# Please Live



## David Baxter PhD (Aug 30, 2017)

*Please Live*
Personal Stories, _NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
_August 8, 2017        







I have struggled with my thoughts for as long as I can remember. In  elementary school, I would think about suicide before I even knew what  suicide was. I never planned my future or said what I wanted to be when I  grew up because I didn’t think I would ever get there.

  In middle school, I found myself feeling hopeless, out of place and  worthless, so I started to self-harm. Fast forward to my freshmen year  of high school, and I was diagnosed with bipolar II and anxiety. I  skipped class and neglected academics because I planned to be dead  before high school ended.

  After multiple suicide attempts, one inpatient stay, two rounds of  intensive outpatient therapy, I still felt hopeless. I tried 14  different medications. My senior year I missed 34 days due to being so  depressed. The thoughts have always been the same throughout all this.  “You’re worthless.” “Kill yourself, you don’t deserve life.” I thought I  had given up, but slowly things changed during my last semester of  senior year. I decided to try. I decided to live.

  Fast forward to today. I am 22 years old, and so thankful to be  alive. I finally found medication that helps. I have surrounded myself  with the best people and I am the president of NAMI On Campus at my  college. I am pursing my bachelors in nursing and just applied to  graduate school to be a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. I  get to dedicate my life to helping people who struggle with mental  health conditions and I couldn’t be happier. Most importantly, I am  alive.

  Now I’m not going to lie, these past eight years of fighting my mind  has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I still get those thoughts. I  still have those days where I despise myself. Those nights that I cry  myself to sleep still exist. It’s taken so much work, but it is worth  it. It takes dedication, support and so much more to come out of that  dark place. The journey is not easy, but it’s worth it. Living is worth  it. My point in all this is that people care for you. There is light at  the end of the tunnel. You can live. Yes, it takes hard work. There are  really bad days, but there are also really good days. Just, please live.  Someday, you won’t regret it.


_Share your story,  message, poem, quote, photo or video of hope, struggle or recovery. By  sharing your experience, you can let others know that they are not  alone.
_


----------

