# Suicidal?



## Ashley-Kate (May 6, 2011)

What exacly is the definition of being suicidal? is it thinking of it, because well lets face it everyone has once in there lives thought of ending it all not necessarly doing it but just considered the option. So i am guessing that that is not the requirements to be considered suicidal. But the Is it thinking about it more as a possibility an option eventually considered suicidal or is that simply being depressed and not seeing anything positive in ones life. Is suicidal really thinking of it every day considering it as the only option. And if that is suicidal what are the requirement to be hospitalised if you are in fact suicidal. Is it when you have determined a plan or is it before that and how to know whats before that moment. I understand that once someone has chosen a date it is considered "dangerous" yet then again I am confused because my therapist or psychiatrist doesn'T seem to be alarmed by my current state of depression or being suicidal.  I find that she sort of doesn'T care. She knows my plan or somewhat of a plan yet seeings how i was very aware the yesterday and she seems to find me very inteligent i feel that she trusted me inspight of knowing that my next appointment with her would be after the date she knows about, so i don't get it. I don't understand how she can feel comfortable with letting me go on my way when i am freaking out and i am not comfortable with it and i am frustrated with the fact that I am alone in this because she didn't take the time to understand.


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## forgetmenot (May 6, 2011)

*Re: suicidal?*

suicidal is a plan of intent to take your life 
 thinking of it everday is and should be taken seriously  
 If you feel this way you go to hospital and you get someone there to hear okay  to help you.  As i said before it is better to have someone with you to fight to get you help you need an advocate.  
 If you feel you are going to harm yourself Ashley-Kate please call crisis line  or go to the emergency dept of your hospital and get help  
Make the HEAR you okay   
 Your therapist made the date after the time you said on purpose to keep you here okay  she is trying to get you through that time knowing she will be there for you but you have to hold on.    Call crisis okay please don't fight this alone if you are that low 
  I understand i do the suicidal feelings there so often myself   but you know what  i do I call crisis line  every time now when i am that low because i do not want to harm my family by going thru with my plan.  
 You get help too okay  crisis line does help  get ones  distorted thoughts straight   It is okay to call them to go in for help okay just do it  Ashley okay get help for YOU


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## Ashley-Kate (May 6, 2011)

are they realy distorted thoughts. I understand that it is not "okay" to think this way yet can we trully say they are distorted. Can it not be perceived as logic in itself, to think that one lives a stress in there life witch caused anxiety wich leads to depression and then to thinking of suicidal. is it not logical to see that someone goes through so much  is it not normal for that person to think or contemplate suicide is it not normal that sometimes life hands us too much and we just can't handle it.  I am currently not home i am at family and i am watched I don't feel that the date i set will be an issue do to the fact that it is very close and that i am around people constantly what worries me is that once i pass that date i feel like i should not be alive like any little thing will push me over because i decided to live just a little longuer.


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## forgetmenot (May 6, 2011)

Any thoughts of taken ones life prematurely is distorted thoughts yes   i know the pressures of being overwhelmed it does push you to a line  and before one gets to close  you have to reach out because the closer you get to that line the thoughts become more illogical  the reasons become to real  your mind tell you all kinds of things that are just not true.    When suicide is involved there is no logic none at all  and the only ones that suffer in the end Ashley-Kate is the ones left behind    I know you would never want that kind of pain for you family  so please  if you are suffering so greatly  then tell your family to take you to hospital and get you the help you need   There is NO logic  not when it comes to suicidal ideation   no logic at all.


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## David Baxter PhD (May 6, 2011)

One of the problems with suicidal thinking is that at the time to the person who is having them they do seem logical and rational. But as Spirit has said, yes, they are pretty much always distortions of objective reality. The proof of that statement is that anyone who is not suicidally depressed can look at the circumstances and see alternatives; the suicidal person doesn't see those alternatives. When you are suicidal, your thinking is black-and-white, categorical, pessimistic, hopeless, and that is not realistic thinking by any obvjective sense.

The other evidence I'd site is that most people who attempt suicide and "fail" eventually are thankful that the attempt failed.

Just like eating disoprders, suicidal thinking is mostly about control and escaping that feeling of hopelessness and being trapped. So gfar, you've learned how deceptive ED can be in distorting your thoughts and perceptions. Depression and suicidal thinking does  much the same thing.


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## Ashley-Kate (May 6, 2011)

I guess living with an eating disorder for 12 years has gotten me used to it and i can pin point wich thought is from the e-d and wich one is from me. In  temrs of suicidal thinking i guess i have never been to this point suicidal before, i have attempted suicide in the past but i guess as a teenager i was quite naive and didn't really think it through. Now i feel that seeings how it is thought through i did try therapy i did try opening up i did try not working and i have really tried a lot and it's not workign at all i feel that rationnaly i have made attempts to live and they were unseccessful therefore why try.  I understand to a certain extent that this is not me that i donT want my familly to go through the pain of losing someone yet i feel betrayed by everyone around me at the same time that want me to live when i feel that if only they knew what was really going on in my head and body they would not ask me to fight.


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## forgetmenot (May 6, 2011)

Having an anchor something to hold on to in that dark time i find helps   my anchor is my family and knowing i can never harm them  so far it has helped  i hope you find that anchor too okay and don't let your illness or depression take you okay  hold on to what matters  your family.  sorry Ashley Kate  but they would ask you to fight because they love you and do not want you to leave.  I am understanding the want to have to pain and sadness the disappointment the hopelessness feeling gone   but  that will come in time all those things will eventually become less  with meds and treatment.


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## Ashley-Kate (May 6, 2011)

I am simply so tired.  I am sorry.  It's hard, it's hard to feel so alone inspight of family and friends to feel alone in my head its hard when no one has the slightess clue why i am the way i am living in this lie and not being able to open up to them about it is hard and feeling ditched by a psychologist that i trusted is also hard. cause i feel like i will be alone with this forever.

---------- Post added at 03:22 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:45 AM ----------

I guess the fact that i know all of this stuff i know the hole "when, where and how" dangers of suicidal people, I know all of this because i studied in pschology for 2 years and i know that my mind is messed up and the fact that i know it makes me feel like i have more of a grasp on it and therefore my analysing is somewhat clearer than someone that is suicidal but doesn'T have this knowledge.  I know if i was my psychiatrist at the moment i would have not let me leave yesterdays appointment i would have admitted me as soon as i mentionned a date anda complete plan yet she didn't and so thats when i feel like me knowing all of this in some way reasures her about my mental state yet it freaks me out even more because i feel like my head is even more clear and therefore i am making a conscouis decision.. I  do plan on surviving till my appointment wednesday and i am doing everything in my power to do so but after that ai really need to feel that i have some kind of security in some kind of therapy. I called my old psychologist today and left a message informing him about the plan to only see me every 2 weeks vs what he had offered an appointment every other day i will see if he responds this comming week


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## forgetmenot (May 7, 2011)

I hope he responds soon   being in the professional field in a way is harder i think  we over analyse  we try to work things out in our heads but it doesn't always come out like we think it should come out.   Your go to your meeting and you tell your doctor quite clearly what you have told us that every two weeks is not enough .   You need more support  you make this person hear you okay really here you.    In the meantime you still have hope in that you have called your old doctor  and i hope you get some response.    You are still fighting way to go Ashley-Kate    I know you are tired that is why i think you should let your family members help you fight okay  take them to your next meeting with you   Maybe your parents will help you get the doctor to increase your appts       I hope you get the security in place you need to move forward    Let us know how things go okay    You are not alone  you have PL to come to okay and vent and put out your thoughts here so others can help you see if these thoughts are indeed distorted or not.   Take care


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