# Should I tell?



## Superiority Tails

I've been thinking a lot about this and I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell my friends because I'm afriad that it would worry them. Yet it could be dangerous to my heath feeling like this. I feel like I want to die. I really don't want to commit suicide and I feel my friends would worry too much. What should I do?


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## healthbound

Hi ST.

Do you have a therapist?

I think it's good that you started by bringing it up here.

I found that once I began talking about it, I could start working through how I felt.


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## Into The Light

hi st, telling us here is a first good step. it's frightening to have those thoughts and it's frightening to tell people close to you as well. i myself didn't want to scare anyone so i kept it to myself. i was in denial for a little while as well. it's good to get it out so i am glad you told us here. keeping it to yourself makes you think about it more and more.

one thing you could do if you have a sympathetic family doctor is to tell him/her for now. they are a little more removed of the situation than your friends would be. if you are seeing a therapist i would most definitely tell him/her. i've spoken to mine about my thoughts and it was hard but it really helped to not carry around the secret.

i hope this helps. talk to us about these thoughts any time, at the very least you have the forum. :hug:


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## Superiority Tails

:hug: Thanks everyone. :hug: It's good to feel that you're not alone when facing something like this.


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## Halo

ST

I have to agree with BBC when she says that talking with us here is a good first step. I know that for me there are some friends that know how I feel when I am depressed and not wanting to be on this earth and then there are others that don't know.  For me I have made it a personal choice of who I confide in.  Some friends can handle that sort of discussion openly and some can't.  Some get too panicked and freaked out and some try to understand the best they can but to be honest with you the best friends that know when I am feeling like that and I need to talk about it are here on this forum because many of them have or are feeling the exact same way and don't judge me, critize me, think less of me or become scared of me.  They still accept me for who I am and can understand when I am struggling.  There is nothing better for me than to come to a place that I know I am going to be understood and not alone and this forum provides that support that my real friends just can't, not because they don't want to, but because they haven't been there.


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## Superiority Tails

How did you work it out with your friends?


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## Halo

I have really only had one friend that has understood and not panicked and freaked out completely.  My family doesn't even understand so at times in my real world it can feel pretty lonely and so therefore I have made the choice of deciding to not sit with my loneliness (as I have in the past) and like I said above, I come to here to a place where I feel understood, heard and accepted for exactly the way I feel and for who I am.  

I guess it really depends on how understanding, accepting and knowledgable your friends are about mental illness, depression etc.


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## ThatLady

This is a good place to come to talk these things out, ST. Not knowing your peer group, there's no way to tell if talking to them would be a good idea, or not. It might be too much for them to understand, or they might understand perfectly. A lot would depend on how much experience they've actually had with depression and its effects.


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## Superiority Tails

How will I stop myself from feeling like I want to die? Can it come out to be suicide?


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## healthbound

> How will I stop myself from feeling like I want to die? Can it come out to be suicide?


I wish I had the answer to those questions.  However, I DO know I'm starting to feel a bit "freer" lately because I've been talking more about how I'm really feeling (hmmmmm...I guess talk-therapy really DOES work!!!).

Everytime I talk a bit about what I'm really thinking and feeling, I feel a little freer from the bondage those thoughts and feelings have been keeping me in.  I am scared of the power my suicidal ideations have, but find that when I talk about them, the less powerful suicide becomes...and the stronger (or more powerful) *I* become.

Keep talking and keep telling.


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## Halo

ST

I don't think that the feelings of wanting to die will stop suddenly or will go away overnight.  I do think that with the help of medication and/or therapy they will lessen and the real reasons for the feelings will come to the surface.  Once the real feelings and reasons are exposed, then you will be able to work on them with a therapist and it is possible that the overwhelming feelings of wanting to die will subside (at least this is my hope for myself anyway )

Do you have a therapist that you are seeing who you can discuss these feelings of suicide with?


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## ^^Phoenix^^

Superiority Tails said:


> How will I stop myself from feeling like I want to die? Can it come out to be suicide?



Every suicide attenpt was a will to die at one point or anoher.  Where do yu think you are right now?  Do you want death?/So you lookforward to it?/do you simply just wish not to exhist?  Where every you are on the level, as has been said, finding someone that can talk to you and that would understand, with out freaking out and making a big fuss over it would be very beneficial.   They would  also need to know that this isn't a 'phase' or a passing moment, but that you have been feeling it off and on for (your stats (how long you have been))

As far as I know, even with the most 'healthiest' people (I use the term loosly) in the words, have had a thought of rubbing themselves out of a picture.  Most of the time, its just a passing thought when they are sad, but if not checked upon it could lead to more instances as the individual gets more and more depressed.


