# The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally



## David Baxter PhD (Mar 21, 2013)

*The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally* 
by Therese Borchard
March 21, 2013

_Don’t take anything personally._

 That’s the second agreement of Don Miguel Ruiz’s classic, _The Four Agreements_.

 I need a reminder today. So I open his book to that chapter and read:

_Whatever happens around you, don’t take it  personally…Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of  themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they  are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we  take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is  in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others  insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what  they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they  have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey  for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with  one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because  you take it personally, you eat it up….

But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in  the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this  agreement._
​
I’m not there yet. I am way too sensitive and way too vulnerable to  the opinions of others. Where I HAVE made progress the last month is  that I no longer read articles from a website that published material  that upset me too consistently. I took a hiatus from that site. I also  go through the equivalent of the FDA security process at the airport  whenever I open a book. “Is this going to make me feel worse?” I ask  myself, and if I can’t answer the question, or I find myself nodding,  then I put it on the shelf to read when I reach a more resilient place.

 But what I CAN’T control are the opinions of the people that I’ll run  into during the day, those who haven’t managed a severe mood disorder  and try to convince me that acupuncture, meditation, and yoga cure  absolutely every illness. Or those that say the way I run my house is  wrong because nothing is usually organized. I can’t control those  situations.

 So I sit down and try to soak in as much of Ruiz’s message that will penetrate the gray matter of my brain. He writes:

_Even the opinion you have about yourself are not  necessarily true; therefore you don’t need to take whatever you hear in  your own mind personally…Don’t take anything personally because by  taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing…. When  we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we  can never be hurt by what they say or do. Even if others lie to you, it  is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid.

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when  you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and  no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. The whole  world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are  immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you  don’t take it personally, you will not eat it. When you don’t take the  emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.

As you make a habit of not taking anything personally,  you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will  only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never  responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you.  When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally,  you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.

If you keep this agreement, you can travel around the  world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can  say, “I love you,” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can  ask for what you need._
​


----------



## GDPR (Mar 21, 2013)

I'm so glad I read this before I head off to work. And I think I'm gonna buy the book after work....

I take everything personally. I guess I didn't even realize I don't have to.


----------



## charlene (Mar 27, 2013)

Think I will get this book too.  I take everything way too personally.


----------



## Andy (Mar 27, 2013)

I really need to read this book again. I read it along with my therapist years ago, also along side CBT and could definitely use to read it again.


----------



## HotthenCold (Jan 12, 2014)

It's so true that being immune to this black magic while living in hell is the gift of this agreement. 

Whenever I am truly integrating this knowledge in to my thoughts and actions, I feel so unbelievably free. 

When I'm living from that place I also notice that other people see my serenity and respond in kind, or at least avoid me and don't bring any more drama to my doorstep.

I love this book and I love practicing these agreements.


----------

