# I'm Tired



## Domo

I'm really running out of energy. I saw my psychologist this morning which normally cheers me up a bit but it kind of just made me more upset. I could see in her eyes how worried she was about me. I was even tearing up and i generally try to keep it all in. I just couldn't do it today. She suggested i go to the emergency department or my GP. I can't do either.

So here i am at work, not actually working. I just figure i am at least safe here.

Normally my family is enough to stop me from doing anything but it's starting to not hold much weight. 

I just feel completely powerless and worthless.

I have no idea how i am going to handle this med change too. Half dose for the next 3 days and then nothing for 3 days. I was bearly coping with meds and now to go to none.

I don't really know what i was hoping to achieve by this. I suppose to just get it out of my head.


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## Banned

Hi Domo,

I'm sorry you're struggling...sometimes it helps just to vent, and know that someone else understands.

Is there something specific that brought this on? The med change perhaps? (Or maybe it's too soon...not sure). Are you able to get extra appointments with your therapist as needed?

I'm glad you're staying at work - it's really important to keep yourself safe right now. Please do not hesitate to go to an emergency room or your doctor if need be, or to call a crisis line.

I wish I could say more, but I'm not sure what else to say. I understand where you're coming from, and the feelings that you feel. I do know how hopeless things can seem. 

Does your therapist do CBT with you? Are you able to challenge/reconstruct your thoughts at all?

(I won't be on much tonight, unfortunately, as I have a midterm tomorrow that I haven't even cracked a book on.  But, please don't hesitate to vent here, or call on whatever resources you need to cope.  I'll check in as I'm able.)


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## Domo

Nothing exactly specific. Kind of just everything and nothing. Just sick of having to wake up every day. This life is nothing but a chore. 

Don't think it's the med change, took my half dose last night. Can't imagine it would make any difference this quickly. And if it is i am screwed because if i get any worse then things might get messy.

No we don't do CBT. We just talk. I don't want to challenge my thoughts. I'll be glad the day i have enough courage to end it all.

Thanks Turtle. Good luck with the study.


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## Daniel

> I don't want to challenge my thoughts.


Maybe that's a good place to start challenging such thoughts.  You probably already challenge your negative thoughts in some ways.  And you wouldn't go to therapy if you thought things were hopeless.

It may help if you create some kind of log of these negative thoughts for your next session. 



> This life is nothing but a chore.


That's a good example of all-or-nothing thinking and other cognitive distortions.  For example, it's harder to remember positive events when depressed and a whole lot easier to remember the bad times, like previous relapses.  

Similarly, a reminder:



> *What is phishing and how do you use it in your workbook? *
> Phishing is a term we use to describe the trickier activities of the reactive mind. Like phishing scams on the internet, mental phishing involves being tricked into attaching to highly provocative mental content (like the thought, “I will never be happy in life”) and treating it as real. When a person is phished, they act on the basis of this imaginary reality, even though the actual event that happened is that the person had a thought called, “I will never be happy in life.” Seen as a thought, and just a thought, there is no trick played. Part of learning to be mindful and to detach from mental processes is the ability to recognize negative content that is likely to be form of phishing from the reactive mind, the world's most accomplished phisher!
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/depression/20499-mindfulness-and-acceptance-for-depression.html


BTW: 7 Kinds of Hope


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## Domo

Thanks Daniel, you are the King of Articles 



> And you wouldn't go to therapy if you thought things were hopeless.


That's true. I am just in one of my moods. It doesn't seem to really be doing much good anyway judging by the way i am.


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## SoSo

Domo, understand and can relate, been there, felt like that.  I am an old great granny now so obviously the 'staying' was more strong a pull than the 'leaving' although I did try.  Even to this day, I still wonder why I bother.  Then, I hear my wee great grandson's laughter, see his silly antics or talk to my son and I know why I am glad of the fact I stayed even though it is hard sometimes.  I am trying harder not to think of the going and I do have to try as some days it seems like an endless struggle filled with the physical pain I live in 24-7.  But, stay I will because I don't want to miss the laughter or my son or the stars or any of what is there that makes my heart smile.  I hope you will find something to make your heart smile and make it easier.  I did read a book and watch the movie on it also that really for some reason helped me know I wanted to stay called What Dreams May Come.  Wish I knew something to say to make it all better but know I care and send you big ole' granny hugs.
:support:SoSo


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## Domo

Thanks SoSo. I'm glad you have your son and grandson.

I'll look into What Dreams May come.

Thank you for the hug too. I really could use one.


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## Daniel

> She suggested i go to the emergency department or my GP. I can't do either.


In addition to that, some people will see their therapist twice a week when having a lot of suicidal thoughts.  Psychologists/therapists tend to get a lot of cancellations, so you may be able to see the psychologist again on Thursday or Friday.

And, as you know, there are also suicide hotlines.


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## Daniel

Regarding books:

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me - Google Books


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## Domo

Daniel said:


> In addition to that, some people will see their therapist twice a week when having a lot of suicidal thoughts.  Psychologists/therapists tend to get a lot of cancellations, so you may be able to see the psychologist again on Thursday or Friday.
> 
> And, as you know, there are also suicide hotlines.


It is Thursday here 

Unfortunately she doesn't have many cancellations. Also i've only got a few sessions left before my mental health plan runs out and then i am not sure what i am going to do. If i was desperate she would talk to me on the phone but i don't really like phones.


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## Daniel

> Also i've only got a few sessions left before my mental health plan runs out and then i am not sure what i am going to do.


They may be able to get an extension.  I was always able to get an extension when my therapist contacted the insurance company. And when I didn't have insurance, my parents paid for my therapy. 

Your psychologist may also be able to provide a discount (sliding scale rate based on your income) or even pro-bono work.


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## Murray

Hi Domo,
I am so sorry that you are struggling so. There are times with depression that it seems like things will never be any better, that all you can see in the future is more suffering and you can feel like giving up. But, things aren't always like that. You have a family that loves you, Cheddar to visit with, new leather boots to wear, and lots of other things. Please don't think that I am minimizing your pain at all. I  definitely understand the agony. For those times when I can't ever imagine an end to the darkness and despair I try to remember that there are some things that are good and I won't always feel this way. Keeping my journal is very helpful for this. On those days when I feel okay, I record the positive things; a compliment, a task accomplished, a beautiful day, fun with a friend. I find that I have to record these things because I can never recall any of these things when I need them the most. So I have to go back through my journals to remind myself that there are some positives.

