# Options for Helping Troubled Teens



## Retired (Dec 9, 2011)

Options for Helping Troubled Teens: Therapy, Boarding Schools & More

Once parents understand their troubled teen is heading in the wrong direction, important decisions must be made in a timely manner. Depending on the severity of your child's problems, there is an intervention available that can work. 

Below are a few possible options for helping your youth. The options near the top of this list should be considered for adolescents with fairly minor problems and the options at the bottom are more appropriate for helping troubled teens facing major issues and challenges.

*Counseling* 

Family counseling is a good place to start with a teen who is struggling at home with more minor things such as defiance, lying, failing in school, etc. We have found that often times family counseling does not work with teens but occasionally it does. The reason it often does not work is that one or two hours a week and then right back to the same school and friends doesn't usually produce the needed pull that will dislodge a teen from the negative rut are stuck in. If this is the route that you are inclined to try first please observe a few suggestions from us.

1. Find a psychologist or a counselor who has the same values found in the home. If the dynamics are not the same the therapist could become a catalyst for more problems. We have heard too many horror stories from parents who thought they were doing a good thing by having their teen in counseling only to find out that the counselor was advising their teen to do things the parents did not agree with. We have found that a certificate of education does not fully qualify one to provide solutions to problems. Interview prospective therapists and make sure their morals and values and in line with yours. Discuss your teens problems and make sure their solutions will be in harmony with what you want.

2. Once a trusted therapist is found make sure you are sitting in on the sessions with your teen. It doesn't do a bit of good to have the teen go through counseling and the parents not be a part of finding and creating possible solutions. Often times there are adjustments that each individual family member can make to help things to turn around. Be open to change.

3. The therapist should be giving regular assignments for parents and teens. These assignments/goals should be the method of forward movement.

4. Change is very difficult for everyone. If it seems like the process is too easy be leery. When true change is made mountains are climbed. A good therapist is not necessarily going to be your best friend. He/She will often tell you and your teen things you do not want to hear. Remember change takes lots of time and can be very difficult. Be patient.

*Restriction*

 Restrictions are a necessary step in the "tough love" process. While most teens act like they know everything they don't. In reality "life" is a fairly new experience that they really have not learned much about. To help them learn they must have consequences for bad decisions they make. For instance, when a finger touches a hot stove the consequence is that it really hurts. The pain involved usually will keep that person from touching the hot stove a second time. When teens are breaking rules and starting down the path toward failure it is our job as parents to issue consequences/restrictions so that they will learn what is healthy and what is not. If hot things didn't burn us who would hesitate to touch them? Here are a few considerations for establishing and giving consequences:

1. Provide clear rules and directions - These directions need to be direct and short. For example, "please kept the food on the plate" makes clear to the child what is expected, whereas "be good" does not.

2. Clear consequences - e.g. "if you don't do it now you can't watch TV today."

3. Consistency - If parents do not enforce rules each time they are broken, this can encourage the child to keep challenging that particular rule until the parent consistently enforces the rule each time it is broken. If the child thinks there is even a slight chance they will get away with breaking a rule they will try their luck. Consistency is key to molding a child.

 4. Calm handling of defiance - Long, angry arguments where emotions rise to boiling point and harsh things are said are best avoided. It is more effective for parents to deliver the agreed consequence for misbehavior in a clam way, and then get on with the day's activities.

 5. Psychology of Consequences - Consequences should always help to promote change. They should be used when rules are broken but never be given in anger, irritation, spite or any other negative way. When your teen knows that your intentions are to help it becomes a totally different game then if they think you are just out to make their life miserable.

 Additional things to remember when considering restrictions:

Relate the consequence to the offense. 
No corporal punishment 
A consequence should be psychologically correct for each individual child. 
Give logical reasons for the consequences. 
If you make a mistake admit it. 
Do not take action when you are angry. 
Try to find the underlying causes of behavior. 
Time consequences carefully. 
Be disciplined yourself. 
When in doubt, give the child the benefit. 
Be encouraging in public, give criticism in private when circumstances allow. 
Short and accomplishable.
 
*Removal from Environment *
When all other methods have been exhausted many parents look for outside help. Typically when a troubled teen is out of control there is very little that parents, teachers, friends can do. Many parents turn to Therapeutic Boarding Schools for help in turning their teens life around. If the right school is found, many benefits can come from this option. If you are at the point where you are considering placing your child in a treatment facility please consider the following:

1. Make sure the school or program can work with the behaviors your teen is exhibiting.

2. Find out about the programs policies regarding their behavior modification techniques.

3. Most importantly if everything is comfortable thus far make arrangements to visit the school to meet the staff and residents. Most schools will be very open with everything they are doing and should be more then happy to have you come out and speak with staff and students. A good indicator of how your teen will do at the school in question is to look at al of the teens who are currently there. Do they all look depressed and angry? Or, do the majority of the teens look happy and are they respectful? If the latter is the case and all other things feel right you have most likely found a school that will help your child.


