# Quotes about Abuse, Domestic Violence



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

“Don’t light yourself on fire trying to brighten someone else’s existence.” 

— Unknown


----------



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

*Re: Quotes about Domestic Violence*

“Leaving an abusive partner is a very difficult thing to do. It frequently feels like you are failing, or destroying your family, or not trying to work things out, or not giving your partner a second chance.” 

― Blaine Nelson


----------



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

*Re: Quotes about Domestic Violence*

“Never let someone who contributes so little to a relationship control so much of it.” 

― Unknown


----------



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

*Re: Quotes about Domestic Violence*

“You survived the abuse, you’re going to survive the recovery.” 

— Mariska Hargitay


----------



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

*Re: Quotes about Domestic Violence*

"As long as women are fundamentally seen as less worthy than men, the violence they experience directly in abusive relationships will simply be repeated in other, subtler ways throughout their lives, as they move from the men who attack them to the bosses who pay them less or the male co-workers who denigrate their contributions."

— Sady Doyle


----------



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

“The boys had always been her reason to stay, but now for the first time they were her reason to leave. She’d allowed violence to become a normal part of their life.” 

― Liane Moriarty


----------



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

*Re: Quotes about Domestic Violence*

“Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose.” 

— Michelle Rosenthall​


----------



## Daniel (Jun 24, 2020)

"It's hard for most of us to go through a typical day outside the home without some humiliating incident, however trivial, without some frustrating reminder of how limited our power is, how unimportant we are. The relationships we want to spend our lives in should be a refuge from this. If they are just a source of more humiliation, they're not healthy places to stay in."

― Mira Kirshenbaum, _Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay_


----------



## Daniel (Jun 28, 2020)

Women hear it all the time from men. "You're overreacting," we tell them. "Don't worry about it so much, you're over-thinking it." "Don't be so sensitive." "Don't be crazy." It's a form of gaslighting -- telling women that their feelings are just wrong, that they don't have the right to feel the way that they do. Minimizing somebody else's feelings is a way of controlling them. If they no longer trust their own feelings and instincts, they come to rely on someone else to tell them how they're supposed to feel.

~ Harris O'Malley,  Men really need to stop calling women crazy - The Washington Post


----------



## Daniel (Sep 14, 2020)




----------



## Daniel (Sep 19, 2020)

Do You Confuse Admiration with Love? Tales of a Covert Narcissist

Be sensitive to yourself when considering your choice of a partner. Be aware of the seductive charm and charisma of the Overt Narcissist. Look for someone who is not self-centered; someone who is interested in other people and who considers their feelings; someone who is not vain or egotistical. Look for a person who is unassuming and down-to-earth rather than someone who is charismatic or the “life of the party”.


----------



## Daniel (Sep 19, 2020)

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

― Maya Angelou


----------



## Daniel (Sep 19, 2020)




----------



## Daniel (Sep 23, 2020)

"There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being "not enough," all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries."

~ publisher's description for _"Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility_


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“There'a a phrase, "the elephant in the living room", which purports to describe what it's like to live with a drug addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, "How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn't you see the elephant in the living room?" And it's so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth; "I'm sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn't know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture." There comes an aha-moment for some folks―the lucky ones―when they suddenly recognize the difference.”

― Stephen King


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.”

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.” 

“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.” 

― Lundy Bancroft, _Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men _


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“It's not fair. It's not fair that he lets his rage take over, that he lets it rule him. I don't know why he has to let it rule him. I don't know why he has to be two people.

I don't know why he gets to be two people, and I only get to be me, the one who is here to take what he has to give, and who is here to pick up the pieces afterward.”

― Amanda Grace, _But I Love Him_


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it must be based upon the self-protective capability of the victim. Until the victim has developed a detailed and realistic contingency plan and has demonstrated her ability to carry it out, she remains in danger of repeated abuse.”

― Judith Lewis Herman, _Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence -- From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror_


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“Shame is internalized when one is abandoned. Abandonment is the precise term to describe how one loses one’s authentic self and ceases to exist psychologically.”

― John Bradshaw, _Healing the Shame that Binds You_


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“Excuses are a promise of repetition.”

― Stefan Molyneux


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“Maybe you never considered yourself a bully, a batterer or an abuser before, but maybe you are — to yourself.”

