# changes in relationships



## hugsy (May 18, 2005)

A thought came to mind today and I wonder what you all think.  What if there is a shift in male thought going on, sort of like women's lib kind of thing, but a male version of it.  It seems to me that men are less and less willing to commit to a relationship. That they want less responsibility and more freedom to be on their own. That women have traditionally been the ones who want to form a home, want monogamy, etc.  And men have had an inner battle because they want ...how should I say... to be in a relationship and also live like a bachelor.  Could it be that men are changing the nature of relationships because they're tired of living up to women's standards?  This seems vague, I know, but I haven't thought it all out yet.  Seems to be a pattern of behavior in men I've been involved with, in relationships of friends and family, of what I've seen and read on the internet and the media in general, and I'm trying to make sense of it.  More and more I see couples who get to a certain point, then the man backs out.  "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is so common, I don't really understand that statement.  Is it a way of backing out so that they don't have to commit?  Or is it a way of keeping love from many partners at a time?  Appreciate any insight on this. Thanks.


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## David Baxter PhD (May 19, 2005)

I don't think so. If you're seeing that, I suspect you've been hanging around with the wrong men.

There will always be people, men and women, who have difficulty with commitment. Always has been, always will be.

I don't believe the majority of men OR women are like that.


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## hugsy (May 19, 2005)

Well, that's a relief and a sign of hope.  I guess I have been hanging around the wrong men.  So, next thing, where to find the right men.  I'm not in a hurry to marry but I do like being in a relationship.  Been divorced for a long time.  It's hard finding the right person.


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## David Baxter PhD (May 20, 2005)

There are some reputable online dating services -- some people find those helpful, although I think that is a hit or miss way of meeting people.

What I usually suggest to clients is to focus on exoanding your circle of friends and activities rather than finding a relationship. Most people meet their partners as a result of being introduced by friends or friends of friends or through common interests and activities. Figure what you enjoy doing or what you've never tried but think you might enjoy doing... join a club focused on a hobby, or a volunteer group, or a sports team or a bowling league or curling club. Go out with friends more and let it be known that you're interested in getting out more and meeting new friends...

The more people you meet and share activities with, the more likely it is that you'll meet someone.


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## hugsy (May 21, 2005)

thank you for your replies.  and for your advice.  i think that's a healthy and positive way of going about it.    and to have fun, too.  i plan on doing just that.  will be graduating from photography program next month and i'm thinking of joining a photography association.  one that is geared toward my interests.  it will expose me to people who are interested in the same kind of thing i am.  even if i don't find mr. right, i will enjoy meeting new people i can relate to and have fun with.


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## hugsy (May 21, 2005)

by the way, what is curling? you mentioned curling club....


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## David Baxter PhD (May 21, 2005)

A "sport" originating in Scotland and popular in Canada as well, played in ice rinks... sort of like giant shuffleboard with teams where the "skip" slides the "rock" down the ice and men (or women) with brooms "sweep" the ice in front of the "rock" to try to direct it...

I don't play it myself (honestly, it is one of the silliest sports ever invented, outside of synchronized swimming) but around here it's quite popular and usually is a social outing as well as a game.


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## hugsy (May 22, 2005)

sounds silly-looking and fun.  if i'm ever at a place where they play it, i'll have to go see.


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