# Thinking about suicide. What to do?



## Cobra 6 (Dec 28, 2012)

Somebody, who I really loved has just died. So I was depressed for a very long time and now I can't keep living without that person. I don't have anyone to beg me up and I was thinking about suicide for a long time. What to do? I cannot live without that person, please give me some answers what should I do now?


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## Retired (Dec 28, 2012)

Hello Cobra and welcome to Psychlinks.

I am sorry to hear about your loss.  It must be a very trying time for you right now, and I hope you might find some direction and support from our community during this most difficult time.

Was this person's passing totally unexpected, or was there an illness that lasted a period of time?  Was this person living in your home?

Although it may seem there is little hope in your own life for the future at this moment,  the reality is that you have the opportunity to honor and to commemorate this person's life through your own life and your own actions in the future.  The pain from your loss is probably very intense right now, but this would be the time to reach out to those who can help you through this difficult time.

In the same way you have had the courage to reach out here on Psychlinks, you need to reach out in your own community to someone like a close family member, a friend, your therapist or doctor who treats your depression, perhaps your spiritual advisor or even your local emergency hospital.

Is there a crisis telephone service or mental health support service in your area?

We are here to help you, so you need to keep yourself safe until you can get someone to be with you at home.  Is there someone you can call?

Cobra, have you ever attempted suicide in the past and do you actually have a plan at this time or are you just having thoughts of suicide following this person's passing?

Suicide is never the solution to an immediate crisis, so please continue the conversation with us that we can figure out the best way for you to overcome your thoughts of  suicide.


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## Cobra 6 (Dec 28, 2012)

Thank you very much. Well, this person's death was really unexpected. I just found it out one day. No, this person wasn't living in my home. But it was just my really really best friend. I wasn't attempting to do suicide yet, but I was planning to do it for long time. I tried to talk to my other friend but it just didn't work. But I'm really afraid to talk to the doctors. I am afraid that they will put me in some kind of a home.


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## Retired (Dec 28, 2012)

> I am afraid that they will put me in some kind of a home.



To my knowledge, people are not committed involuntarily for having thoughts of suicide.   However when having thoughts of suicide, you need help and support from competent health professionals trained in dealing with your situation, and who have an understanding of your medical history.

Your doctor should not be judging you, but rather should be evaluating your current mental state in order to provide you with the treatment and care you need.

Your illness of depression might be at the root of the suicidal thoughts you are experiencing, and your doctor is your best resource for helping you.

Can you call your doctor for an appointment today so you can discuss your situation?


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## Cobra 6 (Dec 28, 2012)

Well, ok I will try, but how can I get rid of this terrible sadness?


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## Retired (Dec 28, 2012)

The death of someone close is always difficult to deal with and sometimes takes time to accept and to continue with one's life.   Time and support does reduce the pain, while the wonderful memories of the person live on.

That isn't to say the sadness completely disappears, but at least we learn to accept, cope and continue with our lives.

Please have a look on our Forum in the section on Grief and Bereavement, particularly among the "Sticky" posts at the top of the section for some resources.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 28, 2012)

The terrrible sadness hun is normal it is you grieving for the loss of your friend.  Perhaps talking to someone a councilor a therapist will help guide you through the sadness 
We all grieve hun in our own ways   crying is ok let the tears go   If you are have thoughts of suicide then yes talk with your doctor who can help you hun by getting you the supports you need   Hugs


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## Cobra 6 (Dec 28, 2012)

Thank you for those great words. It helped a little bit. And yes, I made an appointment. It's tomorrow at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I really hope that it will help. But the sadness is still here. And I really really really miss that person.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 28, 2012)

OH do  I hear you hun  i have been missing someone for awhile now

  The sadness i hope can be replaced in time 

  You have to give you time to  heal  i hope it can be replaced hun with good memories happy memories of your friend

   Right now it is too soon and all you need now hun is support  family and friends to talk to  ones that will listen and help you through this

      The sadness it hurts i get that i do  but you will get through it i promise you that you will ok  but try to talk to someone  friends family talk ok don't hold in that sadness because it only hurts worse when you do that.

