# Teenager of 17 wants to be babied?



## sambo (Mar 17, 2013)

Hi 1st of all not sure if in right place if not please feel free to correct me with correct forum. 

I have 5 children ranging in ages from 18 months to 17 years old. I will try and outline the problem the best I can. I am somewhat new to this so bear with me. 

The 17 year olds are twins, then a 14 year old, and an 8 year old, and last is 18 months old. I am a single parent and am fairly well open to most things until yesterday when one of my twins asked to speak to me and asked me to treat him like a baby. He has organized to by the nappies and other baby stuff he wants. I have been suspect of his wearing nappies before approx 2-3 years ago i found nappies in his room while looking for something else. I did question at the time and he denied any knowledge. Then about a month later found more in his room. 

This time I took him to see a specialist and psychiatrist and was told at the time was nothing to be worried about. I was also informed this has nothing to do with real children. Also that there is a possibility he will outgrow this. I was advised not to lose control of myself too as this could make situation worse.  I do tell all my children they can talk to me about anything and if there's anyway possible I will help where I can. I guess what I am trying to say is help what the hell do I do here I am speechless. I told him I would have to really think about this and will not be pressured. 

If anyone else has had any similar problem I would love to hear your thoughts.

Many thanks 

Sambo


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 17, 2013)

Sambo, you indicate that your are a single parent. How long has that been the case?

Did these children all have the same mother? Or different mothers? Were any of the children adopted? Is the mother/mothers an acive part of their lives, especially the son in question?

How long have you been single parenting them, especially the boy in question? What was his developmental history like? Would there be any reason to wonder about abandonment issues, attachment issues, or that sort of thing in his case?


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## sambo (Mar 17, 2013)

Thank you David. I should have explained mother died in childbirth last child unexpected complications. All children were from same mother and all get on very well together;


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 17, 2013)

How long ago did the mom pass away? Given that the youngest is only 18 months, I would guess that it was fairly recent. Your 17 year old may be exhibiting a form of grief reaction, perhaps compounded by feelings of having been displaced by younger siblings in competing for your attention/affections and for the attention/affection of his mother.

Does any of that resonate with your observations?


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## sambo (Mar 17, 2013)

I should have pointed out that I always have brought the children up on the basis that I don't have favorites all of the are treated equally and loved equally.

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David Baxter said:


> How long ago did the mom pass away? Given that the youngest is only 18 months, I would guess that it was fairly recent. Your 17 year old may be exhibiting a form of grief reaction, perhaps compounded by feelings of having been displaced by younger siblings in competing for your attention/affections and for the attention/affection of his mother.
> 
> Does any of that resonate with your observations?


I had thought along those lines however as he was already caught previously before the birth of last child. That had kind of ruled out that point I thought


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 17, 2013)

Fair enough, but children don't always interpret the behavior of parents as the parents intend, so that doesn't rule out the possibility that this child (adolescent) is struggling with individuality and self-concept in trying to figure out how to get his own needs met as (a) a twin and (b) the oldest along with the twin in a family with a lot of siblings. Add that to a grief reaction and his behavior may seem less unusual or odd.



sambo said:


> I had thought along those lines however as he was  already caught previously before the birth of last child. That had kind  of ruled out that point I thought



No. Because, as noted above, he is a twin and an older child who may have been failing in getting his emotional needs met long before the birth of the youngest. And now grief is added into the picture.


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## sambo (Mar 17, 2013)

David Baxter said:


> Fair enough, but children don't always interpret the behavior of parents as the parents intend, so that doesn't rule out the possibility that this child (adolescent) is struggling with individuality and self-concept in trying to figure out how to get his own needs met as (a) a twin and (b) the oldest along with the twin in a family with a lot of siblings. Add that to a grief reaction and his behavior may seem less unusual or odd.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I suppose you could have a point but where do I go from here I have never noticed any difference in the way he behaved. That would give any indication of anything odd. He is very loving as are his siblings and very intelligent.


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 17, 2013)

My guess is that this has nothing to do with jealousy or whether or not he is loving, but rather more to do with sensitivity and, given his age, the normal struggles that teens have with identity and self-concept.

What you describe her suggests to me unmet emotional needs of some kind, a longing for something, a sense of having lost something or being deprived of something. 

Where do you go from here? It depends how receptive he is to the idea of talking to someone. Some teens, especially male teens, worry a lot about trying to hide things about themselves that they consider to reveal "weakness". If that describes your son, it may be an impediment to counseling or psychotherapy at this time.

And sometimes, it really is a matter of you, as a parent, resp[ecting his privacy and his right to make his own decisions. Letting him know that you are fully behind him if he needs support or wants to talk to you or anyone else may be the best strategy at this point.

I've said in the past that teenagers are like cats... sometimes you have more success in establishing a positive relationship by letting them come to you than by chasing after them.


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## sambo (Mar 17, 2013)

David Baxter said:


> My guess is that this has nothing to do with jealousy or whether or not he is loving, but rather more to do with sensitivity and, given his age, the normal struggles that teens have with identity and self-concept.
> 
> What you describe her suggests to me unmet emotional needs of some kind, a longing for something, a sense of having lost something or being deprived of something.
> 
> ...



Thank you again your reply makes sense

He is not the kind to chat to strangers about his problems and while I am pleased he felt he could come to me and openly discuss his feelings/wants. 

I just was so unsure of whether to let him have his way. His twin sibling is aware and seems ok about it and more or less told me to chill out and that he sees no harm in what his brother wants to do and told me to be thankful as there are a lot worse things he could be doing to his body. I wasn't expecting this in anyway shape or form and I suppose it freaked me out slightly. I do support my children no mater what they turn out to be as long as what they do don't hurt anyone else.


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## David Baxter PhD (Mar 17, 2013)

I am certain you do, Sambo. As a parent of (now) adult children, I know how difficult it can be, but with adolescents often the best strategy is "monitoring/parenting from a distance".

See:

Transitioning With Teens: Letting Go and Staying Connected

Faces of Teenage Depression

Growing Up Male

Raising Sons


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## sambo (Mar 17, 2013)

David Baxter said:


> I am certain you do, Sambo. As a parent of (now) adult children, I know how difficult it can be, but with adolescents often the best strategy is "monitoring/parenting from a distance".
> 
> See:
> 
> ...



I Thank you again very helpful. 
I would like to ad that while my son is prepared to talk to me and discuss his problems. He has indeed bought nappies himself and wants to be put back into nappies. Also wants to be fed and dressed like a baby. He seems to have put some thought into this and while I am not about to give him what he wants until I have made inquiries and sought further advice. I hope this makes kinda sense


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## forgetmenot (Mar 17, 2013)

I saw a show on this not too long ago where adults were doing this wanting to be treated as an infant just like your son does. perhaps he has got this idea from such a show on internet  and is trying it out  Did you ask him where this idea came from.


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## Banned (Mar 18, 2013)

Infantilism isn't as rare or uncommon as many people think and it is more common in males than females although the reason for that is not clear.  However, it is not a topic that is easily spoken about so your son is very brave in coming forward to you.  

I have a bit of knowledge in this subject area and I would agree with Dr. Baxter's line of thinking on the "why" or "where is this coming from?".

You do not necessarily need to do anything; you can be supportive by allowing your son to explore this need on his own without actively engaging in it and letting him know that youre ok with him experimenting around the house.  If you are not ok with that, maybe you can reach some sort of compromise whereby he doesn't openly engage but keeps it to himself in private.