In my life, I have been very lucky. My mom tried to kill herself when I was 17 and it was horrible. Thank god she survived. She was in a lot of pain and she struggled for years and years. It took time but she is so much better now. She has a very fulfilling life; a good marriage, children that she loves, a lovely home and I am so grateful that she survived her attempt. If she would have died, she would have missed out on so much. At the time when she made the attempt, she couldn't imagine a future when she would ever be happier, but things change.

I don't know if my saying that makes things worse, sorry. I just want you to know that even though life feels like a chore right now, you probably won't always feel this way. Please take care of yourself and don't give up. Many hugs from me too.


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## Domo

Daniel said:


> They may be able to get an extension.  I was always able to get an extension when my therapist contacted the insurance company. And when I didn't have insurance, my parents paid for my therapy.
> 
> Your psychologist may also be able to provide a discount (sliding scale rate based on your income) or even pro-bono work.


This is through medicare and they only give you 12 sessions a year.

I don't have health insurance, only hospital cover that my parents pay for. I looked into getting insurance so i could get some assistance with this stuff but it was pathetic. The amount you get back didn't even come close to the $100 monthly fee i would have to pay to get it. Plus i have a job so i can't get any concessions etc.

Mum said she'd pay for half but that's still $100 a week. I am meant to move out of home this year and when i do i won't have a spare $100 each week. I can't really handle extending the sessions t each week either. I struggle with only one session as it is.

I suppose i will have to discuss my options with her next appointment.


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## Daniel

> Normally my family is enough to stop me from doing anything but it's starting to not hold much weight.


Still, it may help to call them (again) for emotional support, at least this evening after you come home from work.



> Mum said she'd pay for half but that's still $100 a week.


Yeah, even adjusting the currency, anything over $150 USD is a lot to pay for a one-hour session, though that is not uncommon at all.  There are cheaper options.  I was able to get therapy for only $80 USD per one-hour session by going to a community clinic, and some university clinics charge the public only around $40 USD.


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## Domo

Murray said:


> Hi Domo,
> I am so sorry that you are struggling so. There are times with depression that it seems like things will never be any better, that all you can see in the future is more suffering and you can feel like giving up. But, things aren't always like that. You have a family that loves you, Cheddar to visit with, new leather boots to wear, and lots of other things. Please don't think that I am minimizing your pain at all. I  definitely understand the agony. For those times when I can't ever imagine an end to the darkness and despair I try to remember that there are some things that are good and I won't always feel this way. Keeping my journal is very helpful for this. On those days when I feel okay, I record the positive things; a compliment, a task accomplished, a beautiful day, fun with a friend. I find that I have to record these things because I can never recall any of these things when I need them the most. So I have to go back through my journals to remind myself that there are some positives.
> 
> In my life, I have been very lucky. My mom tried to kill herself when I was 17 and it was horrible. Thank god she survived. She was in a lot of pain and she struggled for years and years. It took time but she is so much better now. She has a very fulfilling life; a good marriage, children that she loves, a lovely home and I am so grateful that she survived her attempt. If she would have died, she would have missed out on so much. At the time when she made the attempt, she couldn't imagine a future when she would ever be happier, but things change.
> 
> I don't know if my saying that makes things worse, sorry. I just want you to know that even though life feels like a chore right now, you probably won't always feel this way. Please take care of yourself and don't give up. Many hugs from me too.


Those good times are so fleeting though. I just feel bitter that i get a taste of something good and it's taken away again. I'll probably have to be on medication for most of my life and things are always going to be hard for me. 

I'm happy for you that your mum pulled through. The hope of something good happening isn't really enough to want me to stick around. 

You didn't make anything worse either. I appreciate your reply and the hugs too.

I am just tired of this chronic broken heart.


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## Daniel

> and things are always going to be hard for me.


No, they won't.  Again, you are projecting your current mood into the future while also having another, very human memory bias of being able to easily recall negative experiences.  Depression makes these pre-existing memory biases a lot worse.  

Also, even in people without depression:



> We are terrible at predicting our future feelings accurately, especially if our predictions are based on our past experiences. The past exists in our memory, after all, and memory is not a reliable recording device: We recall beginnings and endings far more intensely than those long "middles," whether they're eventful or not. So the horrible beginning of your vacation will lead you astray in deciding the best place to go next year.
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/positive-psychology/15360-the-pursuit-of-happiness.html


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## Domo

Daniel said:


> Still, it may help to call them (again) for emotional support, at least this evening after you come home from work.
> 
> Yeah, even adjusting the currency, anything over $150 USD is a lot to pay for a one-hour session, though that is not uncommon at all.  There are cheaper options.  I was able to get therapy for only $80 USD per one-hour session by going to a community clinic, and some university clinics charge the public only around $40 USD.


I still live at home so they are around. I'm not very close to them though. I could never tell them how i am really feeling. I mean they see that i am depressed but i could never tell them i thought i would hurt myself (hence why i can't go to hospital). The only reason i meant that they keep me alive is it would destroy them if i died. I don't want to be responsible for causing that kind of pain.

I've thought about seeing someone cheaper but i've been with her on and off since 2006 and i would hate to rebuild that kind of relationship. I might not have a choice though.

Hopefully we can work soemthing out.

---------- Post added at 10:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:19 PM ----------

Thank you for all the replies by the way.


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## Jackie

Just sending you some hugs and letting you know I am thinking of you, in a rush today but didnt want to totally ignore your posts! ((Hugs))


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## forgetmenot

Hey Domo i can so relate to what you posted the extreme fatigue the days of constant just surviving.  I think what will help is remembering the days that were good the days with your brothers puppy and spending time with your twin.  The happy days remind us there will be times like this again. You are going through some medication changes so understandable your moods will be all over  Be patient okay although i know it is hard things will get better.  I need to follow my own advice here and remember the good days because there will be more of those and it is those memories we have to keep because they will give us the strength to hold on a little longer. Your twin your family the puppy all good things  take care okay


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## Domo

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for talking to me yesterday. Feeling a tiny bit better today. 

Having this forum to get these thoughts out of my head makes a big difference for me. I stew in my own head a lot (always negative of course) and talking about some things that are on my mind and having someone get me to look at things in another light helps.

So thank you.


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## SoSo

Hi Domo,
Glad to hear you are feeling a tiny bit better today, every tiny bit helps.  I know all about 'stewing in my own head a lot" as even this ole' great grandma still does that, round and round it goes and where it stops, I sure don't know.  Sometimes I just amaze or stupefy myself at the things I can stew overmg:  Hope something works out with the T or getting some sort of help with the expense etc.
big ole' granny hugs:support:SoSo


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## Domo

SoSo said:


> Sometimes I just amaze or stupefy myself at the things I can stew overmg:


Yes even i amaze myself sometimes too. I start worry about something/someone. And when i don't have answers my head fills in the gaps, but it's always the absoulte worst possible scenario and then i get myself into a mess.


