# The Little Book of Complete Bollocks



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 12, 2009)

The Little Book of Complete Bollocks
_Health Psych Blog_ 
Friday, June 12, 2009

You know I do have a healthy respect for self-help books. There are a number of titles that I lend or recommend to my clients. However, I also think there are a number of books out there that are just full of meaningless psychobabble - bit like this blog really! The worst offenders are often amongst those tiny little books that you find at the checkout in the bookstore.

So, when I saw the above, _The Little Book of Complete Bollocks_, I just had to have it. The author is Alistair Beaton. To appreciate it, you need a certain level of skepticism towards self-help books but a certain level is healthy, right?

Remember, tongue firmly in cheek. Here's a few titbits from this little volume.


*CHANGE*. Embrace change but don't get into heavy petting with it.

*COLOUR THERAPY*. Try painting your therapist a different colour.

*IN TOUCH*. Get in touch with yourself by touching yourself. If someone is watching, stop touching yourself.

*NEGATIVE FEELINGS*. When you have negative feelings, write them down on a piece of paper. Then hold the paper above a lighted candle. As you watch the flame consume the paper, say to yourself 'Goodbye negative feelings.' Then go to the front door, throw it wide open and exclaim, 'Hello, postive feelings, come on in'. If you find there are no positive feelings on your doorstep at that particular moment, scream out loudly, 'YOU BASTARDS. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!'

*SATISFYING*. Satisfy your inner child by eating ten tubes of Smarties.

*SPRING CLEANING*. Spring clean your mind. Brush away the cobwebs of guilt, Scrub out the stains of anxiety. Hoover up the dust of depression. Take your brain to the drycleaners (don't lose the ticket).
I'd love to add more but, really, you'll just have to buy the book!


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## Jackie (Jun 12, 2009)

I love this, its very funny:lol:


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## white page (Jun 12, 2009)

:2thumbs::rofl:  That is so funny ,  it is an instant mood lightner, as a self help document it is priceless, I'll print it out and pin it up in my kitchen to make me smile  thanks!


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## NicNak (Jun 13, 2009)

David Baxter said:


> *COLOUR THERAPY*. Try painting your therapist a different colour.



I am not sure my Psychiatrist would appreciate this.  I would think to paint him Purple, like Barney the Dinosaur :lol:



> *SATISFYING*. Satisfy your inner child by eating ten tubes of Smarties.



My tummy and teeth hurt just reading this.  :teehee:



> *SPRING CLEANING*. Spring clean your mind. Brush away the cobwebs of guilt, Scrub out the stains of anxiety. Hoover up the dust of depression. Take your brain to the drycleaners (don't lose the ticket).



And all this time I wondered where my brain went.  I think tomorrow I will visit the drycleaners to see if  maybe they have it :blush:


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