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## Xelebes (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm sorry to have to say this but I have very grave warnings about the site you are linking to.  Many of the programs listed on it use Teen Escort Agencies, which are banned in Canada due to their lack of self-regulation and concerns over the ethics and professionalism of such services.  Many of the schools listed are located purposefully in states where regulating the therapy used is impossible, such as Montana.  Some of them are connected to CEDU [Warning: Trigger] and WWASP [warning: triggers], the former organisation shut down in 2005 and was bought by Aspen Education Group and thus have some of the same techniques used and the latter is undergoing a class-action lawsuit.

In the featured column:

*Turning Winds* CAFETY Rating: 9
*New Haven for Girls* has several survivor support groups.  CAFETY Rating: 9 
*Moonridge Academy*: CAFETY Rating: 6.  Maine has stopped funding the place following investigations into the quality of care there.
*La Europa* CAFETY Rating: 6.  Be warned that they are accredited by the Northwest Association of Accredited Schools, which is familiar to the public for the State of New York not accepting diplomas in relationship to Academy at Ivy Ridge (WWASP program.)

RTCs and Troubled Teen Programs are notorious for failing to provide access to your children and being deceitful, many operating with confrontation therapies that are hidden from the prospective parent when given tours.  The advice about making sure the children's faces are happy and not depressed is exceptionally alarming.  Even outpatient CBT programs have their fair share of down-looking patients as they are putting together their lives through therapy.  It is best to look around for safety records if possible and to look around for survivor groups.  If all else fails, ask others.

CAFETY (Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth) maintains a score sheet for over 1200 various programs.  Programs with a Danger Rating 10 are likened to North Korean Concentration Camps where gross violation of human rights and high risk of physical harm are present (Examples would be WWASP's High Impact and Tranquility Bay [warning: trigger].)  5 is iffy and preferably you would aim for three and under if you feel that you must use these.

---------- Post added at 08:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 PM ----------




Xelebes said:


> CAFETY (Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth)



Link to the CAFETY website.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 7, 2012)

Thank you for posting this information and warning, Xelebes.
[h=2][/h]


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## Xelebes (Feb 7, 2012)

I'm going to go into a more in depth critique of the article.



Steve said:


> Options for Helping Troubled Teens: Therapy, Boarding Schools & More
> 
> Once parents understand their troubled teen is heading in the wrong direction, important decisions must be made in a timely manner. Depending on the severity of your child's problems, there is an intervention available that can work.



Can someone please define what a troubled teen is?  Is it someone who is experiencing a mental disorder?  Is it someone who has experienced a trauma?  Is it someone who is experimenting with alcohol and drugs?  Or is it someone who is being defiant for whichever reason?  I find it odd that the article begins with the presumption that the reader understands what the term "troubled teen" and is able to understand what the causes might be.  



> Below are a few possible options for helping your youth. The options near the top of this list should be considered for adolescents with fairly minor problems and the options at the bottom are more appropriate for helping troubled teens facing major issues and challenges.
> 
> *Counseling*
> 
> Family counseling is a good place to start with a teen who is struggling at home with more minor things such as defiance, lying, failing in school, etc. We have found that often times family counseling does not work with teens but occasionally it does. The reason it often does not work is that one or two hours a week and then right back to the same school and friends doesn't usually produce the needed pull that will dislodge a teen from the negative rut are stuck in. If this is the route that you are inclined to try first please observe a few suggestions from us.



Let's take a pause here.  This article is stating that family counselling is not that particularly useful (whether it works).  Why is it jumping to that conclusion already?  Is it because the author has already decided that family counselling is not useful?  Is the author suggesting to the parent that it is not useful for the parent to make changes and the changes all fall on the teen?  A lot of children who end up at the Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centres and Wilderness Therapy Camps are there because their parents have been neglectful, dismissive, or abusive.  The claim here is only there to assuage the parents ego more than confront the parent that they too will have to make changes and sacrifices to salvage their relationship with their child. 



> 1. Find a psychologist or a counselor who has the *same values found in the home*. If the dynamics are not the same the therapist could become a catalyst for more problems. We have heard too many horror stories from parents who thought they were doing a good thing by having their teen in counseling only to find out that the counselor was advising their teen to do things the parents did not agree with. We have found that a certificate of education does not fully qualify one to provide solutions to problems. Interview prospective therapists and make sure their morals and values and in line with yours. Discuss your teens problems and make sure their solutions will be in harmony with what you want.



Dangerous stuff.  What if the kid is gay in a homophobic home?  Take them to a counsellor who will set them straight and if the counsellor cannot do that, send them away? Video: Warning | Triggers[/quote] 



> 2. Once a trusted therapist is found make sure you are sitting in on the sessions with your teen. It doesn't do a bit of good to have the teen go through counseling and the parents not be a part of finding and creating possible solutions. Often times there are adjustments that each individual family member can make to help things to turn around. Be open to change.