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## Murray

Yeah, that sounds so familiar. My therapist tells me that I tend to "catastrophize" as he puts it. I suppose it must go along with the anxiety and depression. Usually, things don't end up being as bad as I imagined it would be.


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## Domo

Not allowed to take any meds at all today.

I feel like there is a ghost in my head.

My brain it rattling and won't keep up with my eyes.

I am making myself sick because i can't stop rocking back and forth.

**** you depression :2thumbs:


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## David Baxter PhD

Domo said:


> Nothing exactly specific. Kind of just everything and nothing. Just sick of having to wake up every day. This life is nothing but a chore.
> 
> Don't think it's the med change, took my half dose last night. Can't imagine it would make any difference this quickly. And if it is i am screwed because if i get any worse then things might get messy.
> 
> No we don't do CBT. We just talk. I don't want to challenge my thoughts. I'll be glad the day i have enough courage to end it all.
> 
> Thanks Turtle. Good luck with the study.


 


Domo said:


> Not allowed to take any meds at all today.
> 
> I feel like there is a ghost in my head.
> 
> My brain it rattling and won't keep up with my eyes.
> 
> I am making myself sick because i can't stop rocking back and forth.
> 
> **** you depression :2thumbs:


 
What medication are you tapering off, Domo? And what is the plan for a replacement?


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## Domo

David Baxter said:


> What medication are you tapering off, Domo? And what is the plan for a replacement?


 
Coming off Zoloft. Been on a half dose for the last 3 days, now nothing at all for the next 3. Then i start on 75mg of Efexor XR, if tolerating increase to 150mg. Then by that stage i will have another psychiatrist appointment and we will evaluate from there. He said he thinks i will need to get up to about 300mg.


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## forgetmenot

Hope your feeling better Domo  My daughter had hard time coming off the Zoloft too her head felt like she had zaps going in it.  Hang in there okay it will get better take care.


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## Domo

I don't really know what to do now. I feel for the most part fine. My body aches and my head is a bit muddy but i think i am fine otherwise.

I told my brother last night that i was switching meds. And that for a few days i would be on nothing at all. He said that was good and maybe i'd feel better not having drugs messing with my brain. Maybe he is right. Maybe i should see how i go being unmedicated. 

Maybe there is nothing actually wrong with me and taking pills isn't going to get me any closer to finding out who i am.

I won't make any desicions without talking to anyone. I'm just confused.


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## Daniel

Are you just talking about temporary withdrawal symptoms?

(On the positive side, those medications you mention don't have dietary restrictions.   Over ten years ago, I even tried MAOI inhibitors for depression, and was told if I accidentally ate cheese, I may have to go to the emergency room. Nowadays, MAOI inhibitors don't require dietary restrictions because they are available as a patch.)


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## Domo

Yeah i believe they are. Can't see any other reason for it. I've come off anti-depressants twice before but was never really taking them properly in the first place so nothing  happened. Not that i remember anyway.

Heh cheese. That would suck.


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## Banned

Hey Domo,

I'm not sure what your diagnosis is, but I can speak a bit from my experience in the hopes it might help you.

I was diagnosed at 17 with dysthymia but didn't really do anything with that diagnosis.  I went to a quack-psychiatrist for four years and then that was it.  When I was around 26 things started falling apart...I was feeling really "off" and started self-injuring.  My doctor put me on Wellbutrin and sent me to another quack-psychiatrist, which only lasted three sessions.  I stuck with the meds for a year or so.  Then, I decided I'd be better off without them (note the use of the word "I").   I went off them and just muddled along...things were kind of ok for a bit, but not really.

Fast forward to when I was about 30.  I was really depressed and went back on Wellbutrin.  It was ok for a bit and I was pretty compliant but not entirely.  I went off it after about a year.

Fast forward to last summer (July).  I had been "un-medicated" for about three years, and thought I was ok.  Things came to a crashing halt really quickly.  I'd been in therapy for three years (no meds) but found myself more and more depressed and then horribly suicidal.  I mean, really horribly suicidal.  Therapy was ok and helping but it wasn't enough.

I went back on meds last July.  Then I went off them at the end of July.  Then I went back on them in August.  Then I went off them in November.  Every time I went off them I thought I was fine, and I was for a week or so.  But, I'd also crash really, really, really badly after a couple weeks.  Right when I thought everything was great and I've proven to everyone that I didn't need meds.

Every time I crashed I jeopordized my health, my safety, my life, my relationships, my business.  I was totally non-compliant even when I was on them, because I didn't feel like I had a choice and I was really angry about taking them.

Then in January (two months ago) I crashed yet again, and hard.  And I'm not sure what happened, but I decided I needed to be on them.  I think I looked back at my past patterns of behaviour, and saw the difference in my thoughts and behaviours from being on them and being off them.  It was pretty clear what I needed to do.  I went back on them and things have been so much better.

I'm now "ok" with being on them, but it took alot of pain and damage to get to this point.  I don't like it, but I've pretty much accepted it.  

So...the point of all this...is if others (therapist, doctor, family, friends) think you need to be on them, you likely do.  And if a lower dose wasn't working, it's not likely that "no dose" will work even better.  And it sucks.  I get that.  But your quality of life will be so much better once you accept them and just take them.  The road is far too rocky otherwise, and it doesn't make sense not to take them if they can really make a difference for you.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I said "I don't actually think there's anything wrong with me.  I think everyone else is wrong."  I dont' like using the word "wrong", because it seems so injust.  Bipolar is part of who I am.  It's part of the package.  It's part of what makes me me.  It gives me alot of attributes I really like.  The meds temper the effects of the attributes I don't like, and the attributes that take away from what makes me "neat" and cool.  They round out the package and make me alot easier to deal with and easier to be around.

I know this is kind of long, and I'm sorry, but the more I wrote, the more  I felt like I had to write, if not for you, then for me.

I hope you'll stick with meds, even if it's a bit of trial and error to figure out the right one(s) for you.  You can come here any time and whine and complain about how much you hate them.  And I'll listen to you, and tell you I understand, because  I do, but I also promise it gets alot better in time.


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## Domo

Thank you turtle. I appreciate you sharing that.