― Bryant McGill, _Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life _


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“And THAT is how you fall into an abusive relationship: when you start acting in a way so as not to upset the other person or set them off. You’ve given away control of your own life, bit by bit, bit by bit. It’s incremental, until one day, you have hidden so much of yourself you get lost.”

― Rose McGowan, _Brave_


----------



## Daniel (Sep 29, 2020)

“Research about marital relationships in general reveals that husbands are likely to receive more support from their spouse and thus fair far better, while women tend to receive less support and experience greater stress from giving support. These are among the conditions that contribute to the higher rates of depression in women.”

― Carol A Lambert, _Women with Controlling Partners: Taking Back Your Life from a Manipulative or Abusive Partner_


----------



## Daniel (Oct 26, 2020)

One important aspect of living well in the midst of a disappointing relationship is to grieve the losses that come with it. You need to grieve fully your broken dreams and broken heart and allow yourself the gift of healing. Pretending is not going to get you there. Facing your pain, sadness, hurts, and unmet expectations fully will help you embrace your life as it is and use the truth as the center point for the journey.

~ Sharie Stines, Psy.D.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Oct 27, 2020)

Daniel said:


> One important aspect of living well in the midst of a disappointing relationship is to grieve the losses that come with it. You need to grieve fully your broken dreams and broken heart and allow yourself the gift of healing. Pretending is not going to get you there. Facing your pain, sadness, hurts, and unmet expectations fully will help you embrace your life as it is and use the truth as the center point for the journey.
> 
> ~ Sharie Stines, Psy.D.



This also applies to separation and divorce.


----------



## Daniel (Nov 7, 2020)

Physicians not immune to intimate partner violence
_Canadian Medical Association Journal_
November 19, 2018

In Canada, 4% of people older than 15 have experienced physical or sexual violence by a current or former spouse or dating partner in the past 5 years, according to Statistics Canada's General Social Survey (2014 data). About 80% of victims reporting to police are women...

"Physicians are trained to screen their patients for IPV [intimate partner violence], but few consider that they themselves could find themselves in such a relationship. There’s considerable stigma around it."

Some abusers control the couple’s finances, and their victims “might have all the trappings of a successful life but not have money.”

“The more people start talking about it, the more it becomes acceptable to talk about what is going on. I’m hopeful that we can bring it out into the open.”


----------



## Daniel (Nov 7, 2020)

Intimate Partner Violence Experienced by Physicians
_Journal of Primary Care & Community Health_
October 20, 2020

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is an increasing public health concern. IPV impacts 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men in the United States, resulting in $3.6 trillion in costs over victims’ lifetimes.  World Health Organization (WHO) defines intimate partner violence (IPV) as physical, sexual or psychological harm caused by an intimate partner or ex-partner... 

IPV was reported by 24% of respondents. The most frequent abuses reported were: verbal (15%), physical (8%) followed by sexual abuse (4%) and stalking (4%)...This is the first survey to our knowledge that confirms that physicians experience IPV at a rate consistent or higher than the national level.


----------



## Daniel (Nov 26, 2020)

"Every year you've settled for less, tolerated more."  

“She collected and polished resentments as if it were some kind of hobby.” 

"One sad thing about this world is that the acts that take the most out of you are usually the ones that people will never know about."

“You could really feel physically wounded if someone hurt your feelings badly enough.” 

― Anne Tyler


----------



## Daniel (Nov 26, 2020)

“Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.”

― Cheris Kramarae


----------



## Daniel (Nov 26, 2020)

“Nobody gives you power. You just take it.”

― Roseanne Barr


----------



## Daniel (Nov 26, 2020)

“You do not win by struggling to the top of a caste system, you win by refusing to be trapped within one at all.” 

“The beauty myth is always actually prescribing behaviour and not appearance.” 

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.”

― Naomi Wolf, _The Beauty Myth_


----------



## Daniel (Nov 30, 2020)

"The primary reason we don't recommend couples counseling is that abuse is not a "relationship problem." Couples counseling may imply that both partners contribute to the abusive behavior, when _the choice to be abusive lies solely with the abusive partner. _Focusing on communication or other relationship issues distracts from the abusive behavior, and may actually reinforce it in some cases. Additionally, a therapist may not be aware that abuse is present and inadvertently encourage the abuse to continue or escalate."

