# Finding hope



## Cat Dancer (Dec 29, 2004)

What are some things that a person can do when it is hard to see that there is any hope for a future? 

If you're in a bad situation and you can't see any way out of it how can you make the most of the situation that you're in?

I guess I'm thinking of little things that one could do.


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## ThatLady (Dec 29, 2004)

One way to evaluate the real seriousness of a situation, to me, is to ask oneself "What difference will the outcome of this make to my life in two weeks?". Asking this question, and answering it honestly, will quickly identify those situations that are temporary and will not have any lasting negative effects. If, however, the answer is "If this situation continues as it is, I will continue to suffer as I am suffering now.", you've identified a problem that needs to be dealt with quickly and effectively.

A good example of the first situation is a person who has, in a fit of pique, cut their own hair and now looks like Dracula's grandmother. Hair grows. In two weeks, the hideous problem will have disappeared.

A good example of the second situation is a person who lives with someone who denigrates them constantly, preying on their self-esteem, destroying their dignity, and feeding off their misery like some giant, slimy leech. This situation is not going to be rectified in two weeks unless somebody does something about it now. It's only going to get worse.


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## Nutmeg (Dec 29, 2004)

This may be simplistic but when I'm feeling really despondent I go to the library. I feel better in a library. Other things I might do:

--- buy myself a small gift.

--- read.

--- talk to a friend.

--- call my therp.

--- tell myself "this too shall pass," or "I won't let this ruin my day." I.e., stay in the present moment.

nutmeg


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## Cat Dancer (Dec 29, 2004)

ThatLady said:
			
		

> .
> 
> A good example of the second situation is a person who lives with someone who denigrates them constantly, preying on their self-esteem, destroying their dignity, and feeding off their misery like some giant, slimy leech. This situation is not going to be rectified in two weeks unless somebody does something about it now. It's only going to get worse.



How does one even begin to believe that they don't deserve this? 


Nutmeg, I like the library idea. There is something comforting and safe about a library. 

Some of the things I used to do where:

Take pictures

Read

Work on this wooden dollhouse that I've been working on for years, seems kind of silly now as it can never be used for its intended purpose

clean

paint my toenails weird, glittery colors

pet my dog and cats

play computer games

go for a walk

I would like to have some friends. I'm too weird and reclusive though.


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## ThatLady (Dec 29, 2004)

Believing that you don't deserve constant denigration is as easy as asking yourself: "Would I do that to somebody else, knowing how it hurts?". I think you've found, by posting here, that none of us believe you deserve this. Sooo, you wouldn't do it to someone else (You've said you wouldn't in the past), and none of us would do it to someone else, nor do we believe you deserve it. Looks like pretty darned good evidence to me.


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## Cat Dancer (Dec 29, 2004)

There is just so much inconsistancy in my life, my whole life. Just when I think I have found the secret to make my family love me, the rules change and it's just back to what feels like them hating me. I don't think they really do hate me, but there is just a lot of hurt.

I have tried to treat people well. I don't think it's ever enough though.


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## ThatLady (Dec 29, 2004)

If every time you think you've found the secret to family harmony "somebody" changes the rules, might it be possible that "somebody" wants to keep you on a slippery slope?


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## Nutmeg (Dec 29, 2004)

janetr said:
			
		

> How does one even begin to believe that they don't deserve this?



This reinforces the "I don't deserve anything" idea. Instead, how about, "I am deserving of all good things in life." This is an affirmation to reinforce a new idea. 




> I would like to have some friends. I'm too weird and reclusive though.



Try an experiment of being less wierd and reclusive.


The things you used to do sound really good. I hope you can do some of them again.

nutmeg


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## Jon (Dec 30, 2004)

*Hope is found through sharing NOT by searching...*

I believe strongly that Hope is found through sharing NOT by searching....  Let me try to explain what I mean by that.

When I was a child I was loved and well cared for.  I was the child every parent wanted - clean, smart, always said "I'd be happy to.." whenever asked to do something.  Then I became a teenager and grew my own brain and something started changing.  My mom & I fought a lot and eventually at 17 I was kicked out.  My life went way down hill from there, but that is another story.

After some time of climbing back up from the bottom of lifes pits, I returned to my family to find that I would not be treated the same anymore.  I was now an outsider who was allowed to be with the family.  This hurt and went on for some time.  I always HOPED that this would change and they would treat me the way they once did.  Eventually I discovered the truth that was in front of me the whole time but never saw.

My family blamed themselves for what happened with me and having me around was a reminder of their weakness.  I approached my parents and told them how I felt.  I told them that I forgave them and asked their forgiveness for any pain I had caused them.  The healing began and now just a few years later we are all strong family again.  



> *If you're in a bad situation and you can't see any way out of it how can you make the most of the situation that you're in?*[



There are some great suggestions here about this, and I'm sure more will surface.  For me, I found that the greatest way to overcome your own problems is through service to others.  Take a break and go volunteer at a homeless shelter or visit the elderly in a rest home, look around and see if there is a way in which you can help someone else.  When you help others, your own problems seem to fade into the background and both you and someone else find a little bit of hope each time.

I was once bottomed out, depressed, suicidal, etc.  The thing that pulled me out the most and makes life exciting to me, is through sharing my experiences and time to help others achieve the same.


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## Cat Dancer (Dec 30, 2004)

*Re: Hope is found through sharing NOT by searching...*



			
				Jon said:
			
		

> There are some great suggetions here about this, and I'm sure more will surface.  For me, I found that the greatest way to overcome your own problems is through service to others.  Take a break and go volunteer at a homeless shelter or visit the elderly in a rest home, look around and see if there is a way in which you can help someone else.  When you help others, your own problems seem to fade into the background and both you and someone else find a little bit of hope each time.



I agree with this. That is good advice. Maybe one of the only things that matter in the world is our connections with other people. I'm not very good at it.


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## ThatLady (Dec 30, 2004)

If you think you're not good at making connections with others, or at helping those less fortunate than yourself, think how much better you are at it than those who never even try to do so at all.


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 6, 2005)

In another month or so the crocuses will be coming up and blooming. To me, that's hope. A little tiny bright spot in a cold, dark world. It amazes me how something so small and fragile looking can be so brave and strong.


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## HA (Jan 6, 2005)

That's a nice visual for me to think about , Janet.  Thanks. They are just so pretty and I wanted to plant more last fall but forgot. A month? It will be 3mths for us up here with the igloos.


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