# How to cope with chronic depression?



## Into The Light (Feb 16, 2009)

i've been thinking about this the past few days and been wondering how does one cope if one has chronic depression? how do people cope with chronic conditions that make their quality of life less than normal? how do you accept something like that and keep on going?

i once read an article by someone who said, "if i were to have a disease, i would pick depression, because it's treatable", and i'm thinking, be careful what you wish for, because depression is devastating. that statement kind of angers me. sure it may be treatable but once you've had it you are vulnerable to getting it again, and the more often you have the more likely another episode is.

i just don't know that i can handle that kind of pain over and over again. it scares me, and what's even worse is i feel like i can't get away from that suffering, because i have to hang on and stick around for the people who love me and need me.


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## Daniel (Feb 16, 2009)

> ....i feel like i can't get away from that suffering, because i have to hang on and stick around for the people who love me and need me.


I know the feeling -- including the feeling of being trapped, with no hope for a worthwhile life in a positive, life-affirming sense -- but I try to attribute such feelings of hopelessness to the depression, which is exacerbated by my avoidance behaviors.

If most people lived your lifestyle, would they become at least sad or lonely? Personally, even though I have had depression for over 13 years now, I think a large portion of my distress from depression is pretty much due to secondary factors of depression and anxiety, mostly avoidance behaviors. 

Regarding treatment, I am currently focusing on using DBT methods as a way to cope with the distress as I try to change these avoidance behaviors.


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## HBas (Feb 16, 2009)

Every dark cloud has a silver lining - may take A LOT OF MEDICATION AND THERAPY to get there but it's there and ALWAYS WORTH WILE! 
Just a smile ... Depression in nothing to smile about ... beating it IS!
Take care of you!


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## Lana (Feb 16, 2009)

> ...how does one cope if one has chronic depression? how do people cope with chronic conditions that make their quality of life less than normal? how do you accept something like that and keep on going?


How?  By shifting their focus.

One of the important things that a person with a chronic condition has to do is develop ability to focus on things that make them better.  That means, rather then looking at depression and thinking "I'm doomed for life" or "My life is less then normal" a person changes that view to "I need to do A, B, and C and life will be fine."  

Now, "fine" doesn't mean problem or challenge free.  So, another component is to learn how to bounce back and not take every single setback that happens in every normal and healthy life as a sign that it's depression and that their efforts are not working.  In other words, don't blame depression or whatever chronic condition, for things that come with life....for everyone.  

These skills can be learned through CBT, making sure the meds are observed, attending therapy sessions, and most importantly, working to achieve those goals.  Just showing up for therapy and popping meds is not going to cut it.  

One other thing is avoiding things that may evoke depressive thoughts.  Avoiding people that focus on the illness rather then getting and staying well.  Avoiding news...since most of it is negative and depressing.  This is especially important on days when a person feels less then ideal...it indicates vulnerability to depression.  So, the idea is not to go there and feed it willingly, but to work towards the ideal.


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## Jazzey (Feb 16, 2009)

I'm working on the same things right now too ITL.  But I wanted to tell you that I'm hopeful that I won't always feel really bad.  I like what Lana said. That's basically what I've been trying to sort out.  What is it that I want?  What is it that I know I have to avoid in order to stay healthier?

I won't lie, I slip a few times.  But I'm still willing to get back up and try again.  This weekend was one of those slips.  For instance, I know I have to avoid alcohol.  I know that it won't help my depression.  But after a particularly difficult weekend, I gave in.  

Supporting you all the way ITL.  Hang in there and remind yourself that you're not only doing it for the ones around you - you're also doing it for yourself, so that you may have a quality of life.