Initial diagnosis is dysthymia with episodes of major depressive disorder. I don't really know that i hold any value to that though. It doesn't sit well with me.

As for if others think i should be on them, psych and therapist do. Family is tricky. Mum and dad want me to be well but they don't understand. My brother doesn't understand either but doesn't really think i should be taking anything. 

Call me crazy but i want to be on that edge. I need to feel death.

I never really understand what is going on in my head, with or without meds i can never make sense of who or what i am.

I am just going through the motions of life and none of it means anything. I feel like i am meant for other worlds.

I'll stick with the meds for now, but they are never going to make this world home.

Thank you again for sharing.


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## Banned

Domo said:


> Thank you turtle. I appreciate you sharing that.


 
No problemo. It was actually kind of cathartic for me to write, too. So - thanks for that opportunity. 



Domo said:


> Initial diagnosis is dysthymia with episodes of major depressive disorder. I don't really know that i hold any value to that though. It doesn't sit well with me.


 
That was my first diagnosis - dysthymia, then MDD, then bipolar. Dysthymia can and does sometimes morph into bipolar, and you can have bipolar as well as dysthymia (not saying you do, just saying that sometimes things are more complicated than what we think.)



Domo said:


> As for if others think i should be on them, psych and therapist do. Family is tricky. Mum and dad want me to be well but they don't understand. My brother doesn't understand either but doesn't really think i should be taking anything.


 
My family is tricky too. It took a long time for my mom to understand that depression can be physical. She kept telling me I have nothing to be depressed about and I just need to get on with life. I think with my more current diagnosis its actually easier for her to understand than it was before. But, you need to act on what you and your health care team thinks is in your best interests. 



Domo said:


> Call me crazy but i want to be on that edge. I need to feel death.


 
Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. But, the more you experience life, the less appealing that edge of death is. 



Domo said:


> I never really understand what is going on in my head, with or without meds i can never make sense of who or what i am.


 
That's why therapy and medication are often recommended to be used in unison. They both work best together, in most instances.



Domo said:


> I am just going through the motions of life and none of it means anything. I feel like i am meant for other worlds.


 
Been there, done that, got this t-shirt too . Meds will change that. Therapy will help you accept and embrace the change. Together they will shift your focus and thoughts to enjoy being in a different place and space.



Domo said:


> I'll stick with the meds for now.


 
Good. 



Domo said:


> Thank you again for sharing.


 
You're welcome.


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## Domo

Domo said:
			
		

> I am just going through the motions of life and none of it means anything. I feel like i am meant for other worlds.





Turtle said:


> Been there, done that, got this t-shirt too . Meds will change that. Therapy will help you accept and embrace the change. Together they will shift your focus and thoughts to enjoy being in a different place and space.


Why should i be medicated for feeling that? I mean what if there is something to it? If we restrict our thinking to what is deemed 'normal', well we might be missing out on something. We could be onto something and at this rate we will never know because we have to take pills and train our brains to be what society thinks is acceptable. People have religion. They believe in gods, millions and millions of people die for these beliefs, and i am the one being labeled crazy for being open to the possibility of there being more out there? Where is the justice in that? 

We need to suffer for this evolution. It was never going to be easy. Like religion there will be casualties. Only this time it's in mind, not body.


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## David Baxter PhD

Domo said:


> If we restrict our thinking to what is deemed 'normal', well we might be missing out on something.



Yes, indeed. You might be missing out on feeling depressed, chronically pessimnistic, hopeless, and suicidal.



Domo said:


> We could be onto something and at this rate we will never know because we have to take pills and train our brains to be what society thinks is acceptable.



No. Not what society thinks is acceptable. What you know is acceptable. See above.



Domo said:


> i am the one being labeled crazy for being open to the possibility of there being more out there?



1. Who is labeling you "crazy"?
2. More of what out there exactly? More of the despair you're feeling?



Domo said:


> Where is the justice in that?



What does justice have to do with any of this?



Domo said:


> We need to suffer for this evolution. It was never going to be easy.



Why? There's nothing noble about suffering. You won't be granted sainthood for suffering needlessly. You're going to suffer enough at times with or without medication. Analgesics dull the pain but it's still there. Would you argue that one should reject analgesics and experience the full experience of pain so as not to miss anything? Would you argue for surgery without anaesthetic?

The thing is that once your depression lifts, you will fully realize how distorted and irrational your thinking here really is.

But it's your life, your choice. If you want to be depressed, hopeless, helpless, pessimistic, cynical, negative, and suicidal, carry on.


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## Mari

> we have to take pills and train our brains to be what society thinks is acceptable



Dear Domo, I hope you do it for 'you' and not because you think that someone wants to train your brain. What quality of life do you want for yourself? Do you think that your doctor/therapist could help you sort out your thoughts? As Turtle said 'it gets alot better in time'. :support: Mari


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## forgetmenot

Hey Domo your thoughts seems so logical to you and at one time to me too. I stopped my meds several times thinking no i just don't need them i can do all this on my own.  It doesn't happen i only get worse then all that time wasted again getting back on them stabilizing. I know you wish you could do without them as do i   It gets to the point do i want to survive or do i just want to give in which i have almost done now when i have been off the meds.  You need to look at medication differently and accept that is is a positve thing to do  When you are accepting of the medication and truly believe they are necessay I find they actually work better for me. Crazy i know but its true. When you mind is not fighting the thoughts of taking them they work better.  Stay stable okay stay well for you for your happiness why suffer all the unnecessary pain the sadness if it can be eased up a bit.  I am still taking my medication and will continue to as i know now my life would have been so much better if someone would have help me see clearly along time ago.  Take care Domo stay well okay hope you are able to talk to your therapist soon so all those distorted thoughts leave you soon .


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## Marcel

Violet said:


> Stay stable okay stay well for you for your happiness why suffer all the unnecessary pain the sadness if it can be eased up a bit.



Domo - I was wondering if any of your resistance is because you think you don't deserve to be happy?


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## Domo

David Baxter said:


> 1. Who is labeling you "crazy"?
> 2. More of what out there exactly? More of the despair you're feeling?



The people that think i need medication.
As for what this more is. I do not know. That's my point. We will never know. But something that helps me/us feel like we are home.



David Baxter said:


> Why? There's nothing noble about suffering. You won't be granted sainthood for suffering needlessly. You're going to suffer enough at times with or without medication. Analgesics dull the pain but it's still there. Would you argue that one should reject analgesics and experience the full experience of pain so as not to miss anything? Would you argue for surgery without anaesthetic?.