Compare with point one.  Which one has priority?



> 3. The therapist should be giving regular assignments for parents and teens. These assignments/goals should be the method of forward movement.
> 
> 4. Change is very difficult for everyone. If it seems like the process is too easy be leery. When true change is made mountains are climbed. A good therapist is not necessarily going to be your best friend. He/She will often tell you and your teen things you do not want to hear. Remember change takes lots of time and can be very difficult. Be patient.



Usual fare.



> *Restriction*
> 
> Restrictions are a necessary step in the *"tough love"* process. While most teens act like they know everything they don't. *In reality "life" is a fairly new experience that they really have not learned much about.* To help them learn they must have consequences for bad decisions they make. For instance, when a finger touches a hot stove the consequence is that it really hurts. The pain involved usually will keep that person from touching the hot stove a second time. When teens are breaking rules and starting down the path toward failure it is our job as parents to issue consequences/restrictions so that they will learn what is healthy and what is not. If hot things didn't burn us who would hesitate to touch them? Here are a few considerations for establishing and giving consequences:



David, please, anyone define the term "tough love."  For the love of pete's sake, please define this term.

Second bolded part: What?  This doesn't even make sense.  "Life"?  So you, the author, are saying that life does not begin until 18?  I'm sory if I'm jumpting to presumptions here, but that jumped out at me.  



> 1. Provide clear rules and directions - These directions need to be direct and short. For example, "please kept the food on the plate" makes clear to the child what is expected, whereas "be good" does not.



Which is good but... are you not infantilising the teen with that example?



> 2. Clear consequences - e.g. "if you don't do it now you can't watch TV today."



Again, with the infantilising.



> 3. Consistency - If parents do not enforce rules each time they are broken, this can encourage the child to keep challenging that particular rule until the parent consistently enforces the rule each time it is broken. If the child thinks there is even a slight chance they will get away with breaking a rule they will try their luck. Consistency is key to molding a child.



More infantilising.



> 4. Calm handling of defiance - Long, angry arguments where emotions rise to boiling point and harsh things are said are best avoided. It is more effective for parents to deliver the agreed consequence for misbehavior in a clam way, and then get on with the day's activities.



Fair enough.



> 5. Psychology of Consequences - Consequences should always help to promote change. They should be used when rules are broken but never be given in anger, irritation, spite or any other negative way. When your teen knows that your intentions are to help it becomes a totally different game then if they think you are just out to make their life miserable.



More infantilising.  What I'm trying to get at is that this article focuses solely on assertions and consequences, not leading by example or asking the teenager to explore why they are doing things.  The teenager years are when assertion & consequence are the least useful.  See the spanking threads.



> Additional things to remember when considering restrictions:
> 
> Relate the consequence to the offense.
> No corporal punishment
> ...



Here we get some of the major points that should be emphasised get reduced to footnotes.



> *Removal from Environment *



Here we go!  The sales pitch!

[/quote]When all other methods have been exhausted many parents look for outside help. Typically when a troubled teen is out of control there is very little that parents, teachers, friends can do. Many parents turn to Therapeutic Boarding Schools for help in turning their teens life around. If the right school is found, many benefits can come from this option. If you are at the point where you are considering placing your child in a treatment facility please consider the following:[/quote]

I told you!



> 1. Make sure the school or program can work with the behaviors your teen is exhibiting.



Unfortunately, many therapeutic schools do not specialise in anything more than "how much of a trouble is the child?"



> 2. Find out about the programs policies regarding their behavior modification techniques.



BF Skinner is alive, I see.  So the programs are only focused on behaviours?  That sounds swell!  Er. . . what about what's going on in the kid's head?



> 3. Most importantly if everything is comfortable thus far make arrangements to visit the school to meet the staff and residents. Most schools will be very open with everything they are doing and should be more then happy to have you come out and speak with staff and students. A good indicator of how your teen will do at the school in question is to look at al of the teens who are currently there. Do they all look depressed and angry? Or, do the majority of the teens look happy and are they respectful? If the latter is the case and all other things feel right you have most likely found a school that will help your child.



As I said earlier, giving poor advice for evaluating services.


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## Xelebes (Feb 15, 2012)

Browsing this site further, I find even more discrepancies on the *homepage*:

- Links to Essay Writing Services for students (!)
- Links to Child Transport Services (!)
- Links to Fake Diploma and Degree Services (!)

A note to the administrators or moderators, it might be best to either delete the article or to edit the first post to indicate that the site is to not be trusted and is actively participating in the promotion of fraud, plagiarism, patient abuse and child exploitation.


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## David Baxter PhD (Feb 15, 2012)

Don't you think that leaving the article as posted along with your cautions is a better warning to others?


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## Xelebes (Feb 16, 2012)

I guess.


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