# At the end of a long rope & not sure what to do



## Armored (May 11, 2012)

Ok I'm new to this so it's kinda weird for me but someone I know told me to try this out...umm I have had so many issues lately and in the past two if thn being indigenous depression and also insomnia ...my house wasn't great growing up...I ha a very disfunstional loving family....my parents care abou me and my brothers but my mom thinks in out to get her (her words) and all I want to ever do is make her mad or disappionted....

my father is cold hard calculating never told me he so much as liked me he tells me he loves me but I never see or sense any conviction just frustration and anytime he and I have ever had a long conversation it's was him telling me how disappionted I am To him and how imma end up doing drugs and being a drunk....my mom has taken me and shoved me on the stairs and screamed in my face because she though I stole money from her purse but that fact was I had just woken up...well that some of the past now fast foward to 2012 Im in school and I wanted my girlfriend to come to school with me and she wanted to as well and this cause such an issue with my parents they hated it told me I would cut off and they wouldn't help me at all and how I'm going to ruin my life...

well it got to the point where my girlfriend almost didn't come and I fell into a huge depression because my parents wouldn't talk to me....they called her a whore, a slut, said she is going to get pregnant and I'm going drop out of school and ruin our lives, and they took the money for my college away from me and also the money in my bank account left over from working summer jobs....

I didn't know what to do so I told my gf not to come to stay and just stay away from me cuz it wasn't going to work like this...she didn't listen (thank god) and she came and has been helping me out...there has been many things that they have done to me that have just been all most too much....I do see from there side though...I see how I hurt them and I apologize and try to make it work but they just seem to want to continue to fight...the stress depression and anxiety this has caused has been effecting my school work to the point that I am in danger if losing my financial aid and that was the only thing keeping me in school right now I don't have a car or a license I really have nothing...my parents wanted to give me a monthly allowance for the summer and when I said 100$ a month is what I would need from them (knowing I won't get any more) my dad said that my prepossessing was rediculious and never gave me money...

I'm on campus during the summer and they dont have the caffateria open so I need to buy my own food but I has no money and just started a job and won't get paid for another week...if my girlfriend hadn't come I wouldn't be eating right now...she had money for food and have been making dinner for us everynignt since the semester ended.....

I've been told by a therapist that u have an IQ of 192 And that my mind is extremely creative and I can process multiple thing at one time and that I could do whatever I wanted because of these things....but lately I feel like he lied or got my tests mixed up with someone else because I needed to get a 2.0 and I couldn't even do that dispite I tried as hard as I could to do so....people have told me I am extremely intelligent but again I think someone got something wrong because if I was everything people have said I would be able to deal with all this and vice things with my parents...

I have two younger brother one is 8 and the boy will swear to you up and down, and will fight you if say he is wrong, that I am a superhero and I can do anything.....I use to feel like that...I use to feel like I was the superhero he thought me to be...that I was "Iron Man" as he says....but with everything going on i don't feel that way....I don't know if I ever will....

I don't feel I will be able to make anyone proud anymore becaus do might get kicked outta schoo with no money and no where to go....I have a choice to go to georgia and live there with my gf but if I do I have to sign up as a new freshmen and start over...also it's near her family and my parents hate them a lot and if I go they won't let me see my brothers and the worst parts happen all over again....and even my other brother will hate me he grew up with all the same problems I did but my parents treat him like he is the savior of our family name...because to them I have soiled it.... I love him he is smart funny fast strong and an amazing soccer player....he is kind and everything I never turned out to be which is great....but not being around has made him hate me...

my parents call him by my name when they get mad or he does something bad and say things like " you want to end up failin like ur brother?"....my brother thinks I'm a drug addict, drunk, and a sex fiend but the fact is Im not....things are getting better but if I leave to go to Georgia I will lose him again and if I go home idk what will happen to me being in that house hold....

and if they don't take me in and I don't go bak imma be in the street with no where to go....

