# Feeling depression again



## Into The Light (Nov 11, 2007)

i think depression's slowly creeping back into my life again, and it's not something i'm too pleased about (who would be...). today i felt like there was no point in doing anything. lately i've been able to identify distorted thinking, and able to get around it, but today i felt a lack of interest in life and i had a hard time changing that. i've been tired and lacking in energy for a while now. i found today discouraging actually because it seemed to have a somewhat stronger hold of me.

i really don't want to go back into that state of mind. it's just so hard fighting it off though when it's there.

i don't know, i suppose this is just more of the same. how do you motivate yourself to just ignore the feeling that nothing's worth doing and do something anyway? i've been through much worse than this and i honestly wonder how i managed to do it.

anyway i guess i'm just venting a bit here, i'm frustrated with this and i don't want to head down this path. i hate having a lack of interest in life, of life being colourless, and having a lack of motivation.

hopefully tomorrow's a bit better.


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## Daniel (Nov 11, 2007)

> how do you motivate yourself to just ignore the feeling that nothing's worth doing and do something anyway? i've been through much worse than this and i honestly wonder how i managed to do it.



One formula that I recently read: 

Performance = Motivation x Habituation

So even if motivation is very small, it's still possible to get by on habit.  

When one is feeling better, trying to build up endurance by doing a little more than usual can then, in principle, make it easier and more habitual to perform actions when motivation/energy is less.  

Another idea is Neil Fiore's unschedule principle which is used with people who have procrastination issues.  I think this idea can also benefit people with depression since I find it beneficial.  The idea is to take away resentment that life seems like all work and no play.  So one schedules all the fun stuff first -- or at least the stuff that seems pleasantly distracting like watching a movie.  Only after one has scheduled time away for the "fun" things does one even consider scheduling time for the stuff that seems necessary like chores.

I also find my MP3 player and my stereo system to be energizing.

Lastly, there are entire psychology textbooks on motivation, but I haven't had the motivation to read them yet


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## ladylore (Nov 12, 2007)

Hey LB,

I am wondering what is happening in your life right now? What are the stressors - good and not so good.

I am asking this because of an experience I had today at my step-group. One member came in crying because someone she had recently started to see broke up with her. As the afternoon wore on she said she had also been very sick with food poisoning, to the point she had to ask someone to look after her kids for a couple of days. And her father was admitted into the hospital. It made sense.

I know you are a private person LB, but sharing some details may help also help just to get it out there. It can also assist us to understand a bit better what is happening and to assist you. Its why I do share details with here, because it has proven to be a safe place to do so.

The book Daniel mentioned has been recommended time and again so I think I am going out to buy myself a copy. Thanks Daniel


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## sister-ray (Nov 12, 2007)

Ladybug,

Sorry to hear your feeling depressed, I can relate been feeling that way too myself,, I really think its the time of year, dark nights/mornings and dark days too, yesterday was dull and I really didnt feel like doing anything, today is sunny but cold yet I feel brighter and have been busy round the flat,, daniels right about music helping, and I also find movies and series which are full of action good, if you realy get into them, I hope your feeling better today:hug::hug:


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## Into The Light (Nov 12, 2007)

thank you daniel for your input. i'll have to let that sink in a bit. you seem to be a seasoned veteran when it comes to dealing with depression and your input is quite helpful.



> Lastly, there are entire psychology textbooks on motivation, but I haven't had the motivation to read them yet


:lol: well what are you waiting for  i'll bookmark it and maybe at some point i will get to it. i have so much on my to do list, we'll have to see.

ladylore: i think the reduction in daylight is having some impact on me. also i am doing some work in therapy but for the moment i don't really see a link there. maybe it is there in a subtle way and i just don't see it, who knows, i'll ask my therapist about it next time.

there is so much i want taken care of and/or that needs to be done but it just overwhelms me, then i get discouraged. a lot of it is responsibilities and obligations and i find it hard dealing with that sometimes, especially obligations, i just sometimes can't deal with having to socialize when i'm not in the mood. it makes me feel like i have no control.

thanks tte, you're right about all of it, and i know this stuff, but yesterday it didn't seem to matter. i seem to be feeling much better today despite a night of broken sleep, i have a plan, i realize that my downfall is the weekends when i decide to relax and not do anything and it ends up making me depressed. i really need structure and i find it hard to put that in place, but today i am going to sit down and figure out a schedule for me for my days off that i will try to follow, to keep me from falling back into that depressive state.


