# problems because of my ex-girlfriend



## angelo (May 31, 2005)

Hi, I know this ain't a major problem, but it could be decisif for us and I would very apreciate your help:

I would like to ask for your opinion, because I’ am not certain if I did well or not…: we are together for 2 years by now and are well with each other, me and my girlfriend, even if sometimes we misunderstand each other, but it’s ok I guess. The main issue is about my ex-girlfriend, I mean I just have a friendship with her and she counts like between my friends, there is really nothing more about this and I told to my girl already. We meet few times per year for a diner and conversation, at the beginning I also invited my girlfriend to join us, without success. I don’t see any mischief or bad intentions. She thinks the contrary and believes there are still feelings from the past between me and my ex-girlfriend, in fact she opposes strongly to this and it went so far that I kept distance to my ex-girlfriend by freezing the contact. 
Now it happened that my ex-girlfriend moves to another city and she called and offered me to take over her apartment. I was searching long time and for me this is a welcome and very suitable situation, because here in Geneva is more than difficult to get a flat, for that price and living space, unfortunately I have to count well my money. I told the news to my girlfriend and asked her to come and live with me in this new apartment (in the moment we have both smaller flats, pay more together and we wanted anyhow once to get towards something bigger for us 2...). I had to tell her from were the apartment comes from, I don’t like to hide things believe me. I felt that this new situation will bother her somehow, but I didn’t imagine she says definitely no to go in there with me and no to continue the relationship between us. I have never lived in this apartment before and I told her there is nothing to worry about and she should trust me, but since then (more than 1 week) she didn’t change her mind. Since then she tells me, that I’ am cruel and hurt her with this. I don’t know from where does come this uncertainty in her mind, from a past happening of her or similar, but unfortunately we never spoke about this. Perhaps should I decline the offer with the new apart? But I think this is ridiculous. Please tell me what you think about this...


----------



## mrdaniel (Jun 26, 2005)

i suggest you take the apartment, if you ex has move away ,and their is an opportunity to live with your girlfreind and save money, it is a win win , if your girlfriend can,t see this you might have to consider a new one , all relationships need a good amount of logic,.


----------



## mrdaniel (Jun 26, 2005)

i suggest you take the apartment, if you ex has move away ,and their is an opportunity to live with your girlfreind and save money, it is a win win , if your girlfriend can,t see this you might have to consider a new one , all relationships need a good amount of logic,.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 26, 2005)

mrdaniel said:
			
		

> all relationships need a good amount of logic


They also need a good amount of sensitivity. Emotional reactions are, virutally by definition, not logical. That doesn't mean they should be dismissed.

If she is uncomfortable living in an apartment formerly occupied by an ex-girlfriend, I think her feelings should be taken seriously.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Jun 26, 2005)

mrdaniel said:
			
		

> all relationships need a good amount of logic


They also need a good amount of sensitivity. Emotional reactions are, virutally by definition, not logical. That doesn't mean they should be dismissed.

If she is uncomfortable living in an apartment formerly occupied by an ex-girlfriend, I think her feelings should be taken seriously.


----------

