# Are you having an emotional affair?



## David Baxter PhD (Apr 28, 2011)

*ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?*
by Jennifer Freed Ph.D.
April 28, 2011 

Emotional Affairs occur when the primary relationship has become dead or cut off in some way. Often these affairs start up in compensation for some real intimacy at home. Many big life events trigger these affairs as people feel more needy than usual. A death in the family, children coming or going, turning big marker ages 40,50,60, job reentry, school reentry, financial stress, illness, etc., can all be triggers for a change in the primary relationship and an opening for an emotional affair.



*SIGNS OF AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR*
Your friendship has secrets
You confide in your friend more than to your spouse
You have more excitement to meet/talk with friend than spouse
You feel more your self and freer with friend
You take better care of yourself before contact with friend
You have sexual fantasies about friend
You hide the amount of contact you do have from spouse
You give your friend special gifts and treats
You get into fights with your spouse about your friend
You want exclusive time with your friend and you keep your spouse separate from your friend
When you think of getting away or taking a day off you think of doing it with your friend and not your spouse
You are defensive about your friend's faults to your spouse and get extra heated about any criticism
You are feeling more and more distant from your spouse and don't want to deal with it
You start talking more to your friend about your problems in your relationship
You are much kinder and more forgiving with your friend than your spouse
You find yourself telling more and more little lies to your partner
If you can say YES to more than 6 of these signs then odds are you are on the slippery slope to an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. 

The best remedy is to fully acknowledge the lapse in your primary relationship and turn all attention to repairing the primary intimacy. Everyone needs close friends and close friends are not ever a threat to a truly intimate relationship.


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