# A little help needed



## monnia (Dec 17, 2004)

I honestly don't know what to say for an introduction so I'll just pass on right to the problem. I will just say that I'm pleased that there are forums like this and people like you, and that I believe that you can help. My “story” goes like this: Three years ago I finished high school and I went on a college that I have chosen right after elementary school. I’ve always strongly believed it was the best choice for me even though I knew it was a really hard one (college). And then difficulties started. It wasn’t the way I imagined it was much, much harder. I studied and I tried but I just couldn’t pass my exams. So, it lead to not passing that whole year, and I repeated it ‘cause I thought next time it will be better and since I still wanted to study on the chosen college. I decided to work harder. But I failed one more time. And I decided AGAIN to repeat the whole year-and failure again. The final failure happened in mid August and started to feel depressed than. My agony started at this point. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, to go out, to meet people, to socialize in any way, and it’s still that way. There are better days, and worse days but “all in all” it’s really bad. I started to question everything in my life, my friendships, my choices, my likes and dislikes, my wishes, my plans… I can’t find a single thing to hold on to. I don’t want to drop off the college (I suppose many of you are surprised by that) but I can’t help thinking where does it lead me? It’s hard for me to process any kind of emotions. And if someone asks me “How’s college?” I start to blush and feel very uncomfortable, and it’s embarrassing. The worst thing for me is that I’ve never been like this, ever. I was always known as a positive, cheerful person. And I can still sense a big potential in myself but I just don’t know how to put it in motion anymore. The crisis I’m having right now is probably culminating these past few months and it all started few years ago with my first college problems. I’m very ambitious and I guess that makes me problems often. I can’t deal with failure, that’s my opinion. I believe and I know that this will pass one day, it’s just that I don’t want to spend half of my life feeling miserable and frustrated and unworthy and unsatisfied. 

Sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker. Thanks for help in advance (I know that you will advice seeing a therapist) and than you for reading this long story of mine.


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 17, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*

Monnia, are there any guidance counsellors at your college who could advise you on why you're having a problem with your program? I wonder if the problem is this just isn't the right program for you -- maybe even at that same college you should be enrolled in a different program (for example, arts instead of science, biology instead of mathematics, or whatever) -- or is it that the course work is not too difficult for you but there is simply too much of it?

Another possibility is that you've simply chosen the wrong environment for you. I know here in Canada when i advise students on which university might be best I don't only consider the academic quality of the university but also the personality of the student -- some students just do much better in a smaller university where they can have more contact with professors and they feel less lost in the crowd. Others seem to do better in large busy universities.

Beyond that, I don't know what to say without more information, except that you mention you chose this university many years ago -- maybe you made the choice before you truly knew what you wanted/needed -- it's a bit like getting married at age 16 -- often, problems in the marriage develop over the years because the decision to commit to the marriage was made at a time when most people simply don't know enough about themselves to be able to make good choices like that. It's possible that in a different college you would do very well and if so I'd ask you if you think it's worth it to make yourself miserable trying to fit into and succeed at this particular college -- there's an expression in English about trying to fit a square peg into a round hole (it won't work, not because there's something wrong with you but because there's something wrong with the fit).


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## ThatLady (Dec 17, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*

Personally, I have always avoided using the word "failure". I guess I just don't like it. I don't think it always expresses the truth. Sometimes, what we call "failure" is just a bump in the road that we're unable to cross at the present time. Or, perhaps, we're trying to go in a direction we're not meant to go. Once we find that out, and change our direction, things often go much better.

You didn't say what you were studying in college. Have you taken any aptitude examinations? Most colleges have advisors available to help you find the right path for yourself. I can guarantee you, I'd never have made it through a physics course! 

Another alternative might be to look into a Junior College, or a Vocational College. There, you can get through your first two years of schooling with a little less pressure than is often found in the four-year colleges. It also helps you prepare to meet the demands of those last two years more easily.

But, before you do those things, I'm going to do what you expect me to do. I'm going to suggest you talk with a therapist, or a school counsellor, to discuss your feelings, your dreams, and ways those dreams might be brought to reality. If you're suffering from depression, study skills will certainly be lacking, as your concentration will not be at its best. There are treatments for depression that can help you along your way.

I'd also like to say that there's no need to apologize for your English. I'd not have known you were not a native speaker of the language had you not told me.


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## monnia (Dec 17, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*

Unfortunately, in the country I’m coming from there’s no such thing as counselor on college or attitude examinations or someone that could help you in your college life. As I already mentioned one of the biggest problems is that I don’t want to quit, I can’t think of any other thing that could interest me enough to study it or to be in that business one day. I’m studying electrotechnics-computer science and I believe I’ve always been more natural science than social science or artistic type. Thanks.