~ National Domestic Violence Hotline


----------



## Daniel (Dec 11, 2020)

“I always think it’s a good sign when a man likes cats. It shows he doesn’t feel the need to be in constant control of things.”

― Anne Tyler, _Clock Dance_


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Dec 12, 2020)

^^^ I love this!


----------



## Daniel (Dec 18, 2020)

“Across the U.S. there is a very strong association between marital discord, being unhappy in a marriage, and suicidal ideation and attempts.” 

"Some studies have found it's better to be divorced or separated than stay in an unhappy marriage, that you may live longer if you get out."

~  Briana Robustelli, quoted in Unhappy marriages linked with risk of suicide


----------



## Daniel (Dec 18, 2020)

"It is the most vicious of all crimes -- to be abused by someone you had a relationship with! Because then you blame yourself."

~ Joe Biden


----------



## Daniel (Feb 12, 2021)

"You don’t manage abuse. You walk away from it."

"The parasite will find another intestine."

~ Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Source: 
	

	




						Lies Codependents Believe to Stay in Abusive Relationships
					


Lies Codependents Believe to Stay in Relationships with Abusive Wives and Husbands Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD, Shrink4Men.com February 15, 2018  Codependents  are people who enable and care take others (in ways that are often  harmful to themselves) in the hopes of receiving love for their...





					forum.psychlinks.ca


----------



## Daniel (Feb 13, 2021)

“By the time survivors are compelled to leave their psychologically abusive relationships, they do not see any other viable option but to leave. They have tried anything and everything to keep their relationship going. No matter how hard they tried to fit the mold the abuser wanted, it was never enough.”

“Psychological abusers are known for becoming jealous of any attention not being given to them.”

“Research shows it takes people many attempts to leave unhealthy relationships.”

“Survivors are wise to not fall into the trap of second guessing all of their actions because it is likely they could never show enough agreement to please a truly toxic person.”

“Most people have no clue hidden abuse is taking place right under their noses. It is being perpetrated by individuals who would never be suspected of being abusers. The concealed nature of this harm is what leaves its targets devastated.”

“Frequently, the emotional homicide is happening while other people go on clamoring about what a great guy or gal the abuser is and how lucky the survivor is to be connected to the abuser.”

“One of the main allegations that narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths make against survivors is that they accuse survivors of being disrespectful. Why is this complaint so common for toxic people? It is because their grossly over-inflated egos make them believe that even the most minor correction, or disagreement, with the toxic person’s opinion is a huge sign of disrespect.”

“Rather than being insecure, psychological abusers are easily offended, consumed with themselves, and want things just their way."

"Survivors often get to a point in recovery where they can predict the responses of the toxic person.”

  ―      Shannon   Thomas,   _Healing from Hidden Abuse_


----------



## Daniel (Feb 18, 2021)

“In a relationship where one person believes her or himself to be essentially unlovable and undesirable in either an emotional or sexual sense, mutuality is absent. The survivor believes it’s necessary to pay for the presence of the other person, literally or symbolically.” 

  ―    Laura S. Brown,   _Not the price of admission: Healthy relationships after childhood trauma_


----------



## Daniel (Feb 23, 2021)

“The shame-based person is nearly always enmeshed in some way with one or more people. While we are in a dysfunctional, shame-based relationship, we may feel like we are losing our mind, going crazy. When we try to test reality, we are unable to trust our senses, our feelings and our reactions.”  

―    Charles L. Whitfield,            _Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families_


----------



## Daniel (Mar 1, 2021)

Rationalization (psychology) - Wikipedia

Some rationalizations take the form of a comparison...

    "At least [what occurred] is not as bad as [a worse outcome]."
     In response to unfair or abusive behaviour: "I must have done something wrong if they treat me like this."


----------



## Daniel (Apr 5, 2021)

"For women in particular, domestic violence is a leading cause of homelessness...Top causes of homelessness among families were: (1) lack of affordable housing, (2) unemployment, (3) poverty, and (4) low wages, in that order."

