# Aussie Humor



## Daniel




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## Daniel




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## gooblax

Daniel said:


>


:yuck:


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## GaryQ

Had to look that one up “vegemite” to be sure and true enough discovered it’s exactly what I thought: An Aussie version of English Marmite.

Therefore I agree with gooblax
 :yuck:

Marmite looks like black tar and tastes like what you would expect black tar with salt to taste like as far as I’m concerned. Brings back the memory of the traumatizing experience I had when I actually,  or rather stupidly, tasted English marmite. Take my word on this one; it’s not in a very small container for nothing! It doesn’t take much at all to know whether your taste buds like it or not! You know where my taste buds stand on the subject 

Now, David Baxter being an “imported Brit” probably loves the stuff like I love Poutine


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## gooblax

Vegemite + cheese + cracker = best combo for vegemite
It's also alright adding a dollop to soup or spag bol.

However I find that I only want a very small amount - it took me about 4 years to miss it and buy a jar when I moved away from home, and 2 years later that jar isn't even 1/4 used (including when my parents have visited, and they're more into it than I am).


(Opening the jar and smelling it did make my mouth start to water though! mg


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## GaryQ

^^^^ Confirming my previous comment stating: Trust me on this one! it only takes a tiny bit! Except it’s definitely not a “mouth watering” effect it had on me :yikes: 

mg: Is true... followed immediately by 

And although I have never tasted Vegemite the Wikipedia comment: “like marmite”, which I have tasted, is sufficient to confirm that if it was even just a tiny bit like marmite, (but it’s pretty much the same thing)  my previous statement stands:  :yikes:


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## Daniel

Wonder what this tastes like:

VEGEMITE Breakfast Pizza - Start with VEGEMITE


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## David Baxter PhD

GaryQ said:


> Now, David Baxter being an “imported Brit” probably loves the stuff like I love Poutine



Absolutely not. Tried it once. Don't need to try it again.


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## Daniel

I assume they give it to Australians only to enhance their odds of survival in fighting off all the wild animals.


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## Daniel




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## gooblax

Russel Coight's All Aussie Adventures is very informative


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## Daniel

Case in point:


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## Daniel




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## Daniel




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## gooblax

I have definitely perfected the art of the "two (heaped) teaspoons" of milo


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## David Baxter PhD

I do the same with cocoa. 

Width and length dependent on the spoon.

Height dependent only on gravity and steadiness of hand.


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## GaryQ

Yep, and there be days when you “accidentally” lose count. 
Did i put one or two? Must be just one, let’s add another


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

Magpies?


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## Daniel

Or magpie drones.


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## Daniel




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## gooblax

The alcoholic drink you never knew you needed to try:

*You can now buy Vegemite-on-toast flavoured alcohol in Australia
*URL: https://www.bhg.com.au/vegemite-alcohol-archie-rose-distillery
Better Homes and Gardens
03 MAY 2019


A 'mitey' fine spirit. - by Laura Barry



Vegemite is a spread that can divide families. Some love it, some hate it, others are fair-weather Vegemite eaters. Regardless, Vegemite is undeniably Australian, and award-winning Australian distillery Archie Rose has transformed this classic breakfast spread into a spirit.


Available for purchase online and from independent bars and bottle shops from May 8, ArchieMite is a buttered-toast spirit that uses Pepe Saya butter, Sonoma sourdough toast and a mixture of ‘mite’ spreads during the distilling process to create an umami-packed liquer that seems oddly breakfast-appropriate.


According to the website, this is what you can expect from the taste.
_“This unaged spirit has a big, mitey character at the front followed by biscuity, bready notes. On the palate you’re given a combination of all three elements coming together - buttery, almost warm, crisp-edged toast with that umami-rich, savoury mite flavour.”_

If you want to experience this new spirit in all its glory, visit the Archie Rose Bar on a weekend between May 11 and June 2 to enjoy a Mitey Brunch from 12pm to 2pm Saturday and Sundays, where you’ll discover a range of ArchieMite cocktails.


ArchieMite is a limited edition creation by Archie Rose distillery, and only 3000 bottles will be available for purchase, so you’ll have to get in quick if you want to own this iconic drink yourself. Prices online start at $79 a bottle.


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## David Baxter PhD

You will be posting a review for us, right?


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## Daniel

> Prices online start at $79 a bottle.



Hurry before they sell out!!!!  

$56 USD is a small price to pay for toast-tasting alcohol


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## gooblax

:lol: Somehow I think I'll miss out on this one, unfortunately.


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## David Baxter PhD

But @gooblax! It's toast flavored! Unexpired toast! With vegemite!