   Let us know how the appointment goes with your doctor ok

 Your friend hun try to do something that will commemorate his life 

 Please hun  take care of you don't harm yourself ok because if you leave hun you will be passing the pain you feel onto someone you love   You can heal hun it just take time hugs


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## Cobra 6 (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you for message, but I just cannot describe how sad I am because of that person. I will see how the talk with doctor will go today.


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## forgetmenot (Dec 31, 2012)

I hope your talk went well hun and that you have some support for you now   I don't think anyone can describe the depth of sadness one feels when they lose someone words just won't cover it    hugs.


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 2, 2013)

The talk went quite well. Doctor said that suicide won't bring my friend back. He told me things that you told me too and that if I want to talk any more, I can see him whenever I want. But I'm so sad. I still cry at nights and at the mornings, when I wake up and I realize that my friend is dead. I'm still in depression...


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## Retired (Jan 2, 2013)

Cobra,

Thank you for sharing your experience with your doctor, who sounds like a sensible and compassionate person.  Take advantage of your doctor's offer to return for additional support and counseling.  Having someone close by like your doctor, a close friend or family member or perhaps even your spiritual adviser can help when you feel you need immediate support.

Additionally we are available here on Psychlinks to assist you when you need us.

We are indeed sorry for your loss, and in time even though the pain of losing your dear friend should diminish, you can take comfort in knowing the wonderful memories you have will always remain with you.



> Doctor said that suicide won't bring my friend back.



Correct, and your suicide would only bring the same distress to those who love _you.  _Suicide is never a solution to any problem because there are always options available to us while we are alive.   Those options may not be apparent in a moment of grief, which is why it is so important to do what you are doing, which is to reach out to others for support.  By speaking to your doctor, to family or friends and even to us here, you can investigate your options for moving forward.

Cobra, do you have family and / or friends available to you for support?


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 3, 2013)

Well my family doesn't live with me. I live in Houston but my father and mother live in Canada. Yes, I have some friends around, they were friends with my dead friend too and we sometimes meet. But the suicide thoughts still didn't disappear yet...


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## Retired (Jan 3, 2013)

> my father and mother live in Canada



Cobra,

Are you in frequent contact with your parents, and can you reach out to them for emotional support?

Are you receiving any treatment or therapy for mood disorders at this time?  Have you been prescribed medications to relieve symptoms of mood disorders?


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## forgetmenot (Jan 3, 2013)

It will take time hun  the pain and sadness and yes the thoughts of leaving stay with us sometimes  but they are just thoughts hun.  As long as you don't act on them ok 
If  you feel like you are in crisis you talk to your doctor again ok   you reach out hun and get support  It takes time to heal  and you will hun  hugs


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 3, 2013)

Yes, I already contacted my parents and the were sorry too and they told me to move on. I didn't tell them about my suicide thoughts. My doctor said to me that I can speak to him again, but my suicide thought just won't leave so easy...


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## forgetmenot (Jan 3, 2013)

NOt so easy to move on hun i get that i do.  With support hun from your doctor  perhaps a councilor  you will be able to get  through the pain the sadness  It won't be easy hun but grief is not easy  hugs to you


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 3, 2013)

Yes, it's still really hard. My friend was so great. He was always the one who listened to me, he taught me many things that I didn't know about, he was the closest person in the world to me. But then someday...it just happened. My friend's parents told me that he died. At first I didn't believe it, I thought it was just a cruel joke. Then I found out that it was true. I just couldn't face it. I didn't want to believe it, but there was no other way. I was sad and I cried almost all night. The funeral was the saddest time of my life. Then the suicide thoughts came. I just didn't and still don't know how to live without my friend. I was with him every day. Every single day. We had the same job, everything. We were together every single minute of the whole day. Even when I or he was sick, we were there. I just don't know how to live on without my friend.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 3, 2013)