> I'd also like to say that there's no need to apologize for your English. I'd not have known you were not a native speaker of the language had you not told me.



Thank you very much. Maybe I should study English?


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## ThatLady (Dec 17, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*

Hee! If you did study English, you certainly wouldn't have to worry about not doing well at it, hon!

Are there therapists, or counsellors, available to you outside the education system? I'm sure you'd benefit by having someone to talk to about your concerns.


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## Nutmeg (Dec 18, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*

monnia,

My husband is a software engineer and he told me that his college studies were extremely difficult. He was working incredibly hard to pass his courses. These are really difficult classes _even for _people who enjoy them and who are good at them. I'm sure many people fail their college classes in engineering. I bet it's not uncommon at all. 

You may want to use your logic and ambition to find a way to reach your goal. Right now, you've tried the same way 2x and it hasn't worked. It's a bit illogical to repeat the same exact thing unless you think there is some difference that will create a new outcome. Otherwise, maybe there is an alternative angle, like going to a different school to learn it. If the goal is to be an engineer, what are some ways to make it happen?

Nutmeg


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## Daniel (Dec 18, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*



> Otherwise, maybe there is an alternative angle, like going to a different school to learn it. If the goal is to be an engineer, what are some ways to make it happen?



This is a good point by Nutmeg.   Most of these technology fields don't require a college degree for entry-level positions.  You can always go back and finish your degree later and/or get vocational training a vocational/community college.  (With enough on-the-job experience, a college degree is often not needed even for mid-level or senior positions.) 

What specific field are you interested in....software development, systems engineering/analysis, electrical engineering, database management?


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## monnia (Dec 19, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*



> Otherwise, maybe there is an alternative angle, like going to a different school to learn it. If the goal is to be an engineer, what are some ways to make it happen?





> What specific field are you interested in....software development, systems engineering/analysis, electrical engineering, database management?


Well, educational system is a bit different in my country then in US or Canada. College I’m attending is called Faculty of Electrical Engineering. It has three departments: 
 Department of Computer Science and Information Technology
 Department of Power Engineering and Industrial Systems
 Department of Electronics and Communications.
I’m interested in first one and I should be a part of it IF I pass first year. It’s the only college of that kind and for another one I should move to another country which I cannot afford. But I’m most concerned about me not having another interest that could lead me to a professional career. I just can’t think of anything that could satisfy me. And on the other hand I can’t seem to make a success in this choice I’ve made. I can’t stop asking myself:”Did I give my best?” and all similar kinds of questions.


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## Daniel (Dec 19, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*



> But I’m most concerned about me not having another interest that could lead me to a professional career.



Lots of people feel the same way, even after they graduate from college. Also, most people change their careers at least several times in their  professional life.

Have you done better in some computer classes than your other courses?  Have you already taken a course in computer programming, for example? Or are you mostly taking general courses like biology and history that are required for all college students?


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## monnia (Dec 19, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*



> Have you done better in some computer classes than your other courses? Have you already taken a course in computer programming, for example? Or are you mostly taking general courses like biology and history that are required for all college students?



Yes, I’ve taken some computer classes. For example Computer programming where I got the highest grade taking that exam but it’s not enough just to pass those subjects. Unfortunately, all similar colleges in region require almost identical subjects for example Physics, Mathematics (and everything you can imagine that goes with it), etc. So even if I would decide to study Programming or some specific field that concerns computers I would still have to take all of those subjects. Complicated, right? Now you can see why am I feeling so hopeless. I tried some advices I found on the Internet about studying for exams but they all seem so “light” for the way I have to prepare. It didn’t work. Maybe I didn’t find the right tips.
I just don’t know anything anymore…


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## Daniel (Dec 19, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*



> So even if I would decide to study Programming or some specific field that concerns computers I would still have to take all of those subjects.



Yes, this is exactly the way it is in the US with all four-year universities.



> For example Computer programming where I got the highest grade taking that exam but it’s not enough just to pass those subjects.


This is obviously a good sign that computer science is a good match for you. Most of the computer science majors I knew at the University of Florida did not like the advanced math courses.   Some did not even like the computer programming courses because of the pressure to finish their projects in time.

 Are your having most of your exams for this semester in the next week or two?  
I would just try to do your best, taking each day at a time.  For example, most of the techincal skills needed to be a software developer are self-taught while working on projects or learned on-the-job after college.


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## monnia (Dec 19, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*



> Most of the computer science majors I knew at the University of Florida did not like the advanced math courses. Some did not even like the computer programming courses because of the pressure to finish their projects in time.


