# I'm 30 she's 19



## Joseph

Long story short, I'm 30 she's 19. I like her very much and I can say that I love her.
The problem is that there is something that withholds me.. Once she told me that she could not be with a 30 yrs old guy. 
I know she likes me but I can't feel her passion, I don't think she has feelings for me, she just likes me as a friend.

I dunno what to do.. I am not sure that a relationship between us is even possible.. I also feel that the difference is too big.. she is a kid, compared to me. 
There is a conflict between the mind and the heart.

How should I deal with this?


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## Yuray

As difficult as it is, you walk away remaining friends if possible, but unless there are common interests to share, friendship may not be possible. You have a good grasp of the situation, your feelings, her feelings, and it seems you are both honest and mature enough to understand whats going on.

Yes, she is a kid just out of school compared to you. I think you know what has to be done, and using us as a sounding board to verify what you already knew was a good choice.


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## Joseph

What does the fact that I love this girl say about me?

I am asking because I am using everything that happens to me as a personal development tool. I want to know myself better and better each day.


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## David Baxter PhD

That you love her but at the same time recognize inherent difficulties in the relationship should it continue. Nothing more, really. Head and heart in competition.


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## Joseph

I am much more attracted by young (~20 yrs), sporty girls, than by women my age.. I am thinking that I might have some emotional issues.. When I was ~20 I had no girlfriend and maybe on an unconscious level I want to compensate..


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## David Baxter PhD

Or maybe you just relate better to women younger than you. There's no need to pathologize your feelings or behavior. Perhaps you find women your age too serious or goal-directed and younger women seem more carefree. Could be any number of reasons but the vast majority don't mean there's anything wrong with you.

The issue now is that at age 19 a 10 year difference is huge and that's what you're realizing. It's less the number of years and more the age-and-stage that she is in currently that has you worried, because you know in the next few years she is going to change a lot.


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## Joseph

I relate really bad to emotionally "young" women but for some reason I seem to attract them.. This girl is only 19 but I had a 2.5 yrs relationship with a 33 yrs old woman and her emotional maturity is really low.. I had a few dates with another woman, 34 yrs old, and she is also extremely immature.. so.. in my opinion there is no difference between these girls, age is not that important. Unfortunately, I know very few people who have a decent emotional growth level..

Anyways, I have to work on myself... Today I had to pick up this 19 yrs old girl from school and there were many girls. I suggested that it would be nice if she would introduce me to her colleges. She said "no", she said that I am too old for them. Well.. first of all, I did not want to met them to jump into some sort of relationship, I just like to meet new people.. and I believe that I am the one who should decide if they are too young for me or not... Anyways.. I am kinda mad and sad to see that she did not trust me to introduce me to her colleagues. There were other moments too when we met with her friends and trainer (she is into sports) and she did not introduce me. I usually do not care about this kind of things but for some reason now I do care.. I felt that she did no respect/trust me by not introducing me.

As you can see.. I do have issues, it is not pathology but they are there.. 

Thanks a lot for your responses, they help me a lot.


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## NakedWombat

If the both of you love each other, then go for it. Don't worry about the age gap.


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## Dragonfly

Joseph said:


> Anyways.. I am kinda mad and sad to see that she did not trust me to introduce me to her colleagues. There were other moments too when we met with her friends and trainer (she is into sports) and she did not introduce me. I usually do not care about this kind of things but for some reason now I do care.. I felt that she did no respect/trust me by not introducing me.


 
Joseph - if you can, put the absolute ages / numbers in a box and put them aside for a moment.  I would encourage you to contemplate your comments above.  These strike me as important data points for you - both about this specific relationship and about you and relationships in general.  And note that not once did you mention "age".


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