For some people infantilism is a highly sexual (erotic) experience and you don't mention that this is the case with your son although it may be because he hasn't mentioned it either, or it may be because for him it truly is more about that emotional attachment / detachment that has affected him in some way that needs to be discovered and recovered.  You engaging in the process with him will likely not help him from a therapeutic perspective but may help him feel more secure and accepted temporariliy.  I would expect though that at some point, when he is ready, some psychotherapy may be in order to help him out with this long-term.


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## sambo (Mar 18, 2013)

forgetmenot said:


> I saw a show on this not too long ago where adults were doing this wanting to be treated as an infant just like your son does. perhaps he has got this idea from such a show on internet  and is trying it out  Did you ask him where this idea came from.


Hi Forgetme not 
He doesn't know where the idea came from but did say that for a few years he has been experimenting on his "baby" side and he has come to the conclusion he wants to be babied. As far as I am aware he hadn't seen anything on net or on tv. But I can't verify that without going into his history on computer and I will leave that for the moment. Thanks though for the reply food for thought..

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Turtle said:


> Infantilism isn't as rare or uncommon as many people think and it is more common in males than females although the reason for that is not clear.  However, it is not a topic that is easily spoken about so your son is very brave in coming forward to you.
> 
> I have a bit of knowledge in this subject area and I would agree with Dr. Baxter's line of thinking on the "why" or "where is this coming from?".
> 
> ...


Hi Turtle. 
Thanks for the reply.
I take your point and think it's well thought out. I have no problem as such with him doing this myself but I suppose what I am frightened of is the 3 younger siblings. he wants to be babied exactly as a baby he even wants to use a highchair and be a baby around the house. While his 17 year old twin seems to think it's ok and is prepared to go along with it as far as I know that is I am no so sure about whether the younger ones should see this. As far as sexual attraction he tells me no. He likes being a baby and just that there is no reason he tells me. At the moment I have no reason to doubt this as I have little else to go on.
Thanks again 
Sambo


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## Banned (Mar 19, 2013)

There are certainly some limitations into how far your son can take this in that baby items such as high chairs are not made to hold the size or weight of a 17 year old person, so your son's behaviour may end up being self-limiting in that manner anyway.  Has your son discussed this behaviour with this friends and peers?  Is it something he sees as normal or something he feels he needs to hide (from his friends)?

I'm certainly not an expert in this but while your son says there is no reason for this, ultimately there is.  However, as Dr. Baxter has said when it comes to teenagers pushing won't get you far so it can be a matter of waiting for him.  He may pass through this on his own or down the road he may want or need some help to figure it all out.  At this point though talking and listening and being supportive might be your best strategy.  Something is going on but as long as he is safe its probably ok to let him take the time to figure it out.


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## sambo (Mar 19, 2013)

Ok Turtle I thank you again for your reply. Today I have been chatting to both my twins. The upshot still no further ahead I know he has been taking his baby brothers nappies when he can. I also know that he has now bought his own. He was using tape to keep the smaller ones in place apparently. You mentioned in your post that a highchair would not be suitable for him again apparently he fits in the one we have for the 18 month old quite easily. I haven't seen this his twin has and he's talking about buying one for himself of the same kind. I have told him I need more time to assess the situation and if and when I make a decision I will let him know. He tells me that he likes to feel like a baby and don't know what started it and that for him it's non sexual. He has 2 very good friends as far as I am aware he has told one of them. I also know that the friend he told is gay and doesn't care, he still remains a very good friend my son has said he's not gay but not into any sort of relationship this is all he wants. He also would like to have a cot he's seen spare one in attic that used to be his or his brothers and asked me could he use it instead. As you can imagine it's a lot to take in and I am going round in circles. I also found out that his twin brother while he seems "normal" helped his twin get into highchair. That is all he did. I did forget to point out that I mention about his friends or peers thinking he was "normal" and I was asked what do I mean normal. I tried to explain about being gay/straight etc but he thinks he's normal in a different way. I don't know anymore at end of my tether and can't see a way through this. There were no raised voices on either side and had a lot of discussion but seemed to get nowhere. He seems to have his mind made up. So what is my next move he won't seek help of advice outside at the moment I seem to be caught in the middle?


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## sambo (Mar 20, 2013)

I did forget to mention that while he wants to be a baby he said he wants to try it and see how it goes. I myself have no problem if that's what he wants BUT!! There are younger siblings and I am worried the effect this may have on them. I suppose this is really my only worry. Yesterday when I was talking to him and his twin he had tears in his eyes more or less pleading with me to let him do this. My heart did melt and nearly falter but I couldn't help but think about the others. I am aware this is something that may be just a phase but I don't know and that if I let him be a baby where and when will it end? I have so many questions but no answers. I did try to reason yesterday mentioning his younger siblings and what the reaction of other people would be. He tells me it's none of their business and no he won't let me take him to discuss it with a professional therapist. I tried everything I could think of to make him see sense. His twin brother who shares same room at the moment is also adamant he doesn't not want his room turned into a nursery for his twin as he has to sleep there too. That was discussed if I let him be a baby in private. We are in the process of extending the house so that everyone will have their own room eventually. But for now twins are in same room and 8 and 14 are in other room and baby has nursery. While all the rooms are big enough to share I felt at the time this was the best way to make use of what we had at the time and privacy is a concern for all of them. Maye not yet for younger 8 year old but certainly 14 year old and twins. I hope that clarifies matters slightly and any advice welcome.
Thanks again 
Sambo


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## sambo (Mar 21, 2013)

Hi all.
Although I have no answers to my questions as yet I have another. I made a phone call to a psychotherapist today. I explained the problem to her and she seemed to think that the way forward was to let my son have his way. Then perhaps after he'd got his way that maybe the lure of things that would be the trappings of any teenager would be missed example his games, phone freedom to come and go as he pleases may be the beginning of the 1st stage of seeking help. Then perhaps she could do a home visit and try and analyze him in his home surroundings. Where he would be more relaxed and inclined to open up. Even if not the 1st visit she thinks there would definitely be more progress made this way? As for the other siblings she also thinks there shouldn't be a problem there either by explaining to the other children that their brother has had a kind of breakdown and that he will get better with time, but to be really supportive and understanding till he gets better but definitely make sure not to neglect spending time with them as well don't make this son the only focus in the family unit? How does this sound to all you out there does she have a point or would this definitely be a no no and if so how would you handle it? What other options are open to me to help my son seek help? 
Thanks
Sambo


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## Banned (Mar 21, 2013)

I think if you've reached out to a psychotherapist you need to trust the advice or opinion of that therapist, as a starting point and go from there.  You have to start somewhere so see how things go and then work with her on a plan.


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## sambo (Mar 24, 2013)

Turtle said:


> I think if you've reached out to a psychotherapist you need to trust the advice or opinion of that therapist, as a starting point and go from there.  You have to start somewhere so see how things go and then work with her on a plan.



Hi Turtle.
Thanks very much for your reply. It does indeed look as though the psychotherapist is correct then. I haven't told my son yet that I have sought advice and I hope that all will work out properly in the end. I believe he has highchair bought although I haven't seen it yet and I planned to get cot out of attic tomorrow. Do I put the cot in the nursery with his baby brother. I know this would be the most logical place. I am unsure how to initiate this to start with.  There are so many things that scream no to me but I suppose I am gonna have to see this through for the moment anyway. Any Ideas on how to initiate this would probably be a help. I have no idea at present and am open to suggestion. 
Thanks again for all your help 
Sambo.


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## Banned (Mar 24, 2013)

I am going to have to direct you back to the therapist. I don't know the answers to your questions and my approach in a similar situation would be different so I don't know what to say.


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## sambo (Mar 25, 2013)

Turtle said:


> I am going to have to direct you back to the therapist. I don't know the answers to your questions and my approach in a similar situation would be different so I don't know what to say.