~ National Homelessness Law Center


----------



## Daniel (Apr 21, 2021)




----------



## Daniel (May 31, 2021)

~ R.H. Sin, _Tumblr_


----------



## Daniel (Oct 5, 2021)

Intimate Partner Violence: A Pathway to Suicide | FBI: Law Enforcement Bulletin
					


Officers play an important part in preventing victims from taking tragic actions.





					leb.fbi.gov
				




Few victims report their initial domestic victimization, with most not doing so until they have endured multiple assaults. Therefore, any report probably indicates a long history of violence.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 5, 2021)

__





						Emotional Abuse
					


Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates, and generally instills fear in an individual in order to control them. The individual's reality may become distorted as they internalize the abuse as their own failings.





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




Most victims of abusive or violent relationships eventually leave. It often takes several attempts, but a few common themes emerge from womens’ experience finally ending the relationship. One step is confronting reality, by acknowledging that the circumstances will not change, becoming educated about emotional abuse, and realizing the abuse is not the victim’s fault, which allows them to recover a sense of self-worth. Another step is accepting help from family, friends, or a therapist, who can see the situation clearly and provide resources and support. Another factor is the desire to protect the children from witnessing abuse or being abused themselves. The last factor for some is reaching a breaking point, where fear simply becomes overwhelming.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 5, 2021)

“It makes me think that everyone is very wrong, that love should have many conditions. Love should require both partners to be their very best at all times. Unconditional love is an undisciplined love, and as we all have seen, undisciplined love is disastrous.”  

― Gillian Flynn, _ Gone Girl _


----------



## Daniel (Oct 13, 2021)

Why Blame-Shifting Is a Form of Verbal Abuse
					


Why the pattern is hard to see and even harder to break.





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




Threats work when there’s an imbalance of power. When your intimate turns to you and says, “Well, if you’re so unhappy, why don’t you just leave?," this is yet another tactic of deflection. Whatever complaint you might have voiced is stripped of its legitimacy and agency because the underlying message is that you’re just a whiner who likes whining; the threat makes you singularly alert and panicked.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 13, 2021)

3 Mindsets That Lead to Toxic Relationships
					


2. The power of intermittent reinforcement.





					www.psychologytoday.com
				




Asking yourself which part of you is showing up at this moment—is this your empowered self, or the one who’s scared of being on her own? The one who can be confident, or the one who’s terrified of making a mistake?—should be part of your strategy...

Let’s say you had a confrontation with your partner that didn’t end well, but, at least this time, you held your own and voiced your opinion. Yes, you can criticize yourself for folding at the end, but at the same time, appreciate the progress you made by speaking your truth.

Leaving where we’ve been, even when it makes us unhappy, can be complicated. But it can be done.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 13, 2021)

5 signs someone you love has Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Tikvah Lake Florida
					


In more recent years, Narcissistic Personality Disorder has become the new kid on the block – especially among the general population. Learn more.




					www.tikvahlake.com
				




Since therapists are often unaware of the depths of emotional abuse coming from the narcissist, they likely take what they see at face value.  What tends to happen is that the other half of the couple (the victim) gets blamed for most of the struggles in the relationship since they often come across as subdued and quiet in therapy sessions.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 20, 2021)

__





						Traumatic bonding - Wikipedia
					







					en.wikipedia.org
				




Among battered women, a three-phase process can explain the intermittent reward-punishment cycle. During phase one, there is a gradual increase in tension, followed by an "explosive battering incident" in phase two, which is then followed by a peaceful expression of love and affection from the abuser during phase three. The recurring and cyclical nature of these phases gives rise to a trauma bond.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 20, 2021)

"If I die, I want you to tell the world what happened to me. I don't want other women to suffer as I have suffered. I want them to be listened to." 

~ Maria Teresa Macias


----------



## Daniel (Oct 20, 2021)

Law                                       Victim Advocate
					







					www.phoenix.gov
				


A Victim Advocate is a person who assists victims throughout the criminal process, providing information, support, and resources, help with protective orders, help with submitting Victim Impact Statements and Restitution information, and generally guiding victims through every stage of a case.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 20, 2021)

*Domestic Violence Resources*

US:  
	

	







						Local Resources
					


Domestic violence local resources listed state by state. Help for survivors, including primary & preventive care services.





					www.thehotline.org
				




Canada:





						Find family violence resources and services in your area - Canada.ca
					


Find help dealing with family violence





					www.canada.ca


----------



## Daniel (Oct 20, 2021)

How to spot an abuser on the first date - Columbia Star
					


Pamela Jacobs In South Carolina, we are constantly bombarded with news of domestic violence, including our incredibly high homicide rate. We hear and read stories of men abusing the women they claim to care about all the time. We may have even seen abuse in our own families, communities – or...





					www.thecolumbiastar.com
				




One main tactic utilized by abusers is minimizing, denying, and blaming. Someone who abuses his partner believes he is entitled to have power and control in the relationship. It is these feelings of entitlement— not an anger problem— that causes him to abuse...

