# Marriage counseling



## David Baxter PhD (Nov 17, 2009)

Marriage counseling
Mayo Clinic
Nov. 14, 2009

Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, is a type of psychotherapy. Marriage counseling helps couples ? married or not ? recognize and resolve conflicts and improve their relationships. Through marriage counseling, you can make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding your relationship or, in some cases, going your separate ways. 

Marriage counseling is usually provided by clinical social workers or licensed therapists known as marriage and family therapists. These therapists have graduate or postgraduate degrees ? and many choose to become credentialed by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). 

Marriage counseling is often short term. Marriage counseling typically includes both partners, but sometimes one partner chooses to work with a therapist alone. The specific treatment plan depends on the situation. 

*Why it's done*
Marriage counseling can help couples in all types of intimate relationships ? heterosexual or homosexual, married or not. 

Some couples seek marriage counseling to strengthen their bonds and gain a better understanding of each other. Marriage counseling can also help couples who plan to get married. This pre-marriage counseling can help couples achieve a deeper understanding of each other and iron out differences before marriage. 

In other cases, couples seek marriage counseling to improve a troubled relationship. You can use marriage counseling to address many specific issues, including: 


Communication problems
Sexual difficulties
Conflicts about child rearing or blended families
Substance abuse
Financial problems
Anger
Infidelity
Divorce
Marriage counseling may also be helpful in cases of domestic abuse. If violence has escalated to the point that you're afraid, however, counseling isn't adequate. Contact the police or a local shelter or crisis center for emergency support. 

*How you prepare*
The only preparation needed for marriage counseling is to find a therapist. You can ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a therapist. Family and friends may give recommendations based on their experiences. Your health insurer, employee assistance program, clergy, or state or local mental health agencies also may offer recommendations. 

Before scheduling sessions with a specific therapist, consider whether the therapist would be a good fit for you and your partner. You might ask questions like these: 


_Education and experience_. What is your educational and training background? Are you licensed by the state? Are you credentialed by the AAMFT? What is your experience with my type of issue?
_Logistics_. Where is your office? What are your office hours? Are you available in case of emergency?
_Treatment plan_. How long is each session? How often are sessions scheduled? How many sessions should I expect to have? What is your policy on canceled sessions?
_Fees and insurance_. How much do you charge for each session? Are your services covered by my health insurance plan? Will I need to pay the full fee upfront?
*What you can expect*
Marriage counseling typically brings couples or partners together for joint therapy sessions. Working with a therapist, you'll learn skills to solidify your relationship. These skills may include communicating openly, problem solving together and discussing differences rationally. You'll analyze both the good and bad parts of your relationship as you pinpoint and better understand the sources of your conflicts. 

Talking about your problems with a marriage counselor may not be easy. Sessions may pass in silence as you and your partner seethe over perceived wrongs ? or you may bring your fights with you, yelling and arguing during sessions. Both are OK. Your therapist can act as mediator or referee and help you cope with the resulting emotions and turmoil. 

If you or your partner is coping with mental illness, substance abuse or other issues, your therapist may work with other health care providers to provide a complete spectrum of treatment. 

If your partner refuses to attend marriage counseling sessions, you can go by yourself. It's more challenging to patch up a relationship when only one partner is willing to go to therapy, but you can still benefit by learning more about your reactions and behavior in the relationship. 

Marriage counseling is often short term. You may need only a few sessions to help you weather a crisis ? or you may need marriage counseling for several months, particularly if your relationship has greatly deteriorated. The specific treatment plan will depend on the situation. In some cases, marriage counseling helps couples discover that their differences truly are irreconcilable and that it's best to end the relationship. 

Making the decision to go to marriage counseling can be tough. But marriage counseling can help you better cope with a troubled relationship ? rather than trying to ignore it or hoping it gets better on its own. 

*More information*

Marriage and family therapists: The family-friendly mental health professionals. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPISTS? UNIQUELY QUALIFIED MENTAL HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS
Marital distress. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. AAMFT - Marital Distress Consumer Update
Domestic violence. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. AAMFT - Domestic Violence Consumer Update
Marriage preparation. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. AAMFT - Marriage Preparation Consumer Update

*References*
Gurman AS, et al. Family therapy and couple therapy. In: Sadock BJ, et al. Kaplan & Sadock's _Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry. 8th ed._ Philadelphia, Pa.: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins; 2005:2584.


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## sparkely (Dec 29, 2009)

Hmmm, that's very interesting. My man and I have been together for 4 and half years going strong except one thing.... sex what is sex? hahah We don't do that anymore. Why? I cant even figure it out. Well I can but I don't want to say.

I don't know but he suggested marriage counselling but I always thought it would bring up things that would make me very very very angry. I guess it could happen to anyone. Maybe we should though. We just recently signed up for a gym membership. He loves working out and so do I. We're also doing dance classes together so that should be fun. I'm hoping that works for us!!


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