Thanks anyway your advice and help has been invaluable and will see how it goes from here


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## Banned (Mar 26, 2013)

You're welcome.  Good luck.


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## sambo (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi All 
Just a brief update. We have been visited by a psychotherapist and she has indeed seen my son in his home surroundings. She has had so far 2 sessions and at the moment is building up his trust in her and she has been monitoring his behavior etc. She feels this is going to be a fairly long process that it's not something that will be sorted over night. Equally she has spent time with the whole family to get a full picture and seems happy enough as far as the rest of the siblings are concerned. I had made 17 stay in his own room with his twin. Although he was in cot I thought this might be better than giving in fully. However the therapist seems under the impression that he would be better moved into nursery with baby brother he needs to feel that we are committed to his needs. I hope all this means something to you because I can't say with hand on heart it honestly does to me. I suppose I will have to ride to storm and wait. 
Thanks 
Sambo.:dontknow:


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## Retired (Apr 1, 2013)

Thank you for sharing the update, Sambo!

Will the therapist be providing family counseling or primarily one on one with your son?


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## sambo (Apr 1, 2013)

Steve said:


> Thank you for sharing the update, Sambo!
> 
> Will the therapist be providing family counseling or primarily one on one with your son?


Hi Steve 
At the moment it's one on one with son although she has had chats with other siblings. At the moment one on one


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## sambo (Jul 20, 2013)

Hi All 
As of the past couple of months I thought we were getting somewhere. My sons behavior had changed and he seemed to be more private about his fantasies/fetish whatever it's called. The psychotherapist has stopped coming this past 2 weeks and I can't seem to get a hold of her. It seems though that slowly stuff is beginning to appear again. Also privacy seems to be not a concern he is worried about. 
I am sick to the teeth of this and feel like now could be heading back to square 1. I don't want to have go at him it's not in me. Perhaps this could be the reason I don't know clutching at straws. Where do I go from here? If only I could find psychotherapist she maybe able to set things right. 
Thanks all Sambo


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## making_art (Jul 21, 2013)

Thanks for letting us know how things have been going, Sambo. I have no helpful suggestions for you. Perhaps you could let the therapist know through a phone message how things are going and your concern about how to move forward with this.


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## sambo (Jul 21, 2013)

make_art said:


> Thanks for letting us know how things have been going, Sambo. I have no helpful suggestions for you. Perhaps you could let the therapist know through a phone message how things are going and your concern about how to move forward with this.



Ok Received a text message today and it seems Therapist is I.C.U. apparently. I was informed that for the immediate future Lisa (her name) will not be working and that she would be unable to make or receive calls in her condition. If the situation improves i will be informed. I replied to get better soon and wished her well. 
Only thing now is that I have nothing to fall back on now. She had built up a good bond with my son. Also a great mutual trust I don't know what to do now. Just as i Thought things couldn't get any worse....
Thanks again.
Sambo


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## making_art (Jul 22, 2013)

Sambo, does she work with a group of other therapists? If you can't get someone else from her office to replace her until she is better then I would find another therapist ASAP. If your son bonded with her then he will bond with another therapist. Check with a youth mental health center in your area. Most mental health centers have a youth section with therapists specializing in treating youth.

Things will work out somehow....make sure you are getting some fun time in with all of your worry time.


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## sambo (Jul 22, 2013)

make_art said:


> Sambo, does she work with a group of other therapists? If you can't get someone else from her office to replace her until she is better then I would find another therapist ASAP. If your son bonded with her then he will bond with another therapist. Check with a youth mental health center in your area. Most mental health centers have a youth section with therapists specializing in treating youth.
> 
> Things will work out somehow....make sure you are getting some fun time in with all of your worry time.


Thanks again 
Therapist in question was a private therapist I found. I had sought the advice of others before her and found them useless. I am not saying that she is the only one but she was certainly the best out of about 5 I contacted about my son. She seemed to have a bit more knowledge of the best way to handle the situation. But I suppose you're right. Will have to look elsewhere. Yes indeed am also having fun time with the children. It's one of the things that I love about having children they always lift your spirits no matter what kind of day you're having. Thanks again
Sambo


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## MHealthJo (Jul 22, 2013)

Please remember Sambo that you have handled this wonderfully, and with someone so caring as you keeping an eye on the situation, your son's issue has the very best chance of an overall good outcome, even if interruptions and setbacks do occur. 

How frustrating that the treatment from this useful therapist got interrupted. However, perhaps now you are in a good position to know a bit what kind of person to look for again; and also your son's confidence to work with someone and express himself has possibly increased from what it was prior to seeing this lady. You may also be able to find out what he liked about her, and that may make it easier seeking out someone new.

All the best Sambo....


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## sambo (Jul 22, 2013)

Hi everyone, Thanks MHealthJo for your kind words. I have had a long discussion this evening with my Son he has given me a kinda outline of what Lisa did when she had those private sessions. Apparently she let him play in the nursery, and while he was in this mode she would ask questions, these would be put to him like he was a toddler. In between these questions she would ask a more probing question. The results and the questions are unknown to me. However one of the previous visits she had spoken to me and assured me that I had been excellent in the way I had handled the situation. Also she felt that all the siblings were well mannered. I had done a good job of raising them. I still feel kicked in the teeth though I can't help it. I feel I have gone wrong somewhere with this son. I forgot to mention Lisa was aiming to get Son out into family as a baby at some of the mealtimes. She discussed this with me last time I seen her. She said that my Son felt like I was ashamed to have him in same room as us when he was little. She felt it was important to keep him part of the family unit. No matter how he looked. Or how he was dressed or perhaps that I should dress him and read him stories and make him fell not rejected for being the way he is. I myself at this point am not so sure without her guidance I feel like I have lost an arm. I also today have tried a few more therapists in the area and outside the area. So far none of which are able to help and gave me another number to try or at on point I was referred to a different country.... Don't ask?? I hope someone here has some answers and possibly logical advice to which I can make a stepping stone from.   
Thanks 
Sambo


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## David Baxter PhD (Jul 22, 2013)

Is it possible that the reason your son liked this therapist is primarily that she "normalized" his behavior and acted as an advocate to have other members accept it?

That may not be the best approach over the long-term for your son...


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## Banned (Jul 22, 2013)

David Baxter said:


> Is it possible that the reason your son liked this therapist is primarily that she "normalized" his behavior and acted as an advocate to have other members accept it?
> 
> That may not be the best approach over the long-term for your son...



What would you recommend or advise?  If you had a client in a similar situation...?  Do you suppress it?  Explore it without normalizing?  Normalize and then explore?  This is such a difficult area for many to understand yet not as uncommon as many would think.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jul 22, 2013)

I don't know. I'm suggesting that the dad not rule out other therapists, given that this one isn't available, apparently for the foreseeable future.

If there are "empirically validated and approved" approaches to therapy for this issue, I'm not aware of them.


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## sambo (Jul 23, 2013)

Thanks David and Turtle, 
I am today going to search other Therapist's unfortunately previous ones I tried were shall we say unhelpful. My son will not go to a therapist so therefore therapist has to come to my son. Even though I'm paying it seems like they don't want to know. Perhaps it could be that they have no qualifications or experience in this field I don't know. I will get one. However what do I do in meantime? Do I try and engage with my son and let him be a baby or do I make him stay where he is? Do I try as Lisa suggested and get him dressed and or changed and read to him? There are so many questions. Thanks again for all the help it's a comfort even knowing there is others that maybe in a similar situation? 
All the best 
Sambo


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## Budoaiki (Jul 23, 2013)

Sambo,

Have you been able to see any patterns to this? 