Nor do i want sainthood. I get the whole would you have surgery without anaesthetic, would you not trake insulin for your diabetes, why would you not take medicine for your mental health. I understand where you are coming from but sometimes i find these things incomparable.



David Baxter said:


> The thing is that once your depression lifts, you will fully realize how distorted and irrational your thinking here really is.



Maybe. We'll find out when i take start taking meds again tomorrow.



David Baxter said:


> But it's your life, your choice. If you want to be depressed, hopeless, helpless, pessimistic, cynical, negative, and suicidal, carry on.



I'm not really sure what i want anymore. I am confused. Part of me does not want to feel the things so i co-operate with my psychiatrist and psychologist. The other part of me wants to explore these other possibilities.



Mari said:


> Dear Domo, I hope you do it for 'you' and not because you think that someone wants to train your brain. What quality of life do you want for yourself? Do you think that your doctor/therapist could help you sort out your thoughts? As Turtle said 'it gets alot better in time'. :support: Mari


I don't really know anymore. About anything. It is no longer clear what i should do.



Violet said:


> Hey Domo your thoughts seems so logical to you and at one time to me too. I stopped my meds several times thinking no i just don't need them i can do all this on my own.  It doesn't happen i only get worse then all that time wasted again getting back on them stabilizing. I know you wish you could do without them as do i   It gets to the point do i want to survive or do i just want to give in which i have almost done now when i have been off the meds.  You need to look at medication differently and accept that is is a positve thing to do  When you are accepting of the medication and truly believe they are necessay I find they actually work better for me. Crazy i know but its true. When you mind is not fighting the thoughts of taking them they work better.  Stay stable okay stay well for you for your happiness why suffer all the unnecessary pain the sadness if it can be eased up a bit.  I am still taking my medication and will continue to as i know now my life would have been so much better if someone would have help me see clearly along time ago.  Take care Domo stay well okay hope you are able to talk to your therapist soon so all those distorted thoughts leave you soon .


I am always compliant and it never gets me anywhere. I've not missed one single dose in the 11 months i have been on them. I see my psychologist on Thursday. Maybe i should talk to her sooner.



Buffy55 said:


> Domo - I was wondering if any of your resistance is because you think you don't deserve to be happy?


I struggle to answer this. My first thought was, of course i don't deserve to be happy. The second thought being, why don't i? Is it not a basic human right?


----------



## David Baxter PhD

David Baxter said:
			
		

> 1. Who is labeling you "crazy"?





			
				Domo said:
			
		

> The people that think i need medication.



Nonsense. I take medication. I don't think I'm crazy and no one has ever suggested that I am.


----------



## Domo

Fine then - distorted thinking, not acceptable, against the norm.


----------



## David Baxter PhD

No. The problem is not that it's against the norm. The problem is that it's irrational and self-defeating and creates negative moods that do not need to exist.

You really need to read the following:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn...lings-and-the-thoughts-that-control-them.html

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn...y/1451-the-ten-forms-of-twisted-thinking.html

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn.../18058-ten-ways-to-untwist-your-thinking.html


----------



## forgetmenot

You deserve to be happy Domo you deserve peace and healing okay  just believe that


----------



## Domo

David Baxter said:


> No. The problem is not that it's against the norm. The problem is that it's irrational and self-defeating and creates negative moods that do not need to exist.
> 
> You really need to read the following:
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn...lings-and-the-thoughts-that-control-them.html
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn...y/1451-the-ten-forms-of-twisted-thinking.html
> 
> http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cbt-cogn.../18058-ten-ways-to-untwist-your-thinking.html


I read these, but i am not sure.

Ugh i am just really confused. 

I was awoken from a dream and it still feels like i am in it. I can't make much sense of these points.


----------



## Banned

Read them when you're more awake, and can make sense of them, Domo.  They are excellent articles that are really helpful.

You also might want to pick up a book by Dr. David Burns - The Feeling Good Handbook.  It'll really help you identify distorted thoughts and work through some fixes to help change them.  It's an excellent adjunct to the therapeutic process.


----------



## Domo

*Domo's big adventure to hospital*

Wait in emergency department for 4 hours. Talk to doctor for 5 minutes. Doctor goes away to talk to his supervisor. Doctor returns one hour later. Doctor won't admit Domo because she isn't taking meds and they find no point in admitting when all they will do is make Domo take meds which she can do at home. (Oh i have a pretty good idea why you should admit me....so i don't ****ing kill myself! )

Doctor gives Domo dose of effexor and sedative. Domo is waiting for said sedative to actually work.

The End.

PS. **** you public health system.


----------



## Murray

Oh Domo,
I hope that you are safe right now. I am so sorry that you had to go through that, it must be so frustrating  to feel like the doctors are dismissing you like that. Are your parents and brother around to help? Can you get in to see your therapist soon? I just hope that you are okay. Please take care of yourself. Murray


----------



## Banned

Hey Domo,

Sorry to hear about your experience, but, quite frankly, its not surprising.  It seems no matter where in the world you are there are just not enough hospital beds, and so they are reserved for those with the most severe physical ailments.  Mental health has always been overlooked and underfunded, and health care workers are required to treat patients on a triage system.  It's not surprising they didn't keep you.  What if they had?  You say so you don't kill yourself, but how long would you expect them to keep you?  Indefinitely?  Not to sound harsh, but remember the ER is an acute care system, not a maintenance or chronic care system, which is why they wouldn't have admitted you.

Having said that, it's obvious you need some help.  Have you contacted your therapist today?  I'd recommend getting an app't ASAP.  You really do need help, and I'm not sure the ER is the best place anyway, since they're not trained in mental health issues.  I'd recommend contacting your psychologist and / or psychiatrist right away.

Good luck and keep us posted.


----------



## forgetmenot

I am glad you still went Domo you reached out for help when you needed it and that took strength good for you.  I hope the effexor and sedative help settle your mind.  If you have to go back again tonight do it and keep doing it until you get the help you need.  Call your psychiatrist and see if heor she will admit you without going through the emergency dept. You need to be watched when switching over your medication like that because of instability it brings.  Your doctor should be awareof that and have maybe hospitalized you until  the switch over was done.  Keep stong okay like i said you do what in necessary for you to survive and if it takes going back to emergency then do it.  I am glad you are looking after yourself Domo you deserve to be well and happy take care.