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## David Baxter PhD

> Every suicide attempt was a will to die at one point or another.



Actually, I would disagree. Many attempts reflect a wish to end distress or despair or emotional or physical pain, rather than a wish to die. Indeed, I would say that there are probably more attempts like this than genuine wishes to end life.


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## ^^Phoenix^^

Do you think that even in these cases a will to die hasnt propped up somewhere in the past?


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## David Baxter PhD

Yes. I have seen many clients who wanted their lives to be better rather than to die - but could not see at the moment any way to make their lives better and for that reason contemplated or attempted suicide. Many of those had never really wanted to die - just not to be hurt or be frightened any more.


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## ^^Phoenix^^

yeah, I guess your right.  I was perhaps thinking a little to small when I posted that.


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## ThatLady

In the majority of cases I come across (most are grief-driven) the people who feel the wish to die don't, for the most part, want to die. They want the pain they're feeling to die and can't figure out how to get it to do so. That's why therapy and medication are so important.


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## Halo

I know for myself personally when I have had the feeling of wanting to die it is not that I want to be gone from this earth necessarily but it is just as David said, I desperately want not to be hurting and scared anymore and the feelings are so overwhelming that at that moment the only way out of feeling is suicide.  As TL said, that is where therapy and a good support system come into play.


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## Superiority Tails

Does the fear of the future have an effect? I find myself afraid that I'll fail in life. I've found myself wanting to die because of the pain of life. I don't think I'm at the killing myself stage but the wishing to die stage. I wish there was a clear and simple way out of this.


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## Into The Light

yes, the fear of the future definitely has an effect. i think what happens is that things will happen that cause you to feel helpless and hopeless, and you think things will never change. you fear that everything will always be as it is today. you fear that nothing will work out.

one way to try and overcome that kind of thinking is to tell yourself that you simply do not know what the future holds. i know my life is not at all what i ever expected it would be. i know there are a lot of things i worry about that very often turn out differently than any possible scenario i manage to come up with in my imagination. life is full of surprises and twists and turns. they need not necessarily be bad surprises, twists or turns though.

i've been there too, seeing only pain in life. i still see it a lot. but i am slowly seeing the beauty and joy in life as well. i know it's hard for you to see. but it really is there. it's just hard when our brains just only pick up on the pain. it's hard to focus on the joy. with help and time you can start to see the good side of life again. if you do not have a therapist at the moment i would highly recommend you find one. he/she will be able to help you and give you the skills to deal with the thoughts that cause you to want to die. also i do not know if you are taking any medication. if not, that may be recommended as well. i would go see your doctor if you have not done so already.


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## Superiority Tails

How do I see the joy? Is there a way to get pass this without spending a lot money?


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## Into The Light

ST it takes some effort to get to seeing joy again. first and foremost you need medication. this can help stop or reduce your suicidal thoughts. you also need talk therapy. the combination of the two is the most successful treatment of depression. it's pretty tough to get through this and figure this out on your own. i don't know what resources and services you have available where you live. i do know it is possible to get free counseling or for a minimal fee where i live. there may be public services like that in your area. you could ask your doctor if you're not sure where to look.

in addition to the medication, some things that can help alleviate your depression are:
- exercise 25 minutes at least 4 times a week, something that gets your heart going
- talking, to friends or family or whoever, it doesn't have to be about just your problems but about anything. this is hard because when you are depressed you just want to withdraw. i have found though when i manage to do this even though i really don't feel like it, i almost always feel better.
- take some relaxation time for yourself every day or every other day. _be kind to yourself_. this can be a nice hot relaxing bath to curling up on the couch with a book, whatever might help you relax just a little.

these things are challenging to do when you are depressed, but they do help. don't give up hope if this seems too overwhelming. you need to take it one step at a time.


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## Superiority Tails

All of those are good choices to me except the medication. The idea of being drugged is a bit overwhelming for me.


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## Into The Light

medication is a difficult hurdle. many people have a very hard time accepting they need medication, myself included. i was afraid of it too, and kept putting it off, and kept saying to myself i didn't really need it. the end result was pretty bad. things got out of hand, it was a very frightening experience for me. i am so thankful i could take medication at that point. i do not know how i would have survived without it.

it takes time to accept you need medication. think it over, don't dismiss it offhand. as many here will point out, depression is a physical illness just like heart disease or diabetes. taking medication for depression is the same as taking it for other physical problems.


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## Superiority Tails

How is depression a physical illness?


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## David Baxter PhD

It involves issues with imbalances in neurochemistry of the brain. No one really knows if this is a cause of depression or an effect of depresssion but it's there nonetheless.