For example, does he behave this way more so when he appears to be stressed or is it consistent as in there are no times when he is less inclined to behave this way. Like perhaps something else that may fill the need/desire that this might be. 

You mentioned two close friends he has, are you able to talk to their parents to perhaps have them discuss the issue with their children if you are unable to approach them yourself as this may inadvertently push him away

I realize this may not be an option as it could cause friction or mistrust and it may not be easy to approach another parent about such a private issue.

Were there perhaps any common themes or topics brought up by the therapist that may be of help?

Also from a broad perspective people are unique and choose to fill wants and needs in various ways. With that said you have already stated that this is not sexual in nature however is it possible that your son's desire to be babied may be a means find affection he could receive in a relationship?

I ask this because you stated that you had asked him about his sexuality after stating he has a gay friend and a straight friend and he informed you he was straight so I wonder if he has had any girlfriends and or if he may be filling that emotional need through this behaviour?


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## sambo (Jul 23, 2013)

Budoaiki said:


> Sambo,
> 
> Have you been able to see any patterns to this?
> 
> ...


Wow Thanks Budoaiki.
I will answer as best I can your points. You obviously read in great detail. I was afraid that some points I made didn't come across right but seems you got the meaning. I would as you pointed out not approach other parents. I feel this is a family issue and will keep it that way if I can. He told me he wasn't interested in Girls or relationships all he wants is to be a baby again.. As far as I am aware he goes into this mode most days there appears no trigger that I am aware of in any case. The Therapist never mentioned any common themes or triggers. I don't know how much she got from him overall. She was working with him and was keen to introduce him to us all as a baby. Specifically at meal times and bed times to try and see if she could identify anything. However we didn't get that far as recent events took over. She did say that he feels like I'm shutting him out when he wants to be little. I suppose I am in a way but if she was here I probably would have allowed purely to help her perhaps I am wrong I don't know but I can't explain it properly. I don't mind what he does in private but he wants the whole deal sitting in his own highchair dressed and treated like a baby. I find this hard to cope with. Thanks again
Sambo

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Today I have located another therapist (Peter) I explained the situation to him and he said he will take on the case but it will have to wait 3 weeks. He is going on vacation. He has never come across this before. Although he knows the condition exists and is willing to help in anyway he can. He plans to do a evaluation 1st then more or less run with similar projects as Lisa was doing. Hope this makes sense. I asked him what do I do in meantime. He said if I feel like allowing my Son some of his requests by all means go ahead. As when he returns he wants to monitor the family as a unit too to see if there is any trigger there that I may not see. I don't know Any Ideas? Thanks again all
Your help is invaluable and a great comfort
Sambo


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## David Baxter PhD (Jul 23, 2013)

It sounds as though the new therapist is approaching this with an open and scientific mind. I would be encouraged by that.


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## sambo (Jul 24, 2013)

David Baxter said:


> It sounds as though the new therapist is approaching this with an open and scientific mind. I would be encouraged by that.


Thanks David. 
I have been asked a question by therapist today. He said he had been consulting with a colleague on this who apparently has had the situation arise before not sure of details but he asked would I be prepared to if I was comfortable with situation treat my son as a baby? He asked what age my son thinks he is when acting out this? I haven't answered yet cause I am not sure of either answer I told him I would think it over. He said that the full baby thing might be essential for the therapy to have any chance of succeeding but understands my hesitation. I really dont know I can if I thought that it would work but what if it doesn't? Let me know what you think? Thanks Sambo

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I forgot to say although I asked a similar question before it wasn't me that had to be changing nappies etc. This therapist feels that I have to make the move and tell him this is what is going to happen. Sorry about that I pressed send before I finished proof reading. Thanks again
Sambo


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## David Baxter PhD (Jul 24, 2013)

I have to say that I am rather skeptical of the approach these two therapists have suggested on several grounds.

1. One problem is that it holds the rest of the family hostage to this one child's issue/problem.

2. Another is that eventually your son needs to be able to adapt to a world in which anything even slightly different from the norm may make him a target. Reinforcing behavior this far from the norm may condemn him to a life of isolation and alienation.

What are the credentials of the two therapists, the first one and this current one? What is their level of training? For example, are they social workers? psychologists? coaches? what degrees do they hold?

Are there any psychiatrists in your area?


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## sambo (Jul 24, 2013)

Thanks David for the reply the current proposed therapist holds an Advanced Diploma in Psychotherapeutic Counselling. As for his colleague I have no Idea.
Lisa has PH.D in counseling psychology she was also a licensed social worker. I psychiatrists are few and far between in this locality. I did approach before and was referred to psychotherapist. I am glad I posted the question now. This is why, anything I am unsure of helps to get another outside point of view. However I should point out my other children are fully aware of my Son's activity. Lisa made me tell the rest of the family that their brother had had a breakdown and that he will get better but needs help to retrain his brain. They were not the exact words but along that description. They have seen him in his baby clothes and nappies and he sleeps in a cot/crib in his shared room.  I am gonna hold off contacting this therapist again meantime until I can make more inquiries. Incidentally son pictures himself a 6month old when he goes into his baby mode. Thanks again take care Sambo


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## sambo (Jul 29, 2013)

Hi All.
Taking David Baxters advice or concerns on board...
I think, well rather I hope I am making progress. I had a good long chat with the son in question at the weekend. I have told him I want to him to see a psychologist. Not at home but at the surgery or clinic whatever suits. I have explained that this cannot continue and that it is making life very difficult for all the family. I have located a psychologist approx 1 hour from here who has been recommended by the health and welfare office. I have explained to my Son that it at the very least would hopefully get to the bottom of his fetish even if he comes away not cured at least we will be able to understand the reasoning behind it. However my Son has always insisted that he will not see a psychologist and no way no how. He has agreed now however, BUT... he wants to make a concession on the basis that if he agrees to go and seek help then he wants to spend 2 weeks as a baby beforehand. That is his request if he goes along with me. He said although he's not ready to seek help he would if I let him do this? 
What do you think should I come back with a counter offer of some sort (looking for suggestions) or do I go ahead and allow?? To me I am sitting on the fence I don't know which way to jump. Any help/advice welcome thanks and take care.
Sambo


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## Budoaiki (Jul 29, 2013)

Sambo,

I think showing where you stand by not letting your son get accustomed to the behaviour or normalizing it would be healthier for him and the rest of your family. 

In my opinion the patience and compassion you've expressed and demonstrated for your son and your family in dealing with this is truly inspiring.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jul 29, 2013)

I agree with Budoaiki. You have finally set down some boundaries and told your son what you can and cannot do. Laying down boundaries for yourself and your other children is something that is not up for negotiation.

You are offering him help with someone qualified to help him and not just encourage the rest of the family to let him have his own way. This is, in my opinion, a step forward for everyone.

I see no benefit to be gained from backing down from that forward step.


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## sambo (Jul 29, 2013)

Budoaiki said:


> Sambo,
> 
> I think showing where you stand by not letting your son get accustomed to the behaviour or normalizing it would be healthier for him and the rest of your family.
> 
> In my opinion the patience and compassion you've expressed and demonstrated for your son and your family in dealing with this is truly inspiring.


Thank you. Kind words appreciated. Although I haven't agreed with him yet to meet his request. I do feel a slight twinge of guilt. I know. It's hard to explain but I kinda felt that because we were getting somewhere I had to appease him somehow. 
Thanks Again 
Sambo

---------- Post Merged at 01:34 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 01:28 AM ----------



David Baxter said:


> I agree with Budoaiki. You have finally set down some boundaries and told your son what you can and cannot do. \laying down boundaries for yourself and your other children is something that is not up for negotiation.
> 
> You are offering him help with someone qualified to help him and not just encourage the rest of the family to let him have his own way. This is, in my opinion, a step forward for everyone.
> 
> ...


