends when you're older?
					


Hopes&Fears answers questions with the help of people who know what they’re talking about. Today we asked psychologists and relationship experts about growing lonely with age.





					www.hopesandfears.com
				




"Numerous studies show that what we think we need to have in common with others in order to be friends with them just isn’t so; rather, what makes the biggest difference is repetition, or proximity. We bond with those whom we are more likely to see consistently. It’s why we are more likely to become friends with people at work that otherwise we’d probably never hang out with again if we just met them. We see them regularly and that makes all the difference."


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