# Feeling safe



## suewatters1 (Mar 3, 2009)

When a person doesn't feel totally safe what can they do besides going to the hospital?  I know a person can call a crisis team or hotline but I find the help I am getting locally isn't as good as I like.  I know if the Ottawa DR returns my call and talks to me he might ask me if I feel safe and I am not sure if I feel safe.  I am not sure if I wouldn't hurt myself in some way.  I don't want to die but is there a time when your thinking changes without you realizing it and it brings you over the edge?
I want to change my thinking so I don't get there.  I just feel so confuse right now.  I hate the feeling I am mentally losing control of my mind.

I am not eating very much.  I don't have an appetite for food.  I feeling like I am losing control of my mind where I don't call the shots anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent

Sue


----------



## arlene (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi Sue.... Try to analyze your situation..What are the thing to your life that you think its not ok. Then think how can you resolve it..do something. I think that theres a reason why your depress.


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi Arlene yes there is a reason why I am depress but not sure how not to get times during the day where I wish I were dead even though I don't want to die.  I am just fed up with what is going on in my life and I am only getting about 5 or 6 hours of sleep, I am barely eating in the last week.  It's just feel so overwhelmed by life right now that I can't think straight.

Thanks

Sue


----------



## Retired (Mar 3, 2009)

> I find the help I am getting locally isn't as good as I like



What is it about the services you receive that you feel are inadequate?



> if the Ottawa DR returns my call and talks to me he might ask me if I feel safe and I am not sure if I feel safe.



Why wouldn't you just tell your doctor exactly the way you are feeling, that you are uncertain about what you might do, and that you are having thoughts of suicide.

---------------------------

Have you ever made a prior suicide attempt?

Are you using drugs or alcohol at this time to reduce anxiety, stress etc?

---------------------------

Here are some resources in Ottawa:

Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region
P.O. Box 3457, Stn. C
Ottawa ON  K1Y 4J6
Crisis:  (613) 238-3311
Website:  Distress Centre - Ottawa and region

Child, Youth and Family Crisis Line for Eastern Ontario
Ottawa, Ontario
Crisis:  (613) 260-2360 (Ottawa)
Toll-free:  1-877-377-7775
Website:  Wecome/Bienvenue | Child, Youth and Family Crisis Line for Eastern Ontario
Service available in English and French

Tel-Aide Outaouais
C.P. 7218, Station Vanier
Ottawa ON  K1L 8E3
Crisis:  (613) 741-6433
Website:  Tel-Aide Outaouais

*If you feel you are in immediate danger, call 911*.


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 3, 2009)

1- I need support groups that are free to help deal with life events or help        me deal with my life events.  CMHA has 2 hours 1 day a week and I missed it yesterday because I had to see my new DR.  I want workshops to help deal with self esteem or other topic that would be good for me.

2-  I think of suicide but I don't want to do it but I can see me cutting myself in a place that would be very noticeable to other people.  Which is wrong.  I want to change my thinking but I need the tools to do it.  In my community their doesn't seem to be much tools for me to access.

3- I never tried Suicide before in my life just thoughts of it.
    I am using my daily medication as prescribed by my DR but sometimes I have an alcoholic drink with it.  I did that last night.  But what scares me is that on Feb 23 my last day of work I had to use a knife for my job in the morning and I kept thinking what I could do with that knife and I once had it about 2 inches away from my wrist.  Now I have this fascination with the idea of cutting my wrist an over whelming thought but not kill myself.
So my thinking is all twisted and I hate that.

4-  I am just so tired of feeling this way.  I know I need to eat and sleep and stay away from alcohol.  I will force myself out of the house later today.  I will wait till at least lunch time to see if the DR returns my call.  I think he works at the Civic hospital in the mornings.

Thanks for you very much for your help

Sue


----------



## Retired (Mar 3, 2009)

Sue,

I'm relieved to hear you have not made previous suicide attempts.  However mixing alcohol with medications is never  recommended because the medications cannot work the way they are supposed to.

Your doctor can be your best resource to keep you safe, but you must tell your doctor about the intrusive thoughts you have about cutting yourself and the mental images you have about a knife.

Have you asked the people at the CMHA about the kind of workshops you are looking for?  What about inquiries at the Royal Ottawa Hospital?

Would you call the Ottawa crisis line in the meantime, until you hear from your doctor?


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 3, 2009)

Steve I am from the Seaway Valley.  If I were to cut at anytime it wouldn't be a big cut I think so why bother calling the hotline.  They will have the police at your door.

But I will stop in at a drop in center for people with mental illness later; then I have to go to physiotherapy.

But if my new Ottawa Dr wanted me to go get evaluated for 72 hours in Ottawa I would do it.  But not in my home town.  I didn't get a long with the psychiatrists in my town and also my brother use to work for about 18 years on the psychiatric floor.  People would find out.  My family would find out.   My best friend I told him most of this before he went to school this morning and he told me if I end up in the hospital to let him know by email.