As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”


----------



## Daniel (Oct 20, 2021)

Resolution On Male Violence Against Women
					


Violence against women is a major cause of reduced quality of life, distress, injury and death for women and has serious secondary effects for families, communities and the economy





					www.apa.org
				




More than one in five adult women experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood; as many as one of every two women are affected by sexual harassment over the course of their working lives; and approximately one in eight women have experienced a sexual assault in their lifetimes.

Gender and gender relations play critical roles in directing male violence toward women.

Cultural norms and expectations play critical roles in promoting and shaping male violence against women.

Women living in poverty are at especially high risk for all types of violence--particularly severe and life threatening assaults.

Assaultive and lethal violence against women remain high, despite two decades of increased awareness and legislation.


----------



## Daniel (Oct 21, 2021)

Women Who Overturn Gender Norms Face More Violence In Marriage: Study
					


Husbands use violence to sabotage their wives' employment and working prospects. This includes jealousy over wives talking to other men, accusations of infidelity, and monitoring of their whereabouts





					www.indiaspend.com
				




"You can look at this [domestic violence] as the male backlash that occurs when women try to break away from existing rules as not much effort has been made to address masculine notions of men."


----------



## Daniel (Oct 21, 2021)

NCADV | National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
					


NCADV is the voice of victims and survivors. We are the catalyst for changing society to have zero tolerance for domestic violence. We do this by affecting public policy, increasing understanding of the impact of domestic violence, and providing programs and education that drive that change.





					ncadv.org
				




Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) was launched nationwide in October 1987 as a way to connect and unite individuals and organizations working on domestic violence issues while raising awareness for those issues. Over the past 30+ years, much progress has been made to support domestic violence victims and survivors, to hold abusers accountable, and to create and update legislation to further those goals.


----------



## Daniel (Jan 11, 2022)

__





						Captive Hearts, Captive Minds: The Cultic Relationship
					


Captive Hearts, Captive Minds  Captive Hearts, Captive Minds: Freedom and Recovery from Cults and Abusive Relationships By Madeleine L. Tobias and Janja Lalich  The Cultic Relationship Cults may be large or small. What defines them is not their size but their behavior.  In addition to the...




					forum.psychlinks.ca
				




In the one-on-one cult, which we call a cultic relationship, there is a significant power imbalance between the two participants. The stronger uses his (of her) influence to control, manipulate, abuse, and exploit the other. In essence the cultic relationship is a one-on-one version of the larger group. It may even be more intense than participation in a group cult since all the attention and abuse is focused on one person, often with more damaging consequences.


----------



## Daniel (Jan 11, 2022)

"Arguing with a Narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you."

~ Youtube comment


----------



## Daniel (Mar 26, 2022)

Emotional and verbal abuse | Office on Women's Health
					







					www.womenshealth.gov
				




Emotional and verbal abuse can have short-term and long-lasting effects that are just as serious as the effects of physical abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse includes insults and attempts to scare, isolate, or control you. It is also often a sign that physical abuse may follow.


----------



## Daniel (Mar 26, 2022)

Signs of domestic violence or abuse | Office on Women's Health
					







					www.womenshealth.gov
				




Women who identify as lesbian experience as much or more physical and sexual violence as heterosexual women by an intimate partner.  Women who identify as bisexual experience intimate partner violence more often than heterosexual women.


----------



## Daniel (Apr 6, 2022)

Link originally posted by David:

*





						Techniques of neutralization - Wikipedia
					







					en.wikipedia.org
				




Techniques of neutralization* are a theoretical series of methods by which those who commit illegitimate acts temporarily neutralize certain values within themselves which would normally prohibit them from carrying out such acts, such as morality, obligation to abide by the law, and so on. In simpler terms, it is a psychological method for people to turn off "inner protests" when they do, or are about to do something they themselves perceive as wrong...

