# Am I Depressed or Just Deep?



## David Baxter PhD (Mar 3, 2010)

Am I Depressed or Just Deep?
by Therese J. Borchard
Wednesday March 3, 2010 

I spent my adolescence and teenage years obsessing about this question: Am I depressed or just deep?  

When I was nine, I figured that I was a young Christian mystic because I related much more to the saints who lived centuries ago than to other nine-year-old girls who had crushes on boys. I couldn't understand how my sisters could waste quarters on a stupid video game when there were starving kids in Cambodia. Hello? Give them to UNICEF!  

Now I look back with tenderness to the hurting girl I was and wished somebody had been able to recognize that I was very depressed.

Not that I would have accepted the help. I believed, along with all the other adults in my life, that my melancholy and sensitivity were part of my "special" make-up, that they were gifts to celebrate, not neuroses to treat. And should I take meds that helped me laugh and play and design cool barrettes like the other girls, well, then I would lose my depth.

On the PBS website _This Emotional Life_ -- a multi-platform project centered on a three-part series documentary to be broadcast in early 2010 hosted by Harvard psychologist and bestselling author Daniel Gilbert --psychologist Paula Bloom discusses the topic of being deep versus being depressed. On her blog post _Am I Depressed or Just Deep?_, she writes:

_Sometimes, people confuse being depressed with being philosophical. If I had a dollar (well, maybe $2) for every time I hear "I am not depressed, I am just realistic", "Anyone who isn't depressed isn't paying attention", or "Life has no meaning and I am going to die, how can I be happy?" I could likely support a hardcore latte habit. Depression can have such an effect on your worldview. 

There are a few basic existential realities we all confront: mortality, aloneness and meaninglessness. Most people are aware of these things. A friend dies suddenly, a coworker commits suicide or some planes fly into tall buildings-these events shake most of us up and remind of us of the basic realities. We deal, we grieve, we hold our kids tighter, remind ourselves that life is short and therefore to be enjoyed, and then we move on. Persistently not being able to put the existential realities aside to live and enjoy life, engage those around us or take care of ourselves just might be a sign of depression.   

We all get sad sometimes, struggle to fall asleep, lose our appetite or have a hard time focusing. Does this mean we are depressed? Not necessarily. So how do you know the difference? The answer, as with most psychological diagnoses comes down to one word: functioning. How are you sleeping and eating? Are you isolating yourself from others? Have you stopped enjoying the things you used to enjoy? Difficulty focusing and concentrating? Irritable? Tired? Lack of motivation? Do you feel hopeless? Feel excessively guilty or worthless? Experiencing some of these things may be a sign of depression._​Peter Kramer, clinical professor of psychiatry at Brown University, devotes an entire book to this question. He wrote _Against Depression_ in response to his frustration of repeatedly being asked the same question: "What if Prozac had been available in van Gogh's time?" 

In a _New York Times_ essay, _There's Nothing Deep About Depression_, which was adapted from _Against Depression_, Kramer writes: 

_Depression is not a perspective. It is a disease. Resisting that claim, we may ask: Seeing cruelty, suffering and death -- shouldn't a person be depressed? There are circumstances, like the Holocaust, in which depression might seem justified for every victim or observer. Awareness of the ubiquity of horror is the modern condition, our condition. 

But then, depression is not universal, even in terrible times. Though prone to mood disorder, the great Italian writer Primo Levi was not depressed in his months at Auschwitz. I have treated a handful of patients who survived horrors arising from war or political repression. They came to depression years after enduring extreme privation. Typically, such a person will say: ''I don't understand it. I went through -- '' and here he will name one of the shameful events of our time. ''I lived through that, and in all those months, I never felt this.'' This refers to the relentless bleakness of depression, the self as hollow shell. To see the worst things a person can see is one experience; to suffer mood disorder is another. It is depression -- and not resistance to it or recovery from it -- that diminishes the self. 

Beset by great evil, a person can be wise, observant and disillusioned and yet not depressed. Resilience confers its own measure of insight. We should have no trouble admiring what we do admire -- depth, complexity, aesthetic brilliance -- and standing foursquare against depression._​Kramer's words are consoling to a depressive who spends 90 percent of her energy a day combating thoughts saying she is depressed because she lacks the stamina to be optimistic. In fact, the first time I read Kramer, I experienced profound relief. However, I still maintain that some of my depth caused by depression is a good thing. Not on the days where I'm in excruciating pain, of course. But should I have been one of those nine-year-olds who got excited about which color ribbon I could use to make my barrettes and wasted her quarters on Pacman ... well, I wouldn't be writing this blog.


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 3, 2010)

Am I depressed or just deep? 
Paula Bloom Psy.D.
10/08/2009 

Yes. I admit it. I am a recovering angry youth. The symptoms of this disorder include wearing a disproportionate amount of black, having an inner adolescent who still wants to sometimes flip the bird at people who tell me what to do and feeling like I can?t live without music. ?Paula, why do you wear so much black? my older brother asked when I was 17. ?It is not what I wear, it is who I am,? I answered dramatically.

I recently saw a patient, a young college student, struggling with her classes. Within the first few minutes she had called herself ?lazy? and a ?loser?. As she kept talking she described a classic depressive episode, which seemed to hardly be the first in her life. She?s isolating from friends, not picking up her cell phone, struggling with making decisions, can?t seem to eat or sleep. She denies feeling like killing herself but admitted frequent thoughts of ?it would be a lot easier to just not wake up one morning.?  When I reflected to her that she sounded depressed she said ?I don?t think so, that is just my personality.? So many people confuse depression with just being a lazy, unmotivated person. 

