# One year "anniversary" coming up...



## kelsischanging (Jan 17, 2008)

So on Feb. 5 it will be one year since i tried to commit suicide and I'm struggling...For about a month now my life has just started going downhill and I don't know if it's related to the upcoming date or not...my depression has gotten a lot worse and I have developed a lot of anxiety (something I never struggled w/ before)....also I have been binge drinking more and using drugs again....I have started self injuring again and things just seem more out of control then ever....I try not to think about feb. 5 but it just keeps popping into my mind...I have so many emotions surrounding that date...part of me is still angry I survived, part of me is sad I didn't tell someone how bad things were for me, part of me is angry about how much that event changed my life, and part of me is scared because I sometimes still have those same suicidal thoughts...I don't want to let one bad year define my life but it's just always one my mind right now....how do I get through this??:sigh:


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## Cat Dancer (Jan 17, 2008)

Kelsey, I don't really have any helpful words I guess, but I wanted to say I'm glad you're still here. I think just try to be easy on yourself and take one day at a time is how you can make it through.


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## Daniel (Jan 17, 2008)

Are you still seeing a therapist?   (If so, perhaps you may want to increase the frequency of the visits?)



> .also I have been binge drinking more and using drugs again....I have started self injuring again and things just seem more out of control then ever....



Well, obviously, you need to stop self-medicating.   Therapy can help with that along with the self injury and suicidal thoughts.    It is also be helpful for addressing the current stressors in your life like college exams if you are taking courses this semester.   (Most college students procrastinate when it comes to writing papers and studying for exams, and it's usually worse for those with depression.)

What kindof illicit drugs are you taking?   Alcohol, as you probably know, is a depressant and can make depression symptoms much worse.   People with depression are more likely to attempt suicide if they are under the influence of alcohol.   Also, some people will use alcohol to relax and make it easier to fall asleep, but it actually degrades the quality of sleep.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 17, 2008)

Adding to Daniel's cautions about self-medicating (alcohol and non-Rx drugs), are you taking any prescribed medications currently, kelsey?


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## kelsischanging (Jan 17, 2008)

Yes, I am currently on a mood stabilizer(tegretal) and an anti-depressant (Lexapro) also I take trazadone to help me sleep and then a couple of other meds for some heart issues and blood thinner


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 17, 2008)

When was the last time you reviewed the doses of these medications with your doctor, kelsey?

Also, getting back to Daniel's comments, abusing alcohol or non-Rx drugs is really a very bad idea and very risky.

Talk to your doctor about whether the heart medication might be adding to the depression - some I believe can do that.

What about a current therapist? Do you have one?


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## kelsischanging (Jan 17, 2008)

I have been seeing a therapist but I'm reluctant to bring up how much I am struggling because as far as he is concerned things are going better also I'm afraid that if he knew how bad things really were then he would suggest some kind of inpatient stay and well I'm in school right now and I'm already behind because of last year and it's just not a good time...


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## Daniel (Jan 17, 2008)

Honesty is the best policy     In the long-term, the most important thing is your mental and physical health.  You can always make more money later on, and, for many people, their emotional health and "emotional intelligence" is a greater determinant of their earning power than their education and other credentials, not to mention that money is a poor indicator of happiness.

As of late, you have been self-medicating and self-injuring.  That doesn't sound like you are thinking in the long-term.  

In any case, it is best to trust your therapist and not conceal important information that can help speed your recovery:



> 54 per cent of depression sufferers conceal depression-related symptoms, behavior and depressing experiences from their therapist. What’s more, those people who do not disclose their symptoms have a poorer outcome after therapy.
> 
> Ashamed to be Depressed - Psychlinks Psychology and Self-Help Forum



Personally, based on my own experience years ago with withdrawing from college courses due to depression, my concern is that you will be even more stressed than you are now during midterms and finals if you aren't upfront with your therapist now.  Even if you were hospitalized against your will (which doesn't seem likely and, even if that were the case, it would probably be for less than 72 hours), you could bring your textbooks to the hospital and probably study just as much there as you would at home, and you could easily get lecture notes from classmates upon your return.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 17, 2008)

> I have been seeing a therapist but I'm reluctant to bring up how much I am struggling because as far as he is concerned things are going better



Kelsey, he can't help you if he doesn't know what's going on. If you can't have confidence in him, you might as well not be going to see him.

Please let him know at least how much you are struggling.


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## Retired (Jan 18, 2008)

> I have been seeing a therapist but I'm reluctant to bring up how much I am struggling because as far as he is concerned things are going better



If this were your dentist instead of your therapist, would you respond in the same way?  Suppose your dentist were treating a toothache, and after the first treatment the tooth still hurt, would you not tell the dentist in order to get further or perhaps a different treatment?

Sometimes we see our mental health providers in a different light from our other health care providers.  If a particular treatment strategy is not working, the therapist needs to know, because most of the time there are other strategies available.

You won't hurt your therapist's feelings but rather you will give your therapist the information needed to help you get better.


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## kelsischanging (Jan 18, 2008)

thank-you for all the advice
I am scheduled to meet w/ my therapist this coming wednesday and I am going to bring up how bad I have been feeling...I think I need to start taking some positive steps in my life


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## Halo (Jan 18, 2008)

Kels,

I think that talking to your therapist on Wednesday is a great start. I think letting him know just how much you are struggling will be a bit weight lifted off your shoulders.  You don't need to go through this alone.  Talk to him because that is what he is there for.

Take care
:hug:


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 18, 2008)

I think that's a good decision for you, kelsey. Good luck on Wednesday.


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## Into The Light (Jan 18, 2008)

good luck kelsey, i know you can do it :goodjob:


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