# I Am Never This Depressed



## stargazer (Jun 28, 2007)

I am never this depressed.  It seems to me maybe years ago I was at this depth of depression.  I don't want to call in sick -- I need the $70 I'm supposed to get paid today -- but I'm afraid my depression will affect my work.  

I keep trying to latch onto some kind of spiritual outlook that will get me through the day, but I can't find anything.  It's like, I've lost faith. 

I called my therapist, but she's still in another County -- we can't really talk.  I know PsychLinks can only help to a limited degree.  There is no clear reason why I should be this depressed.  I called my old Kaiser therapist too, because we had been talking about meeting, since I'm working in that City now.

OK I'll leave now.  I feel as though no one in my life is responding right now, which doesn't mean that they're ignoring me, just that everyone's busy.  But I can't keep hanging by the phone and computer.  It might help if I can force myself out the door.


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## ThatLady (Jun 28, 2007)

Sorry nobody was here to respond, stargazer. I hope you found a way to get out of your "funk". For me, sometimes a brisk walk in an area with interesting distractions will do the trick. If it's too hot, or too cold, I'll often choose an indoor mall and do laps, windowshopping and people-watching as I go. That will often help me to get myself out of the doldrums and back to life.


Let us know how your day went, and if you were able to find a way to dissipate the feelings of depression and bring yourself back into the fun side of life. :hug:


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## Daniel (Jun 28, 2007)

Yeah, exercise and getting outdoors is really the most invigorating thing for me.     There's also catnaps and caffeine:



> _Conserve your energy._  Schedule your most important work for early in the day...If you can find a place where you won't be disturbed, try taking a catnap during your lunch break. Unless your doctor has recommended cutting out caffeine, allow yourself a cup of coffee when you need it.
> 
> Working in the Dark: Keeping Your Job While Dealing With Depression


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## stargazer (Jun 28, 2007)

Both of those are excellent ideas.  About ThatLady's idea, I'm in sort of a Catch-22, in that I've slacked on my long-distance running for almost a week now, and I think it might have contributed to my depression.  However, if I understand her correctly, even walking about town will help.  

Conserving energy is a useful tool, and I've been doing that ever since having heard from my therapist.  I slept on the train, and am taking things one step at a time.  I allowed myself coffee at Starbucks, where I am here awaiting my boss -- and four hours of playing the piano for seventy bucks is enough of a day's schedule to make most people jealous, so I can't really complain.  (Just wish it happened every day, that's all.)  

Anyway, as I mentioned in another thread, I did talk with my therapist -- she called back, and that was very helpful.  My old Kaiser therapist also called and wants to get together some Thursday when I'm in town.  But I missed his call because I was in the shower.  (But I wouldn't have been in the shower if I hadn't found the motivation after talking with my therapist.)  So it was all good.

I do feel better now.


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## Halo (Jun 28, 2007)

SG,

I am glad that you got to talk to your therapist and it was motivating enough to help you get in the shower and that it most importantly helped you to feel better 

Take care
:hug:


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## stargazer (Jun 28, 2007)

Thanks, Halo.  Now my therapist and I did foresee that if my director snapped at me, I might react--and I did.  But I/we seemed to get over it.  One step at a time over here.

I was in a rush earlier & I never explained the Catch-22.  Running will help with depression--but I'm too depressed to run.  I'll try and force it out of me tomorrow, and if I can succeed, I'll feel better.  If I post again tonight, it will be in the Members Only.  

(On my brief break, gotta run.)


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## Retired (Jun 28, 2007)

> I feel as though no one in my life is responding right now, which doesn't mean that they're ignoring me, just that everyone's busy. But I can't keep hanging by the phone and computer. It might help if I can force myself out the door.



Stargazer,

It may not be have been apparent to you when you wrote this, that despite the feelings of deprression, your comment showed a glimmer of hope and a  positive understanding of the situation,  which probably was the motivation that got you out of the house.

In the meantime, your evaluation of the situation was correct, in that both your therapists happened to be busy, and they _did_ call back.

I wonder if this kind of psitive thinking is similar to the way they tell you, in sports medicine, to work through the pain, to get to the healing.


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## stargazer (Jun 28, 2007)

TSOW said:


> Stargazer, it may not be have been apparent to you when you wrote this, that despite the feelings of deprression, your comment showed a glimmer of hope and a positive understanding of the situation,  which probably was the motivation that got you out of the house.  In the meantime, your evaluation of the situation was correct, in that both your therapists happened to be busy, and they _did_ call back.  I wonder if this kind of positive thinking is similar to the way they tell you, in sports medicine, to work through the pain, to get to the healing.



Wow!  What a positive insight!  I think my experience at the time when I wrote that was only that I wanted to make sure I wasn't blaming anyone for not responding, and to let people know that I was aware that to expect so much so fast would be absurd.  But I neglected to realize that the hope lay in the fact that I actually *was* aware of this--not that I had simply chosen to express it.  Had I not been aware of the situation, I might have gotten resentful at someone, or snapped at them--as I have done in the past.

So, though there was pain at first, it took me to a better place.  Now, I probably ought to start looking on the bright side, and open myself to what life may be offering.


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## stargazer (Jul 1, 2007)

My old therapist from Kaiser called the next day, and I'm going to see him on the 19th (though just as a friendly visit, since I am no longer a Kaiser member.)  We had a good conversation, again mentioning that "feelings aren't facts."  He said that he's learned to take with a grain of salt the permanence of any feeling.  Not only depression or elation, but even a feeling like "peace" or "serenity" is not something to base one's decisions upon.  I think I have mistakenly done that very thing at times.  Anyway, he's a great guy and it will be good to see him.  Since we're meeting at noon, maybe we can have lunch or something.


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## ThatLady (Jul 1, 2007)

Sounds like lunch would be a fun thing to do! It'll be great to get together with an old friend; especially, one who knows you as well as an ex-therapist will know you. There's nothing to hide, nothing to lose, and everything to gain. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time just sharing together.


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## stargazer (Jul 3, 2007)

Sorry for the delay in response.  I don't get notifications -- except for one thread that I never go to anyway, which I'll have to disable next time it happens -- and I forgot to check this one yesterday for a reply.

Yes, it will get to meet with John in person, and maybe have lunch.  It will be interesting to talk with him, as my former therapist, "off-the-record," since we've always liked each other, and since I've become aware that his devotion to his life's work is seemingly limitless.  I had actually phoned a number of times before he replied, but he replied in detail after I'd given him more specific information in the last phone message about my mood swings.  It seemed to give him food for thought, and an impetus to respond.  

In fact, I can't think of a time in my life where I've simply had informal lunch with a psychologist who has known me from years of former therapy sessions.  This could be extremely intriguing.


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