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## Superiority Tails

Does that mean if I don't take medication I'll die? What will I die from?


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## Into The Light

no, your body won't die on you if you don't take medication. the medication will help your brain function more like it should. depression is a disease of the brain. a depressed brain is physically different from a healthy brain. the medication helps get the brain well again. medication alone though is not as effective as medication & therapy together.

the medication will help you in that it will help your brain regulate your emotions better. it will reduce your thoughts of suicide. i would say that is a major plus.


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## Superiority Tails

Why can't you stop depression with friends and people you care about?


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## David Baxter PhD

Because it's not that easy. Recovering from major depression requires work, altering negative thinking patterns, improving coping skills, identifying triggers for depression and risks for relapse, and usually medication.


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## Superiority Tails

What's relapse?


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## ThatLady

Nothing really worth having comes without effort, SM. If we really want something, we have to work for it. For those who suffer from depression, that would include getting beyond the depression to a better state of mind. It's going to take work and committment on your part to get there.


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## ThatLady

Relapse is a return to previous symptoms after a period without those symptoms, or a return to the original disease state.


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## Superiority Tails

I can recover and get it again?


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## David Baxter PhD

Yes. However, if you do it right the first time -- which usually means psychotherapy plus medication for at least a year, in my opinion -- you significantly reduce that risk.


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## ThatLady

If you don't make the committment, and put out the effort to recover completely, of course you can. It's like a bad case of the flu. If you don't take the medication you're given as the doctor orders, and follow the regimen given you for recovery, the flu will come back. So will depression.


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## Superiority Tails

What will depression do to me if I don't recover?


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## ThatLady

What's it doing to you now, ST? There are a number of threads in the Depression forum that will answer your question from others' points of view. However, you know how you're feeling now. Is it enjoyable? Would you like it to continue or, perhaps, grow worse?


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## Superiority Tails

No. But all this talk about therapy and medication. Is a big risk and I can loss it all when I get it again.


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## ThatLady

It's a much bigger risk to let the depression go untreated, ST. As we said, if depression is treated the risk of relapse is much less likely than if left untreated. In fact, unless it is treated it will only get worse. Which seems the bigger risk to you? It seems pretty obvious to me.


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## Superiority Tails

What happens when it gets worse? Will I commit suicide?


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## David Baxter PhD

The only one who can really answer that question is you.


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## Superiority Tails

Thanks everyone. I hope it all works out.


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## ThatLady

It'll work out, ST, if you'll put the effort into it. We'll be here to help if you need us. :hug:


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## Superiority Tails

Thanks. It's good to know that you have people to talk to when you have problems.


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## healthbound

Regardless of whether you decide to take the medication or not, I hope you keep posting, ST.

Also, I'm not a mental health professional, but thought I'd mention that depression has absolutely been a progressive (and fatal) illness in my family.  My sister ended up taking her life, my mom's depression grew to psychosis (both refused to go on medication or seek any significant professional help).  I believe that the only difference between me and them is that I have made different choices about the way I deal with my depression.  That's the opportunity that I've been given...the opportunity to make different choices and therefore create different outcomes.

It's not easy though.  Depression can be very seductive and decieving.

I'm glad you're posting and asking these questions.


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## just mary

I agree with HB, you've posted some very good questions.  Very straightforward and to the point.

Thanks for posting ST, it's good to hear from you.  I hope you start to feel better soon.

Take care,

jm


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## Superiority Tails

Thanks for your surport. I'm sorry about your family healthbound.:hug: I hope I don't end up dieing as well. What's psychosis?
Good Luck everyone.


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## healthbound

Psychosis is a generic psychiatric term for a mental state in which thought and perception are severely impaired. Persons experiencing a psychotic episode may experience hallucinations, hold delusional beliefs (e.g., grandiose or paranoid delusions), demonstrate personality changes and exhibit disorganized thinking (see thought disorder). This is often accompanied by lack of insight into the unusual or bizarre nature of such behavior, difficulties with social interaction and impairments in carrying out the activities of daily living. A psychotic episode is often described as involving a "loss of contact with reality".



> I'm sorry about your family healthbound. I hope I don't end up dieing as well.


Thanks, ST.  I hope I don't end up dieing either.  Ultimately, I want to live and I want to move through the deceptions depression .


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## Superiority Tails

What does it mean by "Thought Blocking"?


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## healthbound

> What does it mean by "Thought Blocking"?



Not sure what you mean here ST.


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## ThatLady

If I remember correctly, "thought blocking" is when you completely lose your train of thought while talking or writing, and cannot reestablish it. It happens to everyone once in awhile; particularly, if one is distracted. However, when it happens constantly it can be a sign of a problem.


