# I want to cry!



## Heather (Oct 23, 2005)

I want so badly to cry and I can't a few tears is all I can manage! 

Just had more bad news  LONG STORY!?!?

I wish that I could teach myself to express feelings appropriately!

Heather...


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## Eunoia (Oct 23, 2005)

what's up???? what happened Heather? I totally know what you mean, I feel like that a lot to that when I want to cry I can't or when I feel like I should cry I can't and I won't. and then sometimes though I cry for no reason. I guess in a way it's repressing emotions. for now, if you feel you can't let out your emotions by crying, try to find some other _healthy_ way to do so... ie. go for a walk, call a friend, draw something... but you know, even better, if you're really frustrated let out your emotions- scream (that won't hurt anyone, only maybe wake up a few people!), hit a pillow if you feel like you're really mad.... I think it is possible to learn to properly express emotions (ie. in healthy ways) and to learn to deal w/ them too, but it's a long road... wish I could help you there but I am as lost as you are in that department. hope things will be better.


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## Heather (Oct 23, 2005)

Thanks I am not great at showing emotions need to work on this one.


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## Heather (Oct 23, 2005)

Sorry I am a little more clear headed now!

A friend of mine tried suicide and it is my fault! She is alive and in hospital though.

And now I have harmed myself again and it is noticeable and I have to go to work and uni 

Heather...


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 23, 2005)

How is it your fault that your friend attempted suicide?


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## sister-ray (Oct 23, 2005)

Hj

Please dont blame yourself for what your friend has done, eleven years my best friend took her own life, I dont want to go into detail here for any number of reasons, but I spent months after blaming myself for not having done certain things, helping more etc but a psychologist I was seeing at the time for my own problems made me see I wasnt to blame for her actions and whatever I had done to help she would have done it anyway.  Maybe you should go and see your friend she proberly needs you, thats what I would do, I hope things get better for you, wish I could help more.


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## Heather (Oct 23, 2005)

The reason that it is my fault is because I left my meds at her house, granted it was an accident but I need to be more careful.

No one was allowed in her room today, but I will visit her tomorrow.

Thanks for the replies.

Heather...


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## David Baxter PhD (Oct 23, 2005)

You made a mistake. You're human. We all do that. 

It doesn't make you responsible. At worst, your mistake perhaps made it easier for your friend but if she was determined to do it there are always other means.


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## Heather (Oct 23, 2005)

Thanks I appreciate what you have said I think I will still blame myself for a while though.

Heather...


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## Daniel (Oct 23, 2005)

Heather,  a similar thing happened to me, ane one might as well blame the sun and the moon before blaming oneself.


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## Heather (Oct 23, 2005)

Thanks Daniel I appreciate it


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## Eunoia (Oct 23, 2005)

hey hun. sorry for the delay (time zones! ahh!) but as I have said before, this is not your fault. if there is ever a time you will listen or take to heart what people have to say listen to all of us and know that _this was not your fault_. Heather, you're just going to beat yourself up about it, and in the end your friend will be at a horrible place and so will you, but that won't help anyone. Your friend was determined to do what she wanted to do and thank goodness she's alive- and she probably would have found another way. And you felt like you couldn't take things anymore and felt responsible so you si. It's ok. Life will go on for both of you. I am so sorry all of this happened, but you have to remember all the times you have been there for your friends, and probably all the times you have prevented them from doing exactly this. You can't be responsible for every one of their actions and vice versa. Suicide is such a horrible death b/c people will always feel guilty and think of what could have been done/said.... but the person who takes their life makes that ultimate decision. and you will never know that doing this or that would have 100% prevented them for now and in the future. the best you can do is take care of yourself, it's ok to be mad, to be upset, to let out your anger.... it's ok. just pls try not to take on all of this as your fault. pm if you need, k?


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## Heather (Oct 23, 2005)

No need to apologise hun it is all good 

I went to visit her this morning and she apologised for taking my meds, I told her it was ok and that, so I feel less guilty now!

I am actually doing ok thanks 

She is feeling guilty because her mum is blaming me for it so now I am trying to stop her from feeling guilty, lol!!!

Anyway they said that she is going to be fine  A bit messed up for a while as they were anti-depressants and sleeping pills she took but she was found in time. So I am so so so happy about that 

Thanks for the post! I am feeling much better today!

Heather...


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## comfortzone (Oct 23, 2005)

Hi Heather,

I am glad you are feeling better.  The interesting  thing about blame is it gives a person something to be distracted with but does not provide any solutions.  

Take care,


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## Heather (Oct 24, 2005)

Thanks for that Dr Dobson!

Re: the blame I am waiting to talk to her mum, I do not wish to make things worse so I will talk to her when my friend is feeling better.

Heather...


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## ThatLady (Oct 24, 2005)

I'm so glad you're feeling better, Heather. It's always a horrible thing when someone you care about tries to take their life. We all feel responsible, at first, even if we had nothing whatsoever to do with it. It's a natural part of grieving to feel guilt, and we grieve whether someone dies or only becomes very ill. Your feelings are quite normal, and I'm glad to hear the guilt has passed, as it usually does once things begin to come into focus.

Hugs, hon. One good thing that will come of this...your friend will get the help she so desperately needs.


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## Heather (Oct 24, 2005)

Thanks ThatLady, I appreciate your reply 

She will get help now and it will get better for her, she has needed help for a while.

Heather...


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