# Abusive Bosses And The Unhealthy Workplace



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 25, 2011)

*The Lowdown On Abusive Bosses And The Unhealthy Workplace - Part 1*
by Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., _Psychology Today_
June 25, 2011 

_How to deal with abusive bosses and a unhealthy workplace._

"I'll tell you what the _real_ problem is," Ralph told me with a confident smile. "I'm a high-level performer. But most everyone around me - my peers, direct reports, upper management - they're incompetents, jerks, or total idiots. Take your pick."

"This company values incompetence," he continued. "That's the real problem. That shows you how screwed-up it is. But they're telling me that _I'm_ the problem! That _I_ need help? It's the people upstairs that need it!" He shook his head in dismay.
Sound familiar? People like Ralph are all too common in companies today. He illustrates just one type of abusive boss, often part of an overall unhealthy management culture that takes an enormous toll on both workers and business success.

In this post I describe some examples of that toll in today's workplace culture and point towards some ways to deal with them -- ways that require something different from the usual coping and stress management strategies.

You might guess, correctly, that Ralph was oblivious to the fact that his description of others was how his co-workers and subordinates described him. One of his colleagues had e-mailed him after their last encounter, saying "If you ever set foot in my office again, I'll throw your ass right out the window." Ralph dismissed that with a wave of his hand, saying, "That's typical - he's threatened by me because he knows I'm leagues beyond him. Always have been."

Ralph is a senior executive and, in fact, a high-level performer in his company. But his abusive management and poor relationships were generating a growing chorus of complaints. To its credit, his company wanted to salvage rather than fire him, and offered him an executive coaching program. But Ralph saw this as punishment.

Of course there are psychological roots to behavior like Ralph's. But that doesn't matter much to the people who have to deal with the consequences on a daily basis. It doesn't matter what drives your boss' or coworkers' behavior if you're having to pop Xanax to cope with it.

Ralph's an example of just one kind of psychologically unhealthy management you might encounter at work: the narcissistic and arrogant boss. Others are more abusive, bullying people who create a great deal of suffering for those reporting to them. I find that some with those tendencies often gravitate towards companies that either implicitly sanction or actively encourage such behavior; organizations whose culture is marked by a hostile, abusive work environment.

An unhealthy management culture has a negative impact on both the employees and the business success of the company. Research shows that an unhealthy management culture and the stress it generates diminish the mental efficiency of workers subjected to it. For example, a Gallup survey found that such work groups are on average 50 percent less productive and 44 percent less profitable than more positively managed groups.

There's even some evidence that psychologically unhealthy management can create a form of post-traumatic stress disorder, like that seen among soldiers returning from combat.

Abusive bosses often run into problems themselves, eventually, especially in organizations that require a high degree of teamwork and collaboration for both individual and business success - increasingly the norm, today. Nevertheless, many companies continue to harbor or foster unhealthy, toxic management. In fact, some research suggests that it's on the rise, both in the U.S. and abroad.

It can be devastating. For example, Margaret landed a job with a small but growing event-planning company when she was just a few years out of college. Initially she was pretty excited by "wide-open opportunity" for career possibilities that her boss described to her. Unfortunately, the reality proved otherwise. She soon discovered that she was working for the classic Boss From Hell, like portrayed in the movie "The Devil Wears Prada." Margaret was subject to daily tirades, name-calling, and constant threats of being fired. She heard through the grapevine that her boss always managed people this way, especially those in entry-level positions. Constant turnover was the norm. That seemed to be fine with her boss, probably because it made pay raises unnecessary.

Margaret sought advice from an older employee, but that didn't help much. She was told that she was simply spoiled, like most 20-somethings; that she should feel lucky to have an entry-level job with benefits, in this economy. Margaret didn't know which way to go, but she knew she had trouble sleeping and felt like she was developing an ulcer.

