# Phobia for the fear of people???



## Chan (Sep 14, 2005)

Is there phobia for the fear of people... if so, I think I might just have that.

This comes from a very painful experience a long time ago and since then it's just always been shadowing over me.  The funny thing is, I actually love people, they interest me and I love learning about different people, but the moment I'm around them, I get scared and crawl into my shell.

Mostly I'm actually quite confident, but the moment I'm around people (whether it be friends or relationship), I just "shut down" - obviously relationships a bit more pressure.  It's not a concience choice either, but it just seems to out of my control that I just don't know what to do about it.  I'm at a point that when ever I do go and visit someone, I take some sort of alcoholic drink with in the hopes that it might relax me.  That's not right or normal?  Apart from that, I don't particularly like myself either when I drink too much.

I do attract a lot of people, but only because I'm looked as being pretty, but means absolutely nothing to me.  I want people to take the time to get to know me for who I am and not because of a pretty face.  Look, I am very blessed to have a pretty face, but I would trade it any day to just be comfortable around people.  I know I am not a bad person compared to so many people out there, but I do consider myself boring in the company of others and yet at the same time I am game for anything and quite adventurous.  It's more the verbal part that's a problem.

Is there a way that a person can get over this fear or deal with it somehow?  I NEVER give up and will always try, but just some times it all just feels so hopeless that I just don't even want to try anymore.  I just don't like that feeling of falling flat on your face all the time and therefore just think it's easier and "safer" to just not try anymore.  I feel more alone when I'm around people compared to when I'm on my own.

There's really not a lot that I fear, but this one fear of mine just really seems to control my life... because I let it.  But how do you get out of it though?


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## Chan (Sep 14, 2005)

Is there phobia for the fear of people... if so, I think I might just have that.

This comes from a very painful experience a long time ago and since then it's just always been shadowing over me.  The funny thing is, I actually love people, they interest me and I love learning about different people, but the moment I'm around them, I get scared and crawl into my shell.

Mostly I'm actually quite confident, but the moment I'm around people (whether it be friends or relationship), I just "shut down" - obviously relationships a bit more pressure.  It's not a concience choice either, but it just seems to out of my control that I just don't know what to do about it.  I'm at a point that when ever I do go and visit someone, I take some sort of alcoholic drink with in the hopes that it might relax me.  That's not right or normal?  Apart from that, I don't particularly like myself either when I drink too much.

I do attract a lot of people, but only because I'm looked as being pretty, but means absolutely nothing to me.  I want people to take the time to get to know me for who I am and not because of a pretty face.  Look, I am very blessed to have a pretty face, but I would trade it any day to just be comfortable around people.  I know I am not a bad person compared to so many people out there, but I do consider myself boring in the company of others and yet at the same time I am game for anything and quite adventurous.  It's more the verbal part that's a problem.

Is there a way that a person can get over this fear or deal with it somehow?  I NEVER give up and will always try, but just some times it all just feels so hopeless that I just don't even want to try anymore.  I just don't like that feeling of falling flat on your face all the time and therefore just think it's easier and "safer" to just not try anymore.  I feel more alone when I'm around people compared to when I'm on my own.

There's really not a lot that I fear, but this one fear of mine just really seems to control my life... because I let it.  But how do you get out of it though?


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## Impunity Jane (Sep 16, 2005)

I'm sure you can and will get over your shyness - or whatever you would like to call it (but I think labelling it a phobia is a bit extreme)
 - because you are so motivated to do it.  I used to be shy until I realized it was holding me back in life, and I didn't want that anymore.

Lots of the people you know are also uncomfortable and insecure around other people, but they have just learned how to deal with it so it doesn't affect their lives so much.   So it's not that you are at all unusual.  Shy people are, in my opinion, usually better friends, because they are more sensitive.  So it is actually an asset if you can learn to work with it.

Usually the shyness is self-reinforcing.  You had a bad experience, and that makes you self-conscious in future interactions, so you don't have a good time, so you aren't much fun to be around, so it turns into another bad experience.

It might be best for you to read some self-help books about it - if you try your library or Amazon.com.   Or a short series of counselling sessions would help you focus on what small steps you could start with.

I guess the main thing is to realize it's not an unusual or terrible thing, you can start to work on it and turn it around.


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## Impunity Jane (Sep 16, 2005)

I'm sure you can and will get over your shyness - or whatever you would like to call it (but I think labelling it a phobia is a bit extreme)
 - because you are so motivated to do it.  I used to be shy until I realized it was holding me back in life, and I didn't want that anymore.

Lots of the people you know are also uncomfortable and insecure around other people, but they have just learned how to deal with it so it doesn't affect their lives so much.   So it's not that you are at all unusual.  Shy people are, in my opinion, usually better friends, because they are more sensitive.  So it is actually an asset if you can learn to work with it.

Usually the shyness is self-reinforcing.  You had a bad experience, and that makes you self-conscious in future interactions, so you don't have a good time, so you aren't much fun to be around, so it turns into another bad experience.

It might be best for you to read some self-help books about it - if you try your library or Amazon.com.   Or a short series of counselling sessions would help you focus on what small steps you could start with.

I guess the main thing is to realize it's not an unusual or terrible thing, you can start to work on it and turn it around.


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## morph19 (Sep 16, 2005)

I know where you're coming from, but I agree that it doesn't sound much like a phobia, but more like shyness or insecurities. I have similar dilemas and react in similar manners.

I would recommend trying to keep things in your favor. Instead of going to see your friend, have them come and see you. Meet where you are most at ease. A favorite restaurant or cafe. Keep as many variables in your court. And from that, start small. One friend and build. Don't aim for parties or groups. Hopefully that would help to build your confidence and get you back into living life again.

Hope it helps. Like to hear (if you do try any ideas) how you do.


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## morph19 (Sep 16, 2005)

I know where you're coming from, but I agree that it doesn't sound much like a phobia, but more like shyness or insecurities. I have similar dilemas and react in similar manners.

I would recommend trying to keep things in your favor. Instead of going to see your friend, have them come and see you. Meet where you are most at ease. A favorite restaurant or cafe. Keep as many variables in your court. And from that, start small. One friend and build. Don't aim for parties or groups. Hopefully that would help to build your confidence and get you back into living life again.

Hope it helps. Like to hear (if you do try any ideas) how you do.


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