----------



## Domo

Murray said:


> Oh Domo,
> I hope that you are safe right now. I am so sorry that you had to go through that, it must be so frustrating  to feel like the doctors are dismissing you like that. Are your parents and brother around to help? Can you get in to see your therapist soon? I just hope that you are okay. Please take care of yourself. Murray


Mum was around. I think that's why they sent me home. Seeing my psychiatrist today.



Turtle said:


> Hey Domo,
> 
> Sorry to hear about your experience, but, quite frankly, its not surprising.  It seems no matter where in the world you are there are just not enough hospital beds, and so they are reserved for those with the most severe physical ailments.  Mental health has always been overlooked and underfunded, and health care workers are required to treat patients on a triage system.  It's not surprising they didn't keep you.  What if they had?  You say so you don't kill yourself, but how long would you expect them to keep you?  Indefinitely?  Not to sound harsh, but remember the ER is an acute care system, not a maintenance or chronic care system, which is why they wouldn't have admitted you.
> 
> Having said that, it's obvious you need some help.  Have you contacted your therapist today?  I'd recommend getting an app't ASAP.  You really do need help, and I'm not sure the ER is the best place anyway, since they're not trained in mental health issues.  I'd recommend contacting your psychologist and / or psychiatrist right away.
> 
> Good luck and keep us posted.


You are right Turtle. I don't know what i expected/wanted from them.



Violet said:


> I am glad you still went Domo you reached out for help when you needed it and that took strength good for you.  I hope the effexor and sedative help settle your mind.  If you have to go back again tonight do it and keep doing it until you get the help you need.  Call your psychiatrist and see if heor she will admit you without going through the emergency dept. You need to be watched when switching over your medication like that because of instability it brings.  Your doctor should be awareof that and have maybe hospitalized you until  the switch over was done.  Keep stong okay like i said you do what in necessary for you to survive and if it takes going back to emergency then do it.  I am glad you are looking after yourself Domo you deserve to be well and happy take care.


I think i am ok today. Had 10 hours sleep and i am thinking clearer. Won't need to go back, nor would i go back there.

Anyway seeing the psych this afternoon. I suppose all this just proves that i really do need to take medication. Although i feel as if not taking them opens doorways in my mind that i would like to explore. It would kill me in the process.

I did meet a nice guy at the hospital who showed me how to get copper out of the headlights in cars. Bout $70 worth right there! :2thumbs:


----------



## Banned

I'm glad you're doing better.  Sleep makes a big difference, as I've learned myself.

There's nothing wrong in needing medication; I just had yet another one added to my cocktail today.  If it's going to help me function better and think clearer, then I'm on board.  And, you'll find that taking them is what opens doorways in your mind.  It really does.  

How did your app't go?


----------



## Domo

Appointment isn't until 4pm so still got a few hours to kill.


----------



## Banned

Darn time difference.  Everyone should just get on Alberta time.


----------



## Domo

I actually do have the forums set to mountain time


----------



## Banned

LOL.  Bonus points for you.


----------



## forgetmenot

I am glad you are doing better Domo  I hope you doctor will see fit to get you the help support you  need until you are totally stable.   I like how you see the positve side of things  I will have to tell my hubby about copper from headlights  every bit helps   Take care thanks for the update


----------



## Domo

Copper is only in the older cars. The new ones have platinum i think he said, which is also valuable.

He was in a biking accident a few years ago and had half his face torn off. 

He asked me why i was here and i told him. His response 'You'll be right, tomorrow is another day'.

Normally if someone said that to me, i'd be pretty offended, but something about him gave me a second of hope.


----------



## Banned

As long as we have tomorrow, we have hope.


----------



## Jazzey

Hi Domo,

I'm happy you went to the hospital.  Sometimes, just that trip, in and of itself, is enough to make us think about what path we're taking.  I'm happy you're safe. :hug:


----------



## SoSo

Me too, Domo, happy that you are safe.


----------



## Cat Dancer

Glad you're feeling some better. :hug:


----------



## Domo

Went to see the psychiatrist this arvo. He basically just asked me what happened. He wants me to keep taking the Efexor. Gave me some Temazepam if i can't sleep and some Olanzapine if i have another episode like i did. He said i baffle him. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

Now i have to go crawling back to my psychologist because in my state yesterday i said i didn't want to see her.

I'm not sure how i feel about any of this anymore.


----------



## forgetmenot

Your psychologist will understand no need to go crawling back. She will understand you were unstable and start from there  Give her a call okay keep getting the support you need. I hope your mediication will bring better days for you take care okay


----------



## Domo

Bah, i wish i never opened this door (telling my mum when i wasn't ok). Now she is wanting understand it all, which i get why. I know she loves me and wants to help but i don't want to talk to her about any of this. I need her to keep distant. 

My psychiatrist slipped up and mentioned i SI (I asked him not to but being human, he made a mistake). So my mum just came and asked me about it. Like what i do, where, how long have i etc etc. Then she asked me to see it. I don't ****ing show anybody. Obviously my ex saw it but i don't go around showing it off to anyone. Just nasty scars that are for me.

I don't really want this attention from her and i am angry that i have to deal with this extreme discomfort. I don't need this from her. I really just want to be left alone.

Woe is me right for having a mum that cares  I don't really have the words to explain why i feel this way.

On a more positive note i get to see my therapist tomorrow.


----------



## Murray

I am so glad that you get to see your therapist tomorrow, that is good news. 

It is great that your mom cares, but I can totally understand how you feel about not wanting go into all of that with her.


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey Domo for now just explain to mom that you need to keep things between you and your therapist as therapy works better that way. Tell her you appreciate her caring but now you just need some space to breath and to go over what is being taught in therapy. Reassure her that you will reach  out to her when needed okay set up some boundaries that will keep you happy and also maybe help mom if possible.  I understand not wanting others to know i think i too would be upset if my t told anyone about me. even if it did slip out. You are very good to be understanding mistakes happen   Have a good visit with therapist and maybe bring up this topic with her and get some ideas how to handle mom from her as well okay take care


----------



## Domo

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant thread and i don't expect anyone to keep replying because it's just getting the rubbish out of my head.

I am just frustrated. Monday night i was so bad i went to hospital, Tuesday i was low but not actively suicidal, yesterday i was pretty happy and today i've experienced all those things and it's only bloody 11am.

:fool:


----------



## Murray

Nothing wrong with a bit of a rant, sometimes they can be very helpful. Definitely good to get stuff out of your head.

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a rough day again.


