# Need help on how to stop my thoughts



## Jolie (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm diagnosed clinically depressed and do take medication to regulate my imbalances, but I can never get pAst the feeling that I just do not want to be alive?  I have no reason to not want to live, I just truly find life so useless, just there is nothing that excites me. It is the same thing every day. Nothing changes. I will not kill myself as I do not believe that iS a solution but the feelings of just wanting to not exsist at all Are overwhelming. Does anyone else feel the same way? That there is no rhyme or reason to life? I'm so annoyed with it all that I just want it to stop. Help!


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## Andy (Mar 30, 2011)

Hi Jolie Welcome to Psychlinks:2thumbs: 



Jolie said:


> Does anyone else feel the same way?



Absolutely. It's anhedonia and it's horrible. I could have written this post myself. My doctor has told me that it will pass and in the past it has but this last time I won't even say how long it's been, that's due to my personal circumstance too though.

Have you been feeling this way for some time? Have you tried changing up your lifestyle a bit, I mean just to see if you get any sort of joy out of something new? 
Do you see a psychologist or therapist at all? 
I wish I could suggest something useful that would help, It might be interesting for me to see what others have to say as well. 

Sorry if that's not much feedback. Know that your not weird or anything for feeling this way. I don't know, I often wonder what is wrong with myself, how I can just not care about existing yet still I exist.


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## J PTSD (Mar 30, 2011)

Hi
Make sure you tell you therapist or family doctor.
Those thoughts can go along with depression. For me it's background noise. I try to focus on the now 2011. 
Hang on! 
Hope some sleep or rest helped and you feel a little better! 

Jane


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## Jolie (Mar 30, 2011)

My psychiatrist knows how I feel about life. I wish there was an easy out. I mean how can I feel like I just don't want to live? I can rationalize tHat it is not normal. But I can't get. Around it. It plays in my head Like a broken record. 

I do have medication and I'm currently on stress leave from work but nothing seems to be working. Its. Like I want to run and hide somewhere and just cease to exsist. Now saying that I have a loving caring family and I realize my options are mot realistic. But feeling this way is weighing me down. I can't tell this to my family as they will assume it is something they have done and I would never put that on them. I am just tired of not being happy and enjoying living. Seems like such a waste


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## Cat Dancer (Mar 30, 2011)

I do struggle with this too. Do you go to counseling on a regular basis? 

It's a hard thing to deal with. I'm sorry you are suffering so much right now.


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## icthus (Mar 30, 2011)

Have you tried writing poetry, expressing your feelings and reasoning with yourself? Or writing down things for which you are or can be grateful? Do you have a written and handy list of reasons to live that at some level you believe (like living for the sake of family members)? Have you tried repeating to your mind one or two good reasons to live "Like a broken record" when the "other record" (no reason to live) is stuck playing? Are you more susceptible at a certain time of day or under a pattern of circumstances? Do you walk or get regular physical activity and work at keeping yourself hydrated? (Sorry if these are "been there, done that" for you.)


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## cheljohnl (Mar 30, 2011)

I am familiar with what the doctors or counselors advice will be and obviously its not working for you to the extent that it should be. My advise would be to remember what REALLY used to make you happy and explore a different side of it. Me? I loved being outside so I went hiking to a nearby hot springs that I didn't know was even there. This worked for me because it was something new, fun, and adventurous, incorporated my interests, got me out in the sun (your body absorbs Vitamin D from the sun and will help to motivate you), it was beautiful, and it worked as exercise. Exercise is a great way to take you out of that road of thinking that you're on. I know its hard to get motivated to exercise but just try doing things that are disguised as exercise like washing/cleaning your car, cleaning your house, paint a room, do laundry, sing &/ dance. Exercise produces endorphins in the brains and they make you feel productive, energetic, and happy.

 Exercise also gives you energy. How? If your body is tired from exercise work you will sleep better instead of going to bed and thinking too much. So you will sleep better and feel better. You usually wake early, and more rested which makes you want to get out of bed and be productive. Since you are using your body, your body will tell you to eat more, so you develop an appetite again (hopefully a healthy one!). Eventually overtime your body will become more fit, you will look better, maybe shed some pounds and tone some of those muscles. This will lead to better self-esteem and a stronger, more motivated body.

          Honestly it is my opinion that people like us need to get re-connected with nature. The mundane life that modern life gives us is very boring, organized, and sometimes downright depressing. Going out to somewhere where there are no cars, ipods, phones, or people with them really helped me. It made me realize that I am just an animal caught up in a very bizarre life and that any time I want to, I can re-connect. You don't have to go hiking. Go to the beach, a park, a stream, any where with land and animals. Sometimes it helps me to go up to the edge of town at night (where town meets desert in my case) and look over all the lights. It's pretty, its not far to go, I can look at the stars and see them easier. It really helps. 

           Another suggestion if you are into animals. I love dogs! I rescued my baby and we have a great pet-owner relationship. When I am down, he knows and he will usually come to cheer me up, play with me, or snuggle with me. Taking him on walks is fun, easy, free, only takes a few minutes, gets me some exercise, and gets me outside. 
       the thing is the pills may treat the imbalances but they don't help the cause. The cause is that you are not interacting with life like you should. No matter the reason why it all comes down to the fact that we are animals. We need to explore, we need to socialize, we need to get scared, we need to have fun, and we need live, not just survive.