Thanks Again David 
Advice taken in I will put it to him that I refuse in the morning will let you know how it goes...
Great..
Take care 
Sambo


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## sambo (Jul 30, 2013)

Hi All.
I had a further discussion earlier with my Son. However not good I told him that I wasn't going to let him have his way and that we will be going to see a psychiatrist as soon as poss. He is determined no way and has decided he is going to move out in a week then it's up to him what he does. Telling me that he will use the services of a pro!! He knows I cannot force him to go to seek help and he will not do so. I have now no idea what to do. His twin brother has had a go at me saying that he thinks I am wrong to force him to give it up. He also said that while it may not be the "norm" who's to say what is and if his brother was doing drugs or vandalism or anything to that extreme then I would have something to complain about. He feels that if this is how his brother is then so be it. He also said that if I don't cool it my Son in question will end up resenting me. Also if he does go out on his own who knows what he would be doing or getting into at least at home it's a safe environment. I am getting it from all sides. How do I continue now? I don't want my Son to move out in fact it would be the last thing I want. I love all my children and I hate the thought of losing any of them. I hope someone here has some answers because I now am completely lost.
Many thanks 
Sambo


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## David Baxter PhD (Jul 30, 2013)

I highly doubt that it's even practical for your son to move out. He is trying to intimidate you. Even if he does, where will he go and how long will he last? And how is that going to help him indulge his fetish?

This specific issue - i.e., the standoff between parent and child - has nothing to do with normality or abnormality. It has to do with helping him to work through whatever issues are behind him and learn to find safe and private ways to indulge his fetish or fantasies. How is he going to survive in a world which is very intolerant of anything or anyone "different" if he doesn't learn this? It also has to do with respecting the rights and sensibilities of other people around him.

I think his twin is also only looking at it from your son's point of view and even then not very broadly. I would try to talk to both of them about the issue of safety and intolerance. Like it or not, we all have to live in this world - the world doesn't change for us so we need to learn how to accommodate the world and other people living in it. Or, quite bluntly, we don't survive.


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## rdw (Jul 30, 2013)

The practicalities are : does your son work?  Does he make enough money to support himself and his needs?  Further does he make enough money to hire the services of a pro and all that entails? It's pretty easy to say I'm moving out when you've never bought a carton of milk or a loaf of bread.


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## sambo (Jul 30, 2013)

David Baxter said:


> I highly doubt that it's even practical for your son to move out. He is trying to intimidate you. Even if he does, where will he go and how long will he last? And how is that going to help him indulge his fetish?
> 
> This specific issue - i.e., the standoff between parent and child - has nothing to do with normality or abnormality. It has to do with helping him to work through whatever issues are behind him and learn to find safe and private ways to indulge his fetish or fantasies. How is he going to survive in a world which is very intolerant of anything or anyone "different" if he doesn't learn this? It also has to do with respecting the rights and sensibilities of other people around him.
> 
> I think his twin is also only looking at it from your son's point of view and even then not very broadly. I would try to talk to both of them about the issue of safety and intolerance. Like it or not, we all have to live in this world - the world doesn't change for us so we need to learn how to accommodate the world and other people living in it. Or, quite bluntly, we don't survive.


Thanks for replying David
I do agree with you and everything you say. I have a sneaking suspicion that my Son's gay friend is offering to put him up. I don't know for sure and although I have nothing against his friend I think that may be the place where he maybe thinking of calling home.. I did try and discuss this properly with both of them and was told I was out of touch with youth of today...YEAH!!! He seems convinced he can make a go of it. Although he won't be in public he assures me what he does behind his own closed door is no ones concern. He insists he will pay to get his fantasy fulfilled if he has to. I did forget to mention that my children had all been lucky enough to have a forward planning mother and all after the age of 16 are set up to receive a trust fund. Quite substantial too. As yet this has not been touched by either of the twins but are aware of it's existence. I am hoping he wouldn't be foolish enough to break into this. I did always tell them that although it's there it would be best used for rainy days stuff like college deposit on a house etc. I hope he leaves this alone. I have tried today till I am blue in the face to reason with either of them. To be honest I don't know how I kept my cool. I was feeling heated and frustrated at the end of it. I had to leave on an errand to take myself away before I said something that I may have regretted. 
Thanks again David
Take care 
Sambo

---------- Post Merged at 11:28 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:09 PM ----------



rdw said:


> The practicalities are : does your son work?  Does he make enough money to support himself and his needs?  Further does he make enough money to hire the services of a pro and all that entails? It's pretty easy to say I'm moving out when you've never bought a carton of milk or a loaf of bread.



This is what concerns me. Thanks rdw by the way.
He has enough money without touching trust fund to start but won't last more than a few weeks at the most. Unless he has other income or ready cash that I know nothing about. 
Take Care
Sambo


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## rdw (Jul 30, 2013)

Without trying to make light of your situation there is a poster out there somewhere that says "Teenagers quick move out while you have all of the answers " 
As an adult you can see the pitfalls ahead for him; I can see the pitfalls ahead for him but he is not seeing it.  Brain studies have shown that young males do not have full frontal lobe reasoning capacity until the age of 25. It is easy to make their choices for them however it is tough to stand by and watch them stumble.  What advice would you give someone who is in your position?


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## sambo (Jul 30, 2013)

Thanks rdw 
My advice come on here.....
I seriously don't know what advice on one hand I can see where my sons reasoning is at. On the more logical side Yourself, David etc are correct. I don't want him to leave and make mistakes out there and at the same time I don't want to be regretting any decisions I make neither. So how to proceed I have not a clue. I am lost in a world to which I am not equipped or trained to handle. I really do feel guilty about not trying more with my son but perhaps he has to make his mistakes himself.
I can't help but think that I prefer him where I can help him. 
Thanks again 
Sambo


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## forgetmenot (Jul 30, 2013)

Also  who would accept your son in  and follow his wishes of acting like an infant hun   no one  

 He does need to know what is acceptable in order to survive  as Dr. Baxter has stated

  Boundaries  are so necessary  i learned the hard way  without boundaries the whole family become a prisoner  in their home  

 Don't let you son have that kind of control 

  You have set the boundaries in place  keep them there  hun for all who are involves 

Hope all works out for your son and your family   I am amazed at how you are handling the situation hun  you are a great mother


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## sambo (Jul 30, 2013)

forgetmenot said:


> Also  who would accept your son in  and follow his wishes of acting like an infant hun   no one
> 
> He does need to know what is acceptable in order to survive  as Dr. Baxter has stated
> 
> ...


Thanks forgetmenot
Nice comments although I am the father lol thanks for the reply.
I understand the boundaries thing but looks like I may lose my Son over the head of it? I don't know. I wish there was such a thing as a wand I could wave then make it all better.
Thanks and take care
Sambo


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## MHealthJo (Jul 30, 2013)

Trust funds are not that common where I live, so I am not sure how they work - is there any possibility that you could restrict or limit his access to the trust fund, unless for a reasonable and needed purpose?

You could also say that if he wants to pay someone for this thing that he wants, you may not be totally ruling out that possibility in his private space at a private time - for example, if there is a time that you and the other kids could spend a day out or something.

