# It just doesn't get any better



## jeffrey (Jun 25, 2005)

Hello everyone,
                       It`s time to be me,i don`t know why i called myself Jeffrey,my real name is Michael.I live in a small coastal town in south east England,i have done most of my life.Today is not good,i feel really bad about everything.I`ve been on drugs for most of my life,started at fourteen and i`m only thirty,i`ve been clean for a while now,i`ve done it before but got back on them...anyway lets get to the point!
I`ve been an addict,started relationships late at the age of twenty four,failed terribley at them,all two of them,living back once again with my parents,haven`t really achieved anything in my life except for creating misery,i have no children.All i have is a car a stereo,tv,dvd player,play station 2 and my clothes.Thats it thats my life.My ex girlfriend is an assistant psychologist and i know she looks on this forum,thats why i took the guise of Jeff,didn`t want to expose myself any longer but now everything is washing away and i`m now laid bare in all my glory ha...what a joke.I did and still do love? The girl.So many drugs and alcohol in that relationship it was doomed to fail,i know it screwed me up and probably her too,when we found shelter in the eye of the storm is was peacful,we could see each other and the love was evident,on my behalf anyway...i`m sure she loved me too.But the storm was too hard to weather and naturally it tore us apart.Now i`m left battered and scarred to the point of not being able to recognise myself anymore.I drink too much which just a symptom of the problem and the problem is me,it makes me worse,make a fool of myself and just generally come across as sad,a victim of my own circumstances,pathetic even...i told you this is a bad day.The other part of me has so much to offer,i have all the powers of a human being has,all the positives and i do tap into them but at the moment things are just not working,i`ve had councilling which works temporarily.I`m a very unhappy soul,i want to cure myself,my thinking is if i do it then the strength that will give me will help me overcome all future obsticals,i can`t be dependant anymore as i`m not living my life,i`m lookin to others all the time.What am i doing here then i hear you ask,therapy.My ex has probably read this and is gloating and will tell her so called friends so that they can all have a good laugh at my expense,but what the hell if i can make her happy like that then that is cool.


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## jeffrey (Jun 25, 2005)

Hello everyone,
                       It`s time to be me,i don`t know why i called myself Jeffrey,my real name is Michael.I live in a small coastal town in south east England,i have done most of my life.Today is not good,i feel really bad about everything.I`ve been on drugs for most of my life,started at fourteen and i`m only thirty,i`ve been clean for a while now,i`ve done it before but got back on them...anyway lets get to the point!
I`ve been an addict,started relationships late at the age of twenty four,failed terribley at them,all two of them,living back once again with my parents,haven`t really achieved anything in my life except for creating misery,i have no children.All i have is a car a stereo,tv,dvd player,play station 2 and my clothes.Thats it thats my life.My ex girlfriend is an assistant psychologist and i know she looks on this forum,thats why i took the guise of Jeff,didn`t want to expose myself any longer but now everything is washing away and i`m now laid bare in all my glory ha...what a joke.I did and still do love? The girl.So many drugs and alcohol in that relationship it was doomed to fail,i know it screwed me up and probably her too,when we found shelter in the eye of the storm is was peacful,we could see each other and the love was evident,on my behalf anyway...i`m sure she loved me too.But the storm was too hard to weather and naturally it tore us apart.Now i`m left battered and scarred to the point of not being able to recognise myself anymore.I drink too much which just a symptom of the problem and the problem is me,it makes me worse,make a fool of myself and just generally come across as sad,a victim of my own circumstances,pathetic even...i told you this is a bad day.The other part of me has so much to offer,i have all the powers of a human being has,all the positives and i do tap into them but at the moment things are just not working,i`ve had councilling which works temporarily.I`m a very unhappy soul,i want to cure myself,my thinking is if i do it then the strength that will give me will help me overcome all future obsticals,i can`t be dependant anymore as i`m not living my life,i`m lookin to others all the time.What am i doing here then i hear you ask,therapy.My ex has probably read this and is gloating and will tell her so called friends so that they can all have a good laugh at my expense,but what the hell if i can make her happy like that then that is cool.


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## HA (Jun 25, 2005)

Welcome Jeffrey,

Many of us have had to temporarily seek refuge from our parents after we have lived independently on our own and went through a relationship ending or losing a job or for health reasons. We don't need to be ashamed because we need help from our parents during these times. 

