# Considering suicide..



## agency (Jan 12, 2009)

Hi everyone, I am sorry for making my first post so dramatic, but I really needed to get this out as soon as possible. I?ve had an increasing desire to commit suicide lately, as in, it?s something I think about every single day. Beforehand, knowing what it would do to my parents/family (I?m sure my friends would be upset too, but would probably get over it) has prevented me from doing it, but now, even that no longer seems like a powerful enough motive to stay alive.  

The reason is straightforward, but it has been the source of severe depression, anxiety and frustration for several years now, and I?ve been seemingly unable to fix it. Actually, I guess nothing in life is straightforward, but in the most simplified terms, the problem is my relationship to the opposite gender. 

That is, I seem to be entirely socially unequipped to interact with women in any sort of romantic way. I?m not going to bother going into the specifics of how this social inadequacy manifests itself in any or each particular case, but what makes this even more confusing and frustrating is that I am not socially stunted in any other way, there is nothing wrong with my appearance, and females do have the capacity to be attracted to me, but I always screw everything up whenever there is one that I am really interested in. 

I am now 23 and still a virgin, and persistently suffer from the multifaceted anxieties inherent in a condition that leaves such basic social and biological parameters unsatisfied. I am no longer able to focus on my undergraduate work, I?ve been growing increasingly more neurotic and depressive, and no longer even make for interesting or stimulating social company ? all I want to do is sleep and get drunk. I feel like it is just too late for me, since if I was to enter a romantic or sexual relationship now, my sexual skill level would be dramatically inconsistent with my age, and any sexual encounter would likely lead to embarrassment and humiliation and thus serve to exacerbate my already overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and maladjustment. 

Anyways, I have no idea what to do. For the past while, I?ve been able to ignore my feelings in favor of focusing on more important pursuits like my work, but this has grown absolutely out of control, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. My suicidal urges don?t come in a sudden seizure of depression and hopelessness, they?re something that has been taking quite clear and sober form for a few months now, and I really am not seeing any other exit?I feel like ending my life would be the best way to make a ?clean getaway? and spare myself what has become an almost comically embarrassing situation..


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## Daniel (Jan 12, 2009)

*Re: considering suicide..*



> My suicidal urges don’t come in a sudden seizure of depression and hopelessness, they’re something that has been taking quite clear and sober form for a few months now,


You certainly need to see a therapist.    Many universities offer walk-in mental health counseling without the need for an appointment.


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## white page (Jan 12, 2009)

Hi and welcome Agency ,
You have done very well to come here and share your distress .



> Beforehand, knowing what it would do to my parents/family (I’m sure my friends would be upset too, but would probably get over it) has prevented me from doing it, but now, even that no longer seems like a powerful enough motive to stay alive.



Family and friends never get over the suicide of a loved one or a friend . 
The reason to stay alive is, because taking your life is not an option .
I hear your distress about relationship issues , and take them very seriously .
It would be a very good idea to see a therapist , who would help you , unravel the knots , I hear you when you say that it is becoming more and more oppresive and perhaps obssesional ,  you maybe feeling that you are about to burst ,  this is a very natural feeling when we feel that we will never get over the obstacles of sexual initiation . Our sexuality is an important part of our lives and when we feel we are inapt in an area where everybody else seems to be sucessful we feel great distress , but believe me 
things do change , and at times we need help , so please see a therapist as soon as possible , your life is precious and unique .  I know other members will agree with me and give you better and more informed advice , I just wanted you to know that you have been listened to and understood .
take care wp


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## NicNak (Jan 12, 2009)

*Re: considering suicide..*



agency said:


> Hi everyone, I am sorry for making my first post so dramatic, but I really needed to get this out as soon as possible.




Please don't be sorry.  We are here to support you and help you find ways to get help :support:



agency said:


> Anyways, I have no idea what to do. For the past while, I?ve been able to ignore my feelings in favor of focusing on more important pursuits like my work, but this has grown absolutely out of control, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.



I know it feels that way, but there are things that can help you cope. :support:



agency said:


> My suicidal urges don?t come in a sudden seizure of depression and hopelessness, they?re something that has been taking quite clear and sober form for a few months now, and I really am not seeing any other exit?I feel like ending my life would be the best way to make a ?clean getaway? and spare myself what has become an almost comically embarrassing situation..




As Daniel suggested you can see councilers at your university.

You can also check online to find suicide hotlines, where they can put you into contact with people who can help you through this.  There are solutions, I know it is hard to see it right now, but most of us here have been there before.  There is definately hope for help.  :hug:


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## gooblax (Jan 12, 2009)

:goodposting::agree:
Thankyou for sharing these thoughts with us, agency.


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## Jazzey (Jan 12, 2009)

Hi agency, 

I'm going to try and address the points in your post.  If I miss anything, feel free to guide me (or us) along.