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## ladylore (Nov 12, 2007)

> there is so much i want taken care of and/or that needs to be done but it just overwhelms me, then i get discouraged. a lot of it is responsibilities and obligations and i find it hard dealing with that sometimes, especially obligations, i just sometimes can't deal with having to socialize when i'm not in the mood. it makes me feel like i have no control.
> 
> thanks tte, you're right about all of it, and i know this stuff, but yesterday it didn't seem to matter. i seem to be feeling much better today despite a night of broken sleep, i have a plan, i realize that my downfall is the weekends when i decide to relax and not do anything and it ends up making me depressed. i really need structure and i find it hard to put that in place, but today i am going to sit down and figure out a schedule for me for my days off that i will try to follow, to keep me from falling back into that depressive state.



These are reasons for feeling depressed then. Sometimes there is and sometimes there isn't. But it does sound you may have a bit on your plate.

It looks like you have figured out what to do about the weekends. 

In regards to socializing and obligations. Is there anything here you can delegate or let go of? Are you socializing with people you really don't want to have around and don't really need to? Its more complicated if its work related. The hardest question (at least for me) are there rifts within some of these relationships that need attention? Correcting rifts, arguments can be difficult at first but if they care about you, talking things out can be a great gift.

Anyways, thanks for allowing me to indulge here a bit. You have a great head on your shoulders. 

:hug:


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## Into The Light (Nov 12, 2007)

the socializing and obligations are already at a minimum, and reducing it even more would result in hurt feelings, if it hasn't already, and that's not my intent. it's just that right now i just have my own needs that i don't want to ignore, even if they are somewhat depression related. i guess i struggle with guilt for not living up to expectations of others, but i just for the most part can't make myself do these things anyway, i'll just have to find a way to deal with this, and hopefully if my mood lifts i can manage socializing again.


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## ladylore (Nov 12, 2007)

Hang in there and in the meantime a couple of these may help. :hug::hug: I experience SAD too. So you may just need to ride this one out.


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## Into The Light (Nov 12, 2007)

thank you


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## Cat Dancer (Nov 12, 2007)

I hope you feel much better soon. 

:hug: :hug:


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## gooblax (Nov 12, 2007)

:hug: I hope so too. Take care.


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## Into The Light (Nov 12, 2007)

thank you both. it's an ongoing thing. i had hoped to be over it by now. i get a little worried that it's never quite going to be gone but it might be too soon to come to that conclusion. i still have a bit of work to do in therapy first. strange how my outlook on life can shift so much.


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## sister-ray (Nov 13, 2007)

Hi Ladybug,

I hope your feeling a bit better today, I structure my day even tho I dont work, I plan what to do each day and try to keep too it it does help, write down a list of things that you need to do, or just want to do for fun plan a time you will do them or a time they have to be done by, plan your breaks to and something fun so you have something to look forward too like watching a dvd or something!!:hug:


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## Into The Light (Nov 13, 2007)

thanks tte. i had a rough start today, feeling lower than i have in a long time. however, at the end of the morning i tried a cbt mood log and it seemed to help me break away from the depressed feelings. the day turned out quite positive after that.

i just have to remember to do the mood logs when i am low. for some reason i tend to forget that.


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## BluMac81 (Dec 26, 2007)

I have been feeling the same way ladybug. 
I've been so incredibly busy for the past few months (moving to another state, new job, etc.)...
Every day trying so hard, constantly living with a great pain inside but ignoring it. And along with the pain grows a hatred and disdain for the world for being the way it is... for myself, for being the way I am. 
Today, on Christmas day, after a long succession of disappointments and hardships (yet acting like everything is fine)... I broke down and cried.

I feel the darkness creeping back into my heart and don't know if I'm strong enough to fight it off this time...

So needless to say I know how you feel... but one hope I cling to, and that I hope you will cling to as well... is that 'this too will pass'... the only thing certain in life is that things will change. Always hang in there, just a little longer, and never give up....

-Matt


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## Into The Light (Dec 26, 2007)

hi matt, thanks for your post. it's been a while since i started this thread and i wanted to tell you things have changed for the better for me. a lot of it i contribute to my ongoing therapy. in any case i just wanted to tell you to take your own words to heart:



> So needless to say I know how you feel... but one hope I cling to, and that I hope you will cling to as well... is that 'this too will pass'... the only thing certain in life is that things will change. Always hang in there, just a little longer, and never give up....



because it _is_ true - this too shall pass, things _do_ change, and are never permanent. i sometimes think of our moods as being like the weather... most days are pretty ok, some days are rainy, some cloudy, once in a while there's a storm. but in the end the sun always comes back. the weather is ever changing and so are our moods. you are never stuck for good even if it feels that way.

moving is incredibly stressful and i find that stress triggers depression in me. i think and hope that once things settle down a bit for you that you can relax a bit and that you'll start to feel better. let us know how you're doing.


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## Philos (Dec 26, 2007)

ladybug and folks, 

Just to let you know that I've been reading this thread and sending a few supportive vibes (from my rather thin supply!)

Hope it lifts for you soon. 

P.


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