Yes, that’s the exact problem. If I could choose my subjects it would be a lot easier, but I can’t. 


> Which courses are you having the most problems with right now? Are your having most of your exams for this semester in the next week or two?


I’m having problems with courses that concern mathematics (as I already told you ANYTHING and EVERYTHING about math), and physics. Others are, generally, not a problem. Most of my exams for this semester are starting in mid January and they last about two weeks or so.


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## Daniel (Dec 19, 2004)

*a "little" help needed*

Do you have a math and/or physics tutor?  If not, that would be my recommendation.  If you already have a tutor, I would consider finding a better one.  At my university, there was free tutoring for some subjects, which I doubt you have access to.  Graduate students would also tutor for a low fee and the college departments, in many cases, actually kept a list of tutors, esp. for math, chemistry, and physics.  Of course, there are also online tutors that charge per hour or per question, but that can be expensive for a college student.   In the US, a big thing that helps college students is the fact that many of their college textbooks have a web site with more help.


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## monnia (Jun 2, 2005)

*question*

Hello. It’s been a long time... My story continues. Everything is just repeating over and over again. So, I have finally decided to get help from a psychologist. If it’s not troubling you so much I’d like to hear something from those of you who have been seeing one also or are still seeing. Since it’s the first time for me I’m wondering how does a meeting like this look? Is there anything I should be prepared for? Decision to go was brought by me so I’m not scared nor I have any concerns but I would like to know something about it before I go. I have made an appointment for next Monday. Thank you all. Bye.


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## Daniel (Jun 2, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

The first visit is just getting to know you, your background, etc.  You don't have to worry about what to say because it's the therapist's job to ask the questions.  



> *WHAT HAPPENS ON MY FIRST VISIT TO A PSYCHOLOGIST?*
> 
> Once you have the name of a practitioner and make a first appointment, it is usual for him or her to ask you to describe your problem and to ask for details about your personal history.  These questions will include such things as when did your problem start, what makes it better or worse, how does the problem affect your work or social life.   Questions about your personal history can include details about your experiences growing up, your education and work history, your marital status and interpersonal relationships, and whether you use medication, alcohol or drugs.  This information-gathering phase can take one or more sessions and may be supplemented by the use of psychological tests.
> 
> Deciding to See a Psychologist: How to Choose One and What to Expect


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## ThatLady (Jun 2, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

I'd only add that it's not uncommon to be frightened on your first visit. Just tell the psychologist how you're feeling and let them adjust the pace of therapy to allow you the time to get comfortable. )


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## monnia (Jun 6, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Thanks ThatLady, and thank you Daniel. 
I just went back from doctor. He is a neuropsychiatrist. When I first came in and sat down I started crying, it was hard for me to start talking. Anyway, I have told him how I feel and what is the problem (and I forgot half of the things I wanted to say, have this happened to you???).
Then he asked me a few questions, it lasted no more than about 15 minutes, I think. He checked my reflexes, I believe with that little “hammer” (don’t know the right name).
I was sent to take a test with some cards that I had to divide in “Yes” and “No” piles. I’m not sure about the translation but I think it’s a Personality test and I’ll take an IQ test in two days. Doctor prescribed me a medicine KSALOL o,5 mg but the pharmacology name is alprazolamum. He first asked me am I comfortable with taking a medicine. I’m wondering does someone have some experience with this medication, as a patient or a therapist.. Maybe I’m being bothering you all to much but I really don’t know anyone ho has been seeing a therapist and I would like to hear some opinions and experiences. Thanks a lot


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 6, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Alprazolam is a tranquilizer/antianxiety drug sold under the name Xanax in North America.



> Alprazolam is indicated for the management of anxiety disorder (a condition corresponding most closely to the APA Diagnostic and Statistical Manual [DSM-III-R] diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder) or the short-term relief of symptoms of anxiety.
> 
> Anxiety associated with depression is responsive to alprazolam.
> 
> Alprazolam is also indicated for the treatment of panic disorder, with or without agoraphobia.


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## Daniel (Jun 6, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Anytime you take a drug like Xanax, you just have to be careful driving or "performing other hazardous activities" since you may be less alert.   Of course, you are not supposed to drink alcohol while taking Xanax.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 6, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Good reminder, Daniel. The dose mentioned was 0.5 mg which is pretty low, but you still need to be careful until your body adapts to it.


