# Why do people tease loved ones?



## LovebirdsFlying (Mar 21, 2013)

It seems so unloving to me.  For the life of me, I cannot figure out the attitude behind, "I'm just messing with you."  Why would anyone WANT to do that to another person, especially one they claim to love?


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## W00BY (Mar 21, 2013)

Attention is attention...positive or negative...

Some people need the focus to be on them no matter if it's good or bad.

I used to feel as you do but I turned it on it's head and now think of in my own case that those that do that to me are;

A) unhappy within themselves

B) need you more than you need them

and 

C) see something that you are or have and (they) want it but do not know how to go about getting it for themselves.

there is more but as you can see what is a very negative situation is actually when looked at from other points of view actually rather a positive thing for you

Anyone who tries to manipulate me, bring me down or ruin my day I just think of it in this manner

Hurting over such behaviour especially when it those closest doing it to you is only natural but there is always something to glean in these situations that is in your favor


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## MHealthJo (Mar 21, 2013)

I do think teasing isn't nice. The only exception would be when its a relationship that is definitely positive, there is no doubt of very positive loving or liking from the teaser, and its a topic that the teasee is known to be self-accepting about and does not feel sensitive or bad about, and the teasee seems able to enjoy a friendly jibe. Then it can be friendly and fun and more like just joking around.

Strangely I met someone from Canada recently visiting here in Australia, and she pointed out that she has quickly had to acclimatise to our culture of 'stirring' people or lots of sarcasm, even if we've just met someone. (Stirring can be like friendly, non-mean joke teasing.) When I thought about it I realised this is kind of true here - to varying degrees from person to person.

 Then I realised that maybe the reason this is so common here is that there's a certain degree of 'cultural mindset' here that everybody is sort of your 'mate' - even a stranger. 

Sometimes there's discussion that this 'mateship' culture is decreasing. I think that might be true, but there's still quite a bit of it.

Definitely in some cases it is the other reasons WOOBY mentioned though, and other non-friendly reasons, and some people use the cultural phenomenon as a cover for taking it too far or not using good judgment about it.

Probably in the world at large, 'I'm only teasing/joking/stirring' is used as a cover-all in the same way.


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## Retired (Mar 21, 2013)

Lovebirds,



> I cannot figure out the attitude behind, "I'm just messing with you." Why would anyone WANT to do that to another person, especially one they claim to love?



You may gain some insights into your question from this recent post Dr. Baxter shared with us:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/relationships/31337-personal-boundaries-and-how-to-get-them.html


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## Michael Cross (Jul 26, 2013)

People have different ways of showing affection and for some that way is teasing. But teasing can also be a passive/aggressive way of leveling criticism. Try to discern the intention behind the teasing - if the person means well, take it as affection. If it seems like an indirect way of bringing up a real problem then it's time to speak about the problem directly.


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