# Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit - Long Post But Please Help



## ssbann

Hi, there!
I've never used a forum of any kind before so please bear with me. 

Last night, my boyfriend had a bizarre fit of crying that was very unlike him. I considered posting under the Anxiety & Stress or Panic Disorders topics but I have been reading about these topics and his case really didn't seem to match. 

He had been drinking wine and beer with a couple of our friends at a dinner I had at my house. As the night went on, most people left except for a few close friends. At this point I could tell he was too drunk. 

He is usually quiet and passive but now he was arguing loudly and talking in circles. I tried to help explain the things he was saying because noone could understand, but he became angry with me. He didn't lash out or anything, just withdrew into himself and ignored me. This hurt my feelings a lot but I knew he wasn't trying to, so I went to bed and resolved to talk about it with him in the morning. 

Twenty or so minutes later, everyone left and he crawled into bed with me. He slept on the other side, didn't say a word, and made a special effort not to get near me. I told him I was angry. He pulled out his cellphone and started texting and I knew he was texting his roommate. So I made the comment, "Texting your girlfriend?" I realize it was kind of mean but I honestly felt hurt by the way he treated me... he had never done that before. 

Then, maybe 60 seconds later, he jumped up, started throwing on his clothes, fell to the ground and then ran for the door, crying really loudly. This caught me off guard and I didn't know what to do. I stopped him before he could leave my house and told him if he needed a ride I could give him that. 

He was crying really loudly at this point. Almost screaming. I can't remember exactly what happened next except that he ended up back on top of my bed curled up tightly and crying so hard that he was gagging and wretching. I saw his hands clapsed really tightly together and this morning there were purple marks from his fingernails. 

After a few minutes of this, and being really weired out, I realized it was something more than just being drunk and crying. I tried to get him to relax and stop shouting. He wouldn't let me touch him for a good 15 minutes but after that, just holding him seemed to help. I knew in the back of my mind this was probably something to just ride out, but I still almost called an ambulance.

He said he felt like dying. 
He said he couldn't breathe.
He said he couldn't stop.
His face was pale pale white and his nose was running a lot.
His eyes were bloodshot (maybe just drinkind and crying).
His whole body was tense and when he wasn't flailing around he was completely rigid except for occasionally shaking really violently.

And all of this was sputtered to me inbetween really intense crying. I told him to quiet down thinking that would make him stop but I think it just made it worse. 

He just lay on my bed looking at the ceiling with his mouth open and his eyes darting back and forth across the celing crying silently. 

I saw blood in his spit and I'm guessing it is from stress on his throat or something. 

This is when I almost called 911 because he really wasn't controlling his body or face anymore and it was terrifying. 

I tried to help him control his breathing by breathing with him and talking slowly. I held him for a good while and sang to him. This seemed to help the most but as soon as I would stop he would start shaking and any progess we made in calming down was lost. After holding him and reminding him to relax his hands and his neck and to control his breathing he calmed down enough to lay on my bed completley exhausted and still sobbing. I kept telling him we would get through this and that tomorrow he could tell me all about what was going on.

In the morning he told me that it was an "anxiety attack" and that he used to get them a lot in middle and highschool but that he hadn't gotten one in a long time. When I asked how long, he said a year. 
Is this really a long time to not have an attack? 
It doesn't seem so to me, but I wouldn't know. He hasn't ever seen a professional about this.

He said they would always happen when he was by himself in his room and the only people that knew about these attacks were probably his two brothers and maybe his mom (his parents had a messy divorce when he was in 8th grade that left the house in ruins and his family too). And even those people would have only known because they heard him in his room. 

He apologized a lot and cried some more and I got the impression that he was really embarassed.

Anyways, I know that was long I just wanted to be thorough. Could you point me in a direction that could help me understand what he was going through?
If he will go through it again?
If my course of action was correct?
Or maybe you could tell me if I've been dating a crazy person. I don't really think so, but I would just like some reassurance or a little help. I guess I want help with helping him. 

Thanks for reading all that.


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## Into The Light

*Re: Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit -- Its Long Post But Please Help*

welcome to psychlinks, i am glad you have found us.

the first thing i want to tell you is that no, you have not been dating a crazy person. you are dating a person who suffered a panic attack. this does not make him crazy. it's a really horrible experience to go through (i've had them myself) and completely exhausting. i had them during a period in my life when i was just burned out from everything. when the body is under a lot of stress for a prolonged period of time this can happen. i am not saying that this is the case for your boyfriend, but that this is how it was for me. 

there are a number of factors that can lead to a panic attack. i am no expert so i can't really explain, maybe others here can. the alcohol may have been part of the problem, or maybe your comment set something off in him (maybe to do with his parents' messy divorce?), or both, or.. who knows.

it sounds like you did do the right thing, you helped him calm down and relax. part of the problem with a panic attack is that it can be so frightening that the person having it may at first not be able to calm down on their own.

the best thing i think you can do to help him with this is to talk to him about it, be open about it, and try to learn about it as much as possible. i know this was very frightening for you since you didn't know he used to get them and also you may have never seen someone in that state before. 

i hope this helps. welcome again


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## Daniel

*Re: Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit -- Its Long Post But Please Help*

:agree:

Welcome to the forum


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## NicNak

*Re: Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit -- Its Long Post But Please Help*

I think it is wonderful that you are here, trying to help find ways to assist your boyfriend.  By the way, :welcome: to Psychlinks

I too have panic attacks.  You did all that anyone could do in this situation.  You were there to consold him and you were patient.   You did a wonderful thing to be there for him.  It is not easy for someone to watch that either and you stayed strong for him.  