Using alcohol and drugs to solve the depression and loss you are experiencing won't be the answer for you though. I don't think there is any way to get over the pain of losing a partner except by going through it. 

One of the quickest routes to healing would be seeing another therapist. It has helped you in the past so will help you again. It's better to have some guidance in looking at what exactly went wrong for you and why you are using drugs and alcohol to make yourself feel better, rather than trying to sort through it on your own.

Sometimes when we are in a great deal of pain it's hard to see the forest because of the trees.


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## HA (Jun 25, 2005)

Welcome Jeffrey,

Many of us have had to temporarily seek refuge from our parents after we have lived independently on our own and went through a relationship ending or losing a job or for health reasons. We don't need to be ashamed because we need help from our parents during these times. 

Using alcohol and drugs to solve the depression and loss you are experiencing won't be the answer for you though. I don't think there is any way to get over the pain of losing a partner except by going through it. 

One of the quickest routes to healing would be seeing another therapist. It has helped you in the past so will help you again. It's better to have some guidance in looking at what exactly went wrong for you and why you are using drugs and alcohol to make yourself feel better, rather than trying to sort through it on your own.

Sometimes when we are in a great deal of pain it's hard to see the forest because of the trees.


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## ThatLady (Jun 26, 2005)

You're obviously suffering, Michael. I'm so sorry you feel so low right now. It's easy to sit on my side of the issue and say: "It'll pass."; however, from your point of view it seems like an endless sea of miserable days. I know. I've been there.

HeartArt is right. The answer is therapy. You need help to overcome the depression that's pulling you to use alcohol as self-medication. Alcohol only makes things worse. A therapist can help you work through the difficult issues you're trying to deal with. You've got a lot going for you, really. You realize you have many positive assets in your favor. The fact that you're aware of this at such a low point in your life tells me that you can benefit greatly from therapy. Get help, hon.


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## ThatLady (Jun 26, 2005)

You're obviously suffering, Michael. I'm so sorry you feel so low right now. It's easy to sit on my side of the issue and say: "It'll pass."; however, from your point of view it seems like an endless sea of miserable days. I know. I've been there.

HeartArt is right. The answer is therapy. You need help to overcome the depression that's pulling you to use alcohol as self-medication. Alcohol only makes things worse. A therapist can help you work through the difficult issues you're trying to deal with. You've got a lot going for you, really. You realize you have many positive assets in your favor. The fact that you're aware of this at such a low point in your life tells me that you can benefit greatly from therapy. Get help, hon.


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## jeffrey (Jun 26, 2005)

Thank you for your replies,

I`m staying away from the drugs and have been for quite some time now,it is really the drinking that is the problem,from Tuesday the 28th June i`m stopping and giving myself a well deserved break from my poison.As for therapy i`m getting it although my therapist has gone on holiday for three weeks,it`ll be good to see him when he gets back.I`m trying to hold my head up high but sometimes the pressures of living in this town can grind me down,there`s so many judgemental and two faced people that i know,so many chineese whispers that i start to feel the world is against me.God knows i try and God knows i have all the right intentions,my heart is in the right place but my good nature gets abused...badley,other people with their good advice tell me to toughen up and that the world is full of not nice people,so i let the abuse go on and try to rise above it but then i snap,usually under the influence of drink and make a scene in which everybody sees then i`m made to look like the villain and i`m judged once again,it really is a sorry state of affairs and i`m sick of it.Will the wind of change blow favourabley in my direction? God give me strength!
I have grown into a man quite innocently and never knew to the extent the amount of scheemers out there,real back stabbers who are spineless cowards that haven`t the strength of charecter to face up and show their true colours,turn coats that would betray at the drop of a hat.It really makes me lose faith in human nature.I think i`m stuck in a circle and i can`t see a way out or as thatlady put it (can`t see the wood from the trees) I need to take action but i think i`m scared of changing,i`m a cancerian you see,and those traits are very srong in me...if you believe in all that.Why on Gods earth did my ex betray and treat me as she did with her mind games and mental torture? I can be uncouth and a heathen when provoked i know and i drop to the level that those who provoked me want to see so it can give them the sick,twisted sense of power they so desperately need,i play their games unwhitingly and it`s only on reflection that i can see it but it`s too late then.Why did she want to blacken my name and cause me so much pain that i tried to commit suicide? Do the people that know me in my town know i was the bigger victim? how much damage can a twenty three year old psychology graduate that is seeking a doctorate do? and to think she wants to treat people with dissorders,it`s a sick hunger for power...i put it down to a lot of factors but mostly being a spoilt brat as a child and wrapping people around her little finger to get what she wanted,back then it could be seen as innocent but now she plays very dangerous games with peoples lives.I think she needs therapy,i could see through it to a point when i was with her and at times it was funny how she would revert to a child and i would take the role of her dad,i tried to help her by showing her love that i think she did not understand...she was too imature and i was a loved up fool.She would cheat on me and i think in her mind she did it because she could,arrogant selfishness.I personally don`t see myself above anyone but there is one thing for sure i know i`m definately not one of them,it is a case in my town of us and them,i just can`t find the uses.I just hope she will be able to see at one time how she affected me and takes responsability for her actions in how she made me react with her twisted mind tactics.I am by no stretch of the imagination stupid,i may act like it at times so that i can have an easy life it`s just that i grew out of playing games when i was a child.
Left myself open to it but i aint changing for no pushy person.Well thats my therapy for today...comments welcome!