"When I finally leave after a 12-hour day, I'm usually in tears all the way home," Margaret told me. "Some of my friends say I should just ?suck it up.' Others say I should quit right now, and some tell me I should just tell the bitch off. I don't know what I want to do. I need the job, but I'm a wreck at the end of every day and I can't take it much more."

When you're on the receiving end of bosses like that, you're likely to feel highly anxious and on guard, at best. A senior executive of a large corporation once told me, with apparent glee, "This is a paranoid culture. We want people to feel that someone's always looking over their shoulder, ready to catch them on something. That's what keeps them sharp."

But does it? Surveys find that large numbers of American workers are dealing with abusive and/or incompetent managers, and it hurts the companies they work for. A Gallup Poll of 1 million workers found bad bosses are the No.1 reason for quitting a job. And a 2011 poll conducted by Harris Interactive for the American Psychological Association found that 36 percent of workers report ongoing work stress, most of which is related to negative or outright unhealthy management practices. Between 40-50% report heavy workload, long hours, and unrealistic expectations as among the sources of emotional distress. Nearly 50% say they don't feel valued on the job, and about one-third report that they intend to look for another job within the next year.

Such research and survey data underscore that a psychologically unhealthy management culture extends far beyond the presence of an abusive or bullying boss. It includes environments that denigrate, demoralize and don't support your continued learning and development. There, you may find that your achievements are ignored or unrewarded. The APA survey found that over 50% reported not receiving adequate recognition for their achievements. Moreover, you might find yourself dealing with constant political manipulation, secrecy, questionable ethical behavior, or other kinds of negative management practices.

In one company the human resources director was told by a consultant about the effect that abusive supervisors were having on employees. The consultant reported that "She got very cranky and said, 'We don't have time to be nice to people.'" In such companies, people are likely to be subject to a range of abusive behavior. For example, Samantha discovered that among the unwritten items in her job description was walking the boss's dog and taking his clothes to the cleaners. Andrew, who worked in a management consulting firm, reported that his boss might scream at him for whatever he decided Andrew had done wrong, or simply not to his liking, on any given day...and then later might flip around and tell Andrew how great he was; how much his contribution was valued.

Of course, one might ask why anyone would put up with abusive bosses or unhealthy management cultures. There are many reasons - and holding on to a career position in a shaky economy can certainly play a role. But there are psychological reasons as well. Unconscious fears and conflicts can pull someone to "find a home" with abusive superiors or authority figures. He or she might be recreating the experience with an abusive parent, unconsciously, in an effort to change or repair the parent, symbolically.

Another person might live with a bad situation because he or she was taught to not make waves; or had learned to assume you can't change or control your circumstances. Perhaps self-confidence wasn't sufficiently fostered or strengthened while growing up, or self-esteem was damaged. One hopeful sign is that younger workers tend to be more attuned to recognizing an unhealthy workplace culture and more likely to be pro-active on their own behalf find a healthier environment. These are the kinds of workers I described in a previous post as part of the newly emerging "4.0" career orientation.

For those who suffer, just learning better coping with unhealthy management practices with stress management techniques isn't enough. What helps is thinking "outside the box" and creating a mental and emotional perspective that frames your dilemma differently. That can open up new, constructive actions - though they may appear contradictory at first. I'll explain and describe some of these in Part 2 of this post.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jul 7, 2011)

*Dealing With Abusive Bosses And Unhealthy Management - Part 2*

*Dealing With Abusive Bosses And Unhealthy Management - Part 2*
by Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., _Psychology Today_
July 7, 2011 

_Learn to deal with abusive bosses with "engaged indifference"_

In my *previous post*, I described how abusive bosses and psychologically unhealthy management harm both employees and business success. And, that *such behavior in the workplace* is increasingly dysfunctional in today's highly interconnected, interdependent economic and social environment. This follow-up piece offers some suggestions for dealing with such situations when you find yourself within them.