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## ThatLady (Jun 9, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

I take Xanax, on occasion. I also take 0.5 mg. It helps me with the inherited tremors I deal with, and with my tendency to wind myself up to a fever pitch when working on an important project. As long as you use it as directed, and don't drive or work with any kind of tools or equipment until you know for sure how it affects you, you'll do fine. It's a good drug when used correctly. )


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## ThatLady (Jun 9, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

I take Xanax, on occasion. I also take 0.5 mg. It helps me with the inherited tremors I deal with, and with my tendency to wind myself up to a fever pitch when working on an important project. As long as you use it as directed, and don't drive or work with any kind of tools or equipment until you know for sure how it affects you, you'll do fine. It's a good drug when used correctly. )


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## monnia (Jun 9, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Thank you all for your comments. First two days when I started taking this drug I guess I slept all day, and everything was kind of fuzzy. I was confused about what day was it, or what happened which day. I was like “What the …? “ But the third day it was getting better (or should I say getting used to...). Today is the fourth day and now “off I go” to take an IQ test. Bye.


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## monnia (Jun 9, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Thank you all for your comments. First two days when I started taking this drug I guess I slept all day, and everything was kind of fuzzy. I was confused about what day was it, or what happened which day. I was like “What the …? “ But the third day it was getting better (or should I say getting used to...). Today is the fourth day and now “off I go” to take an IQ test. Bye.


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## monnia (Jun 21, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Hi, again. I’ve taken tests and apparently they’ve shown that I belong to the group of highly intelligent people (this was not meant to be a showing off, apologies if it seems like) and that I have a “sub depressive” (I hope you’ll understand what is, because of a translation) and slightly anxious behavior probably as a reaction on a crisis situation (college and all…). I’m seeing my neuropsychiatrist this week with results of these tests. I kind of feel and think that a psychotherapy and some kind of a guiding trough my getting back the self-confidence and finding the way out of this. I will tell him that I feel this way.

But I have another question. Since I’m taking Xanax 0.5 mg, 3 times a day I’m wondering how can I now combine my workouts? Do I have to reduce my walking or workouts or stretching that I do and does it matter how long before do I take a medicine or should I take it after? I really, really appreciate help from all of you on this forum. You have HONESTLY been tremendous help. But I’m kind of wondering: Am I bothering you too much? Cause it seems to me like I’m asking you all this questions that I may even be breaking some of the forum rules


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## monnia (Jun 21, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Hi, again. I’ve taken tests and apparently they’ve shown that I belong to the group of highly intelligent people (this was not meant to be a showing off, apologies if it seems like) and that I have a “sub depressive” (I hope you’ll understand what is, because of a translation) and slightly anxious behavior probably as a reaction on a crisis situation (college and all…). I’m seeing my neuropsychiatrist this week with results of these tests. I kind of feel and think that a psychotherapy and some kind of a guiding trough my getting back the self-confidence and finding the way out of this. I will tell him that I feel this way.

But I have another question. Since I’m taking Xanax 0.5 mg, 3 times a day I’m wondering how can I now combine my workouts? Do I have to reduce my walking or workouts or stretching that I do and does it matter how long before do I take a medicine or should I take it after? I really, really appreciate help from all of you on this forum. You have HONESTLY been tremendous help. But I’m kind of wondering: Am I bothering you too much? Cause it seems to me like I’m asking you all this questions that I may even be breaking some of the forum rules


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 21, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Don't worry - you're not breaking any forum rules. )

There shouldn't be any reason why you should have to alter your physical workouts at all because of the Xanax. The worst that could happen, as far as I'm aware, is that the Xanax may make you a little more drowsy for a while.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jun 21, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Don't worry - you're not breaking any forum rules. )

There shouldn't be any reason why you should have to alter your physical workouts at all because of the Xanax. The worst that could happen, as far as I'm aware, is that the Xanax may make you a little more drowsy for a while.


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## ThatLady (Jun 21, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Continue your exercise regiment as you always have. You may notice you're a bit sleepy, or foggy, at times, but that will pass as your body adapts to the medication. Alprazalam does not have any lasting effects on your ability to exercise, and the exercise is really good treatment for depression and anxiety, in and of itself.

Please, don't ever feel that you're bothering us with questions. If we have answers to share, or personal experiences we feel might be useful to you, it's our pleasure to share them. )


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## ThatLady (Jun 21, 2005)

*a "little" help needed*

Continue your exercise regiment as you always have. You may notice you're a bit sleepy, or foggy, at times, but that will pass as your body adapts to the medication. Alprazalam does not have any lasting effects on your ability to exercise, and the exercise is really good treatment for depression and anxiety, in and of itself.

Please, don't ever feel that you're bothering us with questions. If we have answers to share, or personal experiences we feel might be useful to you, it's our pleasure to share them. )


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