# I guess I need some advice..



## kegan (Dec 2, 2005)

It feels kinda weird using this but here it goes..
For about six months now I've just been constantly depressed and in the last week or two I can't seem to stop thinking about killing myself..I have it all planned out what I'm going to do.  It sounds stupid probably but the only reason I am still here is because I'm scared of that last moment before I die and what I'm going to see I guess..I'm not religious, and if there really is a god what's going to happen to me? Am I going to go to hell for what I've done?  I really havn't told anyone the whole story..but I've had a pretty crappy life.  I want to get pills or anything that will help  but honestly I don't want people thinking I'm a psycho..I have no friends I can talk to about it, but I called 911 a few days ago and the lady told me to talk to the therapist at my school, and I havn't done it yet.  My dad doesnt believe in those types of medicine, and he would get angry at me for not getting better on my own..that's how its always worked.  I was just wondering who I should talk to I guess..or what I should do..and if I can get those kinds of meds without my dad finding out :/


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 3, 2005)

Being depressed does not make you "a psycho", any more than it does the millions of other people who are treated for depression every year.

But you do NOT have to keep feeling this way and there are a lot of better answers than suicide. The advice that the 911 lady gave you is good advice: Go and see that counselor at school as soon as you can. Don't put it off. 

As for your father, he may not "believe in" medications but I would bet that he doesn't believe in letting his child die, either. Given a choice between having you alive and on medication or not having you alive, what do you think he would choose?


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## kegan (Dec 3, 2005)

Thanks for the quick reply..


I know it doesnt, I'm just scared what other people are going to think..I basically have no one as it is, except for a few casual acquaintances but that's it.

And yes I know I'm going to go talk to him next week, I'm just pretty unsure about it all..I was mollested by a counsellor of sorts when I was a little kid so I have a hard time trusting them now if im actually seeing them.

And my father, he would rather have me alive yeah but he thinks that those kind of meds cause more suicides than they prevent.  If I knew how to talk to him about all this I would but I don't know how to I guess..


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 3, 2005)

How old are you, kegan?


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## Eunoia (Dec 3, 2005)

if you've been feeling this low and you have made actual plans and not a lot is keeping you back, you need to go see your school counsellor or call a suicide hotline of some sorts or go to the hospital etc. Whichever choice you make, there is hope, there is a way out of this, but it is up to you to make that choice. You shouldn't have to live like this, no one deserves this, and if talking to someone will help then be it... if you need to take meds, then be it... anything really is better than wanting to die and bearing this pain on your own. 

Your dad can get angry at your for not "fixing" this on your own, but you can't. It's as simple as that. No one can. Also, he might not have to know about the meds... or so I think, depending on your age. But the point is, before you worry about the "finer" details from the road to come, you have to get on that road first... by talking to your counsellor or someone else you feel you can trust. If going to the counsellor scares you, can you take someone with you? Anyone? They're usually good w/ some sort of see through door or windows so you shouldn't feel too "boxed in". Is there a teacher who you like and trust who you could talk to instead or at least at 1st? A family friend? An older sibling, neighbour, community health centre... even your doctor? If none of these seem like available choices, call one of the suicide hotlines. 

People won't think any less of you b/c you reach our for help. Who are these people that you're worried about? If they're just general people in your school, how would they even find out, right? This is btwn you and your counsellor if you choose to go. Also, sometimes, when people reach out and admit to their problem or weaknesses they actually _gain_ friends. One, others might be able to relate to you and share their own stories w/ you, and two they might gain a better understanding of you and your experiences. Also, if you get help going through this you will end up becoming a much happier person, which will shine through and most likely allow yourself to make more friends as a result.

There's been controversy about meds and a correlation w/ suicides but just b/c you're on an anti-depressant doesn't mean you will commit suicide.... think of how many people are on anti-depressants and how many of those people get better as a result. It's a lot about the type of medication, the type of person, the predominant problem etc... I'm sure David will be able to say more. Could you maybe show your dad an article on depression, meds, suicide? It might be easier than trying to talk to him if he generally has pretty strong opinions about this, but by showing him some research, so to say "valid" information, he might think twice about this. Eventually, maybe your school counsellor could talk to him too? 

Don't give up yet. There's still so many options to explore, so much to live for.


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## kegan (Dec 3, 2005)

I'm 15..


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## kegan (Dec 3, 2005)

Thanks Eunoia-

I can see what its like and if I'm still feeling uneasy about it i could probably have someone else there maybe, its not like its going to happen now, its just something thats not easily forgotten after it happens.

I know I've needed to get help for a while I was just hoping it would go away naturally, its not like im resisting the help obviously since I came here I was just hoping it would go away without more serrious actions but I can see that's not going to happen.

I am hoping once I tell someone about it all they can talk to my dad about it before I do so they can tell him about the meds, because if I talk to him about it he will probably be alot more resistant about my taking the meds than if someone where their job is dealing with that kind of stuff..I just have to talk to someone first..I just seemed to get different opinions from anyone that knew so I wanted to see what someone dealing with this thought.


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 3, 2005)

In Canada, although there is still controversy about whether or not the use of some of the SSRI antidepressants actually causes an increased risk for suicide, Health Canada has approved the use of Prozac as safe for use in patients under age 18.

I'm not sure about the current status of these medications in the US or the UK for minors.


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## kegan (Dec 3, 2005)

I just found this
"In the United States, only Prozac has been approved by the FDA for use in kids."


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## David Baxter PhD (Dec 3, 2005)

Okay. There you go. Looks like the FDA came to the same conclusion as Health Canada.


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## Eunoia (Dec 3, 2005)

hey Kegan, if there's one thing I can tell you it's that whatever it is that you're dealing with, be it depression or something else, it most likely won't go away on its own. There's obvious reasons for that, if it has a biological connection then it needs to be treated w/ meds and if it is circumstantial/ environment connected then unless all of this would change, it won't go away... it's about a variety of factors interacting w/ each other. I spend much of my teen years (I'm in my 20's now) waiting, so to say, for things to go away, thinking that this way of living was normal, at least it became normal for me. I managed to have reasonably "happy" hs yrs, but I do wonder how much happier those days could have been if I would have listened to that voice telling me things weren't ok. But my point is, and I know a lot of people will agree w/ this, you don't _have_ to suffer like this, you don't _have_ to go through this alone. I more than know that it's difficult to take that 1st step, but as you said, you posted here b/c you do want help, so you've already started reaching out...


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## ThatLady (Dec 3, 2005)

See your school counsellor as you plan to do, Kegan. He/she will likely be willing to help with educating your dad on the benefits of anti-depression medications.

As for what other people are going to think, for the most part they don't need to know. The only ones who really need to know are you, your father, and your counsellor, hon.


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