----------



## Domo

I'm sure i'll be fine again in 5 minutes :lol:


----------



## Murray

Yeah, sometimes I think my moods are like the weather. If you don't like it, just give it a few minutes, things are bound to change. :lol:


----------



## Banned

Murray said:


> Yeah, sometimes I think my moods are like the weather. If you don't like it, just give it a few minutes, things are bound to change. :lol:


 
That's what we say in Calgary.  It's almost a mantra here.  :lol:

Domo,

Did you start on your new meds yet?  How long til you can hopefully feel some improvement?


----------



## Domo

Yes, started on Efexor on Monday (they gave me a dose at the hospital :lol

I suppose because i was tapered off zoloft, i would have to wait the normal time it takes for an AD to kick in?

To be honest i am not sure what i am fighting here anyway. I feel like the deeper we dig the more complicated it's getting. Which i am sure is not uncommon but blah. 

This is putting my job at risk, my relationships and even more my mental health with the stress of it all.

Not to mention my inability to put into words what i think and feel. I felt like a total idiot trying to explain the doors and other worlds to my therapist. It would be bloody ten million times worse with my psychiatrist. 

I just want to go to sleep :lol:


----------



## Banned

Domo said:


> Yes, started on Efexor on Monday (they gave me a dose at the hospital :lol


 
Good. Getting started is the first and hardest step.



Domo said:


> I suppose because i was tapered off zoloft, i would have to wait the normal time it takes for an AD to kick in?


 
I'm not sure. I think it would depend on which neurotransmitters they target. Zoloft is an SSRI and Effexor is an SNRI, so there's some overlap with the serotonin which may speed things up a bit, but the Effexor also works on norepinephrine. In high doses it can also inhibit the re-uptake of dopamine (this is a good thing).

Because it has a really short half-life, you need to be really diligent about taking it. Missing even one dose can throw things off and result in withdrawal symptoms.



Domo said:


> To be honest i am not sure what i am fighting here anyway. I feel like the deeper we dig the more complicated it's getting. Which i am sure is not uncommon but blah.


 
Yup...it's taken me eight months to feel like I'm finally one the right path. Eight months of hell but I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You're in the "discovery phase"...and things will start to even out and work out in time. I promise.



Domo said:


> This is putting my job at risk, my relationships and even more my mental health with the stress of it all.


 
All the more reason to work through it. The medication and therapy will help decrease those risks. It's definitely stressful, so keep seeing your therapist. Trust me when I tell you, if you weren't taking meds or in therapy, you'd still go through this at some point, but it would be 100 times worse.



Domo said:


> Not to mention my inability to put into words what i think and feel. I felt like a total idiot trying to explain the doors and other worlds to my therapist. It would be bloody ten million times worse with my psychiatrist.


 
Do you keep a journal? You might find it helpful to write things out and then bring it so s/he can either read it or you can read it or refer to it. Can you email your therapist? I used to find that really helpful, and she told me to use her email as a journal if I wanted. It kept her up to date on what I was going through during the week and paved the way for conversation when I'd see her.



Domo said:


> I just want to go to sleep :lol:


 
Sometimes that's not a bad thing .


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey Domo i think sleep is the best medicine some times gives you strength to face another day  take care okay


----------



## Domo

Thanks Turtle. All your points make sense. I just get sick of the inconsistency. 

I don't keep a journal as such. I dabble with writing and i used to give it all to her to read which was good. But i haven't written in a long time. I should try again.

Violet i would sleep but its only 2:15 pm and i am at work. I've got to finish this day before i prepare to face tomorrow


----------



## Daniel

> I've got to finish this day before i prepare to face tomorrow



And tomorrow for you is Friday.   So TGIF


----------



## forgetmenot

Yah sorry it is midnight here tommorw thursday for us i think time for me to sleep i guess seeing i really don't know what day it is hang in there Domo i hope you only have 8 hr shift


----------



## Domo

No need to be sorry. I believe it would be Thursday for you if it's after midnight?


----------



## forgetmenot

my phone says thurs mar 18 now i have to figure out if i go to work or not today shees i am confused  oh well I hope you are going to have a good day today  The sun is out here Do something just for you today okay to make you feel happy.  take care


----------



## Domo

I'm sorry i am so needy of this place lately.

I am falling to pieces. My head and heart are ****ing torn apart.

I can't stand this pain. It really is too much.


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey can you call crisis and talk to someone  I hope work is done for the day there. I know the pain and it is so hard to deal with on your own  Please call someone and talk to them your mom your brother  If not call you therapist and see if you can get in on a cancellation time.  I understand the confusion and pain i do  I just hope you can call someone if it gets too much
YOur medication is new to you right it will take time to kick in so call for help until it does okay  take care


----------



## Domo

I don't need to call a crisis line. I am not in crisis.

I still have 5 more hours of work. I had a therapy appointment yesterday, she won't see me again so soon.

Yes the meds are new.

Thank you Violet but it doesn't really matter now.


----------



## forgetmenot

crisis can be called if you are feeling overwhelmed thats all i meant  Work is good it keeps your mind focus away from your pain i hope  my work does that for me.  I am sorry you are so
torn take care


----------



## Banned

Domo said:


> I'm sorry i am so needy of this place lately.
> 
> I am falling to pieces. My head and heart are ****ing torn apart.
> 
> I can't stand this pain. It really is too much.


 
If you had unlimited powers, what would you do to fix it?


----------



## Domo

Apparently my answer was not acceptable.

I think you could probably work it out anyway.


----------



## Jazzey

No, your answer was removed by me Domo.  I'm sorry that you're struggling right now.  And I hope that you'll do everything you can to stay safe.  If not for yourself, for those that care about you.

In the meantime though,let's keep PL safe for everyone. :hug:


----------



## forgetmenot

Domo keep talking okay  i know it is hard but you can dothis okay  Your twin you r mother call them talk to them get support  They would want you to reach out when you are feeling low.  I wish i could help you more i do but i just want you to do i understand okay just hang on okay please keep safe


----------



## Banned

This might seem like a really bizarre question, Domo, but do you want to get better?  Do you want things to change?

The reason I ask is because for a long time  I was (and still am in some ways) my own worst enemy.  I didn't really want to get better because  I was (am) so afraid of what that change will look like.  I became so used to coping within a certain set of parameters that the thought of functioning outside of them was too overwhelming.  Other options, like what you said, just seemed so much easier.

Change takes work, and it takes a desire for something better.  If you don't think you want change, be honest with yourself and your therapist and make that your first goal - to want to want to get better.

