# Do all quiet people have mental problems, or is it just assumed



## [talon]

Why is it that people tend to step on quiet people and see them as weak, unintelligent or way too intelligent, awkward, boring, waste of space, intimidating at times, strange, etc ?


( I do have a mental disorder, but even when I'm not nervous I'm still quiet. I don't feel the awkwardness of silence that other people do.. so ~I think I'm just naturally like this. )

I'm pretty tired of being described as "that quiet girl......"
It actually makes me a little annoyed that they can't find any better way to describe me. It's like I'm just an object that just sits there and has no meaning
I get asked, "Why are you so quiet?" 
After a while, people just decide to pretend I'm not there literally...
Like my existence is not even acknowledged. 
I thought this wouldn't happen again but it did.
When school started I was doing pretty good...but then I just gave up because I've come to the conclusion that no amount of medication can really help me.....
My doctor is incredibly fixed on the idea that Celexa is right for me, but he did prescribe me a higher dose.............

I also dislike being compared to my sister who is one year older and extremely outgoing. My parents are disappointed in me not being like her.


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## Lana

Hi Talon;

I have never ever met a person, in my entire life, who believed that quiet people are 





> weak, unintelligent or way too intelligent, awkward, boring, waste of space, intimidating at times, strange, etc


  Ever!  

I will tell you, though, from personal experience, that it's very very very difficult to have a conversation about anything with someone that is quiet.  Also, sometimes silence suggests person is unapproachable, and even unfriendly, and can make others feel awkward or rejected.  That is what makes them move on to other things and avoid (not ignore) the silent person.

Bottom line here is that no one thinks those things about you, Talon.  Those, unfortunately, are your thoughts about quiet people.  The fact that others try to engage you in conversation or ask you questions attempting to learn more about you just means they're attempting to connect with you.  If you don't, you are the one that is effectively sending out a signal that you don't want to be involved, don't want to talk to them, and are not interested in them.  So you can't hang that on them either.

And lastly, "That quiet girl" is not such a bad label.  I see that as others doing you a favour and telling others that you're the quiet type.


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## imans

hi lana,

you seem to think that people are real when it is about chances they have to take advantages of looking real 

quiet people are real, because they know that from their conscious about it, that is why they stick to themselves truth instead of willing what others do by being fake without feeling superior maybe just sad for themselves, life dont love who is true and everyone loves life even the true ones


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## Mari

H! different people, different experience. I have actually been told quite directly by people that they consider shy, quiet people unintelligent and boring and they can not be bothered to make the effort to get to know them. So is being quiet a mental problem or just a personality quirk? I am quite capable of carrying on a conversation, it just takes me a bit longer to open up to people. How does this help Talon? I actually do not know because it is a problem I have never been able to solve. I do know that quiet people can be happy and successful in life, maybe it just takes them a little longer to find the way. :think: Mari


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## imans

i just experienced how we are always two to make a living, ourselves and our living reality, we are maybe in between trying to be real from what we are most positive for, so quiet people are more with themselves when active ones are more living, that is why we cannot say who is better really, the living could not care for themselves truely and the quiet could be too much away from reality of self,


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## Lana

imans said:


> hi lana,
> 
> you seem to think that people are real when it is about chances they have to take advantages of looking real
> 
> quiet people are real, because they know that from their conscious about it, that is why they stick to themselves truth instead of willing what others do by being fake without feeling superior maybe just sad for themselves, life dont love who is true and everyone loves life even the true ones



Hi Imans;

I would like to answer any questions you may have for me, unfortunately, I am having a hard time understanding what you're saying.  I DO think all people are real...whether they choose to be false with others or themselves is their reality, one they create.  

I know one thing -- I cannot control others or their reactions, I can, however, control myself and my actions and reactions.  In the end, it doesn't matter what happens or who does it, what matters is what I do with it.  I don't see that as superiority, but rather self-sufficiency.  So, when it comes to what others say about me says nothing about me....but it does say a lot about them.


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## Daniel

> I get asked, "Why are you so quiet?"



On the positive side, this can sometimes be a way to help break the ice with other people.   

When I started junior high after leaving a private/religious school, I saw a therapist since I was too shy to make new friends.

BTW:


> Shy people are at risk of losing out in many situations:
> 
> Shy children may self-select solitary activities which fail to boost their social skills.
> Shy children are the easiest targets for bullies at school as they are usually highly reactive.
> Shyness leads to loneliness. Loneliness isn't good for anyone.
> Shyness leads to a lack of social support. We all need someone to give us a bit of perspective. Without it we can easily hold onto unrealistic beliefs about ourselves and others.
> Shy people find it difficult to live in the present in social situations - they will tend to hesitate while they review what are perceived as past failures.
> ...What our society needs is not less shy people but actually more 'successfully shy' people.
> 
> ...The 'successfully shy' recognise their own shyness and take particular steps to combat it. They plan ahead for gaps in the conversation, they arrive early to parties to get the lie of the land, they rehearse conversational opening gambits. They use any trick to move their focus of attention from themselves and their own self-consciousness and outwards to the other people.
> 
> Are You Just Shy or Do You Have a Social Phobia? - Psychlinks


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## Into The Light

there is nothing wrong with being a quiet person. i think people maybe comment on it because it's harder to get to know a quiet person.

i kind of see quiet people as very interesting because you don't know what's really there to be discovered.


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## gooblax

I don't think quietness is always seen negatively - apparently some view quiet people to be trustworthy.
Just today I was told: 





> I think you're the most trustworthy of the group because you're more of a listener than a talker.


Maybe it's because they think I'm the least likely to blab their secrets. :confidential:


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## healthbound

Another perspective...
It's possible that some people might feel uncomfortable around quiet people because they don't know what the quiet person is thinking or feeling.  Instead of asking them or just accepting it, they might project/direct/deflect their uncomfortableness at the quiet person by making comments.

I personally have been a very outgoing person for the majority of my life, but after 4 years of therapy and trying to discover the "real" me, I've realized that I'm actually pretty shy and sensitive.  Instead of acknowledging my shyness and just being myself, I rejected and reacted to it by doing the opposite...being very extroverted.  After having dissolved many of my negative coping mechanisms, I'm left with just me...who is kinda shy.

Also, like ITL, I find quiet people more interesting.  They take longer to get to know and I appreciate that.

The world is made up of millions of people with diverse characteristics.  Introverted, extroverted, strong, passionate, complex, diverse, simple, angry, calm, intellectual, verbal, physical, comical, subtle, theoretical, practical etc. etc. etc.

I love diversity.  Life would be very boring if we were all the same.  And we'd only get one perspective.  Yuck.  What one person thinks is fantastic another might think is irrelevant.

You are who you are.  I encourage you to continue discovering yourself and embrace your uniqueness.  I found it to be a bit intimidating and difficult to allow myself to get to know myself, but I feel much more grounded and secure as a result.  Many of my characteristics were not "allowed" when I was growing up, so I simply tried to get rid of them.  It worked for a while, but the problem was I found myself continually allowing everyone _else_ to define me.  It's a lot of hard work.  Plus, it turns out people respect our authentic selves more anyway (even if we have characteristics they don't necessarily like).

I hope I'm not starting to sound like Oprah.  I gotta go to bed.


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