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## Daniel (Feb 16, 2009)

To reiterate some of the points above, with any chronic mental condition (or at least mine), there is the issue of learned hopelessness:



> In addition to differences in the level of hopelessness, the researchers found that *people with dysthymia alone and those with double depression felt little control over their own lives. People with these conditions felt that* external forces -- other people or *fate -- determined their future*. Those suffering from major depression alone did not have this characteristic.
> 
> News about mental health on the Mental Health Foundation website


More positively, the role of metaphor is very important, at least for me.  There is this biological model of depression that is very depressing, e.g the hippocampus may be shrinking with ongoing relapses, which may be why people with depression are more susceptible to Alzheimer's disease.  I think the research on neurogenesis is helpful in that it gives are more positive biological model of depression, even if it is -- at the end of the day -- just a model.


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## ladylore (Feb 16, 2009)

Well, I agree with everyone here. What I would like to add are two things. First, notice the break in the clouds even if a short one. Do your utmost to notice those times when you feel better.

Second, and this one was harder, I had to come to terms with my life. Being a former perfectionist I had to lower my standards because they were impossible for anyone to meet.

I had to get to a place where I came to terms that this is my life. And despite everything, I am living it just doing what I am doing. It's a life. With that there are certain things I do every day to keep myself in a certain frame of mind. I know my limitations and I know my strengths. And there are times I will feel like crap, everyone does at times.

Whether you know it or not ITL, your living your life. :support:


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## Daniel (Feb 16, 2009)

Ladylore said:
			
		

> Second, and this one was harder, I had to come to terms with my life. Being a former perfectionist I had to lower my standards because they were impossible for anyone to meet.


And as my therapist says metaphorically, it's okay to drive in the slow lane compared to other people.  I think most Americans, at least, are on a highway to nowhere. So that's one reason I try not to compare myself to others.


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## ladylore (Feb 16, 2009)

Daniel said:


> And as my therapist says metaphorically, it's okay to drive in the slow lane compared to other people.  I think most Americans, at least, are on a highway to nowhere, e.g. _American Mania: When More is Not Enough_.  So that's one reason I try not to compare myself to others.



:goodposting::agree:


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## Daniel (Feb 16, 2009)

Two self-help books on dysthymia:

The Half-Empty Heart: A Supportive ... - Google Book Search

Beating the Blues: New Approaches to ... - Google Book Search


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## NicNak (Feb 17, 2009)

Daniel said:


> And as my therapist says metaphorically, it's okay to drive in the slow lane compared to other people.  I think most Americans, at least, are on a highway to nowhere. So that's one reason I try not to compare myself to others.



This really struck a cord with me.  I too was always comparing myself to others "So and so can go out for a dinner and still be able to wake up for work the next day, why can't I?"   It seemed to me, these were things other people just did so easily and for me it was a struggle.  I wouldn't be able to go out on certian days, when having to work the next day.  Luckily my friends scheduled dinner dates on days I had the next day off work.

I also had others compare me to other people too.  I was once so proud after seeing my Psychiatrist and told a friend "He says I am do so well!"  She was stunned and said "Is he stupid?  Doesn't he see, you are not doing well?  You can't even make it through a week of work without a sick day!"  It was then that it hit me, when I shot back at her and said "He is comparing me to others who are coping with my simular condition, he isn't comparing me to you!"

That did it for me.  I no longer compared myself to others who were in the assumed "normal" catagory.  I also stopped worrying so much about how others precieved me as well.  In my own mind, I am content with the fact that I am a good person, genuine and kind.  The rest doesn't matter.

After that.  I started finding things I liked.  It didn't matter what others thought of me enjoying hanging out with the geese, ducks and swans at the lake for hours.   Going to feed the squirrels, going to the pet store to see the animals.  Or walking about the book store.  I still tried to make sure I was around people, even just window shopping at the mall.   It is not like I was doing anything bad or anything.  They are just simple things most don't pay much mind to.

I still get depressed a lot, but once I stopped thinking about how others might judge the things I enjoyed, I was able to not feel self conscientious and just go with it.  

I had to run on my road of simplicity to keep myself in a realitively good place or as Daniel mentioned driving in the slow lane.  

Sorry for rambling on, but doing this really helped me cope better.  

Hope you are well Into The Light.


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