I know its hard  there is a void right now in your heart that pain it will lessen and one day you will be able to remember your friend with less pain.   Your friend hun do something ok to keep his memory alive  commemorate your friends life hun  Plant a tree  start a foundation in his name but do something to commemorate what he loved ok.
Just take each day at a time  sometimes just take each hour and get through it by keep busy talking to your parents  listening to music    Reach out to the people around you don't try to get through it on your own  use the supports and help that is there  for you    One day at a time hun   hugs


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## Retired (Jan 3, 2013)

> my parents ... they were sorry too and they told me to move on



Sadly, many people have difficulty providing sympathetic support to someone in crisis, even when it's a member of the family.  I'm sorry you received an answer like that, because when we are grieving or feel depressed, we can't "just snap out of it" and "move on".

We need time to deal with the emotions of loss, and with support and sometimes therapy, we can find ways to deal with our depressed mood.  

I cannot recall what you told us, Cobra...are you currently being treated for mood disorders separate from the grief you feel for your recent loss?

If you continue having thoughts of suicide, you must connect with a local crisis help line.  These are people trained to help you find the resourced you need locally in Houston, and might be worth your while to call to find out what's available for you in your area.

Here are two resources for you to check out:

Texas Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depression.

Crisis Intervention of Houston, 24/7 crisis hotline, confidential, anonymous, 713-HOTLINE


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 4, 2013)

Thank you, that helped, I'm really trying to remember my friend in happy way, but it's so hard. I will do what you say and I really hope that it will help.


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## Retired (Jan 4, 2013)

Many if not most of us has had to deal with one kind of overwhelming tragedy in our lives; and although at the time it seemed insurmountable, thankfully with the help and support of kind people around us, we eventually found ways to get through.

It may not be easy, and may take time, but during these times of emotional hardship, it's important to continue reaching out for support from people willing to help.

It's encouraging to hear your commitment to look forward, Cobra.  As has been said, the memory of your friend will stay alive with you, and the joy of having known this person should eventually replace (at least some of) the pain you now experience.

Cobra, are you currently working, studying or how do you occupy your time?


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 4, 2013)

Thank you. No, I'm not currently working. Right after my friend died I didn't go to job for over two weeks now. I spend the most time lying on the couch and looking at my friend's pictures, what makes me even more sad. I don't think if this is the right thing to do, but I just keep doing it. Sometimes I go for a walk and I talk to my doctor. He knows that there's alot of pain in me, he knows that I'm sad and he's trying to make me feel comfortable. But I just don't know how to get things back to normal. It seems impossible.


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## Retired (Jan 4, 2013)

> I just don't know how to get things back to normal. It seems impossible.



It only seems impossible because of the enormity of the problem for you at this time.

What has helped me during times when a problem seems overwhelming, is to break down the problem into micro pieces, making each micro piece manageable.



> I didn't go to job for over two weeks now. I spend the most time lying on the couch and looking at my friend's pictures, what makes me even more sad. I don't think if this is the right thing to do



You are correct, it's not the right thing to do, so you need to figure out a path to recovery.

Perhaps the first micro piece could be to get outside the house for a while...take one step, then the next and another until you get outside the door.

If you need food, then take it one step at a time to get to the store or restaurant to eat something.

Make a call to your place of work, to tell them you have been ill, and set a date to return to work.

Around the house, get things organized, do your laundry, press your clothes and get ready for your return to work.

Set yourself another goal to visit some friends, see a movie or go out to the park for a walk.

In other words, set yourself a few manageable goals, a time table and gradually get back into your usual routine.

Work with your doctor to manage your symptoms, and start taking back control of your life schedule.

Does that sound like it might work for you?


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 4, 2013)

Thank you very much. Yes, it sounds that it may work. I sometimes go for a short walk but every time I see my friend's picture it makes me cry. I will call in my job and say that I am ill, thank you for that advice. I'm really trying to get the things straight but just a single piece of memory returns my sadness back. And it seems that it will never stop. I just don't know how to live without my friend. We were friends since high school. We went everywhere together, we did almost everything together and this is why I just don't know how to do things without my friend. I will do as you said, I'll call my friends and try to go to the movies with them, but I'm afraid that just a single thing that reminds me of my friend will make me sad.