First and foremost, your thoughts of suicide are just that, thoughts.  Because you're stressed, anxious, and suffering from severe depression, your thoughts are going down this path.  Having said that, they are big indicator that you need to seek help immediately.  As Daniel suggested, if you're not in imminent danger, you should go to your University's Health Services a.s.a.p. and speak to a doctor.

If you think that you may hurt yourself, please get yourself to an emergency room or call a hotline.  I'll post the link for these, although I don't know your location (feel free to PM me your location and I can provide you with the relevant hotline).

Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Resources - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help  & Mental Health Support Forum
Suicide Resources - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help  & Mental Health Support Forum



> knowing what it would do to my parents/family (I’m sure my friends would be upset too, but would probably get over it)



This is your biggest and most important reason to seek help.  Let me assure you that they will NOT get over it.  I have examples of this in my personal life - you don't get over a loved one's suicide.



> The reason is straightforward, but it has been the source of severe depression, anxiety and frustration for several years now,


Have you been diagnosed?  Have you seen or spoken with a doctor? A psychologist? or a psychiatrist?  I am diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.  It's debilitating Agency - I really recommend that you seek some help here.  Sometimes there are going to be issues that we can't deal with on our own - mental illness like this, is one of them.



> I am now 23 and still a virgin, and persistently suffer from the multifaceted anxieties inherent in a condition that leaves such basic social and biological parameters unsatisfied. I am no longer able to focus on my undergraduate work, I’ve been growing increasingly more neurotic and depressive, and no longer even make for interesting or stimulating social company – all I want to do is sleep and get drunk. I feel like it is just too late for me, since if I was to enter a romantic or sexual relationship now, my sexual skill level would be dramatically inconsistent with my age, and any sexual encounter would likely lead to embarrassment and humiliation and thus serve to exacerbate my already overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and maladjustment.



A psychologist can help you with all of these issues.



> Anyways, I have no idea what to do. For the past while, I’ve been able to ignore my feelings in favor of focusing on more important pursuits like my work, but this has grown absolutely out of control, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.



Sometimes with depression, we try and avoid thinking.  A good way of doing this is to develop the strategy of "working to forget".  This can lead to workoholism - which is not a good coping strategy for depression and anxiety.  



> My suicidal urges don’t come in a sudden seizure of depression and hopelessness, they’re something that has been taking quite clear and sober form for a few months now, and I really am not seeing any other exit…I feel like ending my life would be the best way to make a “clean getaway” and spare myself what has become an almost comically embarrassing situation..



They didn't for me either.  But suicide shouldn't be an option.  You don't see any other way to exist, for right now, because you're caught in the grips of depression.  Please, seek help immediately.  *Go to the nearest emergency room or call a hotline.*

On another thread, I just posted that my fog has begun to lift - I've just started taking anti-depressants for the first time in my life (I'm in my late thirties) and yet, I've known for roughly 10 years that I was suffering from depression & anxiety...There is hope Agency, I hope that you'll seek the immediate help that you obviously need tonight.


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## Halo (Jan 12, 2009)

First of all, welcome to Psychlinks, Agency :welcome2:

Second, I am sorry that you are feeling suicidal but as has been suggested, there is help available, the Samaritians, a Suicide Hotline and including going to your local hospital emergency, if needed.

You also may want to check out the good resources Here.

Take care


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## Sparrow (Jan 12, 2009)

*Re: considering suicide..*

Hi there agency,
Welcome to psychlinks.

I happen to appreciate you baring a bit of your honesty. It's hard to do, but a bit easier in this forum.
Have you sought out help? Through a doctor? Or persevered it for your health and best interests? That might sound generic but it works.
When you mention...





> all I want to do is sleep and get drunk.


What if you did not? Have you tried really hard not to? 
Like waking up early and NOT sleeping as much. Or putting the plug in the jug? And what about support, family, or friends?
Socially or intimately repressed, and undergrad to boot?
At the very least agency, go to your doctor and try to say what you have said here. I know it's hard to do in person :hair: but He/She may very well refer you to somebody who can help you. And really.. wouldn't you like to feel better?
I'm certain it would help you and your feelings, I really do.

:budgie:


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## agency (Jan 12, 2009)

Hey everyone, thanks a lot for your replies, I guess I will start by seeing my on-campus councilor as soon as I can. I am not yet about to kill myself, but I have noticed that my inclination to do that has been increasing steadily, and suicide has been seeming like the most appealing choice.  

I don't really believe I am depressed, or rather, I obviously am, what I mean is that the depression isn't my first cause - there is a fairly concrete reason for my feelings, and I don't really think that anti depressants or therapy would help me - the only thing that would is some sort of contact with a romantic partner. 

I have been to a therapist before, I stopped going because I wasn't finding it all that helpful, but I am perfectly willing to consider that maybe that just wasn't the right therapist for me or something. 

Sparrow, with regards to support of family and friends,  - I have trouble communicating with my closest family (parents) about anything too profound, (we speak a different language - both literally and figuratively) and I most certainly would not feel comfortable discussing sexual issues with them. As for friends, I feel like I would simply be burdening them with things they probably don't care that much about, since most of them are content in satisfying romantic relationships, and there really isn't anything new they can say to me other than like, "oh you will find someone eventually" which as you can probably imagine isn't a particularly insightful observation, at least not by this stage of my life. 