Sometimes if the person having a panic attack will except it, once the attack has leveled off a bit,  a glass of cool water assists to comfort them a bit.  Only give it if they are sitting up.  Even sometimes asking if there is anything they need, calmly.  

You also avoided all the words someone with a panic attack should not hear.  Eg.  Relax, snap out of it, etc.

I would suggest your boyfriend seek some professional help.  That to me sounded like a pretty severe panic attack.  There are ways to manage the attacks so they do not escalate to that level.

Your boyfriend will probably be tired for a few days as a result of the attack.

Panic attacks don't make a person a crazy person.   

I have to say it again.  You did and are doing such a caring thing, coming her for information on how to assist him.  Also doing what you did during the panic attack was a wonderful thing.  :flowers:


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## Mari

*Re: Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit -- Its Long Post But Please Help*

Welcome to the forum ssbann. If you have been comfortable with him until now then I think things could work out okay. You did what you thought was best at the time but I am glad that you are not just leaving it at that. Alcohol can cause so many problems and I think you would want to consider, what if it happens again? What would you do? You might need to call for help. I do think it is time for him to consider professional help. It sounds like you handled a very difficult situation and could use a little TLC yourself. :support: Mari


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## ssbann

*Re: Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit -- Its Long Post But Please Help*

You guys are sweet. Thanks!


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## ladylore

*Re: Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit -- Its Long Post But Please Help*

Welcome ssban.


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## Sparrow

*Re: Scary Uncontrollable Crying Fit -- Its Long Post But Please Help*

Hi there ssbn and a warm :welcome2: to Psychlinks.

I think you handled the situation very well. :tiphat: to you.

I read your post carefully but do not know your boyfriends situation.

This incident just a ... fluke, out of the ordinary?

Rule out any alcohol or drugs. Sorry, that's my true read and if I'm wrong I really apologize. For what it's worth, I've had panic attacks, severe ones in public and in private.

It would be great to hear things turned around for the better for you and your friend in the next day or so.

Now you have a reason to c'mon back! 
:support: to you ssbn.

:budgie:


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## Jazzey

Welcome to psychlinks ssban. :welcome2:


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## David Baxter PhD

I have to say that my first thought was that he may have consumed more than alcohol. What you describe sounds like a little beyond most panic attacks.


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## Daniel

ssbann said:


> He just lay on my bed looking at the ceiling with his mouth open and his eyes darting back and forth across the celing crying silently.


 
BTW:



> This is associated with abnormal eye movements called nystagmus, specifically positional alcohol nystagmus
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Short-term_effects_of_alcohol


Of course, nystagmus can be caused by other substances/drugs as well, not just alcohol.


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## David Baxter PhD

Interesting information, Daniel. I learned a few things there. :goodpost:


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## amastie

Welcome to PsychLinks ssbann  :hithere:

I"m sorry that you experienced so intense an experience with your boyfriend.
Would he consider seeing a therapist at al?

Sending you my thoughts at this time :support:

amastie


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## ssbann

David Baxter said:


> I have to say that my first thought was that he may have consumed more than alcohol. What you describe sounds like a little beyond most panic attacks.



I know he didn't consume more than alcohol. I can promise that. Unless you count my mashed potatoes and fried chicken. : ) He doesn't do anything other than drink--and even that only occasionally. 

I was thinking the same thing, though (beyond most panic attacks part). I'm still reading up on panic attacks and his episode just seemed a lot more emotional or something. Like he was so sad that he actually wanted to die and this was the only way he could manifest thoses feelings. Anyways--on someone else's compy. I'll have more to say later.

*ssbann added 23 Minutes and 12 Seconds later...*


He is really emotional (which is why I love him) and he really did seem hopeless which is why I posted under this topic. But still, he said he couldn't stop and he wasn't in control.

It just wasn't healthy and that is not what I want for him.

This episode seemed a lot more emotionally driven and not so much chemically driven, if that makes any sense.


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## Jazzey

Hi ssban,

Other than his behaviour last night, how is his behaviour generally?  Has he changed in any way?  Did he tell you anything more about what happened last night?


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## ssbann

Jazzey said:


> Hi ssban,
> 
> Other than his behaviour last night, how is his behaviour generally?  Has he changed in any way?  Did he tell you anything more about what happened last night?



Generally he is an upbeat person. He is pretty quiet in big groups of people or around strangers but if he isn't talking he is probably smiling. He does get moody though, and it can be almost impossible to get him out of the house or even smile. I would say he has these down periods for most of the day probably 2 or 3 times a month. It hasn't interferred with his day-to-day living and I wouldn't consider it strange.

