# Lost



## mjy (Jan 29, 2010)

hello, i signed up on here a while ago, but probable only posted once, because i never knew what to say. i guess i'm feeling desperate right now. i think about death and dying all the time, i feel unbearable sad. i'm 24 and i have not one single friend so i always wonder when i die who would come to my funeral. because i have not accomplished a single thing. what will my family say about me. i feel so flat and empty i want to get mad enough to kill myself. i went to see my doctor about my depression this was my first time going back after about 3 or 4 months. she's tired of seeing me, my goal was to ask her for help. i am not good at coming right out and asking for help or telling that i am feeling suicidal. she never asked me and that made me feel like my life dose not matter, not to me or anyone else. she refused to give me a prescription she told me to come back in a week or two and dismissed me. i tried to get a refill on my last one but it expired, my plan was to take them all. i'm still here i guess there is a huge part of me that wants to live but i just can't go on like this. i just don't know where to turn. i'm so tired. anyways i'm not really looking for a response, just felt like writing some of this down, but anyone have a suggestion.....thanks


----------



## Daniel (Jan 29, 2010)

:welcome: MJY.



> but anyone have a suggestion



I would see a therapist and a psychiatrist.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Jan 29, 2010)

I agree with Daniel. It's probably not that your family doctor doesn't care but that s/he doesn't know what to do to help you and s/he may be worried about giving you medication without followup counselling or therapy.

What's your situation currently, mjy? Are you at school? Working? Living with family? Living alone?


----------



## Jazzey (Jan 29, 2010)

Welcome to PL 

Suggestions...Yes - hang on.  Knowing that tomorrow is another day, that things do get better.  And, as Daniel has suggested, seek psychological or psychiatric services asap. Also, while you're in this 'spot', get rid of anything that you have that you've considered as a potential method.  Call a crisis line.  Talk to a family member.  Reach out.  

I promise that it does get better, the pain gets a little less intense, and you can get to a point where you can enjoy everything about life again - it just takes a bit of time and some determination on your part.

crisis hotlines


----------



## forgetmenot (Jan 29, 2010)

Hi have you thought about seeing a different doctor  One that you feel more comfortable with, especially if you feel you are not being heard or not being taken seriously.   A therapist psychologist can help you a great deal if you have coverage.  You are still very young to give up hope as there a lots of options to help you.   Depression can be treated with newer medications coming out all time. If you feel suicidal go to the hospital and ask for help there or call crisis okay they will talk to you and help.  Glad you posted take care okay


----------



## Mari (Jan 29, 2010)

Welcome to the forum mjy and I am sure it is difficult to talk with your doctor about this but it would be good to try again. Is there anyone through school or work or family that you could talk with? There is a lot of information here that you can read and you can keep talking if you like. There are nice people here willing to listen and sometimes sharing can make things easier. You can also check the Ontario help link if you want to find some assistance near you - someone you can talk with right now. I hope you will try again with your doctor. Have you asked your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist, therapist, or counselor? 

Distress Centres Ontario - Moving Forward Through Partnership


----------



## Retired (Jan 30, 2010)

mjy said:
			
		

> my goal was to ask her for help.
> 
> i am not good at coming right out and asking for help or telling that i am feeling suicidal.
> 
> she never asked me and that made me feel like my life dose not matter



As you are well aware, most doctors in Ontario are, sadly, under a great deal of pressure to manage the time they allot to each patient.

It is therefore imperative that your visit be planned and organized in your mind, so that the purpose of your visit be made clear as soon as you walk through the door.

For many people, a doctor visit is overwhelming and intimidating.  Although there is no reason for feeling this way, because your doctor is there to help you, nevertheless you can take steps to reduce your doctor visit anxiety.

Prior to your visit, write down all the reasons for your visit.  Because of the time menagement challenge of doctors, you need to confine your visit to one issue at a time.

Your doctor cannot help you satisfactorily if you want to talk about your anxiety, your ingrown toenail, your sunburn and your sore shoulder.

If your visit is to seek help for your depression and suicidal thoughts, when you walk through the door, you might say, "Doctor, I need help with my mood".

Then using the list you prepared, hand over the list to your doctor so s/he can read what you wrote about your anxious moments, your concerns, your suicidal thoughts, and your request for help in the form of a referral to a psychiatrist, for medication or whatever other needs you might have.



> she refused to give me a prescription she told me to come back in a week or two



Have you made the follow up appointment your doctor asked for?


----------



## tallshyone (Jan 31, 2010)

Well first off I would like to say i would enjoy being a friend to you, and that i feel you have accomplished more thanmost people  in the world by at least having some guts to speak of you needs and issues. To me it shows that you are someone who has some will to suceed at the mpst difficult job in the world...life.
Good luck to you and as your friend .know I care and am thinking of you.


----------



## mjy (Feb 1, 2010)

hey, thanks for all your responces, it means alot. i was going to school in September, but ended up quiting in December, because i just was not able get up and go. i am speaking to a counsellor from the school, don't know how long i'll be able to see her, because i'm not covered by the school anymore. she incouraged me to make a doctors apointment but i kept putting it off because going to see my doctor, well she is very intimidating and i usually shut down and my mind goes completely blank. 

i do live alone, this i believe is 1 of the only good thing that's happened for me. but on the other hand its not good because i go days without speaking or seeing anybody which makes my depression worst, but at the same time i just donot want to be around anyone. i'm just frustrated  because i honestly don't know what to with myself.


----------



## Retired (Feb 2, 2010)

> going to see my doctor, well she is very intimidating and i usually shut down and my mind goes completely blank.



Your options are to try to find another doctor who is taking on new patients, or to see your current doctor by preparing yourself in advance.

As I suggested in my earlier response, you might try writing down exactly why you made this appointment.  Explain to the doctor you are having difficulty getting all your thoughts together, which is why you made some notes

Take it one step at a time, and your doctor should try to help you.


----------