That way, maybe you could call his bluff (which it could well be), while not seeming that you 'forbid' or reject some part of him. You can emphasize that it is your responsibility to look after the needs of a whole family to feel stable and comfortable, and if there are unusual or disruptive desires from one member, they can find a way to meet those needs without enforcing undue things on the whole family. It is your responsibility to set certain boundaries on what you feel is appropriate and healthy in the family environment, while you are not saying that you are disgusted or rejecting of this side of him. But you and the other kids have the right to individuality and personal needs and preferences too. Are people obligated to take part in or see a fetish if they do not want to and do not have that particular fetish? No they are not. Does he require you guys to be involved in it to express this individuality, is it a basic need or a human right to have you guys involved in it or around it? No it is not.

Perhaps that way, you would be teaching a lesson on boundaries vs individuality - showing where the limits of one person's individuality begins to invade another person's boundaries, and also demonstrating this lesson to the other kids while stull showing that differences/ individuality is not disgusting to you, disowned by you, or forbidden by you. You can say there isn't yet research on these things and how they work in a family environment, and until that happens, maybe he is a person who is ahead of his time in some way and until this is the norm, he is free to express this thing he wants to do - privately, without other uninterested parties having to be in on it.


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## rdw (Jul 30, 2013)

I work with teens and can tell you without fail they love their families but they will also push every button they can to achieve their goals.  Is there a family counselor with whom you can speak to help you sort out your feelings and emotions?  As well he or she may be able to help you find a way to express your concerns to your sons without escalating the situation. 
Another thing to remember is that you are not losing him but are allowing him to make some choices.


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## forgetmenot (Jul 30, 2013)

I think a lot of us parents would love to have that wand  but in reality  all we can do is to guide them and get them the help they need to survive  and you are doing just that.
Your son now needs to accept the help you are offering him.  Believe me i understand  the confusion and pain  and fear  and i do think if you can you also need to find a councilor for YOU  to help you  through the difficult times ahead.  Sorry for the confusion  You are a great DAD   who is doing all he can to provide help for his son


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## sambo (Aug 1, 2013)

Thanks all.
Your support is very much appreciated. I have a further development as of yesterday evening. I went shopping to get some much needed provisions and left the rest of the family home. I had made dinner before I left all that was needed was to serve and clear up afterwards. However when I got back the children were all eating their dinner. Normal enough you might think except that my son was in his highchair dressed as a baby with bib and being fed by his twin. The food had been pureed and the others were there too. The Youngest was in his highchair being fed by the 14 year old and I walked in in the middle of this. I was so enraged I couldn't speak. I dropped the shopping in the room and went off to sit in the car. I knew that if I stayed there I would have blown my top. I Haven't spoken to to eldest boys yet. I didn't want to start an argument in front of the whole family I was annoyed but could do nothing about it. I will bide my time and pick my moment. I am thinking about getting my son to log in here and perhaps someone here can get the answers I can't. I don't know what to think at the moment. 
thanks again and take care all
Sambo


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## W00BY (Aug 1, 2013)

I think you are dealing with a few issues here and I understand your bewilderment at this situation...

He is a twin... I have twins and I have known many sets of twins because of my twins uncanny ability to find them socially.

What I would say is one particularly males are always more babyish...

My boy twin still goes to bed with his baby blanket and he is 15 he utterly adores it and will panic if he cannot find it, he is needier emotionally and is frankly not ready for the world yet and I am okay with that.

I have known of male twins that wear nappies right into teenage years one had a sleep over at mines and brought his nappies!!!

I suspect there is a healthy dose of grief involved here too in amongst a massive family it can be hard to find yourself and what you want even in a smaller family.
coupled with becoming a teenager and losing your mother things could easily derail.

The issues your dealing with seem typical in some ways and i wonder if it was more classic in it's framing if you would feel more at ease? by that I mean he wanted to go an get drunk or sleep around...

I would urge both of you to get support with regard not only to this issue but also for your relationship and for your family.

I cannot begin to imagine the pressure on you since your loss I am a single parent of three and it is immense at times.

I hope you find some way to be more at ease with this situation and I would implore you to get the support you need no matter what your son does!

---------- Post Merged at 09:16 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 09:09 AM ----------

Further note... his other twin will support him no matter what he does as well twins just seem to have a freakish connection and unshakable loyalty for each other.

I, since mines where very small have battled them as a single unit and not as individuals they will team up no matter what and I think that is an important point in this dynamic... your are not only dealing with just your sons behavior but also his twin who will support, collude and protect no matter what!

 It would not be easy if he was singleton but your job is made so much harder within a twin setting and I think considering everything on your plate right now that you are doing a sterling job!


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## rdw (Aug 1, 2013)

It is apparent that your son and his twin are determined to show that they are making the decisions regardless of your boundaries.  I am not sure what having him log in here will do as the twins appear determined to do what they are going to do. As well that could escalate the battle of wills for I'm certain there are websites promoting your sons's behaviours.  I am going to repeat that I think you should find a counselor to help you sort through this, the loss of your wife and help you set boundaries so you can move this family forward.


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 1, 2013)

But of course you now have another and more urgent issue. Your twins have in effect declared war and are now openly oppositional-defiant. You're going to need to address that and draw a line in the sand.


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## sambo (Aug 3, 2013)

Hi all as of yet I have been unable to do anything about the situation. I am grateful for all the replies most helpful thanks. I have since found out from the 8 year old that this is common place when I'm not here has been for weeks. I am weakened at the moment am so tired and I suppose emotional from all that has been happening. I don't know if I can keep myself elevated to higher ground. I am realising that in my pursuit to help the teens my focus has been away from giving my time and love to other children and this I must amend. So for this weekend I am leaving the subject closed to spend quality time with all the children. Then try and even myself out about more. I will keep you posted all the same. Oh and thanks for the thoughtful replies they do help.
Thanks again and take care
Sambo


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## sambo (Aug 5, 2013)

Hi All. 

I have had a mixed weekend it's been sort of ok. While I have spent some quality time with all the children. Been do plenty of activity together as a family. I hate to admit though that I kinda allowed my son a little concession. 

He did spend time as a baby. However not with too much help from me although I turned a blind eye for this weekend and allowed him to be his little self. I dressed him and fed him I drew the line at putting his nappy on or changing him. He did open up slightly and told me a little of what he likes about being a baby. He said that it is not a sexual pleasure he doesn't get aroused when dressed this way. 

He said that it's hard to explain but he likes the thought of being a baby and while he knows it's not a thing that most people would understand it's part of who he is. He also said that he he knows that he couldn't be a baby full time but would like to be some of the time. I was just listening for the most part and although I asked everything I could think of at the time to try and get into his mindset, to try and understand a bit more I not sure if I achieved that. 

He did enjoy the weekend as did all the children. He did all the household chores etc that I expect all of them to do as well. It just seemed different there was no tension or angst from any of us. 

Was I wrong to go that extra mile I don't know but it certainly helped make us all one if that make any sense? 

I hate the thought of arguments and rows where I feel that I have to get away to blow my fuse in private. 

In all this weekend so far everyone seems happy and not one cross word from any direction. 

I hope this reads ok I have just rushed it through before children get up this morning. Will try and update properly later. 

Thanks again and take care

Sambo.


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## sambo (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi All.
I maybe getting somewhere... 
I have made a deal of sorts with my Son. He has said he will go with me to see a psychiatrist. I have explained that who ever he sees will not be able to make him do something that he doesn't want to do. We are going on the understanding that it's purely to get some help with this fantasy/fetish whatever it is. To get answers my Son has agreed to go only on this condition. 
I used the situation from the weekend and since by allowing his little side out and be a baby. He was treated as such in every possible way and had none of his privileges that he would normally take for granted. I banned his phone and computer and made strict bedtime rules with only being allowed to watch childrens tv before bed and my participation came at a price. I admit that I sold myself to the devil but in the end thought it might be for the greater good. I hope you understand my reasoning. 
I am aware it was probably not the best idea I have ever had but I had no other avenue open to me at the time, especially after finding out that my Son has been carrying on this way for some time while I have been out or otherwise engaged. 
I have also said that if he wants these sessions private then that is his right. I feel that although I have been a little sly in my getting around him that hopefully it will pay off in the long run. I stuck to my agreement so he will his now. 
So here's hoping and will keep you updated when I have information 
Thanks all and I do appreciate all the helpful advice although some of it I didn't follow recently in the hope of getting a quick fix. 
Hopefully now things may start to improve 
Thanks
Sambo..