Yesterday he was being a little weird, maybe just tired. But today we had a great day, we had breakfast, worked on a painting, joked around, and he helped me with my homework. It was actually a really good day.

He hasn't mentioned anything since the morning after. I didn't ask much then either, because he would start to cry when telling me how he felt during the episode.

I wanted to ask some questions today but decided against it because I didn't want to bring him down.

Haha--he would be totally weirded out if he knew I was just chatting with people online about this.


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## Jazzey

> Haha--he would be totally weirded out if he knew I was just chatting with people online about this.


   Well, the intention is good and it's still pretty "anonymous" 

I suffer from panic attacks ssban.  I've had a few usually triggered by really stressful situations, and sometimes they show up when I least expect them.  Given some of the symptoms that you described, I do think it would be worth it to your bf to be checked out by a doctor (the blood in the saliva is worrisome).  If he does go and see a doctor, he will have to be very honest about alcohol consumption and/or drug use.  I would encourage him to go and talk to a doctor.  

In my experience, alcohol consumption increases my anxiety and usually, can trigger a panic attack although for me it's usually the next day.

I hope he finds relief for them - they can be very scary and terribly draining.  Maybe you can broach that topic with him at some point.  

In the meantime, don't hesitate to post and ask questions.  I'm sure other members would be happy to offer insight in their experiences with panic attacks and anxiety.


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## NicNak

ssbann said:


> I would say he has these down periods for most of the day probably 2 or 3 times a month.



Does anything happen before these down times?  Anything upset him?  Busy day or weekend?



ssbann said:


> Yesterday he was being a little weird, maybe just tired.



Weird in what way?  It is understandable he would be tired.  Just wondering what you mean about weird.


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## ssbann

Thanks bunches. To you, jazzey, and everybody else.
:grouphug3:


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## Daniel

Regarding blood in saliva, some possibilities:



> *Vomiting of Blood*
> The vomiting of blood is also known as hematemesis and is an extremely serious condition. _*The vomiting of blood is usually caused by gastritis that occurs after excessive alcohol intake*_ or anti-inflammatory medicine intake. It could also be attributed to more serious causes such as stomach ulcers or cancer of the stomach.
> 
> Blood - ThinkQuest


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## Sparrow

Hello again ssbn,

It was good to hear you thinking about previous thoughts of replies.

Here's one. 

Perhaps your boyfriend is just... fine?

Don't rule it out 

I probabily drool like rabies some days. 

Mmm.. How to phrase ... :tapfingers:

We all pass gas some days?

:budgie:


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## ssbann

Daniel--

I would say the amount of blood was more closely related to the fact that he was wretching and gagging.

Blood in vomit (hematemesis)
Bright red streaks of blood in the vomit can be caused by irritation of the mouth or nose from vomiting. This is not serious if there is only a small streak of blood that you are quite sure came from your mouth or nose.

(Quoted directly from the RevolutionHealth website -- I'm not allowed to post links yet  )

*ssbann added 2 Minutes and 2 Seconds later...*



Sparrow said:


> Hello again ssbn,
> 
> Perhaps your boyfriend is just... fine?
> 
> Don't rule it out



I haven't at all.  Its what I'm hoping for, but the whole experience was so unnerving and out of character, I really just want to be safe.


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## Daniel

ssbann said:
			
		

> I would say the amount of blood was more closely related to the fact that he was wretching and gagging.
> 
> Blood in vomit (hematemesis)
> Bright red streaks of blood in the vomit can be caused by irritation of the mouth or nose from vomiting. This is not serious if there is only a small streak of blood that you are quite sure came from your mouth or nose.


That does make more sense, at least if he is not a chronic drinker of alcohol since occasional drinking -- just like taking an occasional aspirin -- is not likely to cause one to spit up blood.  But that's just from what I have read.

Of course, I think he should be seeing a doctor, anyway.  I would want my primary physician to rule out ulcers, etc. in addition to providing treatment or referrals for treatment of the anxiety, etc.


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## Halo

Daniel said:


> Of course, I think he should be seeing a doctor, anyway.  I would want my primary physician to rule out ulcers, etc. in addition to providing treatment or referrals for treatment of the anxiety, etc.



:agree:  It probably is a good idea.  Do you think that he would be up to that?


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## Sparrow

:agree: Was there a long time ago. Not talking about biting my tongue either.
Ulcers and coughing blood I did but in hindsight, painkillers and alcohol are not a good mix to begin with.

:budgie:


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## ssbann

Halo said:


> :agree:  It probably is a good idea.  Do you think that he would be up to that?



To be honest, I don't think so. 

I was hoping to find out that this was a specific kind of reaction that is documented or something so that I could have a good argument for him to go see someone--or at least try to talk about the things that bother him with me more often and more openly.

Even if he openly admitted that he would seek some help, I highly highly doubt be could afford it. Both of us are up to our ears in student loans and the extra money just isn't there.


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## NicNak

There are usually student services in the colleges or universities that offer Health including Mental Health support free to their students.

Just an idea to maybe check into.


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