You know the story of the frog? Supposedly, if you put a frog in boiling water it will jump out. However, if you put it in cold water and slowly bring up the temperature it will allow itself to be boiled to death. This happens with depression: you get so accustomed to living this way that it becomes normal: miserable, but normal. You may even think it is who you are.

Sometimes, people confuse being depressed with being philosophical. If I had a dollar (well, maybe $2) for every time I hear ?I am not depressed, I am just realistic?, ?Anyone who isn?t depressed isn?t paying attention?, or ?Life has no meaning and I am going to die, how can I be happy?? I could likely support a hardcore latte habit. Depression can have such an effect on your worldview. 

There are a few basic existential realities we all confront: mortality, aloneness and meaninglessness. Most people are aware of these things. A friend dies suddenly, a coworker commits suicide or some planes fly into tall buildings-these events shake most of us up and remind of us of the basic realities. We deal, we grieve, we hold our kids tighter, remind ourselves that life is short and therefore to be enjoyed, and then we move on. Persistently not being able to put the existential realities aside to live and enjoy life, engage those around us or take care of ourselves just might be a sign of depression.

We all get sad sometimes, struggle to fall asleep, lose our appetite or have a hard time focusing. Does this mean we are depressed? Not necessarily. So how do you know the difference? The answer, as with most psychological diagnoses comes down to one word: functioning. How are you sleeping and eating? Are you isolating yourself from others? Have you stopped enjoying the things you used to enjoy? Difficulty focusing and concentrating? Irritable? Tired? Lack of motivation? Do you feel hopeless? Feel excessively guilty or worthless? Experiencing some of these things may be a sign of depression. 

Depression can range from mild to severe. People sometimes minimize how they are feeling by saying, ?anyone would feel this way in this situation? or ?it isn?t like I want to kill myself?. You don?t have to be suicidal to be depressed but is a symptom of depression. Thinking a lot about death or wanting or even planning how you might die is serious and needs immediate attention. Call a friend, a crisis center, your doctor, call 911 or even show up at an ER.

So, as I sit here at the coffee house in my black turtleneck and chunky black boots listening to Ani Difranco, Indigo Girls and The Cure on my ipod I am acutely aware that yes, one day I will die. Ultimately, no matter how close I am to any other person, in some ways I am alone. However, I realize that life is not meaningless: I love my husband, children, family and friends; through my work I get to help people help themselves and yes, most importantly, I blog. What could possibly be more meaningful than that?


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## luminous veil (May 15, 2010)

Thanks for the articles. This was interesting.



> Sometimes, people confuse being depressed with being philosophical. If I had a dollar (well, maybe $2) for every time I hear "I am not depressed, I am just realistic", "Anyone who isn't depressed isn't paying attention", or "Life has no meaning and I am going to die, how can I be happy?" I could likely support a hardcore latte habit. Depression can have such an effect on your worldview.


If there are many expressing these sentiments, and all of them were diagnosed with depression, wouldn't there be more depressed people than non-depressed people? At least at this university, there seem to be many people saying these things. I think depression is an important condition, but it is overdiagnosed. Also, people could be making these kinds of comments if they are concerned with fitting in with others who make these comments. There many not be many starting off this kind of behaviour- but they may be the truly depressed individuals.



> You know the story of the frog? Supposedly, if you put a frog in boiling water it will jump out. However, if you put it in cold water and slowly bring up the temperature it will allow itself to be boiled to death. This happens with depression: you get so accustomed to living this way that it becomes normal: miserable, but normal. You may even think it is who you are.


I have experienced creeping normalcy. I got so used to thinking one particular way that it didn't strike me as odd anymore. I also got worse and worse, but I finally figured out it was a cycle or pattern I was following. I tried until I finally "fixed myself". Eventually, it just clicked. Along an axis where one is moving slowly enough toward an extreme, it's hard to notice, if you are the one moving.


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## Daniel (May 15, 2010)

> If there are many expressing these sentiments, and all of them were  diagnosed with depression, wouldn't there be more depressed people than  non-depressed people?


No, since existential thinking per se does not cause depression.  Rather, those with depression may be attracted to existential thinking as a way to rationalize their depression symptoms of anhedonia, social withdrawal, etc.


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## luminous veil (May 15, 2010)

Daniel said:


> No, since existential thinking per se does not cause depression.  Rather, those with depression may be attracted to existential thinking as a way to rationalize their depression symptoms of anhedonia, social withdrawal, etc.


 
I see. So if I were to express existential thinking, maybe not to the degree in the article, to a mental health professional (for some reason), they would _*not*_ be inclined to diagnose me with depression?


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## Daniel (May 15, 2010)

I guess the devil is in the details.  If it's something like "life feels meaningless,"  then that's a  potential sign of depression or susceptibility to depression, which is why such a statement often appears on depression screening forms.    

And existential thinking per se can be positive, e.g. Victor Frankl. Similarly, existential therapy is often mentioned in "Introduction to Psychology" textbooks when discussing the history of humanistic developments in psychotherapy. 

Incidentally, when I took existential philosophy in college, the only noticeable common factor in the other students was that they were mostly philosophy majors, a number of whom wanted to become lawyers.

​


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## luminous veil (May 16, 2010)

That's interesting. Thanks for the insight.


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