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## GaryQ

> Prices online* start* at $79 a bottle.​



mg:


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## Daniel

Well, when the cost of living is so low, discretionary expenses are more affordable.

Cost of breakfast:  20 cents (e.g. Australian coffee w/ Vegemite on toast)

Cost of lunch: 40 cents (e.g. Milo drink w/ Vegemite toast)

Cost of dinner: 20 cents (e.g. Australian water w/ Vegemite rice)

Snacks:  free (depending on available wildlife)


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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel

Aussie Canuck:

How good was that video, eh?


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## gooblax

That was gold  :lol:
Not a single extraneous "crikey" either


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## GaryQ

Good thing the camera was behind and not facing "Sheila" or we'd probably gotten a view of her "root canal"
Is it just me or did anyone else find it quite "interesting" for a woman who's dress looked more like a short sweater, had a lot of cue cards that were sexual in nature?


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## gooblax

:lol: I did think her dress was a bit short for sitting down in, although I won't comment too much on it since it's what some people choose to wear. Whatever floats their boat if they're comfortable with it.

But the choice of cue cards seems fairly reasonable to me because:

Presumably it's for a late night show where people expect that sort of humour, and
Some of Australia's best/funniest slang is to do with sexual stuff or uses swear words. I imagine from a longer stack of cue cards the producers just took the funniest ones or most amusing responses.


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## Daniel

It's also on a basic cable channel (TBS).

Fun fact:  

"Most reruns shown on TBS are broadcast in a compressed format, with content sped up to accommodate additional time slots for advertising sales."     
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TBS_(U.S._TV_channel)


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## GaryQ

gooblax said:


> :lol: I did think her dress was a bit short for sitting down in, although I won't comment too much on it since it's what some people choose to wear. Whatever floats their boat if they're comfortable with it.
> 
> But the choice of cue cards seems fairly reasonable to me because:
> 
> Presumably it's for a late night show where people expect that sort of humour, and
> Some of Australia's best/funniest slang is to do with sexual stuff or uses swear words. I imagine from a longer stack of cue cards the producers just took the funniest ones or most amusing responses.



The cue cards alone were nothing it's the correlation between the two. And the way she was sitting. I know it's late night stuff just found it quite amusing although I think I'd av less probems verbally communicating with people in Istanbul than Australia 

Have to admit one of my favorite Movie scenes is when Mick Dundee says "That's not a knife, this is a knife" "Ah just a bunch of kids playing around" :lol:


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## gooblax




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## Daniel

Or the Canadian version:


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## David Baxter PhD

Or if you have enough time and patience, the full episode:


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## David Baxter PhD

American Children Should Eat More Vegemite. Hereâ€™s Why. | HuffPost Canada


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## Daniel

Yeasty grist for future therapy mills


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## David Baxter PhD

Love Australia


When you're eating a salad... but all you really want is a burger 

Click image to play video:


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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel

The mothership:


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## Daniel




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## gooblax




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## Daniel

Need them here in Arizona too:


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## Daniel

Hamdog - Wikipedia


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## gooblax

Alright, where can I get one?


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## Daniel

They are sold at some food outlets and have some food vans in the Perth area, etc. but information is spotty on their Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/Hamdog.com.au/

Call 1-800-HAM-DOG if you want to start your own franchise


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## gooblax




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## David Baxter PhD




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## GaryQ

:rofl: ^^^^^


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel

But quite like American Dr. Phil to be blaming the victim


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## David Baxter PhD




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## David Baxter PhD




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## gooblax

gooblax said:


>


Tried it today 
Smelled like sweet milk, a bit donutty. Tasted like caramel milk. Can't really distinguish any cinnamon flavour.
I like caramel milk, so it's a win for me.


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## Daniel

Drop bears target tourists, study says - Australian Geographic
April 1, 2013


Drop bears are also thought to be able to discern Australian accents, and seem to be less likely to attack people who have them...

Volker suggests several methods bushwalkers can adopt to defend against potential drop bear attacks. These include wearing forks in the hair or spreading Vegemite behind the ears or under the armpits.

More info:  Drop bear - Wikipedia


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## Daniel




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## gooblax

Ok Australia, this flavoured milk stuff is officially getting disgusting:


Each of these is a type of lolly/candy.

Redskins are raspberry flavoured and extremely sweet - this would be a horrible flavour for milk. My tastebuds are having nightmares just imagining it.
Chokito are chocolate/caramel bars which are pretty good - probably works for milk.
Jaffas are choc-orange flavoured chocolate balls with a hard red candy shell - ehhhhhh probs not worth trying.


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## Daniel




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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

I used to like Strawberry Quik - basically tasted like a strawberry milkshake.



