# Please help me get help for my Girlfriend



## Greg_23_ (May 31, 2005)

Hi,

I think my Girlfriend needs some private counselling or maybe a support group of some sort.  I'm just not sure what advice to give her and want to desparately help.  Here's the situation:

She is in her later 20's now and has had nightmares, thoughts of suicide, anxiety attacks (I mean she breaks down crying and shaking) since she was in her mid-teens and witnessed her father's murder.  I don't know what to say to help make her feel better when this happens, except hug her and tell her everything is okay - but I'm sure this hardly helps at all...

When the incident happened she only told one sibling that happened to come home first and discover the scene, because she didn't want her family to know and go through the trauma... her dad was near-death dying of cancer at the time, so she was able to cover it up (with her sibling) that he passed away from that.  I'm only mentioning these details because it might influence your response in the type of counselling I need to help her seek.  I'm sure it has caused more repression or something than it otherwise would have.  I am well aware that this would be a felony or illegal in some way and the police should be involved if this were in Canada - but this happened in a third world country some time ago now.

I live in Barrie, Canada - which is a city near Toronto.  She speaks spanish, though her english is okay.  I believe if services were available in spanish she'd be more comfortable.  I'm hoping to receive some advice on what kind of services to seek... we don't have much money to spend on expensive psychology sessions, though if it is the only solution please do say so...

If you can direct me to some resources on how I can help her in anyway myself - just what the right things to say are, and what NOT to say that would be appreciated as well.

Thanks for your concern and for providing this type of sevice!


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## pip (Jun 2, 2005)

I can't offer any official advice, but i've had a similar problem for a few years (the anxietyattacks, and the nightmares).

What always helps me is having my boyfriend rub my back, and reminding myself that i'm okay, and it's all over. I suppose, you could suggest that next time she is having an anxiety attack she forces herself to take a minute and evaluate the situations. I.E. is she safe?

I also know that taking self-defence classes helped me, because it made me feel stronger, and more confident and able to take care of myself. that might help as well.

Also, if she were able to maybe talk about the situation openly to you, or to keep a journal or something where she can write down or share everything, it might help her deal with it. A therapist would definitely be able to help her with that.

Again, *please* don't take this as anything but personal advice, as i have absolutely no credentials.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 3, 2005)

Your girlfriend is probably suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

If you have limited means, you might try to get a referral to a psychiatrist in Barrie or Toronto, or to one of the hospitals with a psychology department. There will be a waiting list for sure but it could mean you'd be able to obtain services for her which wouldn't create financial stress. Depending on the hospital, you may even be able to find a Spanish speaking therapist.

You might also contact the College of Psychologists of Ontario at CPO Public – Regulating Psychologists and Psychological Associates in Ontario -- their directory would include languages in which the the psychologist provides services.

Another option would be to inquire about services offered by the nearest university -- psychology department.


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## jojorae (Oct 13, 2005)

First of all you seem to be a wonderful boyfriend. The intuition you have about your gf situation is that of a very caring person. Insight is the question. I am no psychologist but I think a therapy group would be something to consider. For her but also for yourself. You both could find great refuge in seeking counseling. I work in the mental health field and suggest you look into your Community Mental Health program. Sometimes referred as CMH. Now I am unaware if you have one in your local community, but if you do, it is less expensive and offers a good network of opprotunities. Good luck. Let me know.


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## jojorae (Oct 13, 2005)

First of all you seem to be a wonderful boyfriend. The intuition you have about your gf situation is that of a very caring person. Insight is the question. I am no psychologist but I think a therapy group would be something to consider. For her but also for yourself. You both could find great refuge in seeking counseling. I work in the mental health field and suggest you look into your Community Mental Health program. Sometimes referred as CMH. Now I am unaware if you have one in your local community, but if you do, it is less expensive and offers a good network of opprotunities. Good luck. Let me know.


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