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## MHealthJo (Aug 7, 2013)

Best wishes and I am glad youve been able to set up an appointment for him as well as spend time with them all.


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## sambo (Aug 7, 2013)

MHealthJo said:


> Best wishes and I am glad youve been able to set up an appointment for him as well as spend time with them all.


Thanks MHealthJo The support I have had in here is amazing and non judgmental. I am glad that I have had such great advice from all in here and will try and keep you posted on any outcome and also further advice if required. We have the appointment set up for this Friday at 4pm so hopefully I will start making progress from that point on.. Here's hoping anyway.
Thanks again
Sambo.


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## sambo (Aug 9, 2013)

Hi all . 
We have today been to the psychologist.  He started by interviewing both of us together. Then he spoke to my Son in private. The whole session lasted about 11/2hours. To sum it up he said that my son’s fetish is although unusual it’s not unheard of. He compared this fetish as something along the lines of a cross dresser or something of that ilk. He said although he’s not saying that it’s the same it has got parallels with this sort of thing.
He is taking the case on but he said that to have any hope of getting somewhere my son would have to 1st of all admit that he has a problem. Also between this visit and next he wants me to keep a diary/journal . He wants to know exactly what my son is doing, when he is doing it and how. We are to continue as we were for this week at least . Allowing my son to be his little self. Also what clothes he is wearing. He did say that any participation on my part would be up to me but only as long as . I also know my son has something similar to do he is to document what he is doing and how he is feeling at the time. He has a sheets with multiple choice answers on it. I think this approach is different and seems a bit more informed. 
Next week appointment at same time and he evaluate more at that stage. He said he may at some point further down the line want to interview the other sons but not at this point. My son hasn’t told me much of what was said in his interview. I haven’t asked. 
So here’s hoping to a more successful outcome. We were only home about 40 minutes before my Son decided he wanted to be his little self again. At the moment he is still his little self I haven't said anything but have been making notes. Let me know what you think to this new approach. 
Thanks again take care 
Sambo


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## W00BY (Aug 10, 2013)

I think your doing the right thing and time will tell if this approach is of use to you...

Hopefully your son may gain some insight into the external effects his behavior has on the rest of his family but that may not happen for a while...teenagers are a different breed

hopefully it is a phase and that if there are underlying issues he will eventually be able to speak about them

I don't know of anyone that I personally know of that could have handled this situation better than you are and I hope the sessions get the best out of your son


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## sambo (Aug 10, 2013)

W00BY said:


> I think your doing the right thing and time will tell if this approach is of use to you...
> 
> Hopefully your son may gain some insight into the external effects his behavior has on the rest of his family but that may not happen for a while...teenagers are a different breed
> 
> ...


 Hi Wooby 
Thanks for your kind words. It is a comfort to know that I am doing something right. My Son is at present in his little mode. I have been making notes non stop. As he is also filling out his questionnaires. I hope this psychiatrist can make some sense of this. I cleaned, dressed and fed him earlier with the help of the other boys. I suppose the only reason I went along with it is because I am hoping that an end is in sight. As you say it will probably be a long way off. The psychiatrist did say this wasn't going to happen overnight and this is not a disease that the other children will catch. So if they are helping don't be cross with them just supervise and make notes all the time. His reactions, etc to be listed. 
Thanks again to all
Take care 
Sambo


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## sambo (Aug 11, 2013)

Hi all.
Although my son has been his little self since we returned from psychiatrist. I have noticed his mood has changed from one of being grouchy (the only way I can describe it) to very happy and content. There have been no cross words from either of the teens. Certainly no word of him moving out since. I prefer this mood it does help to make life easier. I am still making notes. I can't wait to see how the psychiatrist handles this situation. That being said I am curious to know what the underlying cause is and how he is going to be cured of this. I am finding it easier to deal with while he is happy. I can keep my cool a lot better too. I hate conflict. My children are all my world and I would and do everything I can to help them through life. Thanks again for being so understanding and helpful and I hope that one day I'll be posting here to say my son is now become an adult. Time will tell in the meantime take care all. 
Sambo.


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## sambo (Aug 14, 2013)

Hi All. 
Just let you know my family are all getting on well. Today reading through my Son's multiple choice answers. He showed them to me earlier. Basically at certain points of his day like when he's being fed, dressed etc. It asks him how he feels on a scale from 1 being unhappy to 6 being happiest he has all of them ticked nearly at 6 for every event or situation. With the odd exception at 1 or 2 where he can add or input his thoughts as to where it can be improved, however i didn't see his answers to this if there are indeed any. I am hoping that this of some use to psychologist. 
Only 2 days more till 2nd visit. 
Take care all 
Sambo.


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## sambo (Aug 16, 2013)

Hi All
We were at the psychiatrist again this evening. Duration 2 hours he was impressed with the journal and the notes made by both of us. The psychiatrist wants us to come in next week with some of the things that say Baby to my son. If there is any favourites bring them in if not take photos of the item(s) for use during the next session. The psychiatrist has said that this treatment for my son is going to be a long uphill struggle. He has also said that he may not be able cure him 100%. He will try though. He said even to get my son to keep his little side private. Which in itself seems great to me would be a bonus and a step in the right direction. He also said not to expect miracles and definitely not to try and rush this. He reading through the notes that it may be like some kind of emotional crutch thing going on or possibly like a place he goes where he can feel like he has no cares or and all his needs are taken care of by another. I hope this makes sense I am typing it as I remember what was said to me. My Son had his session in private which lasted for 1 hour I have no clue as to what was said to him in there. If my son wants to tell me he will. I have been told that allowing my son his little side is not unhelpful to this treatment as it allows the both of us to make detailed notes of what is happening and possibly what triggers there are. The psychiatrist was surprised that I was able to help my son this far as many a parent would have either given up, kicked him out or just reused to acknowledge his problem. He said that he is also proud of that fact my Son opened up to me in the 1st place showing the good relationship and bond I have for my children. I think that more or less covers todays events. 
Take care all 
Sambo..