.idk what to do school in georgia is cheaper but my brothers mean to much to me to lose....

please if someone can help tell me sorry for the long post it's just a long story if you have any questions tell me and I can answer and if I didn't explain anything I can and will but uh yeh thanks for reading


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## forgetmenot (May 12, 2012)

All i can say if you are 18 then it is time to Live YOUR life   Parents  mean well but you have to follow your dreams  your ambitions ok  Your brother will always need you  so keep it touch ok phone him often  text   but for you to grow  you will need to leave the toxic environment you are in.   Just my thought though  i hope you bring all this up with your therapist   hugs


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## H011yHawkJ311yBean (May 12, 2012)

It's really really tough not to believe you're okay when most of your life you've been treated with scorn.  My 2 cents is you need to get away from that.    

Like you, I had some time to grow on my own.  It's not you that is abandoning them, it seems they are making your life miserable, and you shouldn't have to live with that.  If they were any people other than your own family, would you even give them the time of day?

It might be tough for your brothers, but you might be giving them a better example by leaving that toxic environment than staying.  If you come back and leave all you love behind (independence, boundaries, freedom, sanity, self esteem, your girlfriend), then you are teaching them that this is an acceptable environment to stay in.  

I have my own ideas about why your parents are trying to turn your siblings against you, but perhaps you can email your brothers (hotmail or gmail can be opened on anyone's computer, so then they don't have to fear communicating with you while they are at home)....  Make it as clear as you can that you do love them, you want to help them, but you aren't their mom and dad, you are their brother.  You have to look after you or you won't be any good to help them or anyone else.  There may be a time later that you can help them, but they need to learn to help themselves the way you are.

Tell your brothers if your parents ever do anything to harm them, who can they go to for help (you, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, neighbours, police, child services, etc)...  

Maybe you can even arrange for them to visit you (just your brothers) for a long weekend or something.


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## Armored (May 13, 2012)

yeh i think maybe you right about getting away im just afraid of what will happen...i dont know i guess i just dot have faith that things wil work out you know? ive been getting all my paper work together and things like that so that ill be ready to go where i think i should. I just feel like no matter where i go ( to Georgia or with my parents) im going to lose someone important to me in my life .


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## H011yHawkJ311yBean (May 13, 2012)

It's a very personal choice and very tough call.

I suppose you have to go with what you feel is the right one, or whichever choice is the least wrong...  8P  When faced with these types of choices you almost have to go with the one that might be the long way around to getting to where it's the most good.  You know what I mean?  A lot of people choose what the "best" choice is for the now, but don't take into account where that decision might take them later on.  A good choice sometimes seems like the wrong one but ends up being the best one in the long run.  

It's just my two cents, but it seems like your parents want you to choose your family over your girlfriend, your home over your life/lifestyle.  In my humble opinion that seems wrong to me.  Even if it was right, to force a loved one into an ultimatum between themselves and another one, that's terrible.  That's like saying, "You can't love me AND dad, you can only love ME."  Or "You can't love your little brother just your older brother."  I don't understand why they can't see that you love your family, you love your home, but you also love your girl.  You're nearly an adult (18 is considered more adult in some cultures than others)...  You are trying to find yourself and your own space.  It sounds like this is difficult for your parents to grasp.

Is there a therapist our counselor you can talk to about this or even a priest or elder in your community that you can get advice from?


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## Armored (May 14, 2012)

My cousin is getting married soon and that is going to be the next time i see my parents. I decided I'm going to go to georgia and i would like to be able to talk to my parents and have them understand my decision and that i think its the best thing for me to do instead of going home. I just don't know how to get them to see that if i did that it would be going backwards and i would be able to move forward in my life like i would by going to Georgia.


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## H011yHawkJ311yBean (May 14, 2012)

Well, explain as best you can.   If they aren't willing to listen, you tried.  

It sounds to me like you're a very intelligent person, you want to grow on your own for a while.  I don't know any adult who would do otherwise.  Seems like a natural progression.

Perhaps your family will need some time away to learn to appreciate you better.   Some people are better at accepting change once they realize it's out of their control.  An adult is not someone who should continue to be treated like a child.  If you make mistakes, at least you can own them and learn from them.  If people don't change and never move on they don't grow.  Perhaps your parents are trying to protect you from the big world, but too much protection is about as bad as no protection at all.  If you're hidden forever from the world, you won't learn new things, meet new people, etc.

Keep us posted.  8)


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## rdw (May 15, 2012)

I would almost bet that your parents are looking to hear your plan for the future and how you will implement that plan. If you give them that and show them a good degree of maturity you should be able to move the relationship to an adult footing. Think your plan through - good luck


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