# Some more questions



## awthedude (Apr 8, 2005)

I used to feel like I was really different from other people because of what happened.  To an extent now it doesn't affect my relationships as bad as before but in many respects I still feel different.  I've thought about it and a lot of people say it doesn't make me different but I can't seem to get over it.  How would you go about reassuring yourself that your the same cause things like this don't happen to many people and in all actuallity I am different.  I don't know maybe I just have circular logic.  Also cause I'm a guy I feel even wierder talking about it with people so I usually keep it to myself is that a bad thing if it is bothering me and I don't talk about it? Thanks


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## awthedude (Apr 8, 2005)

Also I wanted to add that as a kid it made me feel like everything I was doing was pointless. I can't explain why but did or does anyone else feel that way?


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 9, 2005)

> things like this don't happen to many people and in all actuallity I am different


Actually, they happen to a lot more people than you think...


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## awthedude (Apr 11, 2005)

I guess maybe, but I dont know any of them and it's just me in my world.  Maybe that is really stupid to say actually even after writing that now I feel like taking it back.  I have actually known someone in this same kinda situation but I don't know her anymore or I guess my friend who was involved the same time as me.  It just seems I'm alone in it now and I can't muster up the courage.


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 11, 2005)

I know, dude. What I meant was that although you feel like some sort of alien who is unlike any other human being, that really isn't true. There are many people who have suffered through similar experiences and would understand some of what you feel -- and others who may not have experienced it directly but know people who have and therefore again would have some understanding. You are not as alone as you believe yourself to be.


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## awthedude (Apr 11, 2005)

It just seems like if I speak up about it then all the sudden everyone is shoulder length apart and keeping their distance.  Maybe it's in my head but now I just try to steer clear of talking about it altogether.  I've been doing this sort of thing for years.  I don't know if it is a good approach since it seems to make me pretty quiet but it helps me in other ways.  I don't know if that makes any sense.  I don't know if it is me that is making me feel like an alien but it seems like it's them


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 11, 2005)

Well, there's no doubt that you have to pick the time, the place, and the person carefully. But that's true of anything that is personal and important to you, I think. There are only a small number of people who really know me... that's by choice. I trust them and so I talk to them about things that are troubling or stressful or disturbing or sad... that is, about those things I really wouldn't want to talk to most people about or even want them to know about me.


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## awthedude (Apr 11, 2005)

I guess, that's a good point.  If someone came to me and told me something personal and I knew them well I might be open.  But if I didn't know them very well or didn't feel as if I did I might be stand offish too.


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## Jon (Apr 11, 2005)

I found that most people shy away because it is something foreign to them.  One of those dark discussions they don't understand, so it makes them uncomfortable.   Yet when you are able to open up to the right person, you can help them understand and they can help you to get past it.  A true friend will be there to help you through any crisis.  I know things about some of my friends that nobody else does, and visa versa.  We have helped one another through some difficult times.  That is what it is all about really.  A good psychologist can always help you to work things through, but my closest friends have been my personal source of help.


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## awthedude (Apr 11, 2005)

Thanks for the replies.  They've all been helpful.


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## awthedude (Apr 16, 2005)

I told my parents about what happened along time ago and they didn't believe me.  I told them again a few years past and they didn't believe me again! It's like they're in denial but it really hurts me.  It's like they don't believe me.  Actually, they don't believe me!  My mom just kinda shrugs my concerns aside and I can't talk to my dad.  It seems the problems ammount on me after drinking ..... anyway....  what do you think i should do?  or what should someone do in this situation?  i think it would be to much work to gain my parents understanding and without that i feel like it's not worth seeking help.  My friends disagree but i don't know what to do.


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 16, 2005)

I also disagree, dude. This isn't about whether or not your parents ever understand. It's about YOU finding some peace and moving on with your own life.

It would certainly be nice if your parents could understand and be supportive but it isn't essential or even close to the most important thing.


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## ThatLady (Apr 17, 2005)

You really don't need your parents to believe you in order to seek help. You're not seeking help to get your parents to believe you, hon. You're seeking help to get you to believe in yourself, and to be able to move forward in your life to a place where you can live a happy, healthy existence.


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## awthedude (Apr 17, 2005)

thanks for the replies i really appreciate it


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## awthedude (Apr 19, 2005)

I kinda understand now that i am no different than anyone else and that what happened doesn't make me any less of a person.  I guess my question is how do u get over the flashbacks and the things associated with that?


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 19, 2005)

> I guess my question is how do u get over the flashbacks and the things associated with that?


That's where therapy for PTSD comes in, dude.


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## awthedude (Apr 20, 2005)

Will it get worse if i wait a little bit longer to seek therapy?


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 20, 2005)

Not necessarily, no. But it probably won't get any better until you do.

You'll know if it's getting worse because the flashbacks will come more frequently and wilkl be more difficult to shake off...


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## awthedude (Apr 20, 2005)

OK, thax for the info.  I really do appreciate it.  This site and u guys have been better than the last 20 books I've read!


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## awthedude (Apr 21, 2005)

I know ur probably thinking, "this kid never stops with the questions" but i got another, I make alot of music about what happened to me and about my life in general.  Do you think that is a good thing or a bad thing to do?


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 21, 2005)

I think making music is almost always a good thing -- it helps to get feelings outside you and you generally feel a little better after you do it, at least for a while. Often, it even helps you figure things out that are confusing.

I've often said I never would have made it through adolescence without my guitar...


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## awthedude (Apr 21, 2005)

Yeah thats where I stand. Good, at least someone agrees with me and my guitar


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## awthedude (Apr 22, 2005)

That also reminds me... I posted a song on the internet about what happened called The Swing Set.. at
http://www.purevolume.com/andrewweeks
but more importantly the song helped me to understand it wasn't my fault to some degree and helped give me some perspective.


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 22, 2005)

I'll download it later when I have time to listen to if, dude. Thanks.

Got to update my son's band website with their mp3s this weekend, too: see Tainted Shade: Ottawa Metal Rock -- great flash site created by another musician, Daren Turner of Web Page Turner Flash Website Design.


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## Cin (Apr 24, 2005)

Dude, that song was beautiful, well done for turning it to aid your creativiy.


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## ^^Phoenix^^ (Apr 24, 2005)

That was a very touching song mate, you definatly have a gift. Keep it up.


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## awthedude (Apr 25, 2005)

Thanks for the replies.  Yeah if I didn't have my guitar I don't know what I woulda done. So it helped me alot.


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## ^^Phoenix^^ (Apr 25, 2005)

I have just started learning 3 weeks ago, my cousin is teaching me over the internet!!! I love technology.  
But i definatly can't wait until i an HALF a decent as you are so that i can try to start my own creations!!


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## ThatLady (Apr 25, 2005)

Wonderful song, dude. I found myself with tears in my eyes. It takes a bit to bring me to that point after all these years. Well done!


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## awthedude (Apr 26, 2005)

thanks i took that one off but im going to make new songs too.


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