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## sambo (Aug 23, 2013)

Hi all we were back with the psychiatrist today with photos and items that my Son regards as his baby items. These are the items that make him think baby when he uses or sees them (trigger items). The session lasted 1 1/2 hours the psychiatrist was mainly interested in seeing my son this time. He did have a brief chat with me at the start just to find out how things were going. I told him that my son went most of this week as his big self and that not once did he mention his little side. Although as asked I did keep a journal. Yesterday he was back as his little again. I am not angry anymore just relieved he's getting help and advice. The psychiatrist is going to make a home visit during the week and see us as a whole family unit to see the interaction between all of us together. He said he may do this a few times as well as the weekly sessions on a Friday. The psychiatrist is happy overall with all the journal and my Sons participation also. He did say that my son had answered all his questionnaires very truthfully and that he couldn't discuss the answers or questions with me as a confidentially issue between my son and the psychiatrist. He did say though that I have done everything that any good parent would have done and not to be ashamed of the way my son is. For the moment though just more noting everything in the journal and make note of any slight alterations to my sons behavior however small or insignificant it may seem. 
That's about it for the moment.
Take care all
Sambo


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## forgetmenot (Aug 23, 2013)

I am glad to hear you and your son are getting the support you need at this time.  Your psychiatrist makes home calls wow  what a great psychiatrist


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## sambo (Aug 24, 2013)

forgetmenot said:


> I am glad to hear you and your son are getting the support you need at this time.  Your psychiatrist makes home calls wow  what a great psychiatrist


Hi forgetmenot 
Yes indeed this one does but only 1 home visit  first  apparently to get a home perspective on the situation. Other than that still have appointment for next fri at same time


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## sambo (Aug 28, 2013)

Hi All 
We had our visit from the psychiatrist today. He didn't say too much he took notes and made a few observations. He spoke a little to my son in private. My Son was dressed as his little self when psychiatrist turned up. He claims he didn't know that the psychiatrist was calling today. The psychiatrist told me he was happy with the family unit as a whole. He told me that we are doing everything as right as to be expected in this situation. He is going to try from this Friday withdrawing one or two items from my Son's trigger items to see if he can cope without them although only small items. Then after a couple of weeks withdraw some more. 
Take care all
Sambo


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## sambo (Aug 30, 2013)

Hi all.
We were at the psychiatrist again today. He was happy enough not to need anymore home visits for the moment. He had a private session with my Son and has given us both more assignments in the form of multiple choice questions. He said that if we feel we need to add anything to the questions as thoughts or opinions then to add them as we go along. I am told to still keep a detailed journal I am also to highlight things he doesn't like about being his little self. We couldn't get him to surrender anything from his trigger items. Psychiatrist said that maybe too optimistic but will keep trying. We also have to make a family weekend all of us together, whether playing football board games lego. We also have to do a treasure hunt about my property where stuff is hidden and clues as to the whereabouts of such items, The more cryptic the clues the better. The psychiatrist said if my Son is is little self don't worry and not to make an issue of it. Just play along and try to engage him where possible in the activities and keep him occupied to see if he forgets and joins in as his bigger side.. I can't remember how it was said but that is more or less the bones of it. 
Keep well all
Sambo


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## David Baxter PhD (Aug 30, 2013)

I think you've finally found someone who knows what he's doing.


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## sambo (Aug 31, 2013)

David Baxter said:


> I think you've finally found someone who knows what he's doing.


Hi David.
Thanks again your opinion means a lot. I know this is going to be an uphill battle with a very slow progress I have to be patient. I am learning this now.
I still find it very hard and somewhat gut wrenching when I see my son dressed this way. Although I try to ignore it best I can if that makes sense. I plan this weekend to do treasure hunt thing with the whole family. I am not finding it as difficult as I was with my son I suppose it's because I can see an end of sorts in sight all be it a long way off,.
Thanks again 
Take care 
Sambo


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## making_art (Sep 1, 2013)

I'm so happy for you, Sambo! To be honest I would not have handled this as well as you have and you are very lucky to find such a good psychiatrist. Wishing you and your family the best. :goodjob:


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## sambo (Sep 2, 2013)

make_art said:


> I'm so happy for you, Sambo! To be honest I would not have handled this as well as you have and you are very lucky to find such a good psychiatrist. Wishing you and your family the best. :goodjob:


Hi make_art 
Thank you indeed. I suppose the only reason I have been so stubborn and stuck with it is because it's family. My Son. I felt I had to be there for him no matter what. I would do the same for any of my boys and love them all unconditionally. As I gained advice from the people here and support. It helped me through. 
We did our treasure hunt as planned and I had been up all night hiding treats and tickets for the cinema and the odd voucher I also sat up doing the evil clues that went with them. We all had a great time. We laughed a lot at some of the clues and we all spent quality time together. However that being said my Son was his little self he still took part and enjoyed it. We all had our meals together and the other twin prepared a lovely meal for all of us. The others helped clean and tidy after the place was turned upside down looking for hidden treasure. I won't lie I can't wait till there's some closure on this. I am so looking forward to having a "normal" life whatever that means  
Thanks again and take care 
Sambo


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## sambo (Sep 7, 2013)

Hello all.
Not much to update this week. We were with psychiatrist yesterday and much of the same unfortunately. I am still to keep a journal noting any slight differences if there are any. The psychiatrist done a series of words with my Son. This was where he said a word and asked my Son what the word meant to him. I have again no idea what the outcome of this was. As usual all my Son's consultations are private. I will admit I am surprised my Son still going to this psychiatrist. After all the trouble I had to get him to agree. So this in itself has to be a good sign? 
Take Care all
Sambo


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## forgetmenot (Sep 7, 2013)

It is a good sign that you son is connecting to this pdoc  and trusting him


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## sambo (Sep 10, 2013)

forgetmenot said:


> It is a good sign that you son is connecting to this pdoc  and trusting him


Hi forgetmenot 
Thanks it means a lot to know that something is going right.
I have been spending a lot of time with my family and doing various fun things with them all. Although my son is mainly his little self I still engage with him. I have learned one thing it's best not to shut him out. He responds better somehow when he is allowed his little side. I am aware my youngest child has his 2nd birthday coming up. I always make a big thing of birthdays no matter what age they are. I would love it ideally if my Son would be cured or on the road to being cured by then? Still a couple weeks away but I have a feeling that I may be asking too much to soon. Hope all well and thanks again.
Take care Sambo


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## forgetmenot (Sep 10, 2013)

Hopefully he can be a big brother that day   to celebrate his little bothers birthday


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## MHealthJo (Sep 13, 2013)

Yes, even though it is very likely this  issue will not be "changed" or "dealt with" by then, perhaps he could appreciate that at this time there has been effort and tolerance to give this side of him what it needs, by others. So perhaps he could hear that for that day, it would be a wonderful thing for the young son to get a bit of the side that he might need and appreciate - the big brother side...


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## sambo (Sep 16, 2013)

Hi all.
Thanks again. I have spoken to the psychiatrist again on Fri last week. I did mention that I had the birthday coming up for his younger brother and he's agreed that he will be his big self for that day. He had already thought of this apparently. I haven't anything new to report other than that.
Thanks again all for your help.
Take care 
Sambo.


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## forgetmenot (Sep 16, 2013)

That is good new hun he is wanting to be a big brother to his little brother


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## sambo (Sep 30, 2013)

Hi All. 
Just a quick update the birthday for the youngest went really well. The biggest news though is my Son has not been his little self for nearly 2 weeks.
Although still seeing psychiatrist and all seems to be looking better. However the psychiatrist has told me he feels that this may be a little break and could return to it. In the meantime though he will carry on counseling my Son and probing as deep as he can to get all the answers he can.
Thanks all 
Take care
Sambo..


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## Budoaiki (Sep 30, 2013)

Sambo,

So glad to read about your son's progress and the joyous occasions shared with your family. It's something that you can be very proud of, sometimes behavioral changes can tear families apart. I want to say again, I think you've demonstrated incredible patience, compassion and persistence in helping your son, something your whole family should be proud of.


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## sambo (Oct 1, 2013)

Budoaiki said:


> Sambo,
> 
> So glad to read about your son's progress and the joyous occasions shared with your family. It's something that you can be very proud of, sometimes behavioral changes can tear families apart. I want to say again, I think you've demonstrated incredible patience, compassion and persistence in helping your son, something your whole family should be proud of.


Thank you again.
I suppose the patience is born out of love for my children I love them dearly and would do anything for them.
I am indeed a whole lot happier I feel like we are getting somewhere. Although I am aware there could be some relapse I am taking this situation as a sign that we may be getting somewhere and positive thoughts help.. 
Thanks all
Sambo


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