Again, I will talk to a mental health councilor at school, my doubt about it is that again, I do not have a vague anxiety, the problem is right in front of me, so I'm not really sure how a therapist (which the mental health councilor will probably send me to) can help with that, but I'll keep an open mind.


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## Jazzey (Jan 12, 2009)

> I have been to a therapist before, I stopped going because I wasn't finding it all that helpful, but I am perfectly willing to consider that maybe that just wasn't the right therapist for me or something.



Please do keep an open mind.  It takes a while to find the right fit..

I'm happy to hear that you'll seek help.  Welcome to psychlinks Agency, and I hope that you'll give us an update.


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## Daniel (Jan 12, 2009)

agency said:


> Again, I will talk to a mental health councilor at school, my doubt about it is that again, I do not have a vague anxiety, the problem is right in front of me, so I'm not really sure how a therapist (which the mental health councilor will probably send me to) can help with that, but I'll keep an open mind.



Therapy can help with pretty much anything, including the anxieties/insecurities you mention and the resulting downward spiral in negative thinking. 

BTW:

http://www.goaskalice.com/0775.html


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## ladylore (Jan 12, 2009)

Hi Agency. :hello:  :welcome:


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## NicNak (Jan 12, 2009)

:welcome: to Psychlinks :hithere:


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## agency (Jan 12, 2009)

Hey, thanks for the warm welcomes, I'd like to say how touched I am by everyone's support - as I said, this is a problem that I would rather not take up with my friends or family, so it's really nice to be able to find someone to talk to about it. 

Daniel, thank you for the link - I have attempted to find advice columns dealing with this subject before. It seems many of the responses provided therein tend to emphasize the idea of social/peer norms as being a major source of virgin anxiety. For me normalcy isn't really the issue (since I don't really think anyone would JUDGE me on that basis, at least not the peers I choose to surround myself with), the issue is more the simple biological urge of wanting to have sex, but being too confused and frightened to try to initiate it.  

Again, I'm gonna make it my first priority to consult a worker about this on-campus, I'll do that first thing tommorow, since the offices were already clsoed when I made my original post. 

Thanks again everyone, your responses have been really great..


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## Jazzey (Jan 12, 2009)

I'm really happy to hear that Agency


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## NicNak (Jan 12, 2009)

I am glad you are making a point to go see a campus counciller.  That is a great big step in the right direction :support:  

Please keep us posted on how things go.


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## agency (Jan 12, 2009)

Sorry for double posting, I can't seem to find the edit button. I just wanted to add how much I appreciate you guys not dismissing my issue as trivial or juvenile, since it amounts to basically not getting laid, and i realize there's people with far more "real" problems on here.


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## NicNak (Jan 12, 2009)

Your "issue" is not trivial or juvenile.  Suicidal thinking is serious, no matter what might be the root cause.  With me, there sometimes isn't even a root cause for my thinking that way.   Those thoughts are also quite scary. 

I am glad you talked to us Agency.  Always remember, there is help.  :support:


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## agency (Jan 14, 2009)

Hi, my campus doesn't have literal drop-in counseling, so I made an appointment for friday. It's not really psychological therapy, it's more just "personal counseling" but hopefully they will be helpful.


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## NicNak (Jan 14, 2009)

agency said:


> Hi, my campus doesn't have literal drop-in counseling, so I made an appointment for friday. It's not really psychological therapy, it's more just "personal counseling" but hopefully they will be helpful.



That is great Agency.  I am sure it will be helpful and there they may have other resources for you to try out as well.

Thanks for the update.  Glad you got an appointment to talk to someone, it is a step in the right direction for you to feel better!


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## Into The Light (Jan 14, 2009)

good luck agency, let us know how it turns out. and i also wanted to say welcome :hithere:


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## amastie (Jan 14, 2009)

Hi agency and welcome  to PsychLinks.

I'm glad that you are going to see someone with whom you can talk about this issue with, and I'm glad that you felt strong enough to talk about it here :support:

Quite apart from the distress your suicide would cause others,  I'm thinking more along the lines that there is time and opportunity for you to resolve this issue - certainly the feelings you have about it.  There is support, people who could help you.  You've not reached a total impasse.  It is only your feeling that says that you have.   Also, what you describe can happen as a *result* of underlying anxiety or depression for example.   I know that you believe you see the single reason, but in truth, you may not see what else is underlying the anxiety around the issue and a therapist can help you look at it in a wider perspective.

I worry when I see you finding only one way out when there may be many doors, some of which may at the very least lessen the feelings that you have about the problem.  Once your despair and anxiety are lessened, then you will be in a better situation to deal with the underlying causes.

Don't know if my words help you in any way.  I just want you  to know that I care as well and really want every possible chance for you to to live more happily 

For now,

amastie


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