Sue


----------



## Retired (Mar 3, 2009)

> If I were to cut at anytime it wouldn't be a big cut I think so why bother calling the hotline



Sue,

There should be no cutting or any form of injury at all. Distorted thinking must not rule your actions, which is why you need to connect with someone to help and support you during this difficult time.

This is not the time to be concerned about stigma of mental illness, and what your family or friends might think.  If people you know have unreasonable views of mental illness, it's not your problem, but theirs.

You cannot allow yourself to remain ill and without treatment because of what others may think.  You need to take charge of your own health care and take the necessary steps to get the help you need...especially during a time of crisis.

If you are near Brockville, I believe there is a crisis center there, in town..  If I remember well it's in the ground floor of a medical building in the center of town.

You need to take charge and get the help you need, Sue.


----------



## forgetmenot (Mar 3, 2009)

yes i agree totally sue you need to take charge of getting yourself well use the crisis team or help lines to get you the necessary support you need  i too fouund this step a hard one but i have chosen to get well  i contacted my GP and he has prescribed medication tht willhelp me stay stable  Sue don't wait for othrs to do this for you   you can take the first step and it doesn't matter what anyone says to you or thinks all that matters is that you start healing now okay take care of you Mary


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 3, 2009)

Thank You Mary.  
I have a new DR. Psychiatrist and I will see him again in 3 weeks.  I left him a message last night a question for him.  I am taking depression pills it's I just got to learn to deal with the issues that makes me feel this way.  I am not getting enough sleep and not eating enough so I have to work on that.

Sue


----------



## forgetmenot (Mar 3, 2009)

way to go sue getting a new Psychiatrist and getting help for yourself hopefully you can start thinking positive now if your not eating well try drinking ensure protein drink this has nutrients you need and i know sleeping is hard but if you can take some time to just relax okay take care Mary


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 4, 2009)

Well this morning I called out patient mental health about the support programs. They are group sessions on different topic everyday.  They told me I needed a referral from a Psychiatrist.  I told this to my Case worker from the CMHA when I saw her this afternoon and about 1 hour later she calls me to tell me I just need a DR's referral even just from a local clinic.  So she left a copy of the form and the schedule at the CMHA office where I picked it up.  So tomorrow morning first thing I will go to a clinic to see a DR.

I should have no problem getting approved so hopefully I get approved right away and I could start next Monday.

Sue


----------



## forgetmenot (Mar 4, 2009)

thats great sue i hope you do start on monday group therapy can be great support  take care mary


----------



## Jazzey (Mar 5, 2009)

That is great news Sue. I'm really happy to hear that you'll be getting some support very shortly.  I hope you'll let us know how it goes.  :hug:


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 5, 2009)

Thanks Jazzey.  I will be going to the clinic for 9am.

Last night I made some tiny scratches on my left wrist.  I was trying to get the feeling of [[Edit by Admin]] and then end up notice it being small scratches.  My watch might not cover it all.

Sue

(please delete anything that might be inappropriate)


----------



## Jazzey (Mar 5, 2009)

I'll be thinking of you at 9 Sue .  And as long as you don't provide graphic details, I think we're ok.  When you have the urge to SI, do you ever come here and read the techniques to get away from the urge?


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 5, 2009)

Actually Jazzey I don't come here to read about how to stop myself.  I love the feel {_edit: of it sometimes_} that is why I end up with surface scratches sometimes.  But it was the first time I did that on my wrist.  But then the other day I mentioned I had an overwhelming urge to do something on my wrist.

Thanks for your good wishes
Take Care

Sue


----------



## Jazzey (Mar 5, 2009)

There are some great resources on the SI forum on how to deal with the urges Sue.  I often come here when I'm struggling with my issues to go and read a few posts and figure out how to get out of my current predicament...

I hope that stopping the SI behaviours is part of your longer term goals...Is it?


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 5, 2009)

Jazzey my long term goal is to be free of this and pain that makes me want to do this.  Also to understand why I do this.  Also to get rid of any suicidal thoughts that crosses my mind.

Sue


----------



## Jazzey (Mar 5, 2009)

Thanks Sue.  I hope that you feel much better very soon too.  I'm very happy that you're getting the support that you need and that you're willing to do the work...And of course, you know that you can always lean on us here too.


----------



## suewatters1 (Mar 5, 2009)

Update:
Just got back from the Clinic the DR asked me why I wanted the referral for the day program. I told him because I am off work on sick leave and I have to work on myself I am cutting myself and I am having suicidal thoughts. Then I showed him my wrist and said I did that last night and mentioned my I cut myself 12 days ago and pointed to my foot. 

 He asked me if I was thinking of killing myself today and I said no. 
He says if I need help I can also call the crisis team.  I told him the the last time I saw the crisis team they made me feel like I was wasting there time because it was always the same problem.  He said if I feel worse to come back to the clinic.  He also aid he will fax out the request for the referral today.  He says I will get help.

Sue


----------



## forgetmenot (Mar 5, 2009)

great news susan take care mary


----------



## Jazzey (Mar 5, 2009)

That's great news Sue.  I'm happy that you got the referral and that you told him about where you were right now!  :hug:


----------

