# I don't know what to do



## Sethor (Jun 29, 2005)

I keep feeling like suicide is my best option for my life.  When I look at my life, I don't see anything of any value.  I'm a burden on everyone who knows me.  Nothing in my life is how I want it to be, and I have no one who I can open up to, and no one who would understand me, even if they did listen.  I'm the person everyone overlooks.  I couldn't even buy a date if I won the lottery.  No one needs me in their life, and any time I feel really good towards someone, they hurt me.

On Memorial Day Weekend last year I promised someone I would wait an entire year before I killed myself, just to see what happened in that time.  During that year, the person I made the promise to stopped talking to me, I broke my arm 9without having insurance), I got robbed at work, and I've had 2 break ups with people I was dating and had feelings for.

I just don't see any reason to go on.  I don't want to go to a psychiatrist who's just going to throw pills at me and give my money to some pharmaceutical company.  I don't believe you can pay someone to care.  I just know I'm very sad most of the time, no one cares, and the only reasons I have for living are an insane guinea pig and a lot of what ifs.  I'm having trouble still believing that anything will get better.  I know about everything that might happen to improve my life, but unless that starts soon, I'm going to be tired of waiting for a maybe.


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## Daniel (Jun 29, 2005)

> I don't want to go to a psychiatrist who's just going to throw pills at me and give my money to some pharmaceutical company.



What about also seeing a therapist, exercising more, etc.?




> No one needs me in their life, and any time I feel really good towards someone, they hurt me.


This is a very common feeling and may cause you to socialize less.  So you may have to socialize more or simply become more positive about yourself. (Personally, I felt better about my social situation after seeing the movie _Miss Congenialty 2_.  In that movie, no one is dating happily for the most part. At least three characters in that movie are overcoming a recent breakup, and at least one character doesn't have any friends.)


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