Many people struggle to find ways to better cope, when subjected to unhealthy, abusive management. Often that means learning stress management techniques. They can be helpful, especially when you don't think any alternatives exist. But ultimately, they aren't enough. However, reframing how you envision your situation to begin with can open the door to proactive, positive actions in the situation you feel trapped in.

Cathy's example contains some ways you can do that. She was at mid-level in her company, and had a record of steady promotion. At one point senior leadership in her area changed abruptly, and she was now reporting to a newly appointed boss. "I'm here to shake things up," he told everyone when he took over. "Everyone's job is on the line."

Cathy's assessment of her new boss was that he didn't really know her area of expertise, nor was he very interested in learning about it. Nevertheless, he freely criticized her work. Moreover, he kept sitting on a promotion that she had been in line for.
It wasn't just her: Her boss stirred up much resentment among others because of his arrogant, controlling, dismissive style. When Cathy researched something he had requested and presented it to him, he exploded - saying that she had wasted her time doing something that had "no relevance." When she pointed out that he had requested the analysis to begin with, he denied it.

But Cathy didn't just hunker down, become stressed and depressed, or feel disempowered. First, she used a meditative technique to focus her attention on just observing the negative emotions her boss's behavior aroused in her. That is, she practiced "watching" her emotions as they passed through her. This helped her refrain from being pulled by angry emotions into greater, more debilitating depths; or into unproductive behavior.

Doing that enabled her, in turn, to step "outside" of herself; that is, outside the narrow vantage point of her own ego. She looked at herself as though one of the characters in a movie. She imagined rewriting the dialogue and actions of the character that was herself, and she envisioned how this "character" might create a different scenario.

This is a form of what I called learning to "forget yourself". That is, moving beyond and through your immediate self-interest to see yourself in a larger context. Cathy's enlarged perspective enabled her to accept that her boss was simply acting in accordance with the person he was - regardless of the reasons or how she judged them. Doing that helped prevent her from being drawn into taking his behavior personally -- even though it impacted her personally. She rose "above" her situations with, in effect, "engaged indifference."

That is, she remained "indifferent" to her own emotional reactions; yet stayed very engaged in looking for solutions from within her broadened perspective. She considered the possible viewpoints and agenda of her boss, from within his possible mindset. That added to her capacity to figure out what might be going on....and what might help.

For example, she thought about what might be some drivers of her boss's behavior. Was he simply a jerk? An unskilled manager? Did he have an agenda she didn't understand? Was he dealing with some insecurities of his own? Personal issues at home? She did a little sleuthing and learned that her new boss had been brought in under a lot of pressure to create some major changes in that part of the organization. Moreover, she learned he had a troubled teen-ager at home. Knowing these things didn't change her opinion about his behavior. But it helped her realize that it would be useful to both of them if he didn't think of her as a thorn in his side. And it was up to her to try to make that happen.

In essence, she saw the whole picture as a set of circumstances that created a "perfect storm" for her; and that called for an effective solution, from her. So, when her boss criticized a report she had prepared -- on the grounds that it didn't include something that he had previously told her to ignore; but which he now claimed he needed and had told her so -- she anticipated that. Rather than reacting with anger, defensiveness or frustration, she simply said she would provide it immediately, and asked how she could best help him with any other that he needed at this point.

Now this may sound counterintuitive - or that it's "giving in" to a tyrant. But from an enlarged perspective of indifference and engagement, it's not. That's because you're taking into account the emotional drivers and needs of the difficult person you're dealing with. And you can't do that if you're driven solely by your own.

By stepping "outside" of herself, Cathy saw some ways to provide her boss the support he need to feel; and which, in turn, could help calm his anxieties. She asked him for ways that she could aid his objectives. At the same time she decided to cede control of some areas that didn't matter to her, but which her boss seemed to enjoy micromanaging. Cathy felt secure in the knowledge that her expertise wasn't diminished by her boss's agenda or his actions.

