# OMG!



## Lonewolf (May 6, 2015)

I have been really digging deep to stay away from S/H and I have been getting so much help and support! I don't want to mess it up! I had a GP appointment this afternoon and she has restricted my medication to daily scripts because I don't feel that I have much fight left inside me! The counselling is very difficult at the moment and I find the day or two afterwards sometimes too much to bare! I was in the cardiac unit from an OD a couple of weeks ago and I saw someone from the mental health services and they told me there was nothing they could do to help me,  I felt like I had a terminal illness!!  It was like I had been abandoned yet again! What is the point? I am getting something from the therapy and I waited such a long time to get it,  I can't just give in to it! I am struggling so much though, I have had several serious suicide thoughts and even if I write a list of pros and cons of suicide, unfortunately the pros totally out way the cons! If I wasn't around,  there wouldn't be any issues anymore!! For anybody!  I am so frightened about all of these emotions that are surfacing and I don't know how to cope with them! I have even joined a gym and have been working out most days to get some of this anger bubbling away inside and to get spme pain and even though I enjoy it,  the feelings have not gone or  eased at all!! I need some help


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## forgetmenot (May 6, 2015)

Mental Health worker stating they could not help you  perhaps she was not knowing what others supports there was to offer you.   Keep going to groups and to therapy  Nothing will happen over night it takes years ok  to deal with these demons  we face   just do not give up


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## Lonewolf (May 6, 2015)

I feel like I am losing this battle,  lol!! Things are raising their nasty heads that I believed we're dead and buried, but are really alive and well! Life is so scary! Really quite terrifying!


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## GDPR (May 7, 2015)

Hang in there Lonewolf,you are doing good,better than what you give yourself credit for.

I know things are hard right now but in time it will get easier.Remember that we all have to crawl before we learn to walk.


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## MHealthJo (May 7, 2015)

I am thinking of you LW. You are not alone.

Remember the power that distraction can have... getting busy in some activities...

It is so hard sometimes after the therapy day, don't forget to ask your therapist for advice on how to cope at those times - whether she might have a suggestion list to print out for you....

And feel free to talk to us about the thing that has resurfaced if you think that might be useful... not if you are not ready though or dealing with too much....

Hang in there and remember that if you can gently 'hold yourself' during feelings - like an attitude of caringly being there for yourself kindly and gently, listening and accepting and validating the feelings and letting them be alowed and OK, that it is OK to feel them and they will pass-

-the feelings will move through you and you will have a period of relief. 

You will get thru this hard time ok.... you are not alone, we are with you.xx


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## Lonewolf (May 7, 2015)

I am just so frightened about these emotions that I don't recognise!! I don't know if this makes any sense? I am having little panics a lot, just quick jolts of tears and lots of fear and sometimes I don't even know what the trigger is? I have never been any good with these emotion things and to be honest some of them are truly terrifying!! I don't really understand them or where they are coming from!! Or how I am supposed to deal with them? Or if they are appropriate? I haven't seen the family since Christmas and that has really helped but I do keep up with the phone contact although quite difficult because of constant emotional black mail from them!! I am not ready to cut away completely so this is slightly self inflicted I suppose!! I have never felt so alone or as distant from the rest of the planet as I do right now and it is so painful!! This is one of those times I need to feel connected, but I am so far from that!!


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## Retired (May 7, 2015)

> I am just so frightened about these emotions that I don't recognise!!



Based on what you've shared in the past about your family's culture of not showing emotions, it's quite understandable that what you are feeling is new to you.

I suppose it will take a bit of time and social support to become accustomed to experiencing these new emotions and to make them part of your life experience.

We all feel these feelings in varying degrees, and there is probably nothing you are feeling that is unusual or abnormal.

It would seem that at some point with therapy and good support, you might be able to lessen the impact of your family's dysfunctional emotional responses, and if that is not possible, then you might have to consider less frequent contact.

Recognizing that their culture is abnormal and destructive is your first step toward recovery.  The second step, I would think, is to learn ways to lessen the impact of their responses on yourself....that's where your therapist can help.


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## Lonewolf (May 10, 2015)

Just not feeling very strong! Am very tearful again!! Everything is so intimidating! It's a shame that I can't borrow some strength, but I don't think thats possible! I can't see past the end of the day at the moment!mg:


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## Retired (May 10, 2015)

> It's a shame that I can't borrow some strength



Sometimes when I feel down, I find strength in thinking about people I know or may have heard about whose situation is more grave than mine.  Understanding that you are struggling and that your issues are of utmost importance to you, because of things that happened to you in the past.

With the help of your therapist, and the support of those who are trying to help, you might want to work on reorienting your focus to the future rather than re-living events in the past.  Your therapist can help you come to terms with the events of the past,but your focus needs to be shifted to the future, where you can take advantage of opportunities to create new and positive memories.

It probably won't be easy, but nothing worth achieving is ever easy. 

Consider the words that appear below my signature.


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## Lonewolf (May 10, 2015)

Thankyou for bringing back to the ground, i was being very, very selfish again thinking of the pain i am suffering!!! I am very aware of other people's issues being so much greater than any of mine. I wish i was invisible so no one ever thought of me!! I still don't see a future for myself. One day at a time!! I don't want to offend, i don't want the focus on me and I would give anything to improve the lives of those in a worse situation than me!! I am sorry that i exist when i don't really want to, so many people would benefit if i wasn't!! I appreciate you reaffirming this for me! I appreciate it!! I am so sorry!


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## David Baxter PhD (May 10, 2015)

You've misunderstood what Steve said, Lonewolf. He certainly wasn't affirming that you shouldn't exist or that you are being selfish. 

He was suggesting coping strategies that might help when you are in pain. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Lonewolf (May 10, 2015)

I am sorry!  I am working so hard to improve things but I am failing miserable! I don't want my head stuck up my own butt!!


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## David Baxter PhD (May 10, 2015)

No, you're not failing miserably. It's easy to misinterpret the written word. There are no facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language to go along with the message.


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## Lonewolf (May 10, 2015)

Thanks lol!


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## Retired (May 10, 2015)

I am sorry I didn't express myself clearly, Lonewolf to say that you have made remarkable progress since you've joined us.  You _are_ an important person, and I fully understand you are struggling to improve your situation.

While you cannot control what occurred in the past, with the help of your therapist you can come to terms with the past by learning ways to lessen the impact of those memories.  The good news is that the future _is _within your control, and _you_ can be the author of what happens to you.

You have the right to a better future, and I wish, for you, that you find the ways to that better future.


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## Lonewolf (May 10, 2015)

I apologise for my overreaction! Things are very raw, that's no excuse for my behaviour!!! I am so sorry! !


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## Retired (May 10, 2015)

The important thing is that we are here for mutual support without judgement.  

The progress you've made is testament to your courage and determination, Lonewolf.


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