# Psychological self defense



## Max555 (Dec 7, 2008)

I have finally identified the major source of my anxiety...

Subtle psychological attacks. 

I am very naive person, I have trouble defending myself and I'm surrounded by manipulative people. About six months ago I finally understood this and started reacting. Sadly when someone stands up for himself when he usually doesn't, it gets worst. I persevered but started to have chronic insomnia which lasted a week.

Now I sleep well, I have acquired lots of social knowledge but am very easily stressed out. The thing is that the more stressed I am; the less I am capable of defending myself and reacting correctly and not overreacting. Even worst, the more I get psychologically attacked; the more I get stressed out. 

I found out about the author Suzette Haden Elgin (_The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense_) and would like to know if there are any other books about the same subject.


----------



## Jazzey (Dec 7, 2008)

Welcome Max:welcome:  This is a great forum with a lot of helpful posts and people.

I've read your post.  I'm afraid that I can't answer your question.  But maybe someone else here knows a little more about the topic.

I did however want to welcome you to psychlinks.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Dec 8, 2008)

Max555 said:


> I found out about the author Suzette Haden Elgin (_The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense_) and would like to know if there are any other books about the same subject.



She has also written _How to Disagree Without Being Disagreeable: Getting Your Point Across with the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense_.

There are further suggestiojns about related books at Amazon.com: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work: Suzette Haden Elgin: Books


----------



## Daniel (Dec 8, 2008)

Welcome Max.  

Feel free to be more specific about what you kind of verbal manipulation you have to deal with. 

This may be relevant: 
How to Say NO - Psychlinks
Amazon.com: When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: Manuel J. Smith: Books
I'm not even sure whats wrong - Psychlinks


----------



## NicNak (Dec 8, 2008)

Welcome Max


----------



## ladylore (Dec 8, 2008)

Welcome to Psychlinks Max.


----------



## David Baxter PhD (Dec 8, 2008)

Another one: Psychlinks Health and Mental Health Bookstore - Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes When to Say No To Take Control of Your Life


----------



## Max555 (Dec 21, 2008)

Well, after many hours of searching I have found a really good book on assertiveness called:

_Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide For Positive Change_
by Sharon Anthony Bower and Gordon H. Bower

Check it out and thanks for the help.


----------



## white page (Dec 21, 2008)

welcome Max ,

Glad to know that you have found a useful book to help you strengthen your defenses , is the manipulation to do with someone who turns around what you say ? if so it can be a form of bullying as well . 
take care and I hope you manage to be less stressed at work . wp


----------



## amastie (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Max
:hello:
welcome to the community.
Many of the books and resources mentioned here will, I'm sure, help many 
Take good care,
amastie


----------



## Lana (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Max and welcome to Psychlinks!  :hithere:

Congratulations on your newfound insight.  It's actually quite powerful and I commend you on working to find a resolution.  Well done.  As for things escalating, you're right, it does get worse, but only at first.  Sometimes when others see that their targets have grown stronger and wiser, intensify the discomfort because they know they're loosing.  So, don't stop and keep moving forward as you have.   Here's a little inspiration for you:



> THE LITTLE FROG THAT COULD!
> Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....
> 
> The race began.... Honestly: No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult!!" "They will NEVER make it to the top." or: "Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
> ...



I posted this in another forum I used to visit and believe it or not, received negative feedback.  the person that runs the site (someone I considered a friend) said that it was a cute story but sometimes friends may see things that I can't and shouldn't be ignored.  My reply to him was, "Yes.  Sometimes it's lonely at the top."  He didn't appreciate the humor....and as it turned out,t he friendship that he supposedly tried to promote.  :lol:


----------



## white page (Dec 22, 2008)

:wow:  Lana , this is so inspiring  ,  I'm definately going to print this out .
especially this bit !!! Thank you so much for posting this , it just made me feel 
good 


> The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart! Always think of the power words have. Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!
> 
> Therefore: ALWAYS be.... POSITIVE! And above all: Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams! Always think................. God and I can do this!


----------



## Jazzey (Dec 22, 2008)

I loved that story Lana  As far as I'm concerned, you can keep re-using it on this forum as many times as warranted.


----------



## amastie (Dec 22, 2008)

Thank you Lana.
A wonderful story that I will share with friends 
For now,
amastie


----------



## Max555 (Dec 22, 2008)

Lana said:


> As for things escalating, you're right, it does get worse, but only at first.  Sometimes when others see that their targets have grown stronger and wiser, intensify the discomfort because they know they're loosing.  So, don't stop and keep moving forward as you have.



Thanks for the good advice.



> A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?
> 
> It turned out.... That the winner was DEAF!!!!



Haha. Good story.


----------