And you can buy it online from Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=strawberry+quik


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## Daniel

A fortunately fictional flavor:


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

^^^ I don't get this one.


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## Daniel

Check, mate.


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## Daniel




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## gooblax

Single toilet paper roll sells for $1000 as coronavirus panic-buying reaches new level

Why, Australia? :facepalm:
I feel sorry for the people who are legitimately out of toilet paper right now, for absolutely no good reason.


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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel

I don't understand a lot of human behavior, like who decided to live in the desert called Phoenix?     Then who decided to hang around that person, etc?  Sure it is relatively warm in the winter... if you survive the summer . If your A/C goes out in your car, how will you deal with sitting in traffic other than calling in sick?

And now there is smog too and global warming but more people keep moving in.


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## David Baxter PhD

You could say the same about Florida and several other southern states.


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## Daniel

Yeah, though at least in Florida it was never hot at night.   That was the most surprising thing about Phoenix.  Landing at the Phoenix airport at 10pm can feel as warm as Florida during the day.


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## David Baxter PhD

Wow. I didn't know that.


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel

That probably served as a reminder for  @gooblax about what she is having for lunch


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## gooblax

Nah, I couldn't wait for lunch so am having some as a snack out of the jar


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel

Moved to Aussie dad jokes


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## gooblax

So terrible I didn't even get it until after reading Daniel's comment.


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## David Baxter PhD

@gooblax is this true?


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## David Baxter PhD

@gooblax is this true?


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## gooblax

Haha if you're that close, looking at the beak is a mistake. Directly into the eyes is where you want to look.
So I've never noticed but I guess it must be true except for younger magpies whose beak areas tend to be darker from what I've noticed.


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

You call that a bird? That's not a bird! This is a bird!

Now say that in your best Crocodile Dundee voice!


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## Daniel

But they both have the feet of a chicken


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## David Baxter PhD

Daniel said:


> But they both have the feet of a chicken



Response from the American Eagle: "Hey buddy! Who are you calling a chicken foot?"

On a more serious note:

One of the things I've always found curious is the similarity between the American Eagle emblem one sees everywhere in the US and the eagle emblem used by the Nazis and again displayed everywhere during their reign of terror. Given some of the recent events in the US, the similarity is even more chilling.


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## Daniel

Should have gone with the turkey:




> https://www.in.gov/dnr/kids/5861.htm
> 
> When Benjamin Franklin suggested the wild turkey as our national bird, he obviously noticed its fascinating characteristics and appeal. Although the turkey lost by just one vote to the bald eagle, its keen senses make it one of America's favorite game birds.


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## Daniel




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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

Australians are tough. I saw an article a couple of days ago where an Aussie man fought off a great white shark that attacked his wife by punching it repeatedly.

A man punched a great white shark to save a surfer being attacked - CNN


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## Daniel

It's obviously their Vegemite diet along with the Milo supplementation and all the swimming required to get around the country 

Here, in the US, we complain if the drive-thru takes too long since we have to get home to take a nap


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## David Baxter PhD

Crikey!! Now THAT is a croc! Not like those spindly Florida gators! 

*Crocodile weighing 350 kg caught at Australian Outback tourist destination*
_Associated Press_
Aug 31, 2020

*Wildlife rangers trapped 4.4-metre male in Flora River at remote nature park*






_A  350-kilogram male crocodile is shown tied to the back of a trailer in  the Australian Outback town of Katherine on Aug. 28 after its capture by  wildlife rangers. (Northern Territory Dept. of Tourism, Sport and Culture/The Associated Press)_

Wildlife  rangers have trapped a 4.4-metre saltwater crocodile at a tourist  destination in Australia's Northern Territory, the biggest caught in the  area in years, a wildlife ranger said Monday.

  The 350-kilogram  male was caught in the Flora River at a remote nature park 120  kilometres southwest of the Outback town of Katherine, said Katherine  senior wildlife ranger John Burke.

  A larger 4.7-metre croc was  trapped three years ago in the same wildlife management zone, but that  one was caught in the Katherine River, which is closer to the sea, Burke  said. He said he did not know of a larger croc caught in the Flora  River.

  Crocodile  numbers have been increasing across Australia's tropical north since  federal law made them a protected species in the early 1970s.

  "They  certainly are increasing [in number], and that's part of the reason we  have the management zones — to reduce the numbers in high-visitation  areas so there's less chance of interaction between salties and people,"  Burke said, referring to saltwater crocs.

  The captured croc had  been taken to a crocodile farm to become part of a breeding program.  Farmed crocodiles can be killed for their meat and leather.

