# I'm a suicidal depressed person and I feel so depressed in the morning



## [talon] (Sep 21, 2008)

im a so called 'gothic'looking freshman in high school and i go to a really crappy school,am unable to leave, and i need some advice to help me to survive (from killing myself). i have general anxiety disorder. am on celexa.

first of all. ive always been quiet. i also USED to be insanely shy due to low self esteem for being picked on, but after being medicated,im only SEMI-shy now. >_>! however feel like im having heart failure half the time at this school

i used to cut a lot. i still do sometimes when i am going through rough patches. (like now)
i knew what i was getting myself into when i went to registration.i saw. and i grew depressed, but peoples words gave me confidence so i went to school feeling quite optimistic yet still having a heart attack at the same time.( yeah i think i almost died) now im just frickin suicidal
i HAVE NEVER SPOKEN SO MUCH at SCHOOL in my life, nobody from my old school recognizes me., HOWEVER:
a total of one person spoke one sentence to me in my 1st class. i felt so depressed. you'd think we were all the in same lame boat. WRONG WRONG WRONG. they all know eachother. i am the odd one out.

i feel the most depressed in phys.ed because nobody in that class talks to me. they just cling to their groups. and they all know eachother. and i know nobody at all. i look like such an outcast. everyone here is a prep/jock. i feel like skipping that class but then id fail and you cant graduate here without phys.ed 10.

nobody dares come close tp me.  i didnt think i was scary looking till now. teachers stare at me oddly. of course everyone in the hallway does that too...i raise my hand a lot to talk. people in middle school used to think i was mute, and make fun of me. i have really low self esteem.

whenever i wake up in the morning i feel so depressed. i used to have suicidal thoughts and i thought they were gone. but now theyre coming back. my doctor told me to join clubs........i cant find any that suit me. i dont play sports. oh and i only have 1 friend. in grade eleven. and my OTHER friend (woahhh) joined a clique and i am just another part of the wall to her, just like to everyone else.

tell me how to make it stop


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## David Baxter PhD (Sep 21, 2008)

Welcome to Psychlinks, talon.

You mention that you are on Celexa. How long and what dose? Do you also have a psychiatrist or therapist that you see regularly?


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## Banned (Sep 21, 2008)

Hi talon,

Welcome to Psychlinks.  I don't have any immediate advice to offer, but the others will jump on shortly and have some for you I'm sure.


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## Retired (Sep 21, 2008)

Welcome to Psychlinks!



> however feel like im having heart failure half the time at this school



Do you mean that literally that sometimes you feel chest pain or pressure in some situations?



> nobody dares come close tp me. i didnt think i was scary looking till now. teachers stare at me oddly.



Have you considered a more mainstream appearance that might make you appear less threatening?


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## Into The Light (Sep 21, 2008)

welcome talon :wave4:

i am sorry you're having a hard time right now. are you seeing any kind of counselor at all to help you deal with your depression and anxiety?

hang in there, life doesn't have to stay this difficult and bad.


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## Noughts (Sep 21, 2008)

Scary-looking? Unkempt, or what? Either way, I agree, maybe you should go with something at least slightly more "orthodox"... Who knows. YOu might have fun looking at yourself in the mirror and deciding what clothes you should wear. I know it sounds stupid, but it's actually pretty fun. Smiling at yourself, going "Should I wear this jacket with it, or this jacket?" It's not conceit unless you get obsessed with it... It's normal to have pride in the way one looks and to have fun deciding what brings out yourself better.

You can't join any clubs, huh... Uh, do you like reading? Video games? Singing? Anything? As long as you have fun doing a hobby by yourself, eventually, you'll start feeling confident about doing it with someone else...

This'll sound weird and fanboy-ish, but maybe you should try a "building game" like SPORE. You're guaranteed to have fun creating things, and who knows; maybe you'll find out you're good at creating things.

Oh, and I understand the whole chest pain thing... Coulda sworn I had my first near heart attack at the age of twelve. Ironically, wishing for it (being _happy_) probably made it go away. :laughs:


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## ladylore (Sep 21, 2008)

Hi Talon :welcome:

Glad your here.


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## poohbear (Sep 21, 2008)

Talon, sounds like you are really having a hard time.  I know how you feel, honestly, I do.  I remember how painful it was for me in highschool.  And I didn't have anyone to talk to either.  But, what I know NOW is that I could have gone to speak to the school counselor or a teacher--someone would have talked to me.

I know how cruel kids can be, from first hand experience and because I work with kids, sometimes, even now.  Kids these days are so self-absorbed that they don't see the hurt they inflict upon others until it's too late.

I would suggest maybe "modifying" your look-- so as not to frighten teachers (who cares what the kids think?).  If the teachers can stop looking at you strangely, then you know it's possible for the kids to follow suit.  I would also suggest you go to a counselor or a teacher, someone you can talk to about all this.

Most of all, always remember that YOU are someone.   One day all this high school drama will not matter.  I promise you.  It will NOT matter.  Be true to yourself--don't change too much, just to please others.  But, be aware of how your behavior will affect others.  It's a tightrope we all have to learn how to walk.  It takes lots of practice.  Good luck.  I hope things get better for you--Poohbear


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## [talon] (Sep 25, 2008)

> Welcome to Psychlinks, talon.
> 
> You mention that you are on Celexa. How long and what dose? Do you also have a psychiatrist or therapist that you see regularly?



I've been on Celexa for about 2-3 months..............and 20 mg. Yes, I have a psychiatrist, and I've been arranged to see a therapist.



> Welcome to Psychlinks!
> 
> Quote:
> however feel like im having heart failure half the time at this school
> ...



Yes. and yes, I've toned it down a little, but I still don't have much luck.



> welcome talon
> 
> i am sorry you're having a hard time right now. are you seeing any kind of counselor at all to help you deal with your depression and anxiety?
> 
> hang in there, life doesn't have to stay this difficult and bad.



I'm supposed to see a therapist.
I will try.



> Scary-looking? Unkempt, or what? Either way, I agree, maybe you should go with something at least slightly more "orthodox"... Who knows. YOu might have fun looking at yourself in the mirror and deciding what clothes you should wear. I know it sounds stupid, but it's actually pretty fun. Smiling at yourself, going "Should I wear this jacket with it, or this jacket?" It's not conceit unless you get obsessed with it... It's normal to have pride in the way one looks and to have fun deciding what brings out yourself better.
> 
> You can't join any clubs, huh... Uh, do you like reading? Video games? Singing? Anything? As long as you have fun doing a hobby by yourself, eventually, you'll start feeling confident about doing it with someone else...
> 
> ...



Scary looking, as in not a preppy jock type person. Yes, I have hobbies, but I think my shyness is starting to take over again.  



> Talon, sounds like you are really having a hard time. I know how you feel, honestly, I do. I remember how painful it was for me in highschool. And I didn't have anyone to talk to either. But, what I know NOW is that I could have gone to speak to the school counselor or a teacher--someone would have talked to me.
> 
> I know how cruel kids can be, from first hand experience and because I work with kids, sometimes, even now. Kids these days are so self-absorbed that they don't see the hurt they inflict upon others until it's too late.
> 
> ...



I have, slightly. But the problem is, that I do care what the kids think, because I hate being so alone. I wish I could pretend that it all doesn't matter but I'm starting to wonder if I am actually a very social person underneath the shyness because I really feel depressed without having anyone to talk to. I don't know when, but I'm arranged to see a therapist and i'm going to hope that that will change something. Thank you.


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