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## Retired (Jan 4, 2013)

> I'm afraid that just a single thing that reminds me of my friend will make me sad.



And this is a normal reaction, however, in order to go on with your own life, it might help, when you think of your friend, to focus on why you loved that person, and why that person made you feel good.  So, by focusing on the what made you happy to be with your friend, you can start building your memories of your friend that you can cherish the rest of your life.

The sadness will remain, but can become manageable by focusing on the good memories.

You sound like you are making progress...little by little and every bit of progress is good.

Keep the conversation going, to keep us posted on your progress.


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## forgetmenot (Jan 4, 2013)

I don't know hun but for me  I had to put the picture aside  and not look at it because it only brought out so much pain  but that is me   I would concentrate on things that bring you joy hun  ok


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 5, 2013)

Thank you for the answers. But the problem is that if I will remember the good memory of my friend it will make me sad again. I was talking with my doctor again yesterday and he told me to try and imagine as my friend would be still here. Is this right or not?


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## forgetmenot (Jan 5, 2013)

Perhaps your doctor was trying to say  is  imagine what you and your friend would do to bring both of you joy.

  You can talk to your friend although he is not physically present he is with you still inside your memory  you can share the joy  with him

   It is hard  when you lose someone you care for hun and it will take time  and i do hope you are able to share with others your memories of your friend

  It will get easier hun  but right now what you are feeling is normal  it is painful but how else can it be
  You hun try to do something for YOU ok each day that will bring you comfort and care.

   Imagine what would your friend and you be doing   and do it hun  in memory of your friend.

  Also hun if you get outside do some sport  skiing  whatever hun  keep your mind busy ok  active be active   do not sit inside all day hun 

   The only way i got through was to keep so busy my mind did not have time to go to the sadness

    I am sorry hun  in time hun  give it time ok  you will be ok you will hugs


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 5, 2013)

Thank you, I will try. I already took a ride with a bike, but I only came to the end of the street. The only problem is that I did the most of sports together with my friend. I took a few walks, I went to the movies, and it really helped a little. But I just cannot stop looking at the pictures of my friend and me. I had a little conversation with my parents too. They told me, that I will find another friend, but I just know that nobody can replace the old one. I will try to keep myself busy and not to sit down all day even though that this is almost the only thing I do since my friend died. My other friends are visiting me every third day and the make a little more happy. But when they go away, I become sad again. I'll try to do something. If I would stop thinking about my friend, would it help to remove the sadness. (But it will be very hard.)

---------- Post Merged at 08:36 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:35 PM ----------

The last sentence was a question: If I would stop thinking about my friend would it help to remove the sadness?


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## David Baxter PhD (Jan 5, 2013)

Cobra 6 said:


> The last sentence was a question: If I would stop thinking about my friend would it help to remove the sadness?



For a while, if you could do that successfully. But grief doesn't just go away. It needs to be experienced and processed. You can delay it until you feel more ready but you can't avoid it.


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 6, 2013)

Thank you. I will try not to think about my friend, but it's gonna be hard. The problem is that my room is filled with photos of him and often my friends are saying me, that they are sorry. But there is another problem. My friend was the only person who was with me almost all the time. Now I'm alone for the most time. It's true, my friends are visiting me, but only few times per week and first time in my life I will be really alone. That was one of the reasons that I was thinking about a suicide. The other reason was, that I did everything with my friend and he taught me a lot of things, he was always friendly with me, we went everywhere together and this is why I just don't know how to keep living without him.


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## Retired (Jan 6, 2013)

Cobra,

Your friends who visit you are your source of local support, and you need to be reaching out to these friends to help you through your grief.

That being said, you need to come to the realization that suicide is not the appropriate response to grief.  The normal pattern of life takes people away from us, but also introduces new people into our lives.

While it is never expected that a new friend or acquaintance can ever replace someone we have lost, it is possible to form another relationship that can fill a void in our life.  The fond memory of the person who has passed will always remain, and will be an important part of your life, but by looking to the future, you can look forward to making new friends and possibly forming a new relationship.

