# Confused



## Jazzey (Aug 20, 2009)

Last night, I went ahead and did something stupid.  By 4:30 this morning, I ended up calling emergency services and spent the night in the hospital.  The whole time, wondering why exactly I was there.

To everyone here, I offer the same sound advice about getting rid of everything, calling crisis lines etc.  And for me last night, I didn't listen to that advice.  I just ran on immediate impulse and forged ahead before I could convince myself otherwise.

having said all of this, I'm grateful to be here tonight and I'm ok. I feel a little stupide for my mindset last night, but I can get over that because I'm still here.

From this side of the fence, when the images are still fresh - I wish I had gotten rid of everything.  Then I could have distracted myself and not worry about them.

I hope this post makes sense.


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## NicNak (Aug 20, 2009)

It makes sense Jazzey, no worries.

I can understand the confusion of the situation.  

Sorry I do not have better words, but you are in my thoughts Jazzey.  :kiss2:


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## boi (Aug 20, 2009)

Hey Jazzey,
I hope you are doing ok and I am thinking of you!!!!!


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## Jazzey (Aug 20, 2009)

Thanks boi - I'm a-ok.


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## Andy (Aug 20, 2009)

:support: Hugs to you. I messaged you.


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## Fiver (Aug 21, 2009)

Getting rid of everything won't necessarily take away the thoughts, but it means you have to work harder when that impulse hits. Those extra steps give your mind the time to slow down, for the impulse to fade.

It's not necessarily a set-back, J. It's a step you took during the process, albeit a pretty drastic one, and I've no doubt you will move forward because of it.

And I'm really glad you're alive today to tell us about it. Really, really glad.


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## HBas (Aug 21, 2009)

Fiver said:


> Getting rid of everything won't necessarily take away the thoughts, but it means you have to work harder when that impulse hits. Those extra steps give your mind the time to slow down, for the impulse to fade.
> 
> It's not necessarily a set-back, J. It's a step you took during the process, albeit a pretty drastic one, and I've no doubt you will move forward because of it.
> 
> And I'm really glad you're alive today to tell us about it. Really, really glad.



I could never have said that better - Jazzey, you are in my thoughts love - thank you for sharing your intimate experience, I am sure it will be of help to others when they see they are not alone ...

Take care of you! :support:


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## Into The Light (Aug 21, 2009)

Fiver said:


> And I'm really glad you're alive today to tell us about it. Really, really glad.


same here. :hug::hug:


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## Always Changing (Aug 21, 2009)

Glad you are ok. 

It took guts to come here and post about it and I am glad that you did. :hug:


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## Jackie (Aug 21, 2009)

Glad your ok, sending lots of love and:hug:


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## Jazzey (Aug 21, 2009)

Thank you Jackie, and right back at you :hug:


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## Jazzey (Aug 21, 2009)

And, from the bottom of my heart everyone - thank you.  I keep re-reading this thread because it's a very welcome reminder of how I do matter.

Thank you, and I send you all my love :hug::hug::airkiss:

(ok - that sounds dramatic, but it is heartfelt) I sometimes forget I am in fact surrounded by people...


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