# Seeking Sobriety: Tips for Getting Started



## David Baxter PhD (Oct 2, 2017)

*Seeking Sobriety? 9 Tips for Getting Started*
_PositivelyPresent.com_
October 2, 2017

 If you're trying to get sober or even just considering the idea, here  are some things I think are really important to know as you're starting  out. And if you're not seeking sobriety, these tips still might be  useful for you if you're trying to break a bad habit (or even just  trying to live a positive and present life!). 


*Surround yourself with people who get it and are encouraging. *A  lot of people won’t get it, won’t think you have a problem, won’t be  very supportive. It’s often because they know that if they say _you_ have  a problem, that means that they also might have a problem and they  don’t want to deal with that. When I first got sober, I was really lucky  to have a partner in my life who gave up drinking in solidarity with  me. I honestly don't know if I could have done it while living with  someone else who was still drinking. The people you're around make a _huge_ difference in getting and staying sober. 
*Don’t put yourself in tempting situations, especially at the beginning.* Avoiding  parties and social gatherings wasn't too tough for me at the beginning,  since I'm pretty introverted by nature, but I did have to learn to pay  attention to when I felt most tempted to drink and avoid those  occasions. At the beginning, I had to turn down a lot of invitations  because I knew I would be way too tempted. Because I started drinking so  young, I had to learn how to socialize without alcohol, and that was  (still is sometimes) tough, but avoiding temptation is key at the  beginning. 
*Find something to take up your time and energy. *For  me, this ended up being Positively Present. I was able to fill my  weekends with writing and creating the website, which made it a little  easier to not be out drinking. I never would have been able to focus on  Positively Present if I'd been hungover, so it became it's own reward,  accomplishing something (a blog post) each week that I wouldn't have  been able to do while drinking. Distraction and filling up your time  with positive, non-drinking activities is essential to avoid not  slipping back into old patterns. 
*Take it one day at a time.* Yes, I know this is the  most cliched thing in the world, but it's stuck around because it's  true. Whenever I would think about never drinking again, my mind would  go into a panic. But if I told myself, _I'm not going to drink at this party_, it was much easier to cope with than _I'm never, ever drinking again_. Sometimes I even broke it down further (_I'm not going to drink for the next hour / 30 mins / 5 mins_, etc.) It sounds silly, but taking that "never ever ever going to drink again" idea away made it so much easier for me. 
*Know you’re likely to slip up or have a relapse.* Almost  everyone I know who has given up drinking has had a relapse. I was  eight months sober and then my sister's wedding came around, and the  back of the limo with all of that champagne and excitement (and  nervousness about my maid-of-honor speech) was just too much for me. It  was awful to feel like I lost all of that progress in one night, but the  key is not to use a relapse as excuse to give up. I woke up the next  day and decided I was going to start over again, and here I am, seven _years_ later! 
*Consider going to meetings, like AA, or therapy.* It  wasn't until I found the right therapist, one with alcohol and  addiction expertise, that I realized I had a problem. Because of my  environment, I thought my behavior and the repercussions of it were  normal, but the right therapist showed me there was a totally different  way to live. I also tried AA, but as an atheist, it was a little too  god-focused for me, but I know a lot of people who find that community  really helpful. 
*Make a list of things you’ve done while drinking that were unhealthy.* This  was one of the first things my therapist had me do, and it was a  game-changer for me. When I saw, in writing, all of the ways my life had  been negatively impacted by my drinking, it became really difficult for  me to justify mixing another drink. Almost every single bad thing that  had ever happened to me was a result, directly or indirectly, of alcohol  consumption. Once I saw this clearly written out in a list, it became _really_ hard to rationalize my old ways. 
*Understand that it’s gonna be really hard at first. *Especially  at the beginning, it feels really bad. It feels like you're not having  fun, that a whole big part of your life is missing, but, I promise, if  you stick with it, it gets so much easier. I can't say it's ever _easy_ (there  aren't many days when the thought of a drink doesn't cross my mind),  but every single time I say no to that impulse, it gets eas_ier_.  This probably won't be too much comfort in the beginning, but it's  always good to have hope that things won't always be as hard. 
*Think about your future self.* Whenever I'm really struggling, I remind myself that I’ve never once regretted _not_ drinking,  but I sure as hell have a regretted drinking many, many times. If you  find yourself in a situation where you’re struggling, remember that  you'll never wake up regretting that you didn’t drink. Of course, I try  my best to stay present, but looking out for your future self — the one  who will be waking up and dealing with last night's repercussions — can  be really helpful. 
 
See also Sobriety.


----------