Suicide is not the answer to this problem you currently face, and is never a solution.  

There are many options available to you, and it is your responsibility to your friend who has passed as well as to yourself to explore these options.


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## MHealthJo (Jan 6, 2013)

Yes Cobra... It is okay to really really miss your friend, to remember him, to feel a great sadness during this time, and to always remember how special he was.

But just try to be careful in trying not to believe that your life is over, and that later you cannot find special friendships and relationships again. Your heart is filled with sadness, but those things are not true.

In time, your friend would have wanted to see you remembering that life is NOT over... that you have had a great loss, and your heart will grieve....but in time you will find more special closeness and friendship with other people...

 Grief is a terribly sad and difficult time.... but your friend would want you to try to remember that this is not the end of you, or of special and really good things in your life. Those things will come again. xx


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 7, 2013)

Thank you all. I will try to have a new friendship and hope that I will be able to do this. You are right that my friend would want for me to live and remember him as a happy person. Once, when he was alive he told me, that friendship is the strongest thing ever. And that nothing can ever change that. I will try to find a new friend but I know and think that nobody can fully replace the old one. I went to the doctor another time. He told me that I must try and think about my other friend for a while. It's so hard and...I miss my friend so much. He was practically everything to me. Sorry, I already described him. Well, I just can't seem to handle that he's gone forever. Please is there anything that I can do to get out of depression. Because I don't know how to live without him.


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## Retired (Jan 7, 2013)

> is there anything that I can do to get out of depression.



Your doctor is your best resource to provide you with treatment options to deal with the way you are currently feeling.

In your conversations with the doctor, was anything ever discussed about ways you could deal with your feelings?

Are you receiving any treatment or taking any medications for mood disorders?


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 7, 2013)

No, the doctor didn't give me any medications. We were only talking. He told me that I need to forget about my friend for a little while and start to make new friendships. Is that a right thing to do? (Maybe I already asked that but I'm sorry I'm really confused and sad now.)


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## forgetmenot (Jan 7, 2013)

Hun put the pictures away for awhile ok in your drawer and start to concentrate on you   Staying focus on the here and now hun the present ok  keep yourself busy hun get involved into sports  or other programs that will bring you new connections  when you are stronger as said then you can bring back the pictures but for now they just overwhelm you


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 8, 2013)

Thank you, I will try but the problem is, me and my friend did everything together sports too so when I try some sports it will remind on my friend. I went for a short ride with a bikes with my other friend. She tried to beg me up but it didn't help. It seems as everything would turn into black. I didn't smile for a long time now. I tried with a lot of things, the doctor is really trying to help me, you are all helping me, but I just...I loved my friend so much and he loved me. Thank you, I will try with some small sports, I hope that it will help...


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## forgetmenot (Jan 8, 2013)

one day at a time hun  hugs


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## Retired (Jan 8, 2013)

Cobra6 said:
			
		

> No, the doctor didn't give me any medications.



What is the specialty of the doctor you are seeing?  Is this a medical doctor (M.D.)?

I can't recall if you answered my earlier question as to whether you have ever received treatment for a mood disorder such as anxiety or depression or other mental illness issue?


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 8, 2013)

I think he is a medical doctor yes, but he knows very much about mental illness. Yes he told me that if his advices won't help me, then I can go to a treatment.


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## Retired (Jan 8, 2013)

> he told me that if his advices won't help me, then I can go to a treatment.



I would urge you to consider the option of receiving some further therapy to help deal with difficulties you are experiencing at this time.  By being evaluated by a mental health specialist, you would be given some concrete and usable options to help with your mood, which would in turn improve your quality of life and allow you to better adjust to the changes in your life at this time.

Each one of us needs professional help at one time or another, whether it is for health care, or some other service we require.  By consulting a specialist you can receive a treatment plan designed specifically for your situation.

Can you call your doctor and ask for a referral?


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## Cobra 6 (Jan 9, 2013)

Yes, I will thank you.

---------- Post Merged at 04:53 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:04 PM ----------

I am going to visit my doctor again now, see you later.


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