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## Superiority Tails

Depression can cause you to loss your mind?


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## ThatLady

Losing one's train of thought isn't the same thing as losing one's "mind". As I said, it happens to everyone at one time or another. It's when it's a constant occurrance that it may indicate more deeply seated problems.

Depression needs to be treated. Personally, I don't like the inferrence of the phrase "losing one's mind". One might have a chemical imbalance that results in depression, or some other malady connected with neurotransmitters, but their mind is still there, where it always was. They're just unable to use it properly because the chemicals that make it work correctly aren't doing their jobs in the right way.


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## Superiority Tails

Depression makes you unable to think properly?


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## Halo

Yes I know for me depression definitely distorts my thinking for sure.


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## Superiority Tails

Will that make you lose your ability to talk and socialize with people?


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## Halo

For me personally I do not lose my ability to talk and socialize with people but it does distort my perception of myself and my thoughts that I have in my head.  I also tend to withdraw from people and not socialize as much but I do not lose the ability to talk and socialize if I wanted to.


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## Superiority Tails

Depression will make withdraw from people?


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## Halo

For some people it does make them withdraw from others.  I know for me personally that is how I know that I am feeling more depressed than normal is when I start to withdraw from family and friends.


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## Superiority Tails

Did it ever made you lose friends?


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## Halo

Yes a few years back, there were a few that didn't understand why I was becoming distant and withdrawing from them and just stopped asking me to go out with them.


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## Superiority Tails

:hug: A friend isn't a true friend unless they stand by you no matter what. At least you have a lot of true friends on here.


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## Halo

I have to admit though ST that a lot of them I was not honest with and didn't explain to them why I was withdrawing from them and turning them down to go out with them and eventually they just stopped calling.  I don't blame them. I am sure that if I had of explained the situation and what I was dealing with to them then some of them might have supported me and stuck around but no use in looking back now.

And yes I do have a lot of good true friends on here.


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## Misha

I think that so often when we are dealing with such complicated issues we easily become "high maintenance."
This is something that I struggle with.  I am very hard to love.  Simple as that.  My friends do not stick around for long because they are frustrated that they can not help me and eventually it becomes necessary for their own health and life that they leave me to my vices and devices.  
That is one of the many reasons I look online for support.  There is a genuine aspect to the relationship, but boundaries are more easily set when there's a "log out" button....


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## Superiority Tails

:hug: Sorry to hear that. But I think that your have real life friends someday. You can also talk to them as to why their frustrated maybe you could find a way to keep them.


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## ^^Phoenix^^

Superiority Tails - I've just been catching up on the posts.  Something that you need to be aware of is that depression doesn't nessisarily mean particular symptoms.  Their are a vast amount of different experiances that one may undergo and it can be very different.  

For instance, Depression won't '_make you loose your mind_' as you asked earlier, but can distort the way alot of people suffering from depression think.  A depressed persons thoughts may go in cycles of depressed thinking, and they may be unable to think possitivly, even when possitive things are pointed out to them.  Their concentration may suffer.  Their sleep may suffer.  All of these symptoms are *not *a _sure _thing when you suffer from depression, but they do often accompany the 'disorder'.  

I also don't know if it is quite just to say that friends are not good friends if they do not stick by you.  As Nancy pointed out, and as i can atest to myself, some times people suffering from depression can become 'high maintanence'.  For me, I didn't want to see or talk to anybody, and would be rude and sometimes hateful to the people I cared about - my friends.  And these people slowerly driffted away from me.  Since beginning my own recovery, I have become in contact with them.  Apologised for how I treated them, and explained what I was going through at the time.  All of them have understood.  I think what we need to remember is that our friends, as much as we love them and need from them, are people as well.  And they need to look after themselves also.


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## Superiority Tails

Even though they help me out I should give them some space as well as help too. Instead of worrying about myself.


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## Halo

> Even though they help me out I should give them some space as well as help too. Instead of worrying about myself.



I definitely think that any friendship is a give and take siutation but first and foremost you have to look after yourself so that you are strong enough to be able to help others.  If you are not taking care of yourself first and putting yourself first then you are going to be of no use to your friends if they need it.


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## Superiority Tails

Is it like Yeg Yag? You have to have a balance to have and keep friends.


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## Halo

What I was referring to as friendships being give and take was that there are probably times when you are more able to help your friends in their time of need and they do the same for you in your time of need.  That is what I meant by give and take.  You helping each other and being there to support one another in your time of need.  But please remember that if you don't take care of yourself first then you will be of no help to your friends if they need it.  You have to make yourself your first priority.


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## Superiority Tails

Thanks.


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## Halo

Anytime ST


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