# Sayings of the Jewish Buddha



## David Baxter PhD (Apr 16, 2010)

Sayings of the Jewish Buddha

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. _Is that so complicated?_

Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. _What would you talk about?_

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. _And whose fault was that?_

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. _The Tao is not Jewish._

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. _Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems._

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You?ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.  Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals.  _You might want to see a specialist._

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions.  Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.  The Buddha says, There is no self.  So ? maybe we?re off the hook?


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## Daniel (Apr 17, 2010)

Another one:

"Buddha could not be everywhere and therefore he made Jewish mothers."


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 17, 2010)

Daniel said:


> "Buddha could not be everywhere and therefore he made Jewish mothers."


 
And Jewish mothers could not be everywhere and therefore they invented guilt.


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## Banned (Apr 17, 2010)

David Baxter said:


> And Jewish mothers could not be everywhere and therefore they invented guilt.


 
Are you sure?  I was always taught us Catholics have a trademark on guilt.


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 17, 2010)

Nope. Jewish and Italian mothers are the masters of guilt. Catholics in general just toy with it.


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## Banned (Apr 17, 2010)

Well, alot of Italians are Catholic, so that gets us somewhere.


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## David Baxter PhD (Apr 17, 2010)

NB:



David Baxter said:


> Jewish and Italian *mothers* are the masters of guilt.


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## Banned (Apr 17, 2010)

Ya but they still got it from somewhere...their mothers, the church, and the big dude in the sky (apparently they have a direct line...so I heard...).


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## Cat Dancer (Apr 17, 2010)

"the big dude in the sky"


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