It is alot easier to self-sabotage and dwell in our own miserable pot of life.  But, as I often said to myself, if I'm "stuck" here I may as well make the best of it.  And the thing is, we're only as stuck as we choose to be.  I've been where you are many, many a time, and I've no doubt whatsoever that I'll be there again, but at some point I have to believe that my life is worth fighting for and there is a whole world out there to be experienced.

It's a vicious circle - too depressed to want to do anything to get better, but knowing that if you don't do what you need to do, you won't get better.  You have to take control and take the first step.  Own the depression, but don't let it own you.

Keep posting here...we'll help you through this.  We've all been there.


----------



## Domo

I apologise for my behavior yesterday. Things got a bit out of control.

Wow Turtle, that is a really big question.

I suppose i don't feel i deserve to get better. Not to mention that if the ones i love can't be better then i don't want to be either (and yes i know i will be more equipped to help them if i am well but i've already ****ed that up anyway) I do want change but not in the way that you are thinking.

Yes i am my own worst enemy and yes the thought of being anything else is too overwhelming. The idea of being anything i would even remotely like is so unimaginable that i don't even try. When i look in the mirror, when i look into my head i see the scum of the earth. 

So...Yes i sabotage, yes i destroy. Sometimes i do it on purpose, sometimes it's just so natural that i don't even notice.

Anyway, not sure what else to say right now. Apart from reading that back, makes me really sad. I am not sure how i got here.


----------



## Jazzey

Welcome back, Domo...:support:

Sometimes Domo, we have to look forward to get better. Not focus on the things we've done 'wrong' (and btw, this is sooo subjective it's dangerous) in the past.  Just a thought.


----------



## Domo

I haven't done anything wrong. I am what's wrong.


----------



## forgetmenot

No you are not whats wrong  Your illness is unstable right now it is your illness that is wrong not you.


----------



## Jazzey

Domo said:


> I haven't done anything wrong. I am what's wrong.



No.  1) you haven't done anything wrong and 2) you're struggling.  It doesn't "make" anything wrong with you. Domo - it's ok to struggle with things.  It's ok to feel badly and have suicidal ideations  - there's nothing wrong with that.  But, you do have to take care of yourself in recognizing that all of this is just part of your thought process - nothing less, nothing more....

I hope this makes sense...


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey Domo hope you are feeling better today and that you are able to get rested up a bit now the weekend is here take care.


----------



## Cat Dancer

I just wanted to let you know I"m thinking of you. :hug:


----------



## Murray

Hi Domo,
I just wanted to send some good thoughts your way. I hope that you are feeling alright and are taking care of yourself. 



			
				domo said:
			
		

> I haven't done anything wrong. I am what's wrong.



As Jazzey and Violet have said, you are NOT what's wrong. You are struggling right now and experiencing challenges, but that doesn't make you "wrong". I know that things can be so hard sometimes,  but that doesn't make you "wrong". 

Try to have a good weekend and be kind to yourself.


----------



## Domo

Thank you everyone 

I had somewhat of a nice weekend. I went down to my unit (the place i bought but haven't moved into for those of you who don't know) and spent the night by myself. I sat outside drank coffee, smoked cigarettes and read. I felt pretty calm. My brother visited with cheddar this morning too which was nice.

I'd love to say i'm feeling better, and i suppose i am a bit. My moods are just still all over the place. Right now i am feeling agitated. But ok in the big picture.

Thank you again for the support. I hope i have the opportunity to be able to offer it back


----------



## Jackie

Domo,

I am thinking of you too! I have read your posts just way to busy to reply at the moment. Sending you posititves and hugs.


----------



## forgetmenot

Keep your doctor updated okay Domo the change over in medication needs to be watched carefully okay i am glad you are safe and your brother brought cheddar over  I laugh because i thought at first he brought you some cheese duh i just woke up mind not clear yet


----------



## Domo

I see him next week i think. This week i am doubling my dosage (as per the plan he set up for me).

I must admit my cheeky side does find amusement in making people think i am talking about cheese :teehee:


----------



## Banned

I confess, Domo, I'm one of those people.    I couldn't figure out what was so significant about your brother bringing you some cheese, and why that'd make you feel better.  Then I read Violet's post, and remembered the dog...and felt like an idiot.


----------



## Domo

Muahahahaha!

Well i am quite partial to some brie but it doesn't make me as happy as puppies!


----------



## Banned

Not a fan of brie.  Starbucks had a great ham, apple, and brie sandwich, and I used to pick all the brie off.  Blech.  But yes - puppies are definitely better .


----------



## Domo

Yum, that sounds delicious.

I couldn't stop laughing at cheddar whe she came over, she kept on crawling in between the space between my fence and the garage and getting stuck. Had to make her reverse out :lol:

---------- Post added March 22nd, 2010 at 02:55 AM ---------- Previous post was March 21st, 2010 at 09:48 PM ----------

I thought i would take the lead from some other members here and post something positive for once instead of being a miserable bastard all the time 

I just realised that this time last week i was at the hosipital in quite the mess and chatting to a guy about the value of coppper (actually he was cute so that's a positive too :lol and tonight i am feeling quite good and i even cooked up a healthy dinner. I've got some excess energy and wouldn't mind going for a walk but i don't live in the greatest area and don't really like to walk after dark. 

Anyway i hope this is the meds starting to do their thing :2thumbs:

---------- Post added at 03:57 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:55 AM ----------

I ended up going for a walk  Only 20 minutes but that's the most i've done in a few months :blush:


----------



## Murray

That is awesome Domo! I am so so glad that you are doing well. 

Yum. Brie  



			
				domo said:
			
		

> I couldn't stop laughing at cheddar whe she came over, she kept on crawling in between the space between my fence and the garage and getting stuck. Had to make her reverse out



This made me chuckle :lol: I love dogs but they are really not always the smartest creatures.


----------



## forgetmenot

Hey amazing how animals can bring some joy into ones life. I am glad you went for a little walk and are eating better  I hope your meds will kick in to  take care Domo


----------



## Domo

Just thought i'd do an update re the med change.

Pretty much no side effects at all. Only thing is lack of appetite which i am not complaining about :lol:

Also i don't know if it's related or not but i am smoking a whole lot less too. I wasn't a heavy smoker in the first place (about 6 a day, on weekends about double that) but now i only have about 1 or two. I just thought that was interesting.

I got some temazepam so sleep is not an issue either. Although i am a bit worried because it makes me feel a little too good. I can see how it would be addictive. So i really need to keep a close eye on that.


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## Banned

Hey Domo,

Thanks for the update, and I'll say - I'm glad you're smoking less .  I hope the new meds work out for you and you get some good sleep.  :2thumbs:


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