# Dating Tip: Date 3 people at the same time



## Daniel (Aug 12, 2009)

*The Dating Program of Three*
By Dr. Diana Kirschner              

The best strategy you can use to succeed in finding true love is the Dating Program of Three. I have taught this dating and relationship approach to therapists, clients and students for more than 25 years and it has resulted in great success. In my new book, _Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to  Finding Your Own True Love_, I devote an entire chapter to how and why it works, so for now I'll just summarize the five most Frequently Asked Questions about this all-important piece of dating advice.

*1. Does the program of three mean  what I think it does?
*Yes, it does.  Date three people at the same time. And be upfront in telling them you're doing this. And, most importantly, DO NOT have sex with any of them.

*2.  How can this work for me?   I  can't even find one good person to date! 
*That's the point--having to find three eligible people means you have to break through your patterns of being too picky or too unavailable. You have to give a chance to the nerdy ones or the ones who 'aren't good enough.'  And you have to screw up your courage, smile, make eye contact and open your mouth to give yourself a chance with the ones who are 'out of your league."

*3. What about instantaneous  chemistry that can be so yummy?*
That yummy chemistry often backfires when you are looking for lasting true love—the relationship that starts out red-hot can quickly go stone-cold. When you date three people, you are protected from this rapid moth-to-a-flame over-involvement that is the biggest mistake singles make in love relationships.  Having sex with someone releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. If great chemistry leads to having sex too soon, this can backfire because you don’t really know each other. On the Program you won't have that problem because you are not having sex with these people.

If you are truly on the Program of Three you can't spend all that much time with one person. You can enter relationships in a mature and measured way to avoid premature infatuation, dependency, or pseudo-intimacy. On the Program of Three, if one doesn't call you, another one will. And you can come from abundance with three possibilities rather than scarcity with just one.

*4. What types of men should I be  looking for?
*You want to enter the world of romance with the attitude of an anthropologist.  Ask yourself: What are the personalities of these natives about? What are they really into? Who fits with you? Who can give you the kind of companionship, nurturance or the belief in you and your dreams that you need to be your best self?

             On the Program, you rank order your partners in terms of least to most fulfilling. Less stimulating or enjoyable partners are left behind as they are replaced with higher level ones. 

*5. Where do I meet these plentiful  guys?
*You can use two different online dating services, join professional organizations, associations devoted to the arts or political activities, and/or attend interesting educational courses. Advanced courses are best since they attract more men. Get out there. Expand your interests. Break out of your old habit patterns. Try golfing, bowling, or join a business group. Participate in an activity that's out of the norm for you. Make eye contact and say hello to everyone you meet. Each person has a social network of at least 200 other people who they could potentially introduce you to!

             Empower yourself and try the dating program of three.  It can help you find an amazing true love relationship!  To learn more about the Program and the latest research on creating true love that is just right for you read my new book, _Love  in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love_. And please make sure that you subscribe  to my etips: they are a mini-course on finding true love that you can start  today.


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 12, 2009)

Most people have enough trouble dating one person. Dating three at the same time just sounds... exhausting... and scary.


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## Andy (Aug 12, 2009)

That's what I was going to say. THREE! I'd be happy to find one.:crazy:


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## Fiver (Aug 12, 2009)

I have a cat, thanks.


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## Daniel (Aug 12, 2009)

> Dating three at the same time just sounds... exhausting... and scary.


Maybe not for the energetic college crowd in the midst of a hookup culture. And dating may mean just one date.  So there may be ambiguity in what is meant by dating people at the same time.  

But I agree since it's more about expectations, etc. --- none of which require multidating.    The people who buy her book are promised "love in 90 days" so I guess that is where the unnecessary rush comes from.


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## Lostmarbles (Aug 12, 2009)

I don't get this... why does one have to try out others, when getting to know their own needs has it's own rights? Why would anyone chance hurting others internal drives, to feed themselves? I am simply not grasping this idea... I take it that one is feeling out themselves and their own desires and wishes, with this way of thinking... I have tooooo  many questions and moralities to confront this issue... I simply believe in honesty first, and why bother with the three others? 
do these people have any sense of themselves?? I may not understand this whole post,,,but I have a need to speak my peace.


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## Daniel (Aug 12, 2009)

From a more persuasive article:



> If you immediately exclude all other guys or gals from the moment you have your first lunch date with someone until his or her annoying laugh causes you to bolt two months later, you may have to go through several mini-relationships in a row before you’re done...
> ​Life’s dating opportunities can be like a smorgasbord where everything looks pretty good—and like a smorgasbord, seeing all the opportunities out in front of you at once allows you to be selective. Imagine being at a buffet where you could see only one item at a time. You might choose the baked potato as your meal and then be too full later when they bring out the pesto chicken cacciatore sprinkled with gorgonzola and walnuts.
> 
> Similarly, going on dates with a few different people in the same stretch of time gives you perspective. Is one guy or gal a little more thoughtful than the rest? Is there one person whose jokes crack you up more than all the others? Are some people punctual and others slow as molasses? You notice this kind of thing a lot more when your memory is fresh than when you’re comparing your date today to someone you dated six months ago.
> ...


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 12, 2009)

When they say "multiple people", do they mean people with DID? That could get confusing. How would you even know what to wear? "Eve Black likes denim but if it's Eve White I'll need a suit a tie..."


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## Daniel (Aug 13, 2009)

> When they say "multiple people", do they mean people with DID?


No, they mean conjoined twins


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 13, 2009)

That complicates the wardrobe issues even further...


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