# understanding the opposite sex :-)



## hugsy (Jun 6, 2005)

i'm curious to know why men ..what is the word i'm looking for.... 
i want to say show more love to, but that's not exactly it, pay more attention to, pursue...(maybe it's all these put together) 
anyway, why they more actively show interest in a woman who is not interested, keeps them wondering if they stand a chance, and may not give them "the time of day".  then when the women responds to their attention, they lose interest.   don't they want love?  or is it something else they are looking for?


----------



## db2kp (Jun 6, 2005)

It goes both ways. 

Guys like the chase and so do women.  I've seen that with several friends of mine.  They have a guy who wants to give them the world and they act like the guy doesn't exist.  But they hang onto the ones that either treat them badly or they want the guys that don't want anything to do with them.

It's more of a challenge.

That's my 2cents.

d


----------



## Me1 (Jun 6, 2005)

I think that sometimes, a person seems great when you're admiring them from afar...but when they finally notice you, and you get to know them a little bit, they aren't what you expected. 

And that is _my_ two cents.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 7, 2005)

If men and women truly understood one another, they wouldn't call each other "the opposite sex"... )


----------



## hugsy (Jun 7, 2005)

the challenge, the chase, it can be exciting. 

~~~~~~

David, that is a very interesting statement...


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 7, 2005)

Well, it's partly tongue in cheek but not entirely.

I often hear couples saying "The reason this relationship isn't working is because we're so different." 

My response is often, "Okay... so? Why is that a problem? Would you want to be in a life relationship with someone who was exactly like you? What would be the point? You already HAVE you to live with."

Sure, you need some common ground, especially a common vision of what kind of relationship you want and some commonality in values. But it's the differences... in viewpoint, reactions, thinking, feeling... that's what makes a relationship interesting and fulfilling.


----------



## hugsy (Jun 8, 2005)

i agree with you, differences are good, actually for more than one reason.  makes things interetsing and fulfilling, yes.  what i've recently learned (through losing a relationship with someone i love(d) very much) is that the best way to handle differences is to look at them, not as a problem but, as a way of helping each other balance out.  and they can be used as a way of motivating change in ourselves.  what we like in our partner i think lots of times is something we wish for ourselves.  i think....

this was not my original question, though.  understanding why is not the same thing as wanting to change it.  i want to understand. but...maybe it's not always necessary to understand. or maybe just understand to a certain point, and then accept.  hmm...learn to manage...handle...manipulate the situation.  

as i write the word manipulation, i realize that that word has a negative connotation.  but manipulation isn't always a bad thing.  even though, that sounds to me like playing games.  which i don't like to do.  because i don't like to hurt people.  but there are games played between men and women that are not harmful.  like flirting.   but back to my original question... there comes a point when the chase gets the man somewhere.  by then the woman has probably become somewhat emotionally attached, if not already in love.  so...why does the man back off?  

sorry, feel like i'm rambling now.  just thinking out loud.


----------



## Impunity Jane (Jun 8, 2005)

I think many, many women ask this question - I don't really think the guy is going to - or even can - say why, so we can only speculate.  Also, there may be different reasons for different guys.  IMO, they are all variations on the theme that he wants to feel successful in winning you over, but he doesn't really want you for a relationship.  It's like those fairbooths, guys can get all excited about shooting the moving ducks but its not because they want a stuffed toy. They just want to win.

If someone comes on strong trying to win me over, I now see it as a sign he's not realistic about relationships, he may be just into the chase and his own gratification in succeeding at it.  To protect ourselves, I think women need to be more skeptical.  If a guy acts like the only thing he wants in the world is your love, it unfortunately doesn't mean you are his heart's desire.  You have to really hold back your hopes and feelings, offer him friendship and wait and see if he really likes you and not just chasing after you.

Not easy to do.


----------



## hugsy (Jun 10, 2005)

thanks, Jane.  good insight.  and you're right, not easy to do.


----------



## hugsy (Jun 10, 2005)

thanks, Jane.  good insight.  and you're right, not easy to do.


----------



## Jack_Mordino (Jul 17, 2005)

It's not as simple as being a game of challenge. Strength is something we all admire. We (humans, not just men or women) all love to be loved by someone strong, someone we can rely on. And what a better sign of strenth if the target does not easily surrender to us? Someone can't be stronger than us if he seeks us more than WE do him/her...


----------



## Jack_Mordino (Jul 17, 2005)

It's not as simple as being a game of challenge. Strength is something we all admire. We (humans, not just men or women) all love to be loved by someone strong, someone we can rely on. And what a better sign of strenth if the target does not easily surrender to us? Someone can't be stronger than us if he seeks us more than WE do him/her...


----------



## Astrocreep (Aug 1, 2005)

*Undersanding...*

Study the psychological evolution of males, maybe you'll understand why (lol). 

I agree with Jane.


----------



## Astrocreep (Aug 1, 2005)

*Undersanding...*

Study the psychological evolution of males, maybe you'll understand why (lol). 

I agree with Jane.


----------