Five methods of neutralization generally manifest themselves in the form of arguments, such as:

*"It wasn't my fault"*
"*It wasn't a big deal*. They could afford the loss"
"*They had it coming"*
"You were just as bad in your day"
"My friends needed me. What was I going to do?"


----------



## Daniel (Apr 23, 2022)

"It's not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive."

~ The National Domestic Violence Hotline


----------



## Daniel (Apr 23, 2022)

"Women’s lack of social power makes them more vulnerable than men to specific major traumas, particularly sexual abuse. Traumas may contribute directly to depression, by making women feel they are helpless to control their lives, and may also contribute indirectly, by increasing women’s reactivity to stress. Women’s social roles also carry a number of chronic strains that might contribute directly or indirectly to depression. Major changes in the frequency of traumatic events and in social roles coincide with the emergence of gender differences in depression in adolescence, and may help to explain this emergence."

~ Nolen-Hoeksema (2001)


----------



## Daniel (Apr 23, 2022)

"Why are females more likely than males to react to sexual abuse with depression? In this section, we speculate on several possible reasons. First, it appears that girls experience more serious forms of abuse than boys. Second, females may be more likely than males to blame themselves for their abuse. Lastly, females may have a style of affect regulation that make them more prone to long-term depressive reactions to negative circumstances."

~ Susan E. Cutler & Susan Nolen-Hoeksema  (1991)


----------



## Daniel (Apr 30, 2022)

“One of the reasons a survivor finds it so difficult to see herself as a victim is that she has been blamed repeatedly for the abuse: "If you weren't such a whore, this wouldn't have to happen." Each time she is used and trashed, she becomes further convinced of her innate badness. She sees herself participating in forbidden sexual activity and may often get some sense of gratification from it even if she doesn't want to (it is, after all, a form of touch, and our bodies respond without the consent of our wills). This is seen as further proof that the abuse is her fault and well deserved. In her mind, she has become responsible for the actions of her abusers. She believes she is not a victim; she is a loathsome, despicable, worthless human being—if indeed she even qualifies as human. When the abuse has been sadistic in nature...these beliefs are futher entrenched.”

“Too often the survivor is seen by [himself or] herself and others as "nuts," "crazy," or "weird." Unless her responses are understood within the context of trauma. A traumatic stress reaction consists of *natural* emotions and behaviors in response to a catastrophe, its immediate aftermath, or memories of it. These reactions can occur anytime after the trauma, even decades later. The coping strategies that victims use can be understood only within the context of the abuse of a child. The importance of context was made very clear many years ago when I was visiting the home of a Holocaust survivor. The woman's home was within the city limits of a large metropolitan area. Every time a police or ambulance siren sounded, she became terrified and ran and hid in a closet or under the bed. To put yourself in a closet at the sound of a far-off siren is strange behavior indeed—outside of the context of possibly being sent to a death camp. Within that context, it makes perfect sense. Unless we as therapists have a good grasp of the context of trauma, we run the risk of misunderstanding the symptoms our clients present and, hence, responding inappropriately or in damaging ways.”

 “The experience of chronic abuse carries within it the gross mislabeling of things. Perpetrators are really "nice daddies." Victims are "evil and seductive" (at the age of three!). Nonprotecting parents are "tired and busy." The survivor makes a giant leap forward when [he or ]she can call abuse by its right name and grasp the concept that what was done was a manifestation of the heart of the perpetrator, not the heart of the victim.”

“Incest does not occur in a vacuum... Needless to say, incest is not a function of a healthy home. It is important to note that it is not known how much of the traumatic stress reaction or emotional disturbance is caused by the sexual act of incest and how much is caused by the unhealthy, emotionally deprived, neglect-filled home environment that fosters incestuous activity.”

― Diane Langberg, _ Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse _


----------



## Daniel (May 25, 2022)




----------



## Daniel (Jun 7, 2022)

Why homophobia against straight men matters | Owen Jones
					


We must confront the hatred faced by LGBTQ+ people in all its forms, says Guardian columnist Owen Jones





					www.theguardian.com
				




"Homophobia is the bastard child of misogyny."


----------



## Daniel (Sep 5, 2022)

“Psychologists refer to unpredictable rewards as “intermittent reinforcements.” I call them “the reason we date jerks.” 

― Catherine Price


----------