  The crocs are trapped in large cages baited with wild pig and other meats and submerged in waterways.


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## Daniel

That is because in Florida they have Gatorade instead of Vegemite


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## David Baxter PhD




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## gooblax

Daniel said:


>


Or when Pokemon Go has an Autumn/Fall themed event... But it's Spring here.


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## Daniel

Australian Mullet Competition Saves Small Town From Financial Ruin

Anyone of any age and any background is welcome to compete given they meet the one major requirement: they love their mullet.


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

A man from the US with COVID-19 is the in an Australian hospital.
He looks at the nurse and says, "Did I come here to die?"

The nurse turns and replies, "No, you came here yestaday"


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## Daniel

How can you tell if an Australian is asking a question?

You can’t?


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## Daniel

My work has just hired an Australian IT expert.

He comes from a LAN down under.


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD




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## gooblax

I thought having spiders in the Christmas tree was enough decoration.


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## David Baxter PhD

@*gooblax*

Aussie blokes been living with this humongous spider for the last year


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## Daniel

That reminds me of the power of radical avoidance


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## gooblax

I concur with the comment about it being the spider's house. That's 8 steps too far for me.


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

What are those? They look painful... are they also poisonous?


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## Daniel

Yeah, the leaves and other parts of the plant may be poisonous.   It's hard for me to identity since they look similar (to me) to both poisonous and non-poisonous varieties.

If @gooblax doesn't know, it's probably because the poison already got to her and made her have positive illusions about spined leaves


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## David Baxter PhD

Crikey! I hope not, mate!
 @gooblax. if you see this make a beeline for Macca - stat! 

I am pretty sure that McNuggets with BBQ (aka "barbie") sauce is the antidote. That cures pretty much everything.


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## gooblax

Thankfully haven't come across any of those!


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

Australian Accent PowerPoint Presentation


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## Daniel

Tom Hanks' Saturday Night Live monologue takes stab at Vegemite and Australian accent


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## Daniel

Coping Tip of the Day (Aussie Version):



Source: Drool-Worthy Milo-Licious


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## gooblax

I'd eat the milo chicken but not with the anchovy sauce  Milo chicken is no weirder than chicken and waffles.


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## David Baxter PhD

@gooblax sound familiar? 

Warning: Strong Language Alert!​


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## Daniel

David Baxter said:


> Warning: Strong Language​


Not by Aussie standards


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## gooblax

I was just reminding myself last week - at least it's only March now. Got another 5 months before the murderbirds start at it again.


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## David Baxter PhD




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## Daniel

Repost:



David Baxter said:


>


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## gooblax

Horsing around: Australian man creates paper pony out of lunch bags in hotel quarantine


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## David Baxter PhD




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## David Baxter PhD

Spoiler: Warning: Strong Language


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## Daniel

During summer in Australia:


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

Daniel said:


> During summer in Australia:


What is that?


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## Daniel

Tim Tams.


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## David Baxter PhD

Are they frozen or melted?


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## Daniel

Melted.  

BTW, on Amazon:


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## gooblax

Can confirm accuracy of melting. 
Also sometimes they won't be melted until you touch them and induce melting.


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## gooblax

Daniel said:


> BTW, on Amazon:


Buy together. But do not eat together.


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

Spoof Crocodile Dundee trailer aired during the Superbowl was so good there’s now a campaign to turn it into a REAL movie
					


CROCODILE Dundee fans were so amazed by a spoof trailer aired during the Superbowl they’re demanding it be turned into a real film. The teaser, starring screen heart-throb Chris Hemsworth and…





					www.thesun.ie


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## Daniel




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## gooblax

He gets bonus points for being able to see over all the tall grass that no one's cutting in the Brisbane Airport precinct.


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD




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## David Baxter PhD

Comment on Facebook about the above image from SciBabe:



> *It’s a shame that male spiders don’t feel comfortable enough in their masculinity to carry a purse and are relegated to a life of eight legged cargo shorts.*


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

^^^ What is going on in that picture? I see chickens (I guess) with dyed feathers but also some sort of radio-controlled vehicle?


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## Daniel

I don't know, but it looks like the chickens are winning


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## Daniel

Properly-shaped Vegemite pizza:


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## Daniel




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## David Baxter PhD

Daniel said:


>



Ozzie and Harriet?


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## Daniel

Rex & Lizzie


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## Daniel




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## Daniel

Australian man asked his neighbour to take the bins out – so he did, literally
					


Carl Stanojevic got a text asking him to take his Queensland neighbour’s bins out. So the 54-year-old Mackay photographer took wheelie bin number 6 for a spin around the town





					www.theguardian.com


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## Daniel




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