# when will it end?



## AMT (Aug 22, 2005)

a few things here have helped me, but i just feel lost. I can't concentrate on anything anymore as i have constant daydreams of killing myself and so that i don't have to endure this pain anymore and sometimes daydreams where noone cares about it. I try to push it to the back of my mind but it always re-surfaces. I only have 4 years of high school left, 2 of which in 6th form, but even that seems unbearable. I keep on slitting my wrists and i dont know why. i just feel so shit sometimes, i grab the nearest sharp object. Will this ever end?


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## Heather (Aug 22, 2005)

Oh honey,

I am so sorry that you feel like this, look I will tell you my story I dunno if it will help but I hope it will.

I was abused as a child basically anyway this caused me to hate myself and I kept cutting my wrists and other parts of the body to relieve some of the pain, I am now 23 and while on the odd occassion I still go back to old habits it isn't very often and most of the time I am able to re-direct myself and stop myself from doing it.

What I am trying to say is firstly you need some help and secondly hang in there, it does get better even when it feels hopeless.

Heather...


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## AMT (Aug 22, 2005)

I will try to get help soon but i just can't see it getting any better... whenever i think of the future it just seems so hopeless - i can't see this ever getting any better. maybe this will change if i get a therapist or something but i just don't see it happening. I just feel so empty, like theres nothing there anymore, and that itself just makes me hate myself even more, which is partly why i slit my wrists- because i hate myself so much. will therapy really help?


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 22, 2005)

Yes. It will definitely help.


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## Jesse910 (Aug 22, 2005)

Dear AMT:

I wish that I could take you in my arms and rock away the pain and tell you that everything was going to be all right.  However, I cannot do that because I'm not with you and then there's the fact that we don't know each other.  However, I have attempted suicide on three separate occasions.  During those times of wanting to die, nothing mattered to me.  I didn't care about anything and I was completely consumed by emotional and physical pain.  Death looked very promising.  What I failed to realize in those moments was that I had forgotten to invite other people in to be with me.  I had forgotten that while I was hurting, other people had incredible strength and endurance.  They could help me go the distance in spite of how I felt.  My friends and mother rallied with me through the difficult times until I was able to trust my therapist enough to talk about all the crap that I was dealing with.

If you are at a loss right now as to who to call, CALL ANYBODY.  Right now, you are in crisis.  YOU NEED ASSISTANCE RIGHT NOW TODAY.  You don't have to have it all together to get help. 

Dying is final.  You can't come back and redo what has been done.  My suicide attempts were years ago.  Yet, when I look back, even though I still wrestle with depression and suicidual thoughts periodically, I do not allow myself to give up and neither should you.  You have the right to be cared for and loved.  You have the right to be helped.  You took the first step today when you sent out your SOS.  Please do not give up.  You are worth so much more even if you do not feel it.

I care and I know that others care as well.  If you need to write back, please do.

Jesse910.


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