              As they say in Finland hei hei


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## jeffrey (Jun 26, 2005)

Thank you for your replies,

I`m staying away from the drugs and have been for quite some time now,it is really the drinking that is the problem,from Tuesday the 28th June i`m stopping and giving myself a well deserved break from my poison.As for therapy i`m getting it although my therapist has gone on holiday for three weeks,it`ll be good to see him when he gets back.I`m trying to hold my head up high but sometimes the pressures of living in this town can grind me down,there`s so many judgemental and two faced people that i know,so many chineese whispers that i start to feel the world is against me.God knows i try and God knows i have all the right intentions,my heart is in the right place but my good nature gets abused...badley,other people with their good advice tell me to toughen up and that the world is full of not nice people,so i let the abuse go on and try to rise above it but then i snap,usually under the influence of drink and make a scene in which everybody sees then i`m made to look like the villain and i`m judged once again,it really is a sorry state of affairs and i`m sick of it.Will the wind of change blow favourabley in my direction? God give me strength!
I have grown into a man quite innocently and never knew to the extent the amount of scheemers out there,real back stabbers who are spineless cowards that haven`t the strength of charecter to face up and show their true colours,turn coats that would betray at the drop of a hat.It really makes me lose faith in human nature.I think i`m stuck in a circle and i can`t see a way out or as thatlady put it (can`t see the wood from the trees) I need to take action but i think i`m scared of changing,i`m a cancerian you see,and those traits are very srong in me...if you believe in all that.Why on Gods earth did my ex betray and treat me as she did with her mind games and mental torture? I can be uncouth and a heathen when provoked i know and i drop to the level that those who provoked me want to see so it can give them the sick,twisted sense of power they so desperately need,i play their games unwhitingly and it`s only on reflection that i can see it but it`s too late then.Why did she want to blacken my name and cause me so much pain that i tried to commit suicide? Do the people that know me in my town know i was the bigger victim? how much damage can a twenty three year old psychology graduate that is seeking a doctorate do? and to think she wants to treat people with dissorders,it`s a sick hunger for power...i put it down to a lot of factors but mostly being a spoilt brat as a child and wrapping people around her little finger to get what she wanted,back then it could be seen as innocent but now she plays very dangerous games with peoples lives.I think she needs therapy,i could see through it to a point when i was with her and at times it was funny how she would revert to a child and i would take the role of her dad,i tried to help her by showing her love that i think she did not understand...she was too imature and i was a loved up fool.She would cheat on me and i think in her mind she did it because she could,arrogant selfishness.I personally don`t see myself above anyone but there is one thing for sure i know i`m definately not one of them,it is a case in my town of us and them,i just can`t find the uses.I just hope she will be able to see at one time how she affected me and takes responsability for her actions in how she made me react with her twisted mind tactics.I am by no stretch of the imagination stupid,i may act like it at times so that i can have an easy life it`s just that i grew out of playing games when i was a child.
Left myself open to it but i aint changing for no pushy person.Well thats my therapy for today...comments welcome!

              As they say in Finland hei hei


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