But there was one more important step she took: Looking down the road, Cathy concluded that her future under him was probably a dead end for the foreseeable future. So she immediately updated her resume and began looking for a new position. She kept her eyes on her own career development objectives, while at the same time navigating through her situation with as little friction as possible.

*Learn To "Enlarge The Problem"*
President Eisenhower once said, when speaking about his experience as Allied commander during World War II, that if you have difficulty understanding a problem or figuring out how to solve it, "...enlarge the problem." That's what Cathy did. Her example provides some general guidelines that can help, at least in some situations. They include:

*Create an emotional buffer zone*. Observe your internal emotional responses to your situation, but recognize that you're not obligated to act on them. Visualize a "space" between your emotions and how you choose to deal with them in your behavior.

If you don't, you're likely to say or do something unhelpful or damaging to yourself. That is, stay fully aware of your buttons that your boss is pushing, but separate that from simply reacting to what he's triggered; or from taking his behavior personally. Don't get drawn into reacting to your boss's emotional issues. Recognize that you always have a choice about what you do with your emotions in your conduct.

*Expand your perspective*. By not reacting externally to your internal reactions, you are, in effect, learning to be "indifferent" to them. This allows you to enlarge your perspective about the whole situation - what's feeding into it, and what's driving your boss's conduct. When you expand your vision beyond your personal, narrow vantage point you can see the problem in a much larger context. That includes the multiple factors that feed into it, such as the role of other players or other organizational issues and politics, regardless of what your opinion is about them. This includes getting inside your boss's mental perspective to understand what he/she may be sensitive to or reacting to. For example, some of your boss's controlling or abusive behavior may reflect fear about her/his own security in the position.

*Create Productive Actions with "Engaged Indifference"*
That means staying proactively engaged with solving the problem, yet "indifferent" to your own emotional reactions. Then, you avoid getting sucked into unproductive behavior fueled by anger, resentment, or self-pity. Or staying fixed within too narrow an understanding of the problem, which leads to a dead-end.

Ask yourself what you can do proactively, even if it means "feeding the dog what it wants to eat" -- regardless of your opinion of your boss's choice of "food." Visualize alternative takes of the "movie" about your situation, as Cathy did. Use them to identify some new actions that reflect "turns of the plot."

You might decide to go along with some parts of your situation, because your enlarged perspective enables you to see down the road, as you might from the rooftop of a building. You may decide that's the best strategy for achieving your longer-range objectives. That might sound like "giving in," but it's not when you know what you're doing and why. For example, you might look for ways to help your boss feel more secure or supported, despite what you think of him or her, because that diminishes your bosses anxiety and will therefore make your life a bit easier, as long as you remain there.

Of course, it's important to self-examine at the outset, when you find yourself in a bad situation. Look honestly, with outside help if necessary, at what you might be contributing to the problem. Ask yourself, "How much is it me or the situation?" Without doing that, you might take actions that you later regret or prove to be unhelpful.

Finally, it's crucial to leave any situation that becomes outright abusive, or if you're subjected to humiliation and extreme denigration. And then, do the research when considering a new job: Look for signs of a potentially negative situation. Tune in to what you hear during interviews. Ask people within the organization what it's like to work for that company or that boss. Heed any red flags raised by what you hear. Don't enable history to repeat itself.


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## Daniel (Apr 12, 2018)

*Tips: Stay Smart, Stay Strong
*

Turbo charge your performance if it's an issue. Perceptions sometimes change!
Stay calm and avoid outbursts. You don't want to provide a legitimate reason for them to fire you. Also avoid emotional venting to coworkers. It'll get back to your boss, and he'll know his efforts are working.
Consider whether you want to complain to HR or upper management.
Read and understand any company policies that affect you.
Look for allies. They may be your support now and your references later.
Take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically. Consult a counselor to talk through your options as you move forward.
Don't make rash decisions (e.g., quitting in anger).
Double down on your job search. Revise your resume and practice your interview skills...

_Excerpted from_ How Managers Make Unwanted Employees Go Away -- ToughNickel


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