# Observation or Judgement?



## sunset (Jan 10, 2008)

I saw a girl with her boyfriend yesterday and the first thing I noticed was how stringy and greasy her hair was.. I was thinking this girl has a boyfriend (obvious), was in her late twenties I think, and seemed happy and healthy..
Then WHY would she go out with her hair looking so bad?
Then I switched gears and said to myself, Am I judging her on what I see, or is it just an observation?
I guess I am confused as to where the line lies.

Input please..


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## poohbear (Jan 10, 2008)

Personally, I think a "judgement" has more to do with a final determination.  Saying "she didn't wash her hair because she is lazy" would be a judgement (or maybe thinking that).  I think that the majority of people would wonder why others do things, which would be an observation or a variance thereof.  I certainly do:  "Why did that idiot run that light?...Why does that man have on pink stiletto heels?...Who on earth would eat mustard on their strawberries?...What kind of mother lets her child go barefoot in 40 degree weather?"  But we don't all assume that these people are mentally unbalanced just because of what they do or don't do; that's crossing the line into "judgement"...I think.  By the way, I think of "judgement" as just that: a statement of finality-- like in court, a judgement is final.  You can always change your opinion or observation, until it's spoken.  When it's spoken, it takes upon a life of its own.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 10, 2008)

I understand there is a bit of a trend or fad among young people in the past year or two to limit bathing or shampooing - I don't fully understand it but it seems to be an offshoot of environmentalism, i.e., don't use soaps and shampoos "to excess" and don't waste water. Perhaps the girl was subscribing to this?

Alternatively, when I was a graduate student, one of the other students was a young woman (who also had a boyfriend, if memory serves) who had severe allergies to most detergents, soaps, deodorants, etc., etc., and for that reason often looked somewhat "unkempt".


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## sister-ray (Jan 10, 2008)

I think it was a observation, being judgemental is something different I think poohbear summed it up nicely.


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## sunset (Jan 10, 2008)

Thx for the comments, and I can see now that I wasnt really judging her, just wondering why a person would choose to come out in public with greasy hair. I think poohbear nailed it in saying "a judgement is final". All I was doing in wondering...

Dr B, I have heard of that kind of stuff in the 70;s with the hippies, but not in this day and age. Is that still going on?


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 10, 2008)

I think the high school kids latched on to the notion about 2 years ago, at least up here in the Ottawa area.


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## sunset (Jan 10, 2008)

David Baxter said:


> I think the high school kids latched on to the notion about 2 years ago, at least up here in the Ottawa area.



Wow.. I need to pay more attention to the people and kids around me.. None of the kids I know at least are doing this.


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 10, 2008)

My youngest son is just 16. He's my source.


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## Into The Light (Jan 10, 2008)

> My youngest son is just 16. He's my source.


aha! you have an insider feeding you classified information! 

isn't that kind of cheating?


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 10, 2008)

Not at all. Just good information gathering. 

Keep your stick on the ice and your ear to the ground - you won't miss much - and not much will miss you.


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## lallieth (Jan 10, 2008)

Smelly kids...hmm what a concept.My 16 year old daughter would have a massive hissy fit if her hair isnt washed daily..as for my boys,they are pretty clean now,but I remember a time,when it was like pulling teeth to get them to shower.


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## HA (Jan 10, 2008)

There are also some people with sebaceous glands that just don't work properly and they have really oily hair by the end of the day after washing it in the morning.


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## im_in_chains (Jan 12, 2008)

This is a really interesting topic.

I think judgements have an element of prejudice in them whereas observations are simply our own musings whereby we are trying to make sense of the world, people and situations.

The judgements were the kind of things that were bothering me about my former friend.  She'd express what was initially a balanced opinion only to push the negative to the extreme resorting to insults and name-calling which I felt were totally unnecessary as I understood (although not necessarily agreed with) her balanced opinion.

I can relate a little to the greasy haired girl.  I had a moment of unkemptness during the early weeks of my first pregnancy.  Sometime during the course of the day, I ended up back in bed where I stayed with a bucket by my side for my sickness.  Although I slept ok, I began vomiting again upon waking the next day so my husband called our GP.  Since I hadn't eaten anything since the previous day nor could I keep water down, he had me admitted to hospital where I received IV fluids and had a scan to check if baby was ok.  I had hyperemesis.

It was the following day when I began to feel a little better (although it wasn't long before my bucket and I became friends again - I called it Hyacinth - see British comedy 'Keeping Up Appearances') but I realised that I hadn't washed since the morning of the day before my GP was called out.  So, here I was wearing two days worth of perspiration and dirt and felt awful and boy did I enjoy my bath!  It was the same time I realised I couldn't tolerate the smell of my regular shampoo so had to buy another brand.  I've never gone back to my old brand since as the smell reminds me of my pregnancy sickness and I begin to feel queasy.

Oops, I've deviated.  Nevertheless, it was an interesting topic


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