         If you aren't motivated to do this by yourself just find someone to do it with you (friend, teacher, family, a pet if they are capable, a co-worker, anybody you feel safe with).
        Good luck, I hope this helps you. It without a doubt helps me. It scares me to think of where I would be and what I would be thinking about if I wasn't doing these things.


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## J PTSD (Mar 30, 2011)

Take your time from work. I'm on a leave too. I noticed my withdrawal from activities has made things worse. Lots more time to DWELL on my negative feelings of being alone and the nightmare the worst time. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

 And yes,  your  suicide thoughts, are normal and are  for most of us here.


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## forgetmenot (Mar 30, 2011)

Perhaps you and your doctor should discuss changing your medication a bit  up it of change it all together to see if another medication would take these thoughts away or lessen them some.  Activity helps decrease these thoughts some  keeping your mind busy on other things  exercise is another good tool to help these thoughts become less.   The thought a worse for me at night time because it is too quiet and i have less distractions  
I hope you and your doctor can try to change things up a bit to see what happens    If what you are doing is not working  then a change needs to be done  hugs


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## Jolie (Mar 31, 2011)

I'm seeing my psychiatrist today to see what options there are. I agree it is not a pleasureable exsistance. I feel no emotion, no joy. I just need this to stop as I have a lot to look forward to as well as things to be thankful for. Just can't get past that stupid not wanting to be alive. Hopefully today helps, ill let you know how it goes!


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## J PTSD (Mar 31, 2011)

Jolie said:
			
		

> Just can't get past that stupid not wanting to be alive.


 

It's not Stupid. These emotions sometimes just happen.


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## Retired (Mar 31, 2011)

Jolie,

As has been said, ask your doctor if a modification in your medications might be indicated at this time.  However, when these thoughts of suicide and hopelessness take over your thinking, your best advice would be to reach out for support at that time.  

Your loving family could be the first place to look for a supportive person.  Family members support one another during a time of crisis, and there is no reason to think your reaching out should be interpreted as making them feel guilty.  Have you ever received negative feedback from a family member that leads you to this conclusion?

Are there other local support resources you might reach out to such as a close, trusted friend, a spiritual adviser or a local crisis line?

These thoughts are caused by the distorted thinking that are part of the illness of depression, which is why a serious conversation with your psychiatrist would be in order, to investigate treatment options that might relieve some of these symptoms.


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## Jolie (Mar 31, 2011)

I met with my Dr today and we have decided to increase my medication and to change the times i take it. I am hoping this will jump start a recovery. he has kept me off work for another 4 weeks to make sure that i can cope with the medication change. this also puts another burden on my financial situation but all affected are truly concerned about my health over the money which heps a bit but still a stress. i just pray to be happy again and just feel something!! i can honestly say the last time i felt any real kind of feeling or emotion was when my grandmother passed away and i truly felt like my heart broke. i was so sad but to actually feel an emotion was like i was actually alive. im getting married and going on a great honeymoon and i just am not interested in it at all. its every girls dream and i am just so emotionless about it. that makes me sad. i want to be excited. i want to enjoy planning it. everyone on here has really helped it does make a difference being able to put it into words. i have told my family how i feel but i worry that they think that i would kill myself. i wouldn't take that route no matter how bad i feel. i would always get help first, but i know that that is in the back of their heads and that makes me sad. so here we go with the new meds and hoping to feel something soon. xox


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## forgetmenot (Apr 3, 2011)

Hi  i am glad you and your doctor are trying to change things up a bit   let us know how it goes okay.  You should not feel no emotions  the meds are not right then  
  Going off work can you not go on sick leave and claim sick benefits while your off.  
I am glad you have support of your family  that will help you heal faster i think.  
  I hope you feel better soon so you can enjoy planning for your wedding  hugs


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## Retired (Apr 3, 2011)

Jolie,



> im getting married and going on a great honeymoon and i just am not interested in it at all.



How soon is your wedding and what is the attitude of your fianc? with regard to your illness, the treatments you are receiving and your difficulties in dealing with the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing?

As you probably know, stress is cumulative, so what advice has your doctor given you in connection with your upcoming marriage, a highly stressful event in itself,  and how it might interact with your current situation and the therapy you are receiving?


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## J PTSD (Apr 4, 2011)

Depression and Divorce: How Depression Affects Marriage and Relationships


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## Jolie (Apr 5, 2011)

i am getting married late august and most the planning is completed. just little things to be done, but i have no interest in it. im hoping it turns out alright!! all i have to do is show up right? the meds i am taking seem to have stablized my thoughts a bit. i still think about how i just don't feel like living but it is not as frequent. hoping for it to go completely very soon. i also still have days i just don't want to get out of bed, but im trying to force myself. and to get some exercize. i do want to get better and to just live normally. It will be a eureka day when i can say i feel an emotion such as happiness or excitement. i want to feel the butterflies in my stomach, the giggles of happiness.. it will come, i won't give up.. you all have been so helpful.